Sometimes We Fight

Title: Sometimes We Fight

Author: Geonn

Rating: R

Pairings: Sam/Janet

Warnings: Harsh language, one gratuitously nude butt

Category: Angst, Hurt/Comfort

Disclaimer: These folks don't belong to me. I stole them from MGM's toybox without asking their mommies for permission. I promise to return them more or less unscathed.

Archive: Yes, just let me know where it'll be.

Notes: I know Janet doesn't wear contacts or glasses. Consider this a slight AU in that aspect. The song used is "Angel in My Eyes" by John Michael Montgomery.

Summary: Sam versus Janet.

Sam sat cross-legged on the floor in front of the TV, dressed as comfortably as possible in jeans, socks and a tshirt. She turned the page in the instruction manual and picked up the bulky remote control, aiming it at the thin box sitting on top of the VCR. She smiled as the lights came on and announced it was ready to use. "Score," the blonde whispered, pulling herself to her feet and sticking the plastic back into the empty box the machine had come in.

Cassandra abandoned her post at the front door and said, "She's here," before going upstairs. She didn't want to be caught in the crossfire if Sam's little surprise didn't go over well.

"Crap," Sam hissed, looking at the box. She searched the living room for a convenient place to stow it, but couldn't find one. Closing the flaps, she slid the box across the floor where it settled in the corner. Not hidden, but inconspicuous. Janet came into the house via the front door, putting her keys on the hook next to the door before she began unbuttoning her blouse. Sam intercepted the brunette at the foot of the stairs. "Hon! Hey, how are you?"

Janet forced a smile and started up the stairs. "Beat. I'm going to change," she said, her voice weak and forced.

"Okay. Um... I have something to show you when you come back downstairs, 'kay?"

Janet managed to nod and continued up to their bedroom. Sam frowned at the petite woman's back, then went back into the living room. If Janet was tired, this might not be the ideal time to show her the newest addition to their home entertainment center. But she would see the box eventually... might as well get it out of the way now. Janet came back downstairs a few minutes later in a baggy shirt and a pair of sweatpants that had been in her possession since signing up to the SGC. Her feet were bare and her hair was down. She was wearing the glasses that her eye doctor told her she had to wear to read. She looked nothing like the woman who had gone upstairs a moment before. "What did you wanna show me?" she asked, already eyeing the DVD player. "Sam..."

"Before you get started on..."

"How much did that cost?"

"It was actually very reasonable!" Sam said, hoping she had already thrown away the receipt. "Will you just let me explain how great this thing is?"

Janet crossed her arms across her chest and shifted her weight to her left leg. The foot went 'tap-tap-tap' against the carpet. 'Uh-oh. The countdown stage.' Sam swallowed and said, "This is the Broksonic DVD/VCR combo. It-it'll play DVDs, of course, and audio CDs and MP3s. DVDs, they have better picture and better sound and a lot of them have some amazing special features that will just blow your mind. The VCR plays and records just like a regular VCR; it's got a built-in head-cleaner so no problems with that... um... oh, progressive scan! It's got that. The, uh... it holds two DVDs at once so you can--"

"How much?!"

Sam winced. 'We have liftoff.' She turned and licked her lips. "Really not that much, when you consider how much we *get*."

"Oh, my God," Janet sighed, storming towards the kitchen.

Sam grabbed the brunette, keeping her in the living room. "Janet! Janet... Two-hundred dollars. That's it."

Janet scoffed and pulled away from Sam's grip. "That's *it*? Two-hundred dollars for a... for a movie-watching machine? When do we ever have a chance to watch movies these days, Sam? God, two-hundred... We-we haven't paid the DirecTV bill this month yet. They're going to shut it off again... and the water bill, electric... Sam, did you even *think* before you started drooling?"

"Drooling?"

"Yes, drooling," Janet snapped, turning and going into the kitchen. "You see a gadget and you shell out whatever the seller wants. You don't even bother to shop around, let alone consider if we actually *need* the damned thing. We've got this stupid machine, now what do we watch on it? Movies we don't have? How much do *they* cost, Sam? Twenty, thirty bucks a pop?" She shook her head, her hair trembling around her face. "Damn it, Sam. Take it back."

