Little Souvenir

Fandom: Popular

Series: Scenes from an Italian Restaurant

Title: Little Souvenir

Author: Carla

Pairing: N/C

Rating: PG-13

Disclaimers: Well seeing as how I am not now, nor have I ever been, Ryan Murphy or Touchstone Television, I feel safe in stating that I do not own Popular or any of the characters from the show that may appear in this fic. I do however own the ideas behind it and the original characters portrayed within.

Archiving: This fic and all the others in this series can be found at http://www.realmoftheshadow.com/carla.htm

Author’s Notes: This fic follows Summer School and Evolution of the Roman Holiday in the series timeline. It’s also totally un-beta-ed therefor any and all mistakes are mine and mine alone. I take full credit for them.

If you are so inclined as to give me feedback I am inclined to respond to it. Feedback the good the bad and the ugly may be sent to me on list or directly at cmfloresfd@yahoo.com

Part One

Two weeks without you

Thought I’d forget

Three weeks without you

And I still haven’t gotten over you yet.

- Vacation, The Go-Gos

Carmen pulled to a stop outside of Andrea’s apartment building. She checked her watch, fifteen minutes early, so she turned off the ignition and reclined her seat back so that she could take a brief nap. She was just starting to drift off when there was a tap on her window. She thumbed the automatic lock, returning her seat to the upright position as Andrea got in the car.

"Thanks for giving me a lift, the guy at the garage said my car won’t be ready for a few days maybe a week."

"No problem."

"So are you psyched or what first day of school, God it’s always nerve wracking."

"A little nervous, yeah. How was your visit with your folks?"

"Okay. My sister Mindy got engaged so my mother’s in a tizzy about that. Which worked out great for me because now Mindy gets to be the focus of all of Mom’s attention for the next couple of months."

"She’s your older sister right?"

"Yeah Danielle’s the baby. I’ll tell you who I really feel sorry for it’s her. Mindy gets to go to her own house where she can turn off the phone and get away from that harpy but Dani…poor girl she’s only 15. Another two years at least before she can get away."

"You know I’ve met your mother and I think you’re exaggerating."

"No Carm trust me the woman is a psycho. She hides it well in front of others but trust me. Anyway what did you guys do? You go anywhere? I bet Nicole was really surprised when you showed up."

"Yeah you could say that."

"What does that mean, she didn’t…nah not Nic…she wasn’t "entertaining" someone, that guy Paul was she?"

"NO!" Carmen shot her passenger a dirty look, "Why would you think that?"

"Well I dunno I mean you…Mauricio…I don’t know it’s not that far fetched an idea. I mean frankly, if you were my girlfriend I probably would have just to get back at you. And well Paul was living there all summer, let’s face it he’s a hottie."

"Drea, Nic and Paulie did not sleep together alright."

"Alright. So have you heard from him?"

"Who?"

"Mauricio, who else?"

Carmen turned into the school parking lot, "No of course not. I never even gave him my number here." She parked the Land Rover and they got out of the car. "Besides it was just for the summer and he knew that."

"So how come you sound…you sound almost like you’re disappointed?"

"I guess I am sort of."

"What do you mean?’

"I miss him. I miss my friend. I can’t stop thinking about him, about the summer all of it."

"Carmen…"

"I just want to talk to him, hear how he’s doing, tell him what’s going on with me."

"Is that really all you want?"

Carmen ignored the question and continued walking towards the Student Union where they were supposed to be meeting their friends Sylvia and Jeff.

"Carmen," Andrea stopped dead in her tracks, grabbing the taller girl’s forearm to prevent her from walking away. "Carmen?"

"What?"

"Is that all you really want?" Andrea tried to catch Carmen’s eye but the other girl refused to look at her. Finally shaking off the shorter woman’s hand Carmen muttered, "I’m late."

"Fuck that it’s the first day of school so we’re a little late."

"That’s not…"

"Oh shit," comprehension dawned on Andrea. "Oh shit. How late?"

"A month give or take a few days."

"Well maybe it’s just the stress of flying, time changes, school anything could throw your hormone’s out of whack you know."

