Moment by Moment

Title: Moment by Moment

Author: Aeryn Sun

Feedback: Yes, please

Archiving: Ask, and ye shall receive. Just ask first.

Rating: NC-17 for later chapters. Trust me, this would make some porn producers blush.

Spoilers: Eh, pretty much any episode although I kill canon by ignoring that whole last few episodes. Sue me, like I care.

Series/Universe: None

Summary: Brooke's point of view on the changes in her and Sam's life lately.

Couple: Sam/Nicole…to start...Sam/Brooke eventually

Warning: If the idea of two women involved in a romantic relationship together disturbs you, run, run far far away and never look back. If it's illegal where you live, move quickly. If you're under the legal age, age quicker, it's fun here. Other than that, enter at your own risk, and enjoy.

Author's Notes: No one ever reads this stuff so, nanu nanu.

Disclaimer: Not mine. Never were. Still aren't, never will be. I own Carly Pope though. And I have NO intention of sharing. ;-) EVER!

WARNING: Graphic coarse language, deals briefly with the subject of rape, graphic, detailed sex scenes. If it's not your thing, DON'T READ.

OK, fair warning: Not my usual style. Language is really rough and crude at some points and when we get to the sex, it's graphic. I've rated it NC-17 for those reasons.

Also, deals a little withe the subject of rape. Juat want to make sure my disclaimers are all out there.

At any rate...

Here we go again. Once you PopSlash, you can't stop.

1. AWAKENING

I don't know why I didn't see it coming.

I should have known that she was going to leave her chewed up and spat out on the side of the road like so many other pieces of road-kill left in her self-important, arrogant wake. But I didn't want to see that possibility. I just wanted to see them both happy.

I should have known that with a harpy like Nicole Julian, `happy' is a four-letter word.

Now she's all messed up and it's all Nic's fault and what really gets me is that Nicole doesn't even care. She's PROUD of the number she's done on her. Proud of the destruction and pain she's wreaked. Like it was some sort of some sick contest to see who could break her first. And damn her, Nicole just HAD to win.

Poor Sam. She's the one suffering in all this.

I barely see much of her anymore. She hardly ever comes out of her room, even to eat dinner with me and the parentals. She only goes to school because Mom forces her to, but I know it's hard for Sam to face her tormentor day in and day out. Knowing that Nicole mocks her not only behind her back but to her face as well has got to be killing Sam, being as strong and proud as she is.

I've tried to reach out to her, get her to talk to me about what's going on in that beautiful head of hers, behind the pain so clearly etched in those deep brown eyes but, apparently I'm guilty by association. Because Nicole was my friend, my `responsibility', this whole mess is somewhat my fault as well. Even despite the fact that I've publicly spurned Nicole and her friendship, Sam directs some of her anger at me.

And that hurts…more than I dare let on.

God, I feel like I'm getting ahead of myself. Maybe I should backtrack to when this all started to go to Hell on the express train.

Sam, beautiful sweet Sam dropped the bombshell on the family one night at dinner. Granted, her `coming out' wasn't THAT huge a shock to me. After all, I am her age, live across a bathroom with her, go to the same school and basically can't avoid her even if I wanted to. Which, by the way, in case you miss the obvious, I don't. I have been acutely aware of all things `Sam' for some time now. Her smile, her eyes (specifically the way they light up when she's happy), her scent (slightly vanilla with a hint of something unique), her curves, her…everything; are ingrained into my brain like a much needed pattern. Her presence comforts me in some integral way. Like, I didn't know that she was missing from my life until she was in it.

Am I making ANY sense here? Doubtfully. Then again, I'm blonde so I'm allowed pseudo-deep moments like these.

Anyway, Sam announced that she was gay, which to me was fine although I'd been sitting on my bisexuality for a while. I saw no reason to further rock the boat at that moment in time. My Dad seemed to take it better than Mom did though. Jane looked like she might be having difficulty breathing so we had to check on her. She was OK, just in shock. I guess she'd never noticed anything amiss in Sam's life that would have given her any indication. It's somewhat disturbing that my father was more observant towards this than she was. I mean, we're talking about a teenage girl whose bedroom walls are covered with women, mostly. Melissa Etheridge, Selma Blair, Catherine Zeta-Jones, Jodie Foster, Claudia Black, Gillian Anderson, Brooke Burke, Shania Twain, Xena…Hello? Reality check, Mom. The only non-female posters on Sam's walls had to do with Radiohead and Dashboard Confessional.

Even I'm more subtle than Sam. (If you overlook that giant Bring it On poster over my bed…*cough*)

There were some tears shed and then Jane went to bed early. Sam looked a little lost but I assured her that Mom'd be OK in the morning. She seemed to feel better after that. We talked for a long time that night and I fell asleep in Sam's room, along side her on the bed. I'm not ashamed or embarrassed to say it was one of the best night's sleep I'd had in a long time. And it let Sam know that our recent bonding as step-sisters to be wasn't at all affected by her announcement.

In fact, I was feeling hopeful.

Maybe it was wrong of me but I was kind of hoping to slowly approach Sam about the way I felt for her. Test the waters as it were. Only, she jumped in with both feet and I ended up alone in the boat.

I swear, Nicole made a beeline for Sam like a lion going for a steak dipped in A1 sauce the second Sam told her friends at school and word got out about her sexuality. I'd known about Nicole's somewhat casual sexuality for a while, having pretty much had to beat her off with my pom poms on more than one occasion. She's not so much bisexual as `all' sexual. (Trust me, there's a difference) `If it looks good and feels good, do it', is her personal motto. And let's face it, Sam LOOKS good. No doubt about that.

So, she made a beeline for Sam. Do not pass `go'; do not collect $200. She made no stops in between. Honest, I've never seen Nic move that fast unless it's at a half-off sale at Prada. But Sam's no fool. She didn't just buy into Nicole's act. Nic had to fight to get her attention. Beg forgiveness, buy her things, apologize in public to Lily, Carmen, and Harrison for the things she'd done. Sam put her through the wringer before date 1. I wasn't even sure that Sam as ever even going to go out with Nicole. I prayed that she wouldn't but…she caved. Of course, I think after 2 months of constantly being inundated by someone I'd cave too. Or call the police to report a stalker.

It was so sweet. Sam actually asked MY permission to date Nicole.

"She's your friend first and if it's going to make things awkward for you, or us then I'd rather not," she'd said. And I know that if I'd asked her not to, she would have said `no' to Nicole.

But damn me and my concern for Sam's happiness instead of my own.

"What do you want, Sam?" I'd asked her. She'd smiled shyly and blushed. It was heartbreakingly adorable.

"To try. I kinda wanna see what happens. Nicole seems so different," she sighed. And I gave her my `permission' to try to find her own happiness. It won me a huge hug at the time but in hindsight I should have KNOWN Nicole was going to rip her to shreds like the aforementioned lion and steak.

They started dating and at first it seemed all right. Granted, I was unhappy but Sam seemed genuinely pleased with her relationship. Nicole seemed almost bearable in her bitchiness and things settled into a somewhat livable pattern. Nicole would pick Sam up for a date; I'd sit at home and worry and wonder until Sam got home; then Sam would tell me all the (slightly) edited details until we fell asleep. We were spending a lot more time in each other's rooms and lives now that she was dating Nicole. She'd be at cheerleading practice, which I liked and sometimes, when I figured no one was paying attention, I'd show off for her.

But someone was noticing and Nicole was pissed. She knew about my sexuality and was determined to get the `better' of me where Sam was concerned. I don't know if it was her plan all along but if I ever find out the truth I swear to God, I will rip her face off.

Sam suddenly started pulling away from me slightly and I knew Nicole was the reason why. Plus, Sam can't seem to lie very well to me anymore so when I asked her, she confessed that Nicole was jealous of our relationship. I tried to get across to Sam that she could have both, her friendship with me and her relationship with Nicole but Nicole was pulling her in the opposite direction. She didn't know what end was up. I saw that it was getting harder and harder for her to figure out so I pulled back a bit to give her some room. And that was my biggest mistake. It left Sam too open and vulnerable and Nicole moved in for the kill.

Ever notice how most of my `Nicole analogies' are animal based? I bet you a year's allowance her birth family were barracudas.

