February 02

Title: I'd Rather Be In Love (With You)

February 02

AUTHOR: Majandra

RATING: PG through PG-15

PAIRING: Brooke/Sam eventually

DISCLAIMER: Ha! Me, own any of this? I should be so lucky.

DAY 1 Friday, 1st February, 2002

Days like today ought to be outlawed. I have had, without a doubt, the worst day of my life, and the Princess isn't helping any. Does she have to be so everlastingly chirpy? I swear...

It all began when I woke up, stood up, and fell down, in that order. Turns out standing up fast isn't a good idea, even when you've slept through your alarm and have exactly twenty minutes to do everything and be at school.

When I dragged my sorry carcass in to the bathroom Brooke was up, showered and dressed, and putting her make up on. By the looks of the clothes scattered around the bathroom, she'd obviously been up long enough to go for a run. I mean, God! She's so... perky! And it's irritating!

School sucked, to the baddest. She sat next to me in Bio, so of course next to Kennedy High's golden girl I could do nothing right. Even when I ventured to raise my hand I was wrong and she was a veritable fountain of knowledge, spurting answers forth like there wasn't going to be a tomorrow.

About lunch, that time of the month hit me with a vengeance and I was doubled over with the cramps from hell. Somehow, however, I managed to hobble to the cafeteria and I put on a brave face. I couldn't let the Princess think that I can't hack the pace – she's probably never had a period pain in her life.

I ended the day with an overdue article for the paper. It had really crept up on me, but I stayed after school and by the 4.30 deadline it was finished. No ride home, so even though my legs were still shaking from the cramp I walked home and as I walked in the door and threw myself on the sofa, she walked in, cheerful as you please, after having apparently gone for ANOTHER run. Much as I detest her and all she stands for, you have to admire her dedication to her exercise. No wonder she's in such great shape. Hey, I jog... when I'm not feeling like this.

God, I'm really in a state of hating her, especially after dinner. She was just so damn chirpy in front of Mom and Mike, but even though I tried my best I just felt nauseated from the cramp. So I crawled up to bed but on my way up the stairs I heard Mom apologizing for me! "I don't know what's got into her," she murmured. Argh.

I was trying to fall asleep and couldn't, because I needed a hot water bottle. I really hate feeling this way but hey, what can you do, right? So at about eleven I gave up on trying to sleep and crept downstairs, knowing everyone else was asleep, and hunted for the hot water bottle. After filling it up I headed back upstairs and I looked in on her on my way past her room. She looked totally peaceful, in no pain whatsoever.

Damn crappy Brooke McQueen.

~~~~~~

DAY 2 Saturday, 2nd February,

Hmm. Just reading over what I wrote yesterday and I am not a very nice person (or very easy to be with) when I've got my period, am I? Thankfully, I'm sane again so I can be objective again.

Saturdays are so good. After the day I had yesterday I wasn't really up for school so I was lucky yesterday was a Friday! I got up early for once and joined Brooke for a run. We talked. Even though I still think she's pretty vacuous, at least I can see she's not some sort of harbinger of doom. She's actually pretty funny – even if she is irritatingly perfect. I got the feeling she was slacking off her pace so I could keep up. Well, I was still recovering from the horror that was yesterday, that's my excuse!

When we got home she ran upstairs and snagged our bathroom, the bitch. I should have known she couldn't drop her HOD (Harbinger Of Doom) facade for long. I walked into the kitchen and practically tore the top off of a bottle of water, and sat there fuming. As soon as she skipped merrily down the stairs to the kitchen to join me, I fumed harder. Here she was, all perky and smelling like... fruit and cream... while I smelt like a foot and looked like something the cat brought in. It was a little off pissing, to be brutally honest but in keeping with my newly returned sanity, I merely smiled through my teeth and headed for the shower.

Shower did me good and, feeling human again, I rejoined the world of the living. Brooke was sprawled on the sofa flipping channels and nibbling from a bag of chips. I would have joined her but I was still irrationally angry at her for being so damn perfect.

I spent most of the rest of Saturday relaxing in my room. I actually redid all my posters which I've been meaning to do for a while but haven't got around to doing yet. I called Harrison, chatted to him for awhile. About an hour after I got off the phone with him, I called Lily to see what she had to say for herself.

About 8.30 I heard the phone ring but Brooke picked it up. Ten minutes later she bounced up to my room and cheerfully informed me she was going to a party with Nicole.

She does that a lot. Going to parties with Nicole, I mean. The thing is, though, I hate it when she does because she always comes home slightly angry. I know, I know, perfect Brooke McQueen being angry? I was shocked and amazed the first time, but it's beginning to become commonplace. It's Nicole that does that to her, makes her angry, I mean. Maybe it's because Brooke really is perfect and she can't stand they way Nicole puts people down or whatever. Anyway she came home about eleven (she doesn't really stay out that late, ever) and went straight to bed without even talking to the parentals.

I don't hate her but I don't like her very much either. Anybody who is that perfect...

I'm not even going to finish that thought.

~~~~~~

DAY 3 Sunday, 3rd February, 2002

Bit of a turn up for the books, actually. Brooke was kind, thoughtful and friendly today.

We ran together again and we talked. Instead of talking about stupid airhead crap she asked me to talk about myself. Not directly, of course! But the questions she asked me led to me talking a lot and she actually seemed interested in what I had to say.

The best part is yet to come. As we walked in the door, I could feel my brow furrowing, thinking she would snag the shower first again. How surprised was I when she (sweetly) she asked me if I wanted the shower first! And she smiled at me, a genuine smile that all but forced me to smile back. God help me, I think I'm letting the innate charm of Brooke McQueen get to me. We sat and watched some TV together, much to my surprise, and later we even did a little homework together. Not that I was complaining! I'm just a little too used to fighting with her, so spending quality time with her is just a little surreal.

We kind of talked about the party last night and she confided in me, which was weird. Turns out I was right, Nicole did say something, and Brooke ended up storming out. And the weirdest part? Brooke was obviously reluctant to share this part, but Nicole was saying stuff about me. Not that I care, I can stick up for myself, but Brooke stormed out of there because Nicole was making fun of me.

You have to feel a sort of grudging admiration for her. How many people do you know who would have someone fight with them for months, then turn around and defend the person they've been fighting with? I've changed my mind, she's not perfect. She's just close to it.

When I think about it, though, I wonder. Why do we do that? Why do we fight so much? I think it's mostly my fault, really, because she really doesn't seem to have an antagonistic bone in her body. It must just be me that brings out that side of her. Me, and Nicole, that is! Given half a chance, when there aren't any outside influences, we CAN get along. We can. And, if we were given time, we could even get to be really good friends, couldn't we?

She's not a bad person. She's not an evil harpy, or a harbinger of doom. She's just a girl trying to get by with what she has. And when I think about it like that I feel really bad for all the horrible stuff I've said and done over the past six months or so. It was totally uncalled for. I'm gonna start trying to be nicer to Brooke.

We sort of separated to do our own thing for a while, but when I crawled back out of my room after getting changed for bed I found her on the couch. She was watching a movie in her pjs and she was laughing at the movie, really laughing. I joined her. The greatest thing about lately, just this weekend, really, is that with just a little bit of human interaction we've come so far already. I can't believe the Brooke sharing the couch with me, laughing at Robin Williams is the same Brooke I hated with a vengeance on Friday.

