Title: "Legends of Kennedy High: The Chase"
Rating: G - No cursing, no explicit violence, no sex.
Disclaimer: I don't own this, don't profit from this nor seek any kind of monetary gains from this work. The creative content however, is mine! :) (well, hopefully...)
Also, they so would have hooked up. Why, oh, why would anyone ever cancel it if not for that very reason?
Summary: Brooke gets a wonderful idea and tells Nicole all about it. Nicole takes action to prevent consquequense, and every action subsequently delivers insane reaction.
Author's note: I started out thinking I'd write something serious, instead it turned into something insane. Either way, I couldn't just delete it. Has been updated a number of times since it's first posting, but basically the same. Enjoy, and remember to feed the writer.
The general populace of Kennedy High had, over the course of a few years, grown surprisingly hardened to the most unusal occurences. A tide of large, monstrous or gargantuan battles between the popular and less popular cliques, whose casts every bystander knew by heart, had ironed away any doubts anyone would ever harbor about who it could possibly be about today. Whoever, it'd be one of them.
Today, it was Nicole. Not as much a surprise in itself, but this time it was noteworthy for other than violent reasons. Though violence did occur, Nicole was making her way at breakneck speed through the corridors of the school. Mindlessly grabbing innocents who just happened to be in her way, the painfully attractive blonde managed - with no little amount of glee - to knock down even more bystanders as her fleshy obstacles - turned airborne objects - flew into them. Even when on a mission of some priority, everyone knew that Nicole could be counted on to dozy out the suffering in fair amounts without even thinking about it. The student body relied on it as a semblance of normalcy.
The normality was broken when Nicole noticed the table at which Carmen and Lily had spread out assorted materiel of poster-making, and headed straight for it. Not with an evil grin, that was never out of place, but with a look of urgency.
"Lily, Carmen!" Nicole slowed down from urgent rampage to feral prowl. Carmen and Lily asserted with a nod that they were the targets of the moment. Lily turned to face the onslaught.
"No, Nicole, we..." she hesitated, "Wait a minute, did you just call us by our real names?"
Nicole paused for a moment in consideration.
"Quite." she said, "Very well. Tubby and Teeny."
Carmen and Lily glared appropriately. "Fine." Lily said. "Bit weak, but it'll do."
"You mean Spam." Carmen corrected. Lily appropriated her glare towards Carmen for a second.
"Yes, Spam." Nicole corrected herself. "Where is she?"
"Why would we tell you?" Lily wondered, weary of Nicole's uncontrolled behaviour.
"It's in your best interest to let me know, trust me." She replied, constantly looking around to see if Sam was anywhere near.
"Since when are you trustworthy?"
"Since Brooke tells me everything!" Nicole walked up to Lily and almost, just almost, grabbed her by the neck. Her most likely razorsharp nails an inch away from what would probably be some good fun, Nicole withdrew. "Fine, I'll just tell you... You know it's Spam's birthday today, right?"
Lily and Carmen glanced down at the table. Posters lay there. They said 'Happy Birthday, Samantha'. Exclamation points were involved. So was glitter and stark, vivid colours.
"Ah." Nicole duly noted their irony. She vowed they'd pay for it later. "Well... Brooke told me she had this idea..."
"I don't like the sound of this." Lily exclaimed.
"You won't like it when I make my point, either, Esposito!" Nicole hurried on, "SO, let me tell you in Neanderthal, as to make myself perfectly clear. Brooke get idea. Brooke like idea. Nicole disagree. Brooke ignore Nicole. Brooke go home to Palace to clean Spam's room!"
Carmen inhaled dramatically. "Oh, my God!"
Lily was already on her way in a hurry. Being quick both in feet and mind, she realised that since time was short and people were plenty, she'd better clear the way further down the hall. She noticed a familiar face further up.
"Josh, honey!!" She shouted down the hall as she zigzagged, rolled, crawled and jumped her way through crowds of students who weren't as weary of her as they were of Nicole Julian.
Josh Ford; King of The Football Team, and Dutiful Boyfriend, immediately responded. "Yes, Lily?"
"Clear the halls, I need to get to Sam. It's Very Important!"
Josh Ford may be a relatively dumb jock, but he certainly could note when a Girlfriend used Capital Letters. If unheeded, the Capital Words would lead to relationship Capital Punishment. No Smoochies. Red Alert! Action had to be taken, immediately.
"Hooyah!" The Football Team responded in unison and rose en masse, to do their ringleaders bidding without hesitation, doubt or consideration of consuequence.
"Offense, offense, offense!!" Said Josh, pointing in a very General MacArthur way, "Clear the halls, to the Zapruder!!"