Anyway, to my great horror, she took Sam on a weekend trip. The longest weekend of my life and one I will always regret. I knew what Nicole's plans were and I tried to warn Sam. Sam's always been…skittish about sex. It really means something to her to lose her virginity to someone that means a lot to her. And I knew that Nicole was NOT that someone. I begged her to carefully consider any decisions that she would be making over the weekend and she promised me she would. When she walked through that door Sunday night, I knew Nicole had gotten what she wanted. And I knew Sam hadn't. I just wondered what Nicole was going to do next.

2. THE FALL

I should have been better prepared.

Granted, in my own defense, even in my worst nightmares I couldn't have seen what was coming but, damn it, I should have known Nicole was up to SOMETHING. She'd had that maniacal gleam in her eyes all freaking day and it was making my skin crawl.

Note to self: never keep a best friend who reminds you of a serial killer on acid.

In front of a cafeteria full of onlookers, at the height of the lunch rush, Nicole blew Sam out of the water.

"I've got sad news for you, Spam," she sneered and my heart dropped. I wanted desperately to stop Nicole from talking but was too far away. All I could do was listen in the same sense of fear and dread as I imagine Sam was.

"You mean nothing to me. You were just a challenge, a game to play. You were a fun fuck, hon. And not a very good one at that," Nicole laughed as snickers started to rumble through the room. "I've had better. Honestly, I've done better solo with just these," she flashed her expensively manicured fingers at Sam who was by now painfully red in the face.

I just wanted to rush over and envelop her in my arms and protect her from the pain Nicole was gleefully inflicting. Keep the evil words from ever reaching those delicate ears. Or perhaps bash Nicole over the head with a lunch tray, whichever was more convenient. But I'm struck at that moment by my absolute powerlessness. And I think that hurts almost more than anything else.

"But…" Sam managed to choke out, stunned as she was by Nicole's admission. Nicole, who I truly believe now to be some sort of Satan spawn, simply waved her off with one hand.

"You're not listening, McQueerson," she snickered at her own bad joke. "I PLAYED you and you fell for it. You're so desperate for any sort of affection that you jumped at the chance to be with someone, anyone even if it was someone who used to be your worst enemy. I fucked you over royally, kid. Figuratively and literally. Welcome to the real world." Nicole smiled a sick, cruel smile then and leaned in closer to poor stunned Sammy.

"How does it feel to know that the first person to ever touch you, make you pant and moan, HATED you from the get go? USED you for amusement and a quick fuck? It was all a game, Sam. And you lose."

Sammy, proud, stubborn Sam who was red in the face and mortified, refused to let Nicole see how badly she was hurt by those words. The tears threatened to fall but only hovered at the edge of her dark lashes as she looked at Nicole in both utter hurt and complete rage. Then, without a sound, Sam fled the room with one hand over her mouth, trying not to be sick in front of the school's populace as the words struck home.

I was sick too as Nicole laughed, I mean LAUGHED at Sam's retreating form. She had truly amused herself with her little game.

"Run, Sammy!" she called mockingly after Sam. "See how far you have to run to find your self-worth!" she giggled. She then looked at her audience, still watching her with rapt attention.

"Now that, boys and girls, was more than worth the work it took me to get her," she smirked, making my stomach flip-flop even more.

"Why?" I heard myself ask. Nicole spun on me like a dervish on crack.

"Ah, Brookie, to teach the little freak a lesson," she said simply. "Don't you get it?" At my numb shake of the head, Nicole sighed.

"Sometimes, B, you're as clueless as she is," she accused. I felt my anger overtaking my shock. "First off, she needed to learn her place in the scheme of things. She will ALWAYS be less than us, Brooke. She needs to know that. WE can have her or make her do whatever WE want whenever we want because of WHO we are."

Is it just me or was Nicole coming across as insane?

"And second, I'm not blind, hon. Sam is fiiiine. I wanted a piece of that so I got it. I saw something I wanted and I took it."

She was making her sound like a sweater on sale at Saks.

"First taste too, lucky me," she licked her fingers in a grotesque fashion to illustrate her point.

My fist connected with Nicole's face before I knew I'd thrown the punch. My next two punches were hard hits to her body as she doubled over. I later lied and said I didn't remember doing it, but I did. Clearly.

This may sound sick, but it was a delicious feeling to inflict that pain on her like that, in front of a room full of our peers. A tit for a tat, I guess.

I saw her lying there, the room shock silent and still and I was proud. I defended Sammy in some way when she couldn't do so for herself. It's one of my proudest moments.

"Bitch," came out of my mouth in more of a growl than any recognizable form of my voice. "You did that to get at ME and we both know it." Nicole smiled through her bloody nose and STILL managed to look superior. Smug bitch.

"Hell yeah," she wheezed. "I win."

My rage was hot and red and I swear I wanted to kill her. If not for the 300 plus witnesses, I might have. Instead, I gave her one last heartfelt kick and ran after Sammy.

It wasn't hard to find her, following her sobs down the hall into the Novak. They were more wails than sobs, really. Banshee wails that still haunt me now, a few weeks later. I've never heard such cries of suffering coming from anyone in my life. I pray to never hear them again, especially from Sam.

"Sam, are you all right?" I asked softly. I knew it was a stupid question the second it left my lips.

She looked up at me from her place on the floor in front of one of the toilets, flushing the evidence that she'd been physically ill from sight and glaring at me. Her eyes red and puffy, tears streaming down her face in rivers and soaking her shirt collar as they ran down her neck. Those deep brown pools, so often in the recent past lit up in mischief and delight were now a picture of open devastation and raw anger. It blew me back a few steps.

"Am I all right? Are you fucking insane, Brooke?" she screeched, her voice raw and scratchy from crying.

"Sam, I…I…"

What does one say to that?

Ever notice my habit of stammering when I could REALLY use my verbal skills? Some captain of the debate team I am.

She stood up and started to pace wildly, making me nervous in her excited energy.

"A `fun fuck'? A FUN FUCK! She USED ME! TOOK what she wanted and now I'm yesterday's news. To hell with anything I might feel. She never felt shit. Just strung me along until she could get into my pants and now, `see ya later, Sam'." I let her rant, hoping it would help.

She paced around the room, finally stopping at the mirror where she stared at herself for several long awkward minutes. I didn't know what to say. Plus I knew anything I could say would only set her off again. So I watched her stare at herself with such a powerful look of self-loathing that it broke my heart. She hated herself in that moment and that's something I never wanted Sammy to feel. I'm familiar with that place and I don't want Sam knowing that darkness.

"I let her," she whispered, hanging her head. "I GAVE it to her…" She looked back at her reflection; the red eyes, the wild hair, the look of absolute defeat looking back at her.

"I didn't want to…but I LET HER!" She punched at the mirror, shattering it into millions of pieces, making me jump, and splitting open her hand.

"Aw, Sammy…" I sighed, hating to see her in more pain.

She suddenly turned to face me and I swear her eyes almost seemed to glow red.

"I bet you were in on the whole fucking thing," she hissed and my stomach clenched as I realized she was going to blame me. I had given her my `permission' to date Nicole. That was bound to make me look guilty.

"Sam, no, I…"

"LIAR!" she screamed, making me flinch and cower somewhat. Being the sole recipient of that much rage is frightening. This was not my sweet Sammy and I couldn't blame her in the slightest.

"You helped put her up to this. All you've ever cared about is making sure that `I got mine'. Well, I hope you're happy, McQueen. I'm broken. Game over, you win."

"Sam…" I tried to protest. She let out a short bark of a laugh that sent chills down my spine.

"All that time…all those talks with me. I thought we had gotten closer. I thought we HAD something really special, Brooke. I thought maybe, if this didn't work…maybe you…aw shit…you PLAYED me better than SHE did. Fucker! I HATE YOU!" She shoved me roughly into the door of a nearby stall, bruising my back. The grip she had on my upper arms was painful but I knew that it wasn't Sam reacting this way. It was what Nicole had done to her.

