Down To One

Title: Down to One

Author: Aeryn Sun

Email: willowrose_98@yahoo.com

Feedback: If the whim strikes.

Archiving: Ask, and ye shall receive. Just ask first.

Rating: PG to start, but you can never tell with me

Spoilers: All but mostly ‘Friends with Benefits’

Series/Universe: None. Yet. Heh

Summary: Spencer tries to deal with the fallout of her evening with Ashley and Aiden.

Couple: Ashley/Spencer

Warning: If the idea of two women involved in a romantic relationship together disturbs you, run, run far far away and never look back. If it's illegal where you live, move quickly. If you're under the legal age, age quicker, it's fun here. Other than that, enter at your own risk, and enjoy.

Author's Notes: My first SoN fic. I haven’t seen all the episodes; so, bear with me while I learn the characters.

Disclaimer: Not mine. Never were. Not making any $$. Don't HAVE any $$. Don't sue.

“Pull the car over,” Spencer demanded. Ashley scowled.

“What? Why?”

“Pull the car over. Now!” the blonde ordered. Sighing, Ashley pulled off the road. As the car rolled to a stop, Spencer undid her belt and jumped out of the car, running a few feet away before throwing up what little was in her stomach.

Concerned despite her heartache, Ashley shut off the car and got out, walking over to Spencer’s form.

“Are you all right?” she asked softly. Spencer had her hands on her knees, still partially bent at the waist, shaking her head.

“No…” she breathed. She looked up at Ashley, her eyes rimmed in red from vomiting and the tears now streaking down her face. “You’re such a bitch.”

Taken aback by the harsh tone of Spencer’s voice, Ashley immediately went into defensive/sarcastic mode.

“What? For asking if you’re all right? Fine next time I’ll just leave you on the side of the road puking up your guts,” she shot back. “What the fuck do I care?” She turned away, walking back to the car and desperate for Spencer not to see the tears now shining in her own eyes.

“I thought you did care,” Spencer whispered. “I really thought you did. Now you turn on me and I have no idea why.” Ashley spun back around.

“I DO care, Spencer. That’s why I can’t do this. I can’t get involved with you no matter how bad I want it only to have you turn around and decide that you can’t handle being with me and all the ramifications that come with it. I can’t!”

“What are you talking about?” Spencer yelled, walking towards the brunette. “I never said any of that…” Ashley threw her hands into the air in frustration.

“You don’t have to. The mere mention of your family knowing about us and you totally shut down. I understand that your family means a lot to you and you’re scared of their reaction. Hell, so am I. I’m not going to give my heart to you and then have you give it back when you have to choose between them and me! I don’t wanna make you HAVE to choose because I know that I won’t win!” Ashley suddenly sat directly down on the ground, emotionally spent from her outburst and feeling empty. Spencer tilted her head to the side and looked at her girlfriend.

“OK, let’s calm down here for a second and talk about this?” she suggested. Ashley shrugged as if to say ‘whatever’ so Spencer continued. “Ashley…” she approached the upset brunette, kneeling down in front of her.

“Oh, Ashley, baby. You’ve been hurt so bad, haven’t you?” she reached out to push some of Ashley’s dark hair behind an ear only to have her hand batted away.

“Don’t,” Ashley warned. “Say what it is you wanted to say.” Swallowing the hurt that Ashley’s action caused her, Spencer pressed on.

“I didn’t mean to ‘shut down’ like that on you. I didn’t. It’s just, you mentioned my parents and I suddenly realized that this was real and when we leave your Dad’s, we’re going back to our lives. Lives where no one knows that all this has happened between us. And the thought of telling ANYONE, never mind my family, scared me to death. I was trying to figure out what to do.” Ashley raised her face to look at Spencer.

“I will not hide myself for you, Spencer. I did that and I never want to live like that again, pretending that I’m something I’m not,” she growled. Spencer sighed.

“I didn’t ask you to. And I’m not ready to tell my parents, or even Aiden about this wonderful thing that’s happened to us,” she explained. Ashley let out a short bark of laughter.

“If it’s so fucking wonderful, then why not?”

“Because I’m not you,” Spencer answered simply. “I haven’t found that inner strength that you have yet. People’s opinions mean a lot to me. My family’s opinion means a lot…”

“I get it, Spencer, ok?” Ashley spat, standing up and brushing herself off before turning to walk around the car. Spencer grabbed her arm and pulled Ashley back around to face her.

“No, I don’t think you do,” she argued. Ashley looked down at where Spencer had grasped her arm and then looked back up into Spencer’s eyes.

“Let go,” she said simply. Spencer shook her head.

“No.” Ashley’s lips set into a thin angry line.

“Let. Go. Now.” Each word was growled in a low threatening tone that scared Spencer. She watched as Ashley’s breathing started to pick up and flashes of panic crossed her eyes.

<God, Ashley, who hurt you so bad? If I ever find them, I’ll make them pay>

Spencer now understood that Ashley was acting the way she was out of fear and for the defense of her fragile emotions. The smaller girl had read Spencer’s earlier silence as rejection and then acted accordingly.

“I’ll let go when you listen to me, got it?” Ashley gave a hard tug on her arm but Spencer refused to release her. The muscle in Ashley’s jaw twitched.

“Talk fast,” she grumbled.

“You need to have more faith in me, in US. I’m not willing to let you throw this away because of what you think I’m going to do.”

“Oh, and what’s that? Break us off and then go running back to mummy for her approval? Thanks, I’ll skip the whole ‘I was just experimenting/Ashley means nothing to me’ part of the performance.”

“Ashley, you’re not listening,” Spencer complained, releasing Ashley’s arm. The brunette reached up and rubbed where she’d been restrained.

“What’s there to listen to? God, Kelly was right, you’re just a tease. A fucking damn good one, but still a tease.”

Her hand had already acted before she could stop it, slapping Ashley hard across the face. They stared at each other in shock for several moments before either moved.

“Ash, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean…it was an accident,” Spencer stammered, stunned by her own behavior.

“Fuck you. Walk home, bitch.”

Spencer stood stunned for a few more seconds as Ashley got into the car. Realizing that she was about to be abandoned in the middle of what equaled nowhere for her, Spencer ran to the car.

