Title: I'd Rather Be In Love (With You)

April 02

AUTHOR: Majandra

Email: flavorlesschocolate@hotmail.com

RATING: PG through PG-15

PAIRING: Brooke/Sam

DISCLAIMER: Ha! Me, own any of this? I should be so lucky.

DAY 60 Monday, 1st April, 2002

Well, after the beating I took last night I wasn't really in the mood to talk to anyone apart from Brooke. She made me tell Mom and Mike what had happened, though, and they did the whole parental concern thing, and asked me if I wanted to press charges. I said no. I'd had enough of being exposed to Nicole, and I didn't want to get her even angrier. Funnily enough, I couldn't even believe it had happened to begin with, and at the same time I knew it had happened and I was scared, really scared.

I know, I know, it was irrational, but I couldn't help it. I clung to Brooke for most of the day, and barely spoke to anyone. Mom and Mike made me go to school.

Lily grabbed me in a big hug as soon as she saw me, and I shrank away from her. It was like, as I've said before, that Brooke was my big security blanket. She hugged me every chance we got, and somehow it made me feel better.

By lunchtime I was feeling better, though. I was talking to most people, but only when they spoke to me, and then only one word answers, if I could manage it.

During my afternoon classes, I wrote a letter to Brooke. It was more a mental exercise than anything, I wanted to take my mind off of things, and also I wanted to see if I could define what it was I felt for her. It was hard, really hard. Imagine Socrates trying to define what was holy and what wasn't. I felt like that, everything that made its way from my mind to the paper seemed hopelessly inadequate. In the end I wrote a crappy little poem about the things I love the most about her, and came up with a plan.

This is the plan.

I told Mom and Mike that before the babies come, I want to move into Brooke's room and do up my room as a nursery for the babies. They thought it was an awesome idea, and said they'd match whatever money I put towards it. I intend to hold them to that, and get a job so that I can put a LOT of money towards this.

I haven't told Brooke the real reason I want to get a job. I've told her it's because I wanted to put some money towards college. She's going to be so surprised come mid-July when we bundle her off somewhere and surprise her with this!

I started scouring the want ads but so far, I haven't seen anything that a) I'm qualified for and b) that interests me. I know beggars can't be choosers but I'm not going to subject myself to a crap job for three months plus. I value myself more than that.

DAY 61 Tuesday, 2nd April, 2002

I completely forgot to mention Harrison. Yesterday he was fawning all over us like a puppy dog. He says he's so sorry, he never meant for it to go that far, Nicole is a bitch, and most of all, he's so sorry. I'm not sure whether to forgive him or not. I wonder if some divine inspiration will tell me whether or not to forgive him! And if I thought today was embarrassing because of him on his knees begging for forgiveness, today was worse.

He bought us lunch and sat with us while we picked at it (cafeteria food is never the best) and just watched us with these big puppy dog eyes. It's enough to make you sick, honestly. But I grinned and bore it, because I know Brooke wants the whole dispute to be over, and I'll be damned if I'm going to be the one prolonging anything.

Anyway, once we were finished eating, we made as if to leave, but he stopped us. "Can't we talk a while?" he asked, well, begged. I was going to say no, but again, thoughts of Brooke stopped me.

"Talk then," I told him, sitting down again.

"Look, I'm sorry. I never meant… well, we've been through this. What I want to know is what I can do to make it up to you, both of you." I thought. Brooke spoke.

"Well, I know what you can do for me," she said quietly. His eyes got big and shiny and he promised, anything, he'd do it. "When you see me in the halls, ask me how I'm doing. How my pregnancy is going. Reassure me that I'll be a good mother. Be a friend, Harrison. Can you do that?"

"Yes, I can. I know I haven't, but I can. I meant what I said on Sunday, I meant what I said yesterday, what I'm saying today. I want to be there for both of you."

Then it was my turn, and suddenly all the malice was gone from my body. Yes, I know he was a jerk, and yes, I know he was half responsible for the most horrific episode in my life, and yes I know he was a jerk, but he was my best friend before all of this, and I wanted things to go back to the way they were between us before.

"For me? I'd like a hug," I admitted shyly. I got up from the table, and he did too. He wrapped his arms around me and while it took me a bit, I slowly relaxed into his embrace. I saw Brooke watching with tears in her eyes, and I thought, maybe the three of us will go on to be an unbeatable team, and it'll be all right. See, there can be hope. I have to believe in this because I know how much he could hurt me if he wanted to.

DAY 62 Wednesday, 3rd April, 2002

Still scouring the want ads, and today I found something. Okay, it's not the most glamorous job but it looks promising. There's an ad for the supermarket not far from our house, and they want someone to work three days a week in the Delicatessen, and two days out the back stocking shelves. I can do that! So I rang the number and set up an appointment for tomorrow afternoon.

Time for a pregnancy update, I think. Brooke has been having a tough time of it, I think. Her morning sickness is still quite bad, but at least Mike knows! So I didn't have to pretend to have stomach flu after all.

She's been going to the bathroom a lot more. I guess it's because there are two babies sitting on her bladder. The only thing is, the only bathroom she can really go to at school is the Novak, and that's where Nicole and Mary Cherry hang out, so she's really had to brush up on her silent treatment skills. I hear Nicole is begging for forgiveness much in the style of Harrison, but so far Brooke won't hear of it. Apparently you can say what you like about her, but as soon as I'm in the line of fire things get ugly.

Brooke told me we have to go and see Dr Rosencoff again sometime this month because he wants to measure something called the fundal height of the babies. At this stage both of us are dying to know what sex they are, her because she wants to plan names, and me because I want to plan the nursery.

Today Brooke had a really bad headache, and if I were truthful, she's been having quite a few of them lately. It's normal, the doctor assures us, but I hate seeing her in so much pain.

All the teachers at school know about Brooke being pregnant now, and they've actually been really nice about it, all except the Claw, who hasn't said a thing. I wonder: should we worry? Because I've had the Claw as a teacher for a few years now, and silence is never a good thing.

Brooke still thinks I'm getting a job to pay for college and she's started going on about how the trust fund Mike put away for her could pay for both of us, and he supposedly wants it to pay for both of us, but so far I'm `holding out.' I mean, I like Mike, and if he wants to pay for my college he can, but I can't think of any other cover story so I don't have to tell her about the plans for the nursery.

I asked her for her opinion on what I should wear to the interview. She picked me out a plain white form-fitting button down shirt and tight black pants, and then said if she were the interviewer, she'd prefer it if I wore my birthday suit to the interview.

So we had sex. God, I love Brooke McQueen.

DAY 63 Thursday, 4th April, 2002

I went for the interview today. Two people interviewed me, Treacy from the Deli and Wayne from out the back. Yes, I know Treacy is a very strange way of spelling Tracey, but there's nothing I can do about that.

I was pretty much asked why I wanted the job, and I confided in them about the nursery… didn't tell them that Brooke's my girlfriend though. Anyway, it looks promising. Everyone looks really nice, and I'm looking forward to getting to know everyone. I think the uniforms are kind of hideous though. It's a dark blue dress that reaches below the knees, with long sleeves, gross. But that's the price I pay for my Brookie.

I was freaking out about the interview all day for some reason, so I didn't pay much attention to school. Turns out I should have, because I missed something important. Brooke told me that Lily and Josh are on the rocks. They had their first big public fight today, god knows what it was over, but anyway, things aren't looking good for that particular marriage.

I was watching Scrubs the other day, sad, yes, I know, but I was. They were talking about relationships, and someone said something about how the difference between a relationship that's going to work and one that isn't, isn't that the good ones don't have any problems. He said everyone has problems, but the ones that are going to work just find a way through the problems. Does that make any sense? The way I see it, I love Brooke enough that the small problems we do have, I just let them go, because I'm not willing to lose her over something petty.

