Dianna

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'Dianna Wears Red'

I've been telling lies to myself.

Hold me now, you know

I am so afraid to be...at all.

-Vast

Here'

Dianna Wears Red-Primus

First Lesson

Dark out.

A little starlight filtering through the branches.

I can see.

I can always see.

Can't see you now, but I know you're there. Looking for your food, thinking you're the hunter. Thinking there's a pretty little something out there for you to take. You don't know it yet, but it's the other way 'round. There's a pretty little something out here alright. I'm looking for you though.

No. You don't know it yet; but you will.

I'll show you.

The rough bark of the tree branch digs into the soles of my feet. I push off the limb I'm reclining against, feeling the wind. Feeling, touching, tasting the wind all over me.

Listen.

Feel.

Smell.

I know you're out there little thing. I know you're out there all I need is one...

Gotcha.

Jump; don't land on the ground. Mausoleum roof works just as well, jump, land on the next. Why run when you can fly?

Leap, spin, grab the low branch, flip...rebound off the head stone. Wind's sliding over me, stars at my back. Can you hear me? Can you hear me coming little thing? You're quiet, careful. I can tell, you don't smell like a fledgling. You've got experience; you've been doing this a while. Won't help you, nothing will help you. I'm coming for you, can you hear me?

Well meat? Can you?

There you are. I see you.

Ah. I see her too.

She is lovely. Look at her. The long black hair tied into a French braid that dips down to the small of her back. The dark blue jeans, so deep they are darker than the rest of the night. The back of her neck, pale and luminant, glowing under the light of a streetlamp. You must be so hungry little thing. Drooling maybe?

See how the tip of her braid bobs and jumps every time she skips to the music in her head? I can hear her humming; she's dancing to a song inside. You want to stop that song don't you? Take all that rich sweet life and just drink it down. Slurp, slurp yum yum.

Won't let you.

Won't let you do that. No, no, no.

I see you. I see you crouched down behind those bushes. I hear your knuckles crack as you flex your fingers in anticipation, I hear the grass whisper when you shift your weight forward. I can hear your breath rasping between your canines.

Silly vamp, have you gotten so excited that you've forgotten you don't need to breathe?

But you're blind, deaf and dumb little thing. I'm right over your head and you don't know it. Crouching on this branch looking down on you. Can't you hear me? Huh? Don't you know that I'm right over your head? No. No, you don't.

Poor, poor little thing.

Here she comes, she's about to walk right by where you're hiding. Are you going to jump out in front of her? Scare her? Listen to her scream and try to run before grabbing her? Or will you just slip up behind her after she's walked past and take her from behind. Not giving her time to even gasp in surprise before you make the kill? What will you do little vampire? Hm? What will you do?

Doesn't matter.

I'll do it first.

Fall.

Fall loud so you hear me land.

Finally.

"Slayer," You speak through fang and spit. Your wasted drool splatters to the earth.

Do not talk, do not waste time. Attack. If you don't, I will.

No?

Fine.

You are fast, and strong. I can't beat you down, you'll get back up, but I can break you.

I intercept your leg when you try to kick at my head. Stepping into the blow and absorbing the impact on my shoulder, trapping the limb between my side and grabbing it with my arm. I bring my forearm down across the cap of your knee and now it's broken. Tighten my grip raise my other forearm and smash the inside of your thigh with the ball of my palm, pulping the muscles between your bones and my fist. Stepping forward I adjust my grip so my arm is wrapped around your upper leg. You try to claw at me but I slap your blows aside with my free arm. Bringing up my leg I slam my foot into the back of your supporting leg crushing the other knee onto the earth.

You're immortal little thing, but you're broken now.

No long drawn out fights. Chase, immobilize ..and my favorite part. The kill.

You scramble on the ground now? Are you whining? Where's your feral defiance now?

I snap a branch off the tree and pin you down.

Goodbye little thing.

A rustle behind me, I spin, but hesitate--the girl.

She's staring at me, eyes wide, fear glistening inside. My tongue flickers out to taste the air. It's just a split second but she sees. More fear. Yum.

"Wh-what are you?" She whispers.

I smile again. The words are unfamiliar to me but I manage a horse growl. "Hungry"

The girl gives a little shriek and turns to run, my legs bend in anticipation of the leap.