"Take it back?"

Janet turned and pointed at the DVD player. "Put it in the box, put it in your car and drive back to the store. You think you can handle that? It's not complicated Sam. Take... it... back."

Sam frowned. "I-I can't take it back. It was on sale. No refunds."

Janet turned her back on the Major and went into the kitchen, muttering something about 'unbelievable' and 'stupid moronic ideas.' She proceeded to bang around in the kitchen for a while, then stormed back into the dining room. When she caught sight of Sam, she snapped, "Why? Why would you buy a two-hundred dollar piece of machinery without even *considering* what I would say? How could you do that? Was anything going through that mind of yours? Or were you just thinking that the rest of the world would go along with whatever you decided? God... you're so... so selfish sometimes, Sam!"

"I was thinking about you!" Sam said, now determined not to be Janet's sacrificial lamb. The doctor may be in a bad mood, but she wasn't going to take Sam down with her. "I thought you would enjoy it! Remember last week, you complained about the bad reception on 'Friends'? Well, they have the show on DVD now, so you can just watch it on disc! No bad reception, no commercials..."

Janet slapped some silverware down on the table and went into the kitchen. Sam trailed behind. After a few minutes of silence, Sam sighed, "What do you need help with?"

"Nothing," was the sharp reply.

"C'mon. Let me do something."

Janet turned. "Right now, I can barely stand the sight of you. And I would rather have a dinner that *wasn't* burnt to a crisp or delivered to our door in thirty minutes or less." She clenched her jaw and turned back to the stove. "Go watch one of your goddamn DVDs for all I care."

Sam grit her teeth, her hands balling into fists. While she wanted to scream and yell, while she wanted to duke this out with the brunette, she could feel the tears burning in her eyes. She had never cried during her fights with Jonas; emotions took fights to a whole new, uncomfortable level. Finally, she shook her head and stormed out of the kitchen. Once she was alone, Janet's shoulders sagged and she leaned against the counter, tears burning behind her glasses. She sobbed quietly as she waited for the water to boil.

---

The soundtrack of dinner was simple; forks and knives scraping the plates, half-whispered requests for salt and banal references to Cassie's day at school. After the initial explanation that Miss Torres, the Spanish teacher, was an imbecile, the three women had fallen into a not-quite-comfortable silence. Sam stood twice to get a refill of water, ignoring Janet's half-empty glass as she went. Janet, in turn, went to the fridge for some ketchup and replaced the bottle without asking Sam if she would like any.

Cassandra finished her meal quickly and pushed her plate aside, looking from Sam to Janet questioningly. Finally, she sighed. "Can I be excused?"

"It's *may* you be excused, and no. You have to do your dishes," Janet said. "Rinse 'em off and put them in the dishwasher."

Sam shrugged. "I'll do her dishes with mine."

Janet looked at the blonde with cold eyes. "She'll do her own dishes. It's her responsibility. Go on, Cass."

"I don't see what the big deal is. I don't mind doing her dishes; she can go do something else. Something fun."

"Not everything can be 'fun,' Sam," Janet said, turning her attention to her plate. "Sometimes we have to do things that we don't want to do. Like dishes." She pointed at the plate and stared at Cassandra. "Go. In the kitchen. NOW."

Cassandra picked up her plate and glass and carried them into the kitchen, looking at her mothers like they had grown second heads. Once she was gone, Sam lowered her voice, "It was just a goddamn plate."

"And it was just a goddamn DVD player," Janet said, her voice cold and her gaze focused on her plate.

"This isn't about a fucking--" Cassandra returned to get her silverware and Sam covered the curse with a cough. Once Cassandra was back in the kitchen, Sam continued with a lower voice. "This has nothing to do with the DVD player. What is the matter with you, Janet? You're not yourself today."

"Maybe I'm just sick of throwing money at your toy of the week." Janet punctuated this statement by throwing her napkin onto the table and standing up. She carried her plate into the kitchen, leaving Sam alone.

The blonde leaned back in her chair, chewing on her fingernail. She stared at the napkin sitting in Janet's place at the table. She slapped her hand against the table. "Fuck. *Fuck.*" She shook her head angrily and stared at the remnants of her food, her hand stinging from slapping the table. "Fuck," she whispered.

