Jailbirds - Destinies Crossed

Title: Jailbirds - Destinies Crossed

Author: bwp bard

DISCLAIMERS, RATINGS ETC: See part 1.

"What's wrong, Fred?" Cordelia sat down on the bedside and examined her lover closely, sensing that she was distressed and tense.

"I've been thinking. about everything."

"That's quite a lot to think about." Cordelia said, trying to lighten the mood between them.

Fred didn't seem to appreciate the effort.

"Tell me what's wrong, honey?" Cordelia became more and more concerned. This behavior was very uncharacteristic for Fred. Yes, she was shy, but she was never taciturn, never silent like this.

This was not good. The tense air surrounding Fred told her that something wasn't right.

When Fred finally spoke it weren't exactly the words Cordelia wanted to hear.

"I think we need time to think," she said softly.

"Think?" Cordelia was confused. "Think about what?"

"Us.." Fred whispered pained. "Me and you."

"Us?"

"I think we need some space to. think about everything that has happened. And I think we need to do it." the words came out with difficulties. ".alone."

Dread stuck in Cordelia's throat and an iron fist closed around her heart. "Are you breaking up with me?"

"No.yes.no. I think we both need some time to think it through. What we want, if we're sure that THIS is really what we want."

"You mean if THIS is really what I want, don't you?" Cordelia spat. "How dare you."

"Since all this started, I've have heard her name uttered in sleep, she's all you talk about when you're awake. You react more like a jealous and present lover than a former girlfriend from almost 10 years ago." Fred's voice was thick with emotion. Her eyes burned.

"We have stopped making love, stopped talking about anything other than her and this case. And in these last days, you even stopped touching me, stopped kissing me, unless I instigate it." Fred cried openly now, she radiated pain and grief. and a great deal of anger.

"That's not true." Cordelia stopped herself. Was it?

Fred ignored her. "I have always known that Faith was your first true love."

"She wasn't!" Cordelia yelled.

"And I accepted that she probably meant more to you than I ever would."

"She didn't! I love."

"But now she's back and you have to think this through. Wesley told me she has a chance of being released.." Her voice shivered. "Maybe you should consider. taking a chance with her. The chance you two never had."

"No!" Cordelia wanted to scream, wanted to shake those thoughts out of her lover. "I don't want that. I want YOU. I want US! How can I convince you of that? Please, believe me, Fred. Please!"

"I'm sorry." Fred's voice faded out, "I want to, I really do, but I can't. I'm sorry."

And then she left.

The sound of Cordelia's heartbroken sobs followed her out of the door.

**************

Cordelia sat sullenly in the corner of the hospital room watching Kim and Wesley talk to Sam.

It had been difficult for them explaining to Sam what had happened to her. Why she suddenly had the strength of God knows how many muscled men and senses that almost went beyond her comprehension.

She wasn't responding well to the perspective of her new self. She felt weird and confused. And afraid. Those enhanced abilities had caused her to seriously hurt her lover and that scared her to death. Several of Brooke's bones were broken after smashing against the wall and she had a severe fracture of the skull.

When Sam saw what she had considered a little push had done, she became hysterical and that was NOT what you want someone with slayer-strength to be! She begged them to do something, anything to make her herself again.

All that talk about demons, vampires, Hellmouths.slayers made her head spin like crazy. She didn't want to believe that it was true, but the change she felt inside her confirmed their seemingly far out explanation.

"We believe that Lilah Morgan wanted to transfer Faith's slayerness, so to speak, into you." Wesley continued.

"Why?"

"Probably to get hold on it herself, when you left the prison. She knew that your body was capable of housing the slayer, at least for awhile." Wesley looked at Cordelia, not used to her being quiet for so long, but she was staring blindly at the wall and did not appear to be listening at all.

"Would she be able to handle that transfer to herself?" Kim asked.

"She must think so, I can't see any other reason for doing what she did. If she wanted to get rid of the slayer, she wouldn't have gone through all this trouble, she would just have tried to get Faith killed. and Buffy for that matter."

"Oh God, a Lilah Morgan with slayer-strength," Kim exclaimed. "A real nightmare to think about."

Wesley nodded. "We have to be very careful."

"You mean she will try to get to me?" Sam asked.

"Yes."

Sam laughed humorlessly. "If I can learn to control this thing, I will be able to defend myself, won't I? And not just kill the ones I love!"

"Brooke is going to be okay." Kim said. "You can't let guilt eat you up, Sam. It wasn't your fault."

"I smashed her against the wall!" Sam practically yelled. "Her brain almost seeped out of ears, Kim, how can I not feel guilty about that?"

Wesley coughed to get their attention. "We have you get you out of here. Maybe to Sunnydale, Buffy and her friends can protect you and give you some insight to your knew. abilities. And then we must find a way to change you back."

They all nodded in agreement, except Cordelia who seemed far away in her own thoughts.

But a sharp sizzling sound woke her up. "What was that? Wes, did you hear that?"

The sound intensified and the room seemed to shrink, Cordelia felt the walls slowly coming closer, threatening to suffocate her.

Smoke surrounded them and made it difficult to see each other clearly.

Cordelia tried to move, but her body was limb and useless. She moaned in pain.

She saw a glimpse of Wesley's confused and frightened face. What she saw in it, tore her heart out.

They were stuck. And there was nothing they could do.

"What's happening?" Kim's voice, desperate and scared.

"Oh God." Sam choked.

They were suffocating.

And they weren't able to move.

And there was nobody there to help them.

A lot of thoughts tumbled around in Cordelia's brain, first and foremost thoughts of Fred, how things were left between them, that she was probably about to die before being able to convince Fred that she loved her and ONLY her. Fred would be devastated.

"I'm sorry, Fred, I love you."

Kim's gasping breath was the last thing she heard.

"You're really making things easy for me these days," Tara said with amused sarcasm. "Gaining access to your consciousness is a lot easier when you're not trying to control it. If only Willow had been kind enough to go into a coma like the rest of you apparently do frequently these days, my job had been a lot easier."

"Am I dead?" Cordelia asked confused, not sure if she was in some sort of a dream, a vision or a. limbo.

"No," Tara smiled reassuringly. "They won't let you die. You're way too important to Them."

"What happened?" Cordelia tried to clear her brain. "Everything is a blur."

"I can't tell you anything about that, Cordy, I'm only allowed to talk to you about what comes next. The Choice."

"The Choice? What choice?"

"We're allowed to make ONE choice out of TWO possibilities. They know that the past has been wrongfully altered and They have decided that we have a chance to rectify it, make it more right."

"We? WE as in you and me? Why me?"

"In the beginning I tried to get in touch with Willow, but didn't succeed as you know. Then I tried you instead, with more luck. The Powers That Be saw it as an opportunity to. " Tara stopped and listened like someone said something to her.

"Anyway," she nodded, like she agreed to what was said. "You have the power to send Faith back to change our destiny to a more rightful one."

Cordelia listened; trying to comprehend was Tara told her. It seemed like she had a very important part to play in this. Why? What was it They had in store for her? And Faith? Why did it have to be Faith?

"Why Faith? If it has to be a slayer why not Buffy? Isn't she the better on for this job?"

"Faith was the instrument used in the altering," Tara explained. "They have decided that she's the one to make it right again."

"Why not just change it back to what is was supposed to be? Why a choice?" Cordelia asked.

Tara hesitated. "I'm not allowed to tell you that."

Cordelia rolled her eyes, slowly returning to her normal self. "Is there a rule that says 'always confuse the Seer, never tell her the whole story?' This is really starting to annoy me!"

Tara giggled and really looked like the. what twenty? year old she was when she died.

Cordelia sighed in defeat. "Okay stop giggling, Tara, and tell me about those choices, so I can get back to the mess my life is at the moment."

And Tara sobered and did just that.

****************

Choice number one:

Faith and Nic never leave Tara's hometown and Eve joins them there. Tara and Faith fall in love and they all leave for Sunnydale.

In Sunnydale Tara befriends Willow and through their combined magic powers, they become very powerful allies to Buffy.

Nic and Eve help Buffy out on several occasions and they prevent Buffy from drowning and thereby passing on the slayer-duty to Kendra.

Consequently Faith never becomes a slayer.

Faith, in any reality, is a bit of a rebellious outsider, who is very good at messing her life up. She refuses to follow orders and she and Buffy have a lot of difficulties adjusting to each other.

They have a brief, highly sexual based affair, that almost ruins Faith's relationship with Tara.

But Tara is a forgiving nature and she knows that Faith loves her, so they are able to move forward.

The affair opens Buffy's eyes for the possibility that her feelings for her best friend are more complex and after awhile she and Willow accept the love they have for each other.

Cordelia and Xander have a brief relationship and Cordelia becomes one of the Scoobies.

Nic leaves the gang-scene and she and Eve become very important in the fight against evil. Nic is a master strategist and is the brain behind most of the Scoobie-plans.

Eve becomes a fighter in her own right, but her main force is her psychological strength and her empathy. She is the 'understanding ear' in the group and is vital for everybody's mental health.

When they had to face the biggest fight of the all; the definitive closing of the Hellmouth, their combined powers and Nic's planning, get the job done.

**************

"What about later on?" Cordelia asked. "Do I leave for LA and do I meet Fred."