I don't hate her. I kinda like her. She's all right

~~~~~~

DAY 4 Monday, 4th February, 2002

Amazingly, I was up first and she was still asleep when I got out of the shower. I sneaked a peek at her before I headed for my room and oh, my God! She is just so adorable when she's sleeping, so peaceful and she looks like an angel.

Actually, I kind of got a warm fuzzy when I looked at her. I was surprised but I didn't worry. I put it down to sisterly love finally being forged between us.

I would have left it at that but school was surreal. It seemed like every time I looked up she was there, and she was doing something cute and/or adorable. So I was getting these random warm fuzzies all over the place. I'm not a warm fuzzy person, as a general rule. Any of my friends can tell you that! It takes a fair bit for me to feel warm and fuzzy and I haven't quite a while, but somehow she was making me – a lot.

I think the moment I realized I liked her, really liked her as a person, was at lunch. Nothing was different but everything had changed, so to speak. I mean, I was still at my table with my friends, and she at hers with hers. Sometime during the idiotic banter and the sporadic fits of eating I looked up and saw her, and I got the biggest warm fuzzy of all knowing I was the one who got to go home to her and really talk to her, one on one. I mean, how many of these other people could say that?

There's a window above the table she sits at... not exactly above but in the right position so that when it's lunch time, the sun is always shining on the seat she always sits in. It bounces off her hair and gives her a halo effect. She looks like an angel... Oh my God, I'm spouting bad poetry about my soon to be step sister.

You know what? I don't care. I think it's now my job to sing her praises, so to speak, because she's going to be my sister, and I like her. So I can say out loud that I think Josh Ford is an imbecile for letting her go – she's going to be my sister. And I can say that no other guy in this school is good enough for her – she's going to be my sister.

Anyway, once again in Bio we had to sit together. Did I mention the alphabet? McPherson is always next to McQueen, no matter what you do. I used to hate that, but now... now I don't mind as much. She's not as bad as people would have you believe.

Speaking of people having you believe things, if you listen to Lily, you'd believe that Mary Cherry is the antichrist. I mean, the way she talks about that whacked out Texan, it's like she's almost afraid of her. I know Lily hates her because she wears fur, and she eats meat (with much exaggerated smacking of her lips and looks in Lily's direction) but I wouldn't go so far as to say she's the antichrist. Nicole, on the other hand...

But this is a diary about my feelings, not Lily's. So I'll tell you how the day finished.

With me not hating Brooke McQueen.

~~~~~~

DAY 5 Tuesday, 5th February, 2002

How could I have been so STUPID?!?! I can't believe I only just figured it out. I mean, the warm fuzzies yesterday should have tipped me off... Usually I'm a lot more intelligent than this, can read these things a lot better. The point is, today I came to realize I don't like Brooke McQueen as a person – I'm in love with her!

Panic was the first thing that sprung to mind, and panic I did. Thankfully Lily was on hand to talk to. We talked and talked, and even though she now knows I'm in love with Brooke I feel safer, you know? And now I can stop lying to myself and write what I really think of her. She's an angel, she really is, She's just beautiful, and lovely, and kind, and nice, and I think I've been in love with her for longer than I'd care to admit.

Anyway now I'm seeing her in a completely different light. I'm sure I was sending goo goo eye vibes her way. Nicole gave me a couple of dirty looks – maybe she likes Brooke as well!

Lily said I shouldn't say anything to Brooke but given my journalist's sense of truth I doubt it will be long before I say something. There are so many questions in my head. Am I gay? Do I want to be gay? Do I even care? And what's going to happen to me now?

Got home and saw her there, she was fixing herself a snack of God knows what. I decided to take the first step and be nice. I walked over to her and smiled, and struck up a conversation. I can't even remember what I talked about but I started to panic again. I mean, I'm in love with the most popular girl in school! How am I supposed to get away with that? My luck is not that good. I'm going to get found out and then I'm going to get exposed, and...

Whoa. I ran upstairs and called Lily, and she calmed me down. I really have to get a grip on the whole "I love Brooke" situation cos, like Lily warned me, if I act all wiggy she's going to figure out something's going on.

When I went back downstairs she was gone, she'd left a note saying she'd gone to see Nicole. I broke out in a sweat, wondering if Nicole had figured it out before I had and was, even as I read the note, telling Brooke? I couldn't think about that, it would give me a heart attack. So I merely walked into the living room and threw myself on the sofa, flipping the TV on.

Mom and Mike cruised in around eleven but Brooke still wasn't home, she got back about half eleven, quarter to twelve. The parentals were livid, because although Nicole hadn't managed to get Brooke completely trashed, she was tipsy and pretty darn happy. Guess who got saddled with the task of getting her to bed?

I didn't want to look while she got changed but it's not like she would have noticed so I watched her until she got to her underwear. It's true. Brooke McQueen is, apparently, perfect. As soon as her head hit the pillow she was asleep so I went back to my own room. Sleep was a long time in coming.

~~~~~~

DAY 6 Wednesday, 6th February, 2002

Probably the first day in history when Brooke and I have both been up early. We ran together then I offered her the shower first – nothing nice about it, it was purely selfish. I wanted to think about naked Brooke in the shower.

Lily was waiting for us when we got to school and she pulled me aside, she wanted to know if I'd told her yet. I said no, of course not! Lily should really credit me with a bit more common sense, I'm not THAT stupid.

Lily and I were still chatting as we walked into Bio so she wrote me a note. I was panicking because I thought Brooke might read it over my shoulder but she was engrossed in the latest Cosmo under the desk so she was oblivious. Lily wanted to know how I knew I was in love with her. I honestly wasn't sure how to answer that. But I wrote back anyway...

She wrote back and I could feel the... I don't even know, sentimentality? The kind of "aw, how romantic" sort of feeling... it was rolling off her note in waves.

I begged to differ. Given that she's friends with Nicole, sooner or later my feelings would be plastered all over the school in poster form.

When I got home I read over the note again. Brooke walked in while I reading, she was all, "whatcha got?" I just said, nothing, but as we made supper together I couldn't stop looking at her. Maybe I should tell her? I wonder how she'd react?

I wanted to sort of broach the subject, you know? Sort of subtly ask her what she thinks of lesbians in general, nothing too specific, just generally, see what she said. If she was all "ew, gross" I'd know I could never tell her, right? And if she was like "I think it's a cool idea" or something, I could tell her and see if she wanted to try something. But either way, I'm still not in the know about it cos I chickened out, and ended up going to my room after we did the dishes. Together. She washed and I dried, and she made really funny conversation and jokes the whole time. I would have really enjoyed it if I wasn't so wiggy about letting her know about my feelings for her.

I went to bed still thinking about it. Even though there IS a chance she won't react badly, I still... I don't know. I don't think I'll tell her. This new found friendship we seem to have, I like it, and I wouldn't want to jeopardize it for anything trivial. My feelings are just going to have to sit on the back burner for a while.

~~~~~~

DAY 7 Thursday, 7th February, 2002

Usually I don't notice what other people are wearing. It's because I don't usually care. Point is, today I did. She was up and dressed before I was even awake. I can imagine how insanely attractive I must have looked when I came into the bathroom. Tank top and pajama pants, I stood there with my hair a fright and rubbing the sleep out of my eyes. As soon as my eyes could focus, they focused on her. She was wearing a tiny little mini kilt type skirt that came to not quite mid thigh, with knee high boots and a one shoulder top. Her skirt was dark denim and her top was white, almost see through, and my jaw dropped. I hadn't realized quite how cold it must have been in that bathroom…

She greeted me cheerfully, as per usual these days, and continued putting on her make up. Grabbing my toothbrush I took a really good look at her. She stopped what she was doing. "What are you looking at?" she asked. It wasn't confrontational, just kind of confused. I shrugged.

"Just trying to figure out what makes you think you need to wear all that goop, Princess," I replied casually. For some reason she took a good long look at herself in the mirror and turned back to me.

"You think I could get away with not putting it on?" she asked me, doubtfully. I just nodded.

So I walked to school, thinking if I wasn't going to run I should at least get some sort of exercise. I got there just as the warning bell was ringing, giving me enough time to go to my locker and dash to class. Exercise accomplished. Lily immediately sent me a note.

<What is she WEARING?> it said. Lily isn't always as tactful as people make her out to be. Without bothering to write my reply, I swiveled in my chair to see her. Her face was priceless, it was a mixture of awe and disgust, both at Brooke's outfit. Seeing I had her attention, I gave her a big grin and a thumbs up, hoping she got the message that if anyone was complaining about Brooke's choice of clothing, it certainly wasn't me.

Brooke walked in about two seconds before the Claw called us to attention (?) so I spent the rest of my time busily studying her legs under our table. She has really nice legs. And she'd gone without the make up, surprisingly. At one point I think she caught me looking, cos she poked me in the ribs, and when I looked up the Claw was waiting for an answer. Brooke pointed frantically at a word on her page, so I read out "Photosynthesis" and the dread beast seemed pacified. Thank God.

I would have gone back to checking out her legs, and also her rack in that outfit (I've gotten so bad) but she passed me a note.

<Take a picture, it'll last longer> the note read. <Cease and desist!> I snuck a look at her face and she was grinning at me.

