Title: I'd Rather Be In Love (With You)

March 02

AUTHOR: Majandra

Email: flavorlesschocolate@hotmail.com

RATING: PG through PG-15

PAIRING: Brooke/Sam

DISCLAIMER: Ha! Me, own any of this? I should be so lucky.

DAY 29 Friday, 1st march, 2002

If you had asked me, back in mid February, whether or not my dream of being with Sam would ever come true, I'd have said no. It appears, though, she's got a lot more guts than I ever would.

And now? Well, I had to tell her the truth today. Sammy is a still a bit suspicious, about two things. One, that she always gets struck down by period pain yet I never seem to, and two, she wants to know what I told Lily. And do you want the truth? I told Lily I haven't had a period in almost two months – well, I'm over a month late. And without a period, there's been no period pain. It makes sense, right?

Only, the last time I slept with Josh was over a month ago. Like, six, seven weeks? And I think I'm pregnant.

God, I love Sam so much. All day at school today she kept pulling me into secluded corners for what she called `illicit smoochies." It's like she has to keep reminding herself that I WILL kiss her, you know? She was so happy. And to her credit, she took the news really well. She pulled me in for a hug and told me everything was going to be okay. Then she kissed me. A lot.

Anyway, we went home and we were going to shut ourselves in my room but oh, look, the parentals had landed. They were all excited to see us, so we put on our best brave faces and let them take us out to dinner. The chat we had been planning to have, had to wait until half past nine, almost ten when they finally pleaded exhaustion and went to bed. We shut ourselves in Sam's room (further away from their room.) She lay down on her bed and I lay beside her, my head on her chest, her hand on my belly. We talked into the night about us and a possible baby, what it could mean and what the hell we were going to do. I don't think I can even imagine me as a mother, not at this age… but stuff like this happens all the time, right?

She's taking me to the doctor tomorrow. She says it's better to know for sure than to buy one of those kits and maybe have it be wrong. I'm not exactly looking forward to it, but she's right, it will be better to know.

The last thing I remember about this night was Sam stroking my hair and singing to me softly. She's got this really sexy but sweet voice that I never knew about. It's the kind of voice that could totally turn me on… or totally relax me, depending on what she's trying to do. Tonight she was trying to relax me and it totally worked. She sang selections from the Corrs, which is the most relaxing music I can think of.

Even though all this crazy shit has popped up, I'm so glad I have Sammy. She makes me feel safe.

DAY 30 Saturday, March 2nd, 2002

We told the parentals we were taking in a movie and going shopping today, to cover for us out all afternoon. I could hardly sit still all through this morning. It was like, I don't know, everything else just suddenly seemed insignificant when compared with the possibility if a new life growing inside me.

I did my best not to think about it, cos Sam said I'd only make myself crazy. It's so hard though. I kept picturing myself surrounded by this screaming brood of children, and every time I'd accidentally rest my hand on my stomach I'd jump and jerk it away. I must have looked really whacked, but nobody said anything.

Sam could sense that I was freaking. She, again, took every chance of physical contact we could get but today it was more about comfort than lust. I was grateful. We had lunch together at the mall, because somehow, I couldn't face looking at my father over a plate of linguine.

Time dragged, as it always does when you don't want it to, but finally Sammy and I were in the car heading for the doctor. We sat in the parking lot and she took my hand, looking into my eyes earnestly.

"Look, no matter how this turns out, no matter what you may decide to do, I'll back you up. I'm here for you, 110%, Brookie. I love you."

Hearing that gave me the strength I needed to walk into the doctor's office. Patiently I answered his questions and then the nurse took some blood and went to test it. Sam and I sat hand in hand in the waiting room, anxiously, well, waiting.

"McQueen?" the nurse asked. We stood and followed her back into the office. "You'd better sit down, honey."

So that's it. I'm pregnant. There is a baby growing inside me, a baby that's going to be born sometime near the middle of October, according to some chart the doctor consulted. I felt completely numb as Sam thanked the doctor and paid the receptionist. She led me back to the car and as she was opening my door I totally broke down.

When I say I broke down, I mean it. I collapsed into her arms, laid my head on her shoulder and I sobbed. I mean, I just bawled. She held me, whispered soothing words in my ear and smoothed my hair. When I finally straightened up she kissed my tears away and I was surprised to see she was crying too.

So here goes. The biggest decision I am ever likely to make. Thank God for Sammy.

DAY 31 Sunday, 3rd March, 2002

I woke up in Sam's arms and saw she was already awake, watching me. She hugged me again.

"So, what are we going to do today?" she asked me, almost fearfully. I guess she was scared I was going to bawl again. I wasn't.

I'll tell you what we did today: a whole bunch of nothing. Oh, we sat and watched TV, and we read some, but the whole time my head was going a mile a minute, frantically thinking what my options were and what I was going to do. I knew Sam was giving me space to think things through but to be honest I kind of wished someone else would make the decision for me.

So honestly, what were my options? I could abort, or I could adopt it out, or I could keep it. For just about the entire day I thought about it. I was so scared. I mean, what if I decided to keep it, then I had another bulimic relapse and killed it?

One look at Sammy told me not to worry because she'd never let anything like that happen to me again. She'd keep me safe… and sane. I knew I could never go through with an adoption, not after seeing what Nicole went through. And I also knew I couldn't have an abortion either. What gives me the right to play God and decide that this life doesn't get to play out?

By dinnertime I had made my (tentative) decision. I was going to keep this baby. I told Sam and her face lit up – not the reaction I'd been expecting! Much better! She said she'd been hoping I would but she didn't want to pressure me. Ha! So the only thing left is what this means for the two of us. I asked her if she still wanted to be with me even though I was carrying another man's child. She said yes, a thousand times yes!

So now, even though I'm freaking out, we can't stop smiling. I'm going to have a baby. A baby! I'm going to be a momma! Argh, that's so exciting! Sammy can't stop touching my tummy now. It's like this incredible secret only we know, and touching my belly is like the secret handshake.

Of course, I have to tell Josh, and Jane and Dad. I just… I don't want to yet. I like it that only Sammy knows. It makes it kind of special.

I can't stop all these names running through my head – I'll have to choose a name soon, I guess. I wonder if it's a boy or a girl… I want to know, I don't want to wait. I don't really have a preference, but I think Sam is hoping it'll be a boy. According to the doctor, I'm seven weeks along. That's too early to tell.

List of names: Blake, Dylan, Taylor, Anna, Andrea, Cole, Chase or Cory?

DAY 32 Monday, 4th March, 2002

And so we're back to the grind. I hate school now. It was okay before – even though I loved Sam, she didn't know it yet so I only had to sit through one class trying not to cry from unrequited love.

Now, I only get to see her for one class, and for the duration of said class I have to control myself so as not to jump her bones in the middle of a lecture! I did hold her hand though. She's almost like a security blanket, I guess. And I didn't care who saw us but no one did anyhow.

We had lunch together. Nicole came over at one stage while Sam and I were discussing names in hushed voices. She shot Sam one of her customary evil glares and tried to get me to go with her but I completely just gave her the brush off. I can do without that sort of crap, thanks all the same. Sammy's all the friends I need. I don't think Nicole was very happy about being blown off but frankly my dear, I didn't give a flying lambie.

Sam was waiting for me at the car when I got out of school and I ran to her and threw myself into her arms. She spun me around and both of us were laughing, then we sobered up some and drove home.

Only Jane and baby Mac were at home. Dad had to go back to San Francisco for something, don't ask me, but he was only going to be gone for the night. Jane was being really nice and suggested we have a girls night in, complete with videos and a bottle of wine.

As soon as we sat down, I reached for the wine, because I love wine. But Sam cleared her throat and looked meaningfully at me, shaking her head. Striking myself on the forehead for being stupid, I put the wineglass down and got myself a glass of milk.

"Sam? What was that all about?" Jane asked. Sam went red.

"She can't, uh… she doesn't like…" Sam was floundering and I knew it was time for the truth to come out.

