Jailbirds - Destinies Crossed

Title: Jailbirds - Destinies Crossed

Author: bwp bard

DISCLAIMERS, RATINGS ETC: See part 1.

She never had a disturbingly violent orgasm on a toilet before, not to mention a soiled one with bars and a guard standing not far away.

Faith got up from her knees, wiping her mouth clean on Sam's T-shirt.

"You taste wonderful," she purred and kissed Sam softly on the lips.

Sam had tried to steer clear of Faith since. the sex...happened yesterday. They hadn't talked since Strawberry seated them together for the last meal of the day and Sam had faked being unwell.

Faith's eyes had been her all day and she felt like a pray for a very dangerous predator and somehow Faith managed to get her alone in the lavatory and then.

She couldn't help but deepening the kiss and for once Faith let her take charge. They stood there kissing like there was no tomorrow and like Sam wasn't about to have a visitor. Perhaps Brooke.

God.

She released Faith's lips and rested her head against the wall.

God.

She really didn't want to appear weak in front of Faith, not anymore, not after what had happened between them. No one should have that much power over another human being.

But she couldn't help it.

In a few minutes she could be sitting in front of Brooke, facing whatever their love had become and knowing that she had been having sex with someone else.

And even worse. having sex with someone else a few minutes before seeing Brooke.

God.

It sure wouldn't help their strained relationship a bit, would it?

"Hey, why are you crying?" Faith asked her concerned. "I didn't hurt you, did I? You didn't seem like you were."

"No," Sam hiccuped. "You. didn't.hurt.me."

"So. why do you cry, then?"

'For a lot reasons and most of them I can't tell you about.'

"Why are we doing this, Faith?"

Faith pursed her lips, confused by the question.

"I mean," Sam continued, ignoring the look on Faith's face. "You're just blowing off steam, aren't you? Using me to.to." She faltered and blushed.

Faith chuckled. "You really ARE an innocent, Sam. You really shouldn't be in jail."

"No, perhaps I shouldn't." Sam almost laughed at the irony. "You know that Strawberry is in love with you, don't you?"

'No more Miss Nice Gal' Sam wanted to rattle the other woman, make HER falter for once.

And she succeeded. Faith flinched and averted her eyes. "Yeah."

Somehow that tiny display of emotion smacked an unsuspected insight right in Sam's face.

"And you love her, too, don't you?"

Faith didn't answer.

"Why this, then? Why not."

"Straw has nothing to do with this." Faith's voice was raw with emotion. "And what damn feelings I have or don't have for her has nothing to do with anything."

"Why not? I don't understand." Sam felt an urge to punch the other woman but was wise enough to realize that such a move could be very fatal for her health.

Faith grabbed her face, measured her up with scrutinizing dark eyes and Sam felt a dangerous heat seeping from her skin.

"Listen to me very carefully, Sammy-girl. Straw is the closest thing to a friend I got in this fucking world and I don't want anything to screw that up. Got me?"

Terrified Sam nodded.

"She sees Nic in me, that's the part she has fallen in love with, but first and fucking foremost she also sees Faith and that's the part she befriends and cares for." A quick flash of pain passed her eyes.

"I'm not Nic and I refuse to be Nic for her! I choose to be Faith, with all the downsides that come with that territory. And you're NOT going to mess things up, are we clear on that?"

Faith released her. "Now go and see your visitor. Its time." And then she kissed Sam again, softly, sensual and highly arousing. A hand traveled down and gently, oh so gently, caressed and teased Sam to a sweet release.

***********

The one visiting her was not Brooke. Sam almost fainted from disappointment. And relief.

"Hallo, Sam."

Lilah Morgan smiled at her.

And Sam just stared. Confused and a little shaken. There was something in the lawyer's eyes that made her very uneasy.

And when she told the lawyer that she wanted out, that she was going to call Jack, Lilah Morgan just laughed.

"You are not going anywhere just yet, Sammy. I have a job for you before you leave."

"A job?"

"Yes Sammy, you're going to help me with something very important."

Sam knew something was wrong. All her instincts screamed 'danger, danger' and something told that the job wasn't going to be a pleasant one.

"Whatever it is I'm not doing it. I want out. I'm not doing this anymore."

Lilah Morgan smiled. It was not a nice smile and it chilled Sam to the bone.

"You will help me change the future one more time, Sammy, whether you want to or not."

"No." Sam shook her head determined. "I'm leaving."

Lilah Morgan leaned forward and caught Sam's eyes. "Think about this, Sammy." Again she smiled that smile. "Brooke, your beloved stepsister and lover, remember her?"

Fear penetrated every inch of Sam's body. "Brooke? What about her? What do you mean?"

"You haven't heard from her, have you?"

"N..No."

"Why do you think that is, Sammy?"

"Have you done something to her? Is she alright? If you do anything."

"She's fine, Sammy." Lilah Morgan smiled. Sam hated that smile. "For now."

"This 'job' is really why I'm in here, isn't it?"

Lilah Morgan nodded with a smug look on her face. "You're very naive, Sammy, if you think all this is arranged for a few stories about a prison and a inmate, how special that inmate may be."

"You tricked me."

"When I'm bad I'm very good, Sammy, but now you have a choice to make. I have wasted enough time."

Sam inhaled and closed her eyes, trying desperately to clear her mind.

"What is it going to be, Sammy?"

Sam exhaled slowly and opened her eyes. "What do you want me to do?"

"And you keep on having these visions, there isn't quite visions, but more like. dreams?" Buffy tried to clarify. "And they all speak of some sort of danger involving Brooke, her lover and. Faith of all people."

Cordelia nodded. "That's about sums it up."

"Except for those other dreams." Willow intervened, her face stiff with controlled emotion. "Our shared dreams."

"Except for those, yes. And I can't make any sense of any of them. Can you?"

Willow shook her head. "I can feel some sort of connection to something in that town, but it always escapes my hold. It's very illusive."

"And you don't see the child?"

"I know the child is there but something stops me from seeing her clearly. The voice in the dream keeps telling me to see beyond the grief. I don't understand what it means."

When they arrived in Sunnydale, the sight of a Buffy aged by worries met them. Her face had lost its former youthfulness and deep lines were present around eyes and mouth. The blond hair had more gray ones in it, that it should have at her age. The most significant change was the lack of spark, the missing light in her eyes.

Willow wasn't in a much better condition. Cordelia was shocked to see the Wiccan's sad eyes and haunted face. The babbling Willow that had been so full of enthusiasm and love of life was gone and in her place was a way too serious grown-up, who seemed tired and resigned.

Angel was right. The Summers house was a sad place.

"Where's Brooke now?" Wesley asked.

"She's out somewhere with Dawn. We expect them home soon." Buffy answered. "You know, she's not feeling well. She says some very weird things. A breakdown of some sort."

"We think she might have been manipulated or something. We know that her last psychiatrist was replaced by Lilah Morgan and that couldn't have been healthy for her. We have brought Kim Legaspi with us." Wesley explained.

"Your sister in law, right? The blond woman who is taking to Fred outside?" Willow asked.

"Yes, she treated Brooke before all this happened and she might help us find out what Lilah Morgan did to Brooke."

Buffy leaned back in the seat with a thoughtful expression on her face. "Do anyone know where Brooke's lover, Samantha McPherson is? Somehow we haven't focused much on her, have we? But according to what you're saying, she is disappeared into thin air?"

"Her bureau or agency or whatever its is, says she's on an assignment somewhere, but they refuse to tell is more." Cordelia said.

Willow sat up straight in her chair. "Brooke said something about Sam going to prison, we didn't think much of it because she says a lot of strange things, but maybe THIS means something."

"Prison?" Wesley mumbled. "Faith is in prison."

"And I am visiting Faith in a couple of days." Cordelia said.

*************

The most prominent indication that something was wrong with Brooke, were the almost manic facial expressions, exaggerated and caricatured like in a silent movie, and most significant the changes in her eyes. One minute they were wide and scared, the minute after they were either sad or empty.

Kim had talked with Brooke for more than an hour. No dangerous topics, only Smalltalk to soothe Brooke's nervousness.

Cordelia and the others were in the next room, listening to everything that was said.

"Do you know were Sam is, Brooke?" Kim asked in a soft, calm voice.

"Sam? Sammy? Sam doesn't love me anymore. Sam."

"Have Sam told you that, Brooke, that she doesn't love you anymore?"

"Sam? No, it was all revealed to me in a dream. Mrs. Temp made me dream. Sammy. Sam, she wants to leave me. Oh God. please, Sam, don't leave us, please.."

"Maybe we should talk to Sam about this, Brooke? What do you think about that?"

"Sam. Sammy, yes talk to Sam. I want Sam. please."

"Where is she, Brooke? Where can we find Sam?"

And then Brooke told a very incoherent story about Sam getting a very unusual assignment that she saw as a big opportunity. She was going undercover in a prison to write stories from the inside, focusing on one of the prisoners.

