Down To One

Title: Down to One

Author: Aeryn Sun

Email: willowrose_98@yahoo.com

Feedback: If the whim strikes.

Archiving: Ask, and ye shall receive. Just ask first.

Rating: PG to start, but you can never tell with me

Spoilers: All but mostly ‘Friends with Benefits’

Series/Universe: None. Yet. Heh

Summary: Spencer tries to deal with the fallout of her evening with Ashley and Aiden.

Couple: Ashley/Spencer

Warning: If the idea of two women involved in a romantic relationship together disturbs you, run, run far far away and never look back. If it's illegal where you live, move quickly. If you're under the legal age, age quicker, it's fun here. Other than that, enter at your own risk, and enjoy.

Author's Notes: My first SoN fic. I haven’t seen all the episodes; so, bear with me while I learn the characters.

Disclaimer: Not mine. Never were. Not making any $$. Don't HAVE any $$. Don't sue.

“2 AM and she calls me cuz I’m still awake…” Ashley sat singing quietly to herself in the quad during lunch, anxiously scanning the mass of various student bodies looking for her girlfriend. She hadn’t really had a chance to see the blonde since they parted earlier in the day to go to their separate classes. Ashley was seriously thinking of having her classes switched to match Spencer’s. At least she had been until she realized that that might constitute stalking in a few states.

“Can ya help me unravel my latest mistake…” she continued. Now having too much time to herself sitting alone on top of one of the tables, Ashley’s overactive mind started churning. Again and again she turned Madison’s harsh words over and over in her mind.

[[“She’s just going to use you and dump you like she does everyone else, Spencer. You’re a conquest, nothing more. Cuz that bitch isn’t capable of caring for anyone but herself.”]]

(But Spencer is so much more than a conquest to me) she thought, confused. (But I don’t know. I really don’t want to hurt her. God, I’ll die if I hurt her. Am I bad for her? Jesus I’m confusing the hell out of myself)

“I don’t love him…”

“Winter just wasn’t my season,” a voice finished from behind her. Ashley felt herself smiling before she even turned to face her girlfriend.

“Hey, babe,” Ashley greeted her quietly so that no one would overhear. Spencer walked closer and stood between Ashley’s knees, dangerously close. Ashley arched an eyebrow. “Spence?” Spencer smiled.

“Just two close friends is all, Ash,” the blonde explained. “Everyone knows that you and I are close. No one’s gonna say anything cuz I’m sitting between your knees.” Spencer then took a seat on the bench between where Ashley’s feet were resting, grinning up at the somewhat surprised brunette.

Ashley looked down at the smiling face just in time to see Spencer lick her lips in a decidedly sensual way as she maintained eye contact. Images of Spencer between her legs for something else flashed through Ashley’s mind, making her shudder.

“Someone’s a tad turned on,” Spencer teased happily. She loved being able to affect Ashley with nothing more than a simple glance. It made her feel incredibly wanted, and loved.

“When I think about you, hell yeah,” Ashley responded in a husky whisper. Spencer wagged her eyebrows, making Ashley roll her eyes and start to stand up. She wasn’t sure she could sit through the entire lunch with Spencer sitting where she was. It would drive her insane. Spencer’s warm hand on her knee stopped her.

“Where are you going?” the blonde asked, her grin turning lustful. “I was enjoying my view.”

“Torturer,” Ashley whined, sitting back down. Secretly she loved the way Spencer teased her. It added another layer of fun to everything. And the sheer fact that Spencer was willing, and actually initiating the flirty teasing on school grounds where anyone could see, alleviated some of Ashley’s silent worry over the whole ‘being out’ situation.

“Hey, after you called last night, I went out and got you this,” Ashley explained, handing Spencer a prepaid cell phone. “It’s all set up and everything. Just don’t get caught cuz you know your mom will kill me. Slowly.” Spencer smiled brightly.

“You are the best,” she said happily. Ashley preened.

“Yeah I know,” she joked.