"I did the test three times."

"And?"

"All of them came back positive."

"Oh boy. What, when are you going to tell Nic?"

"I don’t know."

"I’m here for you what ever you decide whatever happens. I’m here for you."

Carmen gave her a wan smile, "Thanks Drea."

"I’m serious okay. I like Nicole but you’re my friend anything you need you let me know."

Part Two

"Nikki?"

"Hmmm"

"You awake?"

Nicole mumbled something and snuggled closer to Carmen who snapped on the bedside table lamp. The sudden light woke Nicole up rather quickly, as she’d known it would. "What’s the matter? Are you alright?"

"I’m fine love, I just couldn’t sleep."

"Bad dreams or something else?" Nicole had noticed that, of late, Carmen had been somewhat withdrawn and moody. Nicole supposed that some of it was because she was coming off of the high of the summer, her stay in Italy and her experiences there. She hoped it was nothing more than that but a gut instinct told her it wasn't.

"No. No bad dreams."

"Something else then. You want to talk about it?" Carmen nodded. "Something serious?"

"Yeah"

Nicole sat up, "Before you start I have one question; Is this about the summer?"

"Yes" Nicole got out of bed and put her robe on, "Where are you going?"

"I don’t want to have this discussion here. Not in our bedroom, please."

"Nikki…"

"Please," Nic’s voice hitched, "not here. I don’t want…not in here."

"Okay" Carmen stood she was wearing a baggy pair of sweats and T-shirt that read "If you can’t stand the heat…Get out of the kitchen". She followed her lover out of their bedroom and downstairs to the family room. Sitting down on the big leather sofa that faced the oversized fireplace she watched as Nicole nervously straightened the various picture frames and knickknacks that covered the mantle. "Come sit next to me."

"Whatever it is just say it."

"Nikki"

"Just say it," Carmen could practically hear Nicole’s defensive walls going up.

"I want to get in touch with…"

"No. You promised me."

"I need to get in touch with him. I need to speak with him."

"I kept my word now you keep yours’."

"It’s not that simple."

"Yes it is," the diminutive blonde took a seat on the sofa, not quite next to her lover but not as far from her as was possible. She continued speaking, "I kept mine. I haven’t asked any questions, made any disparaging remarks at all or at least I don’t think I have. I waited for you."

"I know…"

"I was…I’ve never cheated on you and you know, you know that in the past…you know I would have just to get back at you."

"I know."

"Why?"

"I’m pregnant. I thought he should know."

"Before me," her voice became a dangerously low growl, "You thought he should know before me." Before Carmen had a chance to answer Nicole was up and out of the room. She returned moments later carrying a manila envelope and her checkbook. She dropped the envelope on the coffee table in front of Carmen, "You want to get in touch with him fine. Everything’s in there." She signed her name with a flourish, ripped the check out of the book and tossed it on top of the envelope, "That ought to be enough to get you a ticket back over there or whatever you want to use it for. I don’t care just get out of my house."

"Nikki!" when she’d thought about what Nicole’s reaction to her news would be she’d never pictured this. Never thought that Nicole would ask her to leave.

"Get out. You know I recognize that perhaps the hardest part of our agreement is the whole no contact thing, even though on the surface it seems like it would be the easiest. People have been having summer flings since the dawn of time and they move on never to see or hear from their little dalliance again. But you couldn’t even honor the even simpler promise not to bring anything home. Okay I was talking diseases but don’t you think this goes hand in hand with that?"

"I’m sorry."

"Yeah so am I. So am I." With that Nicole went upstairs.

Carmen sat for a while thinking about what had just transpired then she reached for the manila envelope on the coffee table. The report inside was one she was familiar with, the agency Nicole’s mother used having done one on her when they’d first gotten together. She went in search of her knapsack where her PDA was. Finding it she entered Mauricio’s contact information, then she slipped the report back inside the envelope along with the check Nicole had written, which she noticed was made out for ten thousand dollars. Envelope in hand she went upstairs to their bedroom. She stood outside the bedroom door for a few minutes listening to Nicole crying and hiccuping as she spoke to some unknown person, probably Brooke Carmen thought, on the phone. There was a pause in the conversation and Carmen took the opportunity to knock on the door before entering the room.