---

Upstairs, Janet didn't bother to change clothes; she simply crawled under the blankets in the clothes she'd worn to dinner. She rested her glasses on the bedside table and hugged her pillow, staring at the wall next to her side of the bed. She could hear Sam in the bathroom; finishing her shower, brushing her hair and her teeth, using the toilet and finally exiting. Janet was well-acquainted with Sam's ritual and didn't need to turn around. She was wearing a towel around her wet body, her hair combed back against her head. She would walk to the closet - ah, there's the door being opened - and pull out her pajamas.

Once Sam was dressed in the cloud-decorated jammies, she walked to the bed and threw back her side of the blanket. She was about to crawl in when she paused and looked at Janet. "You don't want me to sleep on the couch, do you?"

"No," Janet whispered, her voice a quiet breeze against the pillowcase. "I don't want Cassie to wake up and see you down there. Stay."

Sam slipped down, pulling the blankets up around her shoulders and rolling onto her side. 'Great. Sleep with me so it doesn't look bad to our daughter...' Janet was still curled into a ball on her side, making no move to roll over and embrace the blonde. Sam sighed and rolled over again, now facing the wall. Their backs were facing, something that had never before happened in their relationship. Sam closed her eyes, blinking back tears as she wondered what had really caused Janet's explosion. 'Has this been building and building until it finally exploded in my face? Has this been coming for a long time?' She sighed and reached up, turning off the bedside lamp.

Twenty minutes after turning the lights off, sleep still evaded Sam. She stared at the wall, fighting her body's magnetic urge to roll over and press herself tightly against Janet. Her lips wondered where their good-night kiss was. Her heart was aching in a way it hadn't before. 'This is just a fight,' she told herself. 'All couples have fights. Even perfect couples have fights. Perfect couples like... uh... like, uh... Michael J. Fox and Tracy Pollan.' She chuckled silently at that, covering her mouth with her hand.

She glanced over her shoulder to see if her laugh had woken Janet, but what she saw concerned her more. The brunette's shoulders were shaking and she was holding her hands to her face. She was sobbing, obviously fighting hard to keep her crying silent. Sam's already aching heart exploded and she felt tears spill from her eyes. Instinct brought her hand up and carried it nine tenths of the way to Janet's shoulder. She stopped herself just before she made contact. Everything Janet had said since coming home indicated that she didn't want to be touched... that she wasn't looking for comfort. Dejected, she laid back down. She kept her back to Janet wondering what she had done wrong... and what she could do to fix it.

---

"Sometimes we laugh, sometimes we cry,
Sometimes we fight and we don't know why
But no matter what, she believes in me
She's the closest thing to heaven I'll ever see
She'll always be an angel in my eyes..."

Sam clicked off the clock radio and considered flipping it off for good measure. It was a rare occasion when SG-1 was required to wear their dress uniforms. Today happened to be a year-end review of their service and they were forced to show up in their crisp blue uniforms. She had already put on her shirt and buttoned it, but she could never get her tie just right. She was standing in front of the mirror with nothing on below the waist, her long legs and bare butt sticking out under the hem of her shirt, trying to get the tie to rest just right against her throat.

Janet usually helped her with the tie and had it done in seconds flat. She sighed and decided to leave it for last, pulling a pair of panties from her drawer and pulling them on. Her dress was draped over the foot of the bed (which was unmade for the first time in the three years Sam had been sleeping here) and her shoes and pantyhose were on the floor next to it. Janet was already downstairs, preparing breakfast and preparing to take Cassandra to school.

As she finished dressing, she wondered if she was purposely taking her time in dressing. She wondered if she had just waited until Janet left to go downstairs. 'It's a good idea,' she thought, considering the brunette's attitude the night before. She brushed her face, straightened her dress and went back to the mirror. She got the tie right on the first try and smiled at her reflection. 'Picture perfect.' As she entered the hallway, she heard the garage door rumbling up; Janet was on her way to take Cassandra to school.

Sam considered going to the window to wave good-bye, but decided not to. She poured a bowl of cereal, added some milk and sat down to a solitary, silent breakfast. She wanted to make every bite last. Not because she particularly enjoyed Cheerios, but because she didn't have any idea what she was going to do after she finished. Rinse out the bowl, sure. Lock all the doors and make sure everything was turned off, without a doubt. But from there?