"It's okay, Sammy. Jane, I can't have wine cos it's bad for my baby," I stated bluntly. Jane's eyes bugged out and her jaw dropped.

"Tell me you're joking," she gasped and we had to tell her we weren't. After all the usual parental questions (who's the father, when are you due, are you keeping it, etc) she said she wasn't over the moon but she accepted my decision. Then she warned me not to let Dad know yet. Do I look stupid? Then we told her about us being together, and after about half the bottle of wine she said she was okay with it. Well, that's a load off my mind, and off Sammy's mind too, I'm sure.

DAY 33 Tuesday, 5th March, 2002

I know it's only early in my pregnancy but I'm starting to feel changes in my body. My breasts are starting to feel really tender and sensitive.

The morning sickness hit me with a vengeance this morning (Sam held my hair back, my hero!). It was the smell of the coffee wafting up from downstairs that did it, and I was barfing before I had even eaten anything! But I felt better as soon as we left the house, so that's all good.

I chose my clothes for the day carefully. She's not fond of wearing tight clothing, but I know she likes seeing it on me, so I chose my tightest top, the one that looks like I painted it on, and a pair of well-worn jeans that hug my legs in all the right places. I needed to feel like I was still beautiful, even though I'm pregnant.

She was so cute in the car on the way to school. She kept glancing over to my chest and staring, before tearing her gaze away. And her hand rested on my thigh for the whole trip. We made it through first period but then Sam grabbed me and dragged me into the Novak with a grin. No one else was around so I locked the door and stood looking at her hungrily. God, she's hot.

"Sammy, what's going on?" I asked, looking a little worried. She smiled her best sultry smile before replying.

"It's weird, I just had this urge."

"Urge to what?"

"An urge to suck on your tongue," she said, and without further ado I pounced on her. I walked her back into the wall and pinned her there, lifting her hips slightly. She got the picture and wrapped her legs around my hips, and, true to her word, as soon as I stuck my tongue in her mouth she sucked on it gently, really slowly. She loved it, I could tell by the warmth on my belly! But all things must come to an end, and she was getting heavy, so I put her down.

She stepped closer to me and kissed my cheek, working her way down my jaw to the column of my neck, and there she started this incredibly sweet sucking sensation, and I almost lost it right there and then. God, I wanted her so bad, but I knew we couldn't do anything major in the Novak. We'd never forgive ourselves. Still, I knew she was going to leave me with a mark, so I gave her one too.

Only…

Well, she's not going to have to try and hide hers, cos any good bra will do the trick. (!)

DAY 34 Wednesday, 6th March, 2002

Oh, my poor Sammy. I've never known anyone who gets this affected by period cramps. I don't mean to imply she's faking it, or being a drama queen, because she's not. She honestly couldn't walk, and I felt so sorry for her. I left her curled up in bed with a hot water bottle. She came to school at lunch when things had calmed down a little.

When she showed up I pulled her aside and gave her a big hug. "Feeling better?" I asked her, and she gave me a wry smile. She was feeling better, but only just.

Anyway, today was the day we'd set aside for telling Carmen about us. I wasn't looking forward to the task, and I didn't think Sam was either. But we had to do it, we'd promised ourselves. We asked her if we could see her in the Novak.

I don't know what I expected her reaction to be, but I hardly think what I got was what I expected. I don't know, maybe I thought she'd be very homophobic. But she was jumping up and down and hugging us, and congratulating us. It was, to be honest, a little overwhelming, but at least she wasn't condemning us to an eternity in hell, like I'm sure people like Mary Cherry would.

All things considered, it was a mixed bag of a day. For me, it was okay, once I got over the morning sickness (thank God Jane's covering for me with my dad, otherwise he'd think I was bulimic again) and it was great seeing Carmen accepting us so readily. But oh, my poor Sammy…

She didn't last the day. She went home just before last period, and when I got home she was curled up in her bed with her hot water bottle again, crying cos she hurt so bad. She says it's not just her stomach area cramping up, it affects her legs as well, making them ache and shake, so she has trouble walking. I feel so sorry for her, but honestly, apart from being sympathetic, what can I do? I lay behind her and reached a hand over to massage her tummy. It seemed to help a little, because her sobs eased into little whimpers and finally little snuffling noises that told me she'd fallen asleep. I stayed with her as she slept.

She woke up in time for dinner but she said she wasn't hungry, so I went down and got a plate for myself, and brought it back to her side. I ate with one hand and rubbed her tummy with the other, and she turned to face me and snuggled into my side. The last thing she said before she fell asleep for the night was "I love you Brookie. And I'm gonna love your baby too."

I set my plate aside and watched her sleep. And if there's a more heavenly sight than Sam sleeping peacefully, I have yet to see it.

DAY 35 Thursday, 7th March, 2002

I cannot wait until the morning sickness passes. It was almost a novelty to begin with but now I go to sleep dreading the morning. There's only so much covering up Jane can do, you know. I think this week, she's pretending to have stomach flu, and she's going to get Sam to take over next week, and then I take over in the third week, and somewhere along the line we're going to break the news gently to him. I have no idea how he'll react but I'm not looking forward to that day, I can tell you that much.

Well, I saw Sam in Bio today but that was about it. I looked for her at lunch but never saw her; I sat with Lily and Carmen. They both know that Sam and I are together, but neither of them knows that I am pregnant. Lily only knows that I might be. I caught her sneaking looks at me; as if she were trying to figure it out just from how I look. Not a chance, because thankfully, nothing outward has changed. Yet.

Anyway, I was more than a little worried when I didn't see Sam at lunch because I knew she was feeling heaps better today, and she was more than able to last the school day, and we ALWAYS have lunch together these days. I didn't know what she was doing, where she was… maybe that's my maternal instinct kicking in already, worrying needlessly! But she was waiting by the car when I went to go home, so I heaved an inward sigh of relief and went to hug her hello.

"Where were you at lunch?" I asked her, predictably. She smiled sheepishly and held out a bag.

"I couldn't help myself," she said. It was a bag from my favourite toy store, and I knew straight away she'd gone and bought something for my baby.

"Aren't you going to open it, Mommy?" she asked, teasing. My eyes were filled with tears and some of them were spilling down my face as I opened the bag and peeked inside. It was the most gorgeous teddy bear I have ever seen, medium sized and brown, with the perfect kind of fuzzy fur. I loved him on sight, and I knew the baby would too.

My baby's first present. God, this is still too weird to really feel like a reality, but some of it's finally starting to hit home. I turned to Sam and gave her a big hug, and, throwing caution to the winds, I kissed her deeply to show my gratitude. I guess she must have wanted to show her gratitude too, judging from the way she kissed back!

I'm starting to think more seriously about names for my child. I didn't think I had a preference when it came to sex, but Sam really would like a boy, so some of that's starting to rub off on me. I just hope she's not disappointed if I have a girl. What about the name Jonathan?

DAY 36 Friday, 8th March, 2002

Well. It turns out Sam has very definite ideas about names for the baby. She gave me a list of names she likes in Bio. I read it over.

And I thought to myself, I could get angry over this. It's my baby, and ultimately, the decision will be mine. But, I'm a bigger person than that, and personally I thought her enthusiasm was kind of cute. So I sent a note back to her.

<Nice, but what about Cory? Dylan? Anna? I do like Annabel, because we can call her Anna for short and suit both of us. I like the name Blake for a boy, and Cole as well. Maybe we should discuss this at home. >

She nodded, and as soon as we got in the car, she was talking a mile a minute.

Finally, just to shut her up, I took her face in my hands and I kissed her, slowly, sensually. And it did the trick. I pulled back, still holding her face, and I tried to talk some sense into her.

"Sammy. I love you. But this baby is nothing more than a lima bean with a heartbeat at this stage. Why are we even starting to argue about something that will sort itself out in a few months? Your suggestions are great, and I'm glad you made them, but I want to think about it a while longer."

I've always said if you're talking sense, people are going to respect that and listen. This was no exception. She kissed me back and sat back in her seat, and she wasn't sulking or anything. Score, McQueen!