Josh Ford called on all of his Captainy skills and most charismatically dispatched his entire, fortunately wholly assembled football team in groups of three or four. He used short sentences and lightweight vocabulary as to not complicate matters or confuse his team. Sugar Daddy went first, of course, and the rest finally summoned up to form the V of a crowd-dispersing tool. They could have formed a more humane shape, like a Z, allowing for lenient handling of the crowd, but there was no margin for something so time-consuming as mercy. Josh and Lily followed up behind them. Lily in relief of how much time this would save her, and Josh in happiness of future smooch; now guaranteed.
Now, only a minority of all the other students had been witness to this, so for those who strolled peacefully along the halls further into the school, a Surprise was on its way. Coming around a corner, minding his own business and tending to some rather appealing daydreams, Harrison John froze in capital Horror. For there came the entire football team, rumbling down upon all in their way. He noted that A) he was in their way and that B) several unfortunate students who'd been in the very same situation before him were now attached in one way or another to the bulk of Sugar Daddy, along with C) there was nowhere to go. Harrison acted on a survival instinct many a scrawny student in the school had chosen to forget, and immediately crammed himself into a nearby locker, just in time. Through the gaps in the locker he could then notice Josh, carrying Lily in a manly fashion, running up after the team and looking quite pleased with himself. Then came Nicole, striding in majestic confidence over the strewn about bodies of the unfortunate. Carmen kind of half-jogged, half walked nervously after Nicole, carefully avoiding to step on the wounded. Moments after that came Mary Cherry. Huffing and puffing, she stopped to breath every now and then.
"Hey... huuu... Nicole!" More heavy breathing, "Wa.. wait up, y'all..."
* * *
Meanwhile, at the Palace.
"Hey, what's this?" Brooke said to herself, reaching deep under Sam's bed. Behind a very impressive pile of books, dustballs and print-outs of old homework, Brooke noticed a pristine black box. She reached for it. Cue ominous soundtrack.
* * *
Meanwhile, back in the school, Sam McPherson could hear mysterious rumblings. Was it an earthquake, perhaps? A riot? Bio-Glass taking a jog through the school corridors?
Alas, it was neither.
From outside the doors of the Zapruder office, Sam heard shouting. Shouting and what seemed, unlikely as it was, like General MacArthur barking orders. It went something like:
"A door!" Not the general.
"It opens inwards, it could be locked!" Not the general this time either, but a girl in remarkable distress.
Now the voice of the general, quite excitedly. "Break it down!"
Then, more voices, many voices, perfectly attuned and excited voices. "Break, break, break!"
Much like a rookie marine on a field of war for the first time, Sam wondered one second too much. Then it was too late, and the door fell inside. It made splintery noises of door-pain for a little while. Sam ducked behind her desk. Dust danced with an assortment of paper for a few silent seconds after that, and Sam cautiously peeked back up. There in the dusted streams of light stood Sugar Daddy, covered in splinters, old articles, people and half a door. Behind him, The Football Team, defying the laws of physics as they all fit comfortably inside the office.
"Erh... hey, SD."
"Yo." SD shrugged once, and the splinters, old articles, people and the door fell off of him.
"Okay... hey, guys." Sam nodded to the team.
"Oy!" They cheered as one, and in Scottish, and raised their arms with perfect coordination to wave hello in a certifiably macho way.
Lily came rushing into the office, looking one time to the left, and one time to the right before homing in on Sam, striding up to her friend and grabbing her shoulders forcefully to make a point.
"Sam!" She yelled in Sam's face. "Brooke is cleaning your room, as a birthday gift!"
"Are you joking?" Naturally, all this had to be a prank. Such a potential nightmare could only be joked about.
Enter Nicole. "No, it's true."
"Like I would believe you, Satan." Sam replied confidently, arms crossed.
Enter Carmen. "Sam, it's really true..."
Enter Mary Cherry, short of breath. "Nicole, why are we here... haven't... you told Sam yet?"
Sam looked at Carmen, then Mary Cherry, and finally realised that it was no joke. "Oh, no..."
"Oh, yes." Said Nicole. Not smirking or anything.
Sam looked at Lily. "You mean... she's..."
Lily spared no time for apparent sentiments, but turned once more to her beloved boyfriend - Josh Ford - and presented him with The Look.
Josh Ford may be a relatively dumb jock, but he knew perfectly well when the girlfriend gave the boyfriend The Look. If unheeded, The Look would lead to relationship Capital Punishment. No Smoochies. Red Alert! Action had to be taken, immediately. Again. Everyone was already looking at him with expectation. Even the strewn about extras on the floor.