No!

No. She...she's ...she's not prey. Cattle yes, but not prey.

My...my I...hurts…hurts inside. A second ago I-I …fine…Now….

Home. I want to go home.

I leap for the trees.

Dark inside.

A dim glow from the streetlamps outside filters in between the blinds.

I can see.

I can always see.

Can see you now. Bundled under the covers, watch the slow rise and fall of your breaths. Hear the warm air easy between your lips, smell the natural perfume of your body. Think you're safe, warm and safe in your bed. You're not. You're not safe in your bed, behind your door, you're not. I'm here now though. You're safe now because I'm here. In the room; With you though you don't know it yet.

Don't worry.

You will.

I'll show you.

The carpeting is soft between my toes as I step silently across the room. I move around the pile of books in the middle of the floor, I know they're there. I can see them, you couldn't but I can. Ease around the chair between you and me.

I crouch down next to where you sleep and watch you. It's so dark but I can still see. Your lashes flutter after a time, underneath the pale lids I see your eyes rolling. You wet your lips with your tongue and smack them quietly a few times. I hear your quiet murmurs and sighs when you roll over in your sleep. Now on your side your face is half lit from the glow outside, I stare at your closed eyes imagining, picturing the green.

I touch you between the eyes with the tip of my finger and ease a soft caress down, along the rise of your nose, up to its tip and then over the cupids bow, tickling your lips gently. You hiss in irritation and your tongue flickers out again to sweep away the annoyance. Its wet heat brushes my finger and a fire roars down my spine.

You don't want to wake up do you. You want to stay asleep, wrapped in warm fluffy dreams and the false safety of blankets. You don't want to acknowledge my hand brushing through your red hair. You want to rest, and to sleep and to dream of simple things like tests and lives long past and best friends. Maybe even flying ponies.

I won't let you.

No, no, no. I won't let you do that.

You swallow. My eyes lock on to the convulsions of your throat and are drawn to the crux where your shoulder meets your neck. I can see the flutter of blood underneath skin and muscle. My-my teeth ache. I want….

NO! Something...something else…I'll do something else.

I ease my hand under the warm blanket and trace my nails along warmer skin. You purr, still asleep. I touch your ribs and rub my hand over your belly.

"Hmm...wha….?" You blink your eyes lazily.

"Shh," I whisper.

"Buffy?" You ask hoarsely. An ache forces its way up my throat. I-I hurt.

"Willow," I whisper back to you. "I...."

Your eyes are fully open now and they glow in the dim light. They are so bright, I don't want to look away but … I…don't...deserve this...so much love there. There's so much love and humanity in your eyes. Close your eyes Willow, please close your eyes.

"Buffy?" You ask, sitting up straighter. "Are you okay? Did something happen on patrol? Where are your clothes?"

"I...Willow...that is.," My hand caressing your belly is stopped when you rest your own hand atop my own. "Clothes? Oh...I just took a shower…and…Willow," I look away from you. You're so bright. So ...complete.

I know you're reaching out to me, I feel the movement of the air being pushed aside as your arm stretches across the space between us, your hand cups my chin and turns my face to look back at you.

"What's wrong?" You ask me. You want to fix it don't you, how can you? You're full, I'm not. You're whole, I'm...

"Can...can I be with you?" I ask. I try not to whine, I try not to sound pathetic, there's an angry roaring inside my blood at the sound of my weakness. "Please?"

I feel your smile before I see it and when I do it takes so much not to cry in fear and relief. You hold open your arms and I fall into them. So much peace is flooding through me I almost don't hear you say quietly. "Always."

I'm not hungry anymore. I'm in the arms of someone who loves me. She is safe now, not 'cause I'm here but she's safe and because she's safe I'm safe. I'm safe with her... curled up against her body; her arms holding me close as I lay with my head resting on her shoulder. I can feel the flutter of her throat under my cheek, hear the deep thrumming.

No, it's okay. It's okay. She's not prey. She's not meat either. She's…safe. She's safe.

She's safe.

My teeth ache.

***

Mmm... mm? BRrrrr!

It's cold!

How'd it get so cold?