There were two main choices confronting her. On the one hand, she could try to return the DVD player, go to the base, find Janet and apologize. Or two, she could go to the base, hide out in her lab and let Janet sulk for the rest of the day. Doing the former would most likely just gloss over whatever the real problem was. The latter would undoubtedly lead to another fight when they got home. She stared at the spoon, watching as a thin film of milk slid down the face. She sighed and licked it clean, dropping it into her half-empty bowl.

"Maybe I can just stay home and hide under the bed," she murmured, taking her bowl into the kitchen.

---

Getting back into her car, Sam looked in the rearview mirror and sneered at the reflection. She despised herself. She had taken the DVD player back to Circuit City, despite their strict 'no returns' policy and waited until there were only a few people in the Customer Service area. Her Air Force uniform (which probably would have ruined her 'poor pitiful me' routine) was covered by a trenchcoat buttoned all the way up to her neck. She put the player on the counter and smiled at the clerk in the most blonde-bimbo-esque way possible.

She blinked her eyes, forced tears and told the tremendously sympathetic clerk about her husband who had yelled at her for spending so much money. With crocodile tears rolling down her cheeks, she told him that she knew about their no-return policy, but it would be so much better if she could just give the DVD player back.

The guy had heard maybe two of the words she had said, focusing instead on the sparkling blue eyes and the trembling lower lip. 'The bastard thinks I'm married and he's still trying to check me out.' But ten minutes later, she had the two hundred-dollar bills in her hand and the evil DVD player was back on their shelves. Now, all that remained was to find out what was wrong with Janet. What was *really* wrong with her. She sighed, brushed away her tears and pulled out of the parking spot.

---

Sam leaned against the corner of the elevator, watching the numbers tick down. She had already been down the shaft once and was in the middle of her second descent. In this elevator, that was quite an undertaking. She had no idea where she was going... the infirmary had been her destination of choice, but when she had gotten into the car she had hesitated. What if Janet didn't *care* that the DVD player was gone? What if she didn't want to hear Sam's apology? What if she... What if she didn't want to make up?

The elevator doors opened and Captain Flynn stepped inside. She always kind of liked Flynn, despite the fact he was the kind of gung-ho military man her father had warned her about. His head was completely shaved and glistened in the harsh light of the elevator, his goatee pain-stakingly trimmed. "Hello, Major Carter," he said, smiling at her before turning back to the buttons. "You headin' to your lab?"

She shrugged. "I guess so. Eventually. Where are you headed?"

"Research," he said, tapping the files he held. He was about to turn away from her again when he snapped his fingers. "Speaking of the infirmary... you're, uh... you're pretty good friends with Dr. Fraiser, right?"

"Uh-huh," Sam sighed. 'Please don't let this be another request for a hook-up. I swear I'm about to just announce that we're lovers. Were lovers. *ARE* lovers.' She shook her head, clearing it of those thoughts. "Y-yeah, I am. Why?"

He shook his head. "Damn shame what happened yesterday. My heart goes out to the Doc. Was she all right when you saw her?"

Sam straightened. "Um... what happened yesterday?"

Flynn whistled. "She didn't tell you? Guess she was just too... I dunno." He shrugged.

Sam stepped forward, turning him around. "Captain, tell me what happened yesterday. Did something happen to Janet? Something happen in the infirmary? What?"

He held up his hands to fend her off. "Whoa, hold off, Major! It's just..." He sighed, the cueball of his head dropping slightly and his broad shoulders sagging. "Lieutenant O'Hara lost the baby."

"Oh, my God," Sam whispered, stepping back. "How? H-how did it happen?"

Flynn straightened the collar of his jumpsuit. Sam could swear the man's eyes were wet, but he turned so quick she couldn't be sure. "She was off-world with SG-7. Some sort of diplomatic talk went bad. I don't know all the details, but there was some kind of ambush the diplomats weren't prepared for and she got hurt. Hurt bad. Dr. Fraiser tried her best, but I heard that she had to choose between saving the baby and the mother. I feel sorry for anyone who has to make that choice... But, is she all right?"