"You and Faith never become lovers and therefor the possibility of loving a woman never occurs to you in your early youth. I can't tell you anything specific about that, it's part of the choice."

"You mean you can't tell me more about how it's going to be when we're adults."

"The other's yes. You, no, You have to make a choice without knowing if it ends good or bad for you. Perhaps you won't deal with your childhood, you may never get a chance with neither Fred, Faith nor Kim, the great loves of your present life. You may become unhappy and maybe even take your own life." Tara's eyes were dark with concern.

"You're trying to tell me that the chances of a happy life in choice number one is limited?"

"For the others no. For you yes. The odds are not in your favor, but life for the others will be. relatively. successful and satisfying."

"Great!" Cordelia shook her head. "Aren't I the lucky one? This is how it originally was supposed to be, right?"

Tara nodded.

"How about the second choice?"

**************

Choice number two.

This is not how it was meant to be, but how it COULD have been, had a few things been done a little differently. The Powers That Be have accepted it as a possible choice.

There are several similarities to the altered reality.

But Tara never dies.
She and Willow continue to be lovers, but lose their daughter in an accident and that gives them some emotional problems.
Buffy dies.
Sam and Brooke never break up.
Faith is released after 10 years in prison.
And everything ends on a happy note.

(My previous story (in two large parts) is similar to choice number two. If you want to read them, they can be found here:
1 http://www.realmoftheshadow.com/bwpbard/havefaith.htm
2 http://www.realmoftheshadow.com/bwpbard/sins.htm)

***********

"My own odds for being happy is better in this one?"

Tara nodded. "Everybody experiences bad or even terrible things in this reality. Life is not easy for any of the Scoobies, many of them will experience disasters and heartaches that neither the altered reality nor choice number one have, but YOU have a fair chance of a happy ending, even if the way to it is rough."

"So basically I have to choose a reality that is not the right one, but which I know will end fairly well, even if it going to be hell for all of my friends." Cordelia didn't know whether to laugh or cry. "Or I can choose a reality, the one meant to be, where my friends will have a relatively easy and happy life, but my odds are very bad?"

"It's like gambling, Cordy, you have to gamble with your life. That's the test of The Powers That Be."

"Great." Cordelia mumbled.

"And you have to restore The Slayer in Faith, before you make your choice."

"Just another day in the boring life of Cordelia The Seer." Cordelia closed her eyes and cursed everything and everybody she could think of and especially THEM.

If there were like twenty overweight elephants sitting on her chest, Sam wouldn't be surprised.

A cloth covered her eyes and she felt dizzy and slightly nauseous. She guessed that it was the anesthetic or whatever it was that she had inhaled that made her body feel so abused and her mouth so dry that a desert or two easily would feel at home in there.

She couldn't move. She was lying on what felt like a bed and she was wearing a. straitjacket?

"Are you awake, Sam?" A voice whispered.

She knew that voice, didn't she?

"I can't see anything." Her dry lips almost refused to move.

"Shake your head, the cloth is loose and will fall off." The voice said.

And she did just that and the cloth landed beside her.

"Fred, is that you?" The other woman sat tied to a chair in front of the bed Sam was on.

"Yes, unfortunately." Fred snickered with a sudden fit of wry humor. "Lilah Morgan must think you need the company."

Sam groaned.

"Just kidding. I think she has me mistaken for somebody else. She keeps talking about me changing something, being the one with The Power." Fred shrugged. "I think she's crazy."

She told Sam how Lilah Morgan had shoved her into a car in the middle of the street.

"No one did anything, typical isn't it?" Fred babbled nervously. "People are too scared to intervene. It's sad really."

"Fred!" Sam interrupted her impatiently.

"Sorry." And Fred told her the rest of the story.

After Lilah had shoved her into the car, she was gagged and a tight rope around her legs and arms, prevented her from escaping. And then she was brought to this place where Sam lay unconscious.

"Do you know how I ended up here?" Sam asked.

"She must have kidnapped you from the hospital. You were there a couple of hours before I was taken."

Sam closed her eyes, trying to get her brain in gear. "I think we were gassed or something, I don't remember much."

Fred gasped in alarm. "Are they okay? Are Cordelia."

"I don't know, I wasn't conscious long enough to see what happened to them." Sam said regretfully. "I'm sorry. I have all this 'slayer-whatever it is' inside me and I don't know what to do with it. Faith would have known, wouldn't she?"

"You're right, Sammygirl. Faith would probably never had gotten herself in this mess."

Both Sam and Fred flinched at the sound of the voice belonging to the woman who embodied all their fears and all their hate. Lilah Morgan.

"She knows the way evil work, with her evil own streak and all." She laughed and it was not a pretty sound.

This was a caricature of the woman Sam had met that fatal day when she got the assignment that put her behind bars. A madwoman, no doubt about it. They were not dealing with a sane woman that could be reasoned with and that could be very dangerous.

"Faith could have been a good ally, she really could, you know. And she almost became one. Yeah. We changed everything, tried to make it work better for us, but apparently it wasn't enough, was it?" She inhaled sharply. "Now it MY turn to get something out of this, MY turn to win."

"What do you want with us?" Sam asked softly, trying not to aggravate the other woman.

"What I want with you?" Lilah Morgan's high-pitched laughter filled the room again. "You're going to give me what I deserve, what I should have had years and years and years ago, instead of doing everybody else's business."

She walked over to Sam, grabbed her by the hair and pulled hard, stretching Sam's neck painfully.

"No!" Fred yelled. "Don't hurt her. Please!"

Lilah Morgan stared down in Sam's eyes. "Sometimes she's really annoying, dear old Winifred, reminds me of that damn witch."

"What witch?" Sam asked with difficulty.

"Do you know, Sam, that you're have been very helpful to me? Hmm?"

Sam stayed silent.

"You went in there and fucked her, didn't you? Or more likely, she fucked you. But of course we told you to get close to her, didn't we? And you followed your orders well. Fucked Faith and fucked your precious little princess over, didn't you?"

"Leave Brooke out of this!" Sam snapped.

"Hmm, you took care of that, Sammygirl, for good, didn't you? Brooke is really out of it right now, isn't she?"

"Brooke is going to be okay, Sam." Fred pleaded. "Don't let her get to you."

"Don't let her get to you." Lilah sneered. "The truth hurt, doesn't it, Sammygirl? You walked in there and took what I wanted and in a couple of days you will hand it over to me and them the possibilities are wide open for me. Nothing and nobody will be able to stop me!"

Suddenly Sam understood. Right now she possessed the Slayer-powers Lilah wanted them. With those powers she would be almost invincible and she could do some very terrible things with that kind of power. Sam shivered at the thought alone.

"What about Fred?" she asked. "What do you want from her?"

"Oh, the little annoying one is a very dangerous girl. She is supposedly 'The One'. The Powers That Be have very significant plans with her."

Fred shook her head. "She's wrong," she whispered to Sam, knowing she could only hear her because of her enhanced hearing. "I think she is confusing me with someone else."

"Why do you think she's 'The One', Lilah?"

"She sees things, annoying little vision-girl. That started it all and time will make her stronger and stronger. And she will soon be 'The One' doing their bidding, 'The Superior One'. And we can't have that can we?"

"Oh God, Cordelia!" Fred whispered desperately. "She thinks I'm The Seer."

"Fred is not." Sam began explaining, but a look from Fred stopped her.

"Don't bring Cordelia in danger."

Lilah Morgan caught the communication going on between her two prisoners.

"Stop that! No hanky panky and no talking while I'm present.. Now, what to do about it? Hmmm? I'll have to wait for a new gadget. You seem to have left one exploding inside Faith, didn't you, Sam? And you, annoying one," she let go of Sam's hair and turned to face Fred. "What to do about you?"

Fred winced, when she saw Lilah come closer to her.

"I don't have much use for you, do I? You're trouble now and you're certainly going to be trouble later. So the most practical solution." Lilah took a gun out of her pocket. "..is to get rid of you."

Sam was about to protest, begging the madwoman to stop this nonsense, that she had the wrong woman, that she. when Lilah raised the gun, placed it at Fred's right temple and pulled the trigger.

"Don't get too exited, Faith." Buffy said coldly. "When this is over you're going back."

Faith rolled her eyes and shrugged provocatively, trying to hide how uncomfortable she felt.

Somehow Willow had managed to get Faith out of jail without making anyone suspicious. Cordelia had stressed very insistently that restoring Faith as a slayer was very essential for their future.

Everybody was edgy and nervous after the attack on the hospital room that resulted in Sam's kidnapping.

"Do you have any idea about what Lilah's next move will be?" Faith asked.

Willow refused to look at her when she answered. "We think Cordy is the next target. If Lilah kills Cordy, she will gain control over. something. At least she thinks so, and Cordy seems to agree, although she's very reluctant about telling us anything concrete."

"What is my role in all this?"

Willow shrugged. "Cordy says her hands are tied until you're a slayer again."

"Her hands are tied?" Faith shook her head. "That's cryptic."

"Apparently she can do something about this, about Lilah and the whole situation, IF you become a slayer again." Buffy added. "It doesn't make sense, but we know that Cordy has a direct line to The Powers That Be, so we have to trust her on that."