I didn't fight back, willing somewhat to take whatever punishment she wanted to dish out if it made her feel better. But she only stared at me intensely for a few minutes. I could feel the blood from her cuts seeping through my shirt and I wanted to help her but I daren't speak. Then she released me with a growl, jerked open the door and fled faster than I could follow. Besides, my feet were rooted to the floor by shock and my own pain.

3. REALIZATION

And that, is the day that my life fell apart.

I lost Sam. That's the most important thing. She can't tolerate my presence.

But along with that, my popularity has suffered because Nicole has warred a smear campaign against me, using my somewhat ambiguous sexuality status against me. And honestly, I wouldn't give a rat's ass about all that, if she wasn't still using Sam as a weapon.

You see, since my defense of Sam that day, rumors have started (begun, no doubt by none other than Ms Julian) that there was something going on between Sam and I. Nicole has spread this tale that she found out about it and THAT'S why she did what she did to Sam. Now Sam and I are looking like the bad guys, the adulterer and the seductress, as it were, and Nicole is somehow ending up looking like the wronged victim. Doesn't help that I got a 3-day suspension and a stint in therapy for my `violent outburst'. Fuck `violent outburst'; bitch is lucky I didn't have a sharp object. Let me SHOW you `violent outburst'.

Did I take those stupid meds this morning?

Sam's friends have been no help. Remind me NOT to call them in a crisis. Lily's off crusading to save whatever pathetic little forest animal she thinks needs saving this week while Josh, driftwood Josh, follows her around like a demented puppy. (Did he follow ME like that? Scary) Carmen is busy obsessing about…something. Whether it's about if people think SHE'S gay, or her weight, cheerleading, or her mother or whatnot, she hasn't been there for Sam. And Harrison? What an ass. He gives new meaning to the words `idiot homophobe'. With Sam and Nicole `out', he was getting antsy, given that he was still having issues about his mother being a lesbian. Now that questions are floating around about MY sexuality, he's carrying around Lysol and plastic gloves, apparently afraid of `gay germs' or something as equally insane and impossible.

Sometimes I think that boy is a few french fries short of a Happy Meal.

A few tacos short of a combo plate?

Oh, I'm wandering.

Anyway, naturally, the parentals found out about EVERYTHING. And yes, somehow it still managed to be MY fault because I should have `kept a better reign' on Nicole. You know, I feel guilty enough over what happened but does the girl LOOK like a Clydesdale to you? I don't need any more guilt. I have enough of my own.

But I've gotten off track, this is about Sam.

Her hand needed stitches and stubborn ass that she is, she refused to go see a doctor for so long that it got infected. She was kind of sick for a bit and COULDN'T go to school. Now she WON'T go.

She's a hermit now. Barely speaks to anyone, let alone me. She dropped out of the school newspaper, left the track team, and never hangs out with her friends. It's like she lost faith in EVERYONE because of this. She doesn't even play with little Mackenzie and that's just sad because Mac's just a baby. She has no malicious intent towards Sam. Hell, the words `malicious intent' only sound like gobbalty gook to the tyke. She only knows that Sam's her sister and that she loves her and wants to play with her. But Sam hardly leaves her room. It's a fight to get her to leave her room every morning to go to school. She barely eats and when she does, it's not at dinner with us. I should say, `not at dinner with me' because I'm the one she's obviously avoiding.

She's gotten rail thin and she was small to start with. Of anyone, I think I should know what's dangerous when it comes to weight and she's starting to wander into that area. Her face is too thin; her cheekbones jut out at odd angles; there are deep wells of dark purple and grey under her eyes. Her hair, that I usually would have called luxurious and gleaming is dull and kind of ratty looking. In a word, she looks like shit.

Every time I approach her, to apologize, to talk or whatever, the outburst I get from her gets increasingly loud and nearly violent. Nicole really did a number on her and I don't know how to reach her.

And yet, despite my repeated failures…I can't stop trying.

4. THE BATTLE

She's had the same song on repeat on her CD player for the past hour and a half. It's a good song, `Bother' by Corey Taylor from the `Spider-Man' soundtrack. But honestly, ninety minutes of it is enough to drive even a saint to pull out their hair and hit themselves over the head with a rubber mallet.

Bracing myself for yet another fight, I walk across our shared bathroom and try her door. To my utter surprise, it's unlocked. That's odd, given her perpetual hatred of me. She hasn't let me NEAR her room in ages. She must have recently taken a shower and forgot to lock it.

I knock, loudly as to be heard over the music, before I open the door.

Sam's a mess and her room reflects that fact. Her posters are in shreds, some still hanging by little pieces of Scotch tape on the walls. Her corkboard is a disturbing collage of pictures of Nicole, all skewered with tacks and covered in red ink. Actually, it gives me a perverse sense of joy to see her taking her anger out on the true source of her anguish, however vicariously.

"Go away, bitch," she hisses at me from her desk where she's drafting what is no doubt yet another scathing letter to Nicole. A letter that Nicole will photocopy and post throughout the school to further mock poor Sam. It's sick, really; the way Nicole gets off on hurting Sam the way she does.

I turn off the CD player and lean against the wall, taking a relaxed stance rather than my usual `begging for forgiveness for something I didn't do' posture. I feel like a change is needed.

"I have a name you know," I say calmly. "And oddly enough, it isn't `bitch'." She snorts at me.

"Yeah, well mine's not `dyke', `carpet-muncher', `cunt', `whore', `lesbo', `muff-diver', or `pussy-licker' either. But no one seems to remember that," she points out bitterly. And that's just a small sample of the names that have been flying at her these past few weeks.

It's a strange duality. While she was dating Nicole, no one cared what her sexuality was. Sure there was a small bit of `Oh my God, did you hear?' that went around the school but it was considered Sam and Nicole's business. Besides, this is California and if you can honestly say you don't know at least one gay person, you obviously JUST got here.

But now that Nicole's true motivation has been revealed and she's done her spin control for herself and against Sam and I, suddenly, Sam (and somewhat by extension me) is the absolute bane of the existence of Kennedy High. Hell, I think April Tuna and Emory Dick are more popular than Sam is right now. And that frightens me.

(The fact that I just used `April Tuna', `Emory Dick', and `popular' in a positive sense, alarms me as well)

Then again, it occurs to me just now that this double standard that works against Sam and I is probably the same double standard that lets the guys check out each other's packages in the locker room after football games and like, that's OK, because, guys DO that.

Whatever.

It's still unfair.

"Sam," I start patiently. "We really need to talk." Her glare, somehow, gets impossibly hotter.

"What do you and I possibly have to talk about?" she sneers. Her tone of voice is not unlike nails on a chalkboard to my ears and makes me cringe. Sam's voice is usually so sweet and low. This one just sucks.

"Oh, I know…how about how you helped Nicole use me?" she suggests. Before I can interrupt to differ, she keeps going.

"You do realize, Brooke," she emphasizes my name in such a way that I like the sound of `bitch' better. "That what she did to me was one step away from rape?" God, just the sound of that word makes me want to revisit the bacon and eggs I had for breakfast earlier. Because I know in my heart that she's right.

"Sam, I don't know how to make you believe that I had nothing to do with what Nicole did. I was just as shocked as you…" I try to explain. She stands up to face me, anger pouring off her in almost tangible waves.

"Why? Why were you shocked? Because she went behind your back and beat you to it? She got to deflower me when that's what YOU wanted? Damn, you're just making your way through our entire class, aren't you? First Josh, then Harrison, then you aimed for me…"

"It's not like that," I say, hearing my voice raise a little because she's hurting my feelings. She arches an eyebrow, looking pleased with herself at hitting a nerve. She's hurting so badly that she just wants to make everyone around her suffer as greatly. I can't fault her for it.

"No? Come on, Brookie, I've heard the stories Nicole's spreading around school. That trip to Tahiti with Nicole last summer? That girl, what was her name…?" She's baiting me and damn me I'm going to go for it.

"Inola," I supply, barely above a whisper. Sam nods, a crooked smile marring her features.

"Inola. According to what I've heard, you had quite a time with Inola," she smirks devilishly but it lacks her usual spirit. It's cold and mean and turns my stomach. I nod because it's the truth. Why lie to her now?

"Fheh," she snorts again. A very unladylike trait, I must say but, I'm losing focus.