When I got home from the interview I was pretty keyed up, and Brooke was ready to grill me about every little thing that happened, but I told her I didn't want to jinx it by talking about it. She gave me a back rub, and I felt really guilty because it should be the other way around. So I gave HER a back rub, and I have to admit, it was extremely rewarding to hear her purring like a kitten.

Anyway, being with Brooke successfully took my mind off of the interview and the outcome, which I was told I would find out tomorrow. Suddenly, in light of everything I'd seen of the supermarket, I found myself hoping more than anything that I would get the job. I kind of have this sixth sense about things like this, I can tell about people just by looking at them. I had a feeling I was going to love working there… provided I get the job.

We ended the day by falling asleep together… actually, falling asleep over each other. It's funny; the most comfortable place for me now is anywhere where I'm touching Brooke, just being near her comforts me. I never thought I'd feel this way about anyone or anything after my father died.

DAY 64 Friday, 5th April, 2002

Again I found myself unable to concentrate in school. I completely spaced on the Lily Josh thing, which upsets me a little because Lily is a good friend of mine, and if she was going through anything major I wanted to be there to help her through it. But I never got the chance today, because I was agonizing over this job and the call I was supposed to get after school.

However, if I think about it, I did notice one thing. Mary Cherry isn't hanging around Nicole nearly as much now, and she walks around school all day these days with this pathetic droopy look on her face. I wonder what's wrong with her?

I went from class to class as if in a dream, according to Brooke, who filled me in on everything after I was awake again. I have no idea how I made it, but apparently I was on autopilot.

Again, I found myself turning to Brooke for comfort and comforting her, as if we were our own little unit against the world. I can't wait for the twins to be born; we'll really be our own little family. Brooke is going to be such a good mother, and I think maybe I could do a good job as well, if she lets me.

Anyway, at about half past four, I got this phone call saying I'd got the job, and could I please come down for a uniform fitting and orientation type thing? So Brooke drove me down there and came with me.

I'm in the smallest uniform they have, because I'm apparently skinny compared to all the other workers. I didn't see it, though. I was shown the Deli, and out the back, and introduced to any number of people that I wouldn't remember if I was paid to. I've never been that good with names, numbers (like phone numbers and birthdays) are really my forte.

Then I got taken upstairs and given a locker, and a mug in the staff room, and my working schedule. Looks like this:

Monday Deli 4 – 9
Tuesday Store 5 – 9
Wednesday Off
Thursday Off
Friday Deli 4 – 8
Saturday Store 2 – 7
Sunday Deli 12 – 7

So I can handle that, right? It looks simple enough. And I have Brooke to remind me when I'm working, and to rub my feet afterwards. The Deli is all girls, and I'm having mixed feelings about that. I get the feeling Brooke isn't terribly happy about it. She's much happier about Store, where I'm going to be working with guys and girls.

DAY 65 Saturday, 6th April, 2002

It was my first day of work today! Brooke kissed me goodbye, and boy, was it a fabulous goodbye kiss! If that's any indication of how things are going to be, I think I'm going to like working. She said she couldn't make it to have lunch with me today, and besides, I didn't even know when I'd be HAVING lunch, so she said she'd pick me up afterwards and I could tell her all about it.

Well. I walked in there at the same time as this girl Elizabeth, or Lizzie, as she likes to be called. She'd just finished her lunch and was going back to work. She said she used to work in the Deli, but now she only worked in Store. I kind of stuck to her, asked her to show me the ropes, but she laughed gently and said Wayne would take care of me. Who the hell was Wayne?

Wayne is the supervisor, together with Daniel. Daniel is kind of cute, if you like that sort of thing, which I don't. I got buddied with Lizzie anyway, and I was thankful for that. We'd really seemed to click in the short time we'd been talking.

Every now and then she went upstairs to do the washing, leaving me to talk to the other people. There was Becky, who was my age, Jamie who was a year older, Hayley, another year older than Jamie, and to my surprise, another Sam. He cracked up when I told him MY name was Sam, and we've started calling each other Sammy. It's funny, I hardly let anyone do that, and by all accounts he doesn't let ANYONE do that, so I guess I'm off to a good start. Wayne started calling me Samantha to distinguish between us, which I hate. I told him to call me Sam. Daniel has picked up on the fact that I hate being called Samantha and has started teasing me. I'm ignoring him, for now.

I had "lunch" at five, when Lizzie was taking her afternoon break. She told me everything I wanted to know, including a run down of some of the Deli people.

The day went… well, not slowly, but not quickly either. I could handle it. Lizzie was starting to look decidedly frayed around the edges though, but then again she'd started at 10. By the end of the night I was laughing and joking with the best of them. I hadn't told Lizzie I'm gay, though. I don't know why I didn't, I mean, I told her almost everything else. We had a good old chat. I just had this feeling that if I told her, things might get weird between us, and I didn't want that.

By the time Brooke picked me up I was exhausted. I said goodbye to everyone and jumped in the car, pointing out everyone to Brooke. We went home where I pretty much crashed in Brooke's lap. Well, she'll just have to wait until I'm not exhausted before I can tell her about my job.

DAY 66 Sunday, 7th April, 2002

I went to work in the Deli for the first time today. It was really good fun… well, most of it was. Lizzie wasn't there. I chatted with this girl Jen the whole time. There's a lot more to learn when you're in the Deli, there's certain ways to clean everything, and then I had to learn about how to serve all the cold meats and salads to customers. Jen was really great; she went round the other side of the counter and pretended to be a customer so I could practice.

So I was working 12 till 7, and I got a half hour lunch at three. I was starving. Jen had told me I would probably have lunch then, so I'd said to Brooke she should come have lunch with me. She was starving by the time she got there, though. We went out to the parking lot and ate and ate and ate. It was really great to see a familiar face, especially when I'd been meeting new people all day.

In the Deli, there are four kinds of shifts. There's early, which is 7.30 till 2, and Jen works that shift. Caroline does splits, which is 9.30 till 6.30. There's late, which is me, and then a full time worker works either 7 till 4 or 8.30 till 5.30. This week, it was Aimee, who I really like, she's almost as nice and Lizzie.

Working in the Deli is very different to working out the back. For a start, there's only girls in the Deli, and there's mostly cleaning to do, as opposed to taking things out. But you can't really carry on a conversation when you're working in Store, because you always have to take your trolley someplace else. Not so in the Deli. You're pretty much stuck with those people for the whole day, so you can have some pretty funny running jokes.

Even though I was happy doing what I was doing, I couldn't help but wave to all the Store people I knew, especially this guy Bill, who I think is going to be a good friend of mine. The only thing is, I'm going to have to keep Brooke away from him, because from what I've seen of him he's pretty dodgy.

Brooke had supper waiting for me when I got home… Pizza! We ate it in front of the TV, watching some movie… Election, I think it was. I was exhausted, but not quite as bad as yesterday. Maybe I'm getting used to being a working girl.

Brooke asked me if I liked working, and I told her I'd be fine. I've told her about all the people, and she says it sounds like fun. She also thinks it might be a good idea if she got a job there, so she can put some more money away for the twins. I said she could if she wants to. But I think I'd better warn Bill about Brooke.

And warn Brooke about Bill.

DAY 67 Monday, 8th April, 2002

School. I was wondering how the whole working after school thing was going to work out, because I was pretty tired after working all weekend, but it turned out I was fine. We told Harrison all about my job, and he did his little fawn over Sam and Brooke thing that's started off cute but is starting to get really irritating.

Brooke and I were really snuggly today. I don't know why. See, usually, I'm this person who can't really let a lot of people touch me. There's really only a few people I can handle touching me, like Mom, Brooke, and my friends, right? But with Lily and Carmen I can't handle very much touching. And today I really surprised myself. We were all standing in a group at lunchtime, you know, just kind of standing around talking. And I knew that everyone knew about Brooke and I being an item, and I also knew no one really cared. So I stood really close to her and I put my arms around her, and kind of sighed happily.

