Series: Scenes From an Italian Restaurant

Title: Evolution of a Roman Holiday

Email: cmfloresfd@yahoo.com

Pairing: Nicole/Carmen

Rating: PG-13

Disclaimers: The usual I own nothing of any value whatsoever. I especially do not own the show Popular or its characters. I also do not own the wonderful Billy Joel song that inspired the series title. I do own this work of fiction and any original characters therein.

Archiving: All my stuff such as it is can be found at www.realmoftheshadow.com/carla.htm

A/N: This fic is completely and solely due to the amazing feedback and questions raised by those of you who gave me feedback on Summer School. Especially Paul and Alan who, of course, provided the most amazing quote with which to end the whole thing. Thanks guys. The different parts of the fic take place throughout the timeline before Summer School with the absolute ending taking place immediately after Carmen's return home after that fic. This is unbetad so any and all mistakes are mine.

Feedback is what makes the fic go round folks so how's about some. You can send it to me at cmfloresfd@yahoo.com

Evolution of a Roman Holiday

Nicole and Carmen's House - July 6th Summer Freshman Year

Nicole sat staring at the phone her thoughts raced jumbled and confused in her head. Carmen has actually done it, she'd hoped it wouldn't happen but it had. She stood up and made her way to the fireplace to look at the array of photos that covered the mantle. There were photos of Carmen and Nicole alone together and with their friends as well as pictures of Victor in a Beagle costume and Javier holding Cider. Unbidden, memories flooded her thoughts as she stared at the photos until finally emotion overcame her and she lay down on the bed. Reaching for her journal she began reading some of the past entries and remembering the long trip to the point she was at now.

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Julian lake house – October Senior Year

They were still dressed for the party they had been to at Tim's house, a black tie affair where, since it was Halloween, all the men wore dresses and the women tuxedoes. Now though they were at the lake house lying on the bed in Nicole's room watching the fire in the fireplace burn as they both struggled to regain their breath. They'd been in such a frenzy to touch each other that they hadn't even bothered to remove their clothing. Instead Carmen had ripped open Nicole's shirt sending buttons flying everywhere as the smaller girl fumbled with the button of Carmen's slacks before deftly sliding the zipper down and her hand between her lover's legs in one smooth motion.

The light from the fireplace cast flickering shadows across Nicole's back; Carmen lay next to her propped up on her right elbow. The ever-changing shadow pattern fascinated the brunette and with her free hand she smoothed out the wrinkled fabric of Nicole's dress shirt. The shadows changed again and now Carmen traced the new patterns with a fingertip her nail lightly scratching. Nicole sighed and arched her back in pleasure.

"Nikki?"

"Hmm?"

"Do you ever…you know miss…you know `being' with guys?"

"You mean sexually?"

"Uh-huh"

"No. Why?"

"I don't know I guess I just…I just wondered is all. I mean it's what you're used to and…"

Nicole rolled over onto her side to face Carmen, reaching out she tucked an errant lock of hair behind the other girl's ear before sliding her hand into the hair at the nape of Carmen's neck. The blonde inched closer to the brunette till the length of their bodies were pressed together one leg sliding between the other girl's legs.

"I don't miss it. I don't miss `being' with guys at all. The only person I want to touch me is you."

"I didn't mean…that is I wasn't trying to insinuate differently it's just…I mean I know you like it when I you know, " Carmen blushed and ducked her head.

"When you fuck me?" Nic's voice thick with lust sent shivers down Carmen's spine. She whimpered as Nic continued, "Oh yes I like it very much, very much." Her tongue traced the shell of Carmen's ear before she began to gently suckle her earlobe. "Nothing, no guy, comes even close to making me feel as good as you do when you're inside me. Since the first time, no one else."

"I love being inside you love how that feels. I just wondered is all I mean I've never…it must be different I just thought maybe" the rest of Carmen's words were stopped by Nicole's kiss.

___________________________________________________________

The Mall Food Court – December Senior Year

Lily, Carmen and Nicole spent the day shopping for last minute gifts and gossiping but now their feet needed a rest and since they were hungry they decided to grab a quick bite before heading home. Spotting a free table they hurried towards it narrowly beating out another group of holiday shoppers also intent on claiming the table and sat down.

"Are they still following us?" Nicole asked.

"Huh following us? Wha'choo talkin `bout, Nikki?"

"That's it no more Different Strokes marathons for you young lady" the blond chided her lover. "Those guys" Nic indicated three young men standing a few feet away. "They've been trailing us since Victoria's Secret."

"Yeah they are," Lily raised her hand and waved at them. "And they're headed this way," Lily pushed back her chair and stood. "Who wants to share fries?"

"I do," Nic stood also, "I'll go with. You want an iced tea love?"

"Please that'd be great and one of those chocolate covered bananas on a stick." Carmen smiled devilishly her gaze trained on the approaching trio of boys. "Hurry up this could be fun."

"It's not nice to tease you know."

"Who says I'm teasing, Lily?" Carmen winked at her girlfriend. Nicole blushed as memories of the previous night, Carmen on her knees servicing Nicole's strap-on, flooded her thoughts.

"C'mon Lily before Tom, Dick and Harry get here."

"Too late." The voice was a deep baritone completely at odds with the youthfulness of the speaker's face. "Leaving so soon? I'm Tom these are my friends Dick and Harry."

Nicole had the good grace to blush, "Heard that did you?"

"Afraid so."

"Oh well. Shall we Lily?" both girls walked away under the appreciative gaze of four sets of eyes.

"Maybe we should have stayed with her," Lily said when she caught up with Nicole.

"Nah she'll be fine. Besides what's the harm in flirting with them, it'll do wonders for her ego."

"That first one was a hottie. If you like the tall, dark Mediterranean look that is."

"He was wasn't he," Nicole looked over her shoulder to see Carmen inviting the three boys to sit at the table. "His friend with the reddish curly hair is cute too don't you think."

"The one in the rugby shirt?"