Jane cornered us when we got in the door. She pulled us aside and said it was time to tell Dad something; she didn't care if it was about the baby or the relationship, but she wasn't going to hide both from him anymore. I decided to go with the easy one to start off with.

So, even though I've been avoiding this since I knew I was in love with Sammy, meaning I'm gay, I'm going to tell my father tomorrow. It's a pity I can't have anything to drink; I could use some Dutch courage. Ah, well, such is life. A little squirming under paternal scrutiny is a small price to pay for this baby.

DAY 37 Saturday, 9th March, 2002

Daddy stayed home today for the first time in a long time, which was a gigantic pain in my ass. It meant Jane had to distract him from the throwing up sounds I was making in Sam's and my bathroom. Also, I was planning to use the time he would have been at work, to talk to Sam about a possible plan of action. No such luck.

After brushing my teeth vigorously, I went downstairs and found Dad sitting at the table with a brand spanking new pot of coffee brewed. Sam was right behind me on the stairs and she had to jump aside quick smart as I turned and sprinted back up the stairs, my hand over my mouth, hair flying. Thank god he didn't see me. And also thank the lord that Sam had the presence of mind to dispose of the coffee. I don't know how she did it, and I don't care, but I'm glad she did cos I couldn't have gone down there.

When I came down for the second time, it was just in time to hear Dad telling Sam in an excited voice that he'd planned a great day of fun for just the three of us (him, me and Sam.) Oh, great. Fabulous.

He took us mini golfing. There's a certain cringe factor involved with mini golfing with your dad… unless Sam is there. Sam has this way of making me forget I'm supposed to be this sophisticated teenager, and she can make anything fun. She started off at the first sign that I wasn't enjoying myself. She leaned into my ear and kissed it quickly. Then she whispered "Mawak!" before licking my earlobe and pulling back before Dad saw anything.

The day got a lot better after that. Sam is part dare devil, I think. Her main aim today was to kiss me as many times as she could, so every time Dad's back was turned she snatched a kiss. It was giving us the giggles, and it got so that one of us would do the whole "Oh, look over there!" thing so we could kiss. We were laughing really hard by the 18th hole.

Over lunch, Sam gave me one of her patented meaningful looks and I sighed. It was time. "Daddy?"

"Yes baby?"

"Sam and I have something to tell you, and we'd appreciate it if you wouldn't freak out, and you'd just hear us out." He looked worried, but he nodded encouragingly, and told me to go on.

"Daddy, Sam and I are in love." There's nothing like the blunt approach. It works, though. After a few minutes of stunned silence, he sighed and shrugged.

"C'est la vie. At least you're not pregnant." Eep.

DAY 38 Sunday, 10th March, 2002

Sam and I needed a bit of together time after the day we had yesterday. I mean, it's not like we were kept apart yesterday, but there's only so much smooching a person can do while their father's back is turned. So we resolved to spend the day in bed.

Well, it didn't exactly work that way. Now that dad knows we're together, he would have been fine with us staying out of his way and keeping to ourselves. But we weren't entirely happy. We felt a little guilty. So we trudged downstairs with our blankets and set ourselves up on the sofa. It wasn't a very nice day, weather wise, so we huddled up close and put a video on. Jane popped her head round the door about halfway through it and said she was taking Dad out for lunch or something.

As soon as the door slammed, I swear, Sam pounced. Not that I minded. She kissed me, and then she pulled the blanket over our heads and giggled. I could tell from the look in her eyes that she was nervous, and I suddenly knew she wanted to take this thing a little further.

"Sammy?" I asked, letting her take the lead. She reached for me tentatively, but then she hesitated. I was growing impatient, as horrible as it may seem. I unbuttoned my blouse, exposing my breasts. I guess that's what she wanted, cos her eyes got huge. So I threw the blanket on the floor and guided the two of us onto it, and that's when she finally made her move.

Reaching out, she stroked my left breast almost fearfully. I hadn't realised how sensitive they had gotten, but it wasn't a bad thing… the mere sensation of her hand was incredible, and I thought I would explode if she didn't do something. I needed more… but I didn't want to rush her.

Turns out that's all I got. She touched my breasts, and she let me touch hers, but when I went to take one of her nipples in my mouth, she pulled back.

"I don't… I mean I'm not…" I kissed her.

"If you're not ready, we won't go any further." I hated being understanding because right then, all I wanted was for her to do me, and quickly! But I knew it wasn't going to happen and I'm a nice girl, so I let it go.

"Brooke, I love you, and I do want you… but I'm not ready. Not yet. I just want to kiss you."

We climbed back on the sofa and covered ourselves with the blanket again after we'd redressed, and we made out until the parentals got home. Which was a long time.

DAY 39 Monday, 11th March, 2002

Needless to say, both of us were feeling a lot better today. Sam got up really early, and she managed to clear the house of coffee (or perhaps make sure none was made in the first place) so I wasn't nearly as sick as I usually am.

After that, I got really excited, about school, about the baby, about everything. Sam was laughing, cos I was bouncing all the way to the car and later, when we got to school, I bounced all the way up the steps and to my locker.

"Sammy," I wheedled, although I'm not sure why, god knows she'd do anything I asked. "Sammy, I want to tell someone about the baby."

"Like who?"

"Let's tell Carmen and Lily," I said, bouncing some more. She laughed and nodded.

So we grabbed the two of them, and we told them.

"Lily, Carmen," I began. They looked at me expectantly, so I gave a little half squeal of excitement and said, "Remember how Josh and I slept together ages ago? Well, I'm pregnant."

They freaked, but in a good way. I'm having a lot of good luck with people's reactions this month, but something tells me my luck won't hold for much longer.

Anyway, back to the celebrations! Lily was hugging Sam, Carmen hugged me, I hugged Sam, then I kissed her quickly, Carmen hugged Lily, then both of them were asking me questions. They wanted to know if I was showing, so I pulled my top up slightly and showed them that no, I wasn't. I told them about the morning sickness and the sore breasts, and then I assured them the baby wasn't kicking, and then I had to triple promise that they'd get to feel when it was. It was such a laugh!

Through Bio, Sam kept squeezing my hand and pointing to Lily or Carmen, who were shooting me excited looks. It was all I could do to keep from laughing out loud. But I couldn't help but notice that Harrison didn't look very happy. In fact, if I were asked to describe his expression, I'd have to say it was downright disgruntled.

Whatever. I'd already had enough of him and his homophobic crap; I wasn't going to deal with whatever his latest drama-rama of the week was. I could remember all too well how upset he'd made Sam last month and I wasn't feeling too kindly toward him.

DAY 40 Tuesday, 12th March, 2002

You know, it's funny that I should have written anything about Harrison yesterday. Because you know what? He confronted us today, about everything. I think he must have gone to Sam first and accused her of corrupting me, but I'm a little fuzzy on the details of that episode because Sam clammed up and wouldn't tell me anything. What I do know is that apparently after he failed to talk sense into her, he came to me. And here's how it went.

"Brooke, you don't have to do anything you don't want to do. Don't let Sam talk you into this… relationship… you don't have to go there. If she's hassling you, pressuring you…" Here's where I cut in. I got right in his face.

"Harrison, listen up and listen good. Sam has not pressured me into anything. I love her, and she loves me, and we are two mature people in a loving relationship. I realize that's probably hard for you to grasp, having never been in one yourself, but that's the cold hard truth. Now if you've quite finished spreading your delusions around-"

But he started up again, this time with a really angry look on his face. "Brooke, you're beautiful, you're funny, you're kind, and you're straight. Can you honestly expect me to believe that you're suddenly gay; right after Sam says she is? Get real."

"No, YOU need to get a GRIP. I've loved her since… forever." This stopped him in his tracks, but he recovered quickly and took another tack. This one stole my breath and brought stinging tears to me eyes.

"What about the baby? Is it fair to bring up a baby in an environment such as that? It needs a mother and a father, and frankly, it doesn't look like it's going to have either if it stays with you. You're not fit to be a mother any more than… Mary Cherry is."