“Ashley, let me in. Don’t leave me here!” she yelled, pulling on the now locked door handle. Ashley ignored her, instead burying her head in her arms and leaning on the steering wheel. Even outside the car, Spencer could hear the other girl’s sobs.

“Ashley please…Ashley please don’t cry. Let me in the car so we can talk,” she begged. Ashley shook her head without lifting it. “Please baby, let me in. I’m sorry I hit you. I don’t know what happened, I just, did. I’m so sorry, Ashley, please believe me.”

It was several long minutes before Spencer saw Ashley move slightly and the lock on the door pop up. She threw open the door before Ashley could lock it again and climbed into the SUV. She brushed at some of the hair on the back of Ashley’s neck, seeking contact with her girlfriend and scared of being rebuffed.

“I’m so sorry, Ash,” she whispered. “I swear I’ll make it up to you. I’ll never hit you ever again. Please, please, please, forgive me and talk to me.”

“I just wanna go home and forget this weekend ever happened,” Ashley answered weakly. Cold fear again squeezed at Spencer’s heart. She fought down the bile that rose to her throat.

“The whole weekend?” she asked fearfully. Ashley nodded, her head still covered by her arms. “Why, Ashley? It was so great. Why do you just want to throw it away?”

“Because, if I forget that this weekend ever happened then I won’t hurt so bad at losing you because I never would have had you or known what it would’ve been like to be with you and what I’m gonna be missing out on,” Ashley said angrily, finally lifting her head and looking at Spencer.

“Because now I know that we could have had something and it’s all I wanted and now it’s ruined…” she continued. Spencer shook her head.

“It’s not ruined. I’m still right here…” she countered.

“No!” Ashley screamed, making Spencer jump. “It’ll never be and I should have seen that. You’re always going to be fighting with what you want and what your family wants and I’ll get dropped in the middle.”

“Damn it, Ashley! Let me talk!” Spencer cut in. “God. You’ve got it all figured out don’t you?”

“It’s the way it is…” Ashley cut in.

“Shut up for two fucking minutes, will you?” Spencer screamed. Ashley deflated a bit in the face of Spencer’ anger. After making sure that Ashley wasn’t going to speak again, she went on.

“Yes, I’m scared. Yes, I’m terrified of what my mother is going to say or do when she finds out about us. Yes, US, Ashley because I’m not letting you piss on this because you’re scared. All your fucking defense mechanisms are making it hard for you to see what I’m trying to tell you. You’re so God damn scared of being hurt that you’ve decided to hurt first and that’s NOT FAIR!”

“I want to be with you, Ashley. I want to be your girlfriend despite my fears. I’m not willing to wear a flannel outfit and get a mullet just yet but, if you could just bear with me and give me time, stay by my side and support me like a girlfriend would,” she shot somewhat sarcastically. She held up her hand to stop Ashley from speaking when the brunette opened her mouth to retort.

“If you could just do all that, I know that we could get through it. I don’t want you to change who you are, Ashley. If you did then you wouldn’t be you, the person I fell in love with.” She saw Ashley’s eyes go wide and rethought what she had just said.

<Crap. I wasn’t ready to say that. And I sure as hell didn’t want to say it when we were fighting> she sighed.

Ashley stayed silent, afraid to speak and have Spencer retract what she had said.

“Anyway,” Spencer said softer this time. “What I’m trying to say is that I think we’ve had a miscommunication here. And the only thing I can think to say is I’m sorry. I’m sorry that you thought that by me not saying anything that I was getting ready to leave you. Ashley, I want to be your girlfriend. If I didn’t then I wouldn’t have kissed you in the first place. I’m scared but I’m willing to face that fear if you’re beside me.”

“I don’t know, Spencer,” Ashley sighed.

“Do you love me?” Spencer asked softly. Ashley sighed again.

“Spencer…I have…issues with that word,” she said stiffly. “It’s been thrown at me by my parents and step-parents so often that I doubt it has any meaning. They are never there for me; they never make time for me to show me this ‘love’ of theirs. Yet whenever they screw up, they toss it out there like it’s some sort of cure-all band-aid.” She ran a shaky hand through her hair and looked at Spencer.

The blonde was listening intently as she spoke, hurt and understanding both shining brightly in her eyes.

“So I can’t, Spencer. I can’t say it until I understand it,” she finished softly. The lone tear that streaked down Spencer’s face all but killed Ashley.

“I’m sorry,” she apologized. She unintentionally jumped when Spencer leaned closer in the car.

“I just wanna hug you, Ash,” Spencer said in a sad small voice. “I swear I won’t ever hit you again.” Ashley wrapped her arms loosely around Spencer, pulling her close.

“I know. I was just surprised.” Spencer nodded against her shoulder.

“I know and I understand. Everything,” the taller girl acknowledged.

“Spence, you know that I care for you. A lot. Really like A LOT a lot, right? I’m just not ready.” Ashley hoped that she was making more sense to Spencer than she was to herself. Spencer pulled away and looked at her girlfriend.

“Yeah, I know. And when you’re ready, you’ll say it,” Spencer declared. “And knowing that you do ‘really like me’, and knowing that I love you…I swear to you that I will show you what it means to be loved and to love.”

“But knowing how we feel about each other isn’t it worth it to be together? Knowing now how great it will be? It is for me. I don’t want to let fear ruin this. I just wanna wait to tell anyone. Just a little while?”

Ashley thought for a few minutes, thinking over her options. She knew that she wanted Spencer, to be with her like a couple. And she wanted it so badly that she decided that it was worth it to her to help Spencer work through it.

“Whatever you need, Spencer. Let’s do this.”

They were headed back to Ashley’s father’s house when they decided to stop at IHOP for breakfast. Spencer couldn’t help but laugh at the sheer volume Ashley managed to eat. Then she remembered that Ashley hadn’t really eaten in at least two days. Which left the blonde wondering if Ashley had eaten all week during her drinking binge. Especially after Ashley ordered and ate a second helping of pancakes.

“I am so not holding your hair back this time,” she warned when Ashley stole a sausage off her plate. Ashley grinned.

“Hey I have burned a LOT of calories so far this weekend. What with all the panting and thrusting and moaning and…”

“Ashley!” Spencer hissed blushing several shades of red. “Not so loud!”

“Awww Spence, are you embarrassed?” Ashley teased. Spencer glared at her girlfriend.