I could feel her arms snake around my waist, and as her grip tightened I heard her whisper "My Sammy."

I whispered back "My Brooke." And we were just standing there with our arms around each other, my head on her shoulder, talking to our friends like nothing was different. And the great thing was, nothing WAS different.

It turns out that the rosters at work have been tweaked slightly so that Lizzie is pretty much working exactly the same Store times as I do, because she's been designated as my buddy. No complaints here. That only leaves Deli hours to find people I can relate to. Jen wasn't there this time, leaving me to talk to this girl called Sarah. I don't know if I like her or not, she's kind of patronizing which I hate, but she's also got a really sarcastic sense of humor which I love, so I'm waiting to see what happens.

Monday night is like Sunday, except there's extra cleaning. Oh well. I talked to Sarah about Lizzie, and boy, did I find out some interesting stuff! It seems Lizzie has been known to make out with girls on a semi regular basis, even though she insists she's straight, and she does go out with and sleep with guys. It's interesting to know. If things ever go sour between Brooke and I, I might try my luck with Lizzie. She's actually really hot. She's very hot. She's got these legs that just go for miles, and a killer smile, and… well, not a good idea to be drooling over Lizzie while I'm dating Brooke.

She was waiting in my room when I got home – Brooke, I mean, not Lizzie. She pushed me roughly onto the bed and proceeded to kiss me within an inch of my life. Not that I was complaining! I matched her kiss for kiss, as the clothing seemed to melt off of us, and find its way to the floor, and we made love for hours.

DAY 68 Tuesday, 9th April, 2002

I was back in the Store. Lizzie greeted me with a big grin and a hug when I got into the changing room. Almost straight away we started chatting away like we'd been apart for months instead of a few days.

It's like there's always so much to talk about with Lizzie. She's so easy to talk to, and she's always kind and never patronizing, not like Sarah.

I've caught onto the games the boys play fairly quickly. Mostly it's what they call "Hottie Spotting" which means if one of the guys sees a hot chick he goes to get the other guys and they all have a good ogle – charming, no? Well, Lizzie went off down the Health and Beauty aisle while I was still loading a trolley, and I caught the guys checking her out… they just stood there, watching her ass as she walked. I stood with them and watched too… and while I had to admit she had a mighty fine ass, I knew Brooke's was nicer. Then I made the mistake of saying this out loud.

"Sam!" Bill yelped in something resembling alarm. "What, are you a dyke?"

"No," I replied. "I'm a lesbian. There's a difference." I was completely calm and collected.

Bill's real name is Clinton, but we all call him Bill for obvious reasons. He seemed almost pretty cool with my being gay, if you can follow my twisted logic. Anyway, he's usually the ringleader for the whole hottie-spotting thing. So the next time I saw a hot chick, I came running to him, and he commended me on my hottie-spotting skills. I beamed.

I did ask the guys not to say anything to Lizzie. I'm still not sure I want her to know. But now it feels like I have an in with the guys, because I can relate to what they're talking about when they talk about girls, and before I wasn't exactly Miss Outgoing when it came to members of the opposite sex.

Things are definitely starting to look up. I have a great job, that I love, and people I get along with really well. I felt like I was on top of the world – that it, until I realized news spreads like wild fire here in the supermarket, and by the time I got to work on Friday, this would be all over the place. Oh well.

I managed to set myself up working with Lizzie, my favorite friend, because I've progressed beyond the buddy stage now and I no longer need one. It was good to be able to casually put my name down for Confectionary next to hers and not have anyone say anything. I think in another life we must have known each other, to be friends like this. We managed to finish Confectionary in record time, and spent the rest of the time talking about our childhoods. I even told her about my Dad. She gave me a big hug, and somehow I felt a tiny bit better, like I do when Brooke hugs me.

DAY 69 Wednesday, 10th April, 2002

Today was the first day in a while that I haven't had to go to work, so I took the chance to sit up and take notice of what was happening around me at school. And boy, was I surprised by what I saw.

Lily and Josh have completely separated. They've filed for divorce and are barely even speaking to each other, and I was dying to know why, but I hadn't had a chance to talk to Lily. I'd been too busy taking notice!

The weirdest thing was Mary Cherry. It's like she's completely renounced Nicole or something, she won't even look at her in the halls and she goes around humming to herself kind of sadly. I think I caught her humming "I'd Rather Be In Love" by Michelle Branch today, which kind of makes me wonder whom she's thinking about.

After hearing that I bumped into Lily and decided to get to the bottom of the Josh business. And what I found out shocked me.

It turns out that they wanted to get a bit more adventurous in the bedroom, so to speak, and so they were talking about what they could do to spice things up. Josh suggested a threesome, and while Lily was a bit wary, she agreed on the condition that they chose the person together. She wanted someone they both know, like, maybe Carmen, or me, apparently. And she wasn't afraid to admit this to me, which is a bit bewildering, but anyway. So she asked Josh who he wanted the third person to be. He said, Harrison.

This started a big fight, for some reason I'm not entirely sure about. I don't see how it was okay for Lily to want the other person to be a friend who happened to be the same sex as her, but then when Josh wanted it to be a friend of the same sex as him, all hell broke loose. Finally, it came out that Josh had been fantasizing about Harrison for months now, even while he and Lily had been having sex.

Lily wanted out. She revealed she had been thinking about someone else too, but she wouldn't tell me who it was. She did say, however, it was someone I knew, and that was the reason she couldn't tell me. If this person she's been thinking about is Nicole, I'm going to have to murder her. I swear I would NOT be able to handle one of my very good friends having a thing for Satan.

Anyway, a recap is in order. Lily and Josh have broken up. Josh has been fantasizing about Harrison. Harrison doesn't know yet. Lily wants someone else, who has yet to be identified. And the worst thing is I could have been asked to participate in a threesome with my current girlfriend's ex boyfriend. Ay caramba.

It was an eye-opening day, that's for damn sure.

DAY 70 Thursday, 11th April, 2002

No work today, same as yesterday. I breezed through school, I was like, the perfect me.

I started by comforting both Lily and Josh over their break up with sensitive and not at all condescending chats (not at the same time, though!) and I really think that both of them felt at least a little better. I did warn Josh about Harrison's homophobia, though. I mean, not that I think Harrison would persecute Josh the way he did to us, after what happened, but you can never be too careful.

I took Brooke out for lunch and told her how much I love her, and she was thrilled with the present I bought for her on the spur of the moment: outfits for the babies! They match, they're tiny little green playsuits. Green, because we don't know if they're boys or girls yet. But they have the cutest little frog motif!

After school I took Brooke into work to introduce her to Bill. I've been putting it off for a while, but I had a stroke of genius and luckily, Brooke agreed.

I walked in first. I said hi to Bill, and we stood around talking for a couple of minutes. My back was to anyone who was walking past us, so he was facing the right way when Brooke walked innocently (!) past. Bill grabbed my arm, as predicted, and pointed out the hottie. I turned around, said, "Her?" and he nodded, his mouth wide. I walked over to her and gave her a big hug.

"Bill? This is Brooke," I said, smiling. Brooke was covering her mouth, trying not to laugh out loud.

"Nice to meet you," she spluttered. "I've hard a lot about you."

"Wish I could say the same thing," Bill said, looking at me out of the corner of his eyes. "Guess Sam and I need to have a little chat."

"It'll have to be later," I told him, cheekily. "Brookie and I have to shop now!"

With that we walked away, and my hand crept into Brooke's. I love holding hands with her! We stopped at the Deli, and I introduced her to some of the girls I work with. Lizzie was nowhere to be seen… until we rounded the last corner, and there she was, stacking potato chips.

