Title: Mess
By bwpbard
tv.groups.yahoo.com/group/MarinaFic
Danish writing: groups.yahoo.com/group/bwpbard
I have to warn you, my native language is Danish, not English. Spelling and grammar can be a bit….alternative….
Disclaimer: Don’t own any of them…
Pairing: Marina/
Rating: probably lesser than R
I might have taken some liberty with the canon – sorry for that.
Meeting Marina part 6
Mess
***From ‘Future’ – Meeting Marina part 4****
Shane kissed Lara – within a heartbeat the kiss turned passionate, but Shane ended it way to soon. “I’m sorry,” she husked. “I have to meet Marina.”
“Marina…” Lara hesitated, but then she caught Shane’s eyes. “Are you in love with her?”
“What?!” The shock in Shane’s voice was almost palpable. “I mean… what?!”
“You went through an awful lot to find her, didn’t you? All those hours and all the money you must have spent. And I know you slept with her before we left Barcelona, so I think it’s a fair question to ask. I want to know where I fit in all this.”
**********************************
Part 1
Shane wasn’t going to answer that question. Nope. It was too ridiculous. Too far out. Too… too… too… everything, damn it!
“She’s my friend,” Shane finally said. It was not very profound or original, but she couldn’t find anything cleverer to say.
“Right,” Lara mumbled, clearly not believing the weak statement.
“What’s THAT supposed to mean?” Shane nearly sneered. It was not often she lost her cool like that. Carmen had been one of the few who….
“You roamed the world for her,” Lara pointed out. “That should tell you something.” She paused and took Shane’s hand gently. “And when you finally decide to listen, I want to know where it leaves me. I mean, I put my damn life on hold and followed you, didn’t I?”
“Why did you, then, when you clearly think I’m going to screw you over anyway?” Shane asked almost tartly.
“You already screwed me, Shane. You needed my silence, my cooperation. I could have ruined your chance, or at least made it more difficult for Marina to return without revealing too much of the truth – that is; the truth as far as we know, the one she offers us. I know some of her secrets and I know enough to know that there’s a lot more hiding behind those dark eyes. And you should be careful about that, too.”
It was a defensive attack, and a good one at that, but it wasn’t an answer to Shane’s question. And that in itself was answer enough. Shane found it best not to go into that now - things were complicated enough already.
“Believe me, Lara,” she said caressing the other woman’s stomach. “I want you to be here.” A raised eyebrow indicated that she meant both West Hollywood and the bed they currently shared.
Lara’s calm breathing stopped and a soft moan replaced it. Shane lowered the touch and Lara’s breath returned – now laboured and strained.
“Maybe I should convince you just how much.”
“Maybe you should,” Lara whispered. “I’m too fucking easy.” Suddenly her hand stopped Shane’s. “NO! You’re not going to do that to me again, Shane. I may be easy, but I’m not stupid!”
Shane had the decency to blush. Lara jumped out of the bed, giving herself a most needed distance to Shane and Shane’s body.
“Why did your relationship with Carmen end, Shane?”
Shane’s heart hammered wildly. “W...What?”
“Why, Shane? You still love her and she still loves you, you said that yourself.”
“I did WHAT?” Shane’s confusion was almost palpable. Suddenly she remembered talking to Marina about it – Lara must have overheard the conversation. ‘Shit, shit, shit, what else did I fucking say? Shit!’
Lara nodded, confirming her suspicion. “But you didn’t give Marina an explanation to why you and Carmen split up. So why did you, Shane?”
‘Shit, shit, shit!’ Lara certainly knew where to dig up the dirt and Shane wasn’t used to that – except from Carmen. The similarities between the two, shouldn’t surprise her – not really. Neither Carmen nor Lara were bullshitters like most people. They were honest and straightforward, and Shane admired that – under different circumstances, anyway – now it was a pure pain in the ass.
“She could… she couldn’t deal with it anymore,” Shane finally said.
“What couldn’t she deal with, Shane?”
Shane looked at her hands, not finding any words there she could use to make this less painful.
Lara sat beside her again. “Carmen couldn’t deal with your“ she moved in for the kill “obsession with tracking Marina down, could she?”