When Kim asked her about her new psychiatrist Mrs. Temp, it became clear that Lilah Morgan had somehow brainwashed Brooke to think Sam was tired of her, wanted to leave her and maybe even was being unfaithful.

It made Brooke pull back from her lover and it created a distance between the two of them that made Sam vulnerable and easy to manipulate.

A more stable Sam would probably have considered the assignment a bit more and would probably had wondered about some of the aspects in it that didn't add up.

Of course Brooke couldn't shed a light on why Sam was chosen and why Lilah Morgan had gone through all that trouble to get Sam inside a prison, near Faith.

The preparation of Brooke alone must had taken some time.

Lilah Morgan had been very thorough.

***************

"Can you help her get better?" Dawn asked.

Kim nodded. "I will start deprogramming her immediately. And I think being with Sam again would help the process considerable. Unless Sam really is going to leave her, but nothing indicates that."

"How do we know that Faith is not somehow involved with this?" Buffy asked. As an ally to Lilah Morgan or something?"

"She may want revenge." Willow eyes turned cold. "Ruin our lives one more time."

Softly Buffy touched her friend's trembling hand and their bodies moved closer to each other in support.

The intimate way the two of them interacted didn't escape Cordelia.

"I think Faith is the center of this, but not as the bad guy." she said calmly, not so long ago she was ready to believe it all was Faith's fault, but now she was sure that Faith was one of the possible victims of Lilah Morgan's plot.

"Are you sure, Cordy? Isn't it better to be safe than sorry?" Buffy's fingers entwined with Willow's.

"I'm sure, but maybe we'll know more when I have been to see her."

**************

Later that evening Cordelia and Kim ended up alone in the kitchen.

"They're not lovers, Willow and Buffy?" Kim asked, trying to make conversation.

"No."

"They act like they should be."

Cordelia shrugged.

"Look, Cordy." Kim hesitated. "This can't go on. We're practically related now. And it happened years ago."

Cordelia stiffened.

"And I'm sorry for behaving for badly." Kim hastened to add. "I was an ass. I shouldn't have left you that way."

"No, you shouldn't. You used me."

Kim reached out to touch her. Cordelia flinched and moved away for the offending hand. Kim smiled sadly.

"I didn't use you, Cordy, not the way you think, anyway. I was attracted to you and I told you things I haven't even told my best friends."

"Then why?"

"Will you believe me when I say I don't know?"

Cordelia snorted. "And you call yourself a psychiatrist?"

"At that time I was always running. When things got tough I ran, when things got complicated I ran, when I felt I opened up too much."

"Let me guess. you ran?"

"You got it." Kim smiled. "And you know the feeling don't you?"

"I guess I do, I have a open account by the local therapist's cough." Cordelia hesitantly returned the smile. "We just use different techniques. You run literally."

"And you run and hide behind coldness and sarcasm."

"Yeah, the scars of abuse never leaves you, do they?" Cordelia felt warm tears in her eyes.

Kim shook her head sadly. "No, they don't."

Right before she was going to see Faith, Cordelia dreamt of the town again.

The first dream began inside the brick house. She heard the bike stop outside. From the window she saw Faith and her blue-eyed amazon companion talking, saw Faith vigorously shaking her head, refusing to be left behind.

Suddenly she sensed another presence in the room. The blonde girl, not so much a child anymore, but a young teenager. Her hair had darkened, but what shocked Cordelia the most was the sad despair in the blue eyes and the bruises on her arms.

Even if she never knew the woman this teen would become that well, she recognized her immediately, and this time without any doubt.

Tara.

Willow's dead lover.

And the one who had tried to tell her something, something obviously important, for weeks.

Tara stared at the to women outside the house, both of them so out of place in this town.

A car drove up and stopped just before crushing the bike. Cordelia could see a woman open the window in the driver's side, her face was hidden in the shadows. She said something to Faith and her companion. The words clearly made them uneasy and nervous.

'No!'

Tara's voice began pleading again, like it had done so many times before.

'They mustn't leave. please.'

"Why, Tara? Why can't they leave?"

'Everything changes. What should have been isn't anymore.'

"Tara, you have to be more specific. Give me something to work on."

'I'll be back. I'll ask them again. This time they will believe."

**************

The last dream before visiting Faith was very different for the others.

This time Tara looked like she did when she died, or how Cordelia believed she must have looked. She hadn't seen much of Tara in the period before a stray bullet killed her and as a result making Willow ran amok in grief, trying to end the world.

"Hi." Tara greeted her shyly. "I have been granted permission to meet you in a more. ordinary way."

"It's sure better than those dreams, Tara. Why did you give them to me?"

Tara sat down on a chair in the bright room they were in. Cordelia followed her example.

"I tried to reach Willow, but her grief blocked me out. I couldn't penetrate enough of the barrier to get any thing coherent across, far less than I was permitted to show you. I have tried to reach her for months without success. Then I thought of you. We never really knew each other, but Willow spoke of you now and then. I figured as a Seer you would be receptive to my messages."

"You drove me insane, you know that, right?"

"Yeah, I'm sorry for that. I wasn't allowed to show you much."

"Much?" Cordelia snorted. "You showed me plenty, I just couldn't get a hold on it, what it meant. What has changed? Why are you here?"

Tara smiled. "I have tried for years to prove to them that somebody tampered with the way it was meant to be and now, finally."

"What?" Cordelia cried. "What did you say? Run that by me again."

"Somebody tampered with destiny."

"You mean that." Cordelia had great difficulties with accepting what she heard. "That this isn't how it's supposed to be? We live some sort of. a fake life?"

Tara shook her head. "No, yes. it's difficult to explain. This reality WAS meant to happen, but not to US."

"Like a parallel existence or what?" Cordelia confusion made her dizzy.

"Not quite, but close. The essence of it all is that OUR destinies has been altered."

"And that altering happened in that dusty, ratty mud hole of a ramshackle town?"

Tara laughed. "My hometown."

Cordelia had the good manners to blush, uncharacteristic shameful. "Umm, sorry."

Tara shrugged. "Never been described better, Cordelia, and I hated it there."

Sudden her eyes turned distant, like someone was talking to her.

"I haven't got much time now, so I have to be brief." She gave Cordelia a piece of paper with some strange words written on it. "Tell Faith to recite this words when she is alone. It will give me the opportunity to explain things to her."

"Faith? You want to explain things to FAITH? How about explaining them to me?"

"You play a very important role in all of this, Cordelia, but I have to be sure that Faith can and will do what she must do. But you'll be the one, Cordelia, the one that decides."

"Decides what, Tara?"

"I'm sorry.later." Tara's voice faded, became weaker. "Be patient." The contours of her body shimmered, she was about to vanish.

"Be patient, my ass! Easy for you to say!" Cordelia yelled angrily. "You have all the fucking clues, damn witch, Wicca or whatever it is you are!"

"You will decide. be patient.."

Cordelia woke up with a churning gut and a massive headache.

"Sometimes I really, and I mean REALLY, think I need a change of career!"

"Honey, are you talking to yourself again?" Fred's smiling face came into focus.

"I'm getting to old for this Seer-business." Cordelia grumbled.

"Is something up? Another dream? What's that piece of paper in your hand?"

Cordelia looked down and saw the note that Tara had given her in the dream.

The note to Faith.

Wow..

17a

"Are you in love with her, Faith?" Strawberry's green eyes avoided mine, but nevertheless I saw the hurt in them.

Should I lie and tell her yes, or should I tell her the truth? And what exactly IS the truth? And will the truth make her feel better?

Arh, how I hate sensitive chats! I thought my life would become easy and simple on the inside. No vampires and demons, no Watchers and Buffies, meals served three times a day and a bunk to crash on.

How fucking naive was I?

This was a community in its own right, with the same damn problems as on the outside. You fight, you cheat, you're high, you're low, you get friends and enemies. And you fall in love.

And you hurt the ones you care for.

Strawberry is always looking at me with those trusting green eyes, and I know that I don't deserve that trust from her.

I have known her all the time I have been in here and I have known of her even longer.

She seems younger than I do, but actually she's a couple of years older. Her innocent smile and youthful looks are deceiving and she doesn't have the look or the behavior of a seasoned prisoner.

In a way I'm responsible for her being in here. In a way I'm responsible for her lovers brutal death. Or at least I was the fucking instrument that was used to end her life..

Strawberry took my lack of response to her question as a confirmation of me being in love with Sam.

She closed her eyes for a moment, then she bend forward and softly kissed my cheek.

"I'm happy for you," she said in a strangled voice. "I really am. I had always hoped. But that was a silly dream I know that."

"Straw, I."

"No." Trembling fingers covered my lips. "Don't. Let's just forget this, okay? We're friends and that's important to me." She nodded, convincing herself that everything would be fine. That this wouldn't damage our friendship.

I wanted to affirm that, say something that would erase the pain in her eyes, but I didn't.