"So, what do you want, Brooke? You want a shot at me?" Her words shock me back to fine clarity and I watch as she spreads her arms open wide and flops down on the bed on her back. "Well, here you go. I won't even make you fight as hard as Nicole had to for so long. You want a `fun fuck'? Go ahead, just let me know when you're done so I can finish my homework."

I'm at once shocked by her words and yet glad she's at least talking to me, however ludicrous her dialogue may be.

"You're not ready to understand yet," I realize sadly. She sighs heavily from the bed.

"Yeah, whatever," she scoffs.

Suddenly feeling brazen, I stalk to the bed and lean over her body, pinning her down for a second. I don't know what's possessing me to act like this and it may end up getting me into even more trouble in the long run but screw it, what have I got left to lose?

My pride? Heh, that's long gone.

I kiss her, long and hard, hoping to convey my own hurt along with my apology and sympathy and yes, love with it. She panics at first, and fights against me, small frightened mewing sounds coming from the back of her throat. I feel my tears coursing down my face as I wonder exactly how far Nicole had to push to get what she wanted. But then I feel her relax somewhat and it gives me hope.

We're both breathless when I pull away.

"Listen to me, Sam," I say, my voice steady and calm. Much calmer than I feel right now. She nods at me as she stares into my eyes. She still looks slightly frightened but there's a spark of curiosity in those brown eyes that she can't hide.

"I would never, EVER hurt you the way Nicole has hurt you," I say evenly. "I had no idea she was going to do such a horrible, mean and heartless thing. If I did know, I would have done ANYTHING to stop her. I swear that to you."

"If it had been me you slept with, lost your virginity to, there would be no doubting how I truly felt for you. The love I feel would have been evident and you would not regret a second of it. You would NOT equate the experience to rape. And I would not have turned on you the next morning. If I EVER have the privilege of making love to you, it wouldn't be a `fun fuck'. It'd be love, Sammy. And I'd want it to last forever. Do you understand me?"

She nods again and I release her, standing up to leave her room. I leave her sitting stupefied on her bed. But I can't resist one last parting shot.

"Think about that when you remember who broke Nicole's nose after you ran away that day. Remember who it was that cracked one of the girl's ribs and now goes to therapy for anger management. THEN decide who the guilty parties are."

I barely get to my own room before my legs give out and my heart hammers so hard I'm afraid of a heart attack at 17.

Did I really just do all that?

I basically just admitted to Sam that I love her. Oh God.

God, I hope I haven't made things worse.

Exhaustion claims me in seconds to a fitful slumber.

5. RECOVERING

OK, she's staring at me like I'm a space alien. That can't be a good sign.

I woke up this morning to find her staring at me from the bathroom door. She'd obviously just gotten out of the shower (thankfully, finally. Her hair was starting to look dread-locked) She was wrapped in a towel, standing in my doorway looking at me with keen interest. I think her gaze might be what woke me, I'm not sure, but as soon as I opened my eyes, she ran back to her own room. It was the strangest thing. But at least she wasn't standing over me with a shovel.

That's me, always got to find that bright side of things.

Now I'm sitting on the couch, flipping through Saturday afternoon TV (Jesus is there ANYTHING worth watching anymore) and she's standing by the armchair watching me like I'm a rabid dog about to attack.

OK, she's making me really nervous.

"Sit down, say something, or leave the room, Sam before you drive me insane," I ask, making her jump slightly. She apparently wasn't expecting me to speak. Arf arf. "Granted it's a short drive but still, don't help."

She sits in the armchair as if on command, and it irks me slightly but I don't say anything. She folds her legs up to her chest and wraps her arms around them. She's effectively folded into herself and makes a frighteningly small package now. She looks so frail that it scares me.

"Why did you do it?" she asks in a small voice, her brown eyes much too wide in her face as she watches me. I bite my lip and decide to stall her.

"Do what, Sam? I've done so many questionable things lately." Well, isn't THAT the truth?

"You have to narrow it down," I continue when she's just patiently quiet. I'm still looking at the TV and wondering why we bother paying for cable anymore.

"Are you referring to why I parked on the street? Why I switched from Dove soap to Irish Spring? Why I voted for Nikki and not Kelly on American Idol? Give me a hint here, Sam."

I have answers to all of those, by the way.

She clears her throat and shakes her head.

"Why did you attack Nicole?" she clarifies, her voice still whisper soft. It's a nice change from the screaming growl I've been subjected to lately. I shrug nonchalantly and feel a blush burn my ears but don't really understand the reason for it.

"She deserved it," I say simply. God did she. Girlfriend deserved being beaten like a redheaded stepchild on a family holiday. Or at least hit with a large, heavy object repeatedly.

Heh, I know. I'll kill her and then have OJ go look for the real killer. Ha ha, I amuse me.

"I thought you helped her," she says, hanging her head in shame. Oh Sammy, don't take more blame in this.

I get up from the couch and kneel next to her chair, brushing the hair away from her face. It's shiny and gleaming again, soft to the touch.

"I'd never do anything like that, Sammy. But especially to you," I say gently. I don't want to say too much and spook her. She nods against my hand and sighs.

"I know…I'm sorry," she sniffs as I see a few tears fall past her curtain of hair that's hiding her face from me. I lift her head to face me and look her directly in the eyes. I know it's important for her to understand what I'm about to say.

"There's nothing for you to be sorry for, Sam. Nicole hurt you terribly and you reacted to that. I don't blame you at all so don't blame yourself. Don't worry about it, I forgive you," I speak slowly and calmly, ending my talk with a small smile. She collapses into my arms, startling me but I wrap my arms around her and let her cry.

"Thank you, I'm sorry…" she babbles. I pet her hair and rock her slightly as she sobs loudly and uncontrollably.

"WHY?" she screeches. "She USED me? WHY? Why did she have to hurt me like that?"

Sadly I have no answers for her. But thankfully she also knows that. I'm only here to comfort her, not answer her soul's questions right now.

Mom comes in from grocery shopping and passes us on the living room floor, giving me a questioning look that I just wave off over Sam's shoulder. Jane nods and heads into the kitchen assuming that I have Sam under control. At least Sam's out of her room and talking to me, I realize. That's a good start at least.

"Why, Brooke?" she continues, mumbling into my shirt which is now soaked with her tears and pain. "I swear I never did anything to her. What did I do to deserve what she did to me?" She looks up at me with those eyes imploring me for an answer and I can't stay quiet anymore. I have to try and piece my beloved Sammy back together.

"You didn't do anything, Sammy," I soothe, rubbing gentle circles on the girl's back as she hiccups and still sobs in my arms. She's quieter now though, having grown tired from all the emotional turmoil. She's settled into my lap, almost like a child. It'd be precious if she wasn't hurting so bad right now.

"Nicole," I start and stop to pick through my words carefully. "Nicole is a cruel, heartless bitch." Yeah, that about sums it up. "I don't know whether she went after you to get at me, really, or if it was something else. Sam, let's be honest, you know that I like you right?"

She looks at me, eyes impossibly wide but bright with understanding and nods.

"Yeah," she sniffs. I look at her intently.

"I mean `like you' in a way that's likely to give your mother a stroke and send my father to the funny farm `like', got that?" She smiles slightly and nods again.

"Uh huh, got it," she whispers, staring suddenly at my lips.

Damn that's distracting.

"Uhm…" Oh, that was intelligent sounding, Brooke. Gah. "So, anyway, Nicole kind of knew how I felt too. And I think that somehow this might have been partially my fault because you KNOW how she has some sort of pathological need to outdo me. And I'm afraid that you became just something else to beat me at, Sammy. And I'm so very sorry for that."

"Not your fault, Brooke," she sighs again and then rests her head against my chest. It's kind of nice being able to be this close and not worry about bodily harm. Now if I could just erase her pain I'd accomplish all my life's work.

"Nicole…she…she…*groan*," Sam doesn't finish her sentence, just buries her face deeper into my shirt as if trying to hide. I think leaving it open makes me feel worse than if she HAD finished it.

"Sam, I hate to ask this but…I need to know," I feel the words choking themselves out as I try not to be sick here on the floor. And I wonder why the need to know is so strong. Perhaps to finish off the last few remaining remnants of my friendship to Nicole? Or complete my total hatred of her. Either way I can't help Sam without the absolute truth.

