Title: Too Many Chefs...

Fandom: X-over, BtVS, Torchwood & Dr. Who

Pairing: Willow / Gwen

Spoilers: Stacks!

Rating: PG (Sorry, I'm just not good with the sex scenes)

Disclaimer: Characters and their props do not belong to me, BtVS are the property of Jos Whedon, Mutant Enemy (and maybe the WB and UPN), Doctor Who and Torchwood are the property of the BBC in general and the BBC Wales respectively. No copyright infringement is intended or inferred. I'm not making any money from them and I make no claim to them whatsoever.

Warning: F/F so if you're under 18 or living somewhere backward, please don't go on!

A/N: Yes, I was drunk when I wrote this! Sorry!

Feedback: Yes please

Willow sighed and threw both sweaters into the bag. She'd never been one to pack lightly, anyway. Pulling the bag closed and zipping it, she took one last look around her room to see if there was anything she'd forgotten. Her eyes paused on the pinboard of photos above her desk. Most of the space was still occupied by photos of the Scoobies, even though she had been at Oxford for three years now. Sure, she had new friends, but nothing could diminish the closeness she felt to her old friends after the numerous times they had saved the world. Even Faith, she mused, looking at the photo of the dark slayer, snuggled up with Kennedy. Some people might have thought it strange that she so whole-heartedly accepted the relationship between her ex and her former nemesis, but she genuinely harboured no grudge and wished them both well.

Packed and ready to leave first thing in the morning, she brushed her teeth and changed into her pyjamas. Turning to draw the curtain, she realised that the snow had stopped and looked up into the now clear night at the stars. She loved looking at them, they made her feel a little closer to Tara. There it was, the Big Pineapple. Oddly enough, she had recently learned that the Big Pineapple was actually a tourist attraction somewhere in Australia. Kennedy and Faith had sent her a postcard a couple of weeks ago. They had been sent Down Under by Giles to kill an evil little troll that had somehow managed to masquerade as the Australian Prime Minister for nearly a decade. She remembered Giles' words: "Oh, they knew he was an evil little troll, they just didn't realise he was actually an evil little troll." Willow chuckled at the memory and then gasped as the sky lit up.

Hundreds of meteorites streaked through the night. There was pandemonium as science geeks flooded the now brightly lit courtyard below her window. Her spidey sense tingled as she watched some of the objects - particles no doubt - burn out as another, much larger one disappeared below the horizon. From a deep glow silhouetting the trees on the hill, she knew that it had made landfall. Her phone rang, startling her.

"Uh, hello?"

"Willow, it's Giles."

"Oh hey Giles, you scared the crap outta me."

"Oh, I er... sorry."

"It's fine."

"I'm just ringing to confirm that you'll be on the 12:30 bus tomorrow?"

"Actually Giles, I'm sorta thinking that may not be the best idea right now."

"What? Why? You always come here for Christmas, and Buffy arrived earlier today, she's looking forward to seeing you..."

"Hey Will!" Willow could hear the slayer in the background.

"Hey Buff!" Willow answered.

"Willow says hello." Giles' voice was slightly muffled as he obviously turned away from the phone to relay her message. "Is everything alright, Willow?" he was back.

"Peachy," she answered him. "It's just that there's a honking great meteor shower going on here."

"Really? I didn't hear anything about a meteor shower being expected this evening."

"Me neither, and that's kind of weird when you consider my friends." Several of whom she could see right now as she glanced back down into the courtyard, some were whooping with glee, others were staring upward, jaws slack with awe. "And one of them... the meteorites, not my friends, I mean, has made landfall, I can see where it's hit."

"That's most unusual, something large enough to make landfall certainly would have been identified weeks ago."

"I know. There's something weird going on, Giles. I was thinking maybe you and Buffy should come here to Oxford and check it out."

"I think perhaps you're right. We can leave now, we'll be there in a couple of hours."