"And this is Lizzie," I said, kind of lamely, because Lizzie was looking, well, FINE. Lizzie said hi, but both of them were eyeing each other kind of warily. I don't know why, but it was weird, very weird. Maybe I'd better keep the two of them apart from now on, or something!

DAY 71 Friday, 12th April, 2002

I worked in the Deli tonight. It was fun, a really big giggle. It started off with a few of us, Treacy, Charlotte and I, but Treacy left after an hour, and after that is was just me and Charlotte, and we had SUCH a good time!

Charlotte is kind of accident-prone. Well, that's an understatement. This evening, she walked from the sink to the counter so she could serve an elderly lady. On the way, she tripped over the mop bucket. That would have been funny enough, but after she righted herself from that and kept walking towards the old lady, she then tripped over a trolley. I was almost rolling on the floor crying with laughter, but I had to keep it in, so she could serve with a straight face.

We had a serious chat, too. We actually talked about Lizzie. I told Charlotte about the weirdness between her and Brooke yesterday, and she kind of smiled knowingly, and said, "Ah," before she had to go and serve. I was waiting for her to come back and explain the significance of the "Ah," but then there were too many people, and I had to help, and it was about fifteen minutes before we had some time to ourselves again.

"What do you mean, `Ah,' about Lizzie being weird with Brooke?" I asked her. She sighed.

"You know Lizzie's bi, right?" she asked me. I nodded, and she continued. "Well, she has this thing… I think she's dating a guy, but that won't last long. When she likes someone, she gets really jealous. And Sam? I think she likes you."

I was stunned. Beautiful, gorgeous and popular Lizzie, liked me? And I have a girlfriend! What was I going to do?

"What am I going to do? I already have a girlfriend!"

"A GIRLfriend?"

I told her the truth, about me, Brooke, and the babies, and the living arrangements. She listened intently. Then, when I'd finally finished, and was pausing for breath, she spoke.

"Don't say anything to Lizzie unless she says something to you," she advised. "No sense in rocking the boat unless you really need to get out."

And I could see the sense in that. I walked over to the slicer and placed a roll of ham on it, to make shaved ham. Setting the dials, I flipped the switch and let the machine go to work, watching it contemplatively. Actually, I contemplated the situation for most of the rest of the night.

DAY 72 Saturday, 13th April, 2002

When I walked in the big plastic doors today, I was told by Wayne that Lizzie was going to teach me to do the laundry. Which wasn't exactly great, as I going to avoid her and think some more about the whole sticky situation. Lizzie, on the other hand, seemed thrilled.

"It's going to be so much fun!" she said excitedly. "It's great, you get to go upstairs every half hour, and it really breaks the day up!"

It was a different story when we went up there for the first time. She busied herself putting dirty smocks in the washer, and wet smocks in the dryer, and then she turned on the hose for a hot wash. While we were waiting for it to fill up, she started up.

"Sam, I'm sure you've heard some things about me," she began, and she looked really serious and at the same time, sort of sad. I kind of tilted my head to the side to show that I was listening. She went on. "I'm bisexual, Sam. My boyfriend… he's a thing of the past, as of two days ago. You see there's someone else I've been thinking of."

"Really?" I asked. "Who?"

"Sam," she scolded gently. "Don't play dumb. You have to know I'm crushing on you."

I was gobsmacked, for lack of a better word. Even though people had been telling me she had a thing for me, I couldn't believe it. I couldn't. I mean there was Brooke to consider…

"Lizzie, I'm flattered," I began, kind of stammering a little. "But I have a girlfriend."

"So… if you were single, I'd have a chance?" she asked, hopefully. I smiled.

"Yes. If I weren't with Brooke, I'd want to be with you, for sure. But I am with Brooke. I love her, and I can't see myself without her. I'm sorry."

"No, don't be," she said, wiping away a few stray tears. I felt terrible, and I reached out to give her a hug. She held me tight for a moment, a long moment, and then we separated.

She offered to drive me home after work, which was good, because Brooke was probably tired. We pulled up in front of the house, and I said goodnight and opened the car door. She pulled me in and kissed me on the cheek, then let me go. I walked slowly inside, not knowing whether to freak or get excited.

DAY 73 Sunday, 14th April, 2002

Ah, a long shift in the Deli. There's nothing like it for clearing out the sinuses… I don't know what I'm talking about.

I got put out front which was a bonus as it's the best place to think when you're working in the Deli, and I really needed to think. And what I needed to think about was the Lizzie thing. Was I happy about what had happened last night? Did I want it to happen again? Did I want to kiss her properly?

I decided I needed to talk to her about Brooke, and how Brooke's pregnant. Maybe if she knows there are babies in the equation, she'll let the whole thing be.

As luck would have it, she came through the supermarket at about 2.30, shopping for god knows what. I think she needed some chocolate. The point was, I pulled her aside and started to talk to her.

"How's it going?" I asked her, and I was relieved to see that nothing was awkward between us. It was as if the kiss had never happened. She said she was good, and then I told her I needed to talk to her, and could she come and have lunch with me? She said yes, so we set a date for 4.30.

She was punctual, thank god. I only had half an hour in which to explain myself, and I really didn't feature spending half of that time waiting for her to show up. We went to the churchyard across the road from the supermarket and sat down on a bench in the cemetery, believe it or not. It could have been really romantic, had I been feeling that way inclined.

I told her everything, from how Brooke and I got together to how we found out about the babies, and everything we've had to deal with at school. I ended by telling her that nothing could happen between us, not now, and not ever while I was with Brooke. She looked… I don't know. The look on her face was indefinable.

We hugged before I went back, and I like to think we were still good. I certainly was singing to myself as I went back to work. I boogied around the Deli, thinking for sure that everything was fine.

I was working with Jen, thank God. She's already adjusted to my quirkiness. So it was okay when I couldn't stop smiling. I truly believed everything was fine, and things between Lizzie and me were hunky dory. Oh, the foolishness of youth. The rest of the day passed without any major occurrences. Oh, there was the part where Jen slipped over on some egg salad that someone had thoughtlessly spilled (!) and fell on her ass. I maintain my innocence in this matter… I ALWAYS clean up my spills… Just because Jen can't control her feet!

DAY 74 Monday, 15th April, 2002

I wasn't exactly looking forward to school. But at least I had a good reason. Brooke woke me up this morning in rather a nice way…

I woke up to find her hovering over me, about to kiss me. I let her kiss me, and when she pulled back, she grinned evilly.

"Sammy," she whined playfully, "I'm horny."

Well, what could I say? Needless to say, I abandoned toast in favor of Brooke (tee hee hee) and though I wished we could stay in bed all day, I went to school with a smile on my face.

Lily greeted me at the door, looking like she'd been crying. I pulled her into a hug straight away, where she really did start crying, so I took her to the Novak and helped her fix her face.

"Now, are you going to tell me what's going on, girl?" I asked her, mock seriously. She sniffled.

"You'd understand, I guess, but I'm not sure I want to share," she muttered. Intrigued, I sat next to her and ruffled her hair.

"You know I'm here, if you want to tell," I reassured her. She smiled.

"Sam, I'm in love. But I'm in love with someone I can't ever have. Sound familiar? It should, it's the plot for just about every love story I've ever read. But the difference is, this time I really CAN'T have her. So I guess I'm fucked."

"Who?"

But that she wouldn't tell me. She was content to just sit close to me, and be comforted. I think. But hey, I know Lily, and she wouldn't so anything stupid. She's stable. She'll tell me when she's ready for me to know.

Work was… random, to say the least. Bill came over to me while I was doing the cleaning, after the shop was closed. The only other person around was Aimee, and she tactfully made herself scarce. Well, she went over to the sink and busied herself there.