"Did she…? I mean was it…rape?" God, I can barely even say the word. How must it be for Sam to LIVE with it?

She whimpers and pulls me painfully close. Her grip on me is so tight I can feel bruises forming under her fingers. But that's OK; she needs me right now.

She's quiet for a long time and I start to think that maybe I pushed too far.

"For it to be rape, I would have had to have said `no', right?" she suddenly asks quietly. "I mean, I did at first, but I gave in. So, `no', right?"

Aw damn. Tricky slope, Sammy. And I think we just crashed down it. Damn, if I hated Nic before, I loathe her now.

How could Nicole even…?

I mean, to even think about doing that to another human being is just….

Grrr…

6. REGROUPING

She slept in my bed last night. Said she didn't want to be alone anymore. What was I going to say, `no'?

Yeah, right. Not in this millennium.

And I'll tell you a secret. Sam snores.

Like, not a `buzz saw' snore. More like a heavy sigh or a cute little burbling sound. It's really cute, but I said that already didn't I?

She's been in her own room for over an hour, again repeating the same song on her CD player over and over. This time it's Creed's `What if?'. I think she's moved on from anguish to anger, which is a good sign. Maybe now we can move on to the important things, like kicking Nicole's peroxide ass so hard her natural birth parents feel it.

Teehee, sounds like fun.

"Hey Brooke?" Her head whips around the door into my room.

NARF!

She's wearing a white tank top with tight jeans, black sneakers and a silver choker on her neck. And I think my brain just stopped functioning. Talk amongst yourselves…

"Gah…?" I think I just responded to her. Did I respond?

Am I drooling?

She's smiling at me and if I turn into any more of a puddle I'm going to have to change my clothes.

"I wanted to know if you wanted go out and to rent some DVD's with me. It's Sunday and other than football, there's nothing on TV. I'm not up to actually going out for extended periods of time but I wouldn't mind hanging out here at home with you."

Define me now as mush. I'm that far gone. And that happy that she's reaching out to me.

"Sure," I chirp and wince because I sound like I've been sucking on helium.

She lets me drive which is odd given the fact that Sam loves to drive. She loves the sense of control, she told me as much once. It makes me wonder if Nicole robbed her of a lot more than I realize.

"Scooby-Doo OK with you?" she asks after we arrive at Blockbuster. Now open until 1 Am. Poor bastards. I nod and she skips off to grab a copy.

She comes back with Scooby, Ghost World, Enough, Lost & Delirious, and E.T. I've already got Murder By Numbers, Frailty, But I'm A Cheerleader (a fav), and Coyote Ugly in my hands.

"Not planning on going back to school?" I joke and instantly wish I could retrieve the words from midair. Shit, that was stupid of me. Her face falls for an instant but then she pulls it back together.

"If I had a choice, no, but I want to spend the day with you, watching mindless Hollywood drivel, eating and drinking enough junk food and soda to kill us and forgetting reality for now," she announces proudly and I laugh. Sounds good.

We're halfway through the fourth movie, (Frailty) when she suddenly gets serious on me.

"I want to make her pay, Brooke."

I have no doubt about that, Sammy, and I agree. But I have no idea how to do it.

So I shrug and grab another handful of popcorn. Besides, she's not actually looking for verbal feedback as much as a sounding board for her frustration and anger right now.

I may be blonde, but I'm not stupid. Thank you.

She runs a frustrated hand though her hair; she's sitting so close to me that it hits me softly on the side of the face. Smells like her shampoo. Smells like Sam.

"She really hurt me, you know? God, I HATE being used, especially like that. A fucking `fun fuck'. God," she sighs exasperated.

"Like that's all I'm worth? Was that all she was after, my cherry? Another freaking notch to add to her bedpost? Another story to tell the next stupid sap that comes down the pike? Another name in her little mental `little black book'?"

Good points all. She leans down and puts her head in my lap where I rhythmically start running my fingers through her hair. It's so automatic and natural that it's almost frightening. And yet elating at the same time.

"Seriously, Brooke, was she playing me from the get go? Was it all an act just to get into my pants and fuck me? To say `yeah, I did her. I was her first?' like it was some sort of accomplishment? I realize virgins are rare but are we so rare you have to fuck with our heads for amusement?"

"Nicole hasn't been a virgin since she was 14. She probably doesn't even remember BEING one," I snort before I can stop myself. "That and there's a reason she blew out that knee, remember."

Caffeine makes me say things I shouldn't. Example? Watch.

Sam's eyes light up devilishly.

"14? That's young even for her! Who, how, when?"

"Derrick Masters, a senior our freshman year…at a big party…he fell asleep during the whole thing…gave her a HUGE complex for a long time," I babble as my mouth gets a mind of its own. How curious.

It occurs to me that all that data comes under the heading `too much personal information'. And yet, I don't care. It's not MY information, after all.

That's it. No more Pepsi Blue for me.

Sam's laughing hysterically and I realize I just spilled one of Nicole's deepest darkest secrets onto the carpet like a glass of cranberry juice. It's seeping into the carpet and making a stain. Uh oh.

But wait, there's more…

"She had…uhm…problems for a little while after," I start to explain. I have Sam's complete attention, she's sitting back up and the movie is long forgotten.

"Seems that Derrick wasn't very…discriminating about who he slept with. Nicole ended up not only with a pregnancy scare because `baby, condoms kill the feel' as Derrick told her, but he also gave her…crabs."

Ew, soda squirted out her nose. Should have been prepared for that.

Damn it I'm never ready it seems.

She falls dramatically off the couch, half-laughing and half-coughing, red in the face and gorgeous as all hell, even with soda on her face.

It occurs to me to lick it off. Then I mentally smack myself and help her off the floor, patting her on the back to get the soda out of her lungs.

"She…she got crabs?" she gasps trying to get oxygen into her protesting organs. "Like in the health class `play'? She WAS a crab!"

And you were a very delectable looking little hooker, Sammy dear.

Oops, drifting…

It takes her several minutes to actually calm down after this new information. I think she thinks to some extent that I might be lying and stares at me trying to decide. It's the God's honest truth; I should know, I went to the clinic with Nicole and Marley Jacobs back when Marley ruled the school and Nic and I were just heirs to the throne.

Now Marley was a girl with some issues. Too bad she died before she could handle them.

"Man, I'd give my eye teeth for PROOF of all that," Sam sighs after she settles, again with her head in my lap. And suddenly a small idea starts turning itself around in my head.

"Keep your teeth, Sammy, I have a better idea." I know the smirk on my face has GOT to be downright evil because she's picked up her head and arched an eyebrow at me.

She narrows her eyes at me but grins.

"What are you planning, oh evil one?" she asks.

"You wanted revenge, right?' She nods. "Then you'll have it," I promise. Her smile turns into a grin and she puts her head down and we rewind the DVD to were we lost the story.

"Brooke?" she asks as the credits start at the end and disturbs me from my petting of her hair.

"Hmmm?"

"Why DID you chose Nikki over Kelly?"

I feel the evil grin this time and put no effort towards stopping it.

"Two words, Sammy…tongue ring."

7. HORMONAL OVERDRIVE

I should be sleeping but my bunkmate apparently has other ideas.

Sometime around two, Sam slipped into my bed with me and her hands have been somewhat…less than idle since she got here. I can feel her breath against my face as she lays in her side next to me letting her hand wander over my stomach, above my pajama top. Her breaths are uneven and she knows I'm awake. My soft whimpers and squirming on the bed would be a REALLY good indication of my state of wakefulness.

Oh God. She just undid the bottom button of my top and I can feel her fingertips grazing my abdomen. I can't help the rough gasp that slips past my lips and I hear her breathing increase at the sound of it. Her hand is so warm; I just want her to touch me everywhere and be able to melt into her.

Now her hand is lying flat against my belly, its heat seeming to burn my skin making me wonder if when it's gone, will I be branded with her hand print? Not that I would mind if it did. My desire for her is so great I feel tears leak down my face. To my complete surprise and supreme joy, I feel her kiss them away.