Red faced, I ceased and desisted.

~~~~~~

DAY 8 Friday, 8th February, 2002

Well, the Claw certainly has torture down to a fine art. Given my feelings for a certain blonde Princess, do you really think I want to be forced to spend time with her? No! I'm going to give myself away if I don't watch myself! But that's the problem. Claw handed out some random Bio assignment today, and we weren't given a choice about who our partners were. I got Brooke, because she sits next to me. Oh, joy.

So we looked at each other, and, God help me, she actually seemed excited to be working with me. It wasn't even that tough an assignment, I could have taken it to the newspaper office and done it myself in an hour, but the Claw has always been big on partners for stuff like this. It was due on Monday, which only gave us the weekend to work on it, but the best part is still to come… the Claw came to our table personally to tell us that since we live together, it shouldn't be a problem… Grrr. Like I needed to be reminded at that point in time.

She gave me a lift home (Brooke, not the Claw!) and we kind of exploded in the door, throwing our stuff on the table and swarming through the kitchen. Snacks were fixed, devoured, and our attention turned to homework… fortunately for me, not homework having anything to do with Bio. I was definitely going to have to gather my thoughts (and my self control, or what remained of it) to do that homework.

At one point during the evening, Brooke turned to me and looked at me kind of seriously, and I honestly couldn't tell what she was thinking. Didn't matter, though, cos she opened her mouth and her lovely voice spilled out. I was concentrating so much on her voice that I wasn't listening to the words, and that was unfortunate because she ended up waving her hand in front of my face, saying "Sam? Sam? Are you there, Sam?" and laughing. When she repeated herself, it turned out she was inviting me to avoid the assignment with her, by way of a trip to the mall and lunch the next day.

Normally I'd hate going to the mall, I'm not much of a shopping person, but I found myself unable to say no to her. It's debilitating, I know, but this love for her isn't something I want to change. I had some extra money anyway, so shopping instead of homework was definitely something I was up for.

Even after everything that had happened in the last couple of days, I went to bed with a smile on my face. We're really starting to break through the crap that was making us fight, and I really feel like we're friends now. Why else would she invite me to go shopping, right? She could have done any number of things to get out of the work tomorrow, and none of them had to involve me.

I was upstairs before her, so even as I lay down and began to think about her (something I was starting to do more and more often) I could hear her coming up the stairs. She doesn't make a lot of noise, but she kind of glides up them. You could imagine her floating, not quite touching the ground. Like she could be an angel among us, or something. It wouldn't surprise me.

~~~~~~

DAY 9 Saturday, 9th February, 2002

There was a strange sort of anticipation running through my veins when I woke up. It was almost as if I knew something good was going to happen, and then I remembered that Brooke and I were going shopping!

So I got up, and instead of heading for the bathroom, I went into her room and found her still sleeping. We've both got really nice double beds, big enough for both of us should the mood strike us (I think that could have been wishful thinking on the part of our parentals, wanting us to have sleepovers) so I crawled onto her bed carefully, on the part where she wasn't sprawled out. This was a mission and a half, cos when Brooke sleeps, she spreads out and takes up all the available room! But when I was fully on the bed, I started bouncing up and down like a little kid. Fortunately, Brooke's perfect, so she woke with a smile on her face. "Wake up, Brookie!" I crowed, playing my role to the hilt. She cracked up laughing, and sat up and started bouncing with me, playing along. She's so cute when she's acting all stupid!

"Let's go shopping!" she shrieked, jumping off the bed and racing for the bathroom, and I raced after her. I waited while she showered, and then she waited while I did, then we picked out clothes. I let her choose clothes that were hers, but she thought would look good on me, cos she said she'd been wanting to do that for ages. She said I could choose what she wore, and briefly I thought of the outfit she wore on Thursday. Then I shook my head to clear it and pointed to a little summer dress in a shade of blue that made her eyes look even more gorgeous.

We gave the phrase "shop till you drop" a whole new meaning that day. I've never seen anyone make a hundred dollars go as far as she did. When we finally collapsed at a table at the food court, it was all we could do to order burgers and fries. Yes, you read that right, burgers and fries! She said, after all the shopping we'd done, we couldn't possibly subsist on rabbit food. God I love her!

We headed home about four in the afternoon. During the ride, we talked and laughed, and we joked, and at one point she had to pull over to the side of the road cos we were both laughing so hard it was impairing her driving. She's incredibly beautiful, yes, but I don't think words can describe her when she's laughing. She's breathtaking. I couldn't help myself, even though she was begging for mercy I told her every joke I knew, just to watch her laugh.

We were home by half past four, and we collapsed on the couch still laughing. I couldn't resist, I reached over and tickled her, just to see what she'd do. She laughed, hard, but she didn't try to get away from me and she certainly didn't tell me to stop, so I tickled her again and before I knew it we were in a full on tickle war, shrieking with laughter, rolling off the couch, and all over the living room. That's how the parentals found us when they walked in the door, and they seemed really happy that we were getting along.

I watched Brooke for the rest of the night. She had a stupid grin plastered on her face the whole time. I have to admit, I did too.

~~~~~~

DAY 10 Sunday, 10th February, 2002

After yesterday, I wasn't looking forward to today because of the impending doom: the assignment the Claw had given us. It had been okay spending time with her yesterday, because to begin with we were in a mall full of people, and by the time we were alone we were in too silly a mood for me to get all lusty and wrong feelings.

We got up and showered, then we rendezvoused in her room. She sat Indian style on her bed, and patted the space next to her for me. Gingerly, I sat next to her and waited for instructions.

The assignment itself was, as I mentioned, fairly easy. We hit the books and with the two of working, it should have taken an hour, tops. Funny how that wasn't what happened!

She started it, I swear. We were working in silence and she looked up at me. "Merk," she said, completely wrecking the mood. It was one of those things, a completely nonsense noise that isn't really funny, but cracks you up anyway. So we cracked up. And that would have been okay, once we calmed down. But she wouldn't stop doing it. I had actual tears running down my cheeks by the time we finally gave up and went for snacks. We made sandwiches and ate them down in the kitchen, and then we grabbed bags of potato chips and took them back upstairs.

Twenty minutes later, surrounded by crumbs, books and papers, I discovered Brooke had added another word to her nonsense vocabulary. "Mawak," she croaked. And I was gone again. I howled for a good five minutes, straight, and then just as I was calming down she started to tickle me, I guess as payback for yesterday.

About two in the afternoon, four hours after we had started trying to do the homework, we got down to serious work. As predicted, it took less than an hour. At three we packed everything up and congratulated ourselves on a job well done, and headed down to the video store to rent a DVD.

Scary Movie, though old, was perfect for the mood we were still in. At the part where the black news announcer says "White folks are dead, we getting the fuck out of here!" we cracked up, and when Cindy Campbell does the Matrix style Irish jig in mid air, we howled. We were actually holding our sides, and later, each other, in hysterical laughter. I swear, she's like the most fun person I've ever met. I don't think I've ever had as much fun with Carmen and Lily as I had with Brooke this weekend.

Anyway, the crazy thing is, just as we were heading up for bed, she must have decided she was having too much fun for me to leave now, or something. She gave me this adorable little half smile, and said, "Sleep over?

How could I resist? I slept over, and we must have talked until, like, two in the morning. If you asked me, I honestly couldn't have told you anything we talked about, but it wasn't what we were talking about, it was more that we were there, and we were finally friends.

~~~~~~

DAY 11 Monday, 11th February, 2002

We had Bio first, and we handed the finished assignment in to the Claw with much gusto. I think, on some level, the Claw was disappointed to see it, meaning it was disappointed Brooke and I weren't fighting anymore and it had nothing further to torment us with. Brooke and I, however, hadn't completely recovered from the weekend. We kept shooting each other little looks, and every now and then one or another of us would remember something funny ("Merk!" "Mawak!") and we'd burst into giggles. I know for sure we were getting some strange looks, especially from Satan, but for once Brooke didn't seem to care what Nicole Julian thought. I would have congratulated her, but I didn't want to upset her.

I remember today really well, because of Brooke's outfit. It wasn't anything like last Thursday, although that day will live in infamy. She was wearing jeans and a tank top, but what made it extraordinary was (apart from the jeans being skin tight and fully drool-worthy) was the top she was wearing... it was mine. She came into my room at the crack of dawn, and asked me if she could borrow my top. I said yes, of course, like I could ever say anything else to her. But I was just so amazed. For the entire day I shot little looks at her, seeing how good she looked in my top.