Bill told me he likes me. There, I said it. He came right out and said he likes me, has ever since he laid eyes on me, and I'm finding this really hard to deal with because he's actually engaged to Sera, who's a good friend of mine. At least, she was shaping up to be a good friend, and aiding and abetting in her fiancée cheating on her probably isn't the best way to her heart.

DAY 75 Tuesday, 16th April, 2002

Well, if it was anyone's fault that we were running behind today, it's not mine! I blame Genna; she was the one who got me started with the Cat Stevens thing.

Maybe I should start from the start. Genna is one of the girls who work on a Tuesday night with me, obviously. She's only 15, and she's really adorable. It's not so much her looks, as the way she carries herself, the way she says things, and the jokes she tells. I think she's absolutely precious, but that's just me. I was working with her for a change; I'm not even entirely sure what Lizzie was doing.

Anyhow, there were a couple of underlying jokes tonight. One was the whole Ralph Wiggum from the Simpsons thing, where she says all of Ralph's lines in a Ralph voice, and it's just hilarious. I joined in after a bit, and the two of us were in hysterics. "Miss Hoover? I glued my head to my shoulder."

Then she started singing Incubus, "Are You In?" and the bit where they go "ooh, ooh" etc, she does that in this really funny voice, and so we were off again. That of course started us on the Cat Stevens thing, because he happened to be played over the sound system while we were working, so we made up this medley of all his songs, and after the shop had closed we were performing it at the top of our lungs, interspersed with many a giggle. I haven't laughed that hard in ages, not since the time Broke was doing the whole "Mawak!" thing.

Wayne was laughing along with us in the beginning, but he was starting to get really pissy by the time we got up to Breakfast Foods, which is the last thing on the list. We only had about half the time we needed to do it in, and he wasn't happy. So we had to work really hard, and by the time we were allowed to leave, we were all really tired.

I staggered in the door after Lizzie dropped me off, and Brooke met me with a sizzling kiss. I love when she does that! It turns out she feels really bad that I'm going out to earn money almost every day, because she's just sitting around the house being pregnant, so Mom got her a job filing and answering the phone at her firm. It's great, because maybe now Brooke will have less time to feel bad about Lizzie.

Brooke was insatiable tonight, and I loved it. We made love about three times before falling in an exhausted heap on her bed. I practically live in her room now; my room is a thing of the past. I talked to Mom and she's started discreetly moving things from my room into Brooke's room, and putting them away. If Brooke has noticed, she hasn't said anything, but I'm sure she likes "having to" wake up next to me. I love it. So the preparations for the nursery are in full swing, and they get put into action in July.

DAY 76 Wednesday, 17th April, 2002

No work today, but something else completely random in itself. Lily came over to me in the cafeteria, where I was at the time spoon-feeding Brooke her apple crumble playfully, and asked if we could talk. She looked pointedly at Brooke, as if to say, "Alone," so I checked no one was looking and brushed my lips against Brooke's, telling her I'd be right back.

Lily practically dragged me to the Novak, where she proceeded to check all the stalls to see no one was around. Satisfied, she turned to me.

"You have to swear you won't tell anyone, Sam. And you also have to swear, no matter how good your intentions may be, that you won't do anything about what I'm going to tell you."

"Lily, it's ME you're talking to. I would never tell, if you told me not to. And as for the other part, I don't know what you're talking about."

Okay, so I kind of have a reputation for trying to play Cupid and failing miserably. That's not a reason to get defensive and warn me not to do anything! And my intentions are always impeccable! But I promised her I wouldn't. And this is what she told me.

"Sam…" she began, then took a big breath. "Sam, I'm in love with Mary Cherry."

My jaw dropped. It must have. If there was a speed record for jaws hitting the floor, my jaw beat it. It went from about 5'4" to the floor in about 0.04 seconds.

"You WHAT?"

She wasn't kidding, unfortunately. But no, I'm going to be supportive about this. You can't help whom you love. I of all people should know that. I mean, as recently as February I hated Brooke with a fiery vengeance, and look at me now.

So I did the only thing I could do. I gave Lily a hug and said I wouldn't tell, and I wouldn't try to set them up or anything. And I knew this time this was a promise I would be keeping. I just couldn't see the two of them together, and frankly, I didn't want to.

I went back to join Brooke, but it's killing me not being able to tell her, because she's been following the Lily Josh break up with interest (that sounds really bad, but it's not, she's just got connections with both sides of the story) and I know she'd be interested at this turn of events. Maybe if I ask Lily nicely…

DAY 77 Thursday, 18th April, 2002

Brooke went for another scan today, and of course I went with her. She was nervous, more nervous than she's been on her other scans, but I guess it was because she think today might be the day she finally gets to find out the sexes of the babies.

We went to see the doctor and he lay her down on the table, did the scan thing and pronounced her healthy. Brooke took a deep breath.

"Can you tell the sexes?"

The doctor sighed. "It IS possible to tell this early, but I just can't. The two of them are shielding each other at the moment. It would be easier to tell in about four or five weeks, to tell the honest truth."

Brooke looked crestfallen. "Can't you even make an educated guess?"

"Well, not really. But if I had to give my professional opinion, I'd say wait. It's always fun to find out when they're born. It's more of a surprise then."

If looks could kill, that doctor would have been ash. Honestly, the look on Brooke's face was enough to strip paint.

"I'm seventeen years old. Just finding out I'm pregnant was all the surprise I needed, thanks all the same. I would dearly like to know the sexes of the babies I'm carrying, so can you please look again and do your best to tell me."

All this was said in a perfectly even voice, but someone who knows Brooke as well as I do would have seen that she was about to climb off of that table and open up a can of whoop ass on that man.

He must have got the picture, because he fired up the machine again, or whatever. I was just standing there like a burnt stump while this was all going on, holding Brooke's hand. Seeing the babies was thrilling. I was completely speechless. I just couldn't believe there were actually two babies inside of my girlfriend, and we were going to get to keep them. Brooke squeezed my hand, and when I looked at her she was grinning at me. It must have been doubly exciting for her, considering the babies were growing inside of her.

He looked, and he looked. He hummed and he hawed. He moved the machine around on Brooke's swollen stomach, trying to get a better look at the babies. Finally, he looked up, and I could see the relief on his face. Obviously, he'd figured out the sexes.

"Miss McQueen, by no means is this final and irrefutable, but I have reason to believe you are carrying…" {A/N dun dun dun!}

{A/N And I checked, it IS actually medically possible to find out this early}

DAY 78 Friday, 19th April, 2002

Brooke and I are ecstatic. Two little girls! I'm already deciding on names, and any help I can get is greatly appreciated. I think Brooke is the same. She likes quite Spanish sounding names, and she's starting to bring me around to her way of thinking. I love the way they just roll off your tongue.

Anyway, apart from that excitement, because we just had to tell Lily and Carmen, and, as an afterthought, Harrison, there was the added excitement of the Lily situation. Apparently not even Carmen knows the information I'm privy to, according to Lily, and she wants to keep it that way. Carmen and Mary Cherry have a long-standing feud, so Carmen wouldn't be too happy about Lily being in love with the enemy. Come to think of it, I thought Lily and Mary Cherry had a long-standing feud as well. But people change, I guess…

I went to Lily today, before the news about the twins was shared, and practically begged permission to tell Brooke, because I don't like having to keep things from her, and the whole Lizzie thing, while nothing had happened, was enough to keep to myself, thanks very much. Lily was hesitant at first, but I bribed her by telling her I could tell her the sex of the babies. She caved like a soggy paper bag.

The look on Brooke's face was priceless. Honestly, if I could have, I would have framed it and sold it to Hallmark, because I have never seen a look like that on anyone before. It was pure delight, and I couldn't understand why. Then Brooke decided to break a confidence.