"Uh-huh"

"I already have a jock-type guy at home what do I need with another one?"

"Variety is the spice of life."

"No I always thought the variety pack was more your cup of tea than mine Nic."

"Those days are long past."

"You know Nicole I…I know I had my doubts about you two and that I was pretty vocal about them but I want you to know that I'm glad I was wrong."

"Thanks Lily. You're a good friend, to both of us and I understand about your doubts. I have them too sometimes. What could she possibly see in me? Will she leave me? When will she leave?"

"Oh no Nic that's not what I was getting at; not at all. Carmen loves you, is head over heels in love with you and you've been good for her."

"She's been good for me; saved me from myself even."

"You mean before you went over to the dark side completely?"

"Just call me Satan."

"Nah that was always Sam's special nickname for you. I always called you `That Bitch' or `She-Demon'." The petite Latina laughed and elbowed Nicole, "Just kidding Nic now that I've gotten to know you I know that's not the real you."

They stepped up to the counter to place their order. While they were waiting they watched Carmen as she flirted with the young man who had introduced himself as "Tom".

"Lily? Has Carmen ever said anything to you about guys? About being with a guy, you know?"

"You mean like on a date or like a booty call thing?"

"Either."

"No not really. I mean before she used to talk about who was cute and who wasn't that kind of thing but never really all that much come to think of it. Maybe that's why I wasn't surprised when she came out to me. That or the shock of learning she was dating you eclipsed all else. Probably a combo though."

"Number 351!"

"That's us."

They picked up the tray with their order and rejoined Carmen at the table.

"Nicole, Lily this is Connor," the tall boy who first spoke to them waved.

"Hi"

"Hi"

"And that's Aaron," the young man in the Rugby shirt raised his hand.

"Hi"

"Hi"

"And Les" The third fellow was thin and wiry with shoulder length brown hair which was held back in a ponytail.

"Is that short for something?" Nicole asked.

"Leslie, it's a family name."

"I should hope so."

Connor threw his head back in laughter and lightly punched his friend on the shoulder, "Les here was the fastest runner on the playground when we where in grade school."

"Survival of the fittest dude, I had to be. It was either that or get the crap kicked out of me for having a girl's name."

"That's horrible," Lily sat down next to Les who made room for her at the table.

"It wasn't so bad and all that practice came in handy when it was time to try out for the track team."

"What school do you go to?"

"I go to St. Raymond's. Connor and Aaron go to Morgan."

"Did I hear you say you go to Morgan Academy?" Nicole asked turning her attention away from Carmen who had started to eat the chocolate covered banana in a way that could only be interpreted as lewd. " I have a cousin who used to go there maybe you know her, Janie Styles-Harris?"

"I do." Aaron finally spoke up, "Connor used to go out with her last year before she transferred out. Hey Con Nicole's Janie's cousin."

It was with some difficulty that Connor tore his attention away from Carmen who was talking about her lack of a gag reflex. "Huh?"

"Janie Styles-Harris, you used to date her. She's my cousin."

"Janie yeah. Whatever happened to her?"

"She was shipped off to Miss Porter's in Massachusetts."

"Is that so?" Connor's voice drifted off as his attention was, once again, drawn to Carmen who had since resumed the demonstration phase of her little game.

"You'll have to excuse Con. He saw your friend before and was smitten. Now I'm afraid that thanks to her little performance…"

"He's lost."

"Probably couldn't find his way out of a paper bag."

"She's taken. You should probably tell him that."

"She is?"

"Uh-huh" Nicole let her arm rest on the back of Carmen's chair as she absently played with a lock of her girlfriend's hair. She grinned as she felt Carmen lean, ever so slightly, into her touch, "Very much so."

Aaron gave her a thoughtful look before shaking his head and leaning over to whisper to Nicole, "It's his gift. In a room full of girls Connor can find the two who are going out with each other and, inevitably, hit on one of them. It's a talent really."

Nicole laughed, "Well now I know who to take to the next party I go to."

"No, no I have dibs on him. How else will I know what girls to hit on? Many is the embarrassing faux pas I've avoided thanks to Con's amazing record."

"Nikki are you ready?"

"Maybe you girls would like to join us for a movie?" Connor asked, "We're going to see…"

"We really have to get going but it's sweet of you to ask?" Carmen cut him off.

"Well maybe I could get your number? I could call you sometime, maybe we could do something."

"I'll tell you what why don't you stop by my job sometime and I'll give it to you then."

"Where do you work?"

`The Bus Stop Diner over on Memorial near the Medical Center, I work Tuesday, Thursday 4 – 10 and Saturday, Sunday 6 AM – 2 PM."

"Will do."

"It was a pleasure meeting you. Aaron, Les it was nice meeting you too."

The girls stood, gathered their belongings and made their goodbyes. As they walked away they overheard Aaron break the news to Connor.

"Connor you're barking up the wrong tree."

"No way!"

"Way"

"Oh c'mon now I mean…the banana…"

"Dude the blonde told me so."

Lily, walking a few paces behind the couple, smiled as Nicole slipped her hand into Carmen's and laced their fingers together.

"Thank you Nikki."

"Merry Christmas my love."

___________________________________________________________
 

Nicole's Journal – January Senior Year

We had a fight today. It was stupid really all because of that idiot, Connor. I called Janie up at Ms. Porter's after we met him in December and she told me all about him. He fancies himself a Don Juan, said he could be a little intimidating sometimes like when he wasn't getting his way. She said he was basically sweet but still. I guess I shouldn't have gotten so pissed off just because she was letting him hang out with her during her shift. It's just that I want to be the only one she lets do that. It makes me feel special not even Lily is allowed to do that. And then yesterday there he was. And I know he's interested in her. And it's not the first time he's been there either. Lucille told me the other day he stopped by looking for her.