“Yes!” she responded although a hint of a smile tugged on the corner of her mouth. “Let’s not share the sordid details of your sex life with the wait staff, OK?” Ashley leaned over the table to whisper.

“OUR sex life, hon. I distinctly remember you being there,” she looked down at herself, loving being able to tease Spencer. “And down there.” She looked back up at Spencer to see her girlfriend roll her eyes in badly hidden amusement.

<OK, cool. I can kid with her. She’s not going to freak out if I tease her. Awesome> she thought, relieved. Her first reoccurring girlfriend, Maggie, hated it when Ashley teased about their sex life. It annoyed Ashley and left her feeling like Maggie was ashamed by the things they did, whereas Ashley wasn’t. In Ashley’s opinion if you were ashamed by what you did in bed, you must be ashamed about who you did it with. That ultimately led Ashley to stop being with Maggie. She wanted to feel comfortable with herself and Maggie made that difficult.

“You are so bad,” Spencer chided, biting into a strip of bacon. Ashley nodded.

“I try,” she said cheekily.

“I think you try too hard, babe,” Spencer said cheekily. Ashley’s face lit up.

“Awww, you called me ‘babe’. How cute,” she chuckled. Spencer watched her girlfriend’s happy face as the brunette turned her attention back to the remains of her breakfast. She couldn’t help but notice the not quite faded red hand print on Ashley’s cheek. Spencer knew that the waitress had noticed it too because the girl had given Spencer a dirty look.

(Yup, it’s up there like a big old freaking neon sign: I HIT MY GIRLFRIEND, I SUCK. Jesus I can’t believe I did that. It just hurt so much when she called me a ‘tease’. Just thinking that she thought I’d played her like that…makes me sick. She should know me better than that.) She thought sadly, chewing on more bacon.

(But she DOES know me better than that. She was just reacting to her own hurt. I can’t blame her; she raised a lot of good points about my family. And if anyone had told me that I’d had had sex with Ashley and be her girlfriend a week ago, I’da called the funny farm to get them a special fitting for a pretty white coat that ties in the back. I would have been too scared to even try last week. But not seeing her for a week and then seeing her again, especially in the state she was in made me realize exactly what she means to me. I was telling the truth when I accidentally said that I love her. I finally understand that that is what I’ve been fighting and so confused about.)

Ashley stole some bacon from Spencer’s plate, flashing the blonde a blinding smile that Spencer couldn’t help but to return.

(She is so beautiful. And smart, and funny and wonderful. I wish Mom could see that. I’m terrified of what she’s going to do. I don’t wanna be disowned and I don’t want… no I WON’T give up Ashley.)

“So, whatcha wanna do today?” Ashley asked, breaking Spencer from her overwhelming thoughts. Spencer bit her lip and thought.

(I can think of a few things) She smirked at Ashley who immediately caught on, putting up her hands in defense.

“Whoa there tiger! As much as I love being your love monkey, baby needs a rest. I got muscles hurting that I didn’t know could hurt. Playing around, maybe, but full on Spen-tastic sexing may have to wait…until tonight.”

Spencer felt the heat burn her ears as her blush rushed up. She honestly didn’t know that someone could blush as much as she was lately.

“Aww look, Spen-cer’s blush-ing,” Ashley pointed out, sing songing the words and dancing in her seat. She was the cutest thing Spencer could ever remember seeing.

“Would you like anything else?” the waitress returned and asked. Ashley actually thought about some funnel cakes for a moment before deciding that if she did eat anymore, she really would need someone to hold her hair back soon. She shook her head.

“Nah, I’m stuffed,” she chirped. She was incredibly happy and didn’t care who knew it. It was a new experience for her to be so sublimely happy and she planned to fully enjoy it.

“We’re all set, we’ll just take the check,” Spencer added. She watched as the waitress looked at Ashley’s still red cheek and then glared at her again.

(Like I don’t feel bad enough as it is) she sighed. (Now I get to be judged by people who have no idea who I am. Although I suppose I should get used to being judged unfairly. Ashley did warn me that it’ll happen when I come out the first time I told her that I thought I liked girls. Great)

Ashley smiled at her girlfriend and grabbed the check before Spencer could, whipping out her credit card.

“I got it, it’s mine,” she said, standing up.

“Ash…” Spencer started to protest. Ashley responded with a huge, obnoxious burp.

“Heh, I give that one an 8,” she said, ignoring the dirty looks her expulsion of gas had gotten her. She led Spencer to the cash register where their waitress rang them out. As she was signing the receipt, she looked up at the waitress.

“And just so you know, Becky,” she started, using the waitress’ first name, printed neatly on her name badge. “Normally I tip like whoa, since I am filthy rich.” She glanced at Spencer and winked. Spencer chewed on her lip to keep from laughing since she knew where Ashley was going with this.

“But since you’ve done nothing but glare at my girlfriend since we got here…don’t think that I didn’t notice that you never brought her the brown sugar she asked for for her pancakes…I’m not going to tip at all.” She handed the receipt to the shell shocked server.

“And just so you know, I got this,” she pointed to the palm print. “During some AWESOME rough sex with Blondie here.” She put her credit card in her wallet and grinned.

“Really, you need to watch out for the quiet ones.”

“Well, there’s a restaurant that we can never return to,” Spencer laughed in the car as Ashley headed to her dad’s house. Any embarrassment that she felt over Ashley’s monologue was erased when she saw the shocked, mortified, and horrified look on Becky the waitress’ face. That in it self made it worth it.

“Please, she so deserved it,” Ashley retorted. “She’s lucky that I didn’t go talk to the manager. Ug, I need a Tums.”

“You ate enough to feed the whole basketball team, I’m not surprised,” Spencer laughed. Her face then fell serious. “But Ash, about the slap...”

“Spencer,” Ashley sighed. “Look, it happened and you can’t take it back. If you sit there and brood on it, you’ll get stress wrinkles.” Spencer knew that her girlfriend was trying to lighten the mood but she refused to let it go.

“I know I can’t take it back but I can apologize. Look, it’s still red.” Ashley glanced in her rearview mirror and shrugged.

“Spencer, hon, trust me, I’ve survived worse. It’ll fade completely in probably another 30 minutes. And honestly, for what I said to you, I pretty much deserved it.” Spencer frowned.