"Sam, don't you know anything? Mary Cherry's been mooning around for weeks, and it's because she's in love with someone. And you didn't think to ask me whom, did you. Oh, no, Brooke's too busy being pregnant, she doesn't know anything." She smacked me on the back in glee. "Sammy, don't you see? The feeling is, in this case, mutual!"

And just like that, Lily has become every bad teenage love story she was complaining about the other day. But something tells me if she knew, she'd stop complaining about said teen love stories.

Brooke made me swear not to say anything to Lily until she'd had a chance to talk to Mary Cherry. I had to say something then. "Brooke, no! I promised Lily, no meddling!"

The look changed from gleeful to evil. "But I didn't."

Thus begins Operation Get Mary Cherry and Lily together. Should be a mission and a half, but if Brooke's happy, then so am I. And wow! Two little girls!

DAY 79 Saturday, 20th April, 2002

I honestly don't know what happened today. I woke up in a really good mood. I chatted with Mom and Mike, and I kissed Brooke goodbye… oh, boy, did I kiss Brooke goodbye. Then I kissed the girls goodbye (the twins, of course!) and I was out the door.

In between walking out of my front door and walking in the plastic doors at work, I had transformed into PMS bitch.

I was snappy, and I was emotional, and I was unhelpful, and I was generally nasty. Most people figured it out straight away and stayed away from me, so in about ten minutes not only was I miserable, I was lonely too.

And then there was Lizzie.

She'd taken a later lunch, to help Wayne out for some reason, don't ask me what was going on. That meant she left for lunch about five minutes before I started work. Which went on to mean that I didn't see her until I'd been working nearly an hour. That was probably why I felt so awful, because I didn't have anyone to talk to about anything.

She came across me sobbing in the laundry room. I was crying because I didn't know what was wrong with me, why I was being such a cow. Lizzie came in, saw me crying, and she didn't even bother to find out what was wrong. She just held me.

This is the part where things started to get weird. I just kind of melted into her, crying, but I was starting to calm down. When I was done crying, she was like, "Feel better?" and I kind of nodded. Then she kissed my cheek where a tear was still making its slow way down my face. It felt nice, so I let her do it. Big mistake. The next tear she kissed away was right next to my mouth, so she tentatively brushed her lips against mine.

I'm bad, and I know it. But while part of me was screaming, "This is so wrong!" the other part was hollering "How can anything wrong feel this good?" And I was weak, and I know it. I grabbed her and kissed her desperately, trying to make the awful mood I'd been in go away.

She didn't stop me. She deepened the kiss, and before I knew it her tongue was in my mouth, and then my tongue was in her mouth, and there were hands, hands in new places! No one had ever kissed me like that before… except Brooke.

Brooke. I pulled away, but I didn't say that we shouldn't do it again. I didn't even mention Brooke. I just smiled through the fresh tears that were forming and left the room.

DAY 80 Sunday, 21st April, 2002

I've been in torment all day. I can't tell anyone I made out with Lizzie, because then they'll know I made out with Lizzie. And likewise, I can't ask anyone for advice, because then I'd have to tell the person that I made out with Lizzie. And I don't want to tell people that I made out with Lizzie. That's not on my list of things that I want people to find out.

Brooke and I didn't make love last night, she was too tired and I was too guilty. Not that I told her that. But all I could think about was kissing Lizzie, and how good it had felt, but how much better kissing Brooke was than kissing Lizzie. And I was petrified that I'd screwed things up, because I wanted to help bring up those girls, I wanted that more than anything.

Finally I had to go to work, and that was a disaster. I was completely spacey the whole time, and I screwed up an order more than once. I think Sarah wanted to know what was going on, but I wasn't telling. For once in my life, I kept my mouth shut.

June was the full timer working today. She's so adorable. She's an older lady, and she's been working in the Deli since it opened about nine years ago. She just potters around, doing what has to be done, and she talks to herself. It's really cute, because every now and then something she says is funny, so then she randomly laughs, and you turn around and say, "What's funny, June?" and she doesn't even know she's been laughing. She's great to work with, and I would have enjoyed myself a lot more had I not been so damn guilty.

The other thing that happened at work today was Bill hanging around making puppy dog eyes at me. Like I don't get enough of that from Harrison.

All day at work, while I knew I'd done something wrong, I think my subconscious was trying to rationalize it so I wasn't to blame. But don't worry. I knew I was to blame. If Brooke had been there, I would have collapsed in HER arms, as opposed to Lizzie's. So it wasn't about cheating, it was about comfort, and it was about needing human contact right then and there.

It was stupid, and I wish I'd never done it, but I did, and now I have to face the consequences. The longer I wait while deciding whether or not to tell Brooke, the worse I look when I DO tell her. But I don't know for sure if I should tell her what happened or not. Is it even worth the hassle? By the guilt I'm feeling now, I can guarantee it isn't going to happen again. What about "what she doesn't know, won't hurt her?"

But I can't lie to Brooke. I've never been GOOD at it, and now that were together I just can't. I really need to talk to someone impartial about this.

DAY 81 Monday, 22nd April, 2002

I thought about it for the whole day at school. I bombed out on a Bio quiz, which, by the way, Brooke had helped me study for the night before, and when called on in English I couldn't remember a single thing we'd been studying. Also, I hadn't actually heard the  question.

Lily came and sat with Brooke and me at lunch, and if it hadn't been for Brooke sitting there, I really think I might have told Lily about kissing Lizzie. But she was there, so I didn't say anything, so I felt worse. It was eating away at me for the entire day. I wanted to badly to say something to Brooke, but I just couldn't. Not until I'd heard someone else say that telling her was a good idea.

I walked into work to find only Aimee there, which was fine with me. I like Aimee, I get on well with her, she's nice to talk to but she knows when to shut up.

We started the afternoon's chores: cleaning, cleaning, and more cleaning. First we did the windows, then the benches, then the cupboard doors, you get the picture. Then we had to take the slicers apart and clean THEM, and it was then that Aimee started being my favorite full timer.

"Are you going to tell me what's bothering you?" she asked, in this really gentle, kind voice. It was all I could do not to cry, and I think she saw this on my face, because she shut up and kept cleaning.

Eventually, I couldn't hold it in any longer. I mean I had to tell someone, and she was right there, ready to listen, and she didn't even know Brooke, so there was no chance of it getting back to her. I blurted the whole story out, ending by wailing, "What am I going to DO?"

She looked thoughtful. Then I had to go serve, so she had plenty of time to think because I was serving (BY MYSELF!) for a while. I don't really mind that she didn't come and help me, though. It meant that she got more time to think my problem over.

"Sam, I don't think you should say anything," she said, finally. I looked at her incredulously.

"You think? Is that really good for a relationship, keeping things like that a secret?"

"Well, if it happens again, by all means, tell her. But this was just one minor indiscretion, right? You don't have any intention of doing it again. Do you." It wasn't a question. I recognized the wisdom of her 27 years and kept on cleaning.

DAY 82 Tuesday, 23rd April, 2002

Oh dear. I walked into work to find Lizzie already in the changing room, waiting for me. And, as luck would have it, we were alone. So she came over to me, wrapped her arms around me and kissed me.

I pulled away.

I know now what my mistake on Saturday was. It was not pulling away in the first place. If I was that desperate for human contact I should have either waited to go home to Brooke, or contented myself with a hug. I never should have kissed Lizzie.

So I told her. "Lizzie," I said, "Lizzie, we can't do this. I really am in love with Brooke, and I can't be cheating on her now. Not when she's pregnant. I want to be one of the mothers of her babies, and I can't be with you. I thought you understood that."

"I do," she said. "It's just…"

"Just what?"

"God, Sam, I've never felt this way about anyone before. I think I'm in love with you."

She was almost in tears, and I was in tears.

"How can you lay something like this on me right now? You know what I'm going through at the moment. I thought we were friends. How can you be so insensitive?"