I don't trust him. I'm not sure why. I know I'm jealous. I know I can be possessive. I know I have nothing to worry about. I know she loves me. But she's never been with a guy. She's never been with anyone but me. And Tory and well Tory doesn't count. I don't feel threatened by Tory the way I do by Connor. Tory was a onetime thing and now she's so obviously crazy about Lily that it's a moot point anyway. But Connor is a guy, a cute guy. And I know she's enjoying the attention. Maybe she'll really wonder, maybe she'll want to give it a try. Then what will I do?

I guess I could handle it if she wanted to go out with him a couple of times. No I couldn't. I couldn't handle it at all. Maybe that's not fair because I've certainly had my fair share of experiences but that's the way it is. I want to be IT for her. Just like she's IT for me. But I suppose it's unrealistic of me to expect that she'll never be interested in someone else. I mean I like to look so why shouldn't she. I just hope she doesn't want to touch too.

She says I have nothing to worry about that Connor doesn't stand a chance but that doesn't mean that one day some guy won't stand a chance. One day maybe she'll meet a guy she likes, really likes, and maybe she'll even want to be with him more than she does with me.

I should just listen to Lily, Carmen loves me she wouldn't hurt me. Not intentionally at any rate. And well I hope that T-shirt is right "If you love someone set them free. If they love you they'll come back. If they don't hunt them down and kill them." Except for that last part I could never do that to her.

___________________________________________________________

Carmen's Apartment –February Senior Year

"All I'm saying is that I wouldn't be ashamed to be seen with you in public. To have everybody know that you were my girl."

"You seem to forget something very basic though Con, I'm gay. I like girls… A lot. And more importantly I love Nicole. I wouldn't hurt her by going out on a date `date' with you or with anyone else for that matter."

"But she hurts you every day, you said so yourself, by keeping the two of you a secret."

"Yes that's somewhat true but I also understand her reasons and it's not like no one knows, we're just not open about it at school. And that's okay with me for now."

"Is it really?"

Carmen was silent. The truth was sometimes it rankled but most of the time it didn't. "Most of the time yeah, but you're right sometimes it isn't."

"And when it isn't?"

"It's usually because some guy is hitting on her and I like to think that he wouldn't if he knew she had a girlfriend." Connor snorted as Carmen continued, "Course since you've already helped confirm my belief that most guys are dogs I realize that stuff like that will always happen. And in the end I have the satisfaction of knowing that no matter how much she flirts, no matter how much some guy thinks he has a chance he doesn't. She comes home to me. It's my bed she graces me she loves me she wants to be with."

"No one else, love no one else."

Carmen jumped at the sound of Nic's voice behind her and whirled around to see her girlfriend standing in the doorway. She was holding a long stemmed rose, which she presented to Carmen with a flourish before kissing her soundly in an uncharacteristically public display of affection. Next to them, Nicole noticed, Connor seethed.

___________________________________________________________

Nicole's car – March Senior Year

Nicole was driving Lily home after their tutoring session. She debated with herself about whether to share her suspicions about Connor with Lily or not. She'd overheard Carmen and Connor's conversation on the balcony the week before last and had wanted to talk to someone about it since.

"You know he asked her out. He actually had the balls to ask her out."

"So it's not like she said "Yes", now is it?"

"No but still it galls is all. I'd bet even money he wouldn't do that to a guy."

"What poach? He probably would."

"I don't understand why she keeps him around, why she doesn't just tell him to get lost."

"It's an ego thing. Hey would you mind stopping at Burrito Bennie's so I can get some dinner?"

"Sure. An ego thing, explain?"

"Well he's hot and it's got to be a great shot to the self confidence to have someone like that paying attention so publicly."

"But I pay…"

"So publicly. You know Nic she keeps things on the down low for your sake but she'd like nothing more than to walk down the hall at school holding your hand…to be free to do that. To make her claim to you public." Lily reached over to lower the volume on the car stereo. "Look what's the one message Carm consistently got from her mother, society and even you at one time or another?"

"That she's fat." Nicole whispered in a stricken voice. It really had never occurred to her that Carmen would see Nicole's need to keep their relationship under wraps as a reflection on her, of her looks, her weight.

"That's right. That she's fat and know one would ever want her because of it. And yes she knows that you love her just as she is but I can't help but think that part of Connor's appeal for her is that he so obviously and so publicly makes it known that he is into her. I'm sure you can understand that…I mean really when you go to one of those charity things your mom has and you show up with Tim on your arm doesn't it feel great knowing you have one of the best looking guys in the place escorting you. It's a pride thing. Carmen has one of the best, if not the best looking girl, on campus for a girlfriend and she can't even acknowledge that. Having Connor around is very much a way for her to show people that "The Fat Chick" can indeed land a hottie."

"So you're saying if I told her lets go public right now she'd toss him to the curb?"

"No I'm not saying that. I think she likes him as a friend and it's possible that she might even go out with him if there wasn't a you in her life but there is and well…well I don't think you need to worry about Connor is all."

___________________________________________________________

Julian Mansion – March Senior Year

They were having a picnic under a tree in a secluded area of the mansion's grounds. Carmen lay with her head in Nicole's lap fairly purring as the blonde ran her fingers through Carmen's hair. They'd been sitting there like that for some time silently enjoying the shade the tree provided from the late afternoon sun and each other.

"Nikki?"

"Hmmm?"

"Connor asked me out on a date."

"I know."

"You do? How?"

"I overheard the tail end of your conversation with him on the balcony a few weeks ago."

"The day you brought me the rose and kissed me in front of him?"

"That's right."

"Is that why you did that?"

"Brought you the rose? No."

"Kissed me."

"Yes" Nicole moved her hand from Carmen's hair to her face, fingers lightly tracing her features. "I didn't actually hear him ask but I gathered that he had based on what I heard."

"So you heard me explain why I said no to him right?" Nicole nodded.

"I overheard the rest too about why sometimes it's hard to keep quiet and I know that's hard for you too. I want you to understand though that it's not about you, it's not about feeling ashamed or embarrassed to be seen with you. It's about me, and my need to have this…us all to myself. You're the single most important part of my life the best part and you've made me more human more real than I could have ever imagined being. I love you so much sweetheart."

