TITLE: Aquatic Interlude

SERIES: Spam & Umad #15 (Popular/BVS X-over AU)

AUTHOR/FB/Death Threats: snarlsnout@yahoo.com

DATE: June 04

PAIRING/RATING: Sam/Dawn/Holly; PG-15/soft "R" (language)

DISCLAIMERS: Joss Whedon (BVS); Ryan Murphy (Popular); TRP for WILAY's Holly Tyler.

SPOILERS: Maybe--borrowing a couple of scenes from Popular's "Queen B" and BVS's "Flooded", "Seeing Red" & "Storyteller"

SUMMARY: 3 hot, nekkid babes all lathered up and all I can manage is PG-15? Where's that Viagra?... Self-absorbed Teens --gotta love 'em...;o)

Saturday 8:30 AM--1630 Revello Drive...

Sam McPherson was indulging in her most favorite guilty pleasure...well, 2nd most favorite...immersed, physically and spiritually, in a steamy, sudsy, fragrant bubble-bath.

Her thick brown mop pinned up precariously, a few random strands already succumbing to gravity's whims. She leaned back, resting her bare, slender neck on the cool tub-edge and tiles. Her furrowed brows suddenly disfiguring her face of serenity. She reluctantly pulled her yellow headphones from her ears to pinpoint the blasphemous disruption of her sacred ritual...

"Dammit Spam!" *Bam! Bam! Bam!* "I REALLY need to pee!" *Groan* "What are you doing in there!?!"

Sam smirked at the mental image of her arch-nemesis Nicole squirming in discomfort. She ploinked another bath-bead into the frothy sea. "Luxuriating, O Princess of Darkness."

"Argh!"; proceeded much stomping away.

Only then did Sam's attention return to her two buxom bathmates. Holly on her left, controlling the taps (and subsequently the water temperature and level) was sitting lotus-style, her chestnut brown hair soaked and plastered around her rosy, chipmunk cheeks. Her full, slippery breasts bobbing in the water like baby seals...Exchanging animated eye-contact and giggles with Dawn, scrunched-up on Sam's right in the narrow tub. Dawn had her hair pulled back in a high, tight pony-tail, so far only the end getting all wet and soapy. Her fine, freckled rack even more buoyant than Holly's. She was apparently in charge of the TV remote and beverages poised barely out of harm's way on a small wicker basket...Sam was seated cross-wise, her legs breaking the foamy surface at her knees, her slender calves dangling over the edge of the tub...a steady stream (reluctantly!) dripping from her dainty digits...

*It doesn't get any better than this!* the journalist sighed to herself, glad that her harem-slash-entourage had become such eager disciples of her favorite form of meditation... OK, so they were 3 separate/unique/equal parts of an "a-cute triangle", but this was Sam's fantasy-made-flesh, she could inwardly refer to them as her harem if she wanted-- *Oh! Even better--Hand Maidens!*  And what talented hands they were! She sighed again observing her wondrous surrounds: bubbles and boobs in every direction--even her own astounding A-cups breaking the surface occasionally, her pale rose-colored nipples peeking demurely thru the lather. The bottomless jar of expensive imported bath-beads she'd pirated from Nicole (as opposed to the ~economic~ "Mr. Bubble" she imbibed in at home...) The stray squeaky rubber bath toys...and at least one rubber toy that didn't squeak (well, with proper lubrication! nyuck-nyuck!)...

"Dawn!" *Bam! Bam! Bam!* "Dawn, I have to get ready for work!"

"I-I'm washing my hair!"

*Groan! That'll take all morning!* The blonde sighed as she mashed her cow-hat down over her own limp locks...The instinctive Slayer impulse of kicking the door down was just as quickly replaced by a flashback of herself on the receiving end of Spike's recent rampage. Buffy clutched her robe tighter and turned towards the stairs...

"This is SO awesome!' Holly squealed, as she manipulated the faucets yet again, "I never want to leave!"

"No reason we ever have to!" Dawn beamed, "We just spent a fortune on a full copper re-pipe! It's like we tapped into Waterworld! Or the H2O-Zone!"

"You guys--" Sam moaned, "--we're gonna look like prunes when we finally get out of here!"

"Not prunes--" Dawn nodded towards the TV and fumbled with the remote's volume, "Raisins!" She had randomly flipped the channel to VH-1's "I Love the '90's" which was now playing a video-montage of The California Raisins' commercials. The once-trendy claymation figures dancing to Marvin Gaye's "I Heard it Thru the Grapevine". Holly and Dawn immediately swept up in the rhythm, joyously imitating them--albeit in a cramped-and-wet-and-naked- and-seated-in-a-slippery-tub sort of way. All three soon
reduced to hysterical laughter.

