Sacrifice of the Soul

Title: Sacrifice of the Soul

Author: Aeryn Sun

Dawn turned down the bed so that Willow could put Buffy down. They both removed her shoes and socks and then her jacket. Buffy was obliviously unconscious for this, only coming to enough to grab a hold of Willow again. Dawn watched as Willow sighed and sank down into the chair next to the bed, exhausted. Buffy's hand was tightly wrapped around her own.

"Think she'll sleep through the night?" Dawn asked, needing to talk to Willow and be reassured that both Willow and Buffy were really there. Willow nodded and then looked up at the younger girl.

"I hope so. Who knows? Can you do me a favor, Dawn?" Dawn walked closer and stood next to the bed, idly brushing some hair out of Buffy's face. She noticed with no small amount of joy and relief that Buffy's skin was warm to the touch and she could see her breathing.

"Anything Willow."

"Could you go downstairs and find some clothes for Buffy to wear tomorrow? These aren't bad for tonight but I doubt she's going to want to wear them home. I never thought to pack any of Buffy's clothes and I foolishly only packed one spare shirt and I can't wear this shirt home either. Ask Cordy if she has anything but make sure it isn't too, well Cordy." Dawn smiled.

"Sure thing, Will." She walked to the door but paused in the entry and looked back. Willow looked at her and waited. She knew Dawn wanted to say something, she was just unsure on how to. "You'll both be here when I get back, right?" Willow smiled warmly.

"Yeah, we'll both be right here. I promise." Dawn walked closer again.

"It's really her, isn't it?"

"Of course. I know my Buffy's and this is definitely ours. Yup, no doubt about it this is 100%, grade-A Buffy. No artificial flavors or fillers and oh cripes I'm babbling. I must be tired to babble that bad." Dawn just smiled.

"It's OK, Willow. Just checking." She walked halfway to the door again before rushing back to Willow and enveloping her in a fierce hug. "You have done so much or me tonight. I can never repay you for this." She hugged tighter, making Willow flinch from the pain in her side but Dawn didn't notice. "And I know how you feel about her, Willow. It's OK with me. Just give her a chance to return the feeling, OK?" Dawn whispered into Willow's ear, startling the tired Wicca. Dawn pulled away with a huge smile on her face at the fact that Willow was blushing ten shades of red and then she left the room. Willow thought about Dawn's words, Spike's cryptic one's the night before and then she remembered the Oracles' parting words. `Is `I-Love-Buffy' tattooed on my forehead or something? Everyone seems to know. Oh, well, I'll deal with it tomorrow'. After watching Buffy sleep for a few minutes, Willow nodded off.

She was awoken a short time later but Buffy's incoherent mumblings. Moving out of the chair to sit on the bed, Willow idly noticed that Dawn had returned with the clothes she'd requested and laid them out for her. Smiling at the teen's thoughtfulness, Willow reached out and brushed her hand across Buffy's forehead. Buffy's eyes suddenly opened, startling the poor Wicca. Turning on the bedside lamp for light, Willow looked down at her friend.

"Whoa, you scared me. How are you feeling?" she asked tiredly. Buffy smiled at her. It didn't matter that she was tired and sore because when Buffy smiled, nothing bothered Willow anymore.

"Alive," Buffy said seriously but there was a twinkle in her eye. "And coherent, all thanks to you." Willow rolled her eyes.

"I did what you would have done, that's all…I mean, you would have done it for me right…Well you don't have to…I was just wondering if you would…but there's no obligation to…plus I'm hopefully not going to die anytime soon…although you never know and…"

"Wow, Willow, disengage babble mode. Of course I'd do the same for you. Without a second thought." She pushed herself into a sitting position, ignoring Willow's objection to the movement. "Look, a lot of what happened there is really fuzzy and I can only recall small pieces right now but what I do remember is that you were there for me when I needed you. You brought me back and I owe you for that. I owe you my life. I'm alive right now because of you, Wills." Willow blushed furiously at the attention the blonde was giving her. Buffy sat closer and looked into Willow's eyes, willing her to understand. "I can never repay you for what you did for me but I will spend the rest of my life trying."

Buffy wrapped her arms around Willow and hugged her as tight as she dared. Willow tried not to wince at the pain the gesture caused but that nasty untreated cut was making its presence known. She had hoped that Buffy hadn't noticed the wince or the hiss of pain that leaked out from behind her lips but she had. Without letting go but loosening her hold a bit, Buffy turned her face so she could look into Willow's.

"Are you hurt?" Willow shook her head. Buffy watched her for a second, noting the overly pale complexion and pain lines around her friends' eyes. She then noticed that her hand had hit something mildly sticky on Willow's left side, beneath her jacket. Afraid of what it was, but all ready knowing, she withdrew her hand and stared in horror at the crimson liquid now staining her fingers.

"Oh, God, Willow," she turned a sickeningly green color, "I think I'm going to be sick." Willow helped her off the bed and into the adjacent bathroom. She held Buffy's hair behind her head and rubbed her back to soothe the retching girl. Finally, after Buffy collapsed exhausted to the floor, spent, they both leaned against the cool tub.

"Are you OK, Buff?" Buffy raised an eyebrow and opened one eye to look at the girl beside her. As usual, the Wicca had disregarded her own pain and discomfort for that of another. Buffy both loved her for it and hated her for it. Willow reached up, swallowing another wave of pain and dampened a washcloth, which she then placed on Buffy's forehead.

"Sorry, it's just, I saw the blood and then I remembered seeing you lying there on the ground dead from a vamp attack and, well, ick." She closed her eye and leaned back again. "How'd you get hurt? And why didn't you say anything?" She heard Willow sigh.

"It's just a scratch, Buffy. Don't worry about it." Buffy sat up in frustration.

"Damn it don't give me that crap, Rosenberg! You've been sitting in that chair since we got back, bleeding. That blood was fresh, Willow. Don't tell me it's nothing if you're still bleeding." Tears started to run down Buffy's face knowing that her friend who she cared so deeply for, nay loved, was sitting there in silent pain. Willow looked away, ashamed to have angered Buffy. Immediately upon seeing Willow look away, Buffy's anger faded and she was apologetic.