I think, though, the best part was when Nicole, Satan herself, came up to Brooke and said, no shit, "I love your top, Brookie. Where'd you get it?" and Brooke replied, get this, "Actually, I got it out of Sam's wardrobe." Nicole was speechless, and I cracked up. Brooke grabbed my hand and we ran, laughing the whole way.

She came and sat with us at lunch. It was a nice thought, given the weekend we shared, but only she and I thought so. Nicole and Mary Cherry were staring daggers at us, like we were going to give their Princess some disease, and Carmen and Lily looked too scared to move, for fear of the wrath of the afore mentioned blondes. Finally, though, Brooke had to go touch base with her... friends... and Lily pulled me unceremoniously into the Novak.

"Where the hell were you this weekend? I called like six times on Saturday, and your mother said you were out. And then on Sunday, there wasn't even any answer!!"

"Relax, Lily. Brooke and I went shopping on Saturday, and we did the assignment on Sunday. It s okay."

"You two are acting funny. You didn't... oh my God! You told her, didn't you?! And she feels the same way, doesn't she?! Oh, I am so happy for you!" She grabbed me in a big bear hug before I could say anything, and she was in the process of squeezing the life out of me when I croaked "that's not what happened" and she let me go with a thud.

"Then what?"

I told her everything. She listened, open-mouthed. When I got to the part about sleeping in Brooke's bed, she squealed out loud. It was a good day all round.

~~~~~~

DAY 12 Tuesday, 12th February, 2002

Brooke came into my room early and woke me up the same way I woke her on Saturday morning. It's, uh, a tribute to her that she didn't get pissed off at me. It was tempting to get angry, but she's just so darn cute, especially when she's jumping on my bed at six in the morning.

"Two days until Valentines Day! Let's go shopping after school!" she shrieked. Of course I said yes because I couldn't have said anything else. School should have flown by, but it dragged. I wanted so badly for it to be over so we could go shopping, but of course, Murphy s Law, it went as slow as it could.

Finally, finally, it was all over. The final bell rang and Brooke and I shoved our stuff into our bags and ran for the car.

I don't remember where we went exactly, all I remember is she didn't feel like going to the mall. And I remember, crystal clear, going into a jeweler and buying her a bracelet. She disappeared for about ten minutes, but just as I was starting to worry she came around a corner and linked her arm in mine, suggesting we go out for dinner instead of going home.

We ate in the nicest restaurant I've ever been in, it was beautiful and the food was great. The company wasn't bad, either! The entire time, all I could think of was the bracelet, and whether or not I'd have the guts to give it to her on Thursday.

Now that we're friends, she seems to want to have fun all the time, and that's great. I love it, I've never had a friend like her and I don't think I ever want to lose that. I think Lily's right, and I shouldn't tell her, purely because I don t want to lose this overnight closeness we've found.

Tuesday night sparked the start of something new, though. Although we had the same amount of fun we'd had the past few days, halfway through the main course she calmed down and we had a legitimate serious conversation. We talked about love, and loss, and her feelings about Josh. She genuinely liked him, you know? She really liked him, but she said tonight she doesn't think it was ever love, and that's why she regrets sleeping with him so much.

I talked about my brief relationship with George, but I didn't tell her the real reason it broke up. Ha. Actually, at the time, I didn't even know the real reason I was breaking up with him. I had a vague feeling that something was missing, something wasn't right, and in the wake of all this Brooke-mania that suddenly seems to have settled on me, I can see what it was that was missing. I didn't want George, I wanted her all along.

I can do serious if serious is what she wants to do. I quite like it, actually. Not that silly wasn't fun, but this is… nice. Like we're real friends. How often am I going to say THAT this month?!

~~~~~~

DAY 13 Wednesday, 13th February, 2002

I have the most surreal news to share today. I went to the library for study period because I had to do a little research for an article I'm supposedly writing this week. Anyhow, while I was gone some pretty wiggy stuff went on in the Chem. lab.

All the gang was there except me, according to Lily, who relayed the events of the day to me. George and Josh were talking football, April and Emory were exchanging sweet nothings, Mary Cherry was doing hers and Carmen's nails. Then, Lily said, she overheard Nicole talking to Brooke. What follows is a direct transcript of what Lily says she heard.

N: How come you've been spending so much time with Spam lately, Brookie? It's not healthy, you could catch something nasty.
B: Lay off of her, Nic. She's really a nice person, we're good friends now. It's not cool to make fun of her so much when you don't even know her.
N: It looks like I don't even know YOU! What happened to you? She's infested you with her Spamminess, hasn't she? God, she's like this evil harpy who has to have everything her way, and it looks like she hasn't stopped at brainwash to get it!
B: Will you stop? Listen to yourself! You're the only evil harpy I can think of off the top of my head! She's genuinely a nice person, which is more than I can say for you at the moment. Now that I think about it, you could take lessons from her in how to be a decent human being… you might want to consider that, you're not doing so good. And in case you haven't guessed it, this conversation is over. As is our friendship. I won't sit here and listen to you bad mouth her behind her back!

Lily was quite red faced with excitement as she reported this to me. I must admit, I was too. It's not every day the most popular girl in school sticks up for you, against her best friend who is also the bitch of the school.

Anyway, the rest of the period must have passed pretty uneventfully cos when I showed up about five minutes before the bell rang, there was no sign that anything even remotely exciting had happened. I sat next to Lily, which was when she started getting all red faced and excited.

When Brooke and I got home, she was strangely quiet and we did our homework at the kitchen table without a word. She looked really sad about something, only I didn't know then what it was, so I resorted to the only thing that I knew might make her laugh.

"Mawak," I croaked. Stupid, I know. But it did the trick, she cracked up and I got to see her beautiful smile again. Mission accomplished.

The last thing we had to do was take back the DVD, and we decided since it was a reasonably nice day we'd walk down. If we'd been sensible, it would have taken us twenty minutes, maybe? Three hours later we got home, laughing like we were insane. I'm sensing a pattern here. After dinner we talked about nothing, but stuff that was serious, if that makes any sense. It probably doesn't, so I'll stop trying.

~~~~~~

DAY 14 Thursday, 14th February, 2002

When I woke up this morning, I wanted to crawl under the covers and not get up until Friday. Valentines Day! My most hated day of the year, because as yet I have always spent it alone, and it s not a very good day to spend alone.

Last year Brooke had Josh, and until recently I thought I would have George. Ha! Well, now we're both alone.

We drove to school in relative silence, compared to the way we've spent the last week. In fact, I don't think we said a word to each other until we got to school. Then Brooke asked me if I'd like her to make dinner for us tonight. I think her exact words were "since we're both alone, we might as well spend Valentines Day together. You know, since we re friends now and all."

I said yes, predictably. I wondered what her cooking was like… I hoped it was good; otherwise I'd be going hungry tonight! School dragged as I thought about it, and her, and I didn't actually get to see her all day, unless you count Bio which I don't because the Claw was on the warpath and we didn't have time to say a single word to each other. In short, it was a relief to collapse in the car and be driven home.

She set me up in the living room, saying I d cramp her style in the kitchen. I offered to help, honestly! But she wouldn't let me! And when she called me through to eat, I could smell the most gorgeous smell. She d made lasagna, and it tasted as good as it smelled. I think what she did was made enough for Mom and Mike, if they happened to want any. Between the two of us, however, we polished it off, as well as most of a bottle of wine.

Highly tipsy, we staggered into the living room and fell on the couch, laughing together as was the custom now. I don't exactly remember how we got upstairs but we ended up in my room, with Brooke insisting we should end the night with a sleepover.

It's twelve minutes past one on Friday morning as I write this, and Brooke is curled up beside me. I woke up about twenty minutes ago, and we were totally wrapped around each other. I felt the need to move before I got TOO comfortable… and snuggled into her more than we already were. Have I mentioned how beautiful she is when she's asleep? Seeing her like that made my decision for me. I slipped out of bed and left the bracelet on her bedside table, then slipped back to bed and started writing this.

I just hope when she wakes up she doesn't shriek in disgust at the way we've been sleeping. Cos it was purely innocent and accidental. It wasn't even my fault we ended up this way, it was hers!

Anyway, I m about to creep back into bed. I'm not worried about waking her… she'll sleep until she's good and ready to get up! But what I am worried about is that bracelet. With a bit of luck she won't go postal on me for giving it to her. I don't understand how I can love her so much in such a short space of time! It's almost eating me up inside, but I know I can't say anything to her. I'm not ready to take that risk.