“So, I meant to ask you, Ash, since when do you speak Spanish?” Spencer asked leaning in a little closer than she probably should have to Ashley’s crotch. Ashley tapped her on the head and shook her finger at her.

“Behave little miss ‘sweet and innocent’,” she warned while the smile on her face warmed Spencer’s heart. “I took Spanish in Junior High. Plus most of my mom’s staff is Hispanic so, I grew up learning it.”

“Then why are you failing conversational?” Spencer laughed. Ashley leaned down so that only Spencer could hear her.

“Well, maybe I just need the right tutor,” she husked, suggestively. She watched Spencer’s eyes darken with desire.

“Hey my two favorite ladies,” Aiden said happily as he unknowingly interrupted their flirt session. He sat down next to Spencer, Ashley’s leg separating them. Ashley resisted the urge to kick the poor clueless boy.

“Hey,” Ashley greeted somewhat less then enthusiastically.

“Hi Aiden,” Spencer was a bit more welcoming. Or at least better at keeping the annoyance from her voice than Ashley was. Aiden gave the blonde his best ‘I’m so hot and you know it why don’t you want me’ smile, making Ashley roll her eyes and make a face behind his back.

“Damn, Ash,” Aiden gasped, looking at the older girl when he was done using his eyes to uselessly flirt with Spencer. “Where were you this past week to get that?” He pointed at her shirt collar, which had dipped low enough to expose the still red and angry bite mark on her neck. Spencer turned her head to try and hide the rapidly deepening blush on her face.

“Nowhere,” Ashley growled out huffily. “None of your business.” Aiden laughed.

“As long as you made sure they had their rabies shot, cuz, whoa, that looks like it might leave a mark,” he joked, totally oblivious to the death glare from Spencer on his right. Ashley’s eyes narrowed.

“Do you and Glen actually go to a class that teaches you to be an ass? Cuz you’re both fantastic at it,” she snapped. Aiden shrugged, confused.

“What’s the big deal? God, Ash, all I was saying was you musta reeled in one hell of a kinky girl. Cuz I can see other marks…” Spencer suddenly stood up and looked at Ashley apologetically before stalking off. Ashley glared at the dumb boy.

“God, perv much?” she spat angrily, getting up to go chase her girlfriend. Aiden watched in utter bewilderment.

“What?” he asked no one in particular.

“Spence, wait up!” she called, jogging to catch up with the blonde who was nearly at the other side of the quad. “Spencer!”

Spencer ignored her, going straight into the girl’s bathroom. Ashley followed and found Spencer bent over the sinks, trying not to cry. She rubbed her girlfriend’s back, pushing the upset girl’s hair behind an ear.

“Ssshhh, babe, don’t let that idiot get to you,” she soothed. Spencer shook her head.

“You don’t understand,” she gasped, turning her head to look at Ashley. The brunette frowned.

“I understand that Aiden has the same brain capacity as a piece of rice, Spence. What more do I need to know?” Ashley joked, flashing a bright smile at Spencer, hoping to cheer her up. Spencer sighed and then walked around the bathroom to make sure they were alone. Ashley watched her silently until Spencer stopped and faced her.

“Did you hear what he said? ‘Kinky’! I’m kinky!” she said angrily. Ashley couldn’t keep her smile from growing.

“Spence, baby, that’s not a bad thing…”

“Ug, you don’t get it, Ashley,” Spencer said between her teeth. “I’ve been rough with you, hurt you…”

“You didn’t hurt me,” Ashley cut in sternly. “I am NOT hurt. And I’m not some fucking china doll that’s gonna break the first time you play with her, all right? So stop with the fucking ‘I’m a monster’ routine already.”

Spencer bit her lip and stepped closer, so that she was barely inches from Ashley’s face.

“Ashley,” she growled. “I was rough with you…and I liked it.” Ashley’s eyebrows shot up in surprise. Spencer leaned in and kissed her girlfriend, hard. Teeth and tongues warred with one another for several long minutes. Ashley pulled away to catch her breath.

“Wow,” she whispered. She looked up at Spencer who was watching her closely.