Suddenly I was wishing Sam were there to reassure me, tell me everything was going to be okay, but she wasn't, and I knew I was going to have to deal with this myself. So I did the best I could. Pulling back, I slapped him as hard as I could, then I ran off, in tears. Well, I'm allowed to be emotional. I'm pregnant. I was still crying when I got home, and Sam ran to me, asked me what happened. But just like she wouldn't tell me hat he'd said to her, I couldn't tell her what he'd said to me. We could both guess what the other had been through, however.

"Sammy? Am I really unfit to be a mother?" I asked her tearfully. She hugged me, her face angry. I guess because Harrison had said that to me.

"You'll be the best momma ever," she told me firmly. "I know it."

DAY 41 Wednesday, 13th March, 2002

I told Sammy that I didn't want to go to school today. If Harrison is going to say stuff like that to me, to us, I don't want to be anywhere near him. She convinced me to go, though, saying that I'd miss enough school later when the baby is born.

I was right, though. Today was horrible. Harrison took every chance he could to look down his nose at us, and more than once I heard him making snide comments about dykes to Sugar Daddy and Josh. Josh was too adorably dense to catch on, but I think Sugar Daddy got it. I caught him looking at us strangely, but I didn't detect any animosity.

The whole thing really upset me, though, and I had to excuse myself in Bio to run to the Novak and cry. Sam caught me up about two seconds later, holding me tight and telling me Harrison didn't know anything, I was perfectly suited to be a mother, any child I had was lucky to have me as a mother. I wanted to believe her, really I did, but it was so much easier to just cry.

He passed us a note when we came back to class. I was scared to read it, but Sam opened it and scanned the contents before handing it to me.

< To the corruptor of the innocent
Consider carefully the life you have ruined. How many people are going to want to be around you when it gets around that you have forced Kennedy's golden princess over to the dark side?

To the mother of the unborn child
Consider carefully the life you are ruining. If I were you I would get rid of it before it grows to resent you, hate you. And it most surely will. >

If I thought Sam's face was white, it was probably nothing compared to mine. Her lips were set in a thin line, something I've never seen before. Her lips are usually so full and kissable… but now…

She cornered him at his locker and told him flat out to butt out, stop sending us filthy looks and hateful notes, but how much of her message got through, I'm not sure. He snorted, wiped his clothes off meaningfully and walked away, making sure to slam his locker. The point was taken, and we knew he was going to be trouble for us.

I weighed myself today and I've actually put a lot of weight on, more than the doctor had said I would. Sam said maybe it was normal, but I couldn't help but worry. She's taking me back to the doctor on Friday after school. I wonder why I'm putting so much weight on? I suppose while I'm there I should ask if there's anything I can do to make the morning sickness not quite so awful, as well.

DAY 42 Thursday, 14th March, 2002

Well, considering that I was going to go to the doctor tomorrow afternoon, the last thing I wanted was for Nicole to give me the third degree, about anything. Imagine my surprise when she accosted me in the Novak.

Actually, now that I think about it, I've had to go to the bathroom a lot more lately. But that's beside the point. I was in the Novak, and I came out to wash my hands, and she accosted me.

"Brookie! Long time no chat. You want to do something tomorrow after school?" I shook my head, I wanted to get out of there and back to Sam, but she wasn't having any of it.

"Oh, come on, Brooke, what can you possibly be doing that would take precedence over me, your best friend?" she said, in what she thought was a winning voice. It wasn't.

"Nicole, this may come as a surprise, but you're not my best friend. Not any more. Sam is. And speaking of Sam, I have to go back to her now."

She was hurt, I could see, but she wasn't giving up. Whatever else you said about Nicole, you couldn't call her a quitter. "So what are you doing tomorrow, Brookie? Or, should I ask, WHO are you doing?" she grinned. I wanted to slap her but I refrained from doing so.

"I, am, busy," I ground out. "And now I am leaving."

"Cut the crap, B. What the hell is going on that you're not telling me?"

"Well, if I haven't told you yet, what makes you think I'm going to? Get lost, Nicole. Go hassle someone who is actually intimidated by you, like Mary Cherry, your hapless minion."

Whoa! I was definitely spitting out the comebacks lately! Maybe this baby is going to be a great speaker, really able to think on his/her feet, and while I'm pregnant with him/her, that ability is being passed onto me. I told Sam about the incident, and she just laughed.

I think I'm starting to show, and I know for sure that my breasts are swollen and sore. I had to go buy some new bras today because mine are no longer big enough. I'm starting to "pooch" out, which Sam thinks is really cute, and she can't stop kissing my belly! I love it.

I went to this pregnancy website on the net and it said a whole lot of stuff about how far along I am and what should be happening. I'm getting more and more excited!

DAY 43 Friday, 15th March, 2002

School wasn't worth mentioning today. In fact, I wish I hadn't bothered going. Harrison was a jerk, as usual, Nicole was suspicious and a jerk, as usual. April Tuna was a freak and Mary Cherry scared the hell out of me. All normal.

But my weight, however, is not normal. I was slightly underweight before I got pregnant, and when the doctor weighed me in his office, he said I was gaining more than he would consider normal for a single pregnancy. My heart leapt. He said he wanted to give me some sort of scan, to hear the baby's heartbeat. I said okay, but only if Sam came in too.

He got us all ready, and he did the ultrasound thingy (I was too busy holding Sam's hand and watching the doctor's face nervously, waiting for him to say my baby was dead or something, to really notice what he was doing) when suddenly this funny noise filled the room.

"Hear that, Miss McQueen? That's your baby." Sam and I looked at each other, grinning like our faces were going to fall off. "Oh, hold on a minute… I think… I can hear two heartbeats. Yes… yes, that's right. There are two heartbeats, quite distinct. Can you hear them?"

TWO heartbeats? I was having two lima beans with heartbeats? I mean, two babies? Twins? Sam's eyes were wide but she was still smiling.

"Twins?" she whispered. I nodded. I was just as excited as her, although I was freaking out.

"Twins," Doctor Rosencoff confirmed in his big booming voice. He patted me on the shoulder, saying "Congratulations. You can get up now."

I sorted myself out, and as we left, I did a little dance.

"Sammy! I'm having twins! We're having twins!"

So I'm having twins. We can't tell yet whether or not they're identical, or if they're boys or girls yet, but it's just so exciting to know there's two of them.

We told Jane as soon as we got home. Her face went white to begin with, but our enthusiasm must have been infectious because soon she was bouncing with us, and we did a little happy dance. Unfortunately, Dad chose that moment to come home.

"Hello, ladies? Why are we dancing?" Dissemble, Brooke! Dissemble!

"Uh, Sammy got an A on her Bio midterm," I stammered. Oh, smooth.

DAY 44 Saturday, 16th March, 2002

Spurred on by the success of their leaving us for that week while they went to San Francisco last month, the parental units are going to Connecticut for the weekend, leaving us alone with the babies. My babies, I mean. They took Mac with them.

It was all we could talk about, the whole time. Oh, we ate, and we showered, (not together, darn the luck!) and we watched a little TV, but the rest of the time we were having debates about rhyming names, names that started with the same letter, and dressing them the same.

See, Sam knew these twins when she was younger, two boys, and they always had to dress exactly the same because their mother made them. They were so identical that because of the clothes, you couldn't tell them apart, and, what made it worse: their names. Taylor and Tyler. So whenever someone wanted one of them, they'd call, "Hey, Taylor-or-Tyler, come here!" Sam said she felt so sorry for those poor boys.

I'd like names that go together, but I would never do anything like that to children of mine. Having said that, I like it when you can tell that twins are twins. So I guess I'd dress them the same but different, like, have them both in overalls but have one wearing a yellow shirt and one wearing a red shirt. I think that's the cutest thing. As for names… well, I have to admit I want them to go together, but in a more obvious way than, say, having the same number of syllables.

When I say we talked most of the day, I mean it. By the time we looked up from our debate and looked at the clock, it was six in the evening and time to have dinner. I enjoyed a large glass of milk (yum… I guess) while Sam had a soda. She looked apologetic but I knew it was for the good of the babies.