~~~~~~

DAY 15 Friday, 15th February, 2002

"Let's go see a movie," was the first thing Brooke said to me this morning. I opened my eyes and looked at her. She was sitting on my bed, it was six in the morning and she didn't even look hung over! Myself, on the other hand… well, I had definitely seen better days. But I shook my head to clear it and made a vague noise, like, say what?

"Let's go see a movie," she repeated patiently. Okay. So we went to school as usual, but on Brooke's insistence we left at the beginning of lunch and drove to the movie theater where we decided to see Ice Age. It was a good movie from the start. It starts with this little guy, a squirrel, and he's got this acorn, and he's like the unluckiest little guy you'll ever see. Brooke and I were in stitches from then on… except in the sad parts. It's a very good movie.

Actually it's surprising I remember as much as I do cos we shared a large popcorn, and you know what that means. I think my hand and her hand touched about twenty seven million times, and to begin with I pulled my hand away quick smart, not wanting to scare her or something. As the movie went on I noticed, each time it happened she never pulled her hand away, so I stopped pulling mine away. By the end of the movie we were all but holding hands in the popcorn, and I sure as hell wasn't complaining, but I was a little confused. That wasn't at all what I had expected to happen. I thought we were just friends. Anything more is completely a figment of my imagination, right?

So anyway, I'm all confused but I tried not to let on to Brooke. After the movie, we wiped our eyes (tears of laughter) and went for ice cream. It's so refreshing that she can eat as much as she does. I know all about her little problem a while back, and it makes me sad to think that she ever felt that bad about herself. Oh and I forgot to mention, she found the bracelet. Of course, she raced to my room as soon as she found it, and she jumped up and down and she thanked me with a big hug. Then she asked me what it was for. I said, "You deserved to get at least something on Valentines Day, even if it was only from me."

Get this. She said, "'Even if it was only from me?' Sammy, it means more from you than anyone else, because you're my best friend and I love you, silly!"

Well. I know she only meant friendly love but it warmed my heart to hear it. She hugged me again, and I hugged back for all I was worth because I know that's probably going to be as far as I get with her. And then I found out where she'd disappeared to on Tuesday… she'd bought me a ring! It was really lovely, my birthstone, and it didn't look cheap either. Turned out she wasn't going to give it to me cos she felt like it was out of line, but when she found my present…

I think my new favorite thing to do is hug Brooke. There's something… just incredible about being in her arms, it makes me feel like I can do anything. And when she's hugging me I never want her to let go. If I ever got to kiss her I'd probably spontaneously combust, the excitement would just be too much! And if I ever… I can't even think about sleeping with her! Mmm, sleeping with Brooke…

~~~~~~

DAY 16 Saturday, 16th February, 2002

Eep. I'm glad Brooke and I don't have to share a room because after last night, she'd know exactly how I feel about her. I had the steamiest dream I've ever had, and guess who was starring in it? The Princess. God, it was amazing, and if she's even half as good as she was in my dream… well, it's moot, really, isn't it. Cos it's never going to happen.

But anyway, my dream went something like this. I was lying in my bed (in the dream) just about to fall asleep, and she enters the room, completely naked. I'm all like, Brooke? Are you sleepwalking? And she says, no, I know exactly what I m doing. And she comes over to me and kisses me. So I'm responding, as you do, and she's getting adventurous, her hands are starting to wander, and mine are too. So it goes from there… well, if she ever finds my journal I'd rather she DIDN'T read X-rated dreams about her. But there was much enjoyment, I can write that… and boy, is she good with her hands.

At some stage I'm sure I must have called out for her in my sleep. It's inevitable, given the way I am… I can't help talking in my sleep. But I'm really glad she wasn't in the room to hear it.

I called Lily to tell her about it, and she said it's completely normal. Given the fact that I'm completely in love with Brooke, she'd be worried if I wasn't dreaming about her!

I wore Brooke's ring today, even though we didn't go anywhere. I noticed she was wearing my bracelet. Nicole would probably spit tacks if she knew how close we are now!

We pretty much hung out today, nothing major. We watched one of those annoying chart shows on TV and I learned something new about Brooke… she loves Sophie Ellis Bextor. That `Murder on the Dance Floor' song. She sang it for pretty much the rest of the day, and she's actually got a really nice voice. I thought, someone who seems as perfect as her must have at least one thing wrong with her, and since I'd never heard her singing, I figured it must be that. Turns out I have to keep looking. She asked me at one stage, if I wanted her to shut up, but I shook my head. I'd love nothing better than to hear her singing for the rest of eternity.

As the day wore on I gathered up my courage and wits and broached the whole lesbian subject. I think I was very subtle. I waited until we were having dinner together, parentals were AWOL, and I asked her if she d ever considered being with a girl. She didn't choke on her linguine, which was a good sign. She finished her mouthful and said she had no objections to the idea, but it would have to be the right girl. Then she asked me the same question. I answered truthfully, and ended up coming out to her… kind of.

"I've thought about it a lot lately, and I've come to the conclusion that I only want to be with girls." I was scared to look at her for fear she'd go postal on me, but she took hold of my chin and made me look her in the eyes.

"You thought that would gross me out?" she asked me quietly. I nodded wordlessly, and she shook her head. "Doesn't bother me in the slightest."

~~~~~~

DAY 17 Sunday, 17th February, 2002

I was woken up by Brooke again but she wasn't jumping on my bed this time. She sat on the edge of my bed and shook me gently, and when I was awake she told me I was her best friend in the whole world and she loved me. I was relieved, and we hugged, and I hadn't even gotten out of bed yet!

She spent the day being really nice to me. But she was acting kind of strange, half the time she was really distant and the other half of the time she was asking questions about my liking girls. She seemed really curious. I answered her questions as best I could, but none of my answers seemed to really satisfy her.

I caught her looking at me at one stage. It was a really strange look, and for a while I thought she was reconsidering her earlier statement, like, maybe she really couldn't deal with this. But then she caught me watching her, and everything I was thinking must have been written on my face, because she came over and just gathered me in her arms. She hugged me for a long time, and it made me feel better cos even though nothing we could say could express what we were feeling, I knew in that moment that everything was going to be okay.

Actually, she hugged me a lot today. It's as if she knew she couldn't make me feel better with words. But what she was doing was getting her message across pretty nicely.

So we ended up watching yet another DVD. It wasn't as funny as the others we d watched lately, it was 28 Days, more of a drama than a comedy. But it had its moments. Brooke reached over and held my hand briefly, as if to drum her message home even more. I had to say something; anything, or I would burst, so I said "Brooke? I get it. You're still my friend, and I appreciate that, more than you can know. You're my best friend in the world, and I love you to pieces."

She was quiet for a while after that, and we just watched the movie. Afterwards as we cleaned up the popcorn and chips, she seemed very thoughtful. Then she spoke up. "Sammy? What brought it on?" she asked me. I turned my head so I was facing her, and looked at her a little quizzically.

"What brought what on?" I shot back.

"Saying you like girls," she said quietly. "What brought you to that conclusion? Is there… someone? A girl?"

"Brooke, I protested. But she held firm, asked me again. I kept it simple. "Yes, there is someone, and no power on this earth will make me tell you who."

"Is it…" she began, but I cut her off.

