Title: Under These Rocks and Stones

Author: Aeryn Sun

Email: willowrose_98@yahoo.com

Feedback: Yes, please

Archiving: Ask, and ye shall recieve. Just ask first.

Rating: PG for a certain expected level of angst. Come on, it wouldn't be an Aeryn fic without angst now would it?

Couple: Ah, ah, ah, that would be telling. ::: dodges flying tomatoes::::

Spoilers: Any episode is fair game, but especially the one where the girls were all locked in the Novac together. But for the sake of the story, Lily and Josh haven't gotten together. This is NOT part of the Strange Road universe.

Summary: I hate this part because I don't want to give away the story but…Lily and Sam have a chat.

Warning: If the idea of two women involved in a romantic relationship together disturbs you, run, run far far away and never look back. If it's illegal where you live, move quickly. Other than that, enter at your own risk, and enjoy.

Author's Notes: Just a fleeting thing that came to me at work. You'd think they'd start to wonder why nothing ever gets done over in Jewelry, huh?

Disclaimer: Not mine, they used to belong to Touchstone but who the heck knows now? Not making any profit otherwise I wouldn't be working in Jewelry, duh.

Confession of the Soul

Lily opened the door to the school newspaper office to check and see if the person she wanted was actually there. She was relieved and dismayed to see Sam sitting in a chair with her feet propped up on a desk attempting to balance a pencil on the end of her nose. She was apparently failing miserably. Lily heard her snort as the pencil fell again and she bent over to retrieve it.

"Working hard or hardly working, Sam?" Lily teased from the doorway. BANG! Sam slammed her head on the underside of the desk in surprise.

"Ow!" she complained while sitting up and rubbing the injured part of her skull. Lily was instantly by her side apologetic.

"I am so sorry, Sam," she said as she sat down next to Sam who scowled at her. "I didn't mean to make you jump like that." Sam's scowl turned into a good-natured smirk.

"S'OK, minor drain bamage. I think you may have shaved off a few IQ points but other than that I'll survive," she smiled fully at her petite friend. "To what do I owe the somewhat heartstopping, concussion causing but otherwise pleasantly unexpected and welcome solo visit, Lily-cat? Carm and Harrison busy so you'd figure you'd come slum with me?"

The last statement was said lightly enough and Sam was still smiling but Lily could still hear the undercurrent of hurt and confusion in Sam's voice. She could see it Sam's attentive brown eyes, which were focused intensely on her forcing her to look away in shame.

Lily'd been avoiding Sam a lot lately, barely saying `hello' or acknowledging Sam if she was in the room, or if she was, suddenly finding somewhere else to be. Which was sometimes difficult given the fact that they shared as many classes as they did. Thankfully, to Lily at least, their names were no where near one another's in the alphabet so she wasn't forced to be near Sam in that respect. So Lily spent all her time with Carmen and Harrison and no time with Sam. It wasn't that Sam had done anything lately or that Lily was mad at her. It was just that when Sam was around lately, Lily felt out of control and she didn't know what to do about it so she avoided any situation where she would be around Sam at all.

Sam had noticed Lily's odd behavior of late but had shrugged it off as a `Lily' thing at first. A particular personality quirk that the girl was prone to, like campaigning for the rights of dead biology frogs, but when it didn't go away and seemed directed solely at her, well, that hurt. She cared about Lily and wanted her as a friend but no one seemed to know what was up with her. Something about her was bothering Lily and, not wanting to add anymore stress to an all ready tense relationship, Sam had chosen to leave the bizzarely behaving girl alone and give her some space.

"I'm not `slumming', Sam. It's been a while since we've had a chance to talk so I thought if you weren't busy we could," Lily explained. Sam shrugged non-committally and went back to twirling her pencil between her fingers. Lily swore it was impossible for the girl to actually sit still for longer than two seconds, she might spontaneously combust or something. Sam was like a perpetual motion toy, once you set her in motion, she never stopped. Lily absently wondered if Sam moved even when she was sleeping. (Does she toss and turn? Twitch? Shift? ) Hordes of OTHER images involving Sam, a bed, and anything other than sleeping suddenly invaded Lily's mind and she screwed her eyes up tight trying to block them out. She was suddenly lightheaded and her stomach felt funny. She was dimly aware of someone calling her name but it sounded very far away. It took her a minute to recognize the voice as Sam's.

"Lily?" Sam's concerned voice was suddenly very clear as Lily opened her eyes and looked into Sam's worried ones. She gulped in mouthfuls of air and tried desperately to regain control of her breathing, to stop the hyperventilation caused by a lust induced panic attack. Of course, having the object of your all-encompassing, heart-stopping lust staring at you unknowingly full of concern for your well being doesn't exactly help.

"`M fine. Migraine," she lied when she could vocalize again. Sam tilted her head to the side slightly and sighed.

"Well, if that's the reaction you have to my presence lately, I can understand why you've been avoiding me like the Plague," she said wryly although the words were tinged with unspoken hurt. Lily felt a stab of pain and regret jolt through her at knowing that she had hurt Sam's feelings with her behavior.

"I haven't been avoiding you, Sam," Lily argued softly. Sam arched an eyebrow in silent challenge. "OK, so maybe I have, but not for the reasons you think."

"You don't hate me and curse my very existance?" Sam asked hopefully. Lily gasped. (Is that what she really thinks? )

"God, no, Sam. I could never hate you. I would never hate you. God, where do you come up with this stuff?" Sam shrugged.

"Low self-esteem?" she joked. "Or possibly a paranoid streak." Lily nodded.

"Apparently a little of both," Lily told her. "If I've seemed a little…off, lately it's because I've had some…issues to deal with." Sam's eyes lit up.

"Oooo, issues," she teased. "Like what? Save the one-eyed, albino, Amazonian aardvark? Or the two-toed, two-tongued Transylvanian Tree Frog?" Lily sighed. She knew Sam wasn't mocking her activism because Sam would never do that, at least to her face but it was still frustrating.

"Sam, those animals don't even exist," she started.

"All the more reason to save them," Sam retorted with a wide grin. Lily resisted the urge to kick her, reminding herself that she was by nature non-violent.

"Sam, I'm trying desperately to be serious here," Sam's smile faded and she nodded.

"Serious. Got it. Issues. Shoot." Lily sighed again. The girl could be damn annoying sometimes and thing was, Lily didn't think Sam was even aware that she was doing it. Lily rubbed her eyes. She really did feel a migraine threatening behind her eyes.

She set out with one goal this morning, win or lose, she had to tell Sam the truth. She couldn't go on like this; it was slowly killing her. She was tied up in knots and she just knew she was giving herself an ulcer. Sam had a right to know the real reasons behind the way she'd been acting lately and it wasn't going to be easy. Chances were that she was going to lose Sam's friendship in the process but she really couldn't call what they had right now friendship either. A friendship is based in trust and honesty and she had given neither to Sam.

Lily was positive of a couple things in her life: wearing fur was evil, Mary Cherry was insane (and possibly stalking her), and she loved Sam. Not `friend' love, the `I'll let you cheat off of my math paper' love. No, this was the `I love you so much it chokes off my air' and `I really should be arrested for last night's dream' sort of love.

To say that she was shocked to find herself thinking that way about Sam would be a major understatement but Lily had been aware that her sexual compass had been pointing towards the `ladies' section for a while now. It was one of the reasons she hadn't slept with Harrison. And one of the reasons she'd kissed Carmen. (There's a good place to start)

"Sam, you remember the night that we were all locked in the Novac and forced, thanks to Nicole to reveal our deepest, darkest secrets?" Sam gave her a disgusted look.

"Yeah, very educational night. We learned that Brooke slept with Josh again, Nicole slpet with Josh, Josh is a ho, Carmen kissed Josh, you kissed Carmen and Mary Cherry is actually an endangered waterfowl. So?" Lily smirked over how Sam had convienently glossed over her own secret but continued anyway.

"Well, endangered wildlife aside, Sam, a lot more went on in that room than I think you realize," now Sam looked confused.

"What?" she asked. Lily pulled her legs up into the chair beneath her as she started speaking.

"Well, yes, I kissed Carmen and admitted that I questioned my sexuality," Liyl started. Sam waved her off.

"Don't worry about it, Lil, everybody does," Sam assured her patiently. "You can't let it keep bothering you."

"That's just it, Sam, it doesn't bother me anymore. And I don't question it anymore," Lily insisted quietly.

"Oh, OK," Sam said obviously not getting the point. Lily let out a heavy sigh. (For someone so smart, she has absolutely no grasp on the obvious)

"I don't think you're following me, Sam. I don't question it anymore because I know. I know that I'm gay." SWISH! Sam's pencil flew, dart-like, across the room until it hit the corkboard on the wall. Ironically, it imbedded itself in a picture of the cheerleading squad, right in the middle of Nicole's forehead. Sam and Lily tracked its progress and then looked back at each other.

"Couldn't have done that if I tried," Sam said with a smirk. Lily just blinked at her. "What? If you were expecting a big freak out, that," she pointed to the pencil, "was about it. Sorry to disappoint."

"So you're not at all freaked out?" Lily asked, her voice small. Sam smiled.

"Well, you look like Lily Esposito, sound like Lily Esposito, so, you must be her. So you're gay, big friggin' deal," Sam said firmly. Lily put her head in her hands and burst into tears. Sam frowned.

"OK, those don't look at all like tears of relief, Lil. I thought I gave the right answer. I said that I don't care that you're gay and I meant it."

"You don't understand," Lily sobbed. Sam scooted her chair closer, which made Lily pull away a little. Sam frowned again. She was so confused her head was beginning to hurt.

"Then explain it to me, Lily," she coaxed soothingly. "What don't I understand?" Lily raised her tear-streaked face to look into Sam's caring, if somewhat confused one.

"When I kissed Carmen it did nothing for me because while I love her, it's only as a friend. But I am in love with someone but I'm afraid that if I tell that someone I'll lose them forever as a friend," she explained through her tears. Sam nodded in understanding.

"Oh, OK, I get it. But, Lily, still, you can't keep this bottled up like this. It's unhealthy. And even if this person doesn't return your feelings at least things between you will be honest," Sam pointed out softly. Lily considered this carefully.

"I'm in love with you, Sam. Deeply," she confessed just above a whisper. She chanced a glance at Sam and was shocked to see her sitting absolutely still. No movement whatsoever, staring straight ahead unblinking and it scared Lily. She wasn't even sure Sam was breathing anymore. Lily brought her hand up to her mouth as she felt the bile rise to the back of her throat and churn in her stomach.

"Oh God, you're majorly freaked out and now you hate me. I'm sorry, Sam but I had to tell you. That's why I haven't been around lately. I was afraid I'd just blurt it out in front of everyone and…and…" she trailed off not knowing what else to say. She shifted in her seat uncomfortably not knowing whether she should leave or not. She decided to stay and see what Sam had to say, if Sam ever came out of her state of shock, that is.

After a horrendously long time, in Lily's opinion, Sam's eyes finally refocused from whereever they had been and pinned Lily with a look she had never seen before. Understanding mixed with relief, mixed with regret and something else Lily couldn't put her finger on just then.

"I don't hate you, Lily," Sam whispered. Lily felt her heart start to beat again and her lungs reinflate. "I was just really surprised. And flattered, actually. And relieved that you didn't hate me." Lily's eyes lit up for a second but then faded.

"But you don't feel the same," she said as a statement and not a question. Sam shook her head sadly.

"I'm sorry, Lily, really I am. But my heart is spoken for. Wholey and completely whether I like it or not," Sam said with a sigh.

"George," Lily said flatly with a hint of contempt in her voice. Sam let out a laugh that was more like a bark.

"Yeah, right," she scoffed sarcastically. "That's why I spend my Friday's at home nursing hot chocolate and watching bad TV movies and he's out dating his way through the junior class. We broke up a while ago, Lily. I think you might have missed that while you were `away'." Lily frowned. Sure she's been living in her own private Sam obsessed bubble but surely Harrison or Carmen would have told her if Sam were seeing someone else.

"If not George, than who?" Sam gave her a pained look.

"Not to rub it in, but same as you, someone and something I can never have," Sam said as a few tears fell down her face. Suddenly it smacked Lily between the eyes like a sledgehammer.

"Brooke," she whispered in awe. "You're in love with Brooke." The way Sam's eyes widened in shock and she froze in place again was all the confirmation Lily needed.

"I don't believe it, you're gay," Lily breathed. Sam glared at her.

"Oh, sure fine. You decide to `out' yourself in the school newspaper office and then decide to take me with you. Gee, thanks," she snarled.