“You never deserve to get hit, Ash. Especially not by me.” Spencer wondered if there was another issue in there but decided to let it go. If there were, Ashley would tell her in time. She just prayed that there wasn’t.

“How about instead of beating the dead horse, we both agree that we’re both right? I say you had every right to hit me and you say you didn’t and maybe we’re both right,” Ashley suggested. Spencer smiled at her girlfriend’s interesting logic.

“I think I can deal with that for now,” she agreed.

“Good,” Ashley said around a large yawn. “God, I so need a nap.”

“We’ll be back to your father’s soon. Then we can nap and maybe after that shower.” Spencer let her statement hang, hoping that Ashley would catch on to her meaning. The shiver that shook Ashley’s frame as well as the light blush told Spencer that the brunette had indeed caught on.

“You know what they say, Spence. ‘Conserve water; shower with a friend.”

Ashley fell asleep nearly the moment her head hit the pillow, pressed up against Spencer’s back with one arm thrown over the blonde’s side. Spencer loved the feeling of the older girl holding her so tight. Despite her own lingering turmoil over her actions, she too slipped into a blissful sleep not long after Ashley.

Spencer woke up to the feel of hot kisses along her back, her shirt pushed up to grant Ashley access to the soft, smooth skin. She moaned at the gentle touch of Ashley’s tongue licking along her spinal column, feeling as though all her nerve endings suddenly started sparking below the surface. The touch of Ashley’s tongue was electrifying.

“Mmmm, time to wake up, baby,” Ashley breathed against her skin.

“Trust me, I’m awake,” Spencer husked. She felt Ashley smile against her back.

“You taste good,” the brunette added, making Spencer hiss in pleasure by sucking a patch of flesh below her left clavicle into her mouth and biting down slightly. She then spent several enjoyable moments soothing the area with her tongue and then moving higher.

Spencer wiggled beneath her, letting out a low moan when Ashley pushed her completely onto her stomach and then laid down on top of her.

“You like that?” Ashley asked, her hands snaking up higher into Spencer’s shirt. Spencer moaned again as Ashley raked her nails down the now over sensitized skin of her back. She could feel Ashley grinding slowly against her, could feel her heat through their thin sleep clothes. It was all making Spencer’s blood boil with desire.

The blonde growled low in her throat, increasing the intensity of the throbbing between Ashley’s legs. She wanted Spencer so badly it hurt but she also understood the older girl’s desire to wait. Already forming in her mind was a plan for Spencer’s ‘new first time’. When the time was right, she’d implement it. Until then, well, no one said she couldn’t play some.

She waited until the low growl of her girlfriend picked up in volume and suddenly dismounted the hot body below her and jumped to the floor.

“I’m gonna go take a shower, Spence. Byes!” She took off running towards the bathroom when Spencer lifted her flushed face and deep, dark, desire filled blue eyes glared at her.

If Ashley had stayed a few seconds longer, she would have seen one pale brow twitch slightly and a somewhat evil gleam cross those blue eyes.

Ashley stood under the spray of the water, already shaking from a mix of arousal, anticipation and a twinge of fear.

(What if I pushed a little too far, just now? Crap, I don’t want to upset her. I was just playing. I should go out there and apologize) She reached for the off switch of the large standing shower stall when a pale hand darted through the small opening in the door and grabbed her wrist. She’d left the door open a bit in case Spencer wanted to join her.

Her heart jumped to her throat when those slender fingers clamped down and she raised her eyes to see Spencer staring at her, sans clothing. Watching the blonde step into the stall opposite her, still holding her wrist, all Ashley could do was stare.

She hadn’t seen Spencer completely naked before and was completely captivated by the vision in front of her.

“Carpet matches the drapes, cool,” she smirked. The smile faded when she saw the intense look in Spencer’s eyes. She cleared her throat nervously.

“Look, Spence, I was just playing around before…” Spencer’s other hand came up and she pressed three fingers on Ashley’s lips to silence her.

“Are you trying to punish me for wanting to wait?” Spencer asked, her voice low and rumbling, sending chills up Ashley’s spine despite the hot water currently spraying her body.

“N…” Spencer’s fingers pressed harder against her lips, telling her not to speak. She shook her head forcefully, trying to make Spencer understand that it was never her intention to make it seem like that.

Spencer stepped closer and before Ashley registered it, the fingers on her lips were removed and replaced with lips and tongue. A hot tongue that demanded entrance to her mouth and she willingly obliged. She moaned low in her throat when teeth bit down hard enough to hurt and her lip was sucked into the warm cavern of Spencer’s mouth. The tip of Spencer’s tongue flicked back and forth over the captured lip, quick hard motions that made Ashley dizzy with want.

The water was soaking them both as Ashley felt herself being pushed into the corner of the stall. The tile was cool against her back and she groaned at the difference in temperature. Spencer had released her wrist and now one hand was on Ashley’s side while the other teased and taunted the brunette’s right breast, squeezing and massaging, pinching to the point of pleasant agony. Ashley thought her legs would give out right there when Spencer released her mouth and started lavishing the same treatment on her neck and slowly moving to her ear.

Spencer’s tongue delved into the sensitive organ, in and out as teeth nibbled on the cusp. Ashley never realized how sensitive her ears were before Spencer. But this treatment alone was driving her insane.

“God, Spencer, please,” she begged.

“Sssshhhhh,” Spencer blew in her ear. The hand that had been stroking Ashley’s side moved up into Ashley’s hair, nails digging into scalp as fingers massaged. Between the hand in her hair, the one still torturing her breasts and that talented tongue working her ear and neck, Ashley was on fire.

She scratched her nails down Spencer’s back, knowing somewhere in her mind that she may have just drawn blood but didn’t care. She had to have Spencer’s body against hers. The weight of the blonde pushed her harder against the wall as a pale thigh slipped between her own.

“Spencer…” she breathed, panting as Spencer continued ravaging her neck and thrust her thigh higher into Ashley’s center. “Spencer, please…” A harsh and sharp tug on her hair made Ashley gasp.

“Quiet,” Spencer growled, pulling harder, making Ashley arch her neck back, giving Spencer full access. Somewhere in Ashley’s mind she wondered if she should be as incredibly turned on as she currently was by Spencer’s behavior. Or slightly worried. She went with turned on as Spencer’s other hand left her breast to scratch at her abdomen. Those fingernails danced over the taunt muscles of Ashley’s belly, lightly at first, then digging in and leaving red tracks along the skin. It hurt and it felt so good.