"Hey, I'm sorry, Wills. I just hate to see you in pain."

"S'okay," Willow said damply through her own tears. Buffy stood up and rummaged through the cabinet until she found the first aid kit and then sat back down. Willow watched mutely.

"Take off your jacket and shirt," Buffy ordered. Willow blushed and blinked at her several times. "I want to look at the wound, Willow, not paint your portrait. We've changed in front of each other for years and you've treated plenty of my wounds. After everything you've ever done for me, please let me do this for you. Let me take care of you, please." Willow managed to nod and moved to take off her jacket but the pain that lanced through her side caused her to stop with a whimper of pain. "Here," Buffy said gently, "let me help you."

Buffy carefully removed Willow's denim jacket, taking extra care not to jostle the injured girls' side too much. When that was done, she moved on to the ruined shirt. After deciding that it was pointless to try and life it over Willow's head, Buffy took out the scissors from the first aid kit and carefully cut the shirt away. It came off easy after that except for where it was stuck to the cut with dried blood.

"Oh, Willow. This should have gotten stitches." Buffy told her when she got a real good look at the laceration. Willow shook her head and ground her teeth together.

"No, it's fine." She hissed through the pain as Buffy tried to clean it and leaned her head onto Buffy's shoulder to rest. Buffy was astounded and disturbed by the gash. It was deep and obviously painful but Willow had said nothing. She didn't understand why. She also took a good look at the woman she secretly loved (did she really just think that?) and saw that more than the cut was making her look sick. There were dark circles under Willow's eyes and she looked like she'd lost weight, which was distrubing since Willow was thin to begin with. Buffy's heart went out to Willow and the pain the redhead must have experienced. Buffy didn't know what she'd do if she ever lost her rock, her Willow. And for the millionth time in her life, or more, she wished for the courage to say how she felt to Willow. But she couldn't get past her fear at this moment so for now she'd have to settle for just being friends.

"It's going to scar," she pointed out.

"There goes my career modeling bikinis," Willow joked weekly. Buffy snickered. "Besides, it's supposed to." Buffy frowned in confusion.

"OK, you're going to have to explain that one because I'm not fluent in `vague' or `cryptic'. I barely speak English."

"It's supposed to scar so that I never forget." Willow explained.

"Forget what?" Willow stared at Buffy for a moment, choosing her words carefully.

"What I almost lost," she finally said gently. Buffy stared at her for a moment before understanding crossed her face.

"Me?" Willow nodded in response.

"You. I almost lost you and they wanted me to remember that this is a second chance." Buffy finished wrapping the cut and simply gazed at Willow for a minute.

"OK, call me dense or blame it on being the `Slayer formerly known as dead' but I still don't get it. What exactly did you have to do to get me back?" she was almost afraid of the answer.

"It's a long story, Buffy." Willow told her, hoping to avoid a long drawn out explaination. She was just too tired to relive it tonight and she doubted she'd be ready to do so anytime soon.

"Are we going anywhere?" Buffy asked, getting slightly annoyed. She wanted to know why Willow was being so evasive and she really wanted to know how it was that she was sitting there now when she'd been dead a few hours earlier.

"No," Willow admitted reluctantly. `But one can hope,' she thought sarcastically.

"Then tell me." Willow sighed. She hated it when Buffy got so stubbornly persistant but honestly there was nothing she wouldn't tell Buffy if she came out and asked. Nothing.

"Fine. Long and short of it, I went and spoke to the Oracles. I pleaded my case as to why it was unfair that you were gone and why the Powers That Be should let you return. They agreed to let me try and bring you back so I went, found you and convinced you to return with me. They gave me this," and she gestured to her hurt side, "as a way of letting me know that there was a price to pay. It's Ok, Buffy. It was worth it."

Buffy looked at her for a couple of minutes obviously not convinced that Willow was telling her everything. Her stomach turned with the knowledge that Willow had been hurt trying to get her back. `She was injured because she cares for me,' Buffy thought to herself. `She suffered because of that and I can't change that,' she silently fumed, somehow mad at herself for an injury she felt she caused. `I owe her more than I can ever repay.' She knew Willow was holding something back but decided to let it go for now.

"Fine, if that's how you want to be right now, OK. But I want a full and unabridged version of this story in a day of two, understand?" Willow nodded. Buffy thought about what Willow had said and she knew that the Powers That Be didn't just return people from the dead out of the kindness of their hearts but she didn't understand why they'd hurt Willow for succeeding. `That doesn't sound fair'.

"OK," she agreed. She leaned back against the tub, reveling in the coolness of it. "I'm glad you're home Buffy," Willow told her quietly.

"I'm glad to be home, Willow. I have one last question, though," she heard Willow let out a deep sigh. She knew she was pushing but she couldn't help it. She needed to know.

"Buffy, I'm tired and you need to rest," she tried to deflect the coming question. She really was too tired and in too much pain to deal with `Inquisitive Buffy'.

"Please?" was the simple response. Willow reluctantly conceeded.

"Fine, ask, but I can't promise a coherent answer."

"Willow, why did you let them hurt you?"

"I didn't `let' anyone do anything, Buffy. I told you, this," she pointed to her newly wrapped side, "was payment. I know you, Buff. You're blaming yourself, well don't. I would gladly suffer this or something worse a thousand, no a million times over if it meant getting you back." `Better stop now before I start babbling and tell her how I really feel,' Willow thought to herself as she yawned. Buffy looked like she was about to start crying again.

"Oh, Will…" she started before tears stole her voice. Willow hugged her as tightly as her side would allow and tried to reassure her.

"It's OK, really. Let's just let it go for now and put you back to bed." Willow got up and walked back out into the room with Buffy and put the tired Slayer back in bed. Tiredness and her own pains were being to overcome the newly resurrected Slayer so she relented. After buttoning up her clean shirt Willow walked towards the door.

"Willow?" Buffy called out hesitantly from the bed. Willow stopped and turned back to her friend.

"Yeah?"