Carmen stopped her words with a fingertip to the lips, which Nicole caught between her teeth.

"I know Nikki. I always know that you show me everyday." She pulled Nic to her and kissed her gently. "It's just sometimes I want to shout it out for everyone to hear. Most of the time though," she shrugged, "it doesn't matter. All that matters is that you're with me and I love you."

"Do you think maybe you'd like to go out on a date with him?"

"Who Connor? No. I won't lie. It's flattering and all, the attention, you know but no."

"I think you're beautiful. I love your body. I love the fact that when I hold you, when my arms are around you, there is no doubt in my mind that I am holding a woman. The most special and spectacular woman I have ever met."

"You know what I love Nikki? I love how you show me that every time you touch me how you always make me feel that way. Your touch it's always… reverent even when we're ripping each other's clothes off, even when we're fighting and mad at each other, your touch is always filled with love."

___________________________________________________________

Nicole's Journal – May Senior Year

Saturday: May 12

It felt good to dance on that stage last night to know that she was watching me and wanting me. To know that she knew I was dancing just for her and no one else. What a rush. But that was nothing compared to kissing her in front of all those people, without regard to where we were or who might see. I don't think I will ever forget the look on Sam's face or Brooke's for that matter.

Brooke, it feels good to be honest totally honest with her finally and to know for sure that nothing's changed between us. It feels like for the first time in a very long time my best friend `knows' me, all of me and its okay and I am totally free.

Monday: May 14

All day there were whispers and stares. And those stupid giggles, you'd think we were in junior high school not high school. Some people where really positive, like this girl Joanie in my AP Calculus class who congratulated me, asked me how long Carm and I had been dating and wished us luck. That was nice, really nice, considering that I've never even given her the time of day in the past. Then there were others like Dennis, the second string quarterback, who offered to help straighten me out. Asshole.

It's all going to be worth it though, the look on her face this morning when I kissed her outside her History class makes it all worth it. She was so happy and I want to do that all the time, make her happy and proud.

Friday: May 18

This week the staring, the whispers and the stupid comments aside, has been the best of my life. Walking down the hall holding her hand, being able to kiss her hello in the cafeteria at lunch, having lunch with her has made this the most incredible week. My only regret is that I didn't do it sooner.

Friday: May 25

This whole week's been pretty regular, run-of-the-mill even. By Monday there was new gossip, new scandal to talk about and Carmen and I were old news. Joanie invited us to go to the zoo with her and her girlfriend and her girlfriend's little sister tomorrow, so we're doing that when C gets off of work. Sam is still a little pissed at C but she's getting over it, though I may have to go have a little talk with her soon if it doesn't happen sooner than later.

I never really used to be protective of other people, except Brooke in a warped sort of way, but I find that I'm always protective of Carmen. It's like second nature for me and not just over big things but little ones as well. It surprises me sometimes what exactly evokes that protective response. It can be something big, like this thing with Sam, or small like wanting to get rid of the cat when he accidentally scratches her. It's her own fault really I keep telling her not to play so roughly with him but she does so anyway. I just want to take care of her, protect her and keep her safe. I never thought I'd want to do that for someone other than myself.

___________________________________________________________

Upstate New York – November Freshman Year

Carmen pulled up in front of Paul's dormitory and cut the engine. Next to her in the passenger seat Nicole snored softly in the back seat Paul also slept. Smiling to herself Carmen gently shook him, "Wake up sleepyhead we're here."

Paul's eyes fluttered open as he tried to stretch his 6'1" frame in the confines of the rear seat. He stepped out of the car then leaned in again to collect his backpack and blow Carmen a kiss goodbye. "Thanks for driving by the way and tell Nic I'll see her in class tomorrow."

"Will do" she spoke in hushed tones so as not to awaken the still sleeping Nicole.

"Call when you get to the house just leave a message on the machine."

"Okey Dokey artichoke." Paul straightened up and shouldered his pack.

"Hey Paulie" he leaned in through the still open door.

"Yeah"

"I had a great time today, good choice. Thanks for convincing Nikki."

"I think she enjoyed herself. I certainly did."

"Why don't you come for dinner Wednesday, you can spend the night."

"Sure thing see you then."

She watched to make sure he safely entered the building then drove off. A few minutes later Nicole woke up and looked around trying to get her bearings. She scratched her head vigorously in an effort to clear the last remnants of her sleep induced haze, "Where are we?"

"We just dropped Paul off a few minutes ago."

"Hmmm. How long have I been asleep?"

"About two hours," Carmen glanced over at her lover then reaching over with her right hand she ruffled the blonde's sleep tousled hair. "Anyone ever tell you that the Just Awake Look is sexy as hell on you?"

"No but then I rarely woke up next to anyone till you."

"Well I'm telling you."

"Okay by me." Placing a hand on Carmen's thigh she gave a gentle squeeze. "I had a nice time today. I liked the big incubator with all the eggs hatching I thought that was pretty neat the way the eggs sort of rocked and rolled around. Then the first tiny crack appeared and before you know it there's a little chick breaking out of his shell. And they were so cute it's too bad they can't stay that way because frankly chickens are not particularly attractive animals when they're fully grown."

"If the kids at Kennedy High could see you now," Carmen teased as she covered Nicole's hand on her thigh with her own.

"Oh I know believe me a year ago, even, I wouldn't have been caught dead at The County Fair. But I had a good time, I'm glad Paulie suggested it."

They drove like that, Carmen's hand covering Nic's on her thigh Nicole's thumb rubbing lazy circles on her girlfriend's jean clad thigh, for some time. The silence was finally broken by Nicole's softly uttered, "I think I have a little bit of a crush on Paulie."

"Me too."

"Do you want to do something about that?"