Spencer lowered her mouth to one of Ashley’s breasts, biting the soft heaving globe, making Ashley gasp. The pain distracted the brunette for a moment. Spencer took advantage of the distraction and without warning, roughly thrust two fingers into Ashley.

“Jesus!” Ashley cried, her head flinging back quickly, colliding with the tile wall with a loud crack. Stars danced in her vision and she vaguely wondered if she just concussed herself; that thought floated away as she felt Spencer’s fingers moving inside her and a harsh bite of teeth over a sensitive erect nipple.

The blonde was expertly using her thigh to plunge her fingers deeper and harder, causing friction heat to add to the sensations invading Ashley’s body. Part of her couldn’t believe the roughness in which Spencer was treating her, but she couldn’t deny the fact that she wanted it. Enjoyed it.

She raised her left leg and draped it over Spencer’s hip, giving her lover better access. She was rewarded for this action with another finger entering her. She heard herself moan as those wonderful fingers stroked inside of her, tugging, pulling, lashing and filling every inch. She felt stretched, full, and fantastic.

She wrapped one hand in Spencer’s hair as the blonde continued to lick and bite her breasts and nipples, pulling that talented mouth closer. She met each thrust of Spencer’s hand and thigh with her hips, driving her girlfriend deeper, pain mixing with ecstasy into an addictive mix. Never before had Ashley gone to such a place with a lover. But then again she never had the level of trust or, even if she couldn’t say it, the level of love that she felt with Spencer. She trusted Spencer implicitly and was willing to go wherever the blonde took her.

All thought left the brunette as the heel of Spencer’s hand pressed against her clit, moving in circles of increasing pleasure. Ashley was gone; replaced by a writhing, moaning, crying, begging, pleading, panting entity beseeching release.

Her fingernails dug into Spencer’s scalp as the other hand flailed wildly trying to find something to grasp, to ground herself to anything but it simply slipped across wet tile, empty. Finally she grasped Spencer’s shoulder, again digging in hard enough to leave bruises as she squeezed desperately.

She roared her release, screaming her throat raw as Spencer didn’t stop her administrations, quickly causing another more powerful orgasm to flood through her, weakening her legs and causing her to slip.

Ashley slowly became aware again, the sound of soft whimpering filling her ears. Then the feeling of a warm, soft body pressed into her own registered. Only this time it was supporting her, holding her up gently as a whisper of a voice soothed in her ear.

“I love you, baby,” she heard Spencer breathe into her ear. “I didn’t mean to hurt you.” It was then that Ashley realized that the whimpering she could hear was herself.

Absolute bliss still captured her body, making Ashley unable to really respond or stop the flow of whimpers coming from the back of her throat. She leaned her face into the crook of Spencer’s neck, absently noticing that they were still in the shower, and tried to catch her breath.

“Baby, I’m sorry,” Spencer was near tears, still confused as to what impulse had come over her to take Ashley so roughly. It scared her, this new intense side that seemed to have surfaced. And now she was scared that she’d crossed a line with Ashley. The trembling, crying form in her arms suddenly seemed so frail. Spencer tightened her hold with one arm, the other moving to stroke at the wet hair currently covering Ashley’s face.

She shivered as she felt teeth close on the soft flesh of her earlobe and a soft, raw voice in her ear.

“Thank you.”

After Spencer was sure that Ashley could stand on her own, she released her hold on her eerily quiet lover and grabbed the soap. Lovingly she soaped up the tan body in front of her, paying special attention to the alarming number of bruises and bite marks that she’d left on that magnificent body.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered sadly as she ran shaking hands over red marks, scratches and not a few outright gouges.

(God, I say I love her but look at the pain I inflict on her. I’m a monster)

Silently, Ashley covered those shaking hands with her own, drawing Spencer’s attention to her face. She smiled and Spencer felt some of her guilt lessen at the love and genuine warmth in the other girls’ expression. Ashley then kissed each of the fingers on the hands that Spencer felt were inflicting nothing but pain. Liquid brown eyes stared into Spencer’s blue, conveying warm understanding, acceptance, love, and support. The depth in those eyes eliminated Ashley’s need to tell Spencer that she hadn’t done anything wrong. Those amber pools said it for her.

“Baby, I love you,” Spencer whispered, leaning forward and kissing Ashley gently. She felt Ashley hum into the kiss.

After they parted, Spencer reached for the shampoo and poured it into her hands, working it into a lather and then starting to slowly wash Ashley’s luxurious hair. She massaged the soap into Ashley’s scalp, only stopping when she found a bump on the back of the other girl’s head and Ashley hissed.

“Sorry,” she whispered. “You ok?” Ashley nodded slightly.

“Hit my head,” Ashley murmured barely audible. Spencer thought a moment and then recalled when Ashley had tossed her head back into the wall. She winced as she remembered the dull crack she’d heard.

“Poor baby,” the blonde said softly, carefully washing the hair in that area. She continued to scrub Ashley’s hair until she felt it was time to rinse. She then made sure that every inch of the silky brown locks was clear of soap.

When Spencer was done, Ashley turned around and faced her.

“Your turn,” she said, reaching for the soap. Spencer grasped Ashley’s wrists gently.

“I got it, honey. Get out and dry off and I’ll be right behind you,” she instructed. Ashley nodded.

“’k,” she agreed, climbing out. She was still too content and happy to argue. Spencer wondered if the brunette was concussed. She was just too quiet.

Finished with her own cleaning ritual, Spencer turned off the now only lukewarm water and stepped from the shower. She was surprised to find Ashley waiting for her, holding a large, fluffy peach colored towel open for her to step into and a broad smile. Ashley wrapped the soft material around her dripping girlfriend and helped the blonde to dry herself.

“Thank you,” Spencer smiled as she tied the towel around herself. Ashley leaned in and kissed her.

“You’re welcome.” She took Spencer’s hand and led her back into the bedroom. Glancing at the clock, Spencer rolled her eyes.

“It’s after 4. We should head back,” she said sadly. Ashley nodded, frowning.

“Yeah, back to reality, however much it sucks,” she sighed. Spencer pulled on the hand still grasped tightly in her own and pulled Ashley around to face her. With her other hand, she reached up and stroked the side of Ashley’s face lovingly.