"Brooke I’ll call you later okay," she hung up the phone. "What do you want?" Nicole asked

"I have something I want to say to you."

"I think you’ve already said enough, don’t you?"

"No I don’t and I don’t think you’ve listened enough either. So hear me out and if you still want me to leave I will. Okay?"

"Fine," Nicole bit out.

"First I love you. That hasn’t changed in the least. Second I’m sorry that I hurt you. I never intended that to happen. Third I’m not having this baby. I can’t what with school and all. Even if I was going to I couldn’t..." she swallowed audibly, "There’s no way I could do it without you. I wouldn’t even want to try. One day Nikki I want to have a child with you, I will have a child with you, but I know that now isn’t the time. And certainly not this baby, I wouldn’t ask it of you." She sat next to Nicole on the bad and reached for her hand pleased when Nicole let her lace their fingers together. "The only reason I want to speak with him…I think he has the right to know, that’s all."

"I suppose he does," Nicole said grudgingly. They sat silently, holding hands and reestablishing their connection for several minutes before Nicole spoke again. "Call him first. We’ll work something out."

Part Three

Part Three is brought to you by the earnest pleadings of a few die hards.

~~~~~

“Nicole?”

“Yes, Javier” Nicole removed her reading glasses to look at the little boy who had suddenly appeared at her elbow.

“Carmen’s throwing up again.”

“Okay Javi thanks for getting me.” She ruffled the boy’s hair, “Is she downstairs?”

"Uh-huh. How come she throws up so much? Is she sick?”

“No sweetie she’s not sick”

“Is she going to have a baby? Jenny from school said that when her Mommy was pregnant with her baby brother she threw up all the time.”

Nicole chose to ignore his question in favor of finding Carmen. She found her, as the child had said downstairs in the bathroom off of the kitchen, bent over the sink rinsing her mouth out. Nicole ran a washcloth under cold water, squeezed it out and used it to wipe away the beads of sweat along her pregnant partner’s forehead while Javier watched.

“Where’s your mom Javi?”

“I sent her to the farmer’s market. She should be back soon.” Carmen said before another wave of nausea overcame her and she began dry heaving.

“So you want to go to the doctor’s or do you think…”

Carmen waved her concern off, “I’m fine sweetheart really. I just…I got this whiff of something citrus-y, like that orange stuff Donna uses to clean and all of a sudden,” she pantomimed vomiting. “Lilly warned me about being extra sensitive to smell.”

“The books mention it but usually later on I thought. But I guess everyone is different, right?”

“Right.”

The doorbell rang just then and Javier went rushing off to see who it was. He called out from the entryway, “Carmen it’s for you.”

“I’ll go see who it is. Why don’t you go upstairs and lie down.”

“Thanks Nikki,” Carmen said gratefully.

“For what?”

“For everything.”

“Go upstairs I’ll be there in a bit.” Nicole went to the front door where Javier was excitedly informing the FedEx guy of Carmen’s condition. “Hi you have something for me to sign?”

“You’re Carmen Ferrara?”

“No but she’s not feeling well. I’ll sign for whatever.”

“Right here please.” He indicated where the blonde needed to sign. She did so and he presented her an envelope with a flourish. “Here you go Miss,” he peered at her signature, “Julian. Javier it was nice meeting you.” He shook hands with the little boy and left.

Nic looked at the envelope in her hand, the country of origin was Italy and she sighed. This then must be Mauricio’s answer to Carmen’s letter of a few days ago. “Javi sweetie why don’t you go watch a movie. If you go look in the bottom drawer of Carmen’s desk you’ll find the new video she bought you the other day. I think she got Monsters Inc.”

“Okay” the child ran to Carmen’s desk easily bribed with the joys of a new video and Nicole went upstairs.

Carmen was sitting cross-legged in the middle of their bed when Nicole entered the room, “It’s from Italy.” She tossed the envelope on the bed so that it landed just out of Carmen’s reach. The pregnant girl made no move to pick it up and for some reason this irritated Nicole. “Aren’t you going to open it? Let’s here what ‘Daddy’ has to say,” she sneered. Immediately regretting her tone she hastily apologized and offered to leave Carmen alone to read Mauricio’s letter.