"No power on this earth," I warned her, and she dropped it. Luckily.

~~~~~~

DAY 18 Monday, 18th February, 2002

Brooke was wearing a little skirt and top again today, but nothing that compared to that Thursday that will live in infamy. He he he.

Anyway, Lily was acting really weird today. Every time I tried to broach the subject of Brooke, she went all weird. Her face went all red and she'd change the subject, and of course it didn't take a rocket scientist to figure out that she was hiding something from me. I didn't want to press the subject but it was getting kind of annoying. It didn't matter what I was saying about Brooke, it could have been mentioning THAT Thursday (tee hee hee) or talking about how she was way too good to be friends with Nicole, or wondering who she would go out with now that she's broken up with Josh, and Lily went beet red and changed the subject.

For the better part of the day I tried to think of things to talk about with Lily that couldn't include Brooke in any way. Do you have any idea how hard that was for me? My mind is, like, constantly on Brooke mode, and it's hard to get out of it. And I realized today how much I've come to rely on her, how close we've become, because apart from one major topic, which I'm becoming good at avoiding around her, I don't have to censor myself around Brooke. And I don't know if I want to continue to be friends with Lily if she's going to keep behaving like this, there's hatred, and then there's irrationality. I can't deal with that sort of crap day in and day out.

I can't even count how many times I wanted to confront Lily today, but I didn't do it. I've decided if she doesn't come to me and sort this out, I don't want anything to do with her. So, I went to talk to Brooke, because I needed some normal conversation with much less mental editing. Turns out she was almost as wiggy as Lily, though not nearly as bad. At least she didn't jump and start twitching every time I said Lily's name. And yes, that's how bad Lily was.

Okay, so, as Mondays go, this wasn't that bad. Some good came of it, at least: Brooke and I bonded some more, although I'm not sure there's much more bonding she and I can do! And any day that brings me to a better understanding of myself can't be all bad, can it?

I asked Brooke why Lily was being so wiggy, cos I just knew it has something to do with everybody's favorite Princess! But all Brooke said was, Lily has apparently never liked her. Not a good enough reason, in my opinion, and I said so, but Brooke just shrugged her shoulders and made a "Who knows?" face.

So we went to bed, but Brooke came to my room in the middle of the night, clutching her pillow. "I can't sleep, Sammy," she whispered. So I patted the bed next to me, and she climbed in. Eventually she fell asleep, but it took a while, and I couldn't help but wonder why, since she s never had trouble sleeping before… at least, not any of the times she's slept in my room. I thought it had something to do with the problems I encountered today. But I m starting to feel sleepy, so I'll just stop… and I m telling you, she didn't put her hand where it is intentionally… she just flung it in her sleep… She did so!

~~~~~~

DAY 19 Tuesday, 19th February, 2002

Brooke didn't say a word about yesterday when we woke up this morning. She got up, smiled at me, and headed for the shower without a word. Breakfast was normal, except we didn't talk about Lily. And that was fine with me; I had no intention of bringing it up.

At school, Lily came up to me and tried to say sorry… I wanted to blow her off, but something in her voice and her face made me listen to her.

"Sam, I'm sorry about yesterday," she began. Not exactly original, and completely unconvincing, so I was about to walk away from her but she grabbed my arm and all but pleaded with me. "I can't exactly tell you what happened," she said, "but Brooke said something to me that I'm not allowed to tell you. So please don't ask me what it was, and please don't go and confront her because I know the two of you are friends now, and I don't want to screw that up… nor do I want her to know I betrayed her trust. But please, Sam, don t be angry with me…"

I gave her a Look. Because I just bet I knew what Brooke had told her…

"She told you I'm gay, didn't she," I hissed. Lily's eyes got huge and she pulled me into a nearby empty classroom.

"You're gay?" she hissed back. Eep. Guess that wasn't what Brooke told her after all. I had to go through the whole story with Lily, which was really something I did NOT want to do. And then, of course, Lily made me tell Carmen, which led to Harrison, and suddenly I went from only Brooke knowing, to all my friends knowing. I just knew this was going to end with the whole school knowing, and the thing that got to me? It was ALL MY FAULT. That's right. There was absolutely no one else I could pin my impending humiliation on, because if I had just waited for Lily to tell me what Brooke had told her without blurting the first thing that came to MY mind, I wouldn't be in this mess. I was so angry with myself.

And the best part, even though all of that is in a world (of pain) of its own, was that I still don't know what it was that Brooke said that made Lily so wiggy. So I'm in the same boat I was in this morning, and I have public humiliation to look forward to. Not bad for a days work.

I ran to find Brooke when my… friends… finally let me leave. I told her the whole story, including the Lily thing (couldn't very well tell her about my slip up without telling her HOW and WHY I slipped up) and ended up crying on her shoulder. It wasn't so much me being upset, as panicking, and as she held me I strangely felt better.

Brooke and I ended the night with a run, which I'm ashamed to say I haven't done in a while. I'm sure she's kept up her fitness regime, though. She's just that perfect. And while we ran, we talked, and it was good to talk to someone who has been there for me in the last few weeks, you know? It doesn't feel like any of my other friends have been there the way Brooke has. The way Brooke continues to be.

~~~~~~

DAY 20 Wednesday, 20th February, 2002

I've forgiven Lily. It's not worth obsessing over. And I'm trying not to think about it, but every now and then it plagues me. What could Brooke have told her to make her that wiggy? It's crazy.

So Brooke and I sat together in Bio class today (like every day) and we just passed random notes to each other. It was funny, really funny, and nice to be able to laugh with each other even though there's still that between us. She always asks me how I'm feeling now, and every now and then she asks me who my crush is. I'm still holding her off with the whole "no power on this earth" thing. She thinks it's funny, which means I don't feel bad about always saying it to her.

God, I feel like I'm saying the same things over and over again. My life, while it was unpredictable for a while, has progressed to boring very fast. And it's just the same old crap over, and over again. Except for the fact that Brooke and I are friends. And Harrison…

That's another thing. Harrison is like the only one of my friends who isn't all supportive to the baddest. He's been semi avoiding me since I was forced to tell him, and I don't think I've had a chance to be alone with him. I think it's because his mother is gay, and maybe he's finding it a little hard to deal. It's a little hard for me, because I was so used to hanging out with him, and he truly WAS my best friend. Now that it's Brooke… well, maybe he knows more than he's letting on.

Anyhow, if he's going to be a homophobic little creep, I don't WANT to know about him. I feel sorry for his poor mother. Actually, if I'm completely honest with myself, I feel sorry for him as well. I can't even begin to imagine what it must belike to live with that sort of hatred, that sort of ignorance eating you up inside. I thank God every day that my parents brought me up to be accepting of everyone, regardless of race, sex, beliefs or sexual preference. Hopefully that sort of upbringing will come in handy when I have to tell my mother I'm gay.

So Brooke. Her and I sat and wrote notes for the entire period, and at one stage I took a sort of mental step backwards, if you know what I mean. I had to smile. I mean, oh, to be a fly on the wall watching the transition Brooke and I have made in the last few weeks. If I hadn't been a part of it, I wouldn't have believed it myself. And now? I can't imagine life without her. It's like I've always been the best of friends with her, I couldn't even imagine fighting with her now.

After school we went home, sat at the kitchen table and did homework together. Then we made spaghetti bolognaise together. Then we had a noodle fight together. Ay caramba, do we ever stop being idiots? At any rate, we crashed at about ten. I can see her from where I sit here on my bed. We've started leaving the bathroom doors open at night so we can talk to each other when we're in our own rooms. I wonder why we don't just move in together. I might just ask her to.

~~~~~~

DAY 21 Thursday, 21st February 2002

No school! Mad teacher strike, not that I'm complaining. I thought I d curl up on my bed with a good book, but Brooke decided to join me. Harry Potter and the Philosopher s Stone, never thought that would be quite her cup of tea (or mine, for that matter) but it's a damn good book.

We spent about three, four hours lying on my bed reading aloud to each other, taking a chapter each. I loved listening to her, the way she varied her voice to go with each character. I could listen to her for hours (and I did) even if she was reading from the telephone book, for God s sake. But I loved reading TO her as well, watching her facial expression change with what I was reading. When it was climactic, she bit her lower lip slightly, when the danger was over, she looked relieved. I loved the way she giggled at the funny bits and got all indignant at the way Professor Snape treated Harry.

When the book was over, she groaned and stretched, arching her back off the bed and groaning softly. I licked my lips nervously; though I still don t know why. I rolled backwards off the bed and stood, extending my hand to help her up. She took it, pulled herself up and stood next to me. But she didn't let go of my hand. She didn't let go as we walked down the stairs, she didn't let go as she suggested we go to the mall for lunch. She didn't let go until we were in the car and she needed her hands for driving.

We had burgers and fries again. God, I love to eat with her! She's so lively, and she's not like those stereotypical cheerleaders… at least, not anymore. She doesn't count calories, or complain about the fat content in everything she eats. And, thank god, she doesn't make herself throw up anymore. I'm relieved about that.

After lunch we went to the grocery store and got popcorn and chips and dip and took ourselves home and settled in front of the couch to watch a Brady Bunch marathon, of all things. Mom and Mike came in towards the end and watched with us, and I suddenly thought, in our own way, we're a lot like them. But not in that disgustingly cheerful way, I mean in the way that we're soon to be a blended family.