"Okay, I'll see you then."

Willow rang off and continued to stare at the glowing hilltop in consternation.


Willow, Buffy and Giles climbed out of Giles' late model Aston Martin and shivered at the frigid temperature. Giles frowned at the empty black SUV they'd parked behind. They obviously weren't the first ones here. They kicked their way through the snow and debris in the ditch at the side of the road and made their way to the edge of the small copse of trees. Giles' frown grew at the sight of a police tape barrier. The three looked at one another and shrugged. Buffy lifted the tape and ducked under it.

"Stop right there." A young woman was approaching them from through the trees. She was about Willow's height with dark hair. "This is a classified area, you can't come in here." She had an accent that Willow couldn't place, but she loved it instantly.

Buffy and Willow turned to Giles, who stammered, obviously thinking too quickly. "Our puppy, he ran away, he's in there. Tiny, tiny puppy."

"I'm sorry but this area's sealed off, if we find your puppy..."

"Gwen? Is everything okay?" A man with an American accent, dressed in an old-fashioned greatcoat approached from behind the brunette.

"Ah, just passers-by." Giles responded.

"We lost our puppy." Added Willow.

"Lemme get this straight, you three were just out here in the middle of the night taking your puppy for a stroll?" The man asked.

"So what's happening in there anyway?" asked Buffy, not bothering with the puppy story.

"Nothing of public interest," Gwen answered.


She was betrayed by the sound of a scream from behind her. Both she and the man drew handguns and raced back into the trees, Buffy hot on their heels, with Willow and Giles bringing up the rear.

The meteor lay smoking in a crater, a man's body lay beside it.

"Owen!" Gwen dropped to her knees and laid her ear on the man's chest. Willow felt a slight jolt of envy. "He's alive." She said after a moment, "But he's unconscious."

"You're Torchwood, aren't you?" stated Giles.

The man and Gwen shot glances at one another. "Who are you?" he asked after a moment, not answering Giles' question.

"I thought as much when I saw the black SUV." Giles continued. "We've been hearing a lot about you lately."

"I'm Captain Jack Harkness." The man seemed to come to a decision. "And just who, exactly, are 'we'?"

"I'm Rupert Giles, this is Buffy Summers and Willow Rosenberg." Giles indicated the two women. "From the slayer's council."

"Get out!" Gwen was looking back and forth between the red head and the blonde as she used a space-blanket from a first-aid kit to wrap the man on the ground.

"We're not going anywhere," Buffy commented.

"The vampire slayer and the witch?" asked Captain Jack.

"You know us?" asked Giles, puzzled.

"You knew us!" pointed out Captain Jack.

"We have files on you." Gwen explained. "But not, er... you." She glanced apologetically at Giles.

"No, not you. No, I'd remember you." Captain Jack commented, looking Giles up and down.


Willow found herself listening to the lilt of the Gwen's accent again. She had discovered that there were thousands of accents in the UK, but she'd never heard one quite like this before, it was almost musical. She wondered where the woman was from. Oops, she was staring, she realised, as Gwen turned big grey eyes on her curiously. She glanced back up at Giles who was speaking.

"Did you say the meteor was hollow?"

"The kind that has a chewy demony centre." Remarked Buffy.

"Queller?" asked Willow. "Gross." She grimaced.

"Queller." Confirmed Captain Jack. "We'd hoped to get here before it hatched, or broke out - whatever - but we were too late."

"We've had to come from Cardiff." Gwen explained.

Willow sneaked another glance back at Gwen. That accent again. There was something about Gwen. She was... sexy. Incredibly sexy, Willow realised. And she'd been caught staring again. The smile she sent Willow's way this time sent sparks of electricity through the redhead and she shivered, before spinning on her heel at the strangest sound. It was impossible to describe, almost a pulsing, whooshing sound. About five feet away, a blue box materialised out of thin air.