"To the cars! Hut, hut, hut!"
Thus; The Football Team, instantaneously in coordinated action, "Hep-hep-hep-hep-hep..."
Meanwhile, out in the hallway, Harrison John had finally managed release from his safe spot within the confines of a locker. With a satisfied smile he slammed the door shut, and turned around. That was his first mistake.
"Sam?" He looked up wondrously at Sam, who was sitting on the shoulders of Sugar Daddy, who yet again piloted The Football Team through the school. Harrison was amazed and in awe, this was his second mistake.
"Out of our way, Harrison!" Sam yelled.
"But, what's going on?" Harrison wondered. This was his third, and final, mistake. He managed to just barely dodge away from the Titan that was SD, but George hit him full-on, lifted him with ease and processed him further into the crowd dispersing machine. Afterwards, before he fell into wonderful unconsciousness, he noticed again the followers of The Team; Josh carrying Lily, Nicole reveling in the carnage, Carmen twitching at said carnage and Mary Cherry still struggling with poor stamina, ignorant of how the carnage could be out of the ordinary at all.
* * *
Back at the Palace - in Sam's room - Brooke sat on the floor in the middle of Sams vast pile of Stuff. She was reading intently. She knew she shouldn't be reading this, but after the first few words it'd been impossible to put down.
"Oh, my God..." Tears began running down Brookes face.
* * *
Principal Hall, with the backing of years worth of experience, had absolutely no worries about her decisions in Kennedy High. A wall covered in awards, honoraries and diplomas certified she knew the business and knew it well. Once, a few years ago, she'd even been offered the near mythical position as Principal of Sunnydale High School. That would've been a challenge, but seeing as not only the local media, but the highschool and college newspapers as well all ran daily obituaries, Cecilia Hall had accepted position in Kennedy instead. Challenges were offered around here in just the right amount to not worry her. Like the parking situation, which she was supervising right now. A squad car had been called in, along with several men in orange vests with the appropriate heavy machinery and you-lazy-bastard attitudes. Roadblocks had been set up. All this in an effort to finally collect the innumerable parking tickets due from this particular area, and also to make an example of Nicole Julian's haphazardly parked Jaguar. That fine piece of machinery currently resided next to the parking lot, at the end of several skidmarks in the grass.
Suddenly a majority of the workers, and the police officers, paused and turned to look at something noteworthy coming from behind the Principal. In turn, Principal Hall took note of the looks and thought to herself while pinching her nose in expectation, 'I bet myself a gallon of ice-cream that this somehow involves either Samantha McPherson, Nicole Julian or Brooke McQueen.' - '...with a bonus of creamy chocolate sauce if it's all three.'
Then she turned around. 'Damn,' she concluded, 'no chocolate sauce.'
But it was almost just as worthy. She counted the entire football team, for starters, performing finer teamwork then they'd ever do again. Upon one, Michael Bernardino, sat Samantha McPherson, ready to dismount at a moments notice. By the looks of it, she was the first to realise what was happening before them. Josh Ford, with the help of Lily Esposito on his shoulders, made way through the football team and flanked McPherson and Bernardino. Violent conversation ensued, finally directed at Principal Hall herself.
"What is this?" Wondered McPherson, loudly, and with arm gestures to boot.
Looking up at her calmly and shielding her eyes from the sun, Principal Hall replied:
"This is a disciplinary action taken in order to finally put an end to the disorder that the entire student body regards as valid parking etiquette. Everyone who wants to leave will have to sign a..."
"Who cares!?" Lily Esposito had swiftly assessed the situation and had come to numerous facts. Most importantly, the roadblocks did not apply to Nicole's Jag. "To the Jaguar!"
"To the Jaguar!" Confirmed Josh Ford, from below his commander.
"To the Jaguar!" Cheered the football team, and they all efficiently dispersed around and past Principal Hall before she could react. Afterwards she faced Nicole Julian, Carmen Ferrara and Mary Cherry.
"What!? No, leave my Jag alone you miscreants!" Nicole Julian sped away to hinder the crimes being commited to her shiny and expensive property.
"Hi, Principal Hall." Said Ferrara, following the livid cheerleader. "Bye, Principal Hall."
Mary Cherry, seemingly in short supply of oxygen, resented to natures demands and finally sat down. On the ground.
"Ah, no! Mah dress..." She retrieved a cellphone from her purse.
* * *
The group on a mission quickly relented to the fact that Nicole Julian controlled the Jaguar by means of the keys. Nicole, on her part, relented to the fact that she was outnumbered and sat down in the drivers seat.
Josh Ford, naturally in command of Lily's person, dropped her carefully into the backseat. Sam was in the front passenger seat, already exchanging snide remarks with the driver, Nicole.