"Wrong decade babe," Dawn critiqued between giggles, "You look like you're doing the "Walk Like An Egyptian" thing".

"Or the "Flailing Like a Spaz" thing!" Sam croaked between crack-ups, robbing Holly of her infamous "pouty-face" as  she too, abandon herself to the amusement.

Buffy slowly staggered into the kitchen, already occupied by Xander and Anya seated at the counter, Willow questionably slaving over a hot stove ("Sorry Guys, funny shapes is all I can manage..."), and a nervous Nicole, hopping from one foot to the other and muttering curses at the ceiling above them. Buffy looked up to see the huge water stain discoloring the ceiling as a rogue drop landed in her eye.

"No," Nicole responded to Xander's previous suggestion, "I cannot just ~go outside~ like an animal!"

"Aw baby--Walkies! Want me to get your leash and collar?" Willow offered, then embarrassedly back-pedaled in front of the not-so-surprised, leering audience, "--because, you know, Nicole and I are like, totally into the S&M freak-on-a-leash scene." Her sarcastic scoff & eye-roll not quite selling her proclaimed innocence...

Xander and Anya only momentarily controlling their libidinous drool reflex; they lost it completely as Buffy began taking a splishy-splashy "bird-bath" in the kitchen sink. The sunlight thru the window behind her silhouetting her lithe body perfectly thru her thin, thread-bare robe...Willow presented the crowd with a piping hot platter of malformed pancakes, which was immediately smothered by a large displaced slab of wet ceiling plaster...A startled Nicole suddenly had one less thing to worry about...

"Speaking of grapes--would either of you lovely ladies care for another splash of the bubbly?" Dawn offered in a faux 2-octaves-too-high James Mason impression...Three champagne glasses clinking in a toast, as the brunettes finished the dregs of the second chilled bottle.

Sam settled back to bask in the bliss, clandestinely watching her girlfriends lather each other's "hard to reach places" thru a barely cracked eyelid. However all three had to sit up and take notice as the TV announced a 2-hour "Britney Block".  Sam was sure even Dawn didn't know the depths of her secret obsession...Dawn was paying a little to much attention to the video herself, until she felt Holly's bemused smirk--

"What?!? No way! You know our stance on blondes..."

"Only Charlize Theron!" all three sighed simultaneously.

Only Sam remained focused on the TV, barely registering Holly's--"Actually, I think Nicole's kind of hot..."

Dawn supplied the obligatory "Ewwww!" and almost under her breath, "Me too...Hey speaking of blondes", she teased, tugging on the younger girl's drenched 'do, "what's up with all these ~honey~ highlights?!?"

Holly groaned--"Things are getting SO confusing back in Bizzaro-World...2 guys pawing on me--Henry? Vince? Henry? Vince? Arrgh! I thought if they're subconsciously registering "blonde" I could get away with acting all schizoid around them."

"Baby--you have to tell them the truth." Dawn scolded.

"That my heart belongs to two women that I'm secretly shagging in an alternate universe?"

"Hmmm, your right. Play the blonde card."

"OMG You guys! My sister Val gets away with SO much, she's got like this patented confused/flustered expression combined with a little hair flip. People let her slide with anything--it's unreal..."

"Argh!" Sam returning to life, "Brooke is the same way! She does this slow, subtle little tuck-her-hair- behind-her-ear move with her pinky and guys--everybody! --just loose all concentration."

"With Buffy--I'm not so sure it's an act" Dawn frowned. "I mean she says some really bone-head things--This one time Xander asked her if she was up for a little reconnaissance...and she's like, "What? Where we all paint and sculpt and stuff?"  Seriously.  It's like who will take care of her when I'm gone? I might have to put her in a home..."

Five individuals; stunned speechless, stare at the devastation that was once a functional, tastefully decorated kitchen. They are splattered with plaster dust, juice, butter & maple syrup. Buffy brushes a wayward pancake from her shoulder, and after taking a deep breath/willing the calm--

"Xander. I don't care what it costs. We are adding another bathroom to this house ASAP."

Nicole, self-consciously staring at the dark stain in her lap (thank the Goddess she was slumming it in some old $70 Jordache...) "Please. I have suffered enough humiliation, this one's on me."

Nic and the Wiccan head upstairs to change as Buffy and Xander sketch out some rudimentary floor-plans and peruse the "Home Depot" circular...Buffy and Anya wave as the others climb into Nicole's Porsche roadster parked behind everyone else in the driveway.