“Sweetie, about the shower…” she started, feeling overwhelmed with the need to apologize. Ashley reached up and covered Spencer’s hand with her own while shaking her head.

“Baby, don’t,” she said gently. “Don’t apologize, OK? You don’t have to. It’s all right.” Tears leaked past long lashes, splashing down Spencer’s face as her girlfriend forgave her. Although Spencer knew that Ashley felt she had nothing to apologize for.

“I won’t ever…” she breathed. Ashley moved her hand to cover Spencer’s lips.

“Sshhhh, Spencer. It’s ok. I swear. It’s ok.” Spencer leaned into the smaller frame and let herself be enveloped by warm loving arms. And then let herself cry in the safety of that embrace.

The ride back home was long, the girl’s getting snarled in endless lines of traffic and cars, honking horns and angry drivers. But neither of them cared. They enjoyed the presence of the other in the small confines of the car, the radio playing softly between them.

Spencer held onto Ashley’s hand for nearly the entire trip while the brunette drove, releasing her hold only when Ashley needed both hands to drive. She would always return her hand to Spencer’s waiting one once it was safe enough. Neither girl wanted to waste a moment during the drive, knowing that once they returned to their lives, away from their weekend oasis, that they wouldn’t be able to be open with each other. They’d have to get by on surreptitious touches when no one was looking, longing glances and knowing smiles. At least until Spencer was ready to face her parents with the truth.

Ashley was ok with this now, mostly. She knew that it was going to be difficult to no be able to hold Spencer’s hand without arousing suspicion. She wanted to be able to hold Spencer’s hand in the hall at school or out shopping, wherever. She wanted to be able to kiss her girlfriend at school, just a little peck as they separated for classes or in the quad during lunch.

Ashley felt so validated knowing that Spencer loved her. All her life, she’d been the odd piece, the left over bolt that had no use in her own family. She felt empty, worthless, invisible in her own life. No one cared what happened to her, no one worried whether or not she lived to see the next day. If she fell off the earth tomorrow, she knew that there was a line of people who’d cheer and throw a party. A party that would no doubt be thrown by Madison Duarte and Paula Carlin. Hell, her own mother would probably gladly foot the bill.

But now knowing that Spencer loved her, Ashley felt like she mattered. She couldn’t be that bad a person if someone as sweet, sensitive, and caring as Spencer could find something worth loving in her. It made her so proud and happy; her parents’ negligence and the scorn of the general school population couldn’t hurt her anymore. She had Spencer. And that was all she needed.

She couldn’t wait until the day came where she could look into Madison’s twistedly pretty face and shoot down whatever remark the head cheer bitch said about her being a horrible, insignificant freak with the truth. She wanted to look into the faces of all her detractors and scream ‘Look! I AM worth something! I am not a freak! Spencer loves me and you can’t hurt me anymore!’. She knew that day was in the future, possibly the far future, but just having it there, waiting for her made the wait worth it.

“You’re awful quiet, Ash,” Spencer spoke up as she spied their exit. “Are you sure you’re not concussed?” She saw Ashley smile from the corner of her eye.

“I’m sure,” the brunette giggled. “I’ve got a thick skull, you know that. Doesn’t even hurt anymore.”

“I’m going to be so grounded when I get home. You know that, right?” Spencer pointed out. Ashley nodded.

“Oh yeah. Mama Carlin is gonna lock you away in the stone tower to protect you from the big, bad, scary gay Ashley and her evil lesbian magic,” she joked, earning a swat on the arm from her girlfriend.

“Well, that’s just pointless. I’m already a lesbian,” Spencer laughed.

“Ah HA! My evil mojo has worked! I have succeeded in converting another sweet innocent to the Sapphic side,” Ashley cackled in a fairly accurate imitation of the villain from Dudley Do right. “Where’s my toaster?” Spencer frowned.

“Toaster?” (concussion?) she wondered. Ashley glanced at her.

“Sorry, gay joke,” she snickered. “It plays on the whole ‘gay agenda’ bullshit and that ‘headquarters’ sends any lesbian that ‘converts’ a girl a toaster.” Spencer nodded.

(Funnier than a concussion at least) she smiled.

“Then what do gay guys get?” she asked. Ashley shrugged.

“Free window treatments? Oh! Or maybe a DVD set of Queer as Folk,” she suggested. They both burst out laughing. The rest of the ride was spent laughing and joking until the Carlin home appeared in front of them

“I guess I should go in,” Spencer said softly after they’d sat for several minutes just staring at each other.

“Yeah,” Ashley agreed, squeezing Spencer’s hands in her own.

“Ash, I…I really want to kiss you right now,” Spencer admitted shyly. Ashley smiled.

“I’d hold off on that,” she responded, making Spencer frown.

“What? Why…” Loud, hard banging on the window near her head made Spencer jump and scream. She turned to look into the HIGHLY irate face of her mother. She turned back to Ashley.

“Ah, yeah I see,” she sighed. “A little better warning next time?” Ashley nodded.

“You bet. Good luck.” Ashley squeezed the soft hands in her own one last time before reluctantly letting go. With one last longing smile, Spencer pressed her lips together in a mock kiss to Ashley and exited the car.

“Hey, Mrs. C.!” Ashley called cheerfully to the older woman currently trying to kill her with a glare. “Thanks for letting Spencer take care of me this weekend. I was so sick. I don’t know what I’d do without a friend like her.”

“Good night, Ashley,” Paula said curtly, slamming the door and leading Spencer towards the house. Ashley saw Spencer look back once while she pulled her car away from the curb before Paula ushered her roughly inside.

(God, Spence, I hope you’re ok) she thought sadly.

The door wasn’t even completely shut before Paula started screaming.

“I can not believe your behavior lately, Spencer Ryan Carlin!” she bellowed. Spencer rolled her eyes and closed the front door, not wanting the whole neighborhood getting a free show. She leaned against the door and looked at her mother.

“Mom, all I did was take care of a sick friend,” she said, trying not to smirk as the memory of events over the weekend flashed through her mind.

(I’m not exactly lying) she thought happily. (Ashley was sick and I did take care of her when I first got there. Granted she wasn’t sick all weekend but it sure was fun.)