We went to bed relatively early and just lay there, kissing. Sam's a very good kisser. I don't think she's had a lot of practise but she seems to know what she's doing. I remember with Josh it always seemed messy and not worth the effort because more often than not, the only thing I felt was his tongue in my mouth (or his hand creeping up my shirt!) With Sam I can feel all the things the romance novels talk about. AND I can feel her tongue in my mouth, and her hand creeping up my shirt.

It is a pity, and my only complaint, that Sam isn't ready to take the next step. I don't know if it's the hormones from being pregnant or what, but I'm starting to feel like maybe I NEED her. As in, maybe I'm craving sex. Weird, but when I think about it, not so weird. Josh never, uh, well, it's my diary and I know what Josh never gave me! But maybe with Sam, since I love her so much, I can sense that things will be different and that's why I crave it so badly. At least I hope that's the explanation.

DAY 45 Sunday, 17th March, 2002

Imagine the funeral march. That's what I'm humming as Sam and I make the bed. That's what's playing through my head. That's what's going to be playing by the end of the day. Because today is the day I have to tell dad about the babies.

I'm not good at this, ok? I'm not good at telling people the big things. This diary of all things should reflect that. I've recorded the dialogue from every big confession this year, and I'm just no good at telling people the important things! I know that I have to get this over with, and, keeping with that, I'm going for the whole blunt approach. It's the only way I know.

Sam says since Dad knows we're together already, she'll be there to literally hold my hand when I do this. Somehow, I think that's just going to give Dad a bigger target.

They pulled up the drive and we met them at the door. Sam did her meaningful look at Jane, and she prepped Dad. She got him in the house, poured him a glass of wine and sat him on the sofa. Then Sam took my hand and I opened my mouth, letting the truth spill forward like so much bile.

"Dad, I'm pregnant with Josh's babies." Like I said, nothing like the blunt approach. He spat out the mouthful of wine he had just taken and gaped at me.

"But I thought you were gay, and you and Sam were together."

"I am… we are. We didn't find out I was pregnant until after we'd, uh, well, you know." For a moment it seemed like this was going to be the last straw and bam! That camel was going down! But he shook his head slightly as if to clear it, and sighed.

"My daughter. You are my beautiful daughter. Is there any point in getting angry? No," he answered himself, "there isn't. Is there anything else you want to tell me? Drugs? What about rock and roll? The sex thing is pretty much moot now, isn't it?"

I hugged him. "Daddy, I'm sorry if I've disappointed you…"

"As long as you're being who you want to be, you could never disappoint me. Did you say BABIES?"

"Twins, dad. I'm having twins."

So now the whole family knows. Barring Mac, who wouldn't understand even if we told her. There's just the school to tell now.

DAY 46 Monday, 18th March, 2002

There is no god. That's the only explanation I can come up with. There is no God.

If I thought yesterday was rough, today was hell. You'll never guess which two recently scorned members of the Kennedy populace have formed an alliance against Sammy and me.

Harrison and Nicole.

Nicole, livid at being left out of the loop for once in her life, went for blood. She went on a crazed rampage, searching for information. Guess who gave it to her. Yes, that's right. Harrison was only too happy to spill his guts and for what reward? She's fucking him. She's fucking him in return for information. God, when did the two of them sink this low?

So Nicole knows the whole sordid story, apart from the twin thing. Our whole family decided to keep that under wraps. But back to the saga, guess what Nicole did with her new information first? She went straight to Josh, telling him before I had a chance to. Now he's not speaking to me, apart from occasionally either begging me to have an abortion or promising me he'll help out. I won't have an abortion, and I certainly don't want his money. God, Nicole makes me so angry!

At least I have one consolation. News like this is something Nicole lives for, and she won't give it up easily. She'll have ensured Josh's silence some way (talking to me doesn't count) and she won't tell Mary Cherry for love or money. That's my small consolation. At least the mouth of the south won't get a hold of it.

Dad and Jane went to Vice Principal Krupps and filled him in, but he's said my teachers don't need to be informed until I'm showing a bit more. That said, he'll protect me from contact sports and he's even having Sam transferred into some of my classes! For the first time, we'll have English together! And I'm moving into Calculus with her. Life is getting harder, but small things are going to try to make it easier.

Still not much progress on the name front, but Jane says she didn't name Sam until she had her in her arms and could see that she was meant to be a Samantha. Dad says he and my Mom had thought I was going to be a boy, and they had the nurse bring them a list of girl's names. They chose Brooke because they said it was the most beautiful name on the list, and I was the most beautiful baby that they'd ever seen. The only problem with that is, I don't like waiting. I want to have a room ready for them, and names picked out before they get here. So it's back to the naming game.

DAY 47 Tuesday, 19th March, 2002

If it wasn't for Sammy, I'd be really upset today. But I'm not, not really.

Harrison and Nicole have spread everything everywhere. Everyone at Kennedy with an IQ over 80 (sorry, Mary Cherry!) knows that I'm pregnant to Josh and that Sam and I are together. I could go into detail about the horrors of high school homophobia but I won't. It was enough to have to live it.

Sam cheered me up immensely. She came into the bathroom today and looked at me, before speaking carefully.

"Brooke? Don't take this the wrong way, but have you measured your breasts lately?" I shook my head innocently, wondering what she was getting at.

"They're huge!" she blurted, going red but grinning. I grinned too.

"Isn't it great? They're really sensitive, too," I said, purposefully making my voice all husky. I took her hand and placed it on my left breast, moaning, because it really was sensitive, and it felt so good! She pulled her hand away slowly, almost regretfully, and told me to hurry up and get ready for school.

Want the truth? I didn't WANT to get ready for school. I didn't even want to go. I was going crazy out of my mind, I needed some sort of release, and I know now it is the hormones from the pregnancy. The website said it was normal, and so did the doctor when I rang him. I'm missing my second period this week, but I can't say I'm missing them all that much.

I think Sam likes my new figure. The thing that tipped me off was when she said "Brooke? I LOVE your new figure." When we're alone she touches them all the time, but never enough. Maybe I should talk to her about this craving I seem to be having. Who knows, she might even be sympathetic enough to make love to me.

Whatever. I won't pressure her, no matter how horny I get. It's enough that I'm managing to entice her with my expanding breasts! I'll just start wearing all my tightest tops and hope she asks me if we can take the next step.

Actually, the top I wore today was pretty tight. I saw quite a few guys, and a couple of girls, checking me out. It served to make me feel desirable, because even though people are willing to think the worst of me, they still think I'm hot.

Ha, I'm a hot momma! Cos I'm pregnant and all… a hot MOMMA, get it? Oh fine. Not even my diary thinks I'm funny. The only person in the whole world that finds me funny is Sam.

DAY 48 Wednesday, 20th March, 2002

Yesterday all we heard were whispered questions, and all we saw were raised eyebrows and curious looks. Today was much, much worse.

I think the first sign that something was dreadfully wrong was when Lily and Carmen came up to us and asked us what our story was, so that they could stick to it. Sam and I shrugged, but we told them that the truth will out, so if they get directly asked, don't lie. Don't say it unless they have to, though.

Then April Tuna confronted us outside Sam's locker.

"Sam McPherson. Brooke McQueen. It seems there have been some juicy rumours floating around about the two of you and your illicit union, so I want the TRUTH!" April roared at us in her oh, so subtle way.  Sam and I exchanged looks but said nothing. She asked again.

"Are you two a COUPLE now? Or is that just lunch room GOSSIP?" she asked us, practically salivating. I know I failed in keeping the look of distaste off of my face. Sam came to the rescue, though.

"Do we look like we're together?" she asked April, reasonably. April looked confused.

"WELL, it's HARD to say."

"What else have you heard about Brooke lately, April?"

"That she's PREGNANT with Josh Ford's BABY."

"Can both be true?"

"Well, I guess not, BUT."

"Then in all likelihood, don't you think it's possible that neither is true?" Sam finished, her face aglow in triumph. April looked bamboozled. She left, muttering to herself about aliens and babies.