"Sshh, Brooke, don't cry," she whispers into my ear making me shiver. "I'm just curious but I'll stop if you want me to." She almost sounds hurt.

Aww Sammy, no.

"No!" I gasp more forcefully than was necessary. Oops. "It's OK, really." She smiles at me and then puts her face in the crook of my neck, letting her breaths wash over my skin and tracing circles on my abs.

I cough, not to clear my throat but to keep from sounding too lustful when I talk. I don't want her to think that I want something from her that she's not ready to give. Never. I'd rather never have a moment with her than ever have her think that about me.

"What are you curious about?" I still ended up sounding like a sex-starved sailor just arrived in port. She must have liked it though because she shivered and snuggled closer.

Does she not think I've noticed that her hand has crept higher under my shirt? She's dangerously close to my breasts. Yay.

"You." Her mouth is right beside my ear and her tongue darts out to lick it. I tremble violently with want and whimper as my throat closes slightly.

"You're so soft," she continues lowly. Right now she could recite the yellow pages and I'd be jelly in her hands. Speaking of which, I hope I have some clean jammies cuz I don't think I'm going to be able to sleep in these in their current state.

Sorry, overshare.

Gah. Her hand is caressing the underside of my left breast and I'm in Heaven and in Hell. Everything I want and yet I want more. Damn it.

"Here, I'll show you what I mean," Sam whispers and her hand leaves my breast.

Crying at the loss of contact would be foolish, right?

"Your hips," her hand follows the ridge of my pelvic bone as I lie still on my back.

Did I mention that now she's dangerously close to my pants and underwear?

"Your hips are here," she points out and I nod. Trust me, speech is not a possibility at this point. "I can feel the bone under here but it's soft, curvy and lush. I like it."

And I like you touching it, Sammy.

"Your abdomen is muscular, strong. But you're relaxed, somewhat," she winks at me and then puts her head back to my neck. "So it's soft and pillowy."

Uh huuuuuuuuh…

"Your ribs," her hand is wandering back up my stomach and I have goose bumps as it glides across my skin. "Are under here but don't jut out roughly. You're smooth, soft, warm…"

Her breathing has picked up again and her voice has dropped a few octaves. She's aroused herself with her little explanation. Heh. Me too. As if being further aroused was even possible but apparently it is.

"Your breasts…"

Oh God.

"Oh God," she echoes my thoughts as she cups the breast she abandoned earlier. She clears her throat and I wonder if it's for the same reason I did a little while back.

"Nicole…Nicole was none of those things, Brooke," her voice is still rough with desire and makes me throb in places I shouldn't. "She was rough and hard, cold and sharp. You're smooth and soft, warm and curvy."

Kill me and put me out of my misery or please let me have an orgasm before I burst into flames, someone…anyone? (Actually, just Sammy but anyway)

She's pinching and teasing my nipple with her fingers and I want to beg her to use her mouth but I can't speak. AT ALL. I feel her lean even closer to my ear.

"And there's something I really need to tell you." She sounds frightened. I wonder why.

"Uh huuuuuh," I manage to eke out at least that much as her hand never stills.

"Please don't be mad but…the whole time I was with Nicole that night…after I'd said `yes'…I imagined it was you I was with. That it was you kissing me, touching me, making me cum. Not her."

The orgasm floods through my body with the power of a freight train and my upper body rises off the bed. I hear myself grunt loudly, which I'm not prone to doing. I'm usually pretty quiet. Sam holds me tightly as I convulse and pant.

"I'm sorry," she apologizes near tears.

"Oh God, don't be," I rasp out after my body calms down and I have a margin of control over it again. Hmm, feels really nice to be wrapped up in Sam's arms like this feeling the afterglow of a mind-blowing orgasm.

Damn, and she barely touched me too. I'd probably shatter into a million pieces if she actually did.

Oh goody. I hope so.

"It's just…I didn't mean for that to happen. I didn't realize you were so…" she's cute when she babbles.

"Hot? Aroused?" I supply for her making her giggle slightly.

Looky there, I can speak again.

"Yeah," she replies sheepishly. "Wow."

Understatement anyone?

"Yeah wow," I sigh. Now I'm tired. "Thank you." I kiss her gently on the lips. After I pull away I can see in the dim light that she's watching me carefully, probably trying to figure out what I'm going to do next. I reach up and brush her hair out of her somewhat haunted eyes.

I can see that she's not ready for anything more, not yet. The wounds Nicole inflicted are still too raw, too fresh for Sam to give herself completely over to someone else again right now.

That's OK, I can wait. Knowing that there's a chance makes it easier.

"I think it's time for sleep, huh, Sammy?" I ask and she nods. "OK, but first I need to change my clothes."

Oh, Sammy, that smirk should be a registered lethal weapon.

"Why?" she asks innocently as I slip out of the bed. Ha, I'm not buying that innocent act with that leer going with it.

Oh my God, she's making me blush!

"Uhm, I'm a little bit…damp, Sam," I admit quietly.

"So am I," I hear her whisper and I have to grab the dresser for support as a shudder shoots through me. My legs are rubber now, nice job, Sam.

"You can…uh…go change if you want," I cough as I pull out new pajamas and underwear.

"Nah," she says and shifts on the bed. "Do you want me to roll over while you change?"

Heh. Why bother? Although it is sweet of her to ask.

"That's entirely up to you," I say. I don't hear the bed move so I know she's watching. I strip off my shirt, baring my naked chest to her. Her breath catches and reaches my ears as it hisses past her lips. I smirk to myself and then strip out of my soaked pants and underwear.

I'm as open and vulnerable to her gaze as I'm ever going to get.

God, the hunger in her eyes is unmistakable. I never thought I'd ever be the object of her obvious desire like that.

"I don't suppose…" she swallows hard. "I don't suppose, if I promise to behave, that you'd consider sleeping in the nude, would you?" she asks. "I just want to hold you, Brooke. You're so damn beautiful."

How can I say `no' to that?

Besides, it'll probably save me on laundry.

8. REVENGE

Now, how did that happen?

I swear, if you ask me, I have NO idea how Nicole Julian's medical file from our freshman year got printed on the front page of the Zapruter. Honestly...NO earthly idea whatsoever.

I mean, I'M not the one who posed as Nicole to get the file. Nope, nosiree, not me.

Uh...yeah I did. OK, I'll admit THAT much.

But I'm not the newly reinstated editor of the school newspaper. Nope, innocent over here.

Blonde and clueless, thank you.

OK, I just HAVE to read this thing again...it amuses me:

'According to sources close to the Zapruter, (i.e. Me...shhh) Nicole Julian has a long and colorful sexual history. Now it isn't the habit of this paper or this reporter to air the predatory sexual habits of its readers but due to the shocking nature of the truth in this case, serving the public interest overwhelms any ethical qualms we might have.

Nicole Julian is a slut.

The truth is as plain and obvious as the black and white paper you hold in your hands.

Medical files obtained by this paper through unnamed sources shows Ms Julian's long history of sexually transmitted diseases.

Think that it doesn't happen to the rich, powerful, beautiful, and bitchy?

Read on:

In the span of four years, Ms Julian has been treated at least once for:

- Pubic lice (crabs)
- Chlamydia
- Gonorrhea (although we will point out that this was an ORAL infection, this time)
- Three pregnancy scares
- And a miscarriage.

Now, as stated earlier, it is not the practice of this paper to air the dirty laundry of one of its readers but we feel that Nicole Julian is a danger to the public at large.

As one of her former victims, I wish I had been better informed of her sexual history.

If there is any doubt to the validity of these claims, one need only to look at pages 2-6 where Ms Julian's full medical file is printed.

You can not deny the written word, as stated by medical fact.

So next time you think and STD can't happen to you, think about Nicole Julian. Despite her money and popularity, it happens to her.

Repeatedly.

And by the way...I've tested clean.

Editor-in-chief
Samantha McPherson

Sneaky, sneaky little Sammy included pictures of crabs, medical explanation, treatments, and the file and x-rays on Nicole's knee. You know, the one she blew out because she spent too much time on them? Yeah, that effectively lost her her spot on the Glamazons as of noon today. That brought me much glee.

And of course, Nicole much rage.