Now she was crying. "I'm sorry," she sniffled. "I just… I didn't know how else to tell you. I'll leave you alone. I don't want to screw things up between you and Brooke."

Way to make me feel like shit. I hugged her, and I told her I was sorry, but at the same time I felt a little better. At least Lizzie and I knew we couldn't kiss again. Now, like Aimee said, the only thing I had left to do was tell Brooke. Because, like it or not, it had happened again, or at least, it had been about to happen again, and so I had to tell.

Both Lizzie and I were strangely subdued for the entire night, much to the surprise of Bill and Genna, Genna was trying to get me to do the Cat Stevens thing, but I was so preoccupied that even "Ralph" didn't get a laugh out of me. More like a weak smile.

I'm going to tell her tomorrow.

DAY 83 Wednesday, 24th April, 2002

When I woke up this morning I had a sinking feeling in my stomach. I knew this was the day I had to tell Brooke about my indiscretion. She woke up next to me, and I was immediately reminded of why I fell in love with her in the first place. She looks like an angel in the morning. She looks like an angel all the time. I'm so in love with her, and I'm about to break her heart. God, this sucks.

We drove to school as usual. The only thing was, I was quiet, and she chattered the whole way, trying to make up for my silence, I guess. She did ask what was wrong, but I just told her I was fine. I wanted to wait until after school.

And that's what I did. I went home with her and set her up lying on the couch with a bottle of lemonade and a pillow behind her back, and I went and cooked her dinner.

Over dinner, I reached over the table and took her hand. "Brooke?" I asked her. "What do you think of Lizzie, as a person?"

"Funny you should ask that, actually," she replied, forking a mouthful into her mouth. "There's something about her I just don't trust. Why do you ask?"

"Brooke, she kissed me on Saturday."

"What?" The tone in Brooke's voice scared me. I'd never heard it before. It was sort of a cross between completely livid and totally heartbroken. It made me want to cry, but I had to stay strong for her.

"She kissed me. And I'd like to say I tried to stop her, but I didn't. Not right away. In the end, though, I pushed her away, and I told her I love you. And it's true. I do love you, only you. I don't love her, Brooke. I'm so sorry."

Tears were streaming down her face at this point, and I couldn't say I blamed her. I felt like to total bitch, because that's what I was.

"Trust me, it's never going to happen again," I tried, but she cut me off.

"You're damn right it's never going to happen again," she ground out, "because I'm not going to let it. You can't cheat on me if we're not together. You can sleep in your own room tonight, thanks, and, uh, tomorrow as well. Until I decide what I want to do."

"Not together? Brooke, baby, I'm sorry. Please don't break up with me, I need you!"

"I can't look at you right now. I'm going to bed."

DAY 84 Thursday, 25th April 2002

This day has to be the worst day I've experienced in a long time. You really don't know what you have till its gone do you? I slept in my own bed last night, and I've never felt a colder, lonelier bed. In the middle on the night I reached out for her and she wasn't there, and I burst into tears.

How could I have done this to her? I feel like this, and I can only imagine how she must feel. I could hear her crying long into the night. I wanted to go in there and comfort her, hold her in my arms and tell her again how sorry I am, and try to make everything all right.

However, I knew it wouldn't help. She needed to be alone right then, and anything I said would probably only make matters worse.

Today was bad, very bad. She wouldn't talk to me over breakfast, and I thought in the car, surely she'd have to talk to me, even if it was just small talk. She completely froze me out, and I almost burst into tears. But I knew I couldn't lay that on her. That would almost be as bad as Lizzie telling me she loves me. Not the right time for something like that.

She wouldn't talk to me in school. She wouldn't sit close to me in Bio. I reached out for her hand under the table but she pulled away. I went to sit with her at lunch but she grabbed her tray and left. God, I hope she ate something because she's eating for three, and I can't have her fudging her eating because of something stupid I did.

I was getting mightily tired of the silent treatment. Oh, I knew I deserved it, but I was aching for her to say something to me, even if it was only to yell at me. Well, I got my wish. No sooner had we got in the car to come home she started yelling, tears streaming down her face.

"God, Sam, how could you do something like that to me? I loved you, still love you, but do I really mean that little to you, that you would go and kiss someone else? Was she worth it? Do you love her? God, it just makes me want to DIE!"

"God, no, Brooke! I don't love Lizzie! At the moment I don't even like her very much! I love you, I always will. You mean more than life to me! And how can you say something like that, you want to die? What about your daughters, Brooke? Do THEY mean nothing to YOU? I don't want to fight anymore. What I did was wrong. I admit that. But I said I'm sorry! Either you forgive me or you don't. I don't know what you want me to say, other than the fact that I'm in love with you."

She wiped her eyes and drove. Not another word was spoken that night. When we got home, she locked herself in her room and cried all night.

DAY 85 Friday, 26th April, 2002

Another night in a cold, empty bed. God, I never realized how much I hate sleeping alone until I started sleeping with Brooke full time. When I woke up, incredibly early, and there was still nobody beside me, I would have given anything to reach out and touch my beautiful angel. I pulled myself out of bed and into the shower, because though it was early, I knew I wouldn't be sleeping anymore this morning.

I couldn't help but cry as I showered. The best thing that had ever happened to me, and I'd screwed it up. I could have a beautiful partner and two beautiful daughters (by default) but no. I had to go and kiss the supermarket floozy. And for the first time, even though I knew I needed the money for Brooke's surprise, I wished I hadn't ever seen that ad in the paper.

Suddenly there was another person in the bathroom with me. I stiffened, for some unknown reason. Who else would it be but Brooke?

"Brooke?" I asked from behind the safety of the shower curtain. She took a step closer, and I could see that yes, indeed, it was her. She took another step closer, and actually hopped into the shower with me.

"Look, Sam, I'm not saying I forgive you for what you did. I'm just… I'm just saying I need you, okay? I can't do this by myself." She indicated her stomach. I bent over and kissed it, showing I agreed with whatever she said. "Come back to our bed," she pleaded. "Let's try again. I really do need you."

She leaned in and kissed me tentatively. I kissed back, and as with all our other kisses, this one seemed to grow until our arousal was increasingly apparent. Yes, I know one day was an extremely short time to fight over cheating, but I'm just grateful for the way things turned out.

"Don't ever do that to me again," she whispered, leaning her forehead against mine.

"I won't, I promise," I murmured back.

Today was much better than yesterday. We more than made up for lost touches. We got a few quizzical looks, having gone from not speaking to being back in love in the space of 24 hours, but we ignored them. It wasn't anybody's business but ours.

The name game is back on with a vengeance and Brooke has narrowed it down significantly. She wants to name one of the babies Isabella. I like the name Anna Maria, but I'm still not entirely sure. They'll be Anna and Izzy… although Brooke hates the idea of shortening Isabella to Izzy. She says it'll be Isa or she's not using the name!

DAY 86 Saturday, 27th April, 2002

I started work at two today safe and secure in the knowledge that I have a beautiful girlfriend who loves me again, and would never do anything to hurt me. I spent most of the first couple of hours running through names in my head. Now that I knew the twins were both girls, it made my job considerably easier.

At four on the dot she walked in, my angel. Only she looked less angelic and more… pissed off. She stalked up to me, and kissed me quickly before looking around and saying, "Where is she?"

By "she" she obviously meant Lizzie. And Lizzie was in the next aisle over. Brooke made a beeline for her and I heard heated conversation, then I heard Lizzie suggesting they take it out the back where the customers wouldn't have to hear. Curious, I followed.

"You skanky bitch!" Brooke all but screamed, as soon as we were out of earshot of the customers. "Sam is mine, all mine, and it's always going to be that way! What made you think you could have her?"