Somehow Faith knew that their guess was right. Cordelia was the next target. How and why she knew that, was a mystery for her, but she was certain of it. And her gut told her that it would be a catastrophe if Lilah managed to get Cordelia killed, for more reasons than the grief of a dead friend.

Buffy and Willow had placed her between them as they walked down the street and she felt their watchfulness and distrust like cold, clammy hands on her skin. She didn't know why it hurt her, but it did.

Not being a slayer felt very, very weird. The world was a very different place to be without enhanced senses. Everything seemed duller, weaker, more vague and unclear, and definitively more unsafe.

And it felt very weird walking down the streets, free as a bird and in the company of Buffy, her former nemesis and her Wiccan friend, visitors from a past she really didn't want to remember.

When they looked at her they only saw the slayer turned evil, in their eyes she sensed contempt and maybe even a little bit of the old hatred thrown in.

And soon, to top it all off, there would be Cordelia and Wesley to deal with. Man, how she missed Strawberry's friendly face and loving eyes. And Sam's warm body.

*************

"Have any of you heard from Fred?" Cordelia asked worriedly.

Neither Gunn nor Angel had heard or seen anything of Fred since before the attack.

"Are you two fighting or something?" Gunn asked.

"Or something." Cordelia was not about to talk about her troubled relationship with Faith in the room. Especially since it was because of her it was troubled in the first place.

Kim watched her closely and Cordelia knew those intense blue eyes didn't miss much.

She glared at the psychiatrist, the glare that usually made even Angel shiver, but Kim was totally unfazed by it and she just kept on . watching her.

Did her contract say anything about being civil to associated psychiatrists? Cordelia seethed, but kept her mouth shut.

"So what's the plan?" Gunn asked.

Buffy and Willow looked at each other. Buffy nodded.

"We think that the device used to make the switch between Sam and Faith is similar to the one that the switched Buffy and Faith years ago." Willow showed a drawing with a lot of strange signs and equations.

"We think we will be able to make a device that could switch them back. The only snag in it is that we won't be able to test it. And it COULD be dangerous, especially to Sam whose body receives one shock after the other these days."

"But it's a risk we have to take," Cordelia emphasized.

"First of all we have to find Sam," Buffy said. "When she's safe we can take the next step."

A buzzing indicated that there was someone at the door. Gunn went out to see what it was.

"What could happen to Sam?" Faith didn't like the thought of a hurt Sam at all. "Could she perhaps. die?"

"Yes," Willow nodded. "It's a possibility."

"No." Faith shook her head. "Then it's a definitive no."

"What?" Buffy stared at her. "What do you mean by 'no'?"

"Don't reverse the thing. Let her be the slayer, teach her to live with it, She'll probably be better at it than I ever was."

"Probably." mumbled Cordelia.

Faith stiffened.

"What's your angle, Faith?" Buffy asked, every word dripped with acidic mistrust. "What would you be gaining from that?"

"Oh, maybe as unlikely as it sounds, she's just being chivalrous. She's sleeping with Sam." Cordelia hadn't planned to voice that thought, especially not that bitterly, and she saw the shocked reaction on nearly everyone's faces. Faith was pale as a ghost.

"But what about Brooke.?" Willow asked. "Does she know."

"This isn't going anywhere." Kim said and Angel silently agreed.

"We need to focus on what to do," Wesley gestured towards the drawing of the device. "We can't let Sam stay as she is now, as much as it sounds appealing to some of us. Sam isn't a slayer; she's not meant to be one, she's not prepared for that and most important we know from Cordy's visions that it is essential for our future."

"Bullshit!" Faith yelled. "It not fucking essential that I rot away in prison as a slayer, is it? In there it means shit! You can train her, perhaps even better than I was ever trained. As for the 'meant to be' shit, look at all of you. How many of you were 'meant to fight evil'? How many of you were 'prepared' before you got thrown into it?"

"That's not quite the same, Faith." Wesley said patiently.

"Why the hell not? She's not stupid and she's strong. Hell, C told me she's a perfect match for me, except for the slayer part."

"First of all, you have a chance of parole."

"I WHAT?!"

"You. you didn't know." Wesley fidgeted with his glasses.

"Hell no!" Faith was livid. Parole? She had always thought that they had thrown away the key. She hadn't even considered appealing. Buffy had asked her to take her punishment and she had.

"You don't have you worry your asses off. I'm not going anywhere. I know I deserve to be in that fucking hellhole and I haven't done anything to get out before time, so this is obviously a mistake."

Gunn walked in. "It's was some delivering service at the door. There's large package out there and it's for you Cordy. The note said it was urgent."

"Do you expect anything," Wesley asked.

"No."

"We have to be careful."

The package was a large box. After a thorough examination they decided that it would be safe to open it.

"There's blood inside," Angel said. "I can smell it."

"Blood attached to a body or just blood?" Buffy asked.

"I'm not sure. But if there's a body in there it's not among the living anymore," Angel answered.

A warning feeling deep in Cordelia gut told her that this would be horrible. She stiffly walked towards the box and stumbled halfway. Kim immediately stood by her side and stopped her from falling.

"You have an idea about what this is, haven't you?" Kim whispered.

Cordelia nodded, unsure if her voice would function properly. It was like being in an isolated bubble. All sounds were muted and metallic and everything in the room seemed so far away, like she was visiting from different dimension.

"No." She whispered hoarsely. "Oh please, please no."

"What's wrong?" Faith was at her side. "What's the matter?"

"No..no.no."

"Open the package," Wesley said to Gunn and Angel.

Buffy took Willow's hand, dread and premonition drew them closer to each other and soon Buffy stood in the circle of Willow's arms.

They knew something awful would come out of that box. Cordelia's devastated and sickly pale face told them a horrible thing was about to happen.

Kim's support was the only thing that kept her standing.

Faith turned around and looked at the box. There wasn't anything she could do but watch, as Gunn opened it and revealed what was in it.

"Oh God.no." He fell to his knees.

Cordelia didn't have to see for herself. She knew. She knew that life as she knew and loved it was over. Nothing would ever be the same.

Willow cried softly into Buffy's strong shoulders and felt the slayer move around, so that she could hold her tight and place small comforting kisses on her neck.

"Close it." Kim said and turned Cordelia away from the sight.

Wesley was unable to move, so it was Angel and Faith that gently placed the body more comfortable in its coffin and closed it.

She felt more in control of her considerable strength now. At least she felt more at home in her body. Still in a straitjacket there wasn't much room to work with it, but she had managed to get the jacket a little looser and since Lilah hadn't been observant since she shot Fred, the loosening was undetected.

It was like the act of killing directly and in cold blood had tipped Lilah off some internal edge and Sam was sure the woman had lost the last bit of sanity.

Sam had stopped cursing herself and even stopped wondering about how she got herself into this mess. And she was trying hard to stop thinking about all those nightmarish things she had heard about and seen too much of these last couple of days.

Actually she felt like she had lived a horror movie, but she wasn't about to dwell on the absurdity of that before this was over and done with. Hopefully over in a good and decent way, like those movies often ended.

And she had learned to hate. Nothing in her life before this had prepared her for that emotion. Her feelings for Nicole Julian a lifetime ago were baby food compared to what she felt for Lilah Morgan. For the first time in her life she wanted to kill someone. For real. For good. Forever irreversible.

And she still had blood on her from Fred's exploding head.

************

When Sam woke up Lilah was talking on the phone. Or more accurate arguing with someone. Passionately.

"I'm going to do it as soon as possible! That's the price I have to be pay, that's the only thing they want from me. Don't try to stop me, you know I'm right about this. It's our only chance! And if it succeeds.Think about it, we will be able to."

The person in the other end shouted something. Sam couldn't hear the words, but it was clearly a woman.

"Take it easy, it won't come to that. I WILL keep the control, they will just think they have it."

The person on the other end of the phone shouted again, to Sam it sounded almost hysterical.

"No, I had to do it. It will paralyze her, make her stumble. I had to. We had the wrong one and I had to slow her down."

Sam tried to make sense of the words. Lilah killed Fred to slow someone down, that someone Fred was mistaken for in the first place.

Cordelia.

It couldn't be any other than her. Sam knew she was some sort of a seer, and that was what Lilah had thought Fred was.

So now Cordelia was in grave danger.

"No!" Lilah raised her voice. "We knew this could happen. It will kill you, you know that. You will cease to exist. And we have worked on this for years. This is the only way!"

For a moment Lilah looked like a ordinary distressed woman trying to convince someone of something very important.

"I just know, okay? I have connections. You have to trust me on this. For once in your fucking life you got to trust me!"

Sudden Lilah stiffened, obviously remembering that there was another person in the room. She looked at Sam and saw that she was awake.

"I've got to go. Call you soon." She slammed down the phone. "Don't listen to conversations that are none of your business," she sneered.

"Then don't have them in the same room as me, then!" Sam barked back, feeling that unknown fire inside that she had begun to think of as the slayer in her.

"Don't be so cocky, fake slayer. Remember I'm in charge here."

"Yeah, you are, but until you get from me what you want, you won't kill me. Am I right or am I right?"

Lilah slapped her hard and pulled her head back by the hair, so they could stare into each other's eyes.