"Uhm…would you mind…you don't have to but…I don't want to be alone…" the sentence was finished with the barest of breaths. Willow's heart shattered into a million pieces at the lost quality to Buffy's voice. She walked back over to the bed and sat in the chair.

"You want me to stay? Sure, glad to." She reached up to turn the light off but Buffy stopped her.

"You can sleep with me," she blushed a bright shade of red at her words. "I mean, you don't have to sleep in the uncomfortable chair when there's plenty of room in the bed with me. Well, not `with' me but I'm small and you're small and it's a big bed and sleeping is good but sleeping in that chair is bad for your side and…" Willow let out a small laugh.

"Now who's babbling? Scoot over, Summers. And you'd better not hog the covers, either." Buffy put on her best `innocent face' but it only made Willow laugh harder which she instantly regretted when pain shot through her side. "Oh, laughing bad. No more laughing," she said, causing Buffy to laugh sympathetically. She had had more than her share of injuries so she knew exactly how Willow felt. She was just worried that Will didn't have the same healing abilities that she did and she'd never forgive herself if the cut got infected and Willow got sick.

"Tomorrow you let Giles take a look at that cut, OK?" she ordered through a massive yawn.

"OK," Willow answered sleepily. She reached up and turned off the light.

"I love you Willow," Buffy admitted a few minutes later, glad that Willow couldn't see her face in the dark. She heard Willow sigh but didn't know how to interpret it.

"I love you too, Buffy. Good night."

Buffy awoke the next morning to find Willow gone. After swallowing a momentary wave of panic, she swung her legs over the side of the bed and winced at the sudden pain that flared through her body. Apparently she was going to feel the after effects of her battle with Glory as well as whatever else happened while she was gone. `But pain means that I'm alive and today I'm going home. I can never repay Will for what's she's done. I wouldn't know where to start'. Muffling a groan of pain, she changed into the clothes layed out for her (obviously Cordelia's) and shuffled downstairs, grateful that she didn't take a header down over them. She was greeted by an exuberant Dawn.

"You're awake! You're awake and you're here and you're alive…"

"And I'm hungry. What's to eat, folks?" Buffy asked as Dawn guided her to a nearby chair. She was surprised at how weak she felt. Giles greeted her with a huge smile and he looked like he was about to cry.

"You're feeling better, I trust?" Buffy nodded at him while running her hand through Dawn's hair as she sat on the floor beside the chair next to Buffy.

"Tired and sore. Like I just went ten rounds with a psycho god bitch and lost. Other than that, peachy. Where's Willow?"

"Everyone else went out for breakfast, except for Angel who's sleeping," Giles answered, obviously ignoring her actual question. "No one thought you'd be up for breakfast out, so Dawn and I stayed here with you. I'll just go to the kitchen and get you something. Dawn, will you stay with her?" Dawn nodded.

"You bet," she told Giles' retreating back. Buffy gave Dawn the `what did I do' look and shrugged. "He's a little out of sorts," Dawn explained. "You'll have to forgive him. He wanted to do more to help Willow but Tara told him he couldn't." Buffy fixed her with her patented `Slayer stare'.

"Where's Willow?" she repeated, her voice letting Dawn know that she expected a straight answer. Dawn sighed. `Gotta love that wonderful Slayer single-mindedness.'

"Giles looked at that cut on her side. You did a good job of dressing it last night, I guess. She'll be fine but it'll leave a wicked scar." Buffy growled in frustration. `Why won't anyone give me a straight answer?'

"I know that but where did she go? I thought she'd be there when I woke up." Dawn sighed again. Sometimes she wondered how someone so powerful could be so clueless.

"She said she had some stuff she had to do before we left for home, stuff with Tara." Buffy felt a familiar and painful ache fill her chest at the reminder that Willow loved another. She curled her body up into the chair as much as her physical pain would allow. Dawn got up off the floor and sat on the side of the chair so she could face Buffy.

"With Tara, huh? Is everything OK because I don't remember seeing much of Tara here last night and I hope she's not mad at Willow for going after me." Dawn frowned as she watched her sister force down her feelings for the Wicca that she so obviously loved with all her heart. `Painfully, completely, utterly, pathetically clueless', Dawn said to herself with no small measure of exasperation.

"Buffy stop it, just stop it," Dawn demanded quietly. Buffy looked at her confused.

"What are you talking about?"

"I know how you feel about Willow. How you REALLY feel so stop pretending you don't."

"Huh? Sure, I care about Willow. She's my best friend and she just brought me back from death. I owe her my life and I care for her. I'm not pretending anything," Buffy said defensively.

"Yes you are. You're pretending that you don't love her and that her being out with Tara isn't tearing you up inside."

"I don't know what you're talking about," Buffy feigned, sweat beginning to form on her forehead as she panicked. `Does Dawn know how I feel? Does she know I'm in love with Willow?'

"Yes you do. You're in love with Willow, and I don't mean `I-care-for-you-best-friend-and-I'll-send-you-postcard-from-my-vacation' love. I'm talking about the `I'd-die-without-you-I-can't-breathe-without-you-I-never-want-to-be-without-you' kind of love." `How does she know?' Buffy asked herself as her panic level continued to rise. Dawn set her stare on Buffy firmly and Buffy saw no escape. She saw that Dawn did indeed see the depth of her feelings for Willow and she was frightened and relieved all at once. She ran a shaky hand through her blonde hair and looked back at her sister who was waiting patiently.

"I'm in love with Willow," she whispered, more to herself than to Dawn. Dawn raised and eyebrow and smiled.

"Well DUH!" she laughed. "About time you caught up with the rest of the class, Buffy. I was beginning to worry that you'd never catch on." Buffy shook her head.

"Doesn't matter, Dawn. She doesn't feel that way about me," she mentioned disappointedly. Dawn put her head in her hands and just sighed.