“You left school and went to Venice Beach without checking for permission first,” Paula ranted. “Then you stayed there when I told you to come home. You are not Ashley’s parent, protector or as of this moment, FRIEND!” Spencer’s mouth dropped in shock. She glared at her mother, feeling an unfamiliar surge of hatred settle in her chest. It was hot, it burned and it hurt.

“How dare you?” Spencer hissed, her voice shaking in barely concealed rage. “How dare you try to run my life for me? You do not get to choose my friends for me! I have my own mind, opinions and I’m not just going to give them up because they don’t agree with yours!”

“I am your parent!” Paula roared back, her face turning red with anger.

“NOT MY KEEPER! I am your child, not your slave. You’re job was to raise me and teach me right from wrong and to think for myself. Not control me.” She pushed past her mother and headed to the stairs.

“Don’t you walk away from me!” Paula screamed. Spencer stopped and turned back around.

“Mom,” she started, trying to stay calm but suddenly feeling so tired she felt weak. “I’m not going to stand here and be screamed at…”

“I am your mother and you will do as I say,” Paula growled threateningly. Spencer did not like that tone of voice.

“You complain all the time that you feel like you’re ‘losing me’, Mom. Did it ever occur to you that you might be what’s driving me away?” Spencer shouted in response. “’Spencer do this’, ‘Spencer do that’. ‘Spencer date that boy because it’s expected’, ‘Spencer don’t be friends with her because I have issues’. Screw you and your issues with Ashley. She is a part of my life and that is not going to change.”

“Spencer, I only want what’s best for you,” Paula tried. “Ashley is a bad influence. Her and her lifestyle go against everything that I raised you to believe…”

“Because what you raised me to believe is wrong about being gay, Mom,” Spencer said, her voice firm.

“It’s unnatural and wrong. It goes against God,” Paula preached. The sound of her mother’s voice was starting to make Spencer nauseas.

“How can love possibly go against God?” she asked. “How can two people in a loving relationship go against God? Just because they’re the same sex? Come on, Mom, wake up! The world is a freaking mess; I think the last thing God gives a crap about is homosexuality!”

“It’s a sin,” Paula declared firmly. Spencer rolled her eyes again.

“’Love is a sin’; great lesson to teach your kid, Mom,” she started heading up the stairs.

“You are grounded, young lady. I want your cell phone and laptop. From now on I will be taking you to and from school. You understand?” Paula informed her daughter. Spencer stopped on the stairs against and turned to glare at her mother.

“What does Dad have to say about it?”

“He doesn’t get a say,” Paula said gruffly. “He should have insisted that you come home the moment you called. But he’s a pushover when it comes to you and let’s you do whatever you want…”

“Probably because HE actually trusts me,” Spencer spat. “He knows that I can make my own decisions and isn’t threatened by my independence.”

“Phone and laptop!” Paula demanded. Spencer smirked.

“Send Dad after them.” She took up over the stairs and slammed her bedroom door shut. She then locked it and took several deep breaths to calm herself.

(Well, THAT sucked ass) she sighed. She flopped down on her bed and took out her phone.

(Better call and let Ashley know what’s going on before the Gestapo arrives for my contraband phone) she giggled to herself as she dialed the familiar number. She was scared, tired and upset. But she was determined to get through the whole mess. She was going to be with Ashley despite her mother.

Ashley arrived home to her own problems.

“Tell your little ‘friends’ that I am not your keeper,” her mother huffed angrily. “If they don’t know where you are then it’s not my problem.” Ashley rolled her eyes in annoyance.

“Yeah, Mom, your daughter being missing for a week is SO not your concern,” she said snidely. “Next time I’ll make sure that I get kidnapped and raped by some psychopathic, serial-killing trucker and dumped in a ditch. That way you’ll be rid of me permanently.”

“Don’t you get smart with me,” Mrs. Davies warned. Ashley put her hands on her hips and glared at her mother.

“Oh don’t worry, I won’t, Mom. I’d hate for you to have to think with your actual brain instead of your twat for 5 fucking minutes.” For the second time that day, Ashley’s cheek stung from a sharp impact. Licking away the small trickle of blood on the inside of her lip where her tooth had cut in, she let out a small humorless chuckle.

“That’s your solution to everything, isn’t it, Mom?” she asked sarcastically. “Hit it or throw money at it, whatever gets it to go away.”

“Ashley, this is my home. I am not going to put up with having your latest conquests arriving at all hours, interrupting me from my company just because you’ve decided to go off on some jaunt without telling them,” her mother yelled, not at all apologetic for striking her willful daughter.

“Fine, Mom, whatever,” Ashley sighed and headed towards the stairs.

“Oh and Ashley, honey,” her mother’s voice had taken on the false sweet tone that Ashley hated. She stopped and turned around to look at her mother.

“What?”

“I’m having company over this weekend. Don’t be here.”

“Hullo?” she said into her phone, having not checked the caller ID when it rang minutes later. Ashley honestly didn’t know how she could be so happy on one hand, thinking of Spencer and what they shared, and so hurt on the other because of her mother’s treatment of her. Sometimes she felt like she was two different people; a confident nearly adult and a frightened child.

“Hey Ash,” Spencer’s warm voice carried through the phone and washed over Ashley’s stressed nerves, calming her. She smiled.

“Hey, baby, how did it go?” Ashley walked into her bathroom to inspect her lip while Spencer spoke.

“God, my mother totally flew off the handle. She’s trying to ground me and take away my phone and computer,” Spencer sighed. Ashley felt the unspoken pain of her girlfriend, knowing first hand how much it hurts when a parent turns on you.

“Well, you’ve still got your phone,” Ashley joked. “What did you tell her?” She heard Spencer giggle slightly.

“I told her that she was wrong about you and if she wanted my phone and stuff, to send my father after it,” she admitted, the pride in Spencer’s voice carrying clearly over to Ashley. “I figured he’d be less likely to agree with the whole thing if he knew about it.”

“Wow, you go babe. I’m proud of you,” Ashley said happily as she turned her lip out to look at the small cut. Rolling her eyes at her mother’s actions, she left the bathroom and flopped down on her back.

“So am I. It was scary though,” Spencer agreed. “Was your Mom home when you got there?” Ashley considered telling Spencer the truth for a minute but decided that Spencer had enough to worry about without adding Mrs. Davies to the list.