"Oh, hey!" Captain Jack hurried towards it excitedly, whilst Gwen shrugged at Willow's questioning glance.

A door in the side of the box opened and a man in a suit with sneakers stepped out, followed by a young woman.

"Captain Jack!" he exclaimed, grabbing him by the hand.

"Doctor!" Captain Jack took the hand and grabbed the other man in a hug as well. The expression on his face betrayed genuine tenderness.

"And Martha Jones! I thought you'd finally given this guy the shaft and gone home."

"I have." The woman grinned. "But he'd just dropped 'round for a cuppa when the Tardis alerted him to the meteor shower, so I thought, why not, just a quick one, and it's just down the road and all."


"Ssh!" interrupted Buffy urgently. She was gazing at a tree branch above Martha Jones' head. Hanging silently, upside down was the Queller. Immediately, Gwen and Captain Jack pulled handguns, but before they could shoot, Buffy had picked up a rock and launched it at the demon, hitting it squarely between the eyes. It dropped from the branch to the ground, missing Martha Jones by inches as she screamed and jumped out of the way. On all fours it hissed and growled at the assembled group. Buffy leapt at it.

"For god's sake, get out of the way!" Captain Jack was having trouble getting a clear shot.

Struggling with the creature, Buffy dodged as a bullet flew dangerously close to her ear, and the Queller escaped her grip, disappearing into the brush.

Furiously she stood, and panting, she glared at Captain Jack.

"Just so you know, those things - never useful."


"That was brilliant!" exclaimed the Doctor. "Not the shooting, but the fighting and the... oooh! Who are you people?"

"Ah, this is Gwen Cooper, and that's Owen" Captain Jack pointed at the prone figure next to the crater. "They're with me at Torchwood, and this is Rupert, Buffy and Willow from the Slayers council."

"The what?"

"Bunch of girls with super strength - new group, relaced the old Watcher's council." Captain Jack explained.

"Never heard of them, either."

"Pretentious old farts." Captain Jack commented, and both Buffy and Giles nodded in agreement.

"So, super strength, that's fantastic." The Doctor enthused.

"Yup." Buffy agreed. "Who are you again?"

"Who me? I'm the Doctor."

"Doctor who?" asked Gwen.

"Just the Doctor."

"Pretentious much?" asked Buffy.

"I s'pose it is, I dunno, what did you say your name was? Buffy?"

"There's nothing wrong with Buffy!"

"Sure. You keep telling yourself that."


Buffy's angry retort was cut off by a moan from Owen, who was stirring under the space blanket.

"Hey, buddy? Are you okay?" Captain Jack asked, crouching next to him.

Gwen was watching him with worried eyes as he raised himself to a sitting position. She turned and saw Willow watching her. With a glance back to assure herself that Owen was alright, she came to stand near the redhead.

"You don't look like someone who can destroy the world." Gwen said quietly to her, but matter-of-factly. "I was expecting someone, well, older, I suppose, even though I knew you were about the same age as me." She shrugged. "I suppose I thought you'd look, meaner or something."

"I didn't actually destroy the world, I just, y'know, tried." Willow blushed. "You can tell I didn't, coz, well, here we are!"

"Yeah, here we are." The brunette wasn't exactly beautiful in a sweet, Tara way, or a hard-assed sexy slayer, like Kennedy. She was something else, altogether. And she was reducing Willow to gooey mush just with her closeness. Willow swallowed and tried to pay attention to the scene unfolding before them.


"So, what going on here then?" the Doctor was asking.

"Queller." Giles told him. "Obviously."

"Ooh, nasty!" The Doctor rubbed his hands together with glee.

"And gross." Willow added.

"They are a bit, I suppose." The Doctor agreed.

"What's a Queller?" asked Martha Jones.

"Ugly critter that lives in meteors and kills lunatics." The Doctor answered, at the same time Buffy said "Crazy-people-killing demon."