"So smart and yet so very STUPID!" Dawn yelled, jumping up from her seat and pacing in front of a surprised Buffy. "You really have NO idea what's going on around you, do you?" Buffy just watched her in mute silence. "Do you know where she is right now, Buffy? I mean, you know she's with Tara but do you know what she's doing?" A disgusted look flashed across Buffy's face as her mind dove into the gutter. `Don't go there, don't go there, please don't think about that,' she repeated to herself as she closed her eyes against her emotional pain. Dawn watched the reaction and immediately stopped her pacing and kneeled in front of her distraught sister.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean it like that. Look," the teen started gently. "Willow went through a lot when you…died…" she was almost unable to say the word, afraid that if she did, this would all be a dream and Buffy would fade away. After reassuring herself that Buffy was indeed real and not going anywhere, Dawn continued.

"She nearly followed you to the grave and I'm not saying that to be melodramatic. She wouldn't eat, couldn't sleep and shut everyone out of her life. Without you Buffy, she was lost. Totally lost. And I was afraid I was going to lose her too." Buffy was shocked to hear that her friend took her death so bad but at least it explained the ragged look Willow had now. `Could Willow really have been upset enough that she could have died?' Buffy shuttered at the thought.

"But why? We're just friends and she loves Tara," Buffy countered. Dawn shook her head.

"Look, it's really not my place to say this, it's Willow's. But she and Tara are over." Buffy's eyes widened in shock.

"Huh? Why? When? She didn't say…"

"I guess she told Tara that she didn't love her like she should have, that she loved someone else. I really shouldn't tell you this but if someone doesn't light a fire under both your asses then you really will lose each other forever. And then we'll all be screwed. That someone else she loves is you, Buff. Willow loves, is in love with you." Buffy shook her head violently.

"No she doesn't, she can't."

"Why not?"

"Because I don't deserve her," Buffy explained her voice barely above a whisper. Anguish and anger at her sister warred within Dawn. Anguish at the fact that Buffy so desperately loved Willow but didn't know how to act on it and anger that Buffy would deny herself and Willow the all encompassing love that they shared from being realized because she foolishly felt unworthy.

"It's not about deserving anything, Buffy. It's about love. You love her and she loves you. It really is that simple."

"Dawn, what exactly did Willow do to get me back?"

"I don't know for sure. Tara was the one who found out how to get to you. We needed to get these two crystals so we could contact some Oracles or something. These Oracles are different from the one's Angel knew and you could only contact them with the crystals. I guess Tara moved Heaven and Earth to get one from her friend and Giles thought he knew someone in England that had one and he got it shipped to us. We don't really know what Tara did to get hers and I don't think anyone really cares either. She promised Giles she didn't get her mojo on and that was enough for us."

"Tara helped get me back? But if what you're saying is true and Willow has got feelings for me then why would Tara help knowing that she might lose Willow?"

"She already lost Willow the second she met you. Tara knew when she started her relationship with Willow that you were the one who held Will's heart. But she wants Willow to be happy and if that means being with you, then that is what Tara was willing to do."

"How do you know so much?"

"I'm a teenager, Buffy, I know everything. Plus, they teach us reading and writing and easedropping at Sunnydale High. And I'm not as stupid as everyone likes to assume I am." Buffy hugged her sister.

"I never thought you were stupid." Dawn opened her mouth to protest but Buffy cut her off. "I may have said it in anger or said you were foolish but I didn't really mean it. Besides, you're my little sister, we share genes, you can't be stupid because I'm not." She joked. Dawn laughed.

"I'm so glad you're back, Buffy. I missed you so much," she said as she started to cry. Buffy shook her head and tried not to add her tears to Dawn's.

"Don't cry, kiddo. I'm here and I'm alive and I don't plan on going anywhere anytime soon. I think we've had enough tears to last us awhile, don't you?"

"Yeah," Dawn sniffed. She looked up as Giles came back into the room.

"I brought you some toast and tea. I'm afraid that Angel's kitchen is somewhat lacking in what you'd call the `creature comforts'. This was the best I could do."

"Well, what I really want is a big fat juicy steak and some onion rings. Oh, and a chocolate shake and maybe a baked potato with sour cream. Or or maybe some french fires with extra ketchup…" Buffy drooled.

"Yeah, that's our Buffy, all right. Right down to the ravenous appetite." Dawn quipped. Giles smiled at the younger girl but turned his attention to a more pressing matter.

"How are you dealing with this Buffy? Are you all right?" Buffy raised an eyebrow and then shrugged.

"I'm coping, if that's what you're asking. I don't remember a lot about being dead, I mean I remember jumping in the portal," she was looking at the floor and missed the way Dawn flinched at the memory. "And then nothing really except I was fighting with something over and over. It wasn't a demon or anything it was like I was fighting with myself, inside. I flashed to something I saw while I was gone when I saw the wound on Will's side. I think I must have been fighting vamps and saw her hurt or something. It's like a hazy dream you know?" she asked. Giles and Dawn agreed. "Anyway, that's all I remember about it until Will showed up. I vaguely remember talking to her and not believing she was real. But I guess she convinced me she was because I'm here, right?"

"Right, I would suppose so. Any other side effects other than physical pain?" Giles inquired.

"Nah," she answered reading the faces of the two before her. She knew what they were thinking. "I'm not going to become `Comatose Buffy' again, thanks. Once was enough."

"I believe catatonic would be a better description but I'm relieved either way," Giles told her.

"I mean, I am kind of wigged about the whole `dead' thing. Think about it, this time yesterday I was dead and now I'm not. I mean, wow." Dawn nodded and hugged her sister.

"Trust me, we're aware of where you were yesterday. And I have never been so happy to see anyone in my life," Dawn reassured her with another huge hug.

"Well, if you need anyone to talk to Buffy you know that I am here for you. I believe we all would be more than happy to help you readjust if necessary."

"Thanks Giles. It's good to be home, well, in L.A. Anywhere is better than dead."

"Yeah," Dawn agreed. "Although now I suppose I have to give back all the clothes I borrowed." She joked. Buffy was about to the comment when Tara and Willow entered the door. Buffy could see that both girls had been crying but other than that they seemed OK. Tara waved hello as she sat down on a nearby chair and Willow hovered in the door.

"Willow, Tara," Giles greeted them. "I trust breakfast was good?"