"One down, everyone else to go," Sam muttered to me. I laughed and kissed her, just as Nicole and Harrison were walking toward us. D'oh. 

"So it's true. Never pegged you for a rug-muncher, B." It was typical Nicole.

"At least I'm getting some without the exchange of money," I retorted, looking pointedly at the two of them. They beat a hasty retreat.

When I'm good, I'm very good. But when I'm bad.

DAY 49 Thursday, 21st March, 2002

I had the feeling when I woke up this morning that things had gone far enough. Sam, when she'd finished cursing Harrison, Nicole, Mary Cherry, the school and everything they all stood for, agreed with me.

Although we're now together for most of our classes, there are still a couple where we're separated. It was after one of these that I managed to corner Harrison.

"Harrison," I began, but he cut me off. And he was pleading.

"Brooke, I beg you, reconsider. If it's not me you want, go to Josh, George, any of us guys. Don't cross over just because you don't want me." This, I decided, was enough. I cut him off.

"It's not you, Harrison, it's me," I told him, and my tone of voice wasn't apologetic, it was harsh. I was sick of his whining. "Although, given the way you've acted, does it really surprise you that I've "crossed over," as you put it? As for the life I carry, it'll love me just fine, cos it's going to grow up knowing nothing but love. Sam and I will see to that."

He scowled, but said nothing, giving me the chance to forge ahead. "Harrison, please, just drop this now. You still have the chance to be friends with me and Sam, but if you carry on like this, you're going to lose us. all of us."

"Look, Brooke, you've had any number of chances to drop the lesbian thing, and owing to either extreme stubbornness or extreme stupidity, I'm not sure which, you've stuck with Sam, and that makes me angry. Homosexuality is not a game, Brooke. My mother is gay, and you. you're a cheerleader. You can't be gay."

He rambled on in this thread for god knows how long, but I took his answer to be "No, I won't drop it," and tuned him out. However long he rambled, I couldn't tell you, but when he finally finished I snapped back to attention.

"You've made your bed, Harrison, a bed of no friends other than Nicole, and now the two of you can lie in it," I growled.

"And you've made your bed, Brooke, a bed of depravity and I'm placing the blame squarely on Sam. You would've never thought of something like this on your own, it's got to be her influence. So you can take your disgusting bed and the two of YOU can sleep in it. though, I'm sure you'll do far more than just sleep, won't you, Brookie?" With that, he gave me an infuriating grin and spun on his heel, walking off, that little creep. If I weren't pregnant, I'd take great joy in totally screwing him over. Maybe I still can. no, Brooke!

DAY 50 Friday, 22nd March, 2002

Sam told me I have to keep my chin up in spite of the events of today. And she's right, I mean, if I were to actually listen to and believe Mary Cherry I'd be as depraved as she is, right?

Oh God. It all started this morning when she ambushed me on my way to meet Sam for our first class together, which wasn't our first class, if you follow. But Mary Cherry started following me, and every time I looked back I saw this insane grin on her in-bred face. It didn't exactly inspire confidence in me. I started to speed up but she sped up too and she finally caught me as I was turning into the last corridor that would have led me to Sam.

"Wah, Brookie, if Ah didn't know better, Ah'd say y'all were trah-in' to avoid me," she drawled stupidly. I gulped and hastened to disagree.

"No, Mary Cherry, I was just running because I'm going to be late to class."

"Now Brookie, there's a couple of things Ah just wanna get straight with y'all. Are y'all pregnant?"

"Uh, no…"

"Well, are you and Spam… are y'all… embracing the love that dares not speak it's name?"

"Um, no. Mary Cherry, I really have to go now…"

"Brookie, if it is true, y'all are going to hell, y'know? You and Spam, it's all over the school that y'all are rug munching like there won't be any tomorrow, and that's wrong, y'know? Y'all are evil!"

She was starting to get hysterical, and the final straw was when she whipped out a crucifix and started praying for our redemption. I started to cry, quite hard, and Sam came running. She's got special hearing when it comes to me crying, I think. She grabbed hold of me and I buried my head in her shoulder, and she glared at Mary Cherry.

"Look, Mary Cherry, whatever you heard, it's not true, okay? I think I'd know if I was dating my stepsister. And remember? Brooke IS my stepsister! So dating her wouldn't just be wrong, it'd be downright weird! Go lick Nicole's feet, you haven't done that for a while." Mary Cherry waddled off spluttering things such as "His all-mighty wrath" and "sins of the sisters" but no one was listening to her. They were all gaping at us. We didn't really look like sisters at that moment. We LOOKED like lovers. And so the story made the rounds again, gaining strength with every retelling. Oh god, what are we going to do?

DAY 51 Saturday, 23rd March, 2002

When we woke up this morning, Sam told me to get dressed and pack some things for an overnight trip. I was mystified but I complied. It's Sam we're talking about!

She took me to this cabin in the woods, near a lake, and God, it was beautiful. The reason it had never been mentioned before is because Sam doesn't like to talk about it. Her father used to take her there every chance they got.

Parental permission had been pre-obtained, and Sam drove quickly. By ten in the morning we had arrived, and I think I'm justified in saying it's the most beautiful place in the world.

She parked the car and we went inside, but I barely had time to dump my luggage before she was kissing me, dragging me toward what I presumed was the bedroom.

"Sam, what are you doing?" I asked, her, not daring to hope.

"I'm ready," she whispered, looking at me through her eyelashes. "I'm ready to make love with you."

Schwing! Well, I'd been ready for who even cares how long! I let her take the lead. She pulled my top over my head and stared at my chest for the longest time. Finally she leaned forward and kissed my breasts, something I'd been dying for her to do.

It progressed from there. Anyway, I want my kids to read this diary someday, so I don't want to go into too much detail about our lovemaking. But let me tell you, Sam gave me what Josh never could… more times than I can remember. For someone who was scared that they wouldn't know what to do, Sam sure felt like an expert. And, can I just say, all the rumours going around about Sam's tongue? ALL true. She certainly knew what to do with it!

We, uh, made love for most of the rest of the day, pausing only briefly for lunch. By suppertime we were exhausted… well, I was. I can only hope I gave as good as I got. Lying in Sam's arms, I knew for sure in that moment that nothing would ever be the same again. I knew I could never have another lover after her. Who else in the world could satisfy me the way she did? I kissed her, I told her I love her, I certainly felt her up a couple of times… and that's not all I did. Surprisingly, even though we were at it for ages we still got eight hours of sleep in and woke up feeling refreshed. We were on the road by nine, home by one… owing to numerous make out stops along the way. Viva la cabin!

DAY 52 Sunday, 24th March, 2002

Jane and Dad sprung a surprise on us when we got home. They'd decided to go out to dinner, leaving us to look after Mac. They called it good practise. We agreed reluctantly. I certainly thought any practise could be left until a little later in the pregnancy!

But Mac… well, my little sister MacKenzie is the most beautiful creature on the planet… so far. She was just gorgeous, and when I picked her up she wrapped her little arms around me and hugged me. It was the cutest thing!

Sam and I played peek-a-boo with her for about an hour, then I changed her diaper and we gave her some supper. Yum, we had mushy peas, and chocolate pudding for after. She was such a good girl. Sam and I took turns feeding her and wiping her off and she didn't really make much mess, no more than you'd expect. She ate everything in those little bottles of baby food and then we took her up to give her a bath.

Sam is so cute when she's concentrating! She was using baby shampoo to wash the last of Mac's evening meal out of her wispy hair, and she was concentrating really hard on not getting any in Mac's eyes, even though the bottle says it's "No more tears" shampoo. Her tongue was sticking out of the corner of her mouth and she had this tiny little half frown as she wiped our sister's head carefully. Mac just cooed as I held her upright. Don't get me wrong. I know it's not all going to be sunshine and roses, especially not with two of them, but from the way Sam and I worked together tonight, I can tell that we'll be able to handle anything that comes along.