"But I can hurt you, little girl, as you never have been hurt before. And as a slayer you'll heal quickly and then I can hurt you all over again. So don't temp me, Sammygirl. It's a challenge you won't win."

And Sam thought about Brooke and the other's that this woman could hurt without even blinking an eye. The death of shy and gentle Fred proved that.

'If this ends and I live when it's over, I'm going to find a job in an office environment, typing numbers or something. Low wage, low risk, no
excitement but alive when the day is over.'

"You want to be a slayer, is that it? You haven't gone through all this trouble for that, have you?" Sam asked, hoping the distraction would make Lilah loosen the hold on her hair.

And it did. Lilah let go of her after one last pull, that almost tore her hair out by the roots, and she stepped back.

"You may not even survive the change. Apparently I was selected very carefully wasn't I?" Sam relied on the fact that most people loved talking about them selves when given the chance, especially when they, like Lilah, were under a lot of stress.

She had do to something and if she could gather some vital information, she would be able to help Faith and her friends. Hopefully she would be alive to pass on the information.

Lilah shrugged, a far away look in her eyes. "Rather me than. she offered herself, you know? She had the chance for years, but I said no. I'm more suited for that risk. And she was attracted to that bitch, didn't make the situation better, did it?"

"Who are you talking about, Lilah?"

Lilah's eyes narrowed and she was back in full psychopath mode. "Tsk..tsk.. Sammygirl, trying to pump me are you? Don't bother, you won't get the opportunity to brag about your knowledge to anyone. Your friends can't do a thing to save you."

Sam shivered at the look in the madwoman's eyes. There wasn't any doubt in her mind that this woman would kill her as soon as the slayer was successfully transferred. She had to escape before that happened, somehow get her considerable new strength into gear and get out of here.

Lilah laughed and it was a not a nice sound. "I know what you're thinking, Sammygirl. You think that because you resemble Faith in so many ways, you'll be able to play hero and get everyone out of this. But I got to tell you a secret. Faith was never a hero. She's a cold-blooded killer, screwed up since childhood because her father abused her and her if mother didn't participate, she didn't give a shit either. Faith tried to ruin everybody's life because she couldn't cope with the fact that nobody cared, and that she was a loser despite being a 'chosen one'."

Lilah caressed Sam's face. "You even look a little bit like her. You could be sisters. Oh yes, that's right, that won't stop you. You're already fucking a sister, aren't you? Replacing one fake sister with another? I bet Faith was the better fuck, wasn't she? Better than the blonde bimbo you almost killed."

Sam flinched. She didn't want to let the words hurt her, but they did anyway.

"As a rule I don't do girls." Lilah laughed. "But she was worth it. The exception that proves that rule. But you know that, don't you? Faith is pure dynamite on a sheet. A tongue to die for."

Lilah unexpectedly twisted Sam's nipple. Hard. Sam almost screamed in pain.

Lilah laughed. "Don't worry, in that regard you also a fake slayer. You'll never measure up to the real deal."

She let go of Sam's nipple and left the room. Sam heard her chuckling until the front door closed.

Once again she wanted to kill. Real. real..bad..

Everybody was trying to get some much-needed sleep. Wesley's office reminded Faith of a crowded detention where the inmates found every useable corner to sleep in and desperately tried to find a comfortable position in a clean spot.

Angel was out on the streets trying to get information that could help them locate either Sam or Lilah Morgan.

Gunn slept restlessly on the floor and Wesley did the same in his chair. Willow snored lightly in Buffy's arms on the couch and Cordelia was outcold in the other room where Wesley had a small bed for when he was working late.

The only ones awake were Faith and Kim Legaspi. They sat in opposite corners and listened to the small sounds coming from the sleepers.

None of them said anything, but they nodded to each other now and then, and it was oddly comforting.

Regularly Kim checked up on Cordelia, keeping track of how she was doing or if the sleeping pills were wearing off.

The pills had been the only way to keep Cordelia calm and get her to sleep a bit, without the image of the battered body of her lover waking her up screaming.

Faith watched Dr. Kim closely. 10 or 15 years older than herself. Quite beautiful in that blond, blue-eyed way that was the all-American version of perfection on screen. She was a knock-out now and must have been devastating when she was younger. If you went for the type.

Faith eyes shifted over to Buffy. A little too short in stature compared to Kim, but still the same all-American quality that everybody fell in love with.

She quirked a little smile. Apparently Willow, too. They looked so adorable lying there together, closer than friendship normally brought people.

Everybody insisted that they weren't lovers, but Faith was seriously beginning to doubt that. They acted like lovers, obviously cared for each other like lovers, even if it was true that they didn't have sex, Faith was absolutely sure the feelings were there.

She shifted her attention back to the tall blonde in the opposite corner.

Dr. Kim got up. She peeked at Cordelia in the other room and obviously found that everything was okay with her patient. And then she glanced shortly at the staring Faith, before entering the kitchen, closing the door behind her.

Shortly after Faith followed, driven by a mixture of curiosity and restlessness.

Kim sat at the table drinking something and she looked up when Faith opened the door.

"Mind if I join you?"

"No, you're welcome," Kim found another cup. "I've had made some coffee. Want some?"

Faith nodded. "Thank you."

For a few minutes they sat quietly, enjoying the coffee and trying to get comfortable in each other's company.

"So." Faith said. "You're still attracted to her, aren't you?"

Kim blinked in surprise. "What?!"

"I even think you had some sort of relationship with her once. Am I right? But you screwed it up somehow."

Finally over her initial shock Kim laughed. "My God, you're blunt. And quite observant, I must say."

"In prison you have not much else to do but observe. I wasn't like that before, believe me."

"Ah, I think you underestimate yourself, Faith." Kim lifted an eyebrow.

"Perhaps." Faith grinned. "Okay, doing the bad things I did back then, demanded some observation skills on my part. I fooled a lot of people."

A line of sympathy was drawn between them and when their eyes met, it was with a more unguarded and friendly approach this time.

"So." Faith repeated. "I was stupid enough to let her go, turning evil and all, what's your excuse?"

Kim's eyebrow almost flew out of its socket in surprise, but she considered Faith's question for awhile. Did she really want to answer that?

"I thought she was too young. I believed she was in love with someone else." Kim paused, giving Faith a significant look. "And I was still mourning a lost love. Bad timing, I guess."

"And you hurt her?"

"Yes, I'm ashamed to say that I did. After a wonderful week of bonding and lovemaking, I left her without explanation, without telling her my full name or where to reach me. She could have found me though, if she really wanted to, but she didn't. I guess she got the message that I wasn't interested, even if it wasn't the whole truth."

"She's going to need you now. Need a solid rock to lean on, not a careless flirt that ends before it begins. And if you intend to offer a friendship, in one form or another, you better stay to the bitter end."

The barely concealed threat made Kim's lips twitch. "What about you, Faith? It's sounds like you are bowing out gracefully?"

"I can't offer her anything. I'M just as screwed up as my LIFE is right now, and as you know I'm going back to prison when this is over. And apart from that, I don't think she like me very much."

"You have a chance of getting a parole," Kim pointed out. "You just have to take it. And for Cordy not liking you, I think you are very wrong about that. She still feels the hurt from how you apparently treated her back then. It's an unresolved issue between you that have to be dealt with before you can move on. But I really think she wants that."

Faith shrugged. "I'll think about it."

But Kim had a suspicion that Faith closed the subject because she didn't want to confront that part of her past. Yet.

"So." Kim smiled mischievously. "How about those."

"Don't even go there!" Faith grinned.

"Not much for small-talk, are you, Faith?"

"Nope."

They grinned at each other and nevertheless found a common small-talk ground to start on.

Strangely enough their conversation drifted to books. Faith had a lot of those to talk about, reading being the only leisure-time occupation she had for years. And they both enjoyed it.

For the first time since she left the prison, Faith felt relaxed and comfortable in another person's company.

Kim was easy to talk to and had a dry sense of humor that made Faith laugh. The fact that Kim was a psychiatrist would normally have made Faith tense and reticent, but instead she felt instantly at ease with the other woman and liked that Kim didn't try to, as she had expected, analyze her or anything.

It surprised Faith that she was capable of leading a normal conversation with a shrink and that the shrink didn't try to nail her, being an interesting case and all. And Kim wasn't overbearing and pushy like Mrs. Pickett.

They talked for almost an hour before they decided to get some sleep themselves until the sleepers woke up.

Both of them felt oddly rested and a lot calmer than they were before.

A sudden impulse made Faith bend down and kiss the other woman softly on the lips. And Kim responded favorably.

It wasn't a kiss of passion or even attraction; more like sealing a deal of mutual support and maybe even, given some time, a friendship.

But the shocked Cordelia in the doorway to the kitchen, obviously didn't see it that way.

"No." she whispered brokenly. "No..no..no. and the she turned around and run out of the office.

Even in her drug induced sleep, she heard Tara's voice clearly.

'You know where Sam is, Cordy. Go and lead the others to her. You know where she is. Wake up! Come on, wake up, Sam needs you!'

And Cordelia woke up, as ray of light cleaned her brain and burned all the clutter away.

"I know where Sam is."

She hurried out of bed, wanting to wake everybody up as fast as she could.