"I'm sorry, Sam, just shocked is all," Lily apologized. "You're in love with Brooke," she repeated. Sam rolled her eyes.

"That's not something you keep throwing in someone's face, Lily," Sam snapped.

"I'm sorry, really, I'll shut up now," Lily offered. "Shock, honest. I was shocked." Sam sighed and relaxed a little.

"I know, so was I," she admitted. They stared at each other in compatible silence for a few long minutes.

"But you can never have her, huh?" Lily asked quietly. A few more tears slid down Sam's face as she shook her head.

"Unless you know something I don't, no," she tried to joke but it fell flat. "Brooke's waiting for Mr. Right, not Ms. Maybe who also happens to almost be her stepsister." Lily leaned in closer.

"Then what about us?" she asked hopefully. Sam sighed again and looked at her intently.

"I care about you too much to let you play second fiddle to my feelings for Brooke McQueen," she started gently.

"But I don't care about that," Lily broke in hoping she didn't sound too desperately longing. Sam gave her a half-smile and reached out to cup Lily's face in her hand. Lily leaned into the warm embrace.

"But I do," Sam whispered softly. "It wouldn't be fair, to any of us but especially to you. I can't play with your feelings like that, Lily. I won't. I don't love you that way," she brushed away Lily's tears that fell near her hand as she spoke. "I love Brooke," she finished. Lily continued silently crying, knowing Sam was right but it didn't make it hurt any less.

"Can we…can we still be friends?" Lily asked fearfully after her tears faded some. Sam smiled.

"I'd really like that. I've missed you Lily-cat. But I'll understand if being around me hurts too much given how you feel." Lily shook her head.

"I'd rather be your friend than nothing at all, Sam," Lily said. Sam's smile widened.

"Then friends it is. But, Lil, nothing we've said leaves this room," she pointed out. Lily nodded.

"Of course, Sam. I would never," she agreed.

"I know you wouldn't," Sam interrupted her. Lily checked her watch and winced.

"Crap, I'm gonna be late for work," she sighed. Sam smirked.

"No rest for the wicked, eh?" Lily stood up and shook her head.

"Nope. You'd better get back to what you were working on when I got here. What was it anyway? An article on the effects of gravity on a granite pencil vs. a cute perky upturned nose?" Sam's eyes widened.

"I see that I can expect a fair amount of flirting?" she teased. Lily blushed and covered her mouth with one hand when she realized what she had said.

"I am so sorry," she mumbled through her hand, absolutely mortified. Sam burst out laughing.

"It's OK, Lily, honest. Besides, it was kind of cute. Just be careful if others are around," Sam giggled. Lily smiled and gave Sam a chaste kiss on the cheek.

"Thanks for being so understanding, Sam," she said quietly. Sam shrugged.

"That's what friends are supposed to do, Lily. Be there for one another no matter what. And I'm here for you. I hope you know that now." Lily nodded.

"I do. Thanks again. Talk to you later," she said as she opened the door.

"Later Lily," Sam called as she went to retrieve her pencil from photo-Nicole's forehead. (Well, it's certainly been an interesting afternoon)

Unknown to both conversationalists, Brooke had arrived at the room shortly after Lily to see if Sam had wanted a ride home and then left just before Lily exited and had overheard every word uttered by the two. She stood around the corner of the newspaper office in stunned shock.

(Lily is in love with Sam but Sam is in love with me? How the Hell did that happen and what the Hell do I do now? ) She wondered. Just then Lily rounded the corner and almost bumped into her.

"Oh, hey Brooke," Lily greeted her. Brooke noticed that the look in Lily's eyes was slightly jealous but no less friendly.

"Uh, hi Lily. Have you seen Sam? I wanted to know if she needed a ride home," Brooke managed to cover her surprise at overhearing their very private conversation. An unreadable look, that if Brooke had to name she'd call longing or regret, passed over Lily's face but it disappeared too quickly for Brooke to be sure.

"She's in the `paper office. She probably needs a ride too. I gotta get to work so I'll talk to you later," Lily dashed off leaving Brooke in her wake. Brooke watched her go for a few seconds before walking slowly to the door to the newspaper office. She really wasn't sure she wanted to face Sam right now, knowing what she knew. The decision was taken away from her when the door flew open and Sam walked out, knocking her over.

"Whoa, Brooke, ya might wanna learn to knock first," Sam quipped as she offered her hand to the fallen girl. "You OK?" Brooke nodded as she brushed herself off.

"Hurricane Sam," she laughed nervously. (Why am I nervous?) Sam smiled brightly.

"That about sums me up," she agreed. "What can I do for you?"

"Need a ride home?" Brooke offered. Sam eyed her suspiciously for a second but then shrugged.

"Yeah, sure, why not," she said as they walked towards the school exit. As they walked together in silence, Brooke mulled over exactly what she was going to do with the knowledge she gained that afternoon.

Mirror Dream

Author's Notes: You asked for more, so here's some more. You should be careful what you wish for, y'know.and we didn't end up in DisneyLand...bummer.

Brooke stared dumbly at the blank sheet of paper in front of her. Some dim part of her brain kept telling her that she really should be trying to write her history paper. But the larger part of her brain, the part presently in control, kept replaying the conversation that she'd overheard between Sam and Lily. Or at least one part in particular.

((("Not to rub it in, but same as you, someone and something I can never have," Sam said almost as a sob to Brooke's ears from the doorway.

"Brooke," Lily whispered in awe. "You're in love with Brooke." There was a long pause and Brooke had wished she could have seen Sam's face to know for sure her reaction.

"I don't believe it, you're gay," Lily breathed. Brooke hitched in a breath as well at the revelation.

"Oh, sure fine. You decide to `out' yourself in the school newspaper office and then decide to take me with you. Gee, thanks," Sam snarled, sounding to Brooke both offended and relieved.

"I'm sorry, Sam, just shocked is all," Lily apologized. "You're in love with Brooke," she repeated.

"That's not something you keep throwing in someone's face, Lily," Sam snapped this time sounding hurt and forlorn.

"I'm sorry, really, I'll shut up now," Lily offered sympathetically. "Shock, honest. I was shocked." Sam sighed deeply.

"I know, so was I," she admitted sadly. There was another long pause and again Brooke wished she could have seen the faces of both girls and known what was going on in both their minds.

"But you can never have her, huh?" Lily asked quietly.

"Unless you know something I don't, no," Sam tried to joke but it fell flat and Brooke could hear the tears in her voice. "Brooke's waiting for Mr. Right, not Ms. Maybe who also happens to almost be her stepsister.")))

Sam loved her, as in was IN love WITH her and she had absolutely no idea what to do. She was shocked, dismayed, mildly disturbed, oddly flattered, and something else. Something else that she didn't dare try and put a name on just now. As it was, she was too busy trying to calm the seemingly permanent case of the butterflies she seemed to have contracted.

(So what do I do?) she fretted. (Do I confront Sam about it? Then what? Embarrass the Hell out of us both and listen to her yell at me over respecting other people's privacy?) That definitely didn't sound like fun.

(I could tell Nic.) that thought was crushed before it fully formed. Brooke was well aware of what Nicole would do to both Sam and Lily if she found out about this. Complete and utter destruction would be a sunny day picnic compared to what Nic could dish out once she sunk her pearly whites into this juicy info. And as rattled as Brooke was over this, she genuinely liked both girls and was not about to hand over the keys to the ammunition locker needed to ultimately destroy both girls to Nicole Julian.

Her stomach fluttered again and she found herself caught between the urge to vomit or giggle. Very strange sensation that. She eventually went with the giggle though. The irony and absurdity of the situation struck her. It was a very attractive if somewhat lopsided love triangle.

(Lily loves Sam, Sam loves me and I love.I love.who the Hell do I love?) she wondered. Not Josh, that was so over it was pathetic. Not Harrison, sure he was sweet and nice and all but there was no spark, no fire. Truthfully, no one really did it for her lately. There was no one that she spent a lot of time thinking about or spending time with except maybe.

She was broken from her musings by a soft rap on her door followed by it opening and Sam walking in.

"Brooke, have you seen my Bio text?" she asked calmly as she strode into the room. Brooke let out a cry of surprise and threw herself against the headboard of her bed where she'd been sitting. Sam cocked her head to the side and arched an eyebrow.

"OOOOOKKKKKK, next time, I'd go for the sugar-free and decaffinated," she recommended with a smirk as Brooke stared at her.

(How can she act so calm if what I heard is true?) Brooke wondered. Sam looked at her plainly, like she always did. But as Brooke looked closer, she could see something else in Sam's eyes. It was very well hidden but if you knew what you were looking for you might be able to see it. It was an extra spark, a flare directed solely at Brooke. And it lit Sam up from within to the point that she almost seemed to glow. Brooke felt her heart begin to speed up.

(How did I miss it all this time?) she asked herself as she continued to stare into Sam's brown eyes as Sam waited for her to answer. (Because you weren't looking) she reasoned. Somewhere in her mind she figured it really wasn't good to be having conversations with herself like that.

"So, have you seen it? I left it on the kitchen table and figured maybe you picked it up by mistake," Sam explained from a few feet away, breaking Brooke from her inner dialogue for which she was thankful.

(Damn, the girl deserves an Oscar) Brooke decided. Sam was acting so cool, so natural that Brooke would have never have known that she had deep feelings for her if she hadn't had overheard that conversation. (And I really need to start speaking outloud) Brooke picked through the books stacked on her bed and found Sam's text.

"Here, sorry," she apologized. Sam shrugged and walked over.

"No problem, simple mistake," she reached out to grab the book and their hands touched. A jolt of pure energy ran from Sam's fingertips into Brooke's, up Brooke's arm, across her chest momentarily cutting off her air, and pooled in her abdomen in a fuzzy ache. It wasn't at all an unpleasant feeling. If Sam had experienced the same thing or noticed Brooke's reaction, she didn't let on.

"Whatcha working on?" Sam asked as she sat on the edge of the bed, a discrete distance away, Brooke noticed. Brooke wrinkled her nose.

"History paper," she answered in distaste. Sam looked at the blank paper.

"Looks like you're getting a lot of work done too," she said sarcastically. Brooke raspberried her.

"I got a lot on my mind is all," she retorted. Sam laughed.

"Hmmm, should I wear the new Versace or the Donna Karen on my next date?" she said in a mock Brooke voice. Brooke glared at her.

"Can you go more than two seconds without attacking my character or not?" Brooke snapped. Sam looked away, ashamed.

"Sorry," she apologized. "Old habits die hard." She looked back up, a half smile on her face. "Or you can't teach an old dog new tricks." Brooke sighed.

"Sam, we're both learning our new `tricks' as you so eloquently put it, just fine. And I've got to learn to stop being so damn sensitive, you were only kidding," she said with a shake of her head. She hadn't meant to snap but the whole `Sam is in love with me' thing had her tied up in knots with no idea which end was up anymore. Sam nodded and stood up.

"I'll let you get back to work. I gotta do my Bio homework and finish an article for the paper anyway. Later," Sam said as she exited the room. Brooke watched her go.

"Later," she called to Sam's back. After Sam was gone, Brooke flopped back down on her bed and pulled the pillow over her head. (Now what do I do?)

Brooke was in the bathroom brushing her teeth when Sam walked in, an intense look on her face. She stopped behind Brooke and glared at her though the mirror. The glare could have melted steel, in Brooke's opinion. She hadn't seen Sam that mad in a long time. Brooke looked back in confusion. She hadn't spoken to or seen Sam since giving her back her Bio book the night before, what could have set her off? She set down her toothbrush and shrugged.

"What's wrong with you? Wake up on the wrong side of the bed, McPherson?" she asked. Sam stepped a few feet closer until she was right up against Brooke's back.

"I know," Sam growled. Brooke continued to look at Sam through the mirror trying to figure out what was going on.

"You know what?" she asked, starting to get a little afraid. Sam put her hands on Brooke's shoulders and held her in place as she leaned in closer.

"I know that you heard me and Lily talking," she whispered softer this time in Brooke's ear. Brooke shivered and her heart began to race. "I know you know." Brooke looked at the mirror Sam and saw the anger was gone, replaced by something else. Something else that frightened Brooke because she wasn't sure that she was ready for it just yet. She tried to pull away from Sam but the grip was too tight.

"Let me go, Sam," she asked, hoping not to sound like she was begging. Sam instantly let go. Brooke put her hands on the sink in front of her to steady herself. She was shaking and didn't understand why.