"Wasn't really hungry," Tara admitted. "But it was OK." She watched Willow shift nervously from foot to foot where she stood. Buffy cocked her head to the side and regarded Willow with a critical eye.

"You all right, Will? How's your side?" she asked genuinely concerned. Willow shrugged a shoulder and walked a little further into the room.

"It's fine. How're you?" Willow deflected the question. Buffy watched her for a few seconds more before she stood up and walked over. Willow seemed to shrink away from Buffy's approach and that left Buffy extremely confused. Willow had seemed fine last night and now she was acting funny, like Buffy had done something wrong. And poor Buffy didn't have a clue.

"What's up, Wills? Are you sure you're OK?" Willow took a few more steps backwards while nodding furiously.

"Fine, great, nothing's wrong. Why would you think anything was wrong? I mean you're here, you're alive and we have nothing to be afraid of because you're not going anywhere and I have to get my stuff so we can go home and I'll be upstairs and I'm going now," Willow babbled while taking off like a shot up the stairs. Buffy watched her dumbfounded. After Willow disappeared, Buffy turned back to the three other people in the room.

"What the Hell was that?" she demanded. She was met by three blank stares and matching shrugs. She turned to Tara. "What did you two talk about?"

"Um...noth…nothing really. Just you and the Oracles and me and Willow. She's afraid of something Buffy and I don't know what. I think you need to talk to her."

"Me?"

"Yes you. She's beside herself with joy and relief that you're back but she won't let herself relax. She's wound so tightly Buffy that I'm afraid she's going to snap soon. Please go talk to her," Tara pleaded but Buffy was all ready halfway up the stairs.

"I'll go," she called back down. "You guys get ready to go home. I think that'll be best for all of us." Tara, Dawn, and Giles all exchanged confused looks and started to pack up. They knew if anyone could get through to Willow, it was Buffy.

"Hey, Will?" Buffy called into the room they'd slept in as she went through the door. "You in here?" She heard a muffled reply come from the bathroom and sat down on the bed to wait. Every muscle in her body seemed to be screaming at her at different decibel levels and she wanted nothing more than to lie down for a nap but her concern for Willow's well being pushed all of that aside. If half of what Dawn had said about Willow's behavior after her death was true, she was really worried. She knew that the bond between them was deep but she never imagined that Willow would take losing her that hard. A part of her was elated to know Willow felt that strongly while another part was disturbed by it. Willow came out of the bathroom and stood silently at the window with her back to Buffy. Buffy observed her for several minutes before breaking the oppressive stillness.

"Will, did I do something wrong to make you act this way? Is it about yelling at you last night? Because if it is I'm sorry. I wasn't mad I was just worried. I don't like to see you hurt, physically or emotionally. Please tell me what's wrong," she was almost to the point of begging. She could tell by the rigid way Willow was holding herself that Tara was right. Willow was going to snap if someone didn't do something soon, and it wasn't going to be pretty when she did snap. Willow was the strongest person Buffy had ever known and it disturbed her to see the redhead so agitated.

"It's not you, Buffy. It's me," Willow said in a voice rich with unshed tears. Buffy got up off the bed and approached her best friend who had obviously suffered in her absence and who had gone above and beyond to bring her back. Inside, Buffy's spirit soared with the knowledge that Willow cared so deeply for her and still felt she needed her despite her own abilities as a Wicca.

"Why is it you?" she asked very gently, as she stood behind Willow, afraid to crowd the girl. Willow's shoulders started to shake.

"I can't…" she started. "I can't do this, Buffy. I can't." she whispered. Buffy closed the space between them and wrapped her arms around the distraught Wicca's waist.

"What can't you do, Willow? What is it?" Buffy beseeched her friend. She had to know why Willow was so upset.

"I can't lose you again. I can't go back as if everything is fine because it's not," Willow answered, her voice losing the whispered quality and becoming hard. She turned around to face Buffy and Buffy saw the fear and anger in Willow's eyes.

"You're mad at me for dying, aren't you?" Buffy asked, destroyed by the knowledge. She hung her head down so low that Willow couldn't see her face through her hair. Willow's emotions immediately changed from anger to guilt at the pain and agony in the voice of the woman she loved.

"No, no it's not that, Buffy. Please don't think that. What happened wasn't your fault, you did what you had to to protect Dawn and save the rest of us. I don't, I could never hold that against you." Buffy raised her head to look at Willow and the tears that were flowing down Buffy's cheeks saddened Willow.

"Then what is it?" she repeated just above a whisper. Willow sighed and bit her lip. `How do I tell her I love her and have her not think it's only because I lost her or something?' Willow wondered. "Easy, don't tell her,' the voice answered. She sighed again.

"I meant that losing you was so hard and I'm afraid that if it happens again that I won't be able to go on. I know that that sounds pathetically dependent or something but it's the way I feel."

"Is that what you're afraid of?"

"Mostly. I mean, Goddess, Buffy you were dead!" Willow's voice became a shout and she pulled away from Buffy. Buffy watched the suddenly mercurial emotions coming from the normally calm Willow with interest. She knew that on some level Willow was still grieving, even though she was standing right in front of her. Still confused, Buffy decided to try and see things from Willow's point of view. `What would I do, how would I act if Willow were to die?' she asked herself. She suppressed the shiver that tried to work its way up her spine at the mere thought. `I'd probably not take it as well as she did. Look how I acted when I lost Dawn to Glory,' Buffy reminded herself. `Didn't take that very well and Dawn was still alive. I'd feel lost, hopeless, worthless, powerless and any other `less' I could think of.' Finally she understood.

"You think it was your fault I died," Buffy said unbelievably. `How could Willow ever think that?' Willow's face was streaked with tears.

"I was so preoccupied with Tara and getting her mind back that I wasn't paying close enough attention. I KNEW there was someone up there with Dawn and I didn't act fast enough, didn't DO enough and you suffered because of it. You put your faith in me and I let you down!" Willow ranted the truth of how she felt finally breaking through the walls that she had meticulously built around herself. Buffy was speechless as she watched Willow's entire world crash down upon her. Now Buffy understood the fear and detachment Willow was presenting and she had to admit Willow had done a good job blaming herself. `She learned it from watching me,' Buffy told herself. `Self-incrimination is one of my specialties.'