“No, don’t go. Whatever he says affects you too.” Nicole sat on the edge of the bed and watched as her lover opened the envelope and withdrew a single sheet of paper.

Dear Carmen,

I was surprised to hear from you though your news is good and certainly merits breaking your promise to Nicole. I know that must have been hard for her, please thank her on my behalf

As to the matter of your pregnancy I ask only that you not come to any conclusions until I have had a chance to see you and speak with you both face to face. To that effect please tell Nicole that I accept her generous offer of a ticket to the States. I have made arrangements to stay with Jason while I am there. He will pick me up at the airport in Albany when I arrive the day after tomorrow. I’ll call you once I am Stateside.

Until then take care,

Mauricio

She passed the note; it wasn’t a letter or an answer really, to Nicole who read it with a growing sense of trepidation. “He’s going to ask you to have it, you know that right?”

“I get that feeling.”

“Well?”

“What do you think?”

“It doesn’t matter what I think does it?”

“Sure it does” Carmen said softly. She reached for the other girl’s hand gently running the pad of her thumb over Nicole’s knuckles in an effort to soothe the ex-cheerleader. “It matters more than anything that he might want. We agreed, whatever happens it will be our decision, yours and mine.”

“Honestly?”

“Honestly.”

“I don’t think…I can’t. I’m not ready. We’re not ready to be parents. And I don’t know that I could handle being reminded every day you know? I mean I can’t forget but at the same time I don’t want to have to be reminded. And how fair would that be to a baby, you know.”

“Not very. And I agree we’re not ready.”

“What if he wants you to have it?”

“So what.”

“What if he wanted to raise it?”

“Oh God let’s hope not.”

“When was the letter dated?”

“Wednesday.”

“Which means he’ll be here when?”

“Tomorrow,” Carmen blanched visibly. She felt a need to lie down all of a sudden and so she did so pulling Nicole down with her so that the smaller girl lay in the circle of her arms. “I love you so much Nikki.”

“I love you too sweetheart.”

“I think I need a nap.”

“Okay. I think I heard Donna pull up but let me go check.” Nicole got up to go downstairs.

“Hurry back.”

Part Four

"Hello"

"May I speak with Carmen please?"

"Who shall I say is calling?" Donna snapped her fingers to catch Javier’s attention and motioned for him to lower the TV volume.

"Mauricio DiFilipo, please Miss."

"Certainly." Donna was intrigued the name was a new one to her. There were really only two young men who routinely called the house Paul, Nic’s friend and Jeff, a young man Carmen went to school with. She found Carmen in the garage where the brunette was busy trying to put together Javier’s surprise birthday gift.

"You have a phone call."

Carmen wiped the sweat out of her eyes, "Take a message would you." She stood up and stretched trying to work the kinks out of her back, "Maybe Nikki should do this, she’s more the engineer type. It’s a bike not a rocket how can it be this hard to out together."

"It’s some foreign sounding guy…Mauricio"

"Take a number tell him I’ll call back in about an hour Nicole should be home by then."

"You’re the boss."

/ / / / / / / / / / /

"Thank you for calling the Marriott Courtyard Albany how may I direct your call?"

"May I be connected to room 975 please?"

"Yes Ma’am please hold."

"Hello?"

" ‘Allo" The voice that answered was decidedly feminine. Carmen thought perhaps she’d been connected to the wrong room but then she heard Mauricio’s voice in the background asking whom it was and she knew she hadn’t.

"Hello this is Carmen Ferrara might I speak with Mauricio please?"

"Uno momento…one moment." She heard rapid fire Italian and then Mauricio was on the line.

"Carmen?"

"That’s me. How are you? I thought you were going to be staying with Jason?"

"Well Graciella decided to join me and we didn’t want to impose on him too much. Besides this way we are closer to the airport. We’re only here for a few days."