And nothing had prepared her for the shock of seeing Faith and Kim kissing in the kitchen. Nothing.

Pain burned through her body like a raving fire. This could not be happening, could it? Her stomach dropped painfully as she watched the tenderness between the two.

It was probably one of the worst scenarios she could think of. Not many people, besides Fred, had affected her life like those two had. They had found their way to her well-guarded heart and broken it just as easily, without concern and seemingly no remorse.

In a way they made her lose her trust in love, made her believe that love didn't exist for her. Until Fred, with a natural unselfishness and inborn kindness, saved her from that delusion.

And showed her very thoroughly what love could be.

Seeing THAT, seeing her former lovers kissing, was. devastating. Yeah, devastatingly agonizing and painful beyond her expectations.

Not that she had expected that to happen. Never in a million years.

Cordelia imagined the two of them DATING, LAUGHING TOGETHER, KISSING, KISSING PASSIONATELY.MAKING LOVE.

No...no.no.no. That mental image was. was. in loss of a better word.devastating. She closed her eyes and focused on erasing the image. and the pain.

"Oh God, Fred, I miss you! I don't know how to survive without you... you would have calmed me down and convinced me that it was none of my business. And you would have been secretly pleased by the prospect of Faith being out of circulation, wouldn't you?" Cordelia managed to smile a little at that.

A sound of a car driving by made her aware of her surroundings. It hit her that she hadn't heard the sound of cars for a long time.

When she ran away from Wesley's office, she hadn't been thinking of direction and geography. Now she was exhausted like she had participated in a marathon and she had no idea how far she had gotten.

The area she ended up in was unfamiliar and full of warehouses and workshops that had been closed off for years.

'You know where Sam is,' Tara's voice reminded her. And suddenly Cordelia recognized the place from her dream.

She stopped in front of a familiar warehouse. This was it. Sam was in there.

Her eyes found the hidden entrance that nobody, except for the people that used to work here, knew about. Tara had said it would be easy.

For a brief moment she considered calling for help, but dismissed the thought. She didn't have her phone with her and it would take too much time to find one in this part of the town.

And somehow she knew Sam was alone right now. She had to take a chance.

She followed the directions she guessed Tara had provided her with and ended up in the part of the warehouse where the offices were.

Second door on the right. An easy lock in the dream. or just bash the glass in. Nobody will hear.

Lilah had just left the warehouse. Cordelia could almost sense her in the air, but she would be back, sooner rather than later, so Cordelia had to act quickly. She took her sweater and rolled it around her hand like a boxing glove and punched the glass in.

When the door opened and she stepped inside the room, the first thing she saw was huge, brown eyes staring at her in panic. Sam sat tied to a chair and a straitjacket kept her in place.

Cordelia smiled reassuringly. "Well hallo, nice meeting you here. We have looked all over for you."

It took Cordelia less than a minute to get a very relieved Sam out of her... predicament.

Sam instantly scratched her thigh intensely. "Man, I was going absolutely NUTS. That itching spot moved around like it took pleasure in tormenting me. This is almost better than se." She stopped herself and blushed. "Umm, sorry."

"I've heard the term before," Cordelia said dryly.

Sam's cheeks became redder. She was really quite adorable.

Cordelia saw a lot of conflicting emotions in Sam's expressive eyes. Relief. Expectancy. Excitement. Trepidation. Anxiety. Fear. Sorrow. Guilt.

She had seen Fred die. And the blood on her face and clothes could easily.

"No, don't go there, Cordelia. Not now. Don't fall apart. You don't have time for that."

Sam placed a tentative hand on her shoulder. "I'm so, so sorry. I wish I could have done something to stop." Her voice shivered in pain. "If I had known how to use. this." she said indicating her body. ".as a real slayer would, maybe."

Cordelia shook her head. "This is not the time nor the place for this, Sam. We have to get out of here."

Sam nodded and visibly collected herself. "Let's go."

*************

"Only ONE accomplice?" Wesley asked. "Are you absolutely sure about that?"

Sam nodded. "Lilah never mentioned anyone else and she was the only one in the warehouse. And then there was this phone call. From a woman."

Sam retold as much of the conversation that she could remember.

Cordelia listened to the story with half an ear. The rest of her concentrated on the fact that they had Sam now and that they could start the process of changing Faith and Sam back.

And when that was over and done with she could make "the big choice" and change the past, the present and the future in one jump. Or rather she and Faith could. Faith had to go back and stop Lilah.

And Fred would be alive. And Kim and Faith would never happen.

"Are you okay?" Kim whispered.

Cordelia flinched in surprise. She hadn't even seen Kim move to her side.

"Are you okay, Cordy." Kim repeated, and gently took her hand.

"Duh!" Cordelia thought and rolled her eyes. "I'm just peachy, thank you very much." But she kept her mouth shut.

And her hand stayed in Kim's.

"I want to see Brooke," Sam said. "Cordy told me that she's awake."

"It's not safe for you to go out right now," Wesley took off his glasses, uncomfortable with telling her she couldn't see her lover. "Lilah might keep the hospital under surveillance."

"Buffy and Angel are waiting at the warehouse. Maybe we'll get lucky and catch before she does more damage." Willow said. "Maybe we should start working at the big swap instead." She looked at Sam. "We have to explain to you the risks involved."

"I don't care about the risks! I'm not a vampire-dusting and demon-killing type of gal. I want to be plain old Sam McPherson, I want my life and my lover back, and I want to go home."

"Which one of your lovers?" Cordelia mumbled, not expecting anyone to hear it.

Kim did and squeezed her hand reassuringly.

And Sam did. And she paled visibly. "You told them?" She looked at Faith for the first time since she entered the room.

"No." Faith stared at her hands and clenched them. She wasn't about to discuss this.

Cordelia sighed. She saw the hurt flashing between the present and the former slayer.

"I'm a seer, Sam," she said softly. "It means I see things, even things I'm not really supposed to see."

"Oh." Sam touched one of Faith's clenched fists. "I'm sorry. I was just. If Brooke."

Cordelia had never seen Faith so. fragile. before. The utter resignation in her eyes tore at Cordelia's heartstrings. Faith was the only one in all this mess who didn't have anyone. No family, no friends. nothing. Were there anyone back in prison? Probably not. Faith wouldn't let anyone get that close. A lonely existence. Cold and lonely.

Her eyes met Faith's and for a brief moment some sort of understanding passed between them, and then Cordelia blinked and it was gone again.

Willow studied the two of them intensely, obviously wondering about the tension between them.

"I need some time to think this through. I think I will go back to the hotel and check up on some stuff. Maybe I can find something we can use in Wolfram and Hart's old files. Tell Buffy to call me."

Wesley nodded. "And call us if you find anything. And I mean ANYTHING."

Willow grinned. "It's almost like the old days. I even wish Xander was here."

That made Cordelia laugh and she and Willow hugged before Willow left.

One of Wesley's temporary secretaries knocked on the door and announced that there was a very insistent woman in the front office.

"She says it's urgent, Wesley," the secretary said, when everyone seemed uninterested in her announcement.

"Probably someone who wants to sell something. I used to turn down a lot of those," Cordelia said. "I hate it when they use your name all the time, like they know you very intimately. It's creepy."

"I have something to sell and I think you will be interested," the woman in the doorway said.

One of Wesley's temporary secretaries knocked on the door and announced that there was a very insistent woman in the front office.

"She says it's urgent, Wesley," the secretary said, when everyone seemed uninterested in her announcement.

"Probably someone who wants to sell something. I used to turn down a lot of those." Cordelia said. "I hate it when they use your name all the time, like they know you very intimately. It's creepy."

"I have something to sell and I think you will be interested," the woman in the doorway said.

Sam's mouth opened and closed like a fish on dry land. 'This can't be.? What is SHE doing here?'

Faith eyes widened in disbelieve and she cursed silently, when her common sense concluded on the evidence. SHE was Lilah's fucking accomplice!

***************

"My maiden name was Dana Morgan." she began. "But nobody knows that anymore."

"Why are you here?" Cordelia asked suspiciously. "Won't your sister get mad at you or something?"

Dana Morgan laughed without a trace of humor. "In her state of mind at the moment, I think she would probably kill me."

"Then why take that risk?"

"Because she has to be stopped. This wasn't what we planned. Your friend's death is the last straw. She would have killed Sam, too, if she hadn't gotten away. She's out of control."

"And what's your deal? Why are you telling us this?" Wesley asked.

"I want out, but I want to keep my life remotely intact and I want to stay out of prison. I hope by helping you, you will help me in return."

"Give us the story from the beginning, then." Cordelia said coldly. "Then we'll see about that.."

Dana Morgan looked at her for a long minute. "You're the REAL seer, aren't you? The one Lilah meant to kill."

"What.. what.. do you mean?" Cordelia paled. "Fred died instead of me?"

"Somehow Lilah knew that you would be able to undo what she had done, or at least damage her plan considerably, and she couldn't let that happen."

"What plan?" Faith asked angrily. "What fucking plan are you talking about?"

"Not being a slayer hasn't softened your temper a bit, huh Faith?" Dana Morgan smiled sadly. "I kind of like that about you."

"Tell the damn story!" Cordelia demanded. "We haven't got all day."

"Actually I died when I was 17," Dana Morgan began her story.