"You heard us, didn't you?" Sam asked in her normal voice looking at Brooke with a serene if pleading look on her face. Brooke nodded reluctantly, vocal chords nonresponsive at that moment. Sam sighed.

"Now what?" Brooke asked when she could speak. She watched Sam shrug in the mirror.

"I dunno, this, I guess," Sam said as she grabbed Brooke again and spun her around. Brooke was powerless to stop her as Sam buried one hand in the blonde's hair and brought their lips together for a burning kiss. Nothing in any of Brooke's previous experience could have prepared her for this kiss. It was full of hunger, love, desire and need and yet was the most gentle thing she'd ever experienced. She moaned as Sam deepened the kiss and she wrapped her arms around Sam's shorter frame. She began to lose herself in the feeling until a small part of her brain decided to kick back in and she roughly pushed Sam away a few minutes later.

"Sam," she panted breathlessly. She looked at Sam who was staring at her confused. "I can't. I mean we can't.I mean I don't know.oh Hell, I don't know what I mean," she finally managed with a sigh. She ran a hand through her jumbled hair. Sam took a step forward and Brooke took a step back.

"Sam we can't," she warned. Sam frowned.

"Why not?" she asked simply. "You seemed to be enjoying it a moment ago." Brooke nodded. (OK, she's got me there. Damn she's a good kisser.now, what was my reasoning again?)

"Because I don't know what I want," she answered honestly. Sam looked hurt and Brooke felt a stab of pain at putting that look there. The look passed quickly and Sam shrugged.

"That's OK. You decide what you want and until then, I've got Lily," she said nonchalantly as she walked back out the door to her room. Brooke went after her but the door shut in her face.

"OK, now I'm confused," Brooke said outloud. "What the Hell just happened and what did she mean by that?"

"Subconscious desires are making themselves known, that's what," another voice told her. Brooke spun around to see her mirror image speaking to her and not looking too terribly happy, either. Brooke sighed.

"I'm dreaming, aren't I?" Mirror Brooke clapped sarcastically.

"Look, beauty AND brains, gee, we're a complete package, whoopie," Mirror Brooke quipped. Brooke had decided already she didn't like this part of herself. "Yeah, I don't like you either, Toots."

"OK, fine," Brooke sighed to herself, literally. "Just tell me what's going on so that I can either go back to dreaming something pleasant or wake up." Mirror Brooke nodded.

"Fine, don't gotta be a Snotski about it, brat," Mirror Brooke complained. "Look, it's like this. You just had a shock to your system. Ya just found out that your once mortal enemy and now soon-to-be-stepsister, Sam, is deeply in love with you. Now normally that would play havok with anyone's sense of cosmic balance but since you've been playing the denial game since the age of thirteen then."

"What the Hell are you talking about?" Brooke snapped. Mirror Brooke sighed. The conscious mind could be such a pain in the ass sometimes.

"Denial is NOT a river in Egypt, babe," Mirror Brooke explained none too patiently. "You've had your groove on for Sam McPherson since before you knew what the groove was for." Brooke gaped at her mirror image in shock and horror.

"I have NOT!" she yelled. Mirror Brooke rolled her eyes.

"Babe, subconscious here, ain't no lying to me. I know all your truths. All the real ones, the ones you don't either know about or want to acknowledge and you have had it bad for Sam since you were little. But you didn't understand it so you pushed it down here. And then as you got older, you had a part to play and the feelings didn't fit so you repressed them further. Guess what? Hearing Sam's little confession has poked a little hole in the dam, babe, and unless you got a LOT of super glue, there's no going back now. It's growing and more little holes are springing up everywhere. Your dyke has sprung a leak." Mirror Brooke laughed at her own very bad joke. Brooke glared at the mirror.

"I don't believe you," she hissed. Mirror Brooke shrugged.

"Doesn't matter what you believe or not, sugar. You dreamed that little bathroom escapade, not me. You want Sam to know that you know so that the pressure is off of you to tell her."

"I can't do this," Brooke ranted as she started to pace. Mirror Brooke watched and sighed.

"Oh, whatever. Look, you have two choices: You can keep doing this, denying yourself what you want until you lose her," Brooke snapped her head up to look at her mirror image. "Because that will eventually happen. Sam may love you but eventually she'll see that she can never have you because you won't let her. She can't live her entire life alone, Brooke. That's not fair. And it's not fair for you to expect her to wait until you iron out whatever issues it is that you have. So she'll probably turn to the one person who she knows will return her love."

"Lily," Brooke breathed. For some reason, that hurt. Mirror Brooke nodded.

"Exactly. Lily already told Sam that she loves her and doesn't care about playing second fiddle to you. She just wants Sam."

"And my second choice?" Brooke asked. Mirror Brooke smiled.

"Walk through that door and tell Sam that you know. And that you love her too." Brooke shook her head.

"It's not that easy," she lamented.

"Why? Because of your `popularity'? Your `social status'?" Brooke nodded. "God, screw it, Brooke, isn't your happiness more important?" Mirror Brooke asked angrily. Brooke shrugged.

"I don't know," she answered honestly. Mirror Brooke shook her head.

"You've got bigger problems than I thought. I do have one piece of good news though," Brooke picked her head back up. Mirror Brooke smiled devilishly. "This IS a dream, and she's waiting for you on the other side of that door." The door to Sam's room slowly opened and hesitantly at first, Brooke started over to it. Mirror Brooke sighed.

"It's only a dream, Brooke. No harm in indulging in a little fantasy," she reassured her more restrained self. Brooke smiled at her mirror image and walked over to the door and went through, closing it behind her. Mirror Brooke sighed again.

"That girl is seriously screwed up."

Brooke's alarm woke her later and she rolled over and slapped it off. (That was definitely a STRANGE night. Did I eat something that didn't agree with me?) she wondered. As she got out of bed and padded over to the bathroom she reran the night's events.

(OK, I dreamed that I kissed Sam and enjoyed it, strange factor #1. Had an indepth discussion with my subconscious whom I really don't like, strange factor #2, had wild passionate sex with Dream Sam, ahem, repeatedly, strange factor #3, and oddly enough, the only thing that really bothers me is the fact that my alarm went off WAY too early this morning. I've got issues, BIG issues. What do I do now?)

"Morning, Brooke, sleep well?" Sam asked from the sink, making Brooke jump in surprise. She blinked at Sam a few times trying to chase the images from her dreams away and actually focus on the person standing in front of her with a rather peculiar smirk on her face.

"Uh, yeah, I guess so," Brooke stuttered in response. Sam smirk grew into a grin.

"Yeah, it sounded it," Sam giggled. Brooke's eyes grew wide and she stared at Sam. "Oh, relax, you didn't scream in bliss or anything. I got up for a glass of water and well, your door was open and I heard some noises," Sam blushed a deep red crimson and so did Brooke. They both desperately wished Sam's mouth would shut, but it didn't. "I went directly back to bed, you know, I didn't listen. I'm not sick. And it's not like it doesn't happen to everyone else." Brooke saw her opening to embarrass Sam like she was embarrassed.

"Oh, really? Do you? Have sex dreams, I mean?" she asked trying to take the spotlight off her own discomfort. But Sam saw her way out.

"Admitting you were having a sex-dream?" she shot back playfully. Brooke groaned when she realized she caught herself in her own line of questioning. Sam took pity and let Brooke off the hook.

"Forget I said anything, Brooke," she said, handing Brooke the toothpaste. "Seriously, did you get your history paper written?" Brooke shook her head.

"Half," she grumbled. "I'll finish it in study hall, I hope. How about you?" Sam nodded.

"Got my stuff done," she said as she fixed her hair. Brooke frowned and looked at the wall-clock.

"You know, you're up awful early," she pointed out. Sam smiled.

"I'm meeting Lily for breakfast," Sam told her. The warning that she could lose Sam to Lily if she waited too long echoed in Brooke's head.

"Do you think she'd mind an extra this morning?" she asked hopefully. Sam looked surprised but shook her head.

"I don't think she'd mind. I think Carmen might be there too, I'm not sure. Can you be ready in like ten?" Brooke nodded. "Yeah, believe it when I see it." Brooke stuck out her tongue.

"Shoo, then and let me shower, Sam," she all but bodily removed Sam from the bathroom, the temptation of asking her to join her almost overwhelming.

"All right, all right, I'm going, I'm going. Gosh, pushy pushy," Sam grumbled with a laugh as Brooke shut the door behnd her. Brooke didn't know what possessed her to ask to go with Sam and Lily to breakfast but she had to and she didn't know what she was going to do about these feelings for Sam that were beginning to make themselves known. She walked over to the sink and stared intently at her reflection.

"Well, Smarty-Pants, any suggestions?"

Party of Three (at a Table for Two)

Author's Notes: You asked for more, so here's some more. You should be careful what you wish for, y'know…And the title is paraphrased from a Trick Pony song called Party of One at a Table for Two. Good Cd, country music but you should check it out.

Note: Where oh where has my little muse gone, oh where oh where can she be? With her hair cut short and it dyed really blonde, oh where oh where can she be?

"Morning Sam," Lily said happily in greeting. Then her eyes settled on the tall lanky blonde trailing a few steps behind Sam and one eyebrow twitched slightly. "Good morning, Brooke," she greeted a little less happily but still friendly. Brooke noticed the change in voice inflection and inwardly grimiced. (This is going to be awkward) she reminded herself.

Since `inviting' herself to breakfast, Brooke had been trying to figure out exactly why she had done so and what it was she wanted. Her subconscious mind had told her she wanted Sam and if last night's dreams were any indication, she wanted Sam BAD but she still didn't know what to make of it. Denial was such a funny thing.

("You've had your groove on for Sam McPherson since before you knew what the groove was for.") her subconscious had told her. She had vehemently denied it. But then, she had still walked right through that open doorway in her dream into Sam's room and made love to the girl. That, coupled with the conversation she had accidently overheard between Sam and Lily:

((("Brooke," Lily whispered in awe. "You're in love with Brooke."

"That's not something you keep throwing in someone's face, Lily," Sam snapped.

"But you can never have her, huh?" Lily asked quietly.

"Unless you know something I don't, no," she tried to joke but it fell flat. "Brooke's waiting for Mr. Right, not Ms. Maybe who also happens to almost be her stepsister.")))

It was all serving to severely confuse and befuddle Brooke, and she hated being confused or befuddled. And she realized her life had just taken on a whole new set of complications. She wasn't sure she was ready to handle it just yet.

"Hey, Lily," Sam said as she slid into her seat in the restaurant.

"Hi, Lily, I hope you don't mind me tagging along with Sam this morning," Brooke said as she too sat down. Lily shook her head.

"Nah, besides, Carmen would have been here but she's still in bed," she explained. Sam smiled.

"Up late doing homework?" she asked as she played with the salt shaker. Both Lily and Brooke found it cute the way she fidgeted. Only one of them figured the other thought so too, of course.

"So she said when I called. I think she stayed up watching the Danielle Steel movie marathon on Lifetime, myself," Lily laughed. Brooke and Sam giggled as the waitress brought over menus.

"Hmm, what form shall my food poisoning take today?" Sam wondered outloud as she looked through the menu. She peeked over the menu at Lily. "And please, Lil, no lectures on how eating bacon is evil or anything today. I didn't sleep well and I'm not up to it." Lily gave a small glare over her menu and then went back to reading it and Brooke frowned. She looked at Sam.

"Sam?" Sam turned to look at her, a confused look on her face.

"What?" After a second, Sam realized what Brooke was thinking. She blushed and lowered her voice. "That's not why I didn't sleep," she whispered quietly, embarrassed. Brooke sighed in relief. The thought that her rather vivid dreams had kept Sam awake was frightening to say the least.

"Then why not?" Brooke asked genuinely concerned. Sam gave her a half smirk.

"Got a lot on my mind. Don't worry about it. I don't anymore," she answered rather cryptically. Brooke wondered what she meant although a small part of her thought it knew.

"Ready to order?" the waitress asked. After placing their orders there was an odd anxiety level at the table. Brooke figured it came from the fact that Lily was sitting at the table with the woman she loved, i.e. Sam who was sitting at the table with the woman she loved, i.e. Brooke who was sitting with the woman she at least fantasied about, i.e. Sam. (Yeah, that might account for some tension) Brooke mused.

"So, Brooke, how've you been?" Lily asked trying to jumpstart the conversation. It seemed like a good place to start seeing as how she didn't talk to Brooke as much as Sam did. Brooke shrugged.

"OK, I guess. You know, same old, same old. Trying to keep Nicole from burying the knife too deeply in my back," she responded with a wry grin. Both Lily and Sam stared at her in shock. The grin grew wider. "What? You think I don't know what she does behind my back? Please. Natural blonde is not synonymous with brain dead," she pointed out. Sam stared to laugh.