"Oh well…"

"You remember I told you about Graciella."

"Yes…yes I do." Graciella was an old girlfriend turned best friend.

"We’re engaged."

"Wow! Engaged…you got engaged. When?"

"I will tell you all about it over dinner. I’d love for you to meet her. And of course I want to meet Nicole."

"Yes, yes of course. Not tonight though Albany is almost two hours away from where we live and we both have class tomorrow. The earliest we could do it would be tomorrow night."

"We are happy to drive to come to you. I printed directions already. If we met in the middle perhaps that would work, we are very anxious to talk to you and we leave in four days, Sunday evening."

"Let me ask Nicole." She covered the mouthpiece and turned to face Nicole.

"Ask me what?"

"Dinner tonight…they’ll drive half way meet in the middle. We could go to Judy’s that’s right off the highway so it’s pretty easy to find."

"They? I thought he was staying in Hyde Park with what’s his name," she snapped her fingers impatient with herself for forgetting Jason’s name.

"Jason," the brunette supplied helpfully. "No. Change of plans…his fiancée came with him. They’re in Albany by the airport. Anyway about dinner…" she prodded gently.

"Right dinner. Hum sure Judy’s is fine but I really can’t stay out to late. I have that makeup lab at 7:30 in the morning."

"Yikes." She uncovered the mouthpiece, addressing Mauricio as she did so, "So okay tonight then at six o’clock. Let me give you directions or better yet I’ll give you the address of the restaurant and you can get driving directions from the hotel concierge. Or online if you want."

/ / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / / /

"Hi welcome to Judy’s. How many tonight?"

"We’re meeting some people here," Carmen looked around the small restaurant for Mauricio. Not seeing him she said, "We’ll wait in the bar."

"Hum…excuse me but I’ll need to see some ID."

"We just want to wait there."

"I’m afraid no one under twenty-one is allowed in the bar area. I can seat you by the window if you’d like this way you can keep an eye out for your party," the hostess suggested.

"That would be lovely thank you." Nicole placed her hand in the small of Carmen’s back as they followed the hostess, Allyson according to her nametag, to a table for four by the window. It had a clear and unobstructed view of the street and the restaurant’s front door. Nicole held Carmen’s chair out for her, "You doing okay?"

"Yeah" Carmen smiled up at Nicole who standing behind her shrugging out of her jacket. The blond sat down and Carmen reached for her hand under the table. Lacing their fingers together she gave the blonde’s smaller hand a gentle squeeze, "A little nervous…a lot nervous actually. Did I tell you he got engaged."

"About four times in the car." Secretly Nicole was glad to hear of Mauricio’s engagement surely then there would be no chance for a reunion between the summer lovers. Though she was also leery of his request to see Carmen and talk about the baby before the other girl came to any final decisions regarding her pregnancy. In Nicole’s mind the decision had been made, Carmen had been clear that she did not intend to have the child and this suited Nicole. She could understand and forgive Carmen her summer romance and her curiosity but she did not want to be reminded of it every day. A child would surely do that and she knew herself well enough to know that the constant reminder of her lover’s infidelity would only bring out the worst in her. The fact was that sometimes it still irked her to no end that Carmen had slept with Tory once at the very, very beginning of their relationship. If not for Tory’s obvious devotion to Lily, Nicole doubted she would have been able to tolerate the auburn haired attorney. "I’m nervous too."

"Thank you Nikki," Carmen let go of Nic’s hand and reached up to stroke the blonde’s face. She slid her hand behind Nicole’s neck, with gentle pressure she guided the shorter girl’s lips to her own for a brief but thorough kiss. "I love you so much. And I know this is hard for you" she whispered in the blonde’s ear.