We played with her a little more after her bath, but then we put her to bed and sat with her until she fell asleep… which was almost straight away. Then we stumbled downstairs. I don't think I'd realised until that moment just how tired I was… you know, there was everything that happened yesterday, combined with looking after a baby… well, I was exhausted. And Sam…

Sam fell asleep with her head on my chest as soon as we hit the couch. I had to move her slightly because she was kind of hurting me… not her fault, my breasts just felt really sore and heavy. I set her up with her head in my lap. Then I switched on the TV and watched god knows what.

Jane woke me up. She was shaking me and whispering, "Brooke, wake up."

It turns out they'd arrived home almost an hour ago, and they'd left us for as long as they could, hoping we'd wake up ourselves. Now they wanted to go to bed. Dad carried Sam since none of us could wake her (I thought of a way I could, but didn't want to push their tolerance) and he put her in my bed. I joined her and we were asleep again almost straight away. Maybe having babies isn't going to be as easy as I thought.

DAY 53 Monday, 25th March, 2002

I'm already feeling pretty moody these days without having to put up with all sorts of crap that I have to take at school. Want to know what I found when I got there today? There were posters lining the walls, all over the lockers and on the front windows of the school, all of them saying I was Brooke McQueer and Sam was Spammy McFree-for-some. They told all about our affair and there was a nasty picture of us as well.

Sam tore as many of them down as she could find. Lily, Carmen and Sugar Daddy helped us. So did Vice Principal Krupps. They were all gone by the time second period started, but I felt terrible, and I couldn't help but cry.

Then came the icing on the cake. Josh came over to me and offered to salvage my reputation by marrying me! It was absurd, because a) he's with Lily, married to her already to be exact, and b) I'm in love with Sam! I managed to turn him down without laughing… or crying… whatever. It could have been an emotion fest but I cut it off at the pass.

But no matter what other shit went on today, it was the poster thing that really upset me. If it hadn't been for Sam pulling me in for a mini make out at lunch, I think I may have done something really stupid and drastic today.

When I saw Harrison in the halls he smiled this really evil smile at me. He obviously feels no remorse for the poster thing. And when I saw Nicole she licked her lips saucily, an obvious dig at my dating Sam.

When we got home I wasn't in the mood for doing anything but crying in Sam's arms. Dad, however, had other plans. He'd booked me in with Dr. Rosencoff, and he practically dragged me down there. Sam's been making all my appointments, and I tried to tell dad I was good for another couple of days, a week, even, but he took me down there anyway.

Surprise, surprise: I'm fine, the babies are fine, and the pregnancy is going fine. I could have told myself that but if it helped with Dad's peace of mind, then I didn't mind going to the doctor.

He drove me back home and I walked very quickly into the house, making a beeline for Sam. She folded me in her arms and told me the posters would be yesterday's news when we got back to school. I wasn't so sure, but I was ready to believe anything she said.

We spent the rest of the night kissing... yes, just kissing! For once I was content just to lie in her arms, kissing her tenderly. It was the sweetest thing I've ever felt, just to lie there with her and kiss her. I felt like I could just kiss her, and do nothing else, for the rest of my natural life. Too bad that wouldn't leave any time for child rearing.

DAY 54 Tuesday, 26th March, 2002

I couldn't be bothered with the whole school thing today, I honestly couldn't. I just needed a mental health day, and I knew Sam would appreciate one too, so we took the day off, planning to spend it in bed.

Sam surprised me with the second Harry Potter book, so we lay in bed reading that for a few hours, but after the exciting conclusion we kind of just lay there looking at each other. Sam got this funny look on her face.

"Are you okay?" I asked her. She looked… like she was about to cry.

"Have I told you lately just how much I love you?" she whispered. She brought her hand up to my face and traced my jaw line, coming back up to touch my nose, my eyelids, and to brush the hair back from my face. I had to admit, my hair was getting pretty long: it was past my shoulders now, almost rivalling hers.

"You don't have to tell me that you love me. I can see it in everything you do, everything you say. I can see it in your eyes. And I hope you know I love you too, more than I have ever loved anyone, ever."

Funnily enough, we shed a few tears over the sheer depth of our emotions. Then she kissed me gently, sealing something I don't think we even knew we had.

Then we slept. For about two hours we napped, wrapped around each other. I woke up before her, and I took great delight in waking her Sleeping Beauty style, with a kiss. She smiled, and stretched. Then she rolled on to her back, looking up at the ceiling.

"Twins!" she uttered. "You're going to have twins! Can… Can I name one of them, and you name the other?"

"I would love nothing more than that, only… you have to conform with my ideas about names!" I agreed, laughing. I've decided I want my babies to have matching names, meaning, starting with the same letter. I'm leaning towards `A' names, myself.

"Sammy? Are you still going to love me when I get all fat and ugly?" I asked her, suddenly stricken with self-doubt.

"God, Brooke! I would love you if you were an 80 year old quadriplegic with no teeth. That's how much I love you!" She laughed, but I knew she was serious. I've never loved anyone like I love her, and I hope to god she's serious about loving me that much.

DAY 55 Wednesday, 27th, March, 2002

If there were an Oscar for the biggest jerk around, Harrison would win one. We went to school, deciding not to make a big deal out of anything. We downplayed the whole pregnancy thing, even though I'm slightly showing now, and we downplayed the relationship thing, even though I was dying for her to touch me, and we managed to get through most of the day. Then Harrison decided we were number one on his hate list, and went after us.

It was nothing major, just comments as usual, but it was really starting to get me down, and nothing Sam was saying was helping. I wanted to cry, I wanted to hit something, preferably Harrison, but I did none of the above. Actually, Sam was my knight in shining armour today. She stood up to him in a magnificent showdown.

"Harrison, calm the fuck down and shut the fuck up!" she screamed at him, finally. He scowled at her but said nothing, prompting Sam to take another verbal stab at him.

"Are you so insecure in your manhood that you would attack us like that?"

He blanched but recovered quickly. "At least I'm not so insecure in who I am that I feel the need to corrupt others in my `path to self realisation'."

Sam went white with rage. If you thought she was pissed before, that was nothing compared to now.

"God, would you cut that out?" she yelled at the top of her lungs. Then she modulated her volume, thank god, and went on. "I have not corrupted Brooke McQueen, and she is not under any evil spell I may be casting, and I'm not a voodoo mistress of any kind! Why can't you see that I love her, I really LOVE her, and she loves me? We could be so happy, Harrison, if you would JUST LET US!"

Onlookers I hadn't even realised were there started applauding. Most of them, given a chance to make up their own minds, supported our union. It's not often true love comes around, and I think they wanted us to seize the chance, so to speak, regardless of our gender.

"Well, it's wrong, and I think if you'll just sit down and think about it, you'll see just how wrong it is," he tried, and it was obviously his last ditch effort. It didn't do anything for him, however, and most of the people in the halls looked on him with something resembling disgust as the crowd dispersed. Harrison had lost more face in this one incident than he had ever gained here at Kennedy, and somehow I felt a tiny bit sorry for him. I'd hate to have a stick that size shoved up my ass. Actually I pity his mother, too. I hope my children never hate me for what Sam and I have.

DAY 56 Thursday, 28th March, 2002

The stares have gotten better, but Harrison and Nicole have got worse, if that's even possible. I saw Nicole in the Novak. She had that look on her face, the one I know so well. The one she gets when she's plotting someone's untimely social demise. It's a shame, really that I've had to see that face so many times, at the expense of someone else. Now that I see it at my expense, it chills me more than ever.

Sam had planned an outing, much to my surprise. I thought she couldn't keep a secret from me these days, but it turned out she'd been planning this for days, she'd even squared it with the parentals. What she had planned was this. We were going to leave campus at lunch, go to a restaurant for lunch and then spend the afternoon baby shopping. Well, not exactly shopping, cos I didn't know the sexes yet, so I was hesitant to buy anything, but baby WINDOW-shopping.

So she came and got me from my last class before lunch and escorted me to the car, and that was the first I heard of any such outing. Buckling me in, she drove out of the gates without so much as a look over her shoulder. I loved it.