"You mean like a threesome? Do you?" Carmen kept her gaze trained directly in front of her and on the road; she didn't want to see the look on Nicole's face if the answer was yes.

"No. I mean I wonder what it would be like to kiss him but that's as far as it goes. And even that I wouldn't do…weird dynamic and all that crap, you know?"

"Yeah I totally get that…about the weird dynamic thing I mean." Carmen took the next exit off the freeway and began the short drive along the back roads to their house. "So you wonder what it would be like to kiss him huh? It's the lips right…very sensual, full…like they were just made for kissing don't you think?"

"Errrrrrrr well now I can't say that I'd given it that much thought. More like I've just wondered what it would be like to kiss him, how he kisses in the mechanical sense really…technique wise you know?" Nicole cleared her throat, "However I think it would be fair to say you're not thinking along those lines, wouldn't you?"

"I guess, I mean I don't know", the brunette shrugged her shoulders in frustration, "I like Paul. I feel safe with him, safe enough to kiss him be open with him like that…share that you know? I never felt that with Connor with Connor it was I don't know…it was different. Paulie would get that it was totally about being curious and about friendship but Con would have taken it as an okay to press his cause, you know?"

"I never liked that guy."

"I know Nikki."

"Not just because he asked you out…"

"I know Nikki," Carmen smiled indulgently at her.

They drove in silence, the kind born not of awkwardness but of intimacy and comfortableness, simply enjoying each other's presence; going over the conversation in their heads. Then Carmen was turning into their driveway and putting the car in park. In the driver's seat Carmen turned to face Nicole.

"Nicole, look at me." Nic did so, smiling as Carmen leaned in to kiss her briefly but thoroughly. "It's one thing to be curious and another thing altogether to do anything about it. I wonder that's all. Just like you wonder and that's all, okay?" Nicole nodded.

"You don't think that one day you'll want to do more than just wonder? Not with Paulie but with some other guy I mean."

"Well sure maybe one day but for now," she shook her head, "NO, for now the only person I want is you."

___________________________________________________________

Carmen and Nicole's House – April Freshman Year

Carmen dropped her bags just inside the doorway and was almost bowled over by Nicole who came racing down the stairs holding an envelope addressed to Carmen.

"Open it! Open it!" Nicole urged

"Oh my God Nikki is that what I think it is?" She looked at the return address on the envelope. "It is oh god I'm nervous…here you open it."

Nicole opened the envelope and quickly scanned the letter inside.

"Well, Well!!" Nicole read the letter aloud.

"Dear Ms. Ferrara,

It is with great pleasure that the Selection Committee and Instructors of the Culinary Institute of America – Summer Institute invite you to attend this years Institute in Rome, Italy June 12th through August 8th, 2003.

The fee for the Summer Institute is $6,000.00 dollars, which includes all course and materials fees. Please note that the Institute does not provide housing, all students are responsible for obtaining and paying their own room and board. A list of recommended hostels, boarding houses and hotels is enclosed with this letter. We urge all students to secure housing before opening day of the Institute.

Please notify the Institute in writing of your intention to attend this year's Summer Institute no later than May 1st, 2003. Upon receipt of your letter of acceptance and deposit check for the sum of $1,000.00 dollars the Institute will reserve your spot and forward to you all course descriptions and recommended reading lists.

Once again please accept our congratulations on your acceptance to this year's CIA – Summer Institute we look forward to seeing you in Rome on June 12th

Yours truly,
Sebastian Kjaer-Hansen
Director, CIA – Summer Institute

Nicole folded the letter up and stuck it in the envelope before presenting it to Carmen with a bow.

"Oh my God I got in, I got in! I have to call Frank and Lucille and tell them the good news. Nikki can you believe it only four first years are chosen…"

"I'm so proud of you. This is so exciting, your going to meet new people learn new things, have a great time you'll see. You'll love Rome it's a beautiful city…we'll rent you a small house something that comes with an older Italian lady to cook and clean..."

"Whoa there…slow down as it is I'm going to have to arrange for some sort of loan to swing the tuition fees."

"Don't be silly sweetheart we've got the money, you know that."

"No you have the money not me and we agreed that I would pay for my schooling."

"We have the money and you do pay for school this is something extra, something special and WE, you and I, have the money. I really don't want to argue about this Carmen, for once just say yes. Please?"

"Fine. We have the money."

___________________________________________________________

Albany Airport Lounge – June Freshman Year (Summer)

They were sitting in a corner booth, far away from any of the other occupied tables, holding hands and talking quietly.

"You realize that this will be the first time we don't sleep together since the weekend after your 18th birthday, when you came up here to buy the house."

"I know. Cider's been eyeing your side of the bed and I'm not sure but I think I saw Dickens fluffing your pillow this morning. When you come back you'll have to flip for it." Carmen laughed softly.

"Stop," Carmen squeezed Nic's hand in hers' gently. "Be serious."

"I can't if I'm serious then I'll start to miss you even more than I already do and I'll start to cry. My makeup will get messed up, I'll look a wreck and I don't want that to be the way you remember me." Nicole's voice cracked as she spoke.

"I miss you too already but we'll see each other in a few days like we planned right?"

"My last exam is on the seventh, my plane leaves that afternoon and I should be arriving in Rome late on the eighth or early in the morning on the ninth."

"Hopefully I'll have found a place by then."

"I'm sure you will. When does Drea arrive?" Andrea Mieir, Carmen's bet friend at school, was also going to be attending the Institute and the two young women planned on being housemates for the summer.

"The tenth. She says thank you by the way."

"For what?"

"For paying for wherever it is we end up staying."

"Oh well, why not…anyway it will be fun to have a roommate don't you think."

"I guess I mean I've never lived with anyone but you. Hopefully we'll get along and still be friends by the end of the summer."

"I'm sure you will. You're going to have a great time. Take time out to play, don't just work all the time. Get out there and meet people…be a wild woman."