Just then the door to the restaurant opened and in stepped a man and a woman. He was tall, almost six feet, with honey-blond hair that fell to his shoulders in thick curly waves. The top of her head came to his shoulder her strawberry blonde hair was done in a French twist. Her makeup Nicole noted was flawless, as if she wore none at all. They made a stunning couple she thought. Her reverie was broken by the burst of noise that accompanied the opening of the door to reveal another couple and Carmen’s sharp intake of breath.

"They’re here." She stood and waved the second couple over. He was of medium height with sun-streaked light brown hair that came to just below his ears and as clean cut as any of the young men Gayle, Nicole’s mother, had introduced her to when she was younger. The woman was petite, even in three-inch heels she was shorter than Nicole who wasn’t quite 5’4" tall in her loafers. Her jet-black hair was cut in a pageboy and she wore a short black spaghetti-strap dress that showed off her legs beautifully.

"Well he’s got great taste in women," Nicole muttered, "got to give him that much."

"What was that Nikki?"

"Nothing," she stood to greet the other couple being shown to the table.

"Carmen!"

"Mauricio" the kissed cheeks in the European manner and hugged tightly.

"You look well. You are how do they say…you are glowing." He looked her up and down. "You are starting to show just a little."

Carmen blushed and Nicole bristled.

"Mauricio" Graciella’s said softly. Her voice was low, slightly husky like Demi Moore’s or Kathleen Turner’s Nicole thought.

"Carmen this is my fiancée, Graciella Milano. Graciella this is Carmen Ferrara." They shook hands politely and Carmen introduced them to Nicole.

"Nicole it is a pleasure. I have heard much about you." He held out a chair for Graciella before sitting down opposite Nicole. "Carmen described you perfectly."

"Did she now" Nicole bit out.

"Nikki," Carmen implored her softly.

"I did not mean to offend you."

"I’m sorry…I’m just…I’m just a little tense."

"It’s good to know I am not the only one," Graciella said dryly.

Dinner passed by quickly after that. Both couples staying to safe topics, how they met, how they got together and how Mauricio asked Graciella to marry him. Finally over coffee Nicole broached the subject they had all carefully avoided.

"Perhaps it would be best if we had the rest of this discussion somewhere more private," Nicole suggested. Everyone readily agreed. "Tomorrow then we’ll go to Albany and rent a room for the night. Which hotel are you at again?"

"The Marriott Courtyard by the airport."

"Does that work for you sweetheart," she asked Carmen who nodded yes. "Okay then tomorrow it is. Graciella it was a pleasure meeting you, Mauricio." The former cheerleader stood inclining her head in acknowledgement of him. "I don’t mean to be rude but I’m exhausted and we have a long drive home. Plus I have to be in class very early tomorrow."

"Of course. Of course we won’t keep you any longer. Call us when you check in at the hotel. I think we will stay a little longer and have another espresso. That is if you don’t mind Graciella."

"No that sounds good."

Mauricio stood when Carmen did and gave her a hug and kiss on the cheek farewell.

"Drive carefully," he said.

"You too, remember the speed limit here is lower than in Italy and the state patrol will arrest you and impound the car. They don’t care that you’re not from around here."

"I will remember."

"I will be driving." Graciella reminded him, "You’ve had a bit to drink."

Part Five

A/N: (1) This whole arc turned out to be much more of an angst-fest than I had ever intended it to be. Thankfully it was reined in by the ever astute Alan H. who wryly observed that Nic has suffered enough. Also the impetus to finish it today is due solely to Louise who so obligingly posted part seven of her own magnificent fic as a bribe for the next part of this one.

(2) Throughout this whole series but in particular in this fic I wanted to show how Nicole has grown through her relationship, certainly I have tried to show that while she is clearly hurt and feeling betrayed Nicole has matured enough not to lash out at those she loves. I hope I've succeeded.

(3) Enjoy. Please let me know what you think. I can be reached either onlist or offline at cmfloresfd@yahoo.com