I walked away, leaving her with tears running down her face and with a pain in my heart that threatened to burst my chest.

Being a cold-hearted bitch was much, much easier.

**************

"What the flying fuck..!"

"Hallo, Faith." Cordelia said, almost making me faint in chock. And a tough no-nonsense slayer DOES NOT faint, so I swallowed the feeling and concentrated on being pissed off.

"You fucking tricked your way in here, you damn bitch!" I yelled into her face. The guard looked curiously at us, but he wasn't the smartest one in the stock, so the accusation didn't register in his underused brain.

Cordelia made hushing sounds and suggested that I sat down and relaxed. She wasn't going anywhere and it was very important that she talked to me.

She looked beautiful. A little bit older, a bit more weight on her bones and shorter hair. But still fucking beautiful.

Cordelia smiled to the guard. When she wanted she could charm the hair out of ones ass.

"Hi," she said. And sprayed something in his face. His eyes grew round and his body stiffened. "He's unconscious. When he wakes he won't remember a thing. Now we can talk more privately."

"Wicked cool, C!" I burst out, using an old favorite phrase for the first time in years.

Cordelia smiled stiffly and rolled her yes. "You haven't changed much, Faith, have you?"

I had, but she didn't need to know that, so I just shrugged and gave her a seductive grin.

That didn't sit well with Cordelia.

"Stop that, Faith! This is serious; I'm not here for the fun of it. I'm here because I had no choice, believe I wouldn't be her otherwise!"

Ouch. That hurt more than I thought it would. I knew Cordelia had every reason to hate my guts, but I really wished things between us had been different, or that her resentment wouldn't matter so much to me.

"Riiight, C, now that you have made that perfectly clear to me, why are you here then, sullying yourself in my presence?"

She sighed and shook her head. "Let's start again, shall we? Hi, Faith, how have you been?"

I nodded. She was right. We were heading towards something that should have been left behind years ago. Pointless arguments and snide remarks had always been the way we dealt with each other. When we didn't fuck each other's brains out, that is. But I didn't think her visit would lead to that.

"So," I said in a more accommodating tone. "You have gone to a lot of trouble getting in here under false pretense. My guess is that it's pretty important. World going under again? Hellmouth open wide and all the big baddies out at once? You got to tell me, I don't get much excitement and much less action in this hole."

Cordelia actually laughed at that and her eyes softened. It was nice to see something else than fear, contempt or hatred on her face.

And then she told me about her visions about a blonde and a brunette, her dreams of Willow's first girlfriend and how Tara had tried to tell her something important. Then she told me something that would have sounded impossible if you knew nothing about Hellmouth's, demons and slayers.

Somebody had changed the future and somehow I was connected to it all, because the change happened in that dusty town, where Nic tried to make me stay with her aunt. Back when I was barely in my teens.

"And you're telling me, Cordelia, that Lilah Morgan is up to something and has this Samantha McPherson planted in here?"

Sam. Sam McQueen, I was sure of it. She was the newest prisoner and the identical first name couldn't be a coincidence.

"What does that Morgan-bitch want with me?" I couldn't be of much use for her in here, could I?

"We don't know, Faith, but you." All sorts of emotions passed her face. ".you must be careful."

This was not good. I felt an incredible need to say and do some stupid things, make a fool out of myself, expose weaknesses that I wanted to hide to the world, especially to her.

"Cordelia." I began haltingly.

"Yes?" Her eyes rested on me now and my stomach clenched when I saw that some of the coldness had returned to them. She didn't trust me. And to be honest, she didn't have a reason to.

I have fucked or fucked over must of the people she ever loved or cared for.

Angel. Tried to kill him a couple of times.
Wesley. Tortured him.
Buffy. Did more to her than I wish to remember.
Willow. Threatened to kill her.
Xander. Fucked him literally. And fucked most of the Scoobies over more than once.

But one the things she hates me for on an intimate level, is how I ended our relationship.. If you could call what we had a relationship.

We fucked like rabbits in heat whenever we could and we, or rather SHE, did her best to keep it a secret.

I couldn't care less and only indulged her because of the things I could make her do to me as a reward for being silent.

And she was very, and I mean VERY, good at it. Being a virgin, technically, when I first got my hands on her, gave me the chance of training her to be an expert in pleasing me. And she was.

Do I sound like a cynical bitch? That's because I was.

One night after a very passionate interlude Cordelia made a mistake. I don't think she meant for me to hear it, but I did and it wrenched my gut and squeezed my heart and almost made me puke all over her.

And it was then that I knew I had to end it.

And what I did proved to be very efficient. Cordelia didn't speak to me again before today, apart from when I smashed her face in with an elbow.

17b

"Cordelia." Faith's voice sounded uncharacteristically unsure.

"Yes?" Cordelia looked at her, sensing her discomfort, but knew that Faith never was what she seemed. You never knew when she was being truthful or when she was about to fuck you over.

"I'm really sorry. about everything."

"Everything?" Cordelia raised a skeptical eyebrow.

Faith swallowed visibly. She wasn't comfortable with this situation and Cordelia kind off enjoyed that. Watching her squirm was a small revenge for everything Faith had done to her, but nevertheless a revenge.

"You're not going to make this easy for me, are you?" Faith asked wryly.

"Nope." Cordelia smiled sweetly. "Loving every minute of it."

And it was the truth, but there was no malice in it anymore, somewhere along the line of time she had stopped hating. When she looked at Faith she didn't see a heartless lover, a psychopathic killer or a treacherous slayer turning evil anymore.

She saw a young woman taking wrong decisions based on experiences made in a very young age. In a way Faith was a victim of abuse, too. No, not in a way. She now knew enough of Faith's past to know that she had been living in hell most of her childhood.

Living in hell didn't excuse her going bad and kill people, but it explained why it happened.

And it seemed like Faith had been willing to change and then maybe, a big maybe, Cordelia should be willing to forgive, too.

But Faith didn't need to know that. Yet. There was still some anger she had to let loose.

"Cordelia." Faith tried again. "I'm sorry for. hurting you."

"What exactly are you referring to, Faith? Messing everybody's life of? Trying to kill my friends? Or is it ruining my face or breaking my heart?"

Faith paled.

"You see." Cordelia was really on the roll here. "My face is healed up as you can see and my heart has learned to love again, so maybe you didn't have so great an impact as I thought at the time. Fucking doesn't necessarily produce real emotions does it?"

Faith's eyes showed her confusion and hurt.

"And I was young. Naive if you prefer that. And you used that to make me believe." Against her will Cordelia felt the heat of tears in her eyes.

"No!" Faith almost yelled. "It wasn't like that. It wasn't."

"How was it then?" Cordelia snapped. "Care to explain?"

"I." Faith stared at her hands, desperate seeking words. "I. wasn't ready for you. I wasn't ready to accept what you were offering me."

Sensing that Faith was truthful, Cordelia's face softened and she nodded slowly. "I'll buy the fact that you weren't ready, Faith, but its hard to forgive the cruel way you ended it. You destroyed something very essential in me that day, Faith. From that day on I even more difficulties with trusting love."

"I'm sorry." Faith said quietly.

"You're sorry?" Cordelia shook her head indignant. "Faith's says she's sorry and everything is alright again."

Faith stiffened. "Let's drop this, C, okay? It's not getting us anywhere. Let's stick to the trouble we're in."

"Fine by me." Cordelia sneered.

"Fine!"

Their eyes flashed and burned into each other.

**********

Cordelia left the prison with a strange feeling in her stomach.

Seeing Faith again had made her. unsettled. She had hoped to be unaffected by the meeting, had hoped she could act cool and professional, but it had been impossible.

Faith always got to her. Through the years whenever Faith's name was mentioned she reacted. Fred had picked up on that and Faith was the only person from Cordelia's past she felt jealous of. Leaving Cordelia alone with Kim Legaspi or Xander or whomever of her old lovers they met, didn't bother her. But Faith. Faith was a sore spot.

Why did Faith have that power, even years after their relationship had ended?

That was a question Cordelia didn't have any substantial answers to.

Faith had agreed to let Cordelia visit again, not for the pleasure of it, that they had assured each other, but strictly for business reasons.

When they talked business, their mutual animosity disappeared and it felt rather nice to be able to be civil to each other.

Faith had some difficulties dealing with the fact that her leaving Tara's hometown had made the future change drastically. And it really blew her mind that the deceased Wiccan insisted on TALKING to her. It was almost TOO weird, even for a slayer who had seen EVERYTHING.

"I met Tara once." Faith said thoughtfully. "Blond, cute and shy. I wasn't very nice to her."

"What a surprise." Cordelia mumbled.

"There must be some sort of connection between me and her." Faith continued, ignoring Cordelia's comment. "I mean the altering happening in HER hometown because I was leaving it. Strange."

"She wasn't very informative about that or anything else for that matter. She wanted to talk to you first."