"Guess not," she snorted. Lily giggled. "Guess Satan isn't getting away with as much as she thinks?" Brooke shook her head.

"Hell no! I'm just letting her think she is until she gets comfortable and then I'll pull the rug out from underneath her. I haven't spent all this time around her and learned nothing, you know." They laughed a little at this and then Lily asked another question before she could stop herself.

"So, Brooke, any new hotties on your radar?" Sam shot Lily a look that was at once hurt and menacing. Lily sunk a little in her chair and wished for all the world to take the question back. Brooke jumped a little at the personal question and heard the small almost inaudible and wounded gasp that came from Sam's side of the table. She also noticed how Lily seemed to shrink several inches in her seat, which was amazing since she wasn't very tall to begin with. (Sam must have really glared at her) Brooke figured.

"Well, a few guys have asked me out," she admitted. She heard another pained and ill-hidden sigh from Sam and it made her chest hurt. She shoved the reason why it hurt to the back of her mind and continued. "But I turned them down. I'm not ready to play another round of the `Dating Game' just yet."

"Well, I'm sure the guys will be sorry to hear that," Lily added trying desperately to ignore both the look she was getting from Sam and the fact that her mouth seemed to have a mind of its own. (Open mouth, insert foot, Lily. Are you trying to hurt Sam?) Lily asked herself confused as to why she started asking the questions to begin with. She knew that they must be hurting Sam, rubbing her nose in the fact the Brooke was straight and Sam could never have her but maybe if she could make Sam see that…

"Whatever, I think they'll survive," Brooke laughed. "I think I'll just wait until the right person comes along instead of leaping into a relationship just for the sake of having one," she explained.

"I'm sure the right guy will come along," Lily assured her. (SHUT UP) Lily shouted at herself when she saw the hurt and offended look on Sam's face.

"Trust me, I can wait," Brooke laughed nervously, catching the increasingly anxious vibe from Sam's end of the table. (Please change the subject, Lily, before poor Sam explodes or something) Brooke begged silently. Sam pushed her chair away from the table awkwardly.

"I gotta hit the ladies room, be back in a sec," she said as she headed away. Lily and Brooke watched her leave. Brooke sighed at the whole exchange and then decided to play Lily for some info.

"Lily, something's up with Sam lately and I know she's more apt to talk to you than me so, do you know what's up with her?" she felt slightly guilty at playing Lily like this but she couldn't help herself. It was the same impulse that invited her to breakfast. Lily looked momentarily panicstricken.

"Uh, no," she stuttered. "We haven't been talking much." Brooke frowned.

"Yeah, I noticed that you two had grown apart lately. I guess this breakfast means you've fixed whatever it was between you?" Brooke felt a little bad that she asked that since she already knew that they had but she had to keep up appearances. Lily nodded.

"Yup, we straightened it out," (Ironic chioce of words) they both thought. "We're cool again."

"Great. But you don't know what's bothering her lately?" Brooke asked again. Lily shook her head although she really did. But she didn't feel it was her place to say. (Ah, gee Brooke, yeah, Sam's deeply, madly in love with you. Ha! Brooke'd probably faint. Plus I want a camera handly if she ever finds out) Lily snickered morosely to herself.

"Afraid not," she lied. "You know Sam, she doesn't let anyone get too close." (Oh, I can't believe I'm about to say this. When did I contract Harrison's martyr syndrome?) "Why don't you talk to her, Brooke? Maybe she'll talk to you," Lily felt her heart break as she spoke. While she doubted Sam would actually tell Brooke the truth that she was in love with the blonde, there was always the chance. And Lily knew that until Sam knew for sure where she stood with Brooke, she would never stand a chance at winning a place in Sam's heart.

"I suppose I could try," Brooke agreed but she had not real intention of doing so until she figured out exactly what was going on in her own head. "Maybe I will later. I wonder what's taking her so long in the bathroom?"

Sam was desperately trying to stop from shaking. It was just that Lily's out of character and insensitive line of questioning had left every nerve ending raw and aching. (Rub some more salt into the wounds, Jesus, Lily) she thought angrily. (I already know what I CAN'T have, why did you have to rub my nose in it?) She stared at her reflection staring back at her and wished to give anything to have been part of what Brooke was dreaming about last night.

(Yeah, give it up, McPherson) she scoffed. (Like you'd ever get the chance to touch her like that, make her moan like she did last night) She ran some cold water and splashed her face and decided to end that line of thought before she worked herself up any further. (God this is so screwed up. I'm at breakfast with the woman I love, Brooke. Who doesn't know I exist other than maybe as a friend and stepsister. And at the other end of the table is Lily who's admitted to being in love with me. I feel like I'm on a bad gay soap opera and someone stole my script. God, what can go wrong next? Forget I asked or else RuPaul will come marching in in a hula skirt singing `I Will Survive')

She wondered, again, what possessed Brooke to want to come to breakfast but pushed the reasons away, chalking it up to the cheerleader wanting some friends that were unlikely to stab her in the back the first chance they got. Sometimes she wondered why Brooke stuck with Nicole and Mary Cherry as long as she did given the way they treated her. Was she a glutton for punishment? But then she realized that 1) Brooke was loyal almost to a fault and 2) Brooke didn't know any other part to play than `Brooke McQueen popularity queen'. And with that title came people like Nic and Mary Cherry. It was kind of sad actually, in a pathetic sort of way.

"Did ya fall in?" Brooke's voice caused her to jump at the sink and spin around. She smiled in embarrassment.

"Nope, on my way out now," Sam answered as she headed for the door.

"Good, because food's up."

Breakfast was eaten mostly in silence with each girl caught up in her own thoughts.

(I'm never going to have a chance if Brooke ever realizes what she could have. I wonder if Brooke is gay? Nah. I mean, what are the chances?) Lily

(Can my life get anymore complicated? Oh, God, forget I asked! Why do I keep asking stupid questions today?) Sam

(Am I gay? Can I be gay? Do I want to be gay? Do I get a choice? What would that do to my life? But according to my subconscious, I always have been and have had a thing for Sam. Now what do I do?) Brooke

Lily watched as Sam glanced at Brooke every few minutes and tried to ignore the jealous pang in the middle of her gut at the small gesture. She was pretty sure Sam wasn't even aware she was doing it. She saw the way Sam's eyes lit up everytime she even glanced at Brooke and if the blonde spoke to her the brunette would almost glow. (And I missed all this before how?) she wondered. But now, because she was aware of Sam's feelings for Brooke, Lily could see it plainly written on Sam's face. And in her eyes.

Sam, for all her emotional walls and barriers, was still an expressive being and it all came across in her eyes. They sparkled whenever she looked at Brooke and it used to be that Lily assumed that that fire was due to the animosity between the two girls. (You know what you do when you `assume', Lily) she told herself bitterly. Now it was plain to see that that wasn't the case anymore, at least on Sam's part. Sam had fallen for the head cheerleader and fallen hard. We're talking watermelon from the top of the Sears tower onto the sidewalk hard and Lily felt her chest constrict and throat tighten at the realization that her chances with Sam were slim to none while Sam's heart was focused on Brooke.

Lily tore her attention away from the brunette that had stolen her heart and focused on the blonde at the table. She nearly choked on her toast at what she saw. Behind Brooke's hazel eyes was a flicker of something new, something that Lily didn't want to acknowledge but couldn't deny. And it was aimed at Sam. She felt her stomach fall to her feet and she wasn't hungry anymore. That flicker in Brooke's eyes told Lily that there was something going on in Brooke's mind whether the cheerleader was aware of it or not and if she DID become aware of it, Lily would lose any and all chances with Sam. She sighed heavily almost in utter despair, which brought her the attention of both her breakfast companions.

"You OK, Lil?" Sam asked. Lily nodded and tried valiantly not to cry.

"I'm fine," she lied. She looked into the concerned eyes of her companions. "Really."

"Are you sure because you look upset," Brooke said sympathetically. Lily glared at her suddenly which confused her. While it wasn't a mean glare, it was full of hurt and jealousy. Sam noticed the glare too and while it surprised her she figured it had to do with her confession for having feelings for Brooke and turning Lily down the day before.

"I said I was fine," Lily snapped a little harsher than she intended.

"Whoa," Sam breathed. "Calm down. No need to get all charged up," she said with a rather pointed look at the young Latina. Lily understood the look which translated roughly into (Green is not a good color on you, jealous much?) and sighed again.

"Sorry, didn't mean to snap," she apologized guiltily. Brooke watched the silent communication between the two and wondered what she missed.

"Don't worry about it, Lily," Brooke told her calmly. "No offense taken."

"Thanks," Lily mumbled while going back to her toast. The awkward quota at the table went up about three knotches. Brooke looked at Sam and arched an eyebrow but all Sam could do was shrug in response. She honestly had no idea what set Lily off all of a sudden. She was fine and then she wasn't. Sam was beginning to wonder if maybe Lily was developing some sort of manic-depressive disorder that only manifested itself when she was around. (Can that sort of thing be induced by heartbreak?) she wondered dryly with a hint of guilt.

Brooke went back to her bagel also wondering exactly what set Lily off so quickly. It served as a nice distraction from her wandering thoughts about Sam, which was good since that's almost all she could seem to think about this morning. (I've never seen Lily wound so tightly or so snappish. She was fine and then SNAP, bitch alert. I wonder why) she thought. But then Brooke's mind had enough of the `Lily' distraction and went back to its main attraction, Sam. (Oh, God, I gotta figure this out. I can't keep thinking in circles. Am I gay, am I straight, am I bi? Do I want Sam?) She glanced at the taller of her brunette companions who smiled back at her and she felt a strangely familiar and yet unfamiliar flutter in her stomach, half-excitement, half something else and part of her knew she was sunk.

(Oh, Christ, judging from the way my body reacts just from her looking at me, plus the dreams I've had, I'd say yes, I do want Sam. But that would mean that I'm gay and I don't know if I can handle that) she admitted to herself.

Lily, who was seated across from Brooke, watched the myriad of emotions play across the blonde's face in morbid fascination. First there was concern, then consternation and concentration, followed by confusion, and then a flash of desire and want when she looked at Sam. And Lily felt her heart break again when she realized that Brooke did have something for Sam that she was probably just beginning to figure out and gee look, she had a front row seat for it, lucky her. After that there was a look of pure despair that broke Lily's heart in a different way. She felt sorry for Brooke because she understood how hard it was to come to terms with realizing that you don't meet society's version of `normal'. And she was betting it was going to be doubly hard for Brooke if she decided to accept it herself, being popular and having that role to play. And if Brooke did accept it, than Sam was all hers. Lily felt the tears threatening again.

"Excuse me," she said as she got up and headed to the ladies room. After she left, Sam turned to Brooke in confusion.

"Is it me or did you miss an entire section of conversation that only Lily was privy to also?" she asked. Brooke nodded.

"Apparently so," she agreed. She'd noticed the smaller girl watching her a moment ago and saw the tears in her eyes but didn't know what they were for. "Tell you what Sam, you pay the check, I'll go check on her," she handed Sam a ten and went after Lily. Sam threw her hands up in defeat.

"Will someone please give me a clue? I left mine at home," she grumbled to herself.

Lily was sitting on the floor of the bathroom crying when Brooke walked in and found her. She sat down next to the smaller girl.

"Oh, Lily, what's wrong?" Brooke asked softly. Lily sobbed harder. Brooke rubbed the girl's back soothingly.

"You have no idea!" Lily finally burst out, climbing to her feet. Brooke frowned and stood up as well.

"Of course I don't. You've had more ups and downs this morning than a roller coaster ride. Plus I don't know you that well. I can't help if you don't clue me in," she said calmly. Lily glared at her bitterly, a look that Brooke found to be oddly out of place on Lily's normally friendly and open face.

"You could have it all. I mean, you all ready do, but you could have so much more but you don't even see it," she hissed angrily. Brooke scowled.

"Why are you so mad at me? What did I do?" (OK, so I know the answer to that one. If I could just get her to say it, then I don't have to admit to overhearing that conversation) Lily's glare actually got hotter.

"You have no idea what's within your grasp and even if you did you lack the courage to reach out for it!" Lily accused bitterly. Brooke was insulted. Her eyes narrowed and her desire for a `nice friendly chat' evaporated.

"What's `within my grasp', Lily?" she growled. Her hackles were up now. Anyone watching would describe them as two cats with their hair on end, hissing at one another. Lily grunted in frustration.