We all ate supper as a family, too. We don't seem to do that very often, because the parentals are always out doing their parental type things, and Brooke and I are often left to our own devices. We were all in a really good mood, laughing and joking, and acting like a real family. That could begin to be a problem if I continue to have these feelings for Brooke, but I'm choosing to ignore those thoughts right now. I just want to concentrate on loving her.

When we finally went up to bed she stopped me at the top of the stairs. I don't think the parentals could see us, they were in the living room. She stopped me and she pulled me in for a really deep hug, and she whispered in my ear "I had a really good time today, Sammy. I love you."

Then she kissed me on the cheek before running to her room, leaving me holding my cheek in stunned silence at the top of the stairs.

~~~~~~

DAY 22 Friday, 22nd February, 2002

Nothing really happened at school today, it was blissfully silent and boring. Haven't had a day like this in a while. Actually, one thing of note did happen. Brooke hugged me goodbye after Bio, just before we were about to go our separate ways. I saw, over Brooke's shoulder, Nicole turning absolutely green with something… nausea? Envy? Whatever it was, it made me happy.

The parentals were waiting for us when we came in the door after school. It's not a regular occurrence, so I thought perhaps something was very, very wrong. But they just wanted to tell us in person that Mike had to go away on business for a week, and Mom was going with him. They needed to leave right away, but they didn't feel right about leaving us a note. So, they get back on Friday the first, or something, and Brooke and I are left alone in the house for a week. Great. Much as I would normally enjoy that, I have a bad feeling that something… well, BAD is going to happen. And I can't shake it.

Brooke drove the parentals to the airport while I took the money Mom left us and went grocery shopping, being sure to follow the list she gave me. It was a very boring list, so I figured I'd add a little Sam to it by buying snack foods on top of what Mom wanted.

Apart from hugging me like normal, Brooke hasn't said a word about kissing me last night. There's a couple of things that could mean. One, it was completely unconscious and she kissed me the way she would kiss her 80 year old great aunt Petunia. That's the option I don't like. Two, she regrets it totally and never wants to think of it again, let alone hear it brought up in a conversation. That's the option I'm dreading. Or, three, she wants to do it again, possibly on my mouth next time, but she's too scared to try again? That's the option I'm rooting for and also the option that isn't going to happen.

I got back to the house to find Brooke back, and in the kitchen making supper. I love when she cooks, that's for sure! This time it was beef stroganoff, from scratch no less. Gotta love that home cooking. We ate in relative silence, although I did compliment her cooking several times. She was blushing, but kept her head down, eating. So I had some time to do a little thinking. And here's what I thought.

I am a journalist, first and foremost. And the thing I stand for, more than any other principle, is the truth, right? So it's going against everything I stand for to be lying to her about how I feel. I know it's crazy, but the journalist in me, the truth seeker in me, is crying out for me to tell her. Then the sensible side, the self preserving side pipes up and says it's nuts, I can't tell her because I'd lose the best friend I've ever had. But ultimately, I made up my mind. Tomorrow, I'm going to wait until the perfect moment and then fess up.

I wanted to watch the late night movie, and I invited Brooke to watch it with me, but she said she was tired and was going to bed. Imagine my surprise when I came up at about midnight to find her asleep in my bed, with a note pinned to my pillow saying she couldn't resist a sleepover! So I had to curl up in the tiny space she wasn't occupying, and think unsexy thoughts until I finally fell asleep.

~~~~~~

DAY 23 Saturday, 23rd February, 2002

When I woke up she was already awake, lying there, looking at me, actually smoothing my hair with her fingers. As my eyes opened she pulled her hand back but I told her not to stop. I guess I never got around to telling her how much I love when people play with my hair. I remember when I was younger Mom would always brush my hair for me, not because I couldn't, but because I loved having someone else do it. Anyway…

I'm not entirely sure what happened today. After walking around the house in a sort of daze, we straightened up what little mess we'd made and headed for the living room. Happy Days was having a marathon and we watched that for a while… at least, I tried to but I was having trouble concentrating. I thought the time was right.

"Brooke?" I ventured. As predicted, she turned her complete attention to me, looking into my eyes. I gulped and screwed up my courage.

"Brooke, there's something I should have told you a long time ago… about three weeks ago now. You see, the thing is…" Here, I trailed off, petrified of what was going to come next.

She smiled warmly and hugged me. "It's okay, Sammy. Just tell me. What's the worst that could happen, I'd freak and run screaming from the room?" This last was followed by a soft giggle to indicate she was joking. I took a deep breath.

"Brooke, I think… no, I know I'm in love with you," I blurted. Her face went very white, then slowly turned red.

"I know I must have heard that wrong," she stammered. But I shook my head. Tears were forming in my eyes as I told her she heard right. I had that sinking feeling again. Why didn't I listen to the self preserving part of me?

"I have to… I have to go someplace that is other," she said as she got up off of the sofa and backed away from me. The last thing I heard from her as she ran up the stairs was kind of weird. "Shit, now what am I going to do?"

I threw myself face down on the sofa and cried, real heaving sobs of despair. I barely heard her leave, presumably for Nicole's place, or maybe… I don't even know. I must have cried for about an hour before I thought to call Lily and tell her what had happened. Including the cryptic comment.

Lily started stammering and making lame excuses for Brooke. Maybe she had PMS, maybe she wasn't feeling great, maybe she just needed time to adjust to what I'd told her. But I knew the truth. Maybe I'd just lost my best friend.

She called at ten to say she was coming home to sleep. She sounded distant, like she didn't really want to talk to me. But she came home, and that's the main thing, right?

~~~~~~

DAY 24 Sunday, 24th February, 2002

Today has been, without a doubt, the worst day I've had since… (I'm just reading back) since the first of February! All my other days were fine, fun even, but this day sucked to high heaven.

I gave Brooke plenty of space to think about what I said and what she wants to do now. Actually, I didn't really have a choice. She flew out of the Palace like a bat out of hell, saying she was going to Lily's. Lily's? That made even less sense than the cryptic comment last night. But I said nothing. I'm taking the safe road from now on, and not saying anything until she directly asks me to.

I pottered around the house aimlessly for most of the day. I went online and talked to Harrison for a while, then I read my emails and checked the messages on the Yahoo group I belong to. I haven't checked it for a while, so reading all the messages kept me busy for the better part of three hours, when you add in replying to most of them. Then I surfed the net. I looked up lyrics, downloaded MP3's, just wasted time, basically. When my butt started to go numb and my head started to hurt I signed off and started walking around the house again.

Brooke came home at seven, just in time to eat the pizza I ordered then disappear to her room again. I saw her look at me on the way up the stairs, and in that look I found hope that maybe I hadn't lost her after all.

Call me crazy, but I decided to read over my textbooks and go through the notes I've been taking in my classes. It's not something I do very often, but I like to do it when the outside world is hurting me and I need something to keep my mind off it. Nothing I've found works better than studying. You'd think, then, that my grades should be really awesome. Funny, but I'm not usually depressed enough to use the studying trick. Tonight I was.

I guess I fell asleep early, about 8, right on top of my Bio notes. And the really crazy thing is, I woke up at about 11 to find myself under the covers, my books and notes stacked neatly beside my bed. For a split second I thought Mom had come back, but then I woke up better and realized the only person it could have been was Brooke. Considering she's the only other person in the house!

I got up and went for a glass of milk, deciding to check on her on the way back to bed. It's still there, that feeling I have for her. I think I stood there for half an hour, just watching her sleep, listening to her breathing. Her hair was spread out across her pillow and she was lying on it, it you know what I mean, almost like her hair WAS the pillow. It looked so soft I just wanted to go over there and run my fingers through it, but I restrained myself. I settled for standing at the door to her room, watching her.

I couldn't help but cry when I got back to bed. Janet Jackson was right – "You don't know what you've got till it's gone."

~~~~~

DAY 25 Monday, 25th February, 2002

It's over. Hallelujah, the silence is over. She woke me up in the morning with a hug and an apology for the way she acted yesterday. I was so happy I couldn't even speak, I just cried and she held me, rocking me back and forth for a while.

When we finally got to school, we hadn't said a word about anything I'd said to her on Saturday, and we gave no indication to anyone else that we'd had a fight. I wouldn't have wanted to give Nicole Julian the satisfaction. I knew Lily knew, but she didn't say anything to me and I didn't bring it up, so that was sweet.