"How do you think our lives should have been?" Faith asked tentatively. "Do you think.?" Faith stopped herself and shrugged. "Maybe its best not to speculate too much on that."

But when their eyes met, they could read thoughts in each other's eyes, about what might have been. If things had been different.

Sam fumbled with the little heart shaped metallic gadget Lilah Morgan had given her.

'An opening.' She smirked when she said that, obviously enjoying the situation. 'Use an opening. Mouth, ears, vagina, anus.'

Her brain was at its boiling point and she wanted to scream. She wanted to leave this hell on earth and find Brooke, make sure she was okay. And she wanted to kill Lilah Morgan.

Rather that than being killed by Faith, while she tried to use this mysterious gadget on the much stronger fellow prisoner. "This is really shit!"

"Shit happens." Strawberry said.

"What?!" Sam was confused. She hadn't heard Strawberry enter the cell.

"You were speaking out loud." Strawberry grinned. "Dangerous thing in here."

"Oh, I didn't realize. I was far away."

"I could see that. Where were you?"

Sam shrugged. This wasn't something she could discuss with Strawberry, even if she ached to do so. "Reevaluating my situation, I guess."

Strawberry sat down beside her. "Do you have anyone out there waiting for you. Family, friends? Or a lover?"

Sam felt nauseous. "All three." she whispered. "I hope."

"You're lucky. Not many people in here have that," Strawberry said sadly.

"How about you?" Sam asked. "Do you have anybody?"

Strawberry shrugged. "Some friends, I guess. My family disowned me because of Nic. They wasn't to keen on me falling in love with a woman, but when they found out who she was. I haven't seen or spoken to them since the trial."

"I'm sorry."

"That's okay. I had a taste of true love even if it was too short and for that I'm very grateful. I wouldn't have done things differently, even with the things I know now."

"How did Nic die? If it's okay to ask?"

Strawberry smiled. "Nobody asks me about that anymore. They're are afraid I fall apart, but I won't. I want to talk about her. It's a way of remembering her, honoring her memory."

She stared at the wall a second or two, recollecting her memories. "A friend of her called. She was in some sort of trouble and she wanted us to meet her at some place in the middle of gangland. Nic knew it was dangerous and as always she wanted me to stay behind. And as always I refused. 'Where you go, I go', I said to her." She swallowed hard, trying to keep her emotions in check.

"Suddenly we was surrounded. It felt like there was hundreds of them, but I know that can't be true. She was attacked from everywhere. With clubs, chains and knives. They went directly for her. They weren't interested in me at all. They hacked her to pieces."

Strawberry's eyes were wet with tears. "I went mad. I grabbed whatever I could get my hands one and started. killing."

"Oh God. It must have been. awful." Sam wanted to comfort her, but didn't know how. "It's a wonder you got through it, ending up here and all..."

Strawberry dried her tears and hugged her. "I did. It's what Nic would have wanted."

They sat together in a comforting silence and thought about how strange their lives had turned out.

"Sam, I need to talk to you." Faith stood in the doorway to the cell with an unreadable expression on her face. "Could you leave us alone for a minute, Straw?"

Strawberry nodded and looked at Faith curiously. "Are you okay?"

"Now, Straw."

When they were alone Faith moved closer to her. Sam became a little worried. She had never seen her cellmate like that. She looked more intimidating than ever.

Something was definitely wrong.

"You're not Sam McQueen."

That was definitely NOT what she had expected Faith to say.

"You're a reporter working for Lilah Morgan."

"Faith."

The person on question was now standing so close that Sam could feel her breath on the lips and against all reason she felt desire stir low in the belly. It was entirely inappropriate and not very smart considering what she had to stay focused to do.

Faith's nostrils flared and Sam knew that she was aware of what was happening. That woman had a nose like a damn hound!

"My, my." Faith said in a husky tone. "I call you on your lies and you turn horny. I think I like you, Sammy-girl, we would have been great friends on the outside. I would have fucked you until you squealed. And you would have liked it, wouldn't you?"

Sam knew that Faith was saying all that to get the upper hand on her, as always using one of her strongest assets, her amazing sexual magnetism, to get what she wanted out of a situation.

Sam knew all that. She wasn't stupid. All the stories about Faith, Strawberry and others had told, pointed to the fact that Faith used all means to reach a goal. Even if she apparently hadn't fucked her way through this prison, she used sexual intimidation when needed.

But Sam couldn't help but react. And she knew, and that turned her even more on, that she was probably the only one Faith had gone all the way with in the prison.

Faith clearly wanted her.

This was a side of herself she never knew existed, a dark side she wasn't proud of. She loved Brooke like she never loved anyone else in her life and she believed she would love Brooke until she died.

But this pull was very powerful. She couldn't rationalize it, even if she tried.

She had to keep her head clear, saving Brooke was the most important thing.

That thought released an idea in her. Dangerous like hell, but it could work.

She kissed Faith furiously and took the other inmate by surprise. They tumbled down on the bunk, breathing heavily and groped and touched everything in reach.

"I want you," Sam rasped. "Let's talk serious. after."

Faith grunted her consent and they began ripping each other's clothes of.

This time Sam needed to lead and she needed to STAY in that position. She closed her lips around an erect nipple and sucked. Faith moaned.

Sam's mouth and hands was everywhere, forcing sounds out of Faith that she hadn't heard from her before. It was hot beyond hot.

And she knew that she would never get this opportunity again.

Faith stiffened when she felt the coldness between her legs.

Sam whispered "I'm sorry," into her ears before she pressed even further.

Suddenly it felt like the air was sucked out of the cell. The atmosphere sizzled with intensity.

Faith's body shook in spasms and Sam felt like her veins could explode any minute, when boiling heat thundered through them.

"Sam." Faith could barely speak. "What. have. you. done?"

But it was too late to answer that. Everything went blank.

"Honey, are you okay?"

"Is she back? She's not so pale anymore."

"Come one, honey, open your eyes."

Cordelia, for once, did was she was told and when she finally opened her eyes she saw a worried Fred and a concerned Wesley watching her closely. Fred caressed her face and dried the cold sweat from it with a damp cloth.

"What did you see?" Wesley asked.

"Faith." Cordelia mumbled. She coughed to clear her voice. "Faith and Sam were.. NO! No. lets NOT get into that. lets just say that Faith and Sam were. close together.." She shook her head, trying to drive that image away.

"Sam did something to her.while they were.close. Something passed between them, something powerful and Sam used some sort of gadget to do it. I couldn't, apparently as usual nowadays!" She snorted in disgust. "I couldn't figure out what it was, but it wasn't good. I think this is what the visions tried to warn me about. I think this is what Lilah has planned."

"Doing something to Faith?" Fred asked. "Why? What would she gain by harming her?"

"I wouldn't be so damned frustrated if I knew that, would I?" Cordelia snapped at her.

Fred lowered her eyes and blushed.

Wesley cleared his voice. "Maybe we should.."

"What?" Cordelia's eyes flashed.

"I have.." He swallowed. "I talked to Willow. She had some information for us."

"About?"

"She has somehow found a way into Wolfram and Hart's old archives."

"Hurray for modern technology." Cordelia said sarcastically. "Nobody is safe, everything is an open book for a skilled hacker."

"This time it may be our luck." Wesley said calmly. "She found out that Samantha McPherson figured in them as a possibly subject for the launching of Operation Castration, whatever that is."

"Does that mean that she is one of the bad guys?" Fred asked. "It didn't seem that way, I mean.."

"No." Wesley shook his head firmly. "She was unaware of being in those files. They called her " a sleeper" and that meant that she was under observation but not enrolled, enlisted or whatever they called it. I suppose they waited for the right time."

"What did they want from her? Has she any special abilities they could use?" Cordelia asked.

"In the files Willow found all vital information about her health, her DNA and her chromosomes, every detail about her physical and psychological status were listed. They knew everything there was to know about her, from her seize in shoes to her first kiss. They followed her closely from birth. Apparently they found her interesting because she was almost a perfect match for a subject they called S2. They had people on different hospitals looking for that match, somehow they knew she would come."

"S2." Fred said thoughtfully and her face puckered in the cutest way. "S2. Slayer 2. Faith."

Cordelia stared at her in amazement. "I knew I loved you for a reason." She kissed the flustered Fred soundly. "You have a brain the work wonders sometimes."

Wesley nodded his approval. "Now lets recapitulate what we know," he said and began pacing up and down the floor.

"You really remind me of Giles when you do that," Cordelia said under her breath.

Wesley stopped immediately. "I. what?"

"Nothing, Wes, just re-whatever-that-means-capi-something. so we can move on."

Fred hid a smile and Wesley didn't know if he should be offended or not. He chose to let it pass.

The sound of the phone ringing made all of them jump in their chairs.

Wesley answered it.

"Kim? What.?" The tired lines in his face grew deeper. "When?"

"What's happening?" Cordelia asked worriedly. "Wesley?"

