After the First Death

Title: After the First Death

Author: Carla

Rating: A for Angst, G for content

Pairing: B/C

Disclaimers: The only thing of value I own is my cat, Cider so if TPTB that own Popular and its characters want him they are free to try and get him. After all there is only so much blood you can get from a stone.

Warning: If the title didn't clue you in already then consider this fair warning. Someone dies.

Archiving: Ask and I shall be most happy to share. Flattered too.

Note: (( )) indicates unspoken thought

Additional Note: This story continues in Angelina's companion piece called Ticket to Ride.

"Sam!!" "Sammy!!"

Sam McPhearson turned around, a huge smile on her face and bent down to catch the two small bodies running towards her in her arms. "Hi Nicky, how's my big boy? Nell, how's the most beautiful girl on the planet?"

"Fine" "Okay"

Sam adored her niece and nephew, seeing them always brightened her mood. The children were always a pleasure she treasured but as her career had progressed one in which she was able to indulge herself less and less.

"We got a new pool. Do you want to go swimming?"

"Are you going to be here for a long time?"

"Will you take us to the zoo? We went to the zoo on a school trip and saw the Kimono Dragon."

"That's Komodo Dragon, stupid" Nell said with that superior attitude little girls have with their brothers.

"That's what I said Nelly, Komodo Dragon, and I was scared at first but then I wasn't."

"Yes, I'm sure you were very brave Nicky. Let's go inside I want to say 'Hi' to your mom."

Sam still carrying the children walked to the open front door where Brooke stood. (( My God! She looks so beaten and defeated. I haven't seen her this thin since high school.)) Sam put the children down and reached out to pull Brooke into her embrace. She buried her face in the other woman's hair noting that it was lank and stringy, not the usual lustrous gold that Sam remembered so well. Brooke started crying, deep soul wracking sobs that traveled through out her entire body.

"I know, I know, I'm sorry, so very, very sorry. I can't even begin to imagine how you must feel. I'm here now. We'll get through this. Anything, anything you need. We'll get through this. You'll see." Sam whispered in Brooke's ear.

"Mommy don't cry"
"Why are you crying mommy?"

Still holding Brooke, Sam looked at the children, their normally sunny faces clouded over with worry for their mother.

"Nicky, Nelly why don't you two get changed for the pool. Hmm. I want to talk to Sam for a moment. Okay?"

"Race you"

"No fair you cheated!" Nell called after her brother's retreating form. "Mommy he cheated. Nicky didn't wait for the race to start."

"Go get dressed honey. Don't worry about Nicky"

"Please don't cry Mommy. I don't like it when you cry."

"I know sweetheart."

"When is Mama coming home? She's going to miss Sam if she doesn't come back soon." With that the child turned and ran towards her bedroom.

"You haven't told them?"

"No, she's always traveled so much for work that it doesn't surprise them if she's not home for weeks at a time." Brooke sighed heavily.

"When are you going to tell them? They need to know Brooke. She's their mother too, they have a right to know."

"I couldn't tell them alone. Help me Sam. I can barely..." Tears streamed down Brooke's face. "The only reason I get up in the morning is them. They're all I have left of her. This house, our bedroom, the cats ... all these, these 'things' mean nothing without her. Nothing. I mean nothing without her."

Sam waited for Brooke to continue sensing that the other woman wasn't done talking. "I'm so angry with her, how could she leave me, them, us our life together? How could she do this? I would do anything, say anything just to have her walk through that door." Brooke's voice lowered to a whisper "anything."

"Brooke, she did not do this on purpose. She died in an accident, a terrible accident. Some drunk did this to her, to you. She loved you through high school, college always. She loved your life together. She loved those children. She did not abandon you, a drunk took her from you."

"No, Sam, you don't understand, Carmen was the drunk behind the wheel. She was so drunk she never even noticed that she was getting 'On' the 'Off' ramp. She shouldn't have been driving, so you see she 'DID' do this to us. She did it and I miss ... I MISS her so very, very much. And I hate her."

"And I don't know how to go on without her."

"Brooke, I'm here for you; for Nicky and Nell and we'll, all of us, get through this together."

~~~~~

"Nicky, Nell can you come in here please? Mommy and Sam want to speak with you."

Brooke sat on the living room sofa a small blond body on either side of her. Silent tears streamed down her face. "Mommy, why are you crying? Don't cry" "Mommy please"

Sam fidgeted in her chair, clearly the children were becoming more and more agitated. It was time to explain to them, to tell them about Carmen but how do you explain to a child that their mother is never coming home again. How do you explain death, senseless death at that, to a child; hell it was hard enough explaining to herself.

"Nicky, Nell ... you know that Carmen, Mama, loves. loved you very much. She would never leave you unless she had no choice. Right?"

The children nodded their heads as if to indicate that they understood where Sam was headed; though from the looks on their faces they were plainly confused.

Brooke spoke up. "Remember when Pooky died. We buried Pooky in the backyard, remember?" the children nodded again. "And do you remember how after we put Pooky in the ground Mama explained that Pooky was dead and how that meant that Pooky was never coming back."

Now Sam spoke. "When people die, it's like Pooky, they don't come back. You still remember the person but you can't ever see them again. Like Pooky."

"Where's Mama?" Nell asked quietly, her bottom lip trembling. Nicky just turned into Brooke, tears streaking his face.

"Carmen ... Mama won't be coming home, sweetie. She was in an accident, in the car and she was hurt very badly. The ambulance came and took her to the hospital. The doctors tried very hard to make her better but Mama was very hurt and as much as they tried the doctors couldn't save her. Do you understand what I'm saying?"

"Mama's dead, like Pooky, she's not coming back. That's why Mommy cries isn't it?"

"That's right Nicky, Mommy loves ... loved Mama very much and she misses her."

"Is Mommy going to die too?"

Brooke wrapped her arms around the children drawing them closer to her. "Oh no sweetheart, I'm not going anywhere. I love you very much. I'm not going to die, not soon anyway. This is very important so listen carefully, 'Mama loved you both very much. She didn't want to leave you. She had an accident. If Mama had her way she would have lived long enough to see you both grow up and graduate from college and get married and have children." Brooke stopped speaking, the lump in her throat constricting even sound from coming out. Now she could only hold her children as tears poured forth.

The children sobbed loudly.

Sam sat in her chair, watching the three people she loved most in the world begin the grieving process and remembered her old friend as her own tears finally came.

~~~~~

Carmen Ferrara born April 20, 1984 died tragically August 7, 2013

She is survived by her life partner,Brooke McQueen and their children, Nicholas (age 5) and Nell (age 6) Ferrara-McQueen. Also survived by a brother, Leo Ferrara. Internment at Sunset Hills Memorial Park, Kirkland, Wa. Please call Green's Funeral Home for details. At the family's request donations in lieu of flowers to Mothers Against Drunk Driving or the charity of your choice. PLEASE THINK BEFORE YOU DRIVE.

~~~~~

4 months later:

The blue Subaru Legacy pulled over to the side of the road. Two women, a boy and a girl got out and walked over to the newest sign to grace the exit ramp.

"Look Nicky, Nell there's Mama's sign"

The children nodded solemnly. Holding hands they walked towards the sign and gently touched the pole. Then they lay a bouquet of flowers on the ground. Together they turned around and ran towards Brooke and Sam.

"Can we go to the zoo now?"

"Yes Nicky, we'll go to the zoo now."

Finis

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