"Great, McFearsome, due to your ass having sat there I now have to total the car."
"Shut up, Satan, just drive!"
"Just you wait."
"Why are you even helping me?"
"Because I know everything."
Nicole grabbed Sam by the neck and pulled her over, quickly muttering a few well chosen sentiments and facts straight into the brain of her most loathsome enemy. Sam, in turn, gasped at the revelations, gasped again at the facts and finally gasped some more because of the marks Nicole's nails left in her neck.
In a flurry of barely coordinated actions the remaining two seats were filled with Josh, Carmen, George and an assorted number of football players. As a result, Lily escaped the mass of male bodies and ended up in Sam's lap. Carmen, however, suddenly found herself surrounded by plenty chunks o' hunk. She couldn't have been happier.
Nicole reached over to the glove compartment and pulled out a fine set of sunglasses, quickly donning them. The group of people in the car also noted how the ferocious blonde un-clipped the entire steering wheel and, taking out a new one from under the seat, replaced it with... something that made a steering wheel look like a hippo. Revving her engine and glowing with a feral grin, Nicole Julian triggered absolute fear in every person located in the vehicle. It was too late to flee, however, and the Jaguar - plus far too many passengers, not all of them sitting down - burnt a full one-eighty in the grass and sped away, dropping two football players as it did so. Still, it was crowded.
Sugar Daddy, humbly accepting his role as non-passenger, found himself the center of attention. The remnants of The Football Team, including the two ex-passengers, all looked to him for guidance. What to do, what to do?
Looking around he observed and considered the facts and the cast. Several roadblocks. One angry Principal. Stunned police officers, just now realising the something illegal had occured in the Jaguar. Cars that couldn't be used due to roadblocks. Amused men in orange vests. Trucks with concrete roadblocks in them. A schoolbus. A schoolbus devoid of all other hindrances.
"Yo, all." SD said, pointing. "We snatch the schoolbus!"
Cheers all around. Except by the principal, who were thinking rash and serious thoughts.
* * *
This was the beginning of a Kennedy High legend. It would be spoken of for decades, and the names of all involved immortalized by their occurence in police reports that had, somehow, found their way into the public. Witnesses, for there were many witnesses, reported that they'd seen the entire spectacle en-route. The most favored story had been told by a nobody who suddenly become somebody since he'd seen The Chase.
At full speed, burning rubber and screeching round the streetcorners, came the first vehicle. By Kennedy social code, it had to be noted how ridiculously cool the driver looked, and was. This was of course none other than Nicole Julian, aka Satan. Two girls sat in the passenger seat. They were screaming in fear. In the backseat stood - yes, they were all standing, due to high cramming of space - half a football team, one football captain and Carmen Ferrara. They were also all screaming in fear. By way of noise it began with a rumbling of the engine, followed by the screeching of the tires, finally ending with screams of terror going that-a-way.
Then came the police. Nothing new there.
Then came a schoolbus, driven by none other than a madly grinning Michael 'Sugar Daddy' Bernardino, and filled with the rest of the football team, lots of men in orange vests and one very scared actual schoolbus driver. All of them, excepting the driver but including the men in orange vests, cheering wildly in appreciation of this wild adventure.
Followed by a limousine. Sticking out from the sun-roof was Mary Cherry, holding a cell-phone:
"Ah know, ah never would'a thought... oh, yes, ah know!!" The blonde gossiped, laughed, giggled and looked fabulous simultaneously. A rare gift.
Finally, a truck with roadblock material. Creatively aquisitioned by Principal Cecilia Hall.
* * *
Brooke McQueen; in the Palace. Using her most secret but well developed ability to scour large quantities of text and remembering everything, aka speed-studying, she had scoured the large quantity of papers in the box in search of more material concerning a revelation she'd just read about. Having found it, and read it, she now sat defeated in Samantha's room, waging a futile war with her emotions.
She should just forget all about this. Carefully replace all the mess and pretend she'd never entered Sam's room in the first place. Sam was in school. Sam wasn't here. Good thing, because if she were Brooke would surely kiss the brunette while at the same time beg forgiveness for reading her most private thoughts put to print.
"She... I..." Brooke crumpled some of the papers she was holding, the complete story of Samantha McPherson. Everything in her life. More importantly, her secrets and secret desires. Of which Brooke McQueen was one; the most important one.
This was a disaster. If Sam found out Brooke even knew about this box everything would be ruined. At the same time it was a dream come true.
"Okay," Brooke told herself, though still out loud, "I can fix this. I'll put everything back, pretend it never happened and maybe, just maybe, tell Sam about it in forty years or so when we're married and have lots of children... Yeah, that's what I'll do..."