Brooke was extra nice to me today, as if she knew she'd acted like a jerk yesterday and she was trying everything to make it up to me. Not that I think she acted like a jerk. Truth is, I probably would have done the same thing if the positions were reversed. Anyway, she took me to the mall after school and bought me dinner, and we window shopped until we dropped. It was great, especially the part where we knew we didn't have to be in by any certain time cos there weren't any parental units in the house!

Then we went home and on the way, we rented DVDs. I would have protested, seeing as we both had homework, but she insisted we have some fun to make up for the fun that yesterday was not. That's a direct quote, believe it or not! We got The Princess Diaries and Cop and a Half. Actually, we spent the rest of the night doing impressions of the little kid in Cop and a Half ("Every day these big jumbos come, put me in the toi-let, and hold me upside down.") Well, I guess you had to be there, but it felt great to be laughing with her again.

Apart from her minor indiscretion yesterday, Brooke really is the nicest person I know. And she told me something she's never told anyone before, and I swear, if this gets out Nicole would be livid cos it involves her (and it would not do for anything like this to get out!) but it turns out, back in freshman year Brooke and Nicole made out just to see what it was like. And Nicole liked it a little too much, but Brooke didn't want to go any further, and they had a major fight that lasted like a month. What she neglected to tell me was what she thought of the kiss. So I thought I'd ask her.

"Brooke? What did YOU think of the kiss? I mean, we both know Nicole enjoyed it, but what about you?" I knew I was walking on eggshells but I had to know. She blushed, and I held my breath, waiting for her to explode and tell me to mind my damn business. She didn't.

"Honestly? It was the best kiss I've experienced thus far in my life. Boys… they just don't get it. If you want a real kiss, you have to go to a girl. She tasted like strawberries." She looked at the floor, embarrassed. Then she spoke again.

"About Saturday night… if you weren't lying, then I'm flattered. You just caught me off guard, is all. It means a lot to me that you could tell me. I guess we really have come a long way as friends." Her words were soothing, and her face was reassuring. My heart started doing flip flops.

~~~~~

DAY 26 Tuesday, 26th February, 2002

All I can say is, I'm confused in the extreme.

No, I can say a lot more. Okay, we were in Bio, and she gave me this look. And this look was… I don't know, it was unlike any look Brooke has ever given me before. It was… sultry.

She had really sexy eye make up on, too. Usually I tell her she shouldn't bother with make up cos she's beautiful anyway, but this eye make up was different. It made her eyes look all smoky and sexy, and I could feel my insides melting as she gave me this look. If it had been, say, Harrison giving me this look, I would have sworn it was lust. But this is Brooke, I mean, she doesn't feel that way about me! Does she?

Although, there was all that guff she spouted about boys not knowing how to kiss. Perhaps she wouldn't object to my refreshing her memory, so to speak. But anyway, she was giving me this look. And she KEPT giving me this look.

I decided to play her game, and I sent a look back that, hopefully, conveyed everything I felt for her. She looked surprised, then sent me an even stranger look. This one almost looked like love!

And when we were at home, things didn't start to make any more sense. She sat me down and made me dinner, yes, that I could have handled. But then over dinner she started asking me all these questions. And from the sound of the questions she was trying to draw me into a conversation. I took the bait.

"So, Sammy," she began, oh, so subtly. I gave her my best "I'm listening" look. "Uh, have YOU ever kissed a girl?"

"No, actually."

"So how do you know you like them better?"

"I just do. I happen to be in love with a girl, remember?" She grinned sheepishly.

"Oh yeah." So I decided to ask a few questions of my own.

"Is Nicole the only girl you've ever kissed, or wanted to kiss?" I asked, shooting her a sly grin. She flushed even redder.

"Yes," she lied, badly. Something told me to drop it, because I knew I was still skating on thin ice with her. But I couldn't help but look at her during the remainder of the night, wondering who else it was she'd kissed, or wanted to kiss. A week ago it would have been too much to hope it was me, but these day's I'm starting to think it might not be that much of a stretch after all. After all, why not me? What's wrong with good old Sammy? I'm her good friend, and it ISN'T that much of a stretch.

~~~~~~

DAY 27 Wednesday, 27th February, 2002

I had a lot of fun today. Brooke and I were in Bio and we were listening to yet another boring lecture, as we so often do. Then I feel this hand on my hand, under the desk. I look up in surprise, and Brooke's holding my hand, smiling at me. Okay, I think, and I smile back.

Then I feel her foot on my shin, and she's full on playing footsie with me! So I'm playing too, and we're smiling, and she's still holding my hand. And neither of us notices the Claw until it's too late.

"Something funny, McSisters?" she asks us, and we have to bite our lips to keep from laughing.

"No," I manage to splutter. We're both really glad when the bell rings and we grab our stuff and run, hand in hand and shrieking with the giggles to the car.

We burst in the front door and she chased me into the living room, cornered me on the sofa and started tickling me. I fought back, of course, but she overpowered me. Partly because I wanted some answers.

"Brooke, what was that all about back in Bio? Why were you playing footsie with me, why were you holding my hand?"

"I just wanted some physical contact, I wanted a hug, and I wanted someone to hold my hand. Is that so wrong?"

"Not at all," I told her. "Wait here."

I ran upstairs and retrieved her hairbrush, then ran back downstairs and sat behind her on the sofa.

"Sammy, what are you doing?" she asked me, but I reached my hand around and held a finger in front of her lips.

"Shh," I told her.

If she wanted physical contact, I'd give her physical contact. I started running the brush through her hair and I swear she almost started purring! It was the sweetest thing. I sat there, brushing her hair and she completely relaxed, she couldn't keep her head from swaying gently with the movement of the brush. I looked around at her face and saw her eyelids drooping with pleasure… at least, I'm pretty sure it was pleasure. I set the brush down and started just running my fingers through her hair, and she let out this tiny little moan of contentment. I guess I'm not the only one who likes people playing with my hair.

The parentals come home on Friday, and if Brooke and I were actually together, we could have USED this alone time. Pity we're not. Together, that is.

~~~~~~

DAY 28 Thursday, 28th February, 2002

Brooke and I decided to skip school and clean the house before the parentals arrived. Not that there was much to clean. I may not be the tidiest person in the universe, but I'm not a slob and I can pick up after myself, and Brooke, as I've said before, is basically perfect. So the cleaning was done before lunch.

We had another pizza for lunch. I sat watching her. She sat watching me. Neither of us seemed likely to break the silence… till she spoke.

"Josh used to play with my hair, but never that well," she admitted. Like I really wanted to hear about Josh, the guy she'd lost her virginity to, but she was sharing, so I let her keep talking. "I remember once he washed my hair for me… it was the most relaxing and the most sensual thing I've ever felt…" Her voice was getting all dreamy, but suddenly she snapped out of it.

"I used to love my Mom fixing my hair when I was little," I told her. "I still do. There's something awesome about the feel of someone else's fingers running through your hair, am I right?" I asked. She nodded, and then went back to her pizza.

Later in the afternoon I was sitting on the couch watching something random when she came and sat next to me. "Sammy," she started, and then stopped. "Sammy," she tried again. I turned to face her and hugged her, telling her whatever she was trying to say, it couldn't be as disastrous as last Saturday.

"Sammy, me too," she whispered. For a second I didn't have the foggiest idea what she was talking about, and then it clicked. She felt the same way I did? But no, that couldn't be it, could it? So I decided to clarify.

"You too, what?" I asked softly. Her forehead creased in a frown, as if she'd thought that would be all she'd have to say to make her point apparent, then she brightened. She leaned in and kissed me.

Okay, there's right, and then there's right. Right is like when the teacher says, "if x + 3 is 7, then x must equal 4." But right is Brooke McQueen with her soft lips pressed to mine, right is Brooke McQueen's tongue silently and sweetly begging for entrance to my mouth. Right is French kissing Brooke McQueen on the sofa in our living room. She pulled away and looked at me almost fearfully, probably scared I was going to freak out and slap her or something.

I grabbed her and brought our lips together again.

Somehow, I don't know how, we ended up on the living room floor with her on top of me, and we were really kissing passionately, and her hand was working its tentative way up my side towards the hem of my top, and my hand was almost but not quite squeezing her ass.

Slowly I pulled away from her, looking into her eyes again. I'm definitely not the luckiest girl alive, but she made me feel like maybe I could be. And that brings me to where we are now, lying in each other's arms on the sofa, occasionally kissing and always smiling, because from where I am, there's nothing else in the world I could wish for that would make me happier than I am now.