"You think you let me down," she said more as a statement than as a question. Willow nodded and wrapped her arms around herself.

"I did. When you really needed me I let you down and you died. You lost your life, Dawn lost her sister and I lost the best friend I ever had because I wasn't good enough. I failed." Buffy walked over to her and enveloped her in a gentle but loving hug. She felt Willow's body stiffen at the embrace and her heart lurched.

"You could never let me down, Willow. You did your best. You got Tara back, you warned Spike that there was someone else there and helped him get up to Dawn. You can't blame yourself because something was out of your control." She felt Willow's body relax slightly as she spoke. "What is it you want me to say, Will? I don't hold it against you, if that's what you think. There's nothing to hold against you. You did everything right, it was the situation that was wrong." Willow's body began to shake as she started to cry in earnest for the first time since Buffy died. Soon her legs were unable to support her and Buffy had to help her to her knees. Willow buried her face against Buffy who held on as sobs rocked the other girls' frame.

"Please forgive me," Willow sobbed. Buffy's heart broke at the pain Willow was in. She stroked the hair away from Willow's forehead and kissed the top of her head gently.

"There is nothing to forgive, Willow. I love you, you're my best friend and I owe you much more than my life," she paused waiting for Willow to say something but she heard nothing but sobs. She sighed. "But if it's what you need to hear, Will, I forgive you." This comment ignited a fresh wave of tears from Willow and Buffy thought for a moment that she had said the wrong thing. Finally after several minutes she heard Willow's gentle voice.

"Thank you," Willow whispered with a voice hoarse from crying. She leaned heavily against Buffy. "I'm just so tired," she admitted with a cry-induced hiccup. Buffy nodded.

"Then rest. We're going home soon, to Sunnydale, home sweet Hell. Why don't we rest until then?" she felt Willow nod. It took a little effort but they managed to collapse on the bed a few minutes later and they both fell into an exhausted sleep.

The ride home to Sunnydale was made in relative silence with Dawn, Buffy and Willow riding with Giles while Tara went with Xander and Anya. Buffy felt bad for poor Tara, having to ride with Anya and her blunt way of putting things. She was probably unknowingly hurting Tara's feelings with comments about her breakup with Willow. Xander had all ready had to shush her twice at Angel's for her comments. Buffy idly wondered if Anya would ever catch on to `appropriate' conversation topics and `inappropriate' conversation topics. But then, Buffy suspected that Anya knew and understood a lot more than she let on. `You can't possibly live for over 1,000 years and still not have a clue, could you?'

She was broken from her musings as Willow's head stirred from its place on her lap. They had been awakened an hour or so after they'd fallen asleep and gotten in the car. Willow had immediately fallen asleep again and Buffy had pulled the girl closer so they both would be more comfortable. Giles and Dawn had said nothing from the front seat about it and Buffy was glad. She really didn't look forward to ever explaining her feelings towards Willow to Giles. Hell, she couldn't talk about them to Willow and the girl certainly had a right to know.

"Where are we?" Willow asked her, her voice full of sleep. Buffy smiled.

"Not far from home. Rest, I'll wake you when we get there. Besides, you need to rest, Xander and Anya are planning a huge victory celebration for when we get there."

"Ducky," Willow mumbled and then grimaced when she tried to shift position. Buffy was immediately concerned.

"You're side?" Willow nodded.

"Hurts," she hissed through clenched teeth. Buffy helped her sit up and they took a look at the wound. It was still bleeding and had soaked through the bandages Buffy had put on it before they left. Buffy sighed.

"I told you it needed stitches," she admonished. "When we get home I think you'd better see a doctor." She was rewarded with an odd smile. Buffy frowned. "What's so funny?"

"Could you see me explaining that one to the ER staff? `Uh, yeah, you see, my friend died a few weeks back and we found a way to bring her back and the beings that returned her gave me this as a sort of payment.' They'll send me to the loony bin. Thanks but no thanks. Besides, it'll be fine in a day or so." Buffy was unconvinced.

"You're just being stubborn," she pointed out. Willow nodded.

"Yup, mostly," she yawned. "But so are you. Anyway, I'm gonna go back to my nap now. You make a nice pillow, you know." She put her head back down and missed the deep blush Buffy displayed as she thought about being a human pillow for Willow. `I really like the thought of that.'

"Yup, that's me. Just call me `Willow Pillow'," she started to ramble. She was stopped from continuing when Willow raised her head and looked at her, eyebrow raised. Buffy shrugged.

"Take a nap, Buff. You need it too," Willow ordered. Buffy gave her a mock salute.

"Yes, ma'am, Willow ma'am," and she put her head back on the seat and let her mind drift. `I will tell you soon, Willow, just how deeply I love you. I swear it.'

The party was fun but it was soon obvious that the two guests of honor were too pooped to pop so good-nights were said and Xander and Anya headed back to his place for the first time in weeks and Giles decided to check his flat. He'd been neglecting his housekeeping duties and the group shuttered to think of the dust that must have accumulated in his absence. Tara had left shortly after arriving home but promised to come by and check on them in the morning. Buffy was sitting on one end of the couch trying to still the growing butterflies in her stomach. She wasn't going to wait any longer to tell Willow how she really felt. In the car on the ride home she'd had another nightmare involving Willow dying and she didn't want another moment pass without the truth being out there. `Oh, how X-Files of me.' She had to make sure Willow knew just in case the unthinkable happened (again) and to Hell with the consequences.

"Will, could we talk?" Buffy asked hestitantly after everyone had gone home. Dawn had gone upstairs to her room earlier and left the two older girls alone. Willow shrugged and flopped down on the couch with a loud fwump. She winced at the pain the action sent up her injured side.