He shook his head and signaled to her to be quiet.

"How did she seem?" He nodded and mumbled and nodded again.

"What did they say?"

He nodded and nodded and nodded and Cordelia was about to scream, when he finally said goodbye to his sister in-law.

"What?!" Both Cordelia and Fred were almost jumping up and down in impatience in front of him.

"Brooke is gone. She."

"Gone? What do you mean by gone? From Sunnydale? Kidnapped? What?" Cordelia discharged the questions like bullets.

Wesley took of the glasses and looked at her sternly. "If you would be kind enough to let me finish."

Cordelia shot him a deadly glare and he quickly put on the glasses again and continued with his explanation.

He told them what Kim had told him.

In Sam's prison-papers she had listed her parents as next of kin and this morning they got a call from the prison.

Apparently Sam had a seizure or something and was in a coma. The doctor's couldn't tell them what was wrong, but they were asked to come immediately.

They circumstances were extraordinary, the doctor had said, because a fellow inmate went into a coma, too. They were concerned that it could be a virus or something and the whole wing in the prison was put under medical supervision.

It was kind of a shock for the parents, first of all because they knew nothing about Sam's imprisonment and secondly because no one knew were Brooke was.

They went to Sam and Brooke's apartment, found an address-book and phoned all of Brooke's friends. Finally they reached Dawn. And Brooke.

"It was like she snapped out of her psychosis." Wesley had begun pacing up and down the floor again. "Kim said it was like an awakening. Her mind was suddenly clear and very focused. And she took off immediately the moment nobody was looking."

"She obviously wants to see Sam. I would too if it was me." Fred said. "I mean, if it was Cordelia, I would go immediately, too."

"It's understandable," Wesley nodded. "But we don't know what kind of danger she's walking into. We don't know why Sam and Faith is in a coma." He hesitated for a moment looking at Cordelia. "I think it's a safe bet to guess that the other one in coma is Faith? It fits your vision, doesn't it?"

"Sometimes I just hate being the seer-girl with the unclear visions." Cordelia growled. "How about me being a damn bookworm for a change, Wes? And then you can do visions. How about that, hmm?"

Wisely enough Wesley chose not to answer.

20a

It's like waking up drunk, surrounded by fuzzy air and hazy sounds. Your throat is dry and your mouth tastes like a rat first puked and then died in it. The first thought that enters your foggy mind is: NEVER, EVER AGAIN!!

Slowly and very carefully I peek out of my heavy eyelids, adjusting them gradually to the all too bright and shiny world on the outside.
And then I close them again quickly, snapping for air in chock.

This is not my world. At least not the one I live in now.

I recognize the dirty streets and the pitiful houses. It's been a long time since Nic tried to convince me to stay here.

Strange being back again, knowing that something very significant for a lot of people's lives happened in this insignificant hole of a town.

There are no people in sight. The set of the sun indicates that it is very early in the morning and the inhabitants are probably still asleep.

A noise, a soft hum from far away, drives my attention to the road at the edge of the town. A car? No a bike.

As it comes closer I notice that the bike has two riders, both without helmets. The one in front has short, dark hair and a large frame. The one in the back has longer and wavier hair in a lighter tone of dark.

When they park the bike and get off it, I finally recognize them. Or rather recognize US.

The bruises on my face still seem fresh, even if I must have been on the road with Nic for more than a week by this time. Slayer healing haven't kicked in yet. Hell, I'm months even years away from being a slayer, aren't I? What am I thirteen? Fourteen? On the edge of fifteen? It's hard to remember. Those years seem so distant now and I have used so much energy trying to forget.

Nic looks wonderful. Alive. Tough and strong like no one I've met before her. Vibrant iceblue eyes and a shit eating grin, just as I remember her.

"My aunt lives here, F, she can take you in for awhile."

"Here? You must be fucking nuts!"

"You would be safe. He wouldn't look for you here. Or the police for that matter. Most people don't even know this place exists."

"No..no..no." I remember how appalled I was by the thought of Nic leaving me. I was really in a hero-worshipping state of a crush by that time. "You're going to take me to a big city, you hear me, Nicci. I won't stay in this rathole. Do you hear me?"

"Loud and clear, F. " She laughed and ruffled my hair affectionately. She gave everybody nicknames and mine was F. "I think the whole town would have heard, that is if they were out of bed."

I saw my younger self smile with great relieve. She wasn't going to leave me there.

"Let's get something to eat before we take off," Nic suggested. "There's a place behind that brick house were they have some decent food. In fact my aunt owns it."

Young Faith looked at the house and saw someone looking at them, hiding behind the curtains.

There should have been a sound of a car in the distance by now. Any minute a car should drive up and stop just before crushing the bike.

The woman in the car would say that the police was on the way to the town and that they had asked questions about us.

But there is no car. Nic and young Faith is heading for the cafe and they seem cheerful and at ease with the situation. In real life we never got to that cafe. When the woman drove away after the warning, we got up on the bike and hurried out of town. Never looked back.

Apparently that isn't going to happen this time.

***************

Nic's aunt Serena greeted them happily and after talking both their ears off and asking her niece about 1121 questions, she served them the best meal Faith had tasted in years.

A chubby blond girl, maybe a year or two older than Faith, helped Aunt Serena serve their dinner.

"This is Tara," Serena explained. "Once in awhile she helps me out after school."

"Hallo, Beautiful," Nicci greeted her. And her words pinked the pale cheeks of the very shy looking girl. "You live in the brick house, don't you?"

Tara nodded surprised. "H..how did you k..know?"

"I saw you watching us from the window."

Tara's blush deepened. "I.I am s..sorry."

"Don't be." Nicci smiled warmly. "I like it when beautiful girls watch me." She winked and the girl averted her eyes, but her face brightened and a small smile graced her full lips.

This behavior surprised Faith a great deal. Normally Nicci was as cold as ice and aloof beyond reserved when confronted with strangers. Faith had never seen her flirt with anyone or even being friendly to someone she didn't know.

Faith had come to think of herself as an exception to some rule. But this girl seemed to be an exception, too.

Faith wasn't quite sure that she liked that.

**********

Nicci convinced Faith that staying for an awhile would be best for both of them. They could get a decent rest and relax a little. And they stayed at Serena's for over a week before Nicci started getting restless.

She made some very mysterious phone calls and Faith guessed that they had something to do with that gang activity she knew Nicci was involved in.

"I have to go to Portoville," Nicci said one day. "I have to meet some of the guys there. Business."

"I'll go with you."

"No, stay here. I'll be back in a week or so. There's nothing for you to do. I just have to make some arrangements. The guys are not that well hung in the brain department." She rolled her eyes in disgust. "They don't seem to be able to take a piss without my instructions."

"I want to go with you," Faith insisted.

"You have to stay out of sight, F, and you'll be safe here."

Faith grumbled and glared but Nicci didn't bend.

"And don't even think about coming after me, F," She threatened with a grin. "I'll put you over knee and spank you good. And we wouldn't want that, would we?"

"Sometimes I really want to kick your fucking ass, Nicci!" Faith yelled in indignation "And when I grow up I will!"

"Oh, you will, will you? Come one, kid, let's see what you're made of." And then Nicci tickled her merciless and she laughed so hard that she almost peed in her new leather pants.

When the laughter subsided and only a bit of chuckling was left in her, she saw that Tara had watched their interaction intensely. There was envy in the timid blue eyes.

"So you will only be gone for a week, right." Faith asked hopefully. "You won't just dump me here, will you?"

Nicci laughed and ruffled her hair. "I'll be back."

And Faith believed her, but when she watched Nicci drive away, leather clad and hard as concrete, tears overflowed her eyes and fear grew in her heart.

The nightmares would be back now. Nicci's presence when she slept had kept them away for awhile.

They hadn't known each other for long, but Nicci made her feel safe, like no one in her life ever had. Protected. The only one who had ever seemed to care. Even if it was only going to last until the older woman got tired of dealing with a fucked up kid, Faith enjoyed every moment.

"S..she w..ill be b..ack." Tara said behind her.

Faith stiffened. "Arh, fuck off, will you?" She growled.

"I.I.. d..did..di."

"I'm damn sure there is a fucking sentence in there somewhere, but don't bother to finish it. I'm not fucking interested!"

She left Tara alone with her stuttering and hardened her heart, like she had done so many times before, when she heard a hurt sniffle from the older girl.

Softies don't survive. If life had told her anything, that was it.

Showing weakness could be fatal.

She was done being weak.

20b

"She's a nice kid. A bit of a dreamer and a loner, but she has a warm heart and a gentle soul, that one. Kind of a miracle when you consider how she has to live."

Faith hadn't meant to eavesdrop on the conversation between Aunt Serena and one of her friends.

They were talking about Tara. Faith had seen the girl covered with bruises and from personal experience she knew perfectly well how they got there.