She's been stalking around the halls looking for Sam, threatening to sue for liable and shit. Lily keeps chiming in about 'First Amendment rights' and all that before ducking out of Nicole's way. And the rest of the school population won't go NEAR Nic. She is effectively, Typhoid Mary. And I think I heard someone humming Matchbox Twenty's 'I've got a disease' when she walked by a little while ago.

Heh heh. About time she got hers. I'm getting a wonderful perverse sense of joy out of all this.

Then again, most of it WAS my idea. I'm just glad Sam went for it.

"Hey.¨ her voice suddenly sounds WAY too close to my right ear and I think I must have just jumped 4 feet straight up. She wasn't there a second ago, she was hiding in the Novak.

Her arms wrap around me and she holds me tight. I'm already halfway to mush just hearing the purr of her voice, her touch finishes the job.

Gah...

God, I'm hopeless.

"I didn't mean to scare you.¨ she apologizes while nuzzling my hair. Man, she does such things to my body with just the simplest of touches.

"It's OK.¨ I assure her, leaning back into her somewhat. I sigh happily. I can't help it. I'm in her arms, what more could I want?

"Brooke, I want to go home.¨ she states, her voice low and gravely. It sends a chill straight down my spine and then between my legs. Damn, I may have to go home just to change my clothes.

Have you any idea what my laundry basket has looked like for the past two weeks since that night in bed?

Yeah, my clothes are always in the wash now.

Except my pajamas. I don't wear any. We haven't done anything more than kiss and hold each other but I stopped dressing for bed at Sam's request. She alternates between naked and tee shirt with boxers, depending on her mood. Either is fine with me as long as she's there.

"I want to go home and hold you.¨ she murmurs making me shiver more. There's something different in her voice. And undertone that's making my insides quake.

"OK.¨ is all I can manage to respond.

GAH! She just licked the back of my neck and if she wasn't holding me up I think I would have swooned.

"Maybe do a little more than just...hold you.¨ she teases.

Breathe, Brooke. In with the good air, out with the bad.

I turn around in her arms so that I can look her in the eyes.

"Sam...?¨ She blushes and looks at me both sheepishly and seductively at the same time.

Don't ask. I don't know HOW she pulls that off.

She looks me directly in the eyes, no wavering or doubt written in them at this moment.

"You, are not Nicole Julian.¨ she says firmly. "You are not going to hurt me. I don't think you could even if you wanted to.¨

Which I don't.

"When you look at me, I see only love, compassion, desire, friendship, and adoration. I don't see any ulterior motive behind those beautiful blue-green eyes of yours. I feel safe with you, Brooke. I feel loved.¨

"You are.¨ I hear myself whisper.

Damn was that out loud?

Judging by the million-watt smile she's shooting me, yes, it was indeed out loud. Then again, if she's going to smile like that at me when I say it, I'll say it a million times a day.

"I love you too, Brooke.¨

My knees just gave out. Thankfully Sammy caught me.

Head spinning...

"Never thought...¨ Hyperventilating. "You'd feel...same...say it...I...I...¨

She sits me down on the floor, mildly panicked. Well, no duh! I just went all 'Rainman' in her arms.

How romantic. Snarfle.

"Are you OK?¨ she asks concerned.

"Yeah.¨ Oh look, coherency. It's not just a vague notion. I look up at her beautiful worried face. "Can we go home now?¨

She smiles that radiant Sam smile and nods.

"I'd like that, a lot.¨ she says. Her voice is all husky and I'm not sure my legs are going to support me if she keeps talking like that.

9. HOMECOMING

I speed all the way home and almost take out the mailbox pulling into the driveway, which makes her giggle.

`But Officer, her hand's been on my thigh, rubbing and squeezing since we left the school parking lot. Would YOU be able to drive slow to get her home?'

Yeah, I thought not.

I have trouble getting out of the car. I'm like, stuck in my seat unable to move. Sam comes around to my side and helps me out, holding my hand all the way into the house and then leads me up to my bedroom.

She kisses me gently at first, then with more passion and urgency. I feel her moist tongue lick my bottom lip and I gladly permit her entrance to my mouth.

She wastes no time, stroking the inside of my mouth, the roof and my teeth; teasing my tongue to play with her own. It's a fun duel, slow and sensual especially as I feel her hands wander under my shirt and up my back. She's pulling me closer so that we're pressed tightly together in the middle of the room. I don't think a piece of paper could fit between us now.

She breaks away from my mouth and makes a trail to my ear.

"Show me, Brooke," she growls and I tremble in her arms. "Show me what love is. Your love."

Oh God.

You see, I have this theory about myself. It's a tad embarrassing but then again, what the hell? I think that below my seemingly innocent, calm exterior, there lies a beast. A fiery, passionate animal that if properly aroused would overtake my normal personality and shed all my inhibitions and blow your socks off. And `she' scares me. I've never let `her' out during sex, no matter how wild it's gotten. There's a level of trust involved with unleashing `the beast' that I've yet to find with anyone. I think that someday I might be able to do so with Sam.

But not tonight. Tonight is our first time together. I want it to be special, slow and passionate but there's so much I want to show Sammy. To show her how much I love her and would never hurt her.

"Sammy," I gasp as I nibble on her neck and jaw. My hands are shaking as I try to unbutton her oversized flannel shirt. She covers my hands with her own and smiles at me.

"Easy, Brooke," she whispers with so much love in her voice that it break my heart. No, that's not right. My heart swells with so much happiness it nearly bursts.

She loves me!

"Let me," she offers and then proceeds to undo the blasted shirt. After she removes it and tosses it away, I send it a hateful glare. Evil, evil thing. It kept me from my Sammy.

I may burn it in revenge later. Anyway.

God, she's so beautiful. Her skin is a warm milky color and seems to glow in the pale sunlight coming in the window behind her. Standing there in her bra, jeans and sneakers, I doubt that I've seen anything as gorgeous as she is in this moment.

I kneel before my Goddess to worship her as she deserves to be worshipped.

"Brooke?" I hear her question. I say nothing but unlace her shoes and then remove them and her socks as she giggles at me.

"Careful, I'm ticklish," she warns. Useful information for later, I think evilly.

My hands travel up her jeans-clad legs, tracing their sculpting and coming to rest on her hips. Whether she realizes it or not, she's spread her legs a little further apart since I initially kneeled. It's incredibly tempting to do as I want, be as wild with her right now as my blood screams out to be but, the timing isn't right and I know it. So I place a hot kiss on her groin, over her clothes and shiver when her moan reaches my ears even as her hands suddenly bury themselves in my hair.

"Brooooooke," she hisses as she strokes my hair. I look up at her looking down at me, eyes so full of desire it's amazing and smile.

"Soon, my Sammy," I promise as I unzip her jeans and slide them down over her legs. She steps out of them and kicks them away as I stand back up, letting my right hand brush none too lightly against the obvious wet spot on her panties. With another moan, she pulls me into a heated kiss as she impatiently tries to pull my shirt off. A loud ripping sound tells me that that shirt is now a rag with which I will be washing my car.

I discard it as she bites at my bottom lip and rakes her nails against my back. I may have every intention of being gentle but I think I forgot to tell Sammy.

I take control again and shove her onto the bed before taking off my own pants as she watches hungrily. I can feel `the beast' rattling her cage and I know I'm going to have to fight for control.

Sam reaches around herself and unhooks her bra. Then she shimmies out of her underwear. I'm frozen as I stare at the vision lying naked on my bed.

"Brooke." she whimpers breathlessly as her back arches and she reaches for me. I practically rip off my own underwear and stretch my body out over hers.

God, I want to melt right into her forever.

Her hands are everywhere at once; on my back, my breasts, my sides, my ass. I want her everywhere but this isn't about me. I need to get control of my hormones.

"Sam," I'm panting as she licks at my collarbone. I'm losing myself in the feel of her body below mine and I think it's the same for her. The want, the need and sensations are running away with us. I kiss her hard and slow to calm her and she relaxes somewhat beneath me.

"Let me." I swallow and try to regain my composure. "Let me show you, Sammy. Slow and the right way, OK?" She nods, the desire swirling plainly in her eyes even as her body rocks slowly against mine. I'm on fire and it's delicious.