And that made everyone sharpen their ears.

When she was 12 her parents died in an accident, and from then on she became like a mother for the three-year younger sister Lilah.

"We became everything for each other. Even when some family took us in, the bond stayed incredibly strong."

Lilah was the wild child and Dana the sensible and mature one. Where Lilah always found trouble, Dana always found a way to pull her out of it again.

But one day, two days after Dana's 17th birthday, they ran into more trouble than they could handle.

15 year old Lilah was walking on the wild side with some very bad company. And Dana went to the dark side of town to get her out of it.

Lilah refused to go and when her arguments thinned out, she and her friends ran away from her older sister, leaving her in a very tough part of town, with no protection.

And a vampire took her. At that time both sisters believed that vampires were mythological figures, but this enlightened them brutally on the subject. Or rather enlightened Lilah. Dana died, with two bite marks on the neck and sucked empty for blood.

Lilah never forgave herself. And this was probably the first time she went a little insane.

"And as you all know she became a lawyer in Wolfram and Hart and dealt with the occult on a daily basis. But, strangely enough, she worked WITH it instead of AGAINST it. That has always puzzled me, but she can't give me a reasonable explanation for that."

When Wolfram and Hart launched the project of altering the past and thereby keep the Hellmouth open, Lilah saw it as a chance to save her sister.

Somehow she convinced the firm that she had to go back not only once, to get Faith to leave the town where her true destiny began, but twice, to save her sister from the vampire.

"And then she suddenly found herself in THIS reality. Hellmouth was open and I was alive."

But somebody knew about it all. They had a lot of the old Wolfram and Hart files and wanted to end what the firm had started. And Lilah began working with them, trying to control the situation

"Do you know who they are?" Wesley asked.

"No, Lilah has kept me out of most of that, but they came up with the idea to revive the "Operation Castration" project. They wanted someone with slayer-power under their command. And the most suitable slayer to corrupt was in jail.."

Faith flinched.

"..so the old idea of transferring the power to another person, was the way to go. She had to get someone inside prison and make the switch. I offered myself because I was closer to Faith, but she refused to let me take the risk. She had lost me once and wasn't about to lose me again."

Lilah knew that Wolfram and Hart files had names of subjects matching both slayers that could be used in a possible operation. That was how she found Sam.

The preparation was very thorough and planned down to the smallest detail. Lilah posed as Brooke's new psychiatrist and brainwashed her into believing that her relationship was on the way down the drain, convincing her to leave Sam and make Sam more vulnerable to manipulation.

"The plan worked out fine, until both Sam and Faith went into a coma after the switch, and you," she looked at Cordelia and Wesley, "became interested."

And then the problems began for real.

Through her sources Lilah learned that someone tried to get the altered reality back to a more correct path. And that would probably mean the death of Dana. And she couldn't have that.

Lilah knew that her problems were somehow connected with Angel Investigation, as they had been so many times before.

"And you know the rest. She thought the young woman she killed was the seer that could change the altered reality back."

"You can change things back?" Faith asked. "How in the hell.."

"Not now, Faith!" Cordelia hissed.

Sam spoke for the first time since Dana Morgan entered the office. "You working in the prison, was it part of the plan?"

"No," Dana Morgan smiled. "That was pure coincidence. I knew Faith as an inmate long before this. I didn't even know about her being a slayer before Lilah convinced me to go along with her plan."

"So you were the one who sanctioned me being there?" Sam asked.

"Yes, and for that I'm really sorry."

"That's not good enough, Miss Piggy!" Faith sneered. "That not fucking good enough!"

"Faith." Mrs. Pickett tried to touch Faith's arm. "I never wanted to."

"No one ever 'wanted to..' I never 'wanted to'! People like us ruin everybody's fucking lives and all we can do is say 'sorry'. But 'sorry' is never enough is it? Sorry never erases the pain, the sorrow, the hatred. the guilt! This is too fucking much! We live in an altered reality. hurray! Everybody's life was meant to be different and Lilah changed it. And how? By making ME leave a fucking town somewhere? Great, I manage to help the evil without even KNOWING it! Fuck!"

"Faith, this is hardly your fault." Cordelia said soothingly, feeling the distress and guilt pouring in waves from Faith's tense body.

"If you change things back, maybe I'll be so fucking lucky that dear daddy will manage to kill me in that reality and fucking spare me from the horrendous task of living!"

Faith turned around and ran out of the office.

"Faith, don't leave!" Cordelia and Kim yelled in unison. And they both ran out of the door after her.

Wesley fidgeted with his glasses. "Hmmm, maybe we should sit down and talk about this in detail," he suggested.

"Maybe we should," nodded Mrs. Pickett, aka Dana Morgan.

After hiding for a while, making sure that no one followed her, Faith ran out of the building. Unfortunately, not being a slayer anymore, she fell on her ass when she bumped into Willow on her way in.

"Whoa!" Willow yelped and stared in surprise at the fallen former slayer. "Faith, what.?" And then she saw the tears and the red swollen eyes. "Are you okay? Has something happened? Is everybody okay? Is Buffy okay? What.?"

Faith averted her eyes. "Relax, everybody is fine. I just needed" she racked the brain for a good excuse, "some fresh air." 'Yeah, that's a good one, Faith!'

"Riiight.." Willow was not buying it either. As soft whisper, more a caress than anything else, told her to pull Faith up from the ground and drag her to the nearby café.

Faith followed her numbly.

At the café they found a secluded table and Willow ordered them some latté. She chatted away about neutral stuff like the city-traffic, and how cars pollute, while they waited for the order.

Faith said nothing. She looked like a deer caught in a headlight of one of the polluting cars and she just stared at Willow like she had grown an extra nose or something.

She and Willow had never been remotely close at being friends. Back in Sunnydale they started off okay, but soon Willow got jealous of her slayer-connection with Buffy and their relationship became strained. And Faith had loved toying with that jealousy.

In the end Willow won. Faith smiled at that. She was never really a treat, was she?

Of course, holding a sharp knife against Willow's throat and stealing her best friend's body in order to get a new life hadn't helped the mutual understanding..

Faith had been very envious of Buffy and the fact that she had friends and family that thought she was the center of the world.

Back then almost everything was about Buffy and for Willow's part everything really WAS about her. And by the look of it, things hadn't changed much..

Man, they were fucking blind and always had been! Oz, Riley and even to some extent Angel, were merely substitutes. Though, Faith really believed that Willow had loved that other witch. Tara. The name made her heart constrict. Strange..

"Tell me," Willow said, her voice turned serious, "what happened in Wesley's office that made you run like that?"

So, Willow had decided not to beat around the bush anymore and take thedirect approach..

Faith told her about Lilah and her sister Dana, a.k.a. Mrs. Pickett. Willow had to know anyway and this could keep her from asking more personal questions. And she needed to talk to someone about all this and a little voice in her heart told her that Willow would be the right one for the job.

And for some unknown reason she chose to follow the advice.

"So this Dana Pickett was your 'liaison officer'?" Willow tried to comprehend it all, and she chose the easiest part first. Lilah altering their lives and Cordelia being able to change it back would be considered later. It was a bit too much to start with, or even think about at all..

But Faith knew where Willow's thoughts really were. They were centered on the small rural town where Tara was born and where their future changed because Lilah made Faith leave before it was time.

Would Tara be alive if Faith had stayed? Would someone else be dead instead?

Why were Tara and Faith meant to meet? What would have happened between them had Faith chosen to stay?

These were the questions Willow REALLY wanted to ask. And Faith wanted them answered, too.

"And you knew about this?" Willow asked.

"Some of it, yes. Cordelia visited me in prison and told me about it. They wanted to warn me, because her visions indicated that I was involved somehow and they forewarned me about the switch with Sam."

"Why didn't Cordelia and Wesley stop it? Why didn't you?"

"The visions were very unclear and Cordelia didn't understand what they were telling her. She hoped I knew something."

"But you didn't?"

"No."

Faith didn't tell Willow about Tara coming to Cordelia in visions and that Tara had wanted to talk to her, too, but when everything went amok she lost the spell that could put her in contact with Tara.

Cordelia and the others could tell Willow about the 'Tara the ghost' aspect of the story, if she didn't know it already.

"It's somehow important that you're restored as the slayer," Willow continued, "Cordelia stressed that very insistently."

Faith nodded.

"It struck me on the way to the hotel that it was possible for me to create a spell that could make the switch, maybe even without any risks involved," Willow explained eagerly, looking exactly like the girl Faith remembered.

"The original switch was artificially coursed, not naturally. So the spell was really an easy one. I was on my way back to tell you all the good news, when I literally ran you over."

Faith became dizzy at the thought. There would soon be an end to this mess and she was on her way back to prison. And she hadn't talked to Buffy yet. Cordelia, Wesley and now Willow.but not Buffy..

"How is Buffy taking all this?" she asked hesitantly. "I bet she thinks this is shit. I mean, that you have to blow the chance to strip me of my slayer-power. If it was forever gone, you could sleep more safely at night. Especially if I get paroled."

Willow thought about this for a moment. Faith was right. She and Buffy weren't comfortable with the thought of a freed rogue slayer. But a little voice inside her heart told her that Faith could be trusted now, and that she could be an important ally in the future.