****************************
“Hey, T, where are you going?” Carmen crossed the street and reached Tina before she entered the car. “Can you give me a lift?”
Tina smiled warmly and they hugged. “I’m on my way to The Planet, Carmen, but I’ll be happy to drive the lady anywhere she wants to.”
Carmen jumped in next to Tina. Tina’s restless hands drummed on the wheel and she seemed almost … giddy.
“What are you so exited about? Hot date with the wife?”
Tina hands stilled. “Eh, no, not exactly.”
“Tina?”
Carmen and Tina had become good friends over the years, and Tina didn’t want to lie to a friend, so even if the truth might hurt a bit, she told it: “Marina is back. I’m on my way to see her.”
Carmen stiffened. “So Shane finally found her, then?”
Tina nodded. “I suppose so.”
Carmen visibly got a hold on herself, before she continued: “I didn’t know you two were close.”
“We weren’t,” Tina paused uncomfortably, “exactly.”
Carmen stared at her for a long moment. “Oh man, you slept with her, didn’t you? Christ, am I the only one that woman hasn’t fucked?!”
Tina pulled the car over and turned around to face her friend. “It wasn’t like that… exactly.”
“What is it with that woman?” Carmen shook her head in exasperation. “She was practically the third party in my relationship with Shane. And Jenny… man, I won’t even GO there! And now you… even you… man, the most sensible woman of the whole lot!”
Tina blinked. A deep rooted need to finally come clean to someone, drew her words forward. “It was right after Bette and I broke up.”
“Before Helena?” Carmen asked.
Tina winched. “Yeah, before her. I went to The Planet right after my life turned upside down. Marina and I began talking. And finally she asked me if I still loved Bette and if I loved her enough to forgive her and fight for our love.
********** From ‘Hurt’ - Meeting Marina part 2.***************
“You think I should give her a second chance?” I asked.
“No.”
“What?!” That woman really got on my nerves. I never knew what to expect from her.
“That’s your decision, Tina, but you owe yourself a talk with her, to listen to her side of it, maybe things will clear up in your head after that – and then you can make an informed decision.” Marina’s dark eyes bore into mine. “If it’s still your decision to make.”
Oh God! My heart practically stopped at the thought of Bette moving on, entirely on her own. I got up from the chair. At least we had to talk, find out if there was something worth fighting for left between us.
I kissed Marina’s lips softly. “Thank you.”
She shrugged. “I wish you and Bette well.”
I turned to leave, but stopped myself. There was a question I needed to ask.
“Do you love Jenny?”
Finally I managed to get behind Marina’s usual calm detachment, her eyes widened in surprise and for a short moment I saw pain, sorrow and love twirl around in those dark depths, before she closed herself off from me.
“And are you willing to sacrifice your games, your emotional safety blanket for her?” I continued relentlessly, daring for the first time to really turn the tables on her, taking a huge leap into her comfort zone where few people, if any I knew of, were allowed to enter.
Her eyes were cold now, but I knew she used the coldness to protect herself. It wasn’t directed at me.
Suddenly she moved closer, grabbed me forcefully and kissed me hard. Every inch of me hummed with arousal. God, I couldn’t believe this woman. I tried so hard to resist, but soon I found myself returning the kiss passionately.
Then it was over. She stepped away.
When I finally opened my eyes, she smiled at me. “Thank you, Tina. Now go.”
******************************************
Tina had a faraway expression in her eyes. “This is the version I told Alice. Bette doesn’t know any of this, Carmen, and you have to promise me to keep it that way. That period of our lives brought us so much pain and hurt, and we made so many stupid decisions. I love Bette and our life now. I don’t want to stir everything up again.”
Carmen took Tina’s hand. “I’m your friend, T, I won’t mess things up for you.”
Tina nodded, her eyes bright with unshed tears.
“I guess the kiss didn’t end there, then?” Carmen grinned and winked at Tina, trying to lighten the mood a bit.
Tina grinned back. “No, not exactly.” She turned serious again. “We were both desperate, both on the edge and we needed… something… anything to keep it together.”
“And that turned out to be sex?”