___________________________________________________________

Rome – June Summer Freshman Year

Nicole walked through the airport in Rome; because of heightened security Carmen was unable to meet her at the gate. Finally she reached the baggage claim area where Carmen was waiting for her. They hugged long and hard Nicole running her hands up and down the taller girl's back as if to reassure herself that she wasn't dreaming; that Carmen was indeed in her arms. They kissed but unsure of how such a public display of affection between two women would be taken here, the kiss was a brief and somewhat unsatisfactory one.

"God I missed you. I can't wait to get back to the house so that I can kiss you properly. And take a nap with you, I miss sleeping next to you sweetheart."

"Hmmm sounds nice I haven't been sleeping well either. I miss holding you, the cats are simply not an acceptable substitute."

"Good to hear it." They stood by the baggage carousel waiting for the luggage from Nicole's flight to begin coming around. "It looks like they're going to start any minute now. How much did you bring?"

"One bag." The red warning light signaling that the carousel was about to begin moving began to flash. "Oh they're starting I hope my stuff is in this first batch."

"Is that it?" Carmen pointed at a bag she thought she recognized.

"Yep."

"Jesus Nic you're only here for a few days not weeks." The bag was so huge it took both of them to wrestle it off of the conveyor belt.

"I can't help it. I always over pack you know that. Besides Paulie carried it by himself."

"Then it's a good thing I asked Dominic to come with me to pick you up, he can carry this baby into the house and up the stairs."

"Who's Dominic?"

"That's him over there," the brunette pointed to a short swarthy looking young man who was standing a few feet away. Carmen waved him over, "He's the housekeeper's son, he's the handyman takes care of the property runs errands that sort of thing. And he drives me pretty much everywhere. These people drive like lunatics I'm afraid to get behind the wheel."

"Yes Signorina"

"Carmen Dominic please call me Carmen. This is Nicole, my girlfriend I was telling you about."

"Ah yes. A pleasure," he took Nicole's small hand in his and bowed slightly at the waist, "Carmen did not do your beauty justice."

"Hello Dominic a pleasure to meet you."

"Let me get that." Dominic snagged a luggage cart and easily lifted Nicole's over-sized and over stuffed bag onto it. "I thought you said she was only coming for a few days?"

"I have a tendency to over pack," Nicole proffered by way of explanation. "Not to mention that someone, who shall remain nameless, asked me to bring her a few things she forgot at home."

The drive to the house Carmen had rented went quickly with Dominic pointing out various local attractions and points of interest. "Over there on your left is Battalia's, they make the best bread in town. Just down the block is the cheese shop where my father used to work when I was a boy, excellent fresh mozzarella and a Pecorino Romano that could make a true believer out of anyone."

Suddenly Dominic pulled over honking the horn as he did so and startling a young lady who was walking by the side of the road. He leaned over opened the passenger side door and began speaking in rapid fire Italian. Laughing she got in the car and turned around to offer her hand in greeting to Carmen and Nicole in the back seat. "Forgive Dominic his lack of manners, he means well but sometimes he lacks in the social graces. I'm Eugenia Dominic's sister. I understand you are renting the Fausto place for the summer, my mother tells me you are here to attend the summer program at the cooking school."

"That's me," Carmen raised her hand slightly.

"Oh I thought there were to be two of you living there and going to the school."

"There will be but Andrea hasn't arrived yet. Nicole is simply visiting before school starts."

"Ah I understand." Eugenia's gaze took in their joined hands; Nic's thumb stroking the back of Carmen's hand. Her smile widened and an eyebrow shot up. "I have two students renting out rooms from me perhaps you know them…Mauricio Di Fillipo and Jason Telchin."

"I don't really know Jason all that well, he's two years ahead of me in school. The other name you mentioned, Mauricio? I don't know him at all."

"He's a nice fellow, perhaps you'll meet him the day after tomorrow then, Mama invited us all to dinner at her house. It's supposed to be a welcome for our summer guests and a chance for you to meet up with some of the other students outside of the school. But I think she thought that your friend, the other girl, is who arrived today not your `friend'."

"Oh."

"Not that it would matter to Mama one way or the other…" Dominic cut in.

"Eugenia also has cats." Nicole looked perplexed but gamely tried to follow the conversation.

"We have two, Cider and Dickens. Cider's orange and white and Dickens is solid black. What are yours' named?" Eugenia chuckled.

"No I don't actually have cats, I'm very allergic to them. In the local…how do you say…slang a woman who is said to "have cats" is a lesbian."

"Oh I get it."

They continued driving along chatting amiably till they reached Eugenia's house and they dropped her off. Finally they arrived at the house. Dominic took Nicole's bag upstairs while Carmen showed her around and introduced her to the housekeeper, Dominic and Eugenia's mother, Angelina.

They went to museums, St. Peter's Basilica and the Trevi Fountain and spent hours simply walking, shopping and talking. They went to a new restaurant every day, trying out various places that Eugenia and Dominic recommended. Nicole's visit ended all to quickly, her last night there they ate in the garden, a romantic dinner for two prepared by Angelina and Andrea, who had arrived the previous day.

"Nervous?"

"Sorta."

"Don't be sweetie, you're going to do fine and you'll have a great time. This is going to be a wonderful summer for you. A learning experience and all."

"Oh I know it's like the first day of school jitters thing is all."

"And if you need me to I can come back out."

"No I'm sure that won't be necessary. Besides Drea's here to keep an eye on me."

"This cheesecake is amazing."

"Drea made it. It's her specialty really."

"She'll make a fine pastry chef one day."

"I think so."

"Lets finish this and then go to bed. I need to make love to you, taste you, feel your skin sliding over mine."

"Never mind dessert." Standing up Carmen held her hand out to Nicole.

The clinking sound of silverware hitting the plate and Nicole's small hand in hers was all the encouragement Carmen needed to start heading upstairs to the bedroom.