The Slayer had barely closed the front door when a loud squeal and much laughter came cascading down the stairs, followed by a 2 foot high tsunami...

Buffy ground her teeth and headed for the basement, Anya bouncing along side her like an enraptured puppy. The short blonde scoured the maze of pipes, vents, and conduits, settled on a likely target, and scooped up a 3 foot long pipe wrench.

"We'll just see how they like it with no hot water!" Buffy growled, throwing some serious torque on an exposed coupling.

"Buffy...W-wait, I think that's the--"

*Snap/Glurg/Glop*

"--garbage disposal...Putui!"

Poor Buffster. Bottom lip quivering, on the verge of tears, as Anya helpfully picks clumps of old lettuce and spaghetti out of her hair...

Sam could empathize with her young disciples' over-zealous immersion into "The Ritual", however she thought their attempts to prolong it--Dawn suggesting bowls of yogurt; Holly proposing some half-baked erotic snorkeling endeavor--would ruin it's sanctity. And who would know better than the High Priestess who'd canonized it?  No, Sam had to draw the line...

"Hey guys--serious, come here..." Sam sat up in the tub drawing her girls closer with a gentle hand to the back of their necks. Both young brunettes eagerly anticipating their mentor's sensuous attention. They were not however, prepared for the muffled baritone rumblings and profusion of putrid bubbles in it's wake.

"EWWWWWWW!!!!!" both girls screeched, desperately batting at the offending effervescence. "SAAAAAMMMM!!!"

Then flashing that superior McPherson smirk, she slipped her headphones back on and leaned back against the tiles --they had no choice really, but to attempt to drown her.

Nicole was wrenching herself sideways as she backed out of the driveway; making the most of the fact that Willow had to straddle the floor shift in the sporty convertible. Suddenly, something that she could only later describe as a "Zombie-cat from Hell" darted out from the flowerbed and skittered across the road. Nicole slammed on the brakes...as did the dump-truck delivering a load of mulch to the neighbors across the street. Three heads barely protruding from the mound of damp, moldy tree bark...

"Putui!" Then adopting a very half-assed "Brave Little Toaster" face, Willow observed--"Mmmm, Pine-y."

Our girls exited the tub soon after Sam's colossal gastric orchestrations and were in the process of utilizing every clean towel in the cabinets. The carpet was already drenched so someone knocking the ice-bucket over didn't really matter--Dawn tipped the laundry hamper out on it "to help soak it up..." They jostled for turns in front of the  steamy mirror as they attempted to detangle their matted manes--except Sam of course, I mean why start now...Then  the ritual anointing of after-bath body-splashes, moisturizers etc. etc. All the while discussing Dawn and Willow's spell to transport a Hollybot back to Alterno-NYC to cover Holly's increasingly long absences...Finally prepared to leave, our three young heroines open the bathroom door clad only tight towels barely covering their taut teen torsos; another towel wrapped high atop each noggin; fuzzy house-shoes or flip-flops......On the other side of the door stand five intensely staring, extremely agitated--(and kind of stinky)--Old People!

"Aaaaahhhhhh!!!!!" Our girls scream, slamming the door and pressing against it.

"Jeez," Dawn groaned, "what is her trauma?!?"

"Only one thing to do guys..." Sam advised, "Shine them on!"

The door opened again as three freshly-scrubbed and fragrant towel-clad teens strutted past the furious crowd in a California Raisins inspired conga-line...

As the pent-up steam slowly dissipated, The Scooby Gang scanned the total annihilation the three teens had managed to wreak on the formerly habitable Summer's bathroom... finally bringing to focus a rather frazzled looking Andrew.

"I-I-I was in there, working on one of my informative narratives---" the dweeb shakily began, pointing to his "Story-teller" vid-cam, "--they just descended--like a plague of locust...I don't think they even noticed me--"

He was interrupted by Anya snatching the video-cam and dashing down the stairs, Xander in hot pursuit. Nicole and Willow exchanged confused glances, until it dawned on them that he might've accidentally captured some "worth- while footage" and chased after their horny housemates.

Buffy remained too shocked by the devastation to move, barely registering Andrew's pathetic tattling--"I think they used all your hot water too."

"Huh? What?"

"And I might've accidentally...stopped up the toilet..."

Buffy refocused on an embarrassed Andrew just in time to watch him fall down into the kitchen as the water-logged floor-joists gave way...

A small whimper escaped from the petrified blonde.

(tbc...but still envisioning the graphics for this one)