"I'm not handing it to you that easily, Brooke," she growled back. "But it's something more special than you deserve and for the life of me I don't understand why you're going to get it, why it wants you!" Brooke knew they were talking about Sam but she wanted Lily to say the name first.

"What are you talking about? What is `it'?" she asked trying to provoke the other girl. Lily shook her head and smiled grimly.

"If you can't figure that out on your own, you don't deserve it," she informed Brooke hotly and arrogantly. "But first, you need to figure out what it is you want, Brooke. You need to decide what's more important, your precious image or what you want, your own happiness and someone else's. Can you exist outside the box you let everyone put you in? Can you even think for yourself or are you going to let Nicole and Mary Cherry do it for you for the rest of your life?" Lily asked tauntingly. Brooke looked at her in shock.

"This isn't like you, Lily," she pointed out, calming down some. Lily wiped a few stray tears away.

"Yeah, well, you're in the way of what I want, Brooke. I'm tired of being the nice one who lets everyone use her to get what they want. I know what I want and I can't have it BECAUSE OF YOU!" she finished with a scream. Brooke backed away from the raw pain in Lily's voice.

"Lily, I…" Brooke started but Lily cut her off.

"I'm not stupid, Brooke. And neither are you so cut the shit. We both know what I'm talking about," Lily took a deep, calming breath. "Now, figure out what you want, what you are, what you can and can not deal with and then let the rest of us know so that we can move on with the rest of our lives." Brooke stared at her open mouthed. Lily smirked.

"I've seen how you look at `it'," Lily said, unwilling to give Brooke the satisfaction of saying Sam's name outloud. "You may not realize what you want yet, but you'd better figure it out soon. I won't sit by passively for long. I'm not known for my passiveness," she reminded the thunderstruck blonde.

"Lily, I don't know what I want," Brooke admitted softly. Lily sighed.

"I know, that's the problem. You have to figure that out. It's not fair to make us wait for you to iron out your `issues'."

"I'm scared," Brooke whispered. Lily reached for the door.

"Grow up," she rumbled roughly. "And grab on to the possiblities that lay in front of you before they slip through your fingers, Brooke. Because I won't make the same mistake and there are no second chances in this life." Lily opened the door and walked out. After a few minutes thought, Brooke followed her out. She found Sam sitting alone at the table looking more confused than ever.

"What the Hell happened in there?" Sam asked. "Lily came storming out looking like she'd just gone ten rounds with Layla Ali and then left saying she'd see me at school. You don't look much better than she did. I am SO missing out on something here." Brooke shook her head. (Now what?) Brooke wondered. (To tell or not to tell)

"Tangled webs, Sam. Just the tangled webs," she explained cryptically as they left the restaurant. Sam cocked an eyebrow in confusion and wondered if she had a Brooke-to-English dictionary at home somewhere. (Oh, look, my day did get worse) Sam told herself. (Where's RuPaul when you need him?)

Tangled Web

Author's Notes: And yet more from the museless one. Sorry if it sucks.

A week passed since that disasterous but oh so eventful breakfast and things were not progressing well. While Sam and Brooke were fine, if a little awkward around each other, Lily was downright hostile to both of them. Poor Sam was clueless and Brooke was guilt ridden. And she was no closer to telling Sam the truth or figuring it out for herself than she was when the whole mess started.

Her dreams were changing, becoming more vivid. She wasn't sure if that was a good thing or not. But she enjoyed it nonetheless. Every night she made doubly sure that her bedroom doors were locked so that Sam wouldn't hear anything should she accidently make any noise. Every night she dreamt of Sam. Every morning she came close to telling Sam. And every morning she chickened out. She'd stare at herself in the mirror and not believe that the face staring back at her could possibly be gay. And then the images from her dreams would flash through her mind's eye and well, there was only so much denial the brain could manage before it told you to go screw yourself and wake up and smell the coffee. Right about now, Brooke's brain was on Hazelnut.

(I think, Brooke, that you're going to have to face the fact that you're gay) she told her mirror image one Thursday morning. Her image stared back at her blankly. (Yeah, I can see that you're shocked by that) she thought sarcastically. Her image blinked. (Oh, you're a lot of help) She sighed. (I'm gay AND insane, what a wonderful package)

"Staring at it isn't going to make it get any less ugly," Sam said from the doorway. Brooke turned and shot her a mock glare. Sam smirked.

"Har har, Sam, very funny," Brooke said peevishly although she wasn't really upset. "I was thinking." Sam laughed.

"Yeah, I could see the smoke coming out of your ears," she pointed out. Brooke sent her a real glare and she put her hands up in surrender. "Truce, truce!" she pleaded. Brooke nodded. "Seriously, it looked pretty important. Anything I can help with?" Brooke regarded Sam strangely for a moment. Was Sam McPherson, former enemy and current object of her lustful affections, (which thankfully Sam was unaware of), actually offering to help her?

"Why would you want to help me?" Brooke asked doubtfully. Sam looked away hurt.

"Ow, where'd that come from? I thought we'd gotten past the bitch-on-bitch phase of our relationship. I realize we're not exactly friends but whatever you'd call us now, I thought we could at least help each other out once in a while," Sam explained while her eyes darted around the room nervously. She was afraid she'd overstepped her bounds. Brooke mentally gave herself one Hell of a beating.

(Sure, Brooke, she reaches out to help and you beat her over the head with a lead pipe. How nice of you) Brooke told herself sarcastically. She eyed the skittish brunette in the room with her. (How do you do it, Sam? If you feel the same way I do in your presence, how do you hide it so well? Just looking at you is making my heart race and my skin itch with the need to touch you. And you look so calm! It's not fair!)

"God, Sam, I'm sorry," she apologized. "And we are friends, or close to it." Sam's face lit up and Brooke smiled at her. "It was just strange given our `wonderful'," the word dripped with sarcasm, "history that you would offer to help me."

"Well, I've noticed something bothering you lately and I'd like to help," Sam said. (I wish you could, Sam, but I'm not ready for that just yet) Brooke lamented.

"It's nothing, Sam," she lied. "But if I do decided to talk about it, you're the first person I'll go to." (:::hysterical internal giggle:::)

"OK, cool," Sam responded with a satisfied half-smile. Her expression turned serious. "Not to change subjects, but what is up with Lily lately? It's like she's been possessed by some sort of HellSpawn. I mean, I'm beginning to prefer Nic's company to Lily's, no offense." Brooke nodded.

"None taken, I know what you mean," she agreed. Sam eyed her suspiciously.

"What happened in the bathroom that day? Because that's when her attitude dove into the toliet, excuse the pun. She came out of there pissed like I've never seen before and while I'm not blaming you, something obviously happened but neither of you are talking." Brooke looked away and shrugged, not ready to divuldge that discussion to Sam.

((("You have no idea what's within your grasp and even if you did you lack the courage to reach out for it!" Lily accused bitterly.

"What's `within my grasp', Lily?" Brooke growled at her.

"I'm not handing it to you that easily, Brooke," she growled back. "But it's something more special than you deserve and for the life of me I don't understand why you're going to get it, why it wants you!"

"What are you talking about? What is `it'?" Brooke asked.

"If you can't figure that out on your own, you don't deserve it," Lily had informed Brooke hotly and arrogantly. "But first, you need to figure out what it is you want, Brooke. You need to decide what's more important, your precious image or what you want, your own happiness and someone else's.")))

Those words didn't haunt Brooke as bad as the way the conversation had actually ended.

((("I know what I want and I can't have it BECAUSE OF YOU!" Lily had screamed her voice full of raw and pure pain.

"Lily, I." Brooke started but Lily cut her off.

"I'm not stupid, Brooke. And neither are you so cut the shit. We both know what I'm talking about," Lily took a deep, calming breath. "Now, figure out what you want, what you are, what you can and can not deal with and then let the rest of us know so that we can move on with the rest of our lives."

"I've seen how you look at `it'," Lily continued, unwilling to give Brooke the satisfaction of saying Sam's name outloud. "You may not realize what you want yet, but you'd better figure it out soon. I won't sit by passively for long. I'm not known for my passiveness," she reminded the thunderstruck blonde.

"Lily, I don't know what I want," Brooke admitted softly. Lily sighed.

"I know, that's the problem. You have to figure that out. It's not fair to make us wait for you to iron out your `issues'."

"I'm scared," Brooke whispered.

"Grow up," Lily rumbled roughly. "And grab on to the possiblities that lay in front of you before they slip through your fingers, Brooke. Because I won't make the same mistake and there are no second chances in this life." Lily opened the door and walked out.)))

And Brooke knew that there was only so long Lily would stand by and wait for her to make up her mind. Lily was not by nature passive, she saw something she felt needed to be done and she did it. There was no reason to think that this whole `Sam' thing would be any different. Lily loved Sam and Brooke was beginning to think she did too but wasn't sure if she was strong enough to handle the ramifications if that was true. She was telling the truth when she told Lily she was scared. She pulled her mind back to the here and now and saw Sam smiling at her. Sam waved.

"Hi! Have a nice mental vacation?" Sam asked cheekily. Brooke blushed.

"Zoned out, did I?" Sam nodded.

"Oh yeah, big time. Totally different planet for a few seconds there."

"Sorry," Brooke sighed. Sam shrugged.

"Eh. Are you going to answer my question? What did you two rumble about anyway? And don't lie and say nothing because I'm not stupid." Panic flashed through Brooke. (Oh crap, how do I get out of this one?)

"Uh, we argued about Mary Cherry and her affinity for fur," Brooke lied lamely. Sam glared at her.

"I just said I wasn't stupid. Fine, suit yourself if you don't want to tell me, I won't push. It's obviously an issue between the two of you, but for the love of God, iron whatever it is out before the rest of us get caught in the cross fire," Sam asked as she left the bathroom. She was slightly insulted that Brooke had looked her in the face and blatantly lied to her.

She shut the door to her bedroom and leaned against it heavily. (There is so much more going on here than I'm aware of, I just know it) Sam thought. (It all comes back down to what went on in that bathroom) She knew this but neither girl was talking. You couldn't even mention Brooke's name around Lily without the shorter girl going postal and flipping her lid. (When did my life get so complicated?) Sam wondered. She smiled humorlessly. (Oh, yeah, when I fell madly and completely in love with my stepsister-to-be) she turned around and rested her forehead on the door. (Somebody shoot me and put me out of my misery) she begged the cosmic masses. They weren't listening.

She ran her fingers over the contours of the door that now separated her from Brooke and sighed. (God, I wish I could tell you, Brooke) she thought as a few tears slid down her face at the hopelessness of her situation. (I am so hopelessly yours and it's slowly killing me not be able to touch you or tell you how I feel) a small sob escaped her lips and she bit her bottom lip to prevent anymore. She turned around again and slid to the floor, bringing her knees up to her chest and wrapping her arms around them. Curled up in a ball on her bedroom floor, Sam silently cried for what she felt she could never have and for what was kept from her by more than the three inches of wood between them

Brooke lay sprawled on her back on her bed contemplating the great mysteries of life, or at least HER life when her phone rang. Expecting it to be Nicole or Mary Cherry, she attempted to ignore it but after rolling over to check the Caller ID, she was surprised to see ESPOSITO on it. Warily, she picked up the phone.

"Hello?" she said softly. There was a pause that made her think that maybe Lily had changed her mind.

"Figure anything out yet?" Lily finally asked, the venom in her voice carrying over clearly. Brooke winced.

"I think so," Brooke answered carefully. She heard Lily sigh.

"I lost didn't I?" Lily asked, her voice softer this time, resigned.

"Lily, this wasn't a game to be played, with winners or losers," Brooke pointed out. Lily sighed again.

"Why couldn't you be straight like a normal person?" Lily asked almost desperately. Brooke couldn't help laughing a little.

"I'm trying to figure that out myself, Lily," she said between giggles.

"It's not fair," Lily complained morosely. "You always win." Brooke frowned even though Lily couldn't see her.

"It's not about winning," she repeated. "Sam isn't the prize in a box of CrackerJacks, Lily." Lily laughed although it sounded more like a sob.

"I know, she's much better than a stick on tattoo," she joked. "How'd you know?" Brooke smacked herself in the forehead at her slip. She just let Lily know she knew about her and Sam. (Shit, might as well come clean)

"I accidently overheard you and Sam talking in the newspaper office that day," she confessed. There was dead silence on the other end of the phone and for a moment she thought Lily hung up. "Lily?"

"You've known that long how she felt and you didn't say anything?" indignation crept into Lily's tone and Brooke was suddenly sorry she said anything.