"She..." Sam closed her eyes. "No. She's not all right."

"God. Tell 'er we're all feelin' for her, all right?" The elevator doors opened and Flynn stepped out, holding the door for her. "You comin'? Your lab is on this floor, right?"

Sam hit another button. "Yeah, it is... but I'm going to the infirmary."

---

Janet looked down at the open file on her desk and shook her head. Michael and Melissa O'Hara had been trying to have a baby for two years. Michael was a teacher, high school English. Judging by the picture, he was attractive; short brown hair, rimless glasses and a thin face. Melissa O'Hara was beautiful; green eyes, black hair and a smile that curled her lips upward and inward. In the picture, Melissa had both hands on her stomach and was smiling proudly. 'Celebrating the baby that I let die.' She brushed her eyes and shook her head, fighting the tears she knew were coming.

Michael had been in earlier to visit his wife. Fortunately for Janet, Dr. Warner had been on-duty then. She didn't have to face his sad eyes... didn't have to see him sitting by his unconscious wife's bedside. The damn Stargate and the damn SG teams and the damn Goa'uld and DAMN SAM for going through. She shook her head angrily. How could she ever relax knowing that Sam's job - HER JOB!! - was to go through the Stargate and fight a battle against the most terrible enemy this world had ever known.

Janet pinched the bridge of her nose and shook her head. It was bad enough there was a chance that Sam would die; but Janet might have ruined whatever chances they had to live the rest of their lives in happiness. 'You were so scared that something would happen to her that you let yourself ruin the best relationship you've ever had.'

Behind her closed eyes, she saw herself again standing over Melissa O'Hara's battered body when she realized she had a choice to make. An awful, terrible choice that no person should ever be forced to make. Melissa was alive, but at the cost of her child's life. Janet picked up her pen and scribbled on a piece of paper, drawing obscure circles and shapes as she thought about what she should do. Resign? Then the decisions would belong to someone else and she would be free to love Sam. But she would never last without a job.

So she was stuck. Stuck in a job where she might one day be forced to make a life-altering decision concerning Sam. Could she handle that? Could she ever look down at Sam's dying body and make such an important call? Did she *want* to be able to separate herself so thoroughly from her emotions? The night before, she had tried to think outside her emotions and that had led to one of the worst fights she'd ever had with someone.

Looking back, she really couldn't recall anything *really* bad being said... but it felt like she had thrown her heart through a sheet of glass. She bit her lip and wondered what Sam was up to. Was she stewing in her lab? Screaming at the mirror? Sitting in a meeting and ignoring every word being said? She sighed and stood up. She had to find Sam. She had to apologize; tell her what had happened and what she was going through. Sam was smart, she would understand.

Making her final decision, she walked around her desk and hurried to the door. The year-end reviews weren't scheduled to begin for another fifteen minutes. She had time to find Sam and tell her that she had been wrong. She pulled the door open and stepped into the hall between her office and the infirmary.

Sam was standing there, her hand stretching towards the doorknob. "Janet," the blonde breathed.

Janet stopped, eyes wide. She stepped back, bringing her feet together and letting her eyes trail down the other woman's body. It was rare to see Sam in a dress uniform. She looked so beautiful... so professional. So...

"Captain Flynn told me," Sam whispered. "Baby, I am so sorry."

Janet's tears flowed freely down her face as she fell into Sam's arms, holding the other woman tight. She sobbed loudly, letting Sam cup the back of her head and lead her back into the office. As the door closed, she listened to Sam's quiet 'shh, it's okay, it's all right, you can cry, sweetheart' and felt herself being lowered onto the couch. Sam continued to hold her, whisper to her and comfort her. "Your review," Janet managed between sobs.

"I talked to Colonel O'Neill and he convinced General Hammond moved them to tomorrow. I'm here for you, baby. Let it out. I'm so sorry."

Janet curled against Sam, letting go of everything she had been holding in. This is what she should've done last night, DVD player or no DVD player. She clutched Sam's lapels and kissed the blonde's cheek, pressing her forehead against the taller woman's. "I love you so much. Stay here? All day?"

"I'm here, honey. As long as you need me, I'm right here."

End