Tina blushed. “It turned out that way, yes, but it wasn’t the important thing between us. Sex was a one time thing, but after that we talked a lot and she helped me through at lot of stuff with being pregnant and dealing with Bette’s infidelity – until the suicide attempt I never saw coming – and then she disappeared. I found myself lost once again and then I met Helena.”
Carmen considered this. “Are you saying that you wouldn’t have hooked up with The Big H if Marina still had been there?”
“I don’t know, Carmen, but probably not. I wouldn’t have needed what Helena offered me if Marina hadn’t left.”
Carmen’s eyebrow lifted, very Marina-like.
“No,” Tina laughed. “Not the sex. I needed the attention, maybe a much needed stroking of my fragile and bruised self-esteem – and Marina was VERY good at that. I missed someone who could brings things into perspective for me and help me deal with everything, without being a part of it – like Alice and the others were. I desperately needed someone to talk to. Not that Helena and I talked much about the heavy stuff, but the need drove me to her anyway.”
“That Marina is something, isn’t she?” Carmen muttered. “She made a vital impact on most of you, didn’t she?”
“Back then we never acknowledged it, never saw her as a REAL friend, just the friendly and exotic owner of The Planet, not really in the inner circle, but somehow a part of it anyway. I’m ashamed about how the whole community practically joked about the suicide attempt. The stories about it got more and more horrible and far out. Over the years she has almost become legend – an Urban Legend that everybody knows and everybody adds to.”
“And now the legendary and very real Marina is back.”
With concern Tina watched her friend’s slumped posture and sad eyes. “Shane loves you.”
Carmen shrugged. “Maybe that’s not enough, T, maybe that’s not enough.”
***From ‘Future’ – Meeting Marina part 4****
And now Marina was back.
Like Jenny had no will of her own, her legs led her to The Planet. Maybe Marina didn’t own The Planet anymore, but Jenny was certain that the café would be the likeliest place to find her.
And Jenny had been right. A tall, exotic woman stood with Kit in the bar. She smiled and laughed the way only she could. It was like being back in time, the thrill of seeing that particular body, that face, those eyes and lips… overwhelmed her. She wanted to run and hide, maybe find a dark secluded place where she could write an essay about how to get over your ex or a poem about moving on, leaving the past behind.
Suddenly the tall frame in the bar turned around and dark eyes bored into Jenny.
Marina was back.
***************************************
Part 2
And Jenny panicked. And when Jenny panicked she either fucked or … ran. So Jenny ran.
Marina’s eyes followed the frantic flight.
Kit shook her head. Some things never seemed to change. She carefully studied The Planet’s former owner. There was still a strong connection between these two women, the inscrutable Marina and the all too readable Jenny – even if life had moved on from what they once shared.
“Are you OK, Marina,” she asked.
“Is she in peace with herself?” Marina’s eyes returned to Kit. “Has she found contentment?”
Kit hesitated. “In a way, yes, she’s a reputable writer, writes for a lot of magazines and television. And she’s a vital part of the old gang now.”
“And love?” Marina’s eyes showed no emotion and it scared Kit. The old Marina expressed a lot with the eyes, even when her silence and face didn’t. This Marina was much more guarded.
“It’s… eh… difficult with Jenny. In some ways she’s a lot like Shane used to be.” Kit tried with a little humour. “Or you, for that matter.”
Marina’s eyebrow arched. And Kit smiled.
“She is still young,” Marina said.
“And that she is,” Kit agreed. She didn’t dare ask Marina whether she still harboured feelings for Jenny or not. Instead she chose a much safer road – even if it was still a tough one.
“Are you going to talk to her – about everything? I mean, I believe she needs that – at least she did. She was a mess after you … left….”
Marina seemed to consider this. “It is up to Jenny, Kit. I will not make things difficult for her – if I am still in a position to do that.”
A sound made Kit look out of the window. “Oh, Tina and Carmen are on their way in. You never met Carmen, did you?”
Marina dark and dangerous eyes zoomed in on the younger woman; the one who apparently managed to keep a hold on Shane longer than any woman, besides her mother, ever could.
“No, I never had the pleasure. I look forward to it.”
| Backstory | bwp bard | The L Word | Main Index |