"Lily, what could I say until I figured out how I felt?" Brooke argued. "Even now I don't know what I'm going to do."

"Jesus Christ, you really are a blonde, aren't you?" Lily snapped. Brooke glared at the phone.

"That's not fair, Lily. This is one Hell of a hot potato to drop in someone's lap and expect them to react to. I've still got some sorting out to do. I've taken the first step, give me some credit," she countered.

"Say it," Lily demanded.

"What?" Brooke asked confused.

"Say the words and I'll back off," Lily explained. Brooke sighed with the realization.

"Fine, geez, didn't realize you could be so childish," she growled.

"Brooke, either say it or I'm going after Sam myself, no holds barred," Lily warned. Ice cold fear shot through Brooke. (Oh no you don't you little twerp) she thought.

"Fine, Lily. I'm gay and I love Sam. Happy?" (Oh, shit, did I just admit that outloud?) Again there was absolute silence on the other end of the phone. Soon though, Brooke could hear sobbing. "Oh. Lily, please stop crying," she begged. There was a long sniffle.

"S'Ok Brooke," Lily assured her. "Just hearing it was hard. I mean, I knew that as long as Sam loved you I didn't stand a chance. I just figured that eventually she'd get tired of waiting for you, you being straight and all, and I could wait for her. You being gay AND in love with Sam kinda destroys that plan," Lily explained through her tears.

"I'm sorry," Brooke offered.

"Don't be. How are you going to tell her?"

"God, I don't know. I've still got a lot of stuff to figure out, Lily. If I go through with this, it changes so much. My entire life, my image," Brooke explained, mildly panicked.

"Oh for God's sake, Brooke," Lily snapped, anger returning to her voice. "If you can't get over your stupid little image issues than you don't deserve Sam. And you will lose her because you know she doesn't give a rat's ass about any of that. But if you cling to worrying about what other people think, you'll lose her. I won't make the same mistake."

"I'm not you, Lily," Brooke snapped back. "Or Sam. I don't have that kind of strength."

"You'd better find it, Brooke. And fast. There's more to life than people's opinions, it's called personal happiness. And yours, much to my chagrin, comes with the name Sam." Brooke sighed.

"I'm working on it, Lily," she said confidently. She really was, she just didn't know exactly what she was doing yet.

"OK, I'll let you go `work on it' then. Just don't play with her, Brooke. Cause I'll kill you if you hurt her," Lily warned.

"Understood," Brooke answered.

"Goodnight, Brooke."

"Goodnight, Lily."

Brooke was brushing her teeth and getting ready for bed when Sam walked into the bathroom. She grabbed her toothbrush and gave Brooke a small smile.

"Who called? Nic want to know what you were wearing to school tomorrow so you could match?" she teased. Brooke stuck out her tongue.

"Actually, little Miss I-think-I'm-so-funny, it was Lily," Brooke informed her. Sam's eyebrows shot up in surprise.

"Really? She want to go for round 2 or straighten things out with you?"

"A little of both but I think we're OK now," Brooke answered. Sam nodded.

"That's good. Things were getting WAY out of hand. I was starting to feel seriously unincluded." Brooke watched as Sam started to brush her teeth. She felt her body temperature start to rise and her skin tingle. (Oh, I have got it bad) she thought with a rueful laugh.

"I'd never not include you, Sammy," Brooke said, noticing how her voice seemed to unintentionally dip an octave. Sam noticed it too and frowned into the mirror in confusion.

"Uh, that's good," Sam stuttered nervously around a mouthful of toothpaste. The change in the cheerleaders voice made her blush and she wasn't sure why. "So what was the argument about anyway? Can I know now?" she asked trying to draw attention away from the sudden tension in the air. (OK, I'm clueless again. I think I might need a script to keep up with things lately)

"We both wanted something, the same thing only I didn't realize it at first," Brooke said cryptically, moving a little closer to Sam. Sam eyed her warily. She loved being around Brooke but something in Brooke's behavior right now was setting off alarm bells in her head. And yet, most of her really didn't want to listen to them.

Brooke, for her part, had come to a few conclusions after hanging up the phone. The most important being, Lily was right, her happiness was paramount. She could deal with whatever else second. She wanted Sam, that would make her happy and she already knew Sam wanted her. Now she just had to muster the courage to let Sam know. Unfortunately, knowing this and acting on it were two different things. And Sam's present Bambi caught in the headlights imitation wasn't helping.

"What did you both want?" Sam asked slightly confused. Lily and Brooke didn't wear the same size, so it wasn't clothes, not to mention they had different taste. It certainly wasn't a guy, because Lily wanted Sam herself. But if it was that then that would mean.

Brooke watched Sam's eyes grow so wide she thought they were going to pop out of Sam's head and she knew Sam had figured it out on her own. Sam looked at her in shock and started to shake. Brooke took another step forward and was surprised when Sam took a step back.

"Sam." Brooke started. Sam shook her head.

"Don't play with me, it's not fair," she whispered. Brooke crossed the space between them and deciding that words would fail her, pulled Sam into a scorching kiss. (Hmm.AquaFresh) Brooke thought absently. Sam made no effort to pull away but instead surrendered to the kiss. Brooke finally broke away and leaned her forehead against Sam's, panting heavily.

"Brooke?" Sam asked quietly but Brooke covered her mouth with her hand.

"No questions tonight, Sam," she said as softly as Sam had said her name. "We'll talk tomorrow, I promise." She kissed Sam again and then after giving Sam a loving smile, retreated into her room. Sam stood in the bathroom, shocked for several minutes before she remembered where her bedroom was. When she reached her bed, she collapsed onto it and cried herself to sleep.

Meanwhile, Lily decided she needed chocolate so she walked to the corner store. She hated walking at night but her mother had her car so she had no choice. She was on her way home when a familiar and unwelcome car pulled up beside her.

"Heya, Twinkie, whatcha doing walking this late at night? Earning extra cash?" Nicole asked. Lily rolled her eyes.

"Go away Nicole. I'm not at school therefore I don't have to put up with you."

"OK, the prostitution crack was out of line, Lil, sorry," the apology stopped Lily in her tracks. (Did Nicole Julian just apologize to me?) She did a double take to make sure it was indeed Nicole Julian driving the expensive luxury car. (Yup, that's Nic)

"What do you want, Nic? I'm not really in the mood for your unique brand of company," she warned. Nicole shrugged.

"Look, I just wanted to offer you a ride home, that's all," Nicole explained. Lily stared at her like she'd sprouted an extra head.

"Excuse me? And what do you get out of it?" Nicole frowned.

"Nothing. Lily, it's late and dangerous for someone like you to be out walking alone," Nicole said softly. Lily scoffed.

"Someone like me? What? Latina trash?" Nicole sighed.

"No, a pretty young girl. Jesus, Lily, hang a sign on your back that says `rape me' for God's sake, you'd be less obvious," Nic snapped. In Lily's opinion, Nicole had just sprouted two more heads. (Pretty?)

"Uh." Lily stuttered.

"Taking articulation lessons from Spam, I see?" Nic joked. "Are you getting in the car or not?" Lily nodded.

"Ok, you have a point, Nicole. I'll give you that," she climbed into the passenger's seat. Nicole pulled the car back on the road.

"Great, but if you tell ANYONE at school I let you in my car, loser, I'll skin you alive."

Desire into Despair

Author's Notes: I think I found my muse, but she's acting funny. This part SUCKS. Ye have been warned. Ar, now I'm a pirate.

Sam lay curled up on her bed. She didn't want to get up. Some part of her didn't want to face the reality that awaited her. (Surely I dreamed what happened last night) she told herself solemnly. (Brooke didn't kiss me, twice. My fragile, tiny little mind has finally snapped and I've lost it) She pulled her knees even closer to her body and pulled the covers over her head. (Or, if she did kiss me, she's going to realize she made a horrible mistake and blame the whole thing on me and blab all over school that I'm gay) Tears started anew. (My life is over)

Meanwhile, across the bathroom and in Brooke's room, Brooke was pacing like a caged animal. (What was I thinking? It seemed like the right idea at the time!) she told herself. Panic was the emotion of the morning. (Now what do I do? What if she thinks I was just playing? I can't just let her think that) Deciding she needed to talk to Sam, Brooke marched into the bathroom to Sam's door and was surprised to find it locked.

"Sam? Sam you in there?" She was greeted by silence. She left the bathroom, went out through her room into the hallway and tried Sam's hall door. It was locked too. Now she was pretty sure Sam was in the room.

"Sam, open the door, we need to talk," she asked. Still Sam didn't answer her. She thanked God both their parents weren't home. It'd be hard to explain why she was outside Sam's room begging to be let in.

"Sam, damn it, open the freaking door!" she yelled.

"Go away!" the anguish-ridden voice surprised Brooke. (Why is she upset? I thought.I thought.Jesus, I don't know what to think anymore) Brooke sighed. She knew Sam was in love with her, she had heard the words from Sam's own mouth, and she knew she felt something for Sam as well. Whether or not it was love, Brooke couldn't be sure but it was strong and overwhelming and couldn't be ignored anymore. (But) she conceeded (maybe kissing her and walking away last night wasn't the wisest course of action. God, she's probably tied up on knots trying to figure out what's going on)

"Sam," she called gently through the door, "open the door so that we can talk."

"I don't wanna talk," Sam called back her voice still anguished. Brooke shook her head forgetting for a second that Sam couldn't see her.

"Sam, we have to talk about what happened last night," she was cut off by something heavy connecting with the other side of the door. Brooke figured it was a shoe but Sam had thrown something at her nonetheless. She closed her eyes and sighed again.

"Fine, Sam, you don't want to talk, I understand that. But I do. Since you've no where to go, I guess you'll just have to listen. I wasn't just screwing around last night, I knew what I was doing. I meant what I was doing. I wanted to kiss you," she confessed to Sam's closed door. Since she didn't hear anything else hit the door, she continued.

"I know how you really feel about me, don't ask me how, I just do," she didn't feel like explaining the whole easedropping incident right now. "I feel something for you too and I want a chance to see where it'll take us, Sam. Please?" she asked. Silence answered her. With one more heavy sigh of resignation and having said her say, Brooke traced her hand over Sam's door.

"Think about it Sam. I'll see you at school."

Sam sat throughout Brooke's speech, enraptured by the words floating through her door positively convinced that she was dreaming. (That's not really Brooke) she told herself. (Brooke's straight) she chanted repeatedly although Brooke's words clearly indicated otherwise. (She must have hit her head) Sam reasoned logically. But the other half of her mind told her to shut up.

((What if Brooke isn't straight? What if she does have feelings for you?)) (No!) Sam argued with herself. (She's screwing around with me because she somehow found out about my feelings and now she's going to use them against me. Or she thinks she feels something that's not really there and she'll realize she's made a mistake and blame me and I'll lose everything) Sam continued to argue with herself for a good hour until she gave herself a pounding headache and made herself late for school.

While she toyed with idea of skipping, she knew the school would only call her mother and then she'd have to bluff her way out of a doctor's appointment and it would be a royal mess by the time she was done. So after grabbing a quick shower and getting dressed, she headed to school and planned to avoid Brooke as much as possible. Which would be no easy task seeing as they shared a few classes.

Brooke waited anxiously in Chem class for Sam. She knew Sam was in school, she's seen her in the hall but every time she'd tried to approach her, the skittish brunette had taken off in the other direction. She turned to the door but still no Sam. She felt something hit her in the back of the head and turned around to the source. Lily was glaring at her.

(What's you do?) Lily mouthed at her motioning at Sam's empty seat. Brooke shrugged and shook her head.

(I don't know) she mouthed back. Lily rolled her eyes and blew her bangs away from her forehead.

(If you hurt her.) Lily started. Brooke glared back at her.

(I know, I know) she mouthed back angrily. Nicole was watching the entire exchange in extreme fascination. Just then, Sam walked in looking rather flustered and sat down moving her seat as far from Brooke as possible and still be at the same table. Lily's glare at Brooke grew hotter and Brooke sighed.

"Sam, I wore deodorant this morning," Brooke said wryly. Sam didn't look at her.

"Whatever," she answered plainly as she focused on Bio Glass and the blackboard.

"Sam, talk to me," Brooke asked. Again, Sam didn't turn her way.

"I'm trying to learn," she snapped.

"Esposito, eyes front. McQueen, McPherson, whatever petty little squabble you little guttersnipes are presently involved in, while usually fun to watch, aren't going to happen on my time, understood?" Bio Glass asked. Sam shot Brooke a glare that was almost deadly.

