Title: Scorched Heart

Author: Geonn

Email: neil_j_miser@yahoo.com

Rating: PG

Pairings: Sam/Janet

Category: Drama, Angst, H/C

Website: www.realmoftheshadow.com/geonn.htm

Disclaimer: These folks don't belong to me. I stole them from MGM's toybox without asking their mommies for permission. I promise to return them more or less unscathed. I don't own nothin' except for the characters you don't recognize.

Spoilers: "Scorched Earth," "Singularity," "Divide & Conquer"

Archive: Yes, just let me know where it'll be.

Notes: Set after the events of "Scorched Earth."

Summary: Sam lets her walls down in one place and one place only...

Janet was in the kitchen making dinner: spaghetti and meatballs. She was an excellent cook.

Cassandra was upstairs on the computer, typing a report for one of her classes. She was a straight-A student.

Sam was on another world, preparing to destroy an entire race with something she created. She was a good soldier.

---

In the kitchen of her quaint little farmhouse, Janet Fraiser could do no wrong. Lasagna never got burnt. Toast was golden brown. She was, in the best sense of the word, a domestic goddess. She started the night's dinner - Hamburger Helper, by request of Cassandra - and picked up the novel she had been reading. It was a spy drama set in the days just after WWII had been declared and she was devouring every word of it. Intrigue, danger, sex... it had a little bit of everything. She hummed to herself as she danced around the kitchen, wishing her dancing partner were here.

As if hearing her plea, the front door slammed shut. "Sam?" she asked, leaving the kitchen and heading towards the front of the house. "That you?"

Samantha Carter was standing in the entry hall, her jacket dangling from her fingers and her eyes staring at the floor a few feet in front of her. She was frozen. 'Oh, no,' Janet thought. She'd seen this before. She hurried to the foyer and embraced the tall blonde, holding her tightly against the coming flood of emotions.

After a few seconds, Sam's trembling voice said, "Oooh, my God!"

Janet closed her eyes. She might not know the particulars, but this had happened once or twice in the past. Something that Sam had been ordered to do had broken her heart. She remembered holding Sam all night when she had been ordered to leave Cassandra behind in the bomb shelter. That had turned out all right, but Sam hated herself for a long time because she had actually locked a defenseless young girl in a bomb shelter and left. But she had gone back... she had risked her own life to make sure Cassandra wasn't alone. It had been the same when she had been forced to shoot Martouf in the Gate Room and countless other times in the past four years.

"Let it out," Janet whispered against Sam's shoulder.

Sam closed her eyes, clutching to Janet like a life preserver. "The ship... an entire race of people on that ship. And Colonel O'Neill, Colonel O'Neill ordered me to blow it up using a naquadah reactor." She wept quietly for a long time, then she repeated, "A naquadah reactor! *I* created it! As a power source! And he used it as a bomb! M-maybe the Tollan are right and we *are* going to blow ourselves out of the sky!"

Cassandra started downstairs, but saw the tableau taking place in the entry hall. Janet put a finger to her lips, keeping the girl quiet, and motioned upstairs. Cassie nodded and disappeared once more. Sam hadn't seen her. "It's okay, Sam... just let yourself go."

She led the blonde to the couch and helped her lay down. Sam curled into a ball and rested her head on Janet's lap. She covered her face with both hands and started to sob quietly. Janet rested her hands on Sam's back, making slow circles over the other woman's shoulderblades. She began to sing quietly. She wasn't sure of the lyrics of the song, so she hummed a lot of it. Sam didn't mind. Cassandra reappeared and pointed to the kitchen, short-hand that she would take care of dinner. Janet mouthed 'thank-you' and said, "C'mon, Sam. Let's get you upstairs."

Sam stood on shaky legs and blindly let Janet lead her upstairs. In their bedroom, Janet closed the door and led Sam to the bed. After days like this one had obviously been, the Major moved like she was in a daze; unable to move or deal with life on her own. And the doctor in Janet took over. She sat Sam on the bed and knelt, untying her lover's shoes and slipping them off, peeling the socks away and tucking them inside. She unbuttoned Sam's blouse and helped her take off her bra. When Janet undid the snap on Sam's jeans, the blonde lifted her hips and helped Janet slid the denim down.

Once Sam was in her panties, Janet went to the bathroom and wet a handtowel. She came back and ran it over her friend's breasts, taking care of all the grime and dirt from the day. She tenderly cleaned Sam's face and then ran a hand through her longish blonde hair. "Are you okay?" she whispered.

"Yeah," Sam said, her voice nearly inaudible.

"Do you wanna talk about it?" she asked. She knew that SG-1 had been visiting the Enkarans, but knew relatively nothing about the mysterious ship that had interrupted the festivities.

Sam shook her head and said, "No." She took a deep breath, then broke down and began to explain everything. "They were called the Gad-Meer," she said, her voice low. She proceeded to tell Janet everything; about the Enkarans refusing to leave, O'Neill asking Lotan to spare them, the order he had given to turn the naquadah reactor into a bomb... everything.

As Sam replayed the mission, Janet helped the blonde prepare for bed. She picked up Sam's nightshirt and helped her put it on. She laid Sam down on the mattress, gently pushing both of her shoulders down and pulled the blanket up to the blonde's chin. She smoothed Sam's hair before kissing her forehead and lips. When Janet pulled back, Sam asked, "Do you love me no matter what I do?"

"No matter what," Janet said firmly and without hesitation, her eyes burning.

"Even though I almost killed an entire race of peaceful people?"

Janet shook her head. "Not you, Sam. Never."

Sam began to cry and Janet embraced her, kissing away her tears. "Why?" Sam asked, her voice hoarse. "Why do you love someone who can... who can destroy an entire race?"

"I love you, Sam," Janet said, "because it affects you. You're heartbroken because you *almost* killed them." She finger-brushed Sam's hair and said, "If you had come home tonight, sat at the dinner table and ate without any problem, then I would be worried. You're human and you're a soldier. Jack O'Neill once said that being a soldier meant doing some 'damned distasteful things.' But you did it. You could've blown up that ship, Sam. But you wouldn't have been doing it maliciously. You would've been doing it to save the Enkarans. You've done nothing to be ashamed of, Sam." She kissed her again and said, "Will you sleep for a while? I'll keep your dinner warm for you?"

Sam nodded. "Thank you, Janet."

"For what?"

"For loving me."

Janet smiled. "Easiest job in the world, beautiful. Now, get some rest."

When Sam fell asleep, she had no nightmares of exploding ships. Naquadah reactors didn't enter into her dreams at all. She dreamt of Janet Fraiser, hamburger-flavored kisses and soft lips kissing away her tears.

~ END ~