Tara's father was a hard man, Serena had explained. He believed that all the women in his family was cursed and had demonblood in them. The only thing he could do was keeping them in a tight reign and beat the evilness out of them.

And according to the gossip he tried exactly that almost every day. His wife took most of it, but Tara had her share.

"Donny is the evil kid in that family," Serena's friend said. "I saw him torture a dog once, he laughed when it howled in pain. When I tried to stop him he made fun of me and smashed the dog's head in with his foot. An evil kid, I'll tell you. And he isn't very nice to his sister either. When her father isn't beating her up, Donny is. I think he gives her most of the bruises."

Faith was livid. That prick was responsible for Tara getting hurt? How could someone treat a nice kid like Tara like that? An unpleasant thought hit her in the gut. How she had mocked the girl, made fun of her stutter and her baby fat. And why? Because the girl wanted to befriend her, that's why!

Since Nicci had gone to Portoville, Tara had followed her around, trying to make conversation in her shy but, as Nicci would have said, in an undeniable cute way.

But Faith refused to befriend anyone. She had made an exception with Nicci and she knew that there probably was a price to pay for that. Trusting people only meant hurt and trouble, so why bother? It wasn't worth it, so she tried hard to scare the girl away.

But somehow Faith didn't succeed. The girl always came back, always made her chest hurt. Like something in there had grown out of proportion and wanted out.

All these thoughts weren't doing her any good. She decided to take a walk to the edge of town, where she had found a nice, secluded spot where she could think and dream without being disturbed.

And she had a good view over the road that led to the town. From there she had a good chance at spotting Nicci when she returned. If she returned.

She found a good place, behind a bush where she was out of sight if someone passed by, and sat down. She opened her coke and got as comfortable as she could get on the cold ground.

How anyone could stand living in a place like this, was beyond Faith's comprehension. This town was pure hell on earth. Most of the inhabitants were dull and silent types with a vocabulary even the normal very monosyllabic Nicci could easily beat, and there was absolutely NOTHING to do for an adventurous teenager.

Aunt Serena and books were the only thing that made this town tolerable. Serena had a library that made Faith salivate.

After being told her whole life that she was stupid and worthless, she had believed it for years. But then she found out that she loved to read and that she actually understood difficult things when she read them.

She was very careful not letting anyone know that she wasn't as stupid as she seemed. It was something she could keep for herself, untouched by THEM.

She stiffened. Someone was talking nearby. She moved quietly towards the sound, curiosity and boredom drove her.

A boy's voice. His tone was condescending and cruel.

"Beth does that to me all the time and she's not complaining. So get down on your fucking knees and start sucking."

"No!" Tara cried. "P..please d..don't.."

" Come on now, lil' sis', I swear by god I will beat you down there myself if you disobey me. Haven't Dad taught you anything? The men in this family rules and you girls are just fucking demon spit!"

His pants were down and his small immature dick was standing straight. Faith wanted to cut if off. She looked around and took the thickest stick she could find.

Donny grabbed his sister's head and forced it down. "Those lips." he mumbled with ragged breath. "Those lips."

And Faith saw red.

She jumped out the bushes yelling and screaming like a madwoman. Donny stumbled and fell from the shock, and Tara stared at her savior with a gaping mouth.

And Faith started whacking him, hitting him as hard as she could. Tara begged her to stop, begged her not to kill him, that he wasn't worth it, but she couldn't stop herself. He represented everything she hated, everybody that had ever hurt her. She wanted him destroyed.

Sudden she felt a dumb pain in the back of her neck and then everything went black.

****************

It was like waking up drunk, surrounded by fuzzy air and hazy sounds. Her throat was dry and her mouth tasted like a rat first puked and then died in it. The first thought that entered her foggy mind is: NEVER, EVER AGAIN!!

Slowly and very carefully she peeked out of heavy eyelids, adjusting them gradually to the all too bright and shiny world on the outside.

"H..hi, are you feeling b..better?"

"Tara?"

Tara nodded and gave her a half smile.

"What. what happened?" With difficulties Faith got herself up in a sitting position. She was on the ground, Tara's sweater under her head, was wet with blood.

The calming scent she had felt while she was unconscious, must have come from that sweater. Tara's scent.

"I..I c.couldn't c..arry you. We.. we s.should go to the d.doctor."

"What happened, Tara?"

"Y.you wa..was hit.hitting D..Donny."

"I remember that! How did I end up on the ground?"

"Be.Beth h.hit you over the h.head."

"Who the fuck is Beth?" Faith was slowly losing her patience. The girl's stuttering got on her nerves. And the frightened look in the blue eyes made her heart constrict unpleasantly.

"My. our cousin. S..she saw you and Do..Donny fight. I.I t.tried to s..stop her, I really di..did."

The girl was near her breaking point. Tears ran down her pale cheeks and into her mouth. She hiccuped and looked miserable and lost.

And Faith did something she never had done before. She hated being close to anyone physically, when Nicci ruffled her hair, it was about what she could handle without being too uncomfortable. Nicci sensed that and even when they slept side by side, she was very careful not to touch the younger girl. And she always soothed Faith's nightmares with her voice alone.

So now Faith was doing something very uncharacteristic for her. She took the older girl into her arms, held her tight while she cried her pain out.

She felt Tara's ragged breath against her throat, the heaving chest against her torso and fingers clutching her back in despair, and strangely enough she felt strong and tall. and at peace.

The girl felt good in her arms, warm and comfortable.

It scared the shit out of her.

20c

I woke up with Tara in my arms. That's right. Tara. Dead Tara. Willow's Tara. Willow's dead lover, Tara. And not the Tara I dreamt about, but an older old, probably that age she had when she died. A Tara slightly older than the one I met that one time in Buffy's body.

And I was no longer young Faith. I was the Faith I was in prison. Maybe seven or eight years older than this Tara?

I released her immediately and stepped away.

"Hi," she smiled shyly.

"I'm still sleeping, aren't I?" I felt slightly dizzy.

She nodded. "Actually you're not quite sleeping. That's why I'm able to come to you."

"What do you mean?" I asked confused. "If I'm not sleeping, what am doing, then?"

Tara hesitated before she answered. "You're in a coma."

"What?!" That was fucking unbelievable. "Again?! What the fuck is it with me and this damn coma-shit? Why am I in a fucking coma this time?"

Tara waved her hand. "We haven't got much time, Faith, and there's a lot I need to talk to you about."

"Talk away witch-girl, it seems like I'm not going anywhere." I shook my head. It was fucking unbelievable. "Coma? Fuck, man."

Tara smiled reassuringly. "It's going to make more sense soon," she said.

And then she told me how she had tried to make contact with Willow, but didn't succeed, and how she then tried Cordelia with more luck.

And the she told me how she at first hadn't been allowed to speak directly to Cordelia or even give her more solid hints about what was going on, and good old Queen C had become more and more confused and frustrated..

Finally Tara had succeeded in proving to The Powers That Be, that the past had been tampered with a distinct purpose of ruining some very important events, and as a result we were living in the "wrong" reality.

"In the reality I showed you, we managed to close the Hellmouth for good. You and Buffy, all of us, had a chance of a normal life. Almost a normal anyway, there were still some demons and vampires around, but no new big evils entered the world from then on."

"So that's why you're doing this?"

"Partly, yes." Tara cheeks pinked.

"Partly?" Her uneasiness made me curious. It felt like she wanted to hide something.

"I.I."

It was she first time she stuttered as a grownup.

"Come on, Tara, it can be that bad? You know I'm not easily shocked. Hallo, evil slayer here!"

"I did it for Willow, too." She whispered.

"For Willow? As I interpreted what you're telling me, you and Willow would not be." I stopped when I saw the tears, the despair. So similar to what I had seen in the vision, the dream or whatever it was.

I reached out and touched her hand. "I'm sorry."

"No," she shook her head sadly. "You're right. Willow and I will not be together if my mission is an success."

"And you still love her, right?"

"I never stopped. But she's so unhappy now. I've seen her dreams, her thoughts, there's no joy there, no hope. She's miserable and she's only alive because she won't leave Buffy alone. I want her to be happy."

"And this other life will make her happy?"

The pain in Tara's eyes almost knocked me flat. "Yes," she whispered. "She will be where she's supposed to be."

Silently I contemplated everything she had said. And I was instantly hit by a freight train driving full speed towards realization.

"Fuck, man!" I yelled. "What you're telling me is that you and I. that we. me and you. Jesus."

That outburst earned me a cute half-smile for my obvious distress. "Yes, that day you saw a part of was the beginning of our friendship."

"That continued into us being. being."

"Lovers." Her amused smile was more genuine now. "You make it sound like it is the horror or all horrors."

"What? No! That's not." Damn, I finally lost my ability to complete sentences. Fucking pathetic!

And then she told me what happened after our 'first connection', so to speak.

Later that week Nic returned. She fell in love in Portoville and brought a 17-year-old girl, Evelyn Conners with her. Long, strawberry blond hair, beautiful green eyes and a cherubic face that could melt steel, and it obviously had.