"Yes sir."

"Yes ma'am."

"You're going to have to talk to me eventually," Brooke argued when she cornered Sam in the Novac later that day. Sam sighed and resisted the urge to put her head through the mirror.

"What is there to talk about Brooke? You made a mistake. Fine, I understand that. Let's move on," Sam said peevishly as she headed for the door. Brooke moved to stop her.

"Is that what you think?" she asked surprised. "Sam, I didn't make a mistake. I made a mistake by denying how I felt for you for so long." She watched Sam's eyes get wide.

"What brought this on?" Sam asked suspiciously waiting for Nicole and Mary Cherry to burst out at any minute with a video camera and expose her sexuality for the school to see.

"I overheard you talking to Lily in the newspaper office a while ago," Brooke confessed. "It made me realize somethings and one was that I have feelings for you." Sam backed away.

"You can't do this to me," she protested. Brooke frowned. She was SO confused.

"Do what, Sam? I'm telling you that I feel the same way you do, isn't that what you want?" Tears were starting to flow down Sam's face.

"Yes!" she agreed. "But I finally had a grip on things. I could finally face you and not feel the overpowering need to grab you and kiss you senseless!" Sam ranted as she started to pace. "I was finally to a point where I thought we could be friends and this wouldn't get in the way. I finally had a handle on everything and you go and rip everything apart! That's not fair!" Brooke tried to approach her but Sam backed away again.

"It doesn't have to get `in the way', Sam. Give it a chance," she started. Sam was shaking her head violently.

"No, you're wrong. You don't know what you want," Sam declared. "You overheard me and Lily, you heard my confession and it intrigues you but it's not real. And you'll discover that somewhere down the line and blame me for this whole thing and I'll end up with my heart broken and wanting to die and I won't do it, I just won't!" And with that she wrenched open the door to the Novac and ran out before Brooke could stop her.

"Hey, Lily," Lily jumped at the sound of Nicole's voice behind her. She spun around to face the shorthaired blonde. Her eyes narrowed.

"What do you want, Nicole?" she asked annoyed. Nicole frowned and actually looked, wounded?

"Nothing, well, actually, I wanted to talk, somewhere in private," Nicole said quietly. "I do have a reputation to uphold but I need to talk to you." Lily rolled her eyes.

"Fine, whatever. But if this is some sort of plan to hurt me or my friends, Nicole, I will hurt you," she snapped. Nicole shook her head.

"This is as above board as that ride home," she declared. Lily still eyed her suspiciously as they entered the Novac. After making sure they were alone, Nicole locked the door.

"All right, I'll bite, what do you want to talk about?" Lily asked as she sat down. It wasn't everyday that Nicole Julian, Queen Bitch and second in command at Kennedy High wanted to have a private pow wow with you. Nicole licked her lips nervously.

"What's going on with you and Brooke and Spam?" well, always blunt and to the point, that's Nicole.

"Her name is SAM," Lily pointed out. Nicole waved a hand at her.

"Whatever, Sam. Well? I saw that little lip-reading session with Brooke in Chem lab today and I saw Sp.Sam's reaction to Brooke today. Something's rotten in Whoville and I wanna know what." Lily snickered.

"Like I'd tell you if I knew," she stood up to leave.

"Wait," something in Nicole's tone made Lily turn around. "Sit please." Lily sat back down and so did Nicole.

"I know," Nicole started. "I know Sam has it bad for Brooke," Lily stared at her in open-mouthed shock. "Stop staring at me like that, Lily. I also know you have a thing for Sam. You both wear it like badges whenever you look at the object of your affection. Funny thing is, Sam was oblivious to you and Brooke was oblivious to Sam until recently. Something changed now spill." Knowing that telling Nicole was probably not the smartest thing but since the girl already knew, what harm could there be, Lily spilled the entire story up to present. Nicole sat silently for a few minutes.

"And you have no idea what Brooke did to upset Sam?' Lily shook her head.

"Nope. And you're not bothered by the fact that Brooke is gay?" Nicole shook her head.

"No, God, why would I care? I say whatever makes you happy, go for it." Lily shook her head.

"Why can't you be like this all the time?" Nicole smiled wryly.

"Not the part picked out for me, Lil," she said, a hint of regret in her tone. "We all have our roles to play. You have yours, I have mine whether we like the ones we have or not we have to play them."

"Why?"

"Upset the apple cart and the whole goes to shit, Lily," Nicole tried to explain. At Lily's blank look Nicole just sighed. "Sorry, my mother's reasoning. You do as expected and don't rock the boat."

"Sad way to be," Lily pointed out.

"Why do you think I'm a bitch all the time?" Nicole asked with a smirk. Lily laughed.

"Bitch or not, Nic, I wouldn't mind seeing more of this side of you," Lily confessed. Nicole's smirk became a grin. (Brooke was oblivious to Sam; Sam was oblivious to you; and you are oblivious to me, Lily. It's a cruel world)

"Thanks Lily, that means a lot. So, what about Brooke and Sam?" Lily sighed.

"Well, we could just wait and see if they straighten it out on their own," she suggested.

"Or we can clean up their mess afterward."

Brooke had looked everywhere but she could not find Sam. She wasn't home, at school, at the cemetery, anywhere Brooke thought that she'd be and she was starting to get worried. It was unlike Sam to just take off like that and not tell anyone where she was going. Eventually, Brooke ended up at Lily's front door.

"Hey Lily, is Sam here?" Lily's eyes narrowed and she shook her head.

"No, she's not. Why?" Lily asked acid leaking into her tone.

"I uh, lost her?" Brooke asked afraid of pissing off the diminutive Latina but knowing honestly was best. Lily exploded.

"YOU LOST HER? HOW THE HELL DID YOU MANAGE THAT?" Lily screamed while dragging Brooke to her room.

"Well, it kind of started last night," Brooke hedged. Lily stood there tapping her foot waiting for an explaination. "I kissed her and told her we'd talk in the morning." Lily's eyes got wide and her jaw dropped.

"You kissed her and walked away?" she hissed. "Whatever could have possessed you? Why not try reverse Russian Roullette with her?"

"Lily calm down. I couldn't think of anything else. Words failed me and I wanted her to know how I felt. So I kissed her," Brooke explained lamely. Really, it seemed like such a good idea at the time.

"But you walked away," Lily said. "Without explaining anything. Oh, poor Sam has no idea what's going on."

"I tried to explain it to her," Brooke defended herself. Lily turned on her a murderous glare in her eyes.

"After the fact! You don't get it, Brooke. She LOVES you and you played with her, however unintentionally. You baited the hook with everything she could ever desire and then snatched it out of reach. It's like dangling the carrot in front of the horse to get it to walk forward. That was cruel, Brooke." Brooke's shoulders slumped. She hadn't thought of it that way.

"I didn't mean to," Brooke whispered near tears. (God, I have messed everything up and we haven't even started yet "What do I do now? I don't even know where she is." Lily thought a minute.

"Go home, Brooke. She'll eventually go there, she has to. And try to talk to her again. Apologize for the royal mess you've made," Lily glared at her again. "I can't believe you," she breathed. Brooke stood up and glared back.

"I made a God Damn mistake, Lily. Get off your freaking high horse and get over it," she snapped before storming out. Lily just shook her head.

"Yeah, well, fix it before you make it worse, Brooke."

/A little out of character and probably impossible but, eh, what the hell/

Brooke was waiting for Sam when she finally came through the door at nearly three in the morning.

"Way past your curfew McPherson," Brooke said softly.

"Bite me," Sam snapped as she staggered towards the stairs. Brooke noticed the ungainly walk and was instantly alarmed.

"Where've you been?" she asked. Sam huffed at her.

"Who're you now, my mother?" Sam asked angrily. Brooke approached her and watched as Sam tried to back away only to trip and land on the stairs.

"You've been drinking," Brooke said in disbelief. Sam laughed.

"My, you're quick this evening," she scoffed. Brooke shook her head in disappointment.

"I wanted to talk to you but if this is how you deal with your problems than I think you need to talk to someone else," she said sadly. Sam stood back up.

"So I snuck into a bar and had a few, Jesus Brooke sue me!" she exclaimed. "I've seriously had my head screwed with lately and wanted a chance to forget about it, at least for a little while." Brooke started to walk away.

"Hey, I've been sleeping the worst of it off in a motel since 11 so I'm not totally tanked Brooke. I didn't drive either. Cab fair nearly sucked me dry. You wanna talk, talk."

"Not now, Sam, not like this," Brooke sighed. Sam scowled.

"Well, whenever you're good and ready let me know so that I can clear my schedule, Your Royal Highness!" she yelled. Brooke spun to face the irate and slightly inebriated brunette on the staircase. "You know, this has all been about when you're ready. What about me? What about when I'm ready, huh?"

"Sam."

"No! I wanna talk now and you say not now. I wanted to talk last night after you planted that kiss on me and you said tomorrow. I didn't want to talk this morning but you did so you went right ahead, whatever Brookie wants Brookie gets, is that it?"

"Damn it, Sam, no. And you know it. Why are you making this so difficult?" Sam ran a hand through her disheveled hair.

"I'm not," she said calmer. "I just don't understand how you go from being Brooke, heterosexual homecoming queen to Brooke, homosexual stepsister kissing McQueen." Brooke walked a little closer and was relieved that Sam didn't back away. But she could smell the stale beer on Sam and it turned her stomach.

"Easy, apparently, according to my subconscious, who's a bitch you don't want to meet her, I was never `Brooke, heterosexual homecoming queen' or at least the heterosexual part. I was always the homosexual part, at least where you're concerned." Sam arched an eyebrow.

"And I'm the drunk one," Sam laughed. "Oh, I so need to sleep this off," she sighed.

"Chances are you won't even remember this conversation in the morning, Sam," Brooke pointed out. Sam shook her head.

"Yes I will," she argued. "I've got a mind like a steel trap."

"Or a cheese grate. Up to bed and we'll try this again tomorrow when you're sober. But please Sam, don't do this again," Brooke asked. Sam frowned.

"Do what?"

"Sam," Brooke warned as she walked Sam up to her room.

"I know, I know. But it just hurt so much," Sam said as she flopped down on her bed. Brooke blinked away tears at the confession.

"I'm sorry," Brooke apologized quietly.

""S'OK," Sam said around her pillow. Brooke pulled off Sam's shoes and threw the blanket over her. "Night."

"Good night Sam."

"Love you," Sam mumbled as she rolled over and drifted off. The comment caught Brooke off guard and she was ready to dismiss it as alcohol induced but decided against it. She bent down and kissed Sam lightly on the temple.

"You too, Sammy."

Possibilities

Author's Notes: Yeah, I know I used the lyrics from FFF's `Superman' in a BtVS fic on the BuffylovesWillow list but it's such a great song I thought I'd use it here. Maybe it works, maybe it doesn't but I tried. Shoot me. AND-because Angelina and ChildeofDarla request it, I will no longer say my fics are pieces of fecal matter. Happy? (VBEG) Song ain't mine either, it belongs to Five for Fighting.

Thank You: To SnoGirl2 for the series title and honorable mention to AmberDragon. Virtual cookies to you both!!!

Sam woke to an absolutely pounding headache. She instantly cursed consciousness as overrated and groaned, pulling her covers further over her head.

"Wakey wakey sleepy head," Brooke's soft voice whispered from a few feet away. Sam pulled the edge of her blanket down and she cracked open one eye. Sitting beside the bed patiently was Brooke watching her with a glass of OJ in one hand. Sam closed her eye when the light became too much.

"Why am I so stupid?" she asked as she burrowed under her covers again. She heard Brooke half-laugh, half-sigh. She heard the ruffle signifying that Brooke had moved and then felt the bed shift as Brooke sat down next to her.

"You're not stupid, you were upset. But next time, please find a better way to deal with it," Brooke asked. "Alcohol isn't a solution, it's another problem. Come on, I've got some asprin and juice for you. Sit up and take it." Sam reluctantly did as she was told, the action making the room spin. She hated hangovers. She stayed sitting up and leaned into Brooke.

"I really screwed up, huh?" she asked. Brooke rubbed her back.

"No, I did by driving you to that point, Sam. I never should have kissed you and walked away," Brooke said guiltily. Sam sighed. (I knew she didn't mean to kiss me) she thought dejectedly.

"Don't worry about it, no harm, no foul. Won't mention it again," Sam said as she leaned away from Brooke and back onto the bed. Brooke looked at her in confusion. (How is she managing to twist everything I say?)

"Sam, that's not what I meant…" she started. Sam burrowed further under the covers.