___________________________________________________________

Somewhere over the Atlantic – June Summer Freshman Year

Nicole wadded up another tear soaked Kleenex and stuffed it into the small paper bag she was using as a trash can. The cabin was dark and the soft snores of her fellow travelers could be heard around her. She hadn't been able to sleep instead she's spent most of the flight silently crying as she stared out the window and occasionally writing in her journal.

She couldn't seem to shake the sense of dread that had settled on her shoulders.

The truth was that she would rather have stayed in Italy with Carmen for the summer but she'd given her word to Paul before they'd even known about the Summer Institute. She'd pitched his idea to her mother and the VP of Operations at one of her mother's companies; they'd been hired on as consultants to produce an actuarial program. Now with the summer ahead of them it was time to buckle down to work.

The former cheerleader was startled out of her thoughts by a voice in the darkness asking, "Let me guess…Love problems right, you were here for a semester or perhaps a year abroad and now you have to go back. He of course lives here or at least somewhere not near you and you're, of course, heartbroken. Am I right?"

"I beg your pardon?" The overhead light suddenly went on and Nicole blinked owlishly at the woman next to her. She was older, in her mid-forties, hair cut stylishly to frame her face. She was wearing a sleeping mask, which she removed to reveal slate gray eyes filled with warmth and compassion.

"If you would like to talk I can listen."

"No that's okay thank you though."

"You sure because," the woman checked her watch, "we've been in the air for four hours and 23 minutes and you've been crying since before takeoff."

"I'm sorry I didn't mean to disturb you."

"Not a problem really."

The flight attendant suddenly appeared next to them, "Can I get you anything Mrs. Chasnoff, Ms. Julian?"

"I'll have a scotch on the rocks and do you have any unsalted nuts or pretzels?"

"Both or if you'd like I can bring you some fresh fruit salad."

"Pretzels for me please."

"And you Ms. Julian?"

"I'll have a ginger ale and some fruit would be lovely thank you."

"Certainly and I'll take that for you," the flight attendant, Virginia according to her name badge, took Nicole's paper trash bag. "Would you like another bag and some more tissue?"

"Yes please."

"I'll be right back then."

"So first things first I'm Sheila Chasnoff and you are?"

"Nicole Julian." They shook hands and then sat silently waiting for Virginia to bring them their drinks.

"Here you go. That was scotch for you, Mrs. Chasnoff, and ginger ale for you, Ms. Julian. And some fruit and pretzels, if there's anything else you need just press the call button."

"Thank you Virginia." The flight attendant left to take her seat in the galley.

"So Nicole Julian tell me your story but first," she held up her class then took a sip. "Want some?" without waiting for an answer she poured the rest of the miniature bottle of scotch into Nicole's glass. "You look like you could use it."

"Ummmm sure. What the hell I'm not driving right?"

"Atta girl. So spill was I at least close?"

"Yes and no. I just left my girlfriend in Rome for the summer. We live in New York but she's in Italy for a summer program that her school has."

"Ah young love. And you're worried that what she's going to forget about you maybe meet someone else. Someone she likes more. Is that it?"

"Yeah how do you…"

"Been there."

"And what happened?"

"He left." Sheila took another sip of her drink and grabbed a handful of pretzels, "But he came back. He always has, always will. What's your partner's name?"

"Carmen."

"And how long have you been together?"

"A little over two and a half years."

"You trust her?"

"Uh-huh"

"She ever cheat on you before?"

"No not really."

"What does that mean?"

"When we…before we started `going out', when we were just fooling around sort of…she slept with someone else. Just once and I guess it was sort of justified in a way I mean I did the same thing first. But since then we've been exclusive."

"So why are you worried?"

"Because…because other than that one other time she's only been with me and I worry that she'll…"

"Wonder what other people are like, other women…men even?"

"Yeah"

"This other person was a woman or a man?"

"A woman. A friend of ours."

"And has she given you any reason to think she's looking to `expand her horizons' as it were?"

"Just vague things…it's a feeling a gut feeling is all. She had this friend in high school Connor but," Nicole waved her hand in dismissal. "And there's this friend of ours', Paul, that I know she has…had a crush on."

"What else?"

"Well we spent the last few days in Rome sightseeing having fun you know? Anyways…I don't know…she was noticing a lot of guys and a lot of guys noticed her. Don't get me wrong, Carmen's beautiful, guys notice her but not like this usually. Back in the states, in high school she got overlooked a lot…she's…we went to high school in Santa Monica, California. In Southern California the way you look is everything."

"And she's not some thin model type cheerleader I take it?"

"Well we were cheerleaders but you hit the nail on the head otherwise."

"So in other words Carmen, that's her name right? Carmen's more in line with the average American woman size-wise but has pretty much always gotten flak about it because, for some God forsaken reason, society keeps trying to force women to look like either adolescent boys or prepubescent girls." Sheila pressed the call button and held up her glass, "I'm going to have another one. You want one?"

"No thanks. Are you sure you should have another one?"

"I'm fine don't let the rant fool you. I'm a professor in the Women's Studies Department at The University of Washington in Seattle. I teach a course called Women, Body Image and the Media." Nicole nodded.

"Anyway you were saying…"

"Right. Well it just seems that in Italy…this last week she's been hit on by more guys than I could count."

"And you're feeling like since `the cat's away the mouse will play' is that it?"

"Can I get you another drink Mrs. Chasnoff?" Virginia the flight attendant, asked.

"Yes, in fact make it two this way I don't have to bother you again."

"It's no bother at all. Can I get you anything else? What about you Ms. Julian?"

"I'm fine thank you." Nicole waited till Virginia was out of earshot before continuing. "Curiosity killed the cat…"

"and satisfaction brought it back. Remember how I said he came back," Nicole nodded. "When my husband, John and I were first married we lived in Tucson. He was working on his PhD in Linguistics and I had just finished my Master in Women's Studies. We were both adjunct professors at the University there, anyway he was offered the chance to attend and present at the Summer Linguistics Institute that was being held that year at Penn State, and he went while I stayed in Tucson teaching summer school. While he was there he met someone, a man and he experimented…and it pissed me off but I also understood. He had always been vaguely attracted to other men but never enough to actually do something about it till he met this one fellow, Peter. I certainly had had my share of lovers, male and female. I didn't want to seem like a hypocrite, you know `it's okay for me to have experienced both but not you'. So we talked and eventually came to a compromise."