"Demon?" Gwen asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Er, yes, the creatures we deal with, vampires and so forth." Giles explained.

"It's from outer space, surely it's an alien?" Owen asked.

"You say tomato, we say tomato." Willow shrugged.

"Vampires?" asked Martha Jones.

"Rose and I fought werewolves." The Doctor told her.

"Huh, imagine that." Willow sniffed.

"Really?" Owen asked now, looking excited. "We usually deal with aliens."

"Werewolves are aliens, well, sort of." The Doctor mused.

"What?" asked Willow. Oz had not been an alien. Okay, so he's been a little weird-looking, but he hadn't had antennae or anything.

"They are not." Stated Giles firmly.

"They are too." Contradicted the Doctor. "In fact, most of your demons are aliens." He turned to Captain Jack. "And most of your aliens are demons."

"Huh?" asked Jack.

"Yeah. It's complicated." The Doctor shrugged. "Dimensional rifts, other planets, other realities. Tomatoes. Right. Well. So who's got a plan, anyway?"

"I say we find it and kick its ass." Offered Buffy.

"Sounds like a plan." Commented Captain Jack, about to delegate orders when Buffy cut him off.

"So, it went that way, I suggest we follow it."

"I think I can track its energy signature." Owen offered.

"Great. Do it." Buffy nodded at him.

"I'll need Tosh's help." He said.

"Toth?" asked Willow apprehensively.

"No, Tosh." Jack corrected her. "She's our colleague. We can open a link to her back in Cardiff."

"I thought Toth was dead, anyway." Remarked the Doctor. "At least, that's what I heard."

"Yeah. Killed him." Buffy confirmed.

"Really?" the Doctor sounded highly impressed. "In the meantime, I suggest we spread out, do a little reconn, see if we can't find this Queller and," He glanced at Buffy. "Kick its arse."

"But wait, we still don't know why it's here." Giles put up his hand in protest.

"To kill crazy people, apparently." Answered Martha Jones.

"Oh, I think the real question is who summoned it." The Doctor raised his eyebrows.

"Which is exactly what I meant." Sniffed Giles.

"Can't we sort this out later? Right now it's out there looking for people to kill. Come on!" Buffy demanded.

"Right!" Jack agreed, looking sideways at the diminutive blonde. He was used to making the plan. Well, not when the Doctor was around, admittedly, but Buffy seemed to be taking control of the situation, and that was unexpected.


Fanning out into a circle, the group began to search through the underbrush, Martha Jones glancing up regularly and fearfully.

"So you work with the Doctor?" Gwen asked Martha Jones, who was a few feet to her left.

"We used to kind of travel together, but I thought we both needed a bit of space after we defeated the Master..."

"Hey, I killed the Master!" Buffy interrupted from the other side of Martha.

"No, the Master died about three months ago, he..."

"No, I killed the Master, like, a decade ago."

"I don't think so."

"Giles, tell her I killed the Master!"


She was cut off by a scream from Willow, who was between Captain Jack and Giles on the other side of the clearing. There was a sudden blue glow and the sound of crackling, and then silence. The group converged to find Willow sitting on the ground, her eyes wide and breathing heavily.

Captain Jack was lying on the ground, his eyes open, staring sightlessly at the sky. His mouth and nose were covered with a clear fluid, and his chest completely still.

"I... I got rid of it, but I don't think it's dead." Her panic was somewhat alleviated by having Gwen's attentions now lavished on her as the brunette checked her over for injuries.

"But... Captain Jack!" she exclaimed, feeling tears prickling the corners or her eyes as she gestured at the dead man.

"Uh, yeah." Said Gwen, continuing to check Willow over. She was so close that Willow could feel her body heat and she was glad the medical once-over didn't include her blood pressure which was currently going through the roof. The fact that Gwen seemed to be lingering in her assessment wasn't helping.

"I... I think he's dead." Exclaimed Giles, kneeling beside the body.