"Let me know if...if I do something you don't like, OK?" It's important to me to do everything right because her experience with Nicole was so bad. I wish I could erase that but since I can't, I'll give her a wonderful memory to overwrite it with.

"OK," she pants back. There's so much trust in her voice, in her eyes that I almost want to cry. But, my body has other things in mind.

I put my arms on either side of her head to support myself and put the rest of my body against hers, sliding my thigh between her slightly parted legs. She spreads them further apart to accommodate me and then wraps those beautiful sculpted long limbs around my thigh, pulling me closer to her. I can feel the moisture of her arousal coating the skin on my leg and my arms nearly give out as she grinds slowly against me. She's so hot and wet that it nearly overwhelms me.

I press the hard muscle of my thigh against her wet center and capture her lips as she moans under me, swallowing the cry and teasing her full lips with my tongue. I'm controlling the kiss as I caress her tongue with my own, lick her lips and nibble on her jaw.

Her hands are playing with my breasts in a most delightful torture as I rock against her. I lick and nip at her ear, listening to the gasps and moans rolling from her lips as her mouth rests besides my ear.

My arms give out in a very sloppy fashion as Sam raises the thigh I'm straddling and she grinds it against my own wet flesh.

"God, Sammy." I gasp, the feelings and sensations rolling through my body are setting my blood on fire.

"I wanted to feel you against me," she growls. The rough sound of her voice makes `the beast' inside me howl for release.

My next kiss isn't so gentle and I have to fight with myself to calm down no matter how much it seems Sam liked it.

I bury myself in her neck, kissing and licking as she moves against me, her actions growing quicker and more needy.

Her breasts are of endless fascination to me. Round and full, soft and smooth. I find myself occupied by them for a while. First the right nipple, which I suckle ardently and flick with my tongue, aking her back arch and hands grasp my hair, and then the left. I repeat the process, don't want anyone to feel neglected...and then nibble a little. She whimpers and pulls at my hair.

"Sorry." I apologize.

"Broooooke." her whine is pitiful sounding in need. I look up over her rapidly rising and falling chest to see her flushed face and realize she's totally gone; given herself over to me.

I let my hand graze lightly over the skin on her inner thigh to gauge her reaction. She moves against me seeking more contact. I let my fingers play through her soft hairs, teasing the hidden flesh beneath, eliciting another whimper.

"Pleeeeeasssssssssse." she begs, her eyes shut and panting heavily.

I slide easily through her warmth, my own eyes fluttering back at the mere feel of her wetness against my finger. I've experienced other women before, not many but none have ever been as wet and hot as Sammy is. I'm coated in her in seconds as I stroke her, seeking out her clit and making her cry out.

"Oh God." One of her hands has flown backwards to grab the headboard as the other grasps the bed sheets. I watch her beautiful face as I pleasure her by resting my head on her stomach. Her heartbeat beneath my ear is wild, thumping against her chest as she undulates against my hand.

I tease her opening with the tip of my index finger and that's when I feel her freeze; not because of an orgasm but because of fear.

"Sammy?" I ask gently. Her eyes open and focus blearily on mine. She looks uncertain now and I'm scared I've done something wrong.

"When...with Nic." She's panting and having trouble concentrating.

Wonder why. Giggle

"What about Nic, baby?" I encourage her to talk. OK, so I REALLY don't want to discuss Nicole right now, but, whatever Sam needs to say, I'll listen.

She bites her lip and sighs.

"It hurt." she whimpers in memory. Oh.

OH!!! Oops...duh.

"I understand, honey," I soothe, moving up slightly to kiss her. Now I'm lying next to her looking her in the eyes. "When Nicole...it always hurts the first time or so, Sammy. I'm sorry that she wasn't gentle with you. She should have been, especially for your first time. I won't do that if you're not ready, OK?"

She looks thoughtful for a minute and then gives me a smoldering look that I swear could set a forest fire in Antarctica.

"I want you inside me, Brooke." she whispers huskily.

I nearly cum just at her words. Damn, how does she DO that?

"If it hurts, tell me, I'll stop," I promise and she nods. "I'd never hurt you."

"I know."

I begin moving my hand again and after a few minutes, slip inside her tight channel. God, she clamped down on me instantly and so tightly it almost hurts. She stopped moving for a second and I'm worried.

"Sammy.?"

"Mmmmmmmmm, God, don't stop, feels good." she moans wantonly. I smile and start circling her clit with my thumb, doubling the sensations as I move my finger inside her, stroking as deep as I can and then pulling out slightly.

She's soaking my hand in her moisture again as she mumbles and whimpers incoherently, moving faster against my hand and crying out for more.

"More, Brooke, deeper," she growls. I'm careful as I slip another finger in to join the first. I don't want to stretch her too much and inadvertently cause her pain.

"Oh God Yes!" Her head is thrown back, her back is arched and she's covered in a fine sheen of sweat making her glow as she bucks against me trying to reach her release. I swirl my tongue around her nipple again and begin to suckle and bite at it as I curl my fingers upward inside her.

And she explodes.

She screams as the orgasm slams into her like an ocean wave, robbing her of all control as she convulses against my hand and fills it with her pleasure. Her orgasm seems endless as it crushes my fingers and it further intensifies the ache between my own legs. I'm still riding her thigh and almost there.

My desire...need for release is so sharp it hurts.

Its sharp edges are digging into my abdomen as I feel my own orgasm teasing me at the edges of my reach.

As if reading my thoughts, Sam, still panting, raises her thigh as just I thrust downward. My sudden orgasm coats her thigh as I collapse against her shaking.

It's a few minutes before either of us move. And `the beast' isn't satisfied. Oh, `she's' happy, but there's one more thing `she' wants.

And I decide to give in.

I move down Sam's prone body, settling myself between her still trembling thighs. Her head raises slightly, hooded eyes regarding me questioningly.

"Brooke?" Her voice is hoarse and low. "What are you doing?"

My smirk must be rather devilish because her eyes spark suddenly with desire.

"Why, Sammy, I'm going to lick you clean," I announce saucily before diving in before she can respond. Her response is to bury her hands in my hair and push me closer into her.

Mmmmmmmmmm...yummy. She's sweet, with this slight salty tang that makes my tongue tingle. I lick up every drop of wetness I can find but she only replaces it as fast as I work.

Hmmm...gotta work harder.

I slip my tongue inside her and repeat the earlier actions of my fingers while my nose rubs against her clit. She's nearly pulling out my hair as she rides my face. My name...MY NAME is flowing constantly from her lips.

She traps my tongue inside her as she cums this time and I nearly drown in her flowing juices as I try to drink it all down. I don't want to miss a drop.

Oh my sweet sweet Sammy.

After she returns from bliss, she pulls me up beside her and wraps herself around me like a human blanket. I can tell she's tired.

"I'm going to repay that," she whispers sleepy as her eyes droop shut and she buries her head in the crook of my neck. "Right after my nap." And she's out.

That's OK. I can wait. Sammy loves me and we have all the time in the world for paybacks.

10. EPILOGUE

Speaking of paybacks. You wanna know what happened to Nicole after that whole newspaper thing?

Moved to New York last I heard.

I mean, she was GONE the next day when we got to school. Not a word to anyone, not even Mary Cherry who, I gotta tell you, is like a baby duck following Lily around now. Between her and Josh, Lily looks pretty damn silly.

And that's a threesome visual I DON'T need.

So Sam's school life is calming down; I'm `out' and damn proud, letting everyone know Sam is with me and that I will NEVER hurt her.

Nicole is gone; no one misses her, needs her or wants her.

Life is good.

Hasta la vista, baby.

Ding dong the witch is dead.

Free at last, free at last, thank God Almighty, we are.

"Brooke, what are you doing?" Sam's voice floats over to me and breaks my train of thought. I lean back on the bed.

"Uhm...thinking?" I respond shakily. Of course, if her warm, long fingers weren't currently crawling up the insides of my thighs, I might have been able to form a more articulate response.

"Well, stop that," she purrs seductively. "I believe I owe you something.?" She licks her lips and I whimper.

I don't know why I didn't see THAT coming.

::evil grin::

You can just leave my head now. Sammy and I need private time.

Bye!

The End