“Neh, the old bag wasn’t even home. Probably on her back somewhere with like, the pool boy or something,” she lied easily. She hated lying to Spencer but didn’t really feel that the truth was worth mentioning.

(Besides, just another part of my wonderful life) she thought sadly.

“Ashley, she totally flipped out,” Spencer said quietly. “She even said that I wasn’t allowed to be your friend.” Ashley felt her stomach plummet. It hurt to know that you were so disliked by a friends parents, especially a girlfriend’s parents when technically you hadn’t done anything but be yourself.

“Spence, you knew she was gonna be pissed,” Ashley tried to soothe her girlfriend.

“I know,” Spencer sighed. “It still hurt though. Made me angry too.”

“I know, baby. But we’ll get through this,” Ashley reminded her lovingly. She wanted Spencer to understand that she was going to be right there, next to Spencer’s side no matter what Paula tried to pull.

“Thanks, Ash. That makes me feel a lot better,” Spencer said happily. There was a pause as Ashley heard something in the background. Then the blonde sighed. “I gotta go, Ash. My dad’s at my door. I probably won’t be able to call again so, I just want to say good night and I love you.”

“Night, Spence. You too,” Ashley responded. It was the closest she could get right now to ‘I love you’. She knew that it was something Spencer needed to hear. And she could tell by the happy gasp that it was enough to please Spencer.

“Thank you for that, Ashley Davies. Bye.”

Spencer’s father somehow got her grounding down to being only a week without phone and computer although she did still have to ride with Glen and Clay. Although that morning, Glen hitched with Madison and Clay simply drove her to the corner where Ashley was waiting. Dropping her off with a knowing smile, Clay waved at Ashley and drove away.

“Have I ever mentioned how much I love Clay?” Ashley wondered as Spencer shut her door and leaned over for a morning kiss.

“Mmmm no, not that I remember,” she smirked. “Although I better be the only Carlin you’re in love with, Ashley,” she continued, her tone teasing. “I think I’m the possessive type.” Ashley burst out laughing as she pulled into traffic.

“Judging by the bite marks on my neck, inner thigh, and various other places, I’d have to agree, hon.” Spencer felt herself blush hot. She covered her face with her hand, mortified.

“Hey, hey, Spence, don’t be all embarrassed,” Ashley soothed. “I told you that I liked it. I’m yours and I love it.”

“I know,” Spencer agreed. “I just…I don’t understand where some of these impulses are coming from. I mean, yeah I may not be as ‘sweet and innocent’ as everyone thinks but, God, some of the things I did to you this weekend…”

“Babe, I told you not to worry about any of that. It was fucking hot and I loved every second of it,” Ashley reminded her lovingly. Spencer nodded and smiled.

“I know. I loved it too. I just wonder where it’s all coming from,” she explained. Really she was confused as to her seeming need to be so rough at times. She loved Ashley deeply and in Spencer’s mind, love and sex went together in a gentle way.

“Spencer, you’ve grown up in a strict religious household,” Ashley began as way of explanation. “And you’ve always gone along, done what was expected of you to fit the image others had of you. Of course this is just my observation. But, hon, you were confined. And now with me, you can be free. And right now, it’s intense for you.”

“Wow, Ash, those years of therapy sure do come in handy,” Spencer laughed as they pulled into the school parking lot.

“Oh ha ha,” Ashley scoffed. She shut off the car and looked longingly at Spencer. “I really wish I could kiss you right now.” Spencer frowned, looking around the lot cautiously.

“Ash…”

“I know, babe,” the brunette whispered. She reached across the space between them and grasped Spencer’s hand. “I understand. Too many chances someone could see. It’s ok.” Spencer gave her a bright loving smile. Slowly, careful of anyone seeing, Spencer brought Ashley’s hand to her mouth and placed an open-mouthed kiss on the palm, making Ashley shiver with desire when Spencer’s tongue darted out to lick quickly.

“God, the things you do to me,” Ashley gasped. Spencer’s smile turned lustful.

“The things I want to do TO you,” she husked. Ashley shivered again, groaning.

“Crap, how am I supposed to get through the school day now?” she whined pitifully. She was so turned on it almost hurt. Spencer laughed.

“Aw I wish I could help,” she said honestly. And she really wanted nothing more at that moment than to touch Ashley and feel the brunette’s skin against her own. Unfortunately, the first bell rang reminding both girls of where they were and why.

Ashley groaned unhappily.

“Wanna skip?” she asked hopefully. Spencer bit her lip and shook her head.

“I do. But we can’t,” she said solemnly. “Besides, you’ve already missed a week. You can’t afford to miss anymore.” Ashley rolled her eyes.

“Ug, slave driver,” she muttered. They exited the car, grinning goofily at each other as they walked through the parking lot.

“God, stop with the ‘fuck me’ eyes, freaks,” Madison spat as she passed them. “You’ll infect the rest of us with your gay germs.” Ashley spun around angrily.

“Cierra la boca puta, o te pateo los ovarios!” she yelled in Spanish at Madison’s back. The Latina stopped and turned back around to face Ashley.

“Maricona,” she shot back. Spencer watched the two girls, confused.

“Coño,” Ashley sneered. Madison put her hands on her hips.

“Ashley, what’s going on?” Spencer cut in. Madison turned her attention to the blonde.

“You should be more careful who you sleep with, Spencer. God knows what kinda nasty STD you’re gonna get from that whoring piece of homo-trash.” Spencer rolled her eyes.

“Oh give it a rest, Madison,” she snapped.

“She’s just going to use you and dump you like she does everyone else, Spencer,” Madison warned more to stick it to Ashley than actually warn the blonde. “You’re a conquest, nothing more. Cuz that bitch isn’t capable of caring for anyone but herself.”

“No, Madison, that’s you,” Spencer retorted. Unseen by Spencer and Madison, Ashley frowned, hurt by the head cheerleaders words. Part of her was afraid that Spencer would believe Madison while a small part wondered if she was right.

(Can someone like me, with my history, love someone like Spencer the way she deserves?) she bit her lip with worry.

“Hey ladies, what’s going on?” Aiden said as he approached, breaking Ashley from the thoughts that she’d been trying to avoid since she first kissed Spencer. Madison huffed and stomped away. Ashley looked at Spencer.

“And today had started soooo well too,” she sighed.

TBC