"Sure. What's on your mind?" While Willow's voice sounded nonchalant, inside her emotions were swirling out of control. After her mental meltdown earlier, she was afraid that Buffy figured out how she felt and was repelled by it. She was scared that Buffy didn't want to be friends anymore. That would undoubtedly kill the young Wicca and she knew it. Buffy was her everything, her lifeline and reason for living and sure, maybe it wasn't healthy to feel that strongly about a person but she couldn't help it. If Buffy turned her away it would be far worse than losing her to death because it would be Buffy's choice. She was dimly aware that Buffy was speaking again.

"There's something that I swore to myself I was going to tell you. That I was going to say it and get it over with because neither of us can afford to go on living this way. We've been lying to ourselves, Will, and it has to stop. Before it destroys this friendship." `Oh, Goddess, she really is going to tell me she's disgusted by me and that she wants me to get out of her life! I'll die! Please don't Buffy, please', Willow begged internally. Her insides twisted painfully and a band constricted around her chest choking the air from her lungs. Buffy was oblivious to her friends' discomfort and impending panic because she was concentrating so hard on what it was she wanted to say and trying to fight her own panic and anxiety.

"Anyway, I'm just going to do it but stay with me, it isn't going to be easy."

"Oh, OK. Just say it, Buffy." Willow said around the rapidly growing lump in her throat. "Whatever it is I'm sure it's not as bad as you're making it sound."

"You might not think that after I'm done. OK, here goes." She took a deep cleansing breath and let go. "Do you remember that conversation we had months ago in the dorm? The one about soulmates and balance?" Willow thought for a moment and then nodded.

"Yeah, why?" `Not what I was expecting to hear, but OK. Maybe she's finally going to tell me who it was she had been talking about. Going to tell me who I finally lost her forever to.'

"I've been doing a lot of thinking about that conversation and how you reacted to it. You said some pretty wonderful things to me, you know that?"

"I only told you the truth. Any guy'd be lucky to have you." `Even if I wish it could be me. I swear that if anyone ever hurts you again I WILL beat them over the head with a shovel. Just because Riley escaped my wrath…'

"What if it wasn't a guy I was in love with?" Buffy asked with a shy smile. She couldn't wait to see the look on Willow's face. And Willow didn't disappoint. Buffy was sure if Willow's eyes bugged out any further that they'd land with a splat on the floor.

"WHAT?" Willow's voice was strained and about three octaves too high. She couldn't believe what she was hearing. `Could Buffy really have fallen for a woman? Who? Anya? Cordy? Someone from school or, could it, oh Goddess please, be me?'

"You heard me. What if it was a woman that I fell for? What would you say then?" The color seemed to drain from Willow's face for a minute before returning a moment later only few shades darker.

"Welcome to my side of the sandbox?" Willow joked weakly. Her head was spinning so fast she thought she was going to pass out and she was having difficulty stringing two thoughts together. "Seriously, I'd say the same thing. She'd be lucky to have you. But Buffy, you've never given any indication that you were anything but straight. Why the sudden change of heart?" she asked when she was finally able to speak. Buffy shrugged.

"It wasn't sudden. And maybe it was because I can't control who holds my heart and the other half of my soul. Maybe it was because I was so blind to what was right in front of me that I denied it for so long. Maybe I was afraid to lose the most important person in my life because I had a raging case of Slayer hormones but it turned out to be so much more. I don't know why, Will, I just know is. And this love is…" she paused, searching for the right words. "Overwhelming. Perfect. Whole and right and nothing can change that."

"Who?" Whereas Willow's voice was strained and high moments earlier, now it was scarcely above a whisper. So much was riding on that one question; her hopes, her fears and above all else her heart. But she had to know, regardless of who it was. Time seemed to stop as she waited for Buffy's answer. Buffy just smiled.

"Aren't you listening? Gee, for the smart one you sure are slow sometimes. I love you Willow Rosenberg, with all my heart and soul in a way that I have never loved anyone before. I can't change that but I'm not going to hide from it anymore either. You're my other half, my soulmate, Will. I know that with absolute certainty." Buffy told her with such conviction in her voice that Willow had no doubt that she was telling the truth. And with that realization, Willow's world spun off its axis. She saw colors swirl in front of her eyes and felt the couch beneath her list to the side. It was a few moments before she heard and interpreted Buffy's words of concern.

"Oh, my God, Willow, are you all right? You look like you're about to pass out. I didn't mean to upset you I just can't keep it inside anymore. You mean too much to me…"

"You love me…are in love with me…in like a head-over-heels type of love?" Willow interrupted, finally in charge of her faculties again. Buffy nodded.

"Yes, even in babble mode," she said with a smile. "Head-over-heels, ass-over-teakettle kind of love." Then she frowned at Willow's continuing silence. "Please don't hate me," she begged afraid that Willow would do just that. Willow reached out with a trembling hand and grasped Buffy's hand. She locked her fingers around Buffy's and brought both up to her face. She placed Buffy's hand against her cheek and nuzzled it softly. Buffy felt all her worry and fear melt away with that simple action. She knew without a doubt that Willow felt the same way. The love that was radiating from Willow's soft green eyes nearly took her breath away.

"I could never hate you, Buffy. I love you too much. I just…I didn't know what to say. Imagine that, me, the chronic babbler had nothing to say. I just never dreamed, never let myself hope that you might feel the same kind of love for me that I do for you. And then I lost you," tears sprang into Willow's eyes as she remembered the events of the past few weeks and the pain that accompanied it. Buffy reached up with her other hand and wiped the tears away as they fell. "And I thought I'd never get another chance to tell you, to share with you." Willow admitted. Another thought popped into her head. "You were trying to tell me that night in the dorm, weren't you?" Buffy nodded.

"In my own pathetic and vague sort of way, yeah, I was. I had realized before then that my feelings for you were more than friendly. But there was always something, or someone that just made it so the timing was never right. Angel, Parker, Oz, Tara, Riley, they all got in the way or some upcoming apocalyptic event was screwing with our lives. And I never told you when I had a calm moment for fear of driving you away. I need you in my life, Wills, more than you know. Be it as a friend or more…" they were both excited by the possibility of `more'. Buffy slid closer to Willow on the couch.

"Whatcha thinking?" Buffy asked after Willow closed her eyes and was silent a little longer. She slid an arm around Willow's shoulders.