I glance around and notice Buffy curled up beside me. Well, not quite beside me she's also got most of my blanket wrapped around her. All I can see is her hair (Which is sticking up in weird directions) and her bare feet poking out the bottom of the blanket.
The window’s open too. That would explain the 'brrr'.

I nudge the peaceful slumbering snug bug in my rug...blanket. Whatever.

"Sss!" I hiss. Nothing.

"Buffy!" I whisper a little louder. Zippo.

I lean over and give her a solid push. "Buffy!"

She snorts a few times, pulls her arm out from the blanket and rubs her nose a few times. Then the hand disappears back inside the blanket and she curls into an even tighter ball.

Okay..fine. Suns up anyway and I expect the alarm clock is going to go off any second now and I'm going to go and just let it drone on and on. Make her shut it off, that’ll teach the blanket hog. Ha! There it goes, and...

Wow.

That was pretty fast, didn't even see her arm move just...one second an annoying, buzzing alarm clock and now a silent pile of plastic. I..I think I'll go take a shower. Yeah. Shower. Probably the wisest course of action. Let her get a few minutes of sleep, she's…she's probably tired. Gotta give a little leniency to ...y'know…the Slayer an' everything after all.

Ah...warm hot water. Chase those chills away...so very much better. Now let me think...think...I'm missing something...something important. What is it I'm forgetting? Aha...yes…gotta shave. It's Friday, that means tonight is 'date night'. Wanna look my best. Okay so date night consists of mainly pizza and rentals but considering I'm watching movies with my girlfriend an' all that I gotta look my best. Cause...I wanna be real inviting like so uh if there's a scary part in the movie and I should, maybe, jump in her arms and the lights just happen to be off.…

Whoa. Stop drooling Rosenberg, gonna get as bad as Xander. Gotta keep my mind on the present.

Let's see if Buffy has woken up yet. I crack the door to our room open slowly and peek inside. Nope, she's still wrapped up tight. Okay, this calls for desperate measures and if this fails I'll resort to cruel measures. Like cold water. Against my will I my gaze is dragged to the wreckage of the alarm clock. On second thought….

I tiptoe across the room, putting my towel on the cabinet, and lean over Buffy's slumbering form. Okay, now how does she sound uh maybe this. "Ms Summers! This is the third time you've fallen asleep in my class. I'll need to speak to you afterwards,"

Instead of her bolting upright in a panic one of Buffy's eyes open a crack and she peers at me balefully. "You sound nothing like Dr. Walsh, Willow."

I shrug. "That always works in movies."

"This is real life," she points out still staring at me from one half-open eye.

"With vampires and Hellmouths. But it's not all bad,"

"How so?" the sullen tone in Buffy's voice is palpable.

"There's bagels!" I state triumphantly.

Her open eye slowly closes and I'm worried she's gone to back to sleep. She has a class in half an hour and I really don't wanna risk winding up like the alarm clock. After a few moments she says, "Bagels are good true, but I can think of something better,"

"Uh really? For breakfast? Cause I love warm, fresh bagels with all sorts of gooey creams and maybe…ohh…maybe cheeses too!"

"No. This is definitely better," Buffy the lump mutters from under her trappings.

"This being?" I query.

There is a silent, colorful, explosion of action as Buffy flings off the blanket and the next thing I know I'm airborne. A split second later I land on the bed and Buffy's atop of me her hands gently pressing into my shoulders. She buries her face in my neck and traces a series of short sharp kisses and tender bites along my jawline.

"Oh," I gasp. "Oh wow!"

Her hands slide down the lapels of my bathrobe and gently begin to tug. She's mumbling into my neck, like a giant cat purrs, I can feel the rumble of her growl in my bones. Ah...oh...jeeze. This...this is better than...mm...Phooey on bagels... and...

A cold wind blows through the open window across my still damp skin. The resulting chill crashes across my brain and cognizance is close behind.

I try to push her off without being harsh. "Buffy."

She continues her affectionate actions, now her hands are trying to work at the knot at my waist. Her lips have abandoned my neckline and now she nips nibbles, bites and kisses her way down my arm until she reaches where she wants to be. Last weekend Buffy and I got henna tattoos, the looping, swirling ones with super ornate designs. I think they're kinda neat but Buffy absolutely adores them.