The restaurant was perfect, and I enjoyed myself more than I have in a long time. All my problems with Harrison and Nicole seemed to leave me and I had a peaceful afternoon not thinking about the Gruesome Twosome. And I got to have spare ribs, very messy yet very delicious. Sam laughed at my attempts to eat them daintily so I growled at her and really dug in, just to show her, which had her in hysterics soon enough.

Then she took me to the mall and left me there! I would have cried, but she assured me she'd be back in half an hour, tops, so I amused myself by browsing through bras another size up from the one I was wearing. Doctor Rosencoff said I was sure to grow at least another size before the pregnancy was over.

True to her word, Sammy showed up exactly half an hour later, and she had another teddy bear for me, identical to the one she'd bought when we thought there was only one baby. I couldn't help it. I burst into tears. Yes, right there in the mall. She wrapped her arms around me and told me she loved me, and I was the happiest me I could be. Twins. And Sam had been thoughtful enough to buy twin bears. That's my Sammy.

Then we window shopped until we dropped, something we used to do all the time and should definitely do more often. We looked at strollers, diapers, cribs, clothes, you name it and we browsed. Sammy bought the cutest little sleeper suits in white, saying she wasn't sure if she should get blue or pink, so she was playing it safe. I want to know, now!

DAY 57 Friday, 29th March, 2002

Carmen and Lily wanted to know where we'd been yesterday afternoon, and we told them the bare minimum: our parentals had agreed to let us have an afternoon off. Not a word about twin teddy bears and hysterics at the mall.

God, today was boring. I could feel myself falling asleep during Bio, and all that saved me from falling off of my stool was Sam holding my hand and gently rubbing her thumb against my palm. It felt nice, and I wanted more, which kept me awake.

I managed to corner her in the Novak for the umpteenth time this month, and we had our little illicit smoochies, but it was short, too short. I wonder what we'd do if our school didn't have a Novak?

Sometimes I stop and think of what I would have done this month if Sam and I hadn't got together last month. I was so tortured before I knew she loved me… well, tortured is a pretty strong word, but I didn't feel right. And I knew that if I couldn't have Sam, I would have gone back to Josh, great for him, but it would have slowly killed me. And with me being pregnant, I couldn't have coped without Sam there to hold my hand, literally. I'm so lucky it's not funny.

At lunch we sat with Lily and Carmen and we made small talk like old times. I haven't done it for a long time… and now that I think about it, I never really got to make small talk when I was sitting with Nicole and Mary Cherry. It was always about food, fashion or the demise of some unsuspecting freshman.

At home, I decided I wanted Sam. Like, really wanted her. I dragged her up to my room and started kissing her, hoping she'd get the picture. She got it, all right. Making love to Sam is the sweetest thing I have ever experienced… and this time, it wasn't about… those things that Josh couldn't give me (I'm still conscious that my children will be reading this!). It was more about expressing our love, and rather than fireworks and lightening it was like a hot bubble bath. Which we later shared!

We wandered down the stairs hand in hand to dinner, which Jane had made and it was delicious! Pork chops and some sort of vegetable casserole on the side, and it was so good that I'm ashamed to say I had thirds. Sam was watching me with what could only be described as amusement in her eyes. My father, my poor sweet father, has never seen me eat that much in my life before! And Jane just sat there, loving the fact that I was enjoying her cooking so much.

Sam and I have been talking and we've decided that she's going to move into my room permanently, so that the twins can have her room, farthest away from our parentals, as their nursery.

DAY 58 Saturday, 30th March, 2002

Waking up in Sam's arms is something I'm never going to get tired of doing. I love it when I'm awake before she is, so I can wake her Sleeping Beauty style, with a kiss, and I love it when she wakes up before me, and she traces the contours of my face with her fingertips, seeing how much she can memorise before I wake up. It's so soothing, and it's a constant reminder of our love.

Carmen rang us relatively early and told us that Nicole was throwing a party, and even though Nicole had no intention of inviting us, Carmen was there for us and had wangled us an invite. Colour me surprised, but after we talked about it, Sam and I decided to go. It'd be the perfect outing occasion, if nothing else, because that's what it would turn into. Nicole, upon finding us there, would out us mercilessly. Lucky we were okay with that.

Dressed to the nines, we made it to the party. It was an accomplishment. I say this because as soon as I saw what Sam was wearing I wanted to crawl back into bed with her and prove to her how much I want her at this point in time, but she just laughed at me and said we should hurry up if we didn't want to be late.

I don't know at what stage we got separated. Harrison pulled me to one side and started reciting Bible verses to me, and Mary Cherry was at his side, helping him. When I turned around next, Sam wasn't there, and I could just see her, she was outside the front door, and… God, it's still so scary… Nicole was full on punching her! I ran to Sam, screaming for Nicole to stop, but Nicole had her down on the ground now, she was straddling my poor, poor Sammy and hitting her again and again… Already Sam's beautiful lower lip was split, and blood was pouring from it. She was crying, and I didn't blame her, she must have been so scared.

I couldn't stop screaming, and I tried to pull Nicole off of her but I wasn't strong enough. Who should come to my aid but Harrison? The last person I would have expected to stop Sam from getting a beating, and he pulled Nicole off Sam and slammed her into a wall.

"You told me you weren't going to hit her!" he bellowed at her, and Nicole went white as a sheet. I don't think anyone has ever seen Harrison that angry, but he was pissed. And it was at Nicole.

"Spammy McQueerson had it coming, or did you forget that part, Twinky," she spat at him. Harrison let her down in disgust, turning instead to Sam and me.

"God, I never meant for it to get this far," he apologized. Whatever. I just wanted to get out of there, and take Sammy with me.

DAY 59 Sunday, 31st March, 2002

Waking up with Sam. Well, safe to say it's never been quite like this.

After putting her to bed last night, she cried herself to sleep on my shoulder. "I was so scared," she sobbed. "And all I could think of was you and the babies."

I held her until she was asleep, not letting go even then. Even when she woke up, she still wasn't quite right, she was scared and wouldn't let me out of her sight. We went down to the breakfast table (after I'd had my coffee barf attack) but she wouldn't let go of my hand. Which was fine with me, whatever she needed, but I couldn't help but feel terrible for her.

She didn't want to talk about it, that fact became increasingly clear as the day wore on, but she did say one thing. She said Nicole was beating her because she was jealous, apparently Nicole wants me and she knows now she can't have me, and so she was beating the crap out of Sam. Harrison had been instructed to keep me occupied so she could "talk" to Sam, try to make her see the error of our ways, but it got out of hand.

Harrison showed up at about two in the afternoon. I went to answer the door and Sam came with me, clinging to my hand. When she saw it was Harrison, she shrank behind me and whimpered slightly. My heart broke for her.

"What do you want, Harrison," I snarled. I was still pissed at him for all the crap about my children hating me. He held up his hands in a display of surrender.

"I came to say I'm sorry," he said quietly. "I honestly never meant for it to go that far. I just… Brooke, I loved you for the longest time, and finding out you were gay was a shock to my system, especially with a baby on the way. And Sam… Sam, God, I've loved you forever. I still love you. So finding out you were with Brooke was even more of a shock. Can you ever forgive me?"

Sam seemed to be calming down. She stepped out from behind me and spoke to him.

"You hurt us, really badly," she began, her voice steady. "And while we may find it our hearts to forgive you sometime in the future, do NOT expect to come running into our arms at this point in time. You will have to be VERY nice to us in days to come before we even decide to grace you with our voices at school… but I want one thing from you."

"Name it."

"Take back what you said about us, that Brooke's going to be a terrible mother, because she could never be a terrible mother, and take back what you said about my having corrupted her, because I didn't."

"God, I take it back, I take it all back. Sammy, I'm so sorry, please, you have to believe me."

"Brooke's children will love her, just the way she is, and they will love and accept me as part of their lives, because that's the way it is, okay? And if you want to be part of our lives, you're going to have to accept that too."

Harrison left not long after that, and Sam and I watched movies on the sofa, wrapped in each other's arms. I had to believe, even after all that had happened, that everything was going to be okay, and we were truly doing the right thing. In the end, all we have is each other, and I pray that it will be enough is the months to come.