Then she heard the Jaguar. She knew it was a Jaguar, she knew that Jaguar. There was also screaming, but that was less relevant than the car.
"Nicole?" She walked over to the window, opened it up and suddenly her eyes were the size of saucers.
In came the Jaguar, violently drifting down the street to make a perfect, well balanced and professionally performed complete messy ending in the lawn of the Palace. Finally able to flee, a good part of the football team did so, spilling out of and around the car. Carmen followed, firmly attached to her new favourite hunk but just as dizzy as he was. Samantha had already darted out and away from the car, into the Palace and was currently coming up the stairs. Brooke barely had time to notice the police cruiser, the schoolbus, the limo and the truck before her mind took over and reminded her that A)Samantha's box is still out in the open and B)Samantha is in the room.
"Oh, God." They both said, having looked from the box to each other several times, each separate glance containing more revelations then could ever have been said in words.
* * *
Down below, on the lawn, chaos ensued. The police - finally clear with the fact that arrestees were in their vicinity - started arresting everyone. No one who'd been in the Jaguar protested - except Nicole - because they were all lying on the ground trying in earnest to forget the last five minutes of their lives. The schoolbus emptied, and the football team assembled in full on the lawn, disrupting the arresting procedures. Mary Cherry arrived in her limousine. Principal Hall arrived in 'her' truck. The men in orange vests from the schoolbus immediately started arguing over her having stolen one of their trucks. The police officers called for back-up. Much back-up.
Just then, Mike McQueen and Jane McPherson came driving up the street. They were faced with a sight far worse than that of a little itty bitty Christmas party.
With a certain measure of authority, Mike McQueen walked up to one of the officers.
"What's going on here, officer?" He asked, "I live here, this is my property."
"There's been a car-chase, sir." Said the police officer, then realised what he'd just said and quickly initiated evasive maneuvers, "We... eh, we're handling the situation... sir."
"Then why," Mike queried, and pointed to the door of his house, "are several of my daughters friends entering my house right now? With handcuffs?"
Jane and Mike both decided to ignore the young officer and take a hold of the situation themselves. It was more than likely to involve their daughters. On their way inside they agreed that Nicole, Mary Cherry, Carmen, Josh, Lily and The Football Team had all walked into their house. Some of them with handcuffs, some of them without and Mary Cherry had been holding a glass of champagne and a cellphone.
From upstairs, a loud shouting match had erupted. In Sam's room. When Mike walked into the scene he could to little but freeze and stop thinking for a while. For the sake of convenience, and mental survival, and parental principle. Jane did the same when she walked up behind Mike. This did not stop the kids from talking, all at the same time. Mike, being a business-man of some import, recapped what he'd heard in his mind while counting to ten and ignoring how more than twenty people could fit into Sam's room. It'd been something like:
Nicole: *scream of terror* followed by *outcry of anger*
Sugar Daddy: "Yo, that's hot."
The Football Team: *agreeably * - "Mmhmm."
Carmen and Mary Cherry; concurrently: "Oh, my Gawd!"
Lily: *with severe meaningfullness.* - "Josh..."
Josh; again: "Yes, dear. I know, dear. I love you, dear."
Nicole: "Damnit, too late..."
Enter: The Parentals.
Brooke and Sam: *kissing*
Brooke and Sam's friends: Shouting and conversing incoherently. Mild violence involved.
Mike's inner thoughts: Observe --> [Brooke and Sam: *kissing*] - Reaction: Fatherly advice... no. Parental punishments... no. Talk to wife... yes. Get everyone out of here... Oh, Yes. He chose his victim.
Josh Ford may be a relatively dumb jock, but he knew perfectly well when A Father gave him A Look. If unheeded, The Look would lead to Severe Implications. Action had to be taken, immediately. Again.
"I'm on it, sir." He said, nodding securely to Mr. McQueen. "Team!"
"Captain!" The team responded, vigorously, and in unison.
"Get everyone not living here outside, now, now, now!"
And thus endeth the legend, as the public ear would know it. The football team took hold of Nicole Julian, Mary Cherry, Lily and Carmen and carried them out of the house and into the clutches of many, many nervous police officers. Mike and Jane remained in the room. After that weekend, the entire world of Kennedy High changed forever. Brooke McQueen and Samantha McPherson came out, got together and continued their lives happily. The amount of arguing never diminished, though they often came to an agreeable compromise. Sometimes it involved smoochies. For the population of Kennedy High, this was close enough to normalcy - so they accepted it, with some compromise involved. Still, there's a story to everything...