The tip of her tongue follows the patters of my tattoo around, and around, tracing and retracing all the circles on my skin, over and over again...and I'm so very tempted to just lay back and ...and...

"Buffy...we can't," I groan.

Her growl now has a plaintive sound to it. Like a whine. She doesn't stop nipping at me though.

I put my hands on her shoulders and push slowly but firmly; she yields reluctantly even though she could out-muscle me easily. She pulls away from me, still gloriously naked and the whole appeal factor is trebled by the adorable pout she's wearing. Eyes downcast lower lip sticking out just a bit.

Weeell...I mean…what could it hurt to...no. No, no, no. Gotta take a firm stance. Be mature, responsible, blah blah blah schmacity schmacity.

"C'mon Willow," she whines. "What about carpe diem and all that?"

"Quoting 'Dead Poets Society' won't help you this time Slayer," I growl back at her. "I can't be sure of the time cause…" again I glance at the slain alarm clock. "Hold on a sec'."

I clamber off the bed and wake up my laptop. I get a look at the time. "Holy cow! Buffy we gotta go. Diem is about to run right over us!"

"Aw nuts," She grumbles pounding the mattress with her fists. "Do we have to?"

"Uh yes. Y'know the whole higher education thing. Kinda generally thought of, by the world at large, as a good idea," I turn to her.

"Oh all right. But you owe me," Buffy concedes. She clambers off the bed, slips on an extra long T-shirt and grabs her towel. "I'll be right back."

"I'll be here," I say diving through what clean clothes I have left.

A few minutes later Buffy's back, shaking water from her long hair. The t-shirt is clinging to her skin in all the right and wrong places. Right because…yummy! Wrong because of the timing. Temptation rears its, in no way, ugly head. I mentally stand fast, beating temptation down with a brick.

"Willow?" Buffy asks noticing me staring at her. "You okay?"

"Fine, fine," I turn away and grab my book bags. "I got a class in five. See you at lunch?"

"Same bat time, same bat channel," She comments over her shoulder as she bends over the own clothes drawer. Down temptation, down! Bad dog, sit…stay. Play dead.

"Sorry about the carpe diem," Buffy mumbles as I head for the door. "In the long run you're probably right."

"Carpe noctum maybe?" I ask poking my head around the door back into our room.

"I don't care about the timing just so long as some Carpe Willow is in the near future."

I blow her a kiss and go to class.

***

Bored.

Booorrrinnngg....

Being here. Sitting here. Listening to this. Boring. Boring, boring, dull, boring and even more boring.

I could be out there. I should be out there. Or with her, I could be out there or with her... or even have her out there. Show her and...no. No. Can't do that. She...she can't know. Not yet, not ever. Have to…have to do this alone. I love her, trust her, know she would never hurt me but...

"Ms Summers would you care to pay a little attention?"

Sigh.

"Yes sir."

Boring.

I hear him come up behind me. "Ms Summers could I speak with you for a moment?"

No Professor you can't , because you are now taking up Willow Time. Time that could be spent with Willow. This is generally a bad thing and I would recommend highly that you get to know my priorities. You and your lessons are classified somewhere below 'Watching paint dry.'

I turn around to face him. "Sure thing. What's up?"

He is busy packing his briefcase with papers and is not even bothering to look me in the eyes. "Ms Summers, I have, as of late, noticed a certain lack on interest in my course material. You come to class distracted and seem to hardly be in the same room, much less the same time zone, as the rest of my students. Your work has also taken a noticeable downturn. Is everything all right?"

"What?" I ask. "You mean has my life suffered any serious shake ups or something?"

"Yes. Elegantly put I suppose," He replies still stuffing his case full.

"No. I was up late I admit but..."

He stops and tries to glare. "Students should spend less time partying and more time at their studies," He interrupts me. He's winding up for a full-blown lecture I can tell. Fine, you interrupt me I interrupt you.

"Actually I was working," I cut him off. I straighten my back a little, widen my stance.

"You're employed?"

"Yep," I nod. "Like you wouldn't believe. It's a security thing. Keeping people safe in their beds y'know the drill," I try a friendly half smile.