"Yeah, show-off." Muttered the Doctor, as Martha shrugged.

"But... But..." Stuttered Giles, and fell back with a yelp as Captain Jack sat up, wiping foul-smelling, viscous fluid from his mouth and nose as he did so.

"Aliens have no sense of hygiene." He commented as he stood up.

"You... you were dead!" accused Buffy.

"Yeah, funny about that." Was all he said.


"Right I'm ready to go." Announced Owen from behind them. They all turned to him.

"You're tracking it?" asked Buffy.

"Yeah." Owen gave Buffy the once over, and his lecherous grin showed he liked what he saw.
"Eyes up here!" Buffy scowled.

"Oh, er, right." He raised his gaze to meet hers. "It's somewhere over there." He pointed to the other side of the clearing. "A few feet into the brush, it's not moving at the moment."

"Right, here's the plan." The Doctor spoke and Buffy looked at him in shock, open mouthed, that had been her line - she'd been just about to say it. "Buffy, you flush it out into the clearing, make sure you leave a lot of room for our NRA fans here to get a clear shot, Gwen and Captain Jack, go for the kill shot."

"Will, protect Owen, Giles and Martha." Buffy added, not to be outdone.

"Right!" said the Doctor. "No, hang on. How's Willow supposed to protect them?" he asked.

"Witch." Explained Giles, Buffy, Gwen and Captain Jack in unison.

"Oh, that explains the earlier fireworks." Mused the Doctor. "Okay, Let's go!"


Willow watched as Buffy plunged into the brush. She knew the blonde had found the Queller by the growling, hissing and grunting. In seconds, the slayer and the demon/alien tumbled into the clearing, Buffy throwing the creature over her head so that it slammed into the still smouldering meteorite. Dazedly shaking its head it got back onto its four feet, but before Gwen or Captain Jack could take a shot it rounded and launched itself at Willow, who was thrown backward onto Gwen.

Willow barely noticed the fight going on behind her, or the shots and screams that rang through the small copse as the Queller died. She was lost in a haze of grey as she looked down into Gwen's eyes. Lying spreadeagled on top of her, her thigh having landed between Gwen's, she could feel the other woman's heat and she ceased to breathe. Time stopped as she descended, pulled down by an unknown force and their lips met.

"Aaww, that's so cute!" The Doctor commented as they all stood and dusted themselves off, referring to the show going on a few feet away.

"Isn't it just?" remarked Captain Jack, looking hopefully at the Doctor, as Martha Jones did exactly the same.

"Lesbians!" commented Owen, but his expression was unreadable, whether jealousy of lust.

"You people and your quaint little categories." Commented Captain Jack.

"And it's Christmas Eve!" Buffy stated, brushing off her leather pants and gesturing at the purple fingers of dawn on the horizon.

"We should all go out and celebrate." Suggested Martha Jones.

"Breakfast?" asked Gwen, sitting up at last, smiling sheepishly at Willow. "Waffles or pancakes?"

"How about eggs, wiggling at me like two..." Willow was on the edge of a giggle.

"Breakfast, definitely." Interrupted Buffy.

"Well, we're parked just behind you over there." Said Giles, "If you'd like to lead the way."

"I thought you were out for a walk." Commented Gwen. "And what about your tiny, tiny puppy?"

"I'll bring the Tardis and meet up with you." The Doctor suggested.

"You know, I haven't seen a police box like that since I was a boy." Giles commented, looking at it when the Doctor gestured vaguely in its direction.

"Yeah, she's a classic, isn't she?" The Doctor grinned fondly. "Hey, do I know you from somewhere, Rupert?" he asked suddenly.

"Really, I don't believe we've met." Said Giles. "And it's Giles."

"Didn't you used to work at a high school?"

"As a matter of fact, yes."

"As a headmaster?"

"No, a librarian, actually, for three years."

"Oh, nevermind."

The End


New Stories

Author & Genre

Main Index