~~~~~

"Well Ms. Ferrara thank you for choosing the Marriott Courtyard. Your room keys are in here," the young woman behind the counter passed her an envelope containing two key cards. "You’re in room 351, the elevators are down this hall on the left, the gym and the pool are down that hall on the right. Do you have any bags you need help with?"

"No I’ve got it thanks it’s just the one bag. My partner will be arriving later is it possible to leave her key down here, you know in case I’m not in the room or something."

"Certainly, do you know when she might be arriving?"

"After five I would imagine. It’s what," she glanced at her watch, a Movado Nicole had given her when they graduated from Kennedy. "Almost two now, she has class until three thirty, traffic and what not…Yeah somewhere around five."

"Okay well I’ll just write a note for the next shift."

"Thank you."

"Anything else I can help you with?"

"No thank you." She picked up the suitcase at her feet, wincing a little when her back gave a small twinge of protest, and headed for the elevators.

Upstairs in the room she quickly unpacked. Then opening the honor bar she perused the snack offerings finally deciding on chocolate covered almonds and a can of 7-Up. She flopped down onto the sofa, picking up the TV remote control she began to flip through the channels but finding nothing of interest she shut it off with an irritated sigh. The phone rang and she snatched it up, "Hello."

"Good Afternoon Bella" Carmen shivered, Mauricio’s cultured baritone still sent chills through her and she swallowed convulsively.

"Don’t call me that…please don’t call me that," these last words came out in a strangled whisper.

"My apologies. I did not mean to bring up any awkwardness."

"Then why did you come? What couldn’t you say to me over the phone?"

"I would rather discuss these matters face to face. Graciella is exercising in the gymnasium perhaps I could come down to your room?"

"I don’t think so."

"You can’t be in a room alone with me…is she that controlling?"

"No not at all. Nicole doesn’t control me you of all people should know that. I wouldn’t be in this mess otherwise now would I?" He’d complained vociferously about having to use condoms claiming they cut down on his sensation until finally in the last week before she’d left Italy she’d given in, trusting him to pull out in time as he’d sworn he would. A stupid trust she realized in retrospect.

"I have testicular cancer…"

"You what?"

"The doctor’s told me only the day before your letter arrived. They say the treatment will…"

"You have cancer?" she said feebly as he continued talking.

"Most likely leave me sterile and that I should have some of my sperm frozen now so that I can perhaps father a child later. Imagine my joy when I got your letter. Graciella and I would…she would love your child as if it were her own."

"No."

"No what?"

"I’m sorry you’re ill. I’m sorry you have cancer but I’m not…I will not do that to Nicole. I can’t she’s suffered enough…I won’t put her through any more."

"She need, that is neither one of you need, never see the child again if that was how you wanted it. Surely"

"No ‘Ricio" she cringed at the inadvertent use of her nickname for him. "No."

"Then why did you bother to tell me?"

"A hormonally induced lapse in judgement I assure you," she snapped out. "I should have listened to Andrea. I shouldn’t have said anything to either one of you." She sighed heavily before continuing, "The truth is it was an excuse. I missed you, talking to you I miss…I missed my friend but Nicole…I needed an excuse."

"I see."

They were silent for several minutes then Mauricio spoke again, "You would not reconsider…I could speak with Nicole…please." His voice cracked on please and Carmen pictured him trying hard not to cry. She steeled herself not to succumb again.

"No. I’m sorry." She hung up the phone. Standing up she looked around the room for a pad of paper and a pencil or pen finally spotting them on the end table by the window. She sat down to figure out what she was going to write when the phone rang again.

"Hello"

"Hi sweetheart. How are you?"

"Okay"

"You sure? You sound…"

"I’m fine Nikki."

"I just wanted to let you know that I was on my way. Is there anything you want me to pick up?"

"No."

"Honey?"

"You know what Nikki. Don’t come. I’m going to check out. I’ll meet you at the house."

"Carm?"

"I love you Nikki. I want…"

"You want what sweetie?"

"I just want to go home…I just want to go home to you."

"Okay"

Some five hours later Carmen pulled into the driveway of their home in Cobleskill, Nicole she saw was waiting for her on the front porch. She got out of the car, walked directly to where the blonde ex-cheerleader was standing and kissed her.

"Hey"

"You okay?"

"Yeah"

"I was getting worried."

"You should have called my cell."

"I did. You accidentally left it at the hotel concierge’s desk."

"I did?" Carmen dug around in her purse for her cell and not finding it sighed, "I guess I did."

"They’re going to Fed Ex tomorrow."

"Good."

"Come inside its starting to get chilly," Nicole reached for her hand and led her inside. "So you…"

"Yeah"

"And?"