"Well, Ms Summers," the professor speaks ignoring my expression. He stuffs the last few papers in his briefcase. "You might want to request that your employers either cut down on your hours or give you a raise."

"Huh?" I raise my eyebrow. His voice, his tone. I can smell the hostility dripping off him. The hairs on the back of my neck stand up.

With a snap he slams his briefcase shut. "At this rate you'll flunk out of the college and need all the money you can get. Good day Ms Summers, see you bright and early Monday." He spins on his foot, briefcase in hand and is out the door.

The growl builds in my throat, the muscles in my leg start to tremble and clench. The skin on my hands begins to itch, my fingers claw at the material of my book bag; I feel it tear and give under the pressure.

You...you… pathetic, boring...dull...half-witted ...if you knew. If you only knew.

Cattle.

You're nothing but cattle.

***

Ugh, what a morning. I'm supposed to be a genius...or so I've been told but this was... headache. I mean head ache. Every single part of my head hurts.

Ears? Ringing with the piercing shrill of teacher’s lectures.

Teeth? Aching from being clenched together as I try and keep up with my notes.

Skull? One solid block of pain.

Let's not even think about how my brain feels. I've learned that the brain itself has no actual nerves but right now I believe I have sufficient evidence to throw that medical fact out the window.

Eyes? Dry and tired from hours of squinting at a board that is too far aw- Oh there's Buffy.

Wow. It’s suddenly a beautiful day.

Birds are singing, big puffy clouds bounce across the sky, grass is freshly mowed and bright green, Buffy's walking toward me with the tight features and the brisk step of someone really pissed off and..

Oh nuts.

She sits down beside me on the park bench, ignoring the lunch I bought her.

"Hi Buffy!" I say cheerfully trying a bright smile to break past whatever has got her in a bad mood. "What a surprise running into you here..," Nice one Rosenberg. "Er…despite the fact that we arranged to meet here and all. I bought lunch. See?"

"Willow," she brushes past my attempt at good humor.

"Uh...yeah Buffy?" This is not going to be fun.

"I want to apologize,"

Now I'm confused. I share this feeling by scratching the back of my head. "Okay," I say slowly. "What…for exactly?"

"Well," Buffy glances around us. The quad is pretty full. Lots of people are having lunch, probably cause it being twelve o'clock and all, so there's...um…people. Talking, laughing, studying; boys with girls, girls with boys. Y'know the regular. "Y'know that little rule we have?"

"Uh…rule?" I raise my eyebrows.

"The…uh," she stammers a bit and fidgets with her hands in her lap. "The one with...about…you...me…outside?"

Oh. OH! Sure. "Sure, the PDA rule. Yeah sure, gotta tone down the affection demonstration and all that. What about it?" I ask. I hope this doesn't take too much longer. I love Buffy to death and beyond (We actually have proof.) and I'd listen to her troubles no matter what but I am getting kinda hungry.

"I'm gonna break it," Buffy says flatly.

What?

For the second time today Buffy moves and I miss it even though I was looking right at her. She was sitting a foot or so from me now she's right beside me, hands on either side of my face kissing me fiercely. The sensation is- All the sensations are just too much. The warm sun, the noise of the crowd, Buffy's fingers running through my hair, her lips on mine. There is not a thought of protest in my body. None.

I go with it, with her, completely.

Sounds fade away, the glare of the sun through my closed eyes, the smell of flash fried fatty meats and glistening French fries, the crick in my back from being hunched over various desks for hours and hours.

Anxiety about having to spend hours studying in the library, even the normally always presents tension from my knowing about the Hellmouth and assorted badness, all of it.. gone.

It's just me.

Me and her.

Buffy. Just Buffy and I.

The kiss ends, she pulls away slowly and I open my eyes to see her looking back at me. Where moments ago her blue eyes were stormy and fierce they shine brightly now. Full of life and energy. Yep that's me, Willow, the SuperSlayerRecharge-O-Matic!

My senses kick in slowly and I smile to return the, dazzling one actually, Buffy is beaming at me. "Wow," she murmurs.

"I concur," I say. I feel goofy.

"I so needed that,” she says still smiling, now, at nothing in particular.

I put a finger to my chin; "I'm not surprised to find that I was in need of that."