"Which was?"

"It's okay for us to be with other people provided that it's short term, not where we live and not with people of the opposite sex. Also our relationship comes first, we come home to each other. Don't bring anything home disease wise and most importantly don't lie about what's happening." Sheila stopped talking as she saw Virginia approach.

"And you've been married how long?"

"Twenty-two years in February."

"Wow! And have there been many others?"

"Four or five over the years."

"And you?"

"Never. Oh I've looked but I've never had an overwhelming desire to touch more along the lines of an idle curiosity that I've never had the inclination to spend the energy satisfying. I got my `catting' around out of the way pretty early in life…much like you I suspect."

"If you'd like to call it that."

___________________________________________________________

Nicole and Carmen's House – July 3rd Freshman Year

"Nic! Nicole! Wake up Carmen's on the phone." Paul shook Nicole whose eyes shot open at hearing that her lover was on the phone.

"Thanks Paul. I didn't even hear the phone ringing. What time is it anyway?"

"2:00 AM almost. I don't think she's gotten then hang of that whole time difference thing yet."

Carmen had been gone a little over a month and in that time she had never managed to call at a reasonable time, when people where still awake. Nicole, of course, always took her calls anyway but it would have been nice to get a full night of uninterrupted sleep. Paul had taken to making little comments about how grouchy and tired Nicole was.

"It's pretty much a lost cause I think. Sorry. Go back to sleep I'll see you in the morning."

"Don't stay up too late."

"Yes, Dad." Nicole picked up the phone next to the bed.

"Hi sweetheart. How are you?"

** Good…I'm good. I had a great day today. A bunch of us went out for dinner and then back to Angelina's for coffee. Mauricio made the most delicious tiramisu yesterday so we had that for dessert. **

"Sounds like fun. Who else was there?"

** Well Jason of course since he lives there. I think Drea has her eye on him, she was there. And Rene and Claude those guys from France I told you about, remember."**

"Uh-huh"

** So what have you been up to? Apologize to Paulie for me would you I don't mean to keep waking him up." **

"Will do. We've been working. We took Javi to Chuck E. Cheese for dinner. Paul sulked the whole way home because the kid beat him on the Whack-a-Mole game."

** Jeez how old is he? **

"Javier? Six. Paul? Technically he's 4 since he was born on a leap year but he's really 19. Not that you'd guess that based on how he acts sometimes." Carmen laughed, a light silvery tone that delighted Nicole to no end.

** I miss you Nikki. I love you, you know that right? **

"I miss you too. So do the cats, they're right here you want to say hello?"

** No it's okay. **

"You sure?"

** Nicole I want to be serious. **

"So you want to talk about…" she swallowed past the lump that was developing in her throat. "About what we talked about the other day, about him right?"

** About Mauricio, yes. **

"I know his name. You don't have to throw it in my face."

** Nikki **

"No! I don't need to hear his name every time you call…if you want to be with him fine but I don't want to hear his name, hear how wonderful he is what a great time your having with him. I don't want to know any of it. At least give me that."

** I love you Nicole. That hasn't changed not in the least. **

"Promise. You're not just saying that promise me you're not just saying that."

** I promise with every thing I am. You are my heart, my always. This is just for the summer just for curiosity just for fun. **

"Really?" Carmen could hear Nicole sniffling on the other end of the line and she imagined the blonde swiping at her nose with the hem of her nightshirt.

** If you'd rather I didn't then just say so okay. **

"No I don't want…I want you to be happy to have a good summer even if it means being with him. But remember it's just for the summer, play safe and most importantly he better be out of the picture by the time I get out there on the 10th of August. He understands about you and me right? That I come first with you, that your primary emotional attachment is to me."

** Yes Nikki he knows all of that. **

"If things with you change you'll tell me right?" Nicole's voice quavered betraying her insecurity.

** Of course, sweetheart. But nothing's going to change between us. I will always love you, I'm in love with you. I'm in like with Mauricio, that and a serious case of lust is all there is to it for me. Nothing more I swear. **

"I love you Carmen I love you so much and I trust you but I'm scared. I'm so very, very scared of losing you part of me wants to beg you not to do this and another part, an even bigger part, just wants you to get it over with, get this out of your system, and come back to me. To our life here at home with the cats."

** I will sweetheart. I promise. **

"I love you."

** I love you too. **

"I gotta go."

** Nikki? **

"I gotta go…I can't talk anymore. I just…I gotta go. I love you." Nicole quickly hung up the phone.

She got put of bed put her robe on and went downstairs to the kitchen. Paul, wisely decided not to come see what the commotion was about. The next morning Donna, who had been at her mother's house with Javier, found the kitchen floor covered in broken china.

___________________________________________________________

She had been lying on the bed reading and remembering for several hours before she finally picked up her pen and began to write.

Nicole's Journal – July Freshman Year
July 6th

I'm going to be okay. She will come back to me. I know she will. I'm going to be okay. I'm going to be okay. Maybe if I write it enough it will be true. Oh god what will I do if it's not? What will I do?

___________________________________________________________

Nicole's Journal – August Freshman Year
August 9th

She came home early and surprised me. It was like Christmas and my birthday and the first time I kissed her all rolled into one. I read this poem once that just sums it all up.

My heart is like a singing bird
Whose nest is in a watered shoot;
My heart is like an apple tree
Whose boughs are bent with thickest fruit;
My heart is like a rainbow shell
That paddles in a halcyon see;
My heart is gladder than all these
Because my love is come to me.

Christina Rossetti, A Birthday

I should call Sheila and tell her she was right but I'll do that later right now I'm going back to bed.