Nic was totally lost in the girl. And Eve followed her around with huge, adoring eyes.

"Straw?" I asked.

Tara nodded.

"Does that mean that the Nic in that reality doesn't die?"

Tara nodded again.

"Wow!"

"Nic plays a very important part in closing the Hellmouth." Tara said.

And it was Nic that said the magic words: 'We're going to Sunnydale.'

"So we all ended up in Sunnydale? How convenient."

Then Tara told me the rest of the story and I couldn't believe the life we all should have had.

"Fuck. this is so.. so. I don't know what the fuck I'm supposed to say to this."

"This is how it should have been if Lilah Morgan hadn't."

"Lilah Morgan??!" And then I remembered the woman that had told us about the cops being on the way. It could have been her. I wasn't paying attention. It could easily had been her. With a wig and a little make-up. fuck, this was weird.

"Wolfram and Hart tried to stop us from closing Hellmouth by sending Lilah Morgan back to the time where everything started, where the Scoobies of THAT reality was beginning to form. They hadn't predicted though, that the reality they created, may have opened the Hellmouth again, but it closed Wolfram and Hart."

I stared blankly at my feet for a moment, trying to collect my thoughts. "Do you think Lilah Morgan is trying to do something about that? Change the outcome of the first altering?"

Tara shook her head. "No, whatever she's doing she's doing on her own. Wolfram and Hart are not behind her actions."

"So she's solo on this one. Do you know what she want?"

"No, they won't tell me."

"She put me in a coma, didn't she?" It was beginning to make sense to me. "She somehow convinced Sam to do something."

"I'm not allowed to say anything about that," Tara interrupted nervously.

"What can you tell me, then?!" I said harshly. "There must be a reason for this meeting, right?"

Tara flinched and I instantly wanted to apologize to her, but I forcefully swallowed the words.

"The Powers have allowed a change, but not necessarily back to the reality I showed you. There is another possibility, but that choice has to be made by someone else."

"Who?"

"I can't tell you that, it may influence your decision, but if she makes the right choice, everything will be as it is supposed to be."

"You're telling me that our entire life is depending on someone to make a CHOICE? How is that fair? How is that making things right?" I shook my head.

"It's some sort of test for her." Tara explained in a soothing voice. "They want to test her. They want to see if she's the right one to."

"Are we a fucking test tube or what?!" I was furious.'

"The Powers That Be work in mysterious ways, Faith." Tara smiled sadly. "We just have to trust them."

"But there is another possibility?" My brain was burning. I wasn't sure I could take much more.

"Yes."

"I don't understand. If I'm not the one to make that choice, what do you want with me, then?"

"I have to know if you will be willing to go back and stop Lilah Morgan." Tara said softly. "That choice depends on you wanting to do that."

"Wow."

"But it's dangerous. One wrong move and everything could change for the worse. And you could destroy yourself in the process. The other choice is much easier, less complicated, less dangerous."

"But less right, too." I concluded for her. "And if I say no, the other reality, better than this one, but not the right one, will become our
future?"

"Yes, the test if off. I can show you."

"No," I raised my hand to stop her. "I'll do it."

"Are you sure you won't."

"I trust you," I leered at her. "If one can't trust your lover, who can one trust?"

She averted her eyes and blushed deeply.

I grinned.

"What now?" I asked her.

"When you wake up you won't remember any of this. The choice has to be made before you will know everything I've told you again."

"Oh yeah, and someone else has our entire future in her fucking hands. I sure hope she'll live up to that trust!" I scowled.

"She will." But Tara didn't sound as sure as she wanted me to believe she was.

"So." I said hesitantly. "This is goodbye, then? At least for now."

Tara nodded.

"What do I do now? Go to sleep or what?"

Tara smiled. And suddenly I felt full lips on mine. She had wonderful lips. Oh God. Warmth spread with each deepening move. Her hands in my hair. Mine caressing her back, her sides. her buttocks. A kiss had never before felt like this.I wanted her to devour me. When her tongue met mine I could have died on the spot.

I didn't.

I fainted.

Kim Legaspi sat in Cordelia's kitchen sipping hot coffee. Who would have ever thought that would happen? Cordelia certainly hadn't.

"Somebody tried to kidnap Sam," Fred explained.

"Sam? Why?"

Fred shrugged. "We are not sure, there is some evidence that points in a certain direction, but we're taking turns at watching her, so it won't happen again. Gun by day, Angel by night. It's lucky for us that Willow managed to get Sam discharged from prison without asking anybody."

"Hurray for modern technology," Cordelia grumbled.

"So you're sure Brooke is going to show up here, Kim?" Fred asked, sending her lover a stern look.

"Yes, sooner or later. She's aware that you have something to do with Sam's imprisonment."

"But we haven't, I mean, we are not involved with that."

"No directly, no. But the only thing she has is your link to Faith. And she really wants to know what's happening to Sam. And why."

Fred nodded. "We would like to know that, too."

"Let's hope she's not as nutty as she was the last time we saw her," Cordelia mumbled irritably. "We have enough of nutcases here already."

"Who do you think did it? Tried to kidnap her?" Kim ignored Cordelia and spoke directly to Fred.

"A woman resembling Lilah Morgan was seen fleeing from the hospital. That should give us a hint." Wesley spoke for the first time in an hour. He was uncomfortable with the tension between his sister in-law and his best friend.

"What does that bitch want?" Cordelia seethed. "If we understood that, things would be a lot easier."

"She made Sam do something to Faith," Fred said. "But whatever it was I think it went wrong somehow. I don't think Sam being in coma was part of the plan. I think she wanted Sam to leave the prison by herself and not on a stretcher."

"But why?" Kim looked as confused as Cordelia felt.

"I think we have to ask Willow to go through those files again," Cordelia sighed. "There must be SOMETHING in there that can tell us more about this. That horrible thing. what was it? Operation Castration? That must lead somewhere?"

The phone rang and Cordelia answered it.

"What? When? How is she?" She nodded and gestured to the others that they had to go. "We're on our way."

They all waited impatiently for Cordelia to explain what the phone call had been about.

"Sam is awake," she said.

*************

Gunn waited for them outside the hospital room.

He told them that Sam had been awake for half an hour and that the doctor said that everything seemed okay.

Her parents were there all night and had just left to get some sleep. Now the hospital was trying to call them on their cell-phone to get them back.

"Can we go in there?" Cordelia asked.

Gunn nodded. "Willow has taken care of that. We are 'next of kin' all of us."

"She's really good," Cordelia shook her head in wonder. Willow had come a long way since the nerdy geek she despised back in Sunnydale.

Sam looked a little pale, but otherwise she looked strong and healthy.

"Are you feeling okay?" Fred asked. "I mean, are you feeling well enough to talk to us?"

Sam nodded. "I will fine. A little.weird, I guess. Like I have some sort of fire going on inside me."

"Are you sure you're fine? I mean, does it hurt?"

"No, It's just. different. I'm ready to talk. I want to know about Brooke."

Gunn had filled her in on some of the issues concerning her coma, and she knew that all these people were somehow connected to Faith, that they had protected and helped Brooke until she ran away, and that they were after Lilah Morgan who probably was behind it all.

Sam understood all that, even if she was a bit confused, and she accepted their presence and had agreed to answer their questions.

"Tell us exactly what Lilah Morgan said you." Wesley was ready to take notes.

And Sam told them about her assignment in prison, how they wanted her to get close to Faith, and when she wanted out, how Ms. Morgan threatened her with hurting Brooke and how she then agreed to insert some sort of object into Faith.

"Do you have any idea what that object was supposed to do?" Wesley asked.

"No," Sam shook her head. "And I lost consciousness almost immediately after inserting it."

"The prison doctor hasn't found anything inside Faith," Cordelia added. "It must have dissolved itself somehow after doing what it was supposed to do."

"Unless it had defect or something." Wesley said thoughtfully. "We haven't got a clue to what it has done, IF it has done anything other than sending you and Faith into a coma."

A nurse opened the door. "Sorry to interrupt, but we talked to you parents, Sam. They are on their way."

Sam nodded and the nurse closed the door again. "We haven't got much time left then. Can you please tell me anything about what happened to Brooke?"

This time it was Kim Legaspi who explained how Brooke had been lured away her by Ms. Morgan who posed as her new psychiatrist and that Brooke was brainwashed into believing Sam was either going to leave her or was having an affair.

By destabilizing their home life Lilah Morgan had an easier job getting Sam to do what she wanted.

"Why me? Why did she chose me?" Sam was confused as hell.

"We're.not sure about that." Wesley nervously took off his glasses and stared at them. "We think it has something to do with the fact that you're matching Faith somehow."

"Matching? What do you mean by matching?"

"Chromosomes, genes, you know, stuff like that." Cordelia explained impatiently. "Some things in your physical makeup match with Faith"

"We can give you the detail of that later, Sam," Wesley fidgeted with his glasses.