Something’s wrong, hmm...buzzy brain...brain all fogged from Buffy kiss. What are you trying to tell me baffled brain o'mine?

The sun is shining, birds are singing, I've got a beautiful girlfriend who's sitting right next to, wearing an inane grin that I'd bet mine looks just like mine and all around us people are... not saying anything.

Oh.

Oh no.

Like a splash of cold water, like the chill wind this morning whatever buzz I was feeling dissipates. I turn my head slowly; Buffy too shakes off her fog and notices where I'm staring. I'm staring at everybody who's staring at us. Oh God. Oh no. Oh God.

Some people are just hanging there with their mouths open, more than a few boys are grinning, some are sorta...I guess... supportive looking though most appear to be lewd. I see one boy looking disgusted, as is the girl beside him. Other girls are looking at us the same way teens stare at their posters of teen idols. Most people just stare. A few whistles begin then a smattering of applause and before I know it the entire assembly in the quad is shouting, cheering, whooping and clapping. Behind this mass though I see some people walking quickly away.

My face burns and I glance at Buffy, she ...isn't embarrassed. She's reclining against the bench with a small, cocky, smirk on her face. Staring right back, openly, like a challenge, at the entire crowd. With her eyes still locked on the crowd she reaches out blindly, grabs my hand and presses it to her lips.

"Buffy...huh...wha…who," I helpfully add to the noise level.

"C'mon, let's go girlfriend!" Buffy laughs pulling me to my feet.

"Go? But...lunch...food. Hungry!" I feel like a passenger on a particularly loopy ride. Buffy dashes away from the quad pulling me after her, but I'm having a hard time matching her pace naturally enough. Without breaking stride Buffy yanks me into the air (how'd she do that without pulling my shoulder outta my socket?) and I land gently as a leaf in her arms. She giggles into my ear as I wrap my arms around her neck quickly. I've...this must be an odd site, or it would be if we were visible but we're not. Buffy keeps to the trees, using back trails and the underbrush to hide behind. She laughs the entire way and I can't help but join in. It's all just so crazy. One minute I'm moaning about classes to myself; the next at least fifty people see Buffy and I kiss (did we ever) and now Buffy is laughing a little crazy, carrying me in her arms darting around trees, ducking under branches and otherwise hurtling across the campus at breakneck speeds.

I do what anyone would do in these circumstances.

Throw my head back, kick my feet and laugh right along with the woman I love.

We reach our room in record time. Th-the buzz is back. I know what's going to happen, I know what she wants and I want it too. I want her too. Buffy barely has time to kick the door shut before I grab her head in my hands, lean up and resume the kiss we left off in the quad. She moves across the room, I think 'cause I have my eyes closed that or she flew, either way I don't notice how just when she sets me down on the bed. Without pause she lays herself next to me. I open my eyes slowly and, sure enough, she's staring at me with those bright, still shiny, blue eyes.

"Willow-" she begins.

I lay a finger across her lips. "Hush," I whisper. "Carpe diem."

"Carpe Willow" she mumbles around my finger.

"Carpe me then Buffy," I lay back and close my eyes.

I swear I think she's growling.

Than I can't pay attention anymore.

***

The sun has set.

She's asleep.

She's safe and asleep and full and warm.

I stand before the open window breathing in the cooling air, feeling the coming night. It drifts over me, caresses me, invites me.

They're out there; my prey. Going about their own feeding grounds trying to take the cattle. The cattle I am bound to protect.

They're not important though; I'll do my job well enough. My world a simple one.

My prey.

My hunt.

My mate.

Myself.

She sleeps now and so I must go. She fulfills me, completes me but still ...

I want to feel the earth between my toes, the night parting before me, the weight of my prey and taste of their ash in my mouth.

They're going about their hunting now, looking for cattle to feed off of. I feel my lips curl at the thought. They also seek me; some out of a suicidal quest for glory, others out of fear, who am I to keep them waiting?

I pause, give one last glance to the tousle haired redhead safely wrapped around her pillow. I touch her cheek with my fingers and let them linger for a moment, savoring her heat. I yield to one further temptation and bury my face in her hair inhaling deeply.

Then, pulling up the covers to protect her from any chills and with her scent in my mind, I hurtle out the window.

Dark out.

END- First Lesson