"I know you're one of the good guys now, Faith. And Buffy will see that, too. Just give her some time.."

Faith swallowed hard and nodded, trying to hide the dampness in her eyelashes. Maybe Willow was right..

"So you have the spell ready now?" she asked hoarsely.

Willow nodded.

"Lets get it over with, then."

**********

"Are you sure this is going to work?" Sam asked nervously.

"If it had been in her early witchy years I would have said no," Cordelia said before Willow had a chance to answer, "she had a tendency to screw everything up in the most imaginative ways."

"Cordy, you're not helping!" Buffy hissed.

"What I was trying to say, before I was so rudely interrupted," Cordelia continued, ignoring the blonde slayer, "is that Willow is a very competent Wiccan. Perhaps one of the strongest the world has known. You're in safe hands, Sam."

Both Willow and Buffy stared at Cordelia in amazement. Cordelia lifted an eyebrow and wiggled it at them.

Faith hid a grin and a small nervous giggle escaped Kim.

Willow sobered up first. "Let's get the show on the road, so to speak."

Faith and Sam sat beside each other. Their eyes locked.

"I'm sorry about everything," Faith whispered. "About you being dragged into all this and about. about.."

"I know," Sam took her hand. "I'm sorry, too."

One last time the attraction between them was released and was free to flow. A soft kiss cemented the brief connection they had shared.

"We are ready."

And Willow did her thing.

************

'Tara! I'm ready!" Cordelia shouted inwardly. 'I'm ready to make the choice..'

A thick fog surrounded Cordelia's thoughts and she drifted into a bright room where Tara was sitting in a comfortable looking sofa.

"Hi, Cordy," she greeted. "Sit down."

And Cordelia did was she was told.

"Faith has passed the test and she doesn't have to go back. Whatever you choose will happen in the same moment you make the choice," Tara explained. "And you're aware of the consequences of your choice?"

Cordelia nodded.

"Good." Tara touched her shoulder. "How are you feeling?"

"Sick."

Tara smiled.

"I really think there should be a third choice," Cordelia muttered. "The one where demons, vampires, slayers and seers doesn't exist. The one where I don't have to wake up in the morning with the sound of Armageddon knocking on my door. Wouldn't that be really nice for a change?"

"Yes, it would," Tara agreed, "I would have liked that third choice, too."

"I really hate this," Cordelia shook her head. "But it's a dirty job and someone has to do it. It just bad luck that I'm the one." She laughed. "This could be a movie or something. Who do you think should play me? Of course if I survive this, I could play myself, couldn't I? Half-dressed and perfectly tanned on a poster, you know me, wearing my most intriguing smile and holding everyone's life in the palm of my hand. 'The Vision Girl" or 'Cordelia, the mighty seer'. Or what about "The beauty and the visions save the world again and again and again and again and.."

"Cordy!" Tara tapped her on the arm.

"Sorry, I think I pulled a Willow there."

Tara eyes blurred with unshed tears.

"Umm, sorry," Cordelia hugged the ghost. "I didn't mean to.. I think my mouth just ran away with me."

"It's okay. I think this whole deal have affected me more than a non-living person is supposed to be affected." Tara's tired half-smile confirmed all the stress she had been through during the last months.

They relaxed in each other's arms for awhile, relieved that it was about to end, and scared of the outcome.

Tara knew that Cordelia's choice would be important for at lot of people and events, and if Cordelia chose right and passed HER test, she would be a very powerful person in the new reality.

She would be essential to keeping the Hellmouth closed and the evil dimensions at bay.

"Are you ready?" Tara asked softly.

"Yes." Cordelia closed her eyes.

32 EPILOG 1 (How it was supposed to be)

Tara hometown
(From part 20b)

It was like waking up drunk, surrounded by fuzzy air and hazy sounds. Her throat was dry and her mouth tasted like a rat first puked and then died in it. The first thought that entered her foggy mind was: NEVER, EVER AGAIN!!

Slowly and very carefully she peeked out of heavy eyelids, adjusting them gradually to the all too bright and shiny world on the outside.

"H..hi, are you feeling b..better?"

"Tara?"

Tara nodded and gave her a half smile.

"What.what happened?" With difficulties Faith got herself up in a sitting position. She was on the ground, Tara's sweater was under her head, wet with blood.

The calming scent she had felt while she was unconscious, must have come from that sweater...Tara's scent..

"I..I c.couldn't c..arry you. We.. we s.should go to the d.doctor."

"What happened, Tara?"

"Y.you we..were hit.hitting D..Donny."

"I remember that! How did I end up on the ground?"

"Be.Beth h.hit you over the h.head."

"Who the fuck is Beth?" Faith was slowly losing her patience. The girl's stuttering got on her nerves. And the frightened look in the blue eyes made her heart constrict unpleasantly.

"My.our cousin. S..she saw you and Do..Donny fight. I.I t.tried to s..stop her, I really di..did."

The girl was near her breaking point. Tears ran down her pale cheeks and into her mouth. She hiccuped and looked miserable and lost.

And Faith did something she never had done before. She hated being close to anyone physically, when Nic ruffled her hair, it was about what she could handle without being too uncomfortable. Nic sensed that and even when they slept side by side, she was very careful not to touch the younger girl. And she always soothed Faith's nightmares with her voice alone.

So now Faith was doing something very uncharacteristic for her. She took the older girl into her arms, held her tight while she cried her pain out.

She felt Tara's ragged breath against her throat, the heaving chest against her torso and fingers clutching her back in despair, and strangely enough she felt strong and tall. and at peace.

The girl felt good in her arms, warm and comfortable..

It scared the shit out of her..

(end part 20b)

******************

Later that week Nic returned. She fell in love in Portoville and brought a 17-year-old girl, Evelyn Conners with her. Long, strawberry blond hair, beautiful green eyes and a cherubic face that could melt steel, and it obviously had.

"I think someone's got a HUGE crush on you," Nic smirked.

Nic was walking on fluffy clouds and now she wanted the same thing for Faith.

"Who?" Faith asked with fake innocence.

"You know who I mean, F, that blonde, blue eyes chick. A real cutie, if you ask me."

"I don't!" Faith snapped.

"Don't what?"

"Ask you!"

Eve giggled and Nic rolled her eyes. "Come on, Strawberry, let's leave this sorry ass to herself for a while, I have something VERY interesting to show you."

Eve's youthful face and green innocent eyes suddenly turned very sultry and highly sensual, leaving Faith no doubt about what the interesting thing really was.

She couldn't help but envy the love that surrounded the two of them. The connection was almost palpable and it shone brighter than anything she had ever seen.

"H..hi," Tara said and smiled that cute half-smile that always hit Faith right in the gut. And sometimes even lower than that. "Do you wa.want to go on a pi..pi..picnic with me today?"

Tara already had a basket with food and stuff with her and Faith didn't have the heart to say no. And she didn't really want to either. The light in Tara's eyes and the huge smile on her face was reward enough.

They found a beautiful, secluded spot just outside the town and they stayed there for hours. They ate the food and talked about nothing and everything.

Faith found that Tara was easy to talk to and they told each other secrets that they normally kept close to the heart.

"So that's why I decided to run away," Faith concluded the censored tale about her awful childhood, in so many ways similar to Tara's.

"You're lucky you found Nicci," Tara's fingers softly gathered the tears from Faith's cheek. "Someone that cares and protects you."

"I can take care of myself," Faith huffed.

Tara smiled, "I know that, but it's nice to have someone anyway, isn't it?"

Reluctantly Faith had to agree.

They were lying side by side on the blanket, watching the air quiver in the heat from the sun on a cloudless sky.

Faith closed her eyes and enjoyed the warmth that caressed her skin. She felt content and relaxed, while she listened to Tara's voice telling her about how she first had found this place when she was a little girl.

Suddenly it struck Faith that after they came out here, Tara hardly stuttered anymore.

A warm hand sneaked into hers and they were lying there, silent now, enjoying the feeling of another person close by.

It was almost.romantic.. God! Faith shivered. How corny was that?

She glanced at the blonde girl who held her hand. Nic was right, she was cute. Warm blue eyes, full lips. A curvy body, not bones and muscle like Faith's own, that almost begged to be snuggled up against.

"Faith?" Tara asked softly.

"Hmm."

"I wish we could stay here. like this. forever..

Faith turned and their eyes met. "Me, too.."

Later, when Faith remembered that moment, she couldn't pinpoint how the kiss started. But it did.

Slow at first. Tentative and unsure. Then the caress grew firmer and more confident. A ragged moan escaped when Tara's mouth opened and she greeted Faith's tongue with her own.

Hands began a hectic wandering on soft skin and Faith felt how Tara's heart hammered in her chest. And she was relieved beyond words, that it wasn't fear that made it do that.

Faith found the curves underneath her just as warm and inviting as she had dreamed about.

And even in the dizziness of her passion, it shocked her to realize that her heart was hammering, too. She couldn't remember ever feeling like this before.

She wanted to swallow the older girl up, kiss everything, taste everything, feel everything.

Tara's breath was ragged, her nipples stiffening and begging for attention.

And Faith gave them just that. Somehow she managed to remove Tara's shirt and bra, and then she finally closed her lips around a hard nipple on a soft, full breast.