"Yeah, let's get her back to Brooke," Cordelia mumbled. "And away from Faith."

Fred flinched and glanced at her lover. She was the only one, except Sam, that heard the whispered comment that was meant for nobody to hear.

Sam shook her head, trying to get all the annoying sounds out of it. It was like everything happened inside her ears. She heard every breath each of these people took, like it was her own.

"Dr. Kim, you were trying to deprogram Brooke, right?"

Kim nodded. "And it was going very well. Then she heard about you being in a coma and she sort of snapped out of it. Soon after that she ran away."

"But you are expecting her here? You think she's on her way?"

"Yes, the only thing that has us worried is why it's taking her so long."

Sam was curious about Faith and asked them who she was and why Lilah Morgan found her so interesting.

Cordelia knew that Sam and Faith had been intimate in prison, uncomfortably enough she had seen that in a vision. Oh, God how she wanted to erase that image! And she guessed that Sam harbored some sort of feelings for Faith.

But they couldn't tell Sam the truth. Not the whole truth anyway.

"We're not quite sure what Lilah Morgan wants with Faith," Cordelia began hesitantly.

"She talked about Faith having some special ability. Has all this something to do with that?"

Cordelia jaws tightened. "As you probably already know Faith has many, MANY skills and you might."

"We think it may have something to do with that," Wesley hurried to interrupt, "and we're looking into it, I promise you that."

"How is Faith? Is she out of the coma, too?" Sam chose to ignore Cordelia sudden hostility, not understanding it.

"We don't know yet, Sam. She's in some prison medical facility, so it's difficult to know what's happening."

"Sammy, you're awake! Thank God!" A screeching blond frame leaped across the room and threw herself at the darker one on the bed

By reflex Sam pushed the person away, just to be sure who it was, after everything that had happened, one couldn't be too careful.

And Brooke flew like a cannonball through the room and smashed against the wall with a sickening thud.

It's fucking weird feeling weak. I had forgotten how it felt being without slayer senses and slayer strength. Fucking weird.

Even the task of lifting a cup is different. Usually I have to restrain my strength not to crush it or send the content flying. Now restraining myself meant almost not being able to lift the damn cup!

"Are you okay?"

Shit, I had been so totally absorbed by my thoughts that I forgot that they had let Strawberry visit me. She sat on my bedside, green eyes full of love and concern, and her short blond hear adorably tousled. I wanted to tell her everything, cry in her arms and let go of it all. But I didn't.

"I feel like shit, Straw."

"What happened? Sam was taken to a hospital on the outside and nobody knows anything."

"I don't remember." It was only partly a lie. I remembered quite well the events leading up to where Sam and I blacked out, but I didn't have a fucking clue about the rest of it.

Okay, let's summarize this: I've lost my strength and slayer-senses and Sam is somehow responsible for it. And it didn't take a genius to figure out that the slayer passed on to her. And it didn't take a genius to figure out that Lilah Morgan was behind it. I had to get a message through to Cordelia somehow.

I had a nagging feeling that there was something I ought to remember, something I'm supposed to do. Cordelia gave me something, but what?

I had big, blank spots were very important parts of my memories should be.

And what exactly had Sam done to me?

"When I thought I had lost you." Strawberry voice faded out while she tried to hide the pain in it.

I gently took her hand. "You didn't lose me."

"No, but I never really had you in the first place, did I?"

Shit, this wasn't going to be a nice little chat between friends. The truth, maybe I should tell her the truth. That would certainly kill her infatuation for good.

"Straw," I said softly. "I think I should tell you how I got Nic killed."

Yeah, I know. This is NOT the way you're supposed to start a sensitive chat. I regretted my brutality instantly when I say Strawberry's face collapse in pain.

"W..what? What do you. mean.? You got Nic. killed?"

"I knew Nic when I was young, Straw. We were friends. We met when I left home to get away from my parents. She took me with her and we became friends."

"You never told me that," Strawberry's voice broke and her small frame shivered.

"No, and I should have. I'm sorry."

"How. I mean, you said you got her killed, Faith? But you wasn't even there."

But I was. I was just too late to do anything.

It happened a couple of days before I tried to get Angel to kill me. Wolfram and Hart still thought they controlled me and I was desperately trying to decide what I should do next.

And then, oh yes HER again, Lilah Morgan called and asked me to meet her. We met at some bar somewhere and she told me about some wonderful plan that could make us all rich and happy.

I wasn't really listening before Nic name came up. According to Lilah, Nic was essential to the plan.

"I must talk to her, Faith. Could you call her and convince her to meet me at this place?"

She gave me a piece of paper with an address on.

"It's been a couple of years since I last saw her. How do you know about her?"

"She's very high profile in the crime scene in this town, at least she was. She's slowly pulling herself out of business."

"Why? She got fucking everything! Why would she leave that?"

"And she got a weakness, dear Faith. And her name is Eve. A young, cute thing with an uncanny influence on your big friend." Lilah moved closer to me, her eyes blinked seductively.

At one time she had seemed almost afraid of me, but lately she had become more and more flirtatious.

"This deal could be beneficial for her, too, Faith."

And stupid me. I didn't ask any questions and agreed to make contact with Nic.

And yes, she had a pulse, I was horny and in need for some human contact, so I fucked the bitch.

"So." Strawberry swallowed. "You were the friend in need? The one Nic was prepared to go into a dangerous territory to help?"

I nodded.

"Oh God." Strawberry closed her eyes, her whole body was shaking. "You're F. She talked about you all the time, like you were her kid sister or something. She loved you."

"She did?" I couldn't even recognize my own voice.

Strawberry was far away. Remembering.

"She knew your life had been tough and that something had happened to you when you returned to Boston."

Yeah, I became a slayer and everything went even more wrong from then on.

"And she was so happy when you called now and then."

She returned to the room. "What happened? Why didn't you meet us?"

"Lilah told me to get some stuff first and then meet up with you later. It took longer than anticipated, though I think she had planned it very thoroughly to keep me away, and I was too late to help you beat those bastards. And Nic died."

I couldn't hold back the tears. "And you ended up in here."

"Oh God."

"I'm so, so sorry, Straw. Believe me, if I could change what happened, if it could have been me instead."

"Don't say that!"

"But it should have been me..."

"Do you really think that I want you dead instead of Nic?"

"No, I..."

Strawberry's face was red in anger. and sorrow. "You were set up, Faith. It wasn't your fault."

I didn't buy that. "I should have been more careful, Straw, I should have listened to my gut. I knew those people. I shouldn't have trusted them. If I had been more careful Nic wouldn't be dead."

"If..if..if. It's useless thinking about 'if'. If hoses could fly, our hair would be full of shit all the time. You can't reason like that! It wasn't
your fault. Period!"

And she was right. I felt guilty and it was a useless feeling that didn't help me and certainly not her.

"That Morgan-bitch and those lawyers are the ones responsible for Nic's dead. But why? There wasn't any business between them; Nic wasn't involved in anything even remotely connected to them. It's a damn mystery."

Me. I was the only connection I could think of. And that made me sick in the stomach.

Strawberry was calmer now. She took my hand and looked me deeply in the eyes.

"I'm in love with you, Faith. I've been in love with you for years now. It doesn't diminish what I feel for Nic in anyway. But she's dead, I'm not. She would understand. In fact I know she does." Strawberry flushed and I kept my mouth shot, I didn't want to know what that was about.

"Straw." I began hesitantly. "I care very much for you."

"But not like that, right?" She looked like she could throw up any minute. "I know that, Faith, and I know about your feelings for Sam. I just wanted to know how I feel. That I love you and that I will be there for you, as your friend, whenever you need me. Nic would have wanted that, too."

I wanted to take her into my arms, kiss her senseless and forget about the prison, Sam, my missing slayer-senses, Lilah Morgan, Cordelia, Tara.

Tara?

Something about summoning the dead witch? Cordelia wanted me to do some spell and talk to Tara. She wrote it down.

Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!

I had no idea where that piece of paper was.

"Faith?"

"What? Oh, I'm sorry. I was just.just."

Strawberry smiled sadly. "I have to go back soon. Mrs. Pickett wants to see me. She thinks I know something about what happened to you two."

"Straw." I touched her cheek softly. Felling her warm skin underneath my fingertips. Beautiful green eyes met mine. Moist lips parted. This was a "a kiss is about to happen" moment. I felt it in every vein, in every piece of flesh in my body. And I certainly felt it in some other very vital parts of it.

And it felt very different. The human part of me felt things very differently than the slayer did. Strange. Not bad, just. different.

Examining my emotions in an almost scientific way, helped me resist the urge to ravish the woman in front of me, a woman that meant everything to the only true friend I ever had.

Strawberry kissed my brow and the corner of my mouth. And then the guard came and took her away.

The kiss lingered long after her lips had left.