"That I could die happy knowing that you love me." Buffy frowned.

"No Way, Wills. I'm not letting you go anytime soon. Besides, I've had enough adventures in death to last me, well, a lifetime."

"You're right. I'm sorry. I guess then that I am at last content. Finally contented and happy." Willow told her honestly. She let out a long sigh and put her head on the back of the couch. Buffy smiled at the display and couldn't resist poking a little fun. She just wanted to hear Willow's voice again and be reassured that this was real and not a dream or nightmare.

"Was I that boring, Will?" Buffy joked while reaching out to twirl a piece of Willow's hair around her finger. She finally felt free from everything that was weighing her down. She knew that tomorrow she'd have to deal with new problems, new ordeals that would be difficult but she also knew that with Willow by her side and with Willow's love she would face it all. `Besides, that's tomorrow, this was now.'

"Never, Buffy. There is no such thing as a boring moment with you around. Not that that's a bad thing or anything because it doesn't always mean something bad. It could mean something good and usually does especially when you're involved," Willow babbled. Buffy sat back and watched. "I just meant that you always bring something new and fresh to my life, to all of our lives and it's what I love about you. Well, it's one of the things but it's not the only thing because there is so much to love about you and please have mercy and stop my babbling…" Buffy laughed and then did the only thing she could do to stop Willow's mouth from rambling. Something she had wanted to do for a very long time. She kissed her gently and when she felt Willow relax into her, she felt everything fall into place.

Everything starting from the day she first met Merrick and was sent on the wild path to her destiny as the Slayer was meant to bring her to Willow. She knew that now, unequivocally. And it made everything along the way worth it.

"Oh, wow that was…" Willow started after they broke apart. She saw the dazed look in Buffy's eyes and was sure that the same look was mirrored in her own.

"Good…" Buffy finished for her in the same whispered tone. She ran a finger over her lips, which were still tingling from the warmth of Willow's lips. They sat there like that for several minutes, just looking at each other. Buffy eventually looked away as a nagging thought continued to bother her. Willow leaned in closer to catch her eye.

"You're OK with this, right? You don't regret what we just said or did, do you?" her voice got progressively smaller as she spoke and Buffy snapped her head back up in surprise. She cupped Willow's face in her hands and stared at her intently hoping she'd understand.

"What? Oh, never, Willow. Please don't think I could ever regret loving you or letting you know it's just…" she trailed off.

"Are you afraid of what Dawn or our friends are going to think? Because I think you should know that Dawn knew how we felt before we did," she said with a laugh. Buffy joined her.

"Yeah, I know. She told me. I think her exact words were `someone's gotta light a fire under both your asses' or something of the sort. That's not it because even if she didn't know, I wouldn't care if I had her or anyone else's approval. All I care about it you." Willow blushed at the love behind the words.

"Then what is it then? You know you can tell me anything."

"It's just…" she sighed. "You deserve so much, Willow. You deserve everything. But I can't promise you everything. I can't promise you the stars or anything. I swear I would if I could but I can't. Hell, I can barely promise you tomorrow. In my line of work, everyday is a gift that can be taken at anytime. I think recent events proved that. I want to give you everything but all I have is me." Buffy finally admitted. Her deepest fear being that she wouldn't be enough for Willow and that one-day she would lose her. She couldn't promise not to die, it'd already been proven that she could die and probably would again. Only next time, chances were she wouldn't be coming back.

Willow wiped the tears off of her face and then the ones that had rolled down Buffy's face as she spoke. She had never heard anything so sweet and loving come from anyone. And she certainly never heard the level of vulnerability she was hearing come from Buffy. She was deeply touched that Buffy was being so open and honest with her and wanted nothing more than to allay her love's fears.

"That's all I ask, Buff. I don't want the stars, the moon, the sun or any of that. It's all icing, an added bonus to having you." She continued to stroke Buffy's cheek. "This may sound cheesy, but, you are my sun, my moon and my guiding star. You have been since we met. Don't be upset that you think you have nothing to offer me. You are all I want." Buffy started to cry in earnest, the relief was that strong. She had no doubt that Willow meant every word she said.

"Thank you, Willow."

"No problem, it's only the truth. Look, I don't know what's going to happen tomorrow any more than you do. But now that we both know how we feel about each other, I'm ready to face whatever comes our way. I can face it knowing you love me and I will never have any regrets about any of it. Ever."

"Me either," Buffy agreed. Willow stared at her for a few minutes. Or rather, she stared at Buffy's lips, remembering how soft and warm they felt against her own. Buffy knew what she was thinking and smiled.

"Hey, Buffy, you know that kiss we shared a few minutes ago?" Willow asked quietly. Buffy's smile grew wider.

"Yeah," she drawled, trying to sound sultry. To her own ears, she sounded silly, but the smile on Willow's face told her that she didn't.

"Could we…" Willow started to ask. Buffy started to nod.

"Do that again? Yeah, sure, you betcha," Buffy answered as she moved in for another kiss. While the first kiss had been gentle, curious, this one was positively electric. Energy seemed to course through and between the two and flowed to every cell in their bodies. It infused them with a part of the other and it was in that moment that their two souls touched. Two half-souls that had been searching for their mates throughout time connected and were finally made whole.

Buffy and Willow were oblivious to these little facts for now, content to simply be in the moment together. Whatever happened in the past, whatever might happen in the future didn't matter. Only this moment in time did. And they were more than willing to embrace this particular moment and each other.

Unnoticed to either of them, a figure sat silently on the stairs watching them. She'd only been there for a few minutes but long enough to know that everything was finally as it should be.

"Yes," Dawn said to herself while smiling so wide she thought her face would split in two. She stood up and quietly went back to her room. She knew her sister was alive and happy at last and that was all Dawn needed to know.

::::Bwha ha ha ha ha...it's finally done! My first full length Buffy fic! It only took me from June 25th to now (July 4th) to finish. It's a minute before midnight EST as I write this and I am EXHAUSTED! But I'm proud of the finished product and hope you like it.-Aeryn::::walking away happy to refill her sippy cup::::