"Oh. God!" Tara gasped and buried her hands in Faith's dark hair. "Oh.I.oh.."

She almost screamed when the younger but far more experienced girl began lavishing attention on other parts of her suddenly deliriously alive body.Lips kissed her stomach, tongue tickled her navel. And knowing fingers caressed soft golden curls..

Tara's noises trailed off and she trembled uncontrollably when she felt something hot, wet and immensely soft touch her most intimate place.

Her grip on Faith's hair tightened. She stopped breathing.. And her veins exploded in a cascade of blazing hot waves that flooded her whole being.

Now she was sure she was in love. for real..

Faith hugged her closely and kissed her softly on the forehead, both of them content and. happy.

***********

"Please, t..take me with you when you and N..Nicci le..leave, Faith. Please, don't l..leave me h..here."

"I don't know.." Faith hesitated, not sure she was ready for a commitment like that. Okay, she really liked the girl, even if she wasn't ready to admit how she REALLT felt, but..

"Please, Faith!"

And those pleading blue eyes almost made her want to grab the girl on the spot and never let go.

'Oh, what the fuck.. What's the harm here?'

"How soon can you be ready?"

The kiss that followed took Faith by surprise. It poured out all the love that Tara felt for her and for the first time in her life Faith believed. believed that she was on the verge of something wonderful. something beautiful..

A few hours later they were on their way to Sunnydale.

34 EPILOG 2 (How it was supposed to be)
This takes place about the time that Faith regains her slayerness in the altered reality.

"Is the bride nervous, Josie?" Wesley asked.

His wife nodded. "Shakes like a leaf and stutters like she's never going to complete another sentence again."

Wesley laughed, "I remember clearly how nervous I was. I almost puked all over Angel."

"Me too, Kim had to smack me over the head several times to keep me focused."

"And keep you from running away, I bet." Nic whispered so anyone could hear. She and Eve had just arrived to the party and they greeted their friends with warm hugs.

"Wonderful to see you two," Wesley said. "How is Sunnydale."

"Quiet as a grave," Nic grinned. "The only trouble there is what this one attracts." Eve slapped her playfully on the ass. "And that is MORE than enough!"

"Everything is fine," Eve corrected her lover. "Despite Nic's bad taste in humor we're doing great."

"Has Nic got a sense of humor?" Dawn interrupted, dragging her latest boyfriend with her. "That's a new one, Eve. Are you quite sure about that? I thought she lost it somewhere years ago."

"Hey, Hot Shot, remember who pays your salary!" Nic growled.

Everybody laughed and enjoyed the fact that most of them were here, alive and kicking and celebrating the wedding of some dear friends.

Xander, Anya, Giles and Angel were the only ones missing.

"Are your friends her yet?" Eve asked Dawn.

"Sam and Brooke? Yeah, but they're moving around slowly these days, with Brooke being 8 months pregnant and all."

"I remember how that was," Josie shivered at the thought. "I just wanted that damn bubble to burst and set me free."

"Some women love being pregnant," Eve grinned. "At least I think I read that somewhere." Her newly cut short hair made her youthful face look maturer. In a way she looked like a totally different person.

"In a fantasy novel?" Josie rolled her eyes. "Just wait until it's your turn, then we'll see who will laugh at who!"

"Are you threatening the love of my life?" Nic purred dangerously. Her blue eyes narrowed and pinned Josie to the nearest wall.

"Whoa!" Josie gasped. "Keep tall, dark and deadly in a leash, will you?"

Eve laughed and patted her lover on the arm. "There, there," she said gently. "Don't scare our friends."

With great drama, Nic's large muscular frame sagged and she looked utterly defeated.

Eve slapped her again. "Be good."

"I'm always good," Nic gave her a sloppy kiss squarely on the mouth.

"What Strawberry wants, Strawberry gets," she kissed Eve again, a little more substantial this time.

"Do you know ANYONE that isn't gay?" Dawn's boyfriend whispered.

Dawn giggled. "Just be glad that I'M not a freak like the rest of them!"

"Who's a freak?" Buffy gave her sister a stern look. "Being a lesbian is very essential to this extended family. Actually YOU are the freak here, you know that, right?"

Dawn's boyfriend shifted uncomfortable on his feet, not knowing that the sisters had teased each other like that for years.

Eve sensed his nervousness and decided to save him. He looked cute and Dawn was quite fond of him. "Where's Willow?" she asked.

"She's helping Tara with something," Buffy shrugged. Her lover was always up to something with her fellow-witch and best friend.

Willow and Tara were almost inseparable at times. In the beginning Buffy had been jealous of the obvious connection and love the two of them shared, but as the years had gone by, she saw that Tara wasn't a threat to her relationship with Willow, but a wonderful person, a powerful witch and a great friend.

"It's really great that we have another Scoobie-wedding so soon after the last one. I just wish Xander could be here. And Giles-"

Everybody nodded their agreement. They all wished that Xander was back in Sunnydale, even Josie who always had found him a bit on the irritating side.

Giles wasn't feeling well and had to stay in England.

And Angel. Had he been alive, he would have enjoyed seeing his two friends getting hitched.

"I'm going to find Faith," Nic tried to spot her protégé among the guests.

"She's probably hiding somewhere," Eve suggested. "She hates these things."

"So do I," Nic purred into a delicate ear, licking the rapidly reddening lobe. She was quite fond of her lover's new look. Eve was cute and sexy before, but now she was absolutely stunning, and in a much more mature and highly sensual way.

"Yeah, but you have learned to look like you enjoy yourself," Eve said and swatted her lover. "Stop that, Nic! You're not allowed to arouse me at other peoples wedding, I'm sure that's in our contract somewhere."

"Hmmm.." Nic grunted. "No doubt written in very small and unreadable letters.. But if you insist.." She winked seductively and mouthed 'later' before she went looking for Faith.

Eve shook her head.

"Sometimes," Josie said wistfully, "I really want to be gay."

"What?" Wesley stared at his wife.

She blinked. "Just look at her." Her eyes followed Nic's tall, muscular frame strutting around like an alert cat, ready to jump into action anytime it was necessary.

"Who? Nic? Are you drooling all over Nic?"

"Don't sound so surprised. I'm not blind and numb, she really IS gorgeous, you know."

"Who is?" Willow asked.

"Nic."

"Yeah, no doubt about it," Willow agreed. "A little to butch for my own personal taste but absolutely a pleasure to look at. Just look at the way she moves.."

Wesley uncharacteristically rolled his eyes and Buffy stared at her lover in mock surprise.

"Oh my," she teased. "A good thing that I got over my jealousy years ago."

Eve grinned. "I'll have to say the same, Buffy, sometimes I have to beat women off of her with a stick. She's so thick-headed, blind or indifferent, I really don't know which, that she's not noticing the drool they leave on her chest."

That image made everybody laugh.

**************

"It's almost time," Faith said. "Why are you out here?"

Cordelia shrugged. "Same reason as you, I suppose. Just needed some peace and quiet."

Faith sat down beside her old friend.

"Have you ever considered asking Tara to marry you?" Cordelia asked.

Faith thought about it for a moment. "Yeah, I have. Even if I really don't believe in the religious part of it, but I sometimes think Tara would love it. She has a romantic heart."

"And you don't?"

Faith grinned shyly. "Not in a ceremonial sense. Tara knows that I love her like crazy, but I would hate to go through all this to tell her something she already knows. All that decoration and shit, people making sentimental speeches and singing silly songs to your praise. I would REALLY hate that!"

"Eve and Nic found a solution for that." Cordelia objected.

"Eve and Nic ALWAYS finds solutions for everything. That's their main talent. They find trouble and shoot it down. The troubleshooters.. par excellence."

Cordelia looked at the clock. "We have to go out there."

Faith nodded. "Fred is a beautiful bride, isn't she?"

"She is. Let's go out and see her, then."

*************

When Fred said 'I do' to Gunn, Cordelia cried. Even though they had never acted on the brief attraction between them, it was strangely enough a little bit difficult to watch Fred give herself to someone else.

An unlikely friendship was built from that attraction, between these two VERY different and seeming incompatible women. And Cordelia considered Fred her closest friend and she knew the sentiment was mutual.

"Are you okay, sweetheart?" A soft voice in her ear penetrated her gloom and lit a warm light as it had since she heard it for the first time all those years ago.

She shivered pleasantly, basking in the love she felt and was surrounded by.

"I'm fine." She kissed the lips close to hers. "Isn't it a custom to cry at weddings?"

"I suppose it is." Kim pointed in the direction of her friends from San Francisco. "Just look at Nikki, that old sentimental romantic; Helen is almost drowning in her tears. Or those two." She pointed at two other friends, Sandy and the normally cool and collected Kerry, who were almost dissolved in tears.

Cordelia laughed silently. "Old, you say? Aren't you a bit older than Nikki?"

Kim sighed dramatically. "And a lot older than you, sweetheart, but it won't stop me from doing this."

Only the sound of a polite coughing from Willow stopped them for deepening the kiss further, but Willow was right. This was not the time and place.

But later was..

The (happy) End

A grateful and heartfelt thank you to everybody that took the time to feedback me during the story. It meant A LOT for the process!

bwp