Lizzie was taken aback but recovered quickly. "Maybe because you're so pregnant, you're obviously not giving her what she needs! Why else would she be upstairs bawling her eyes out? I was comforting her!"

It was here I felt the need to step in. I explained what I've already written here, about the inexplicable bad mood, and both of them turned to look at me. I hurriedly went to back Brooke up.

"Brooke does so give me what I need, what I want," I acknowledged. "More than I need. She's everything to me. I don't understand why the two of you are fighting over something like this, when it's clear I'm with Brooke and I don't want that to change."

Lizzie went out the front again, tired of the conversation. It can't have been easy on her. Then again, it had hardly been easy on Brooke, who looked like she was fighting back tears. I gave her a hug. "You okay?"

"Yeah," she replied. "I just needed to vent, you know?"

I knew. Boy, did I know. So the end result of all this is, Brooke won't speak to Lizzie but she hasn't forbidden me to. Not that she would, she's way more reasonable than that. I just won't go out of my way to talk to Lizzie anyhow. I wouldn't know what to say to her. I don't even want to think about her, thinking of her reminds me of lonely nights in a cold bed, and I don't want to think about that. I'm going to think about names instead. What about Carolina? Pronounced the Spanish way of course!

DAY 87 Sunday, 28th April, 2002

Brooke promised to come and have lunch with me today. We set the time as 4.30. I was waiting for that hour with baited breath. Jen had to snap me out of my trance a couple of times, that's how bad I was!

I've been talking about the name thing with Charlotte and Jen. Charlotte is totally against the Spanish thing, she thinks it sounds outdated. I disagree, and so does Jen. I love Spanish sounding names. How about Andrea?

Lunch with Brooke was great. We had a picnic in the staff room and fed each other morsels of food when there wasn't anyone around. It was just like the mini golf thing last month!

The craziest thing happened today. You kind of had to be here to get it. I'll try to explain it, though. See, we sell this Sesame Street yogurt for babies. We don't sell very much of it, though, so we don't ORDER much of it. This guy comes in every Sunday asking for it, and we try to have it here for him, but he has a habit of coming late in the day, and more often than not it's all gone by the time he gets here.

So he comes in today, and Charlotte's out front. He asks her if we've got any Sesame Street yogurt. She checks, there isn't any. He goes NUTS. He starts complaining that the last three times he's been here, there hasn't been any, and he's really sick of it, and why can't she go and get him some? Charlotte is incredibly over tired, and she tries to explain to the guy that she's only a part timer, she's not the one who does the ordering, and at quarter past six on a Sunday night when we close at seven, she can't do anything anyway, but the guy isn't having any of it, and he storms off, muttering that he's going to complain to management. Let him, I say. There truly is nothing we could have done, and there's nothing management can do either.

Charlotte stumbles back into the Deli, tears streaming down her face because she's had a long day and this guy has been the last straw. She sobs brokenly, she's just so tired, and I give her a hug and think "All this for Sesame Street yogurt? Such is the world we live in."

Charlotte recovered fairly quickly, and we closed up in subdued silence. I happened to mention Bill and what he'd said to me, and she warned me away from him. He doesn't just talk dodgy, he acts dodgy and apparently he's tried to sleaze onto most of the girls in the Deli at one time or another. All of them bar one have turned him down. The one girl who said yes to him has now left. I feel so sorry for poor Sera. Her fiancé is a man ho. I can't understand why she stays with him when he cheats on her so much, and Charlotte says Sera knows about everything, as well.

It's a sick sad world.

DAY 88 Monday, 29th April, 2002

Brooke felt really bloated today. I can't blame her, really. I took a look at her stomach last night, and she's getting rather large. It's so cute, though. I think being pregnant really suits her. It's really given her that glow you always hear about. Then again, she'd be beautiful to me no matter what.

Back in the Deli again tonight, and for the first time in a long time I had a really good laugh. We were quite bored, so on her break Caroline bought a king sized block of chocolate. She broke it into small, bite sized pieces, but left it in the wrapper, and when she came back downstairs we hid it in the drawer by the sink, so every now and then we'd go over to the sink and sneak a piece. It worked out well, because by using that particular drawer we could say we were going for Band-Aids, and we also had our back to the customers.

It got so that we were like "I, uh, need another Band-Aid," and we'd run to the drawer and stuff our faces. You kind of had to be there, once again, but we were in hysterics by the time the chocolate ran out, and by that time we were hopped up on sugar anyway.

That was when started to make fun of the milkman. He comes in every day to deliver the milk, and while he's here he checks the milk chiller and fills the shelves. He's kind of short and podgy, and he kind of reminds you of an Oompa-Loompa. That's terrible, I know, but what with the sugar it was the funniest thing any of us had ever heard, and every time he walked through we'd do the little "bob up and down" dance that Oompa-Loompas do. It was hilarious, even though I felt a tiny bit bad. But I knew we didn't mean it maliciously, so it was okay.

I was exhausted by the time work was done, especially since it was Monday had we had all the extra cleaning to do. I stumbled out of the car and into the house to find that Brooke had ushered the parentals out of the house and prepared a candlelit dinner for two, me being one of the two.

I sat and I ate.

After dinner we watched a movie on the couch, and since I could see she'd gone to so much trouble, I struggled against my exhaustion and kept my eyes open. The movie was good, I guess. It would have been better if I'd been able to follow it, but Brooke tracing patterns on my chest with her fingernails distracted me.

Later, she realized just how tired I was, and she led me up to bed and lay me down, stroking my hair as my eyelids got heavier and heavier. I guess I fell asleep in her arms. I don't know how long she was awake after I was asleep but eventually she must have fallen asleep as well.

DAY 89 Tuesday, 30th April, 2002

I woke up this morning to the sound of crying. I looked at Brooke in alarm. What was wrong? But to my confusion, though tears were streaming down her face, she was smiling.

"What's up, baby?" I asked her.

"They kicked," she whispered, awestruck. "I felt them kick!"

"Ohmigod! Let me feel!" I exclaimed, placing my hand on her belly. I didn't feel anything, though. After a minute or so, she jumped slightly.

"There they go again," she said. "Did you feel it?"

"No," I had to admit. "Are you sure that's what you're feeling? Maybe you've just got gas or something."

"No, I'm fairly sure that's what I'm feeling," she said in confusion. "I think I'm going to go ask your Mom."

She slipped out of bed and I followed. We padded down the hallway hand in hand, and knocked on the door of our parents' room.

"Come in," Mom's slightly sleepy voice answered.

Mike had already left for work so we climbed onto the bed. "Jane," Brooke began. "You were pregnant with Sammy, and with Mac. When did they start kicking?"

"Not very long after I found out," she replied. "Why? The twins kicking already?"

"I don't know," Brooke said. "I can feel something, but Sammy can't. What do you think?"

Mom laid a hand on Brooke's stomach and waited for a while. Brooke jumped again; indicating that one of the girls had kicked her. Mom smiled knowingly.

"I get it. You can feel it, but it's only little flutters, right? They're not big enough for us to feel yet. You can only feel them cos you're carrying them. You're their mommy."

Though I was disappointed, I could see how happy that statement made Brooke. It's like it really hit home, she was going to be a mommy twice over. I was happy for her, but I wished I could feel them kick too. I felt kind of left out, because Brooke and Mom had felt their babies kick them, and I'd never been pregnant so I had nothing to share with them. Brooke leaned over and kissed me.

"Just think, in about five months you can help me be a mommy," she giggled. I grinned at her.

"Come on, we're going to be late for school!" I shrieked. I grabbed her hand and we ran to get ready, laughing and giggling about anything and everything. It was sheer excitement.

The last thing we said before we got out of the car to go into school was that we weren't going to tell Lily and Carmen that Brooke could feel the babies yet. They wouldn't understand why they couldn't feel as well. We'd wait until I could feel them.