"Can we talk about this later, like when it doesn't feel like a herd of elephants is galloping through my brain hunting for peanuts?" Brooke giggled at the imagery. She layed down next to Sam. Sam shifted to face her.

"What are you doing?" she asked. Brooke kind of liked the shocked look on Sam's face.

"Staying with you until you feel better, OK?" Sam frowned slightly.

"You don't have to." Brooke smiled.

"I want to," she assured the hungover brunette while brushing some hair out of Sam's face. Sam smiled back.

"Oh, OK," Sam said as she closed her eyes. Brooke kissed the end of Sam's nose and Sam tried to open her eyes but she was tired and they only flickered open for a second giving Brooke a glance at the surprised brown orbs.

"Sleep, Sam, I'll be here when you wake up," Brooke whispered. Sam let out a long sigh and fell asleep. Brooke wrapped her arms around Sam and fell asleep a few minutes later.

Lily was walking through the park when Nicole found her. Lily looked at the blonde suspiciously.

"Are you stalking me?" Lily asked. Nicole blushed.

"Uh, no," Nicole said although there was a slight lilt to her voice that made it sound more like a question than an answer. Lily shook her head, confused.

"I've talked to you more lately than I have our entire three years of high school. What is up with you lately?" Lily asked. Nicole shrugged as they started to walk again.

"I dunno, I like talking to you I guess," Lily looked at her in shock. "What? I don't have to be Queen Bitch A Lot when I talk to you, it's a nice change."

"Oh," (Well, that made a certain kind of Nicole sense) Lily conceeded. "Aren't you afraid someone will see you talking to me?" Again Nicole shrugged.

"Maybe it's time to upset my Mom's applecart," she said with a wicked smile. "Besides, there's nothing I can do to dethrone Brooke, not that I really want to and everyone, even Mary Cherry, is too afraid to go after me so, I've got nothing to fear."

"Isn't it hard, having everyone either hate you or fear you, I mean?" Lily asked. Nicole sighed.

"Lonely maybe. But I did it to myself so, what can you do?" Lily smiled.

"Rock the boat?" Lily suggested. Nicole laughed. A genuine laugh that Lily had never heard before and found that she liked.

"I'm not rocking it," Nicole said. "I'm poking holes in the bottom of the sucker and watching it sink." Lily laughed. (God, this is SO not Nicole, and yet it is)

"Sounds like a plan," Lily told her. Nicole nodded.

"I'm working on it. So how's things on the Brooke and Sam front?" Lily frowned.

"Brooke lost Sam last night," she said. At Nicole's confused look, Lily elaborated and explained how Brooke had literally misplaced Sam and couldn't find her, the kiss incident and by the time she was done explaining, Nicole was wincing and shaking her head.

"Natural blondes, gotta love `em," Nicole muttered. "Did she find her?" Lily shrugged.

"I dunno, but since I haven't heard from either of them I guess she must have."

"Maybe they can talk it out and clean up the God awful mess in front of them," Nicole hoped. "Just so that we don't have to." Lily nodded as they sat down on a nearby bench.

"Weird though, isn't it? Brooke and Sam? Who'd have thought?" Lily said with a half laugh. Nicole joined her for the laugh.

"Possibilities, Lily. They're endless," she said simply.

"I suppose," Lily sighed. "Would have been easier if Brooke was straight though."

"And you could have had Sam when she got tired of waiting for Brooke?" Nicole asked already knowing the answer.

"Yeah, and I would have waited however long it took, too," Lily responded while watching a bird pass over. She missed the hurt look on Nicole's face. Lily turned to Nicole a serious expression on her face.

"Really though, Nic, what's up with you lately? Not that I mind but you've been preternaturally nice to me lately and excuse me because no insult is intended but, I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop." Nicole deflated a few more notches.

"No other shoe, Lily, honest," she said softly looking at her feet. "Not even a Prada."

"Why me? You haven't been this way towards Carmen or Harrison, I've noticed. Why me?" Nicole kept staring at her feet.

(Do I tell her or do I keep the boat steady? She likes Sam and has made her distaste for me very plain. Argh, what to do, what to do) Nicole mulled over her choices. Never really one for backing away from a challenge, she found a middle ground.

"Have you ever heard the song `Superman (It's not easy)' by Five for Fighting?" Nicole asked, throwing Lily off for a second.

"Probably, can't think of it off the top of my head right now, why?" Lily asked getting confused. Nicole gave her a half-smile as she stood up.

"Tell you what, give the song a listen and really listen to it and maybe you'll understand me a little better. It's a stretch but I find it fits. And I'm gonna take a chance and steal a page from Brooke's book," she said as she leaned over and brushed her lips over a very surprised Lily's. The kiss was gentle, tentative. Nicole stood back up and looked into Lily's face.

"Please forgive me," she whispered with tears in her eyes. She turned and walked away leaving a shocked Lily on the park bench speechless. Lily reached up and traced her fingers over her lips that were still tingling.

(Uh, did Nicole Julian just kiss me?) she thought as her brain kicked back in. (Yes, stupid, she did) her brain answered her. She bolted up off the bench but Nicole was all ready gone. (OK, plan #2, where's the nearest record store?)

Sam woke up again and her head felt better. She opened her eyes and looked directly into Brooke's sleeping face. Sam hitched in a breath. She always thought Brooke was beautiful but asleep the blonde was heartbreakingly breathtaking. Angelic and innocent without a trace of stress or worry on her face. Actually, right now Brooke looked rather content with her arms wrapped around Sam and her face mere inches away. Sam traced the outline of Brooke's lips with her eyes remembering how soft they were and how they tasted. Tears stung her eyes as she recalled how convoluted things were. And how she wasn't helping to make them any better.

"Don't cry, Sammy," Brooke whispered as her eyes focused on Sam's. "Shhh…" she said as she pulled Sam closer. Sam sobbed into Brooke's shoulder.

"I don't understand," Sam whispered as Brooke held her close.

"Are you ready to talk?" Brooke asked. Sam nodded against her. Brooke took a deep breath and started at the beginning.

"I accidently overheard you and Lily talking that day in the newspaper office. I know I should have walked away but I didn't and I'm sorry. Well, no I'm not because otherwise I never would have known how you felt and never would have been honest about how I felt."

"How do you feel?" Sam asked needing clarification. Brooke thought for a second.

"I care very very deeply for you, I know that. But I don't know if it's love, Sam," she said honestly. Sam tried not to look hurt but was unsuccessful. Brooke brought her face back up to look her in the eyes. "But I think it is, but it's different than what I felt with Josh," she explained. "So I'm not sure."

"Oh," Sam said, understanding. "OK." Brooke smiled.

"I know that I want you so bad it hurts," she said a blush coming to her cheeks which Sam found endearing. "I dream about nothing else which is a little frustrating in every sense of the word," she said with a smile. Sam's eyes lit up.

"That night?" Sam asked refering to a few weeks ago. Brooke nodded.

"I was dreaming about you," she admitted. Sam's mouth dropped open and Brooke laughed. "Don't look so shocked, Sam." Sam blushed and arched an eyebrow.

"So was I any good?" she asked cheekily. Brooke swatted her on the shoulder.

"You heard the noises I was making, what do you think?" Brooke said with a smirk. Sam blushed again.

"Oh geeze," she whispered strangely embarrassed.

"Anyway," Brooke interrupted, "back to the subject. I overheard you and it got me to thinking about how I felt. Then I started to see that I cared for you in a more than sisterly way."

"And we had that disasterous breakfast with Lily," Sam added starting to follow the train of thought and put the pieces together. Brooke nodded.

"Yes, and she and I had it out over you in the bathroom. She told me to grow up and reach out for what I wanted before it slipped away."

"That's why she was acting like a PMSing grizzly bear for so long. She was waiting for you to make a move and it was driving her insane not knowing what you were going to do," Sam sighed. (Poor Lily)

"That and probably knowing that I was going to go after you and she'd lose you," Brooke added sadly. (Poor Lily)

"I'm still confused. How long have you been gay?" Sam asked. "It's not just something you decide to do, like color your hair."

"I had a long chat with my subconscious," Brooke started

"The bitch? You mentioned that," Sam laughed.

"You remember that conversation?" Sam smirked.

"Steel trap, remember?"

"I still say cheese grate but anyway," Sam raspberried her, "my subconscious says I've always had a thing for you so I guess I've always been gay. I just suppressed it because I didn't understand it, I feared it and then it didn't fit with the `popular' image I was saddled with."

"You've always had a `thing' for me?" Sam asked meekly in surprise.

"I've apparently always `had my groove on for Sam McPherson since before I knew what the groove was for'," Brooke explained as she ran her fingers over the skin of Sam's neck just needing to touch her. Sam shivered slightly in delight.

"This can't really be happening," Sam whispered. Brooke frowned.

"Why do you insist on denying yourself what you want?" she asked slightly annoyed. Sam shook her head.

"You don't get it," she said pulling away slightly. "I want this, you so bad. But I'm afraid that it's all a dream that will slip away when I reach out for it," she confessed, her voice cracking with emotion. "And I've had that happen so many times that it nearly kills me each time. I'm afraid to believe it, Brooke. Because it might all fade away." Brooke wiped away both their tears and leaned in and captured Sam's lips in an impassioned and very real kiss.

"Did that feel like a dream, Sam?" Sam shook her head in numb shock. "I'm not going anywhere, Sam," Brooke promised.

"But what if you change your mind?" Brooke sighed at Sam's question. "That'll kill me, Brooke, and if you're not sure I'd rather not start this at all," Sam pleaded desperately for Brooke to understand.

"I don't know what else to say to you, Sam, except that I want this. I want you and a chance with you and to see where it takes us. And I'm not going to change my mind, that much I know." Sam mulled over the words for a few minutes.

"Take the leap with me Sam, please?" Brooke asked after Sam still had said nothing. Sam looked into Brooke's eyes and could only see the honesty behind Brooke's words there. And love. Sam smiled.

"OK, lead the way," she said as she snuggled closer. Brooke welcomed her into her arms.

Lily slammed the door to her room and frantically searched for her Walkman. After locating it she tried to open her new cd. (Who the Hell invented CD wrap anyway?) she questioned as it stubbornly refused to open. (Oh, I hope there's a special place in Hell for the person who invented CD wrap) Finally succeeding in unwrapping the cd, Lily placed it in the Walkman and put track three on. She listened intently to the words as she repeatedly listened to the song.

(I can't stand to fly
I'm not that naïve
I'm just out to find
The better part of me

I'm more than a bird
I'm more than a plane
More than some pretty face beside a train
And it's not easy to be me

Wish I could cry
Fall upon my knees
Find a way to lie
About a home I'll never see

It may sound absurd
But don't be naïve
Even heroes have the right to bleed

I may be disturbed
But won't you concede
Even heroes have the right to dream
It's not easy to be me

Up, up and away
Away from me
Well, it's all right
You can all sleep sound tonight
I'm not crazy
Or anything

I can't stand to fly
I'm not that naïve
Men weren't meant to ride
With clouds between their knees

I'm only a man in a silly red sheet
Digging for kryptonite on this one-way street
Only a man in a funny red sheet
Looking for special things inside of me

Inside of me
Inside of me
Yeah inside of me
Inside of me

I'm only a man
In a funny red sheet
I'm only a man
Looking for a dream
I'm only a man
In a funny red sheet
And it's not easy
It's not easy to be me)

OK, so Nicole was no hero by anyone's definition or stretch of the imagination but somehow, Lily could see her point. Like Superman, Nicole was forced to play a part and sometimes just wanted out of it, for someone to see the person behind the persona. It couldn't be easy to be Nicole, with everyone either hating or fearing her. Hell, even a part of Lily was still suspicious of her even though Nic hadn't done anything but be nice lately. But because being nice was so out of character, Lily was automatically on guard. She chastized herself for that.

(So, what was up with that kiss?) she wondered as the song cycled through again. (Could Nic have feelings for me?) she laughed outloud at that thought. (Is anyone in town straight anymore? Of course, I've all ready lost Sam and could do a lot worse than Nicole Julian) Again she laughed outloud. (Did I just really think that? Worse than Satan herself? But lately Nic's been nothing like that bitch persona she fronts at school and I actually like her. I don't know if I LIKE like her but I did enjoy that kiss) she admitted.

She listened to the lyrics again. Turning them to fit Nicole like Nic had asked made Nic seem so vulnerable, human. Lily shook her head. (I am getting SO confused) She stood up off her bed and headed to the door, Walkman still firmly attached. (And if I want to stop being confused, I think I'd better go talk to Nicole)