“I love being with you, Ashley. Touching you, feeling you in my hands, listening to you moan and pant for me,” Spencer husked. Desire sent a chill down Ashley’s spine and she visibly shivered.

“I want to be gentle, take my time with you,” the blonde continued, one hand stroking the skin exposed between Ashley’s low-rider jeans and crop top. The other stroked the side of Ashley’s face slowly.

“But then I get you in my arms, right there where I’ve wanted you for so long and, I lose control. I want so much. I want to experience every inch of you, touch it, own it. Make you mine…” she leaned in to lick Ashley’s neck. Vaguely Ashley wondered where Spencer’s fear of being seen and outed went to.

“I am yours,” the older girl gasped as Spencer sucked on the raw mark on her neck. The bell rang, signaling the end of lunch. Neither girl moved from where they stood. Spencer kept sucking and biting Ashley’s neck while Ashley tried to keep her knees from buckling.

“Shit, Spencer,” she panted. “If you don’t stop…” Spencer moved up and sucked Ashley’s earlobe into her mouth, biting down hard enough to make the brunette gasp.

“I don’t plan on stopping…”

(Oh God!) Ashley thought frantically as Spencer pulled her into a stall and slammed her against the closed door. She let out a ‘whooph’ of shock at the impact but it didn’t actually hurt, she was just stunned. Spencer’s mouth was dominating hers, stroking the sensitive places inside her mouth with reckless abandon.

“Spen…Oh God…Spencer, we could get caught…” she panted as Spencer moved to her neck and her hands cupped and rubbed Ashley’s breasts through the thin material of her shirt. Spencer could feel the hard tips of Ashley’s erect nipples against her palms.

“We won’t,” Spencer husked, pinching the sensitive tips with her fingers. Ashley gasped and arched into her girlfriend. Spencer reached down with one hand and undid the button and zipper of Ashley’s jeans, quickly slipping her hand down between the two fabrics. She teased Ashley through the wet cotton of her panties.

“So wet already,” she growled at Ashley. She could feel Ashley’s arousal soaking through her underwear and it turned Spencer on more. Ashley whimpered and pressed against the hand caressing her.

“More Spencer, please,” she pleaded. Between Spencer’s teasing that morning in the car and the blonde’s actions now, Ashley was quickly losing her mind. She wanted Spencer, wanted to be taken by Spencer so badly she didn’t give a damn whom might catch them.

Spencer slipped Ashley’s jeans down, taking them off the girls long tan legs with her hands, kneeling to remove the gasping girl’s shoes as she went. She leaned up and let her mouth play with the crotch of Ashley’s panties. Ashley whined in the back of her throat as Spencer licked her, the only thing separating that tongue from the source of her need being a thin piece of fabric. Spencer’s tongue moved up and down that small strip, pushing the wet material against over sensitive skin, making Ashley moan and pant.

Spencer stood up, putting the pants on the coat hanger on the door before then walking backwards, pulling Ashley with her until she bumped into the toilet and then sat down. She pulled her flushed girlfriend down to straddle her, moving Ashley’s legs up so that they were resting behind her back. If anyone did happen to come in, they’d only see one set of feet in the stall.

Ashley buried her hands in Spencer’s soft blonde hair.

“Please, baby, please,” she begged, rubbing her pelvis against Spencer’s and hissing at the friction caused by Spencer’s pants. Spencer nibbled on Ashley’s tempting jaw line.

“Please what?” she whispered. Ashley whimpered.

“Touch me, please…” There was a long pause as Ashley shivered with arousal and Spencer ran her hands up the slender girl’s back. “I want you, Spencer. Take me please…” Spencer growled at the words. Fire ran through her veins and the only thing that existed in her world at that moment was Ashley.

She pulled on the fabric of Ashley’s panties, hard, causing it to ride up into Ashley’s slit. Using her other hand, she repeated the process in the back. Ashley cried out softly as Spencer alternated tugs, front then back, in such a way that part of Ashley’s mind finally realized she was being fucked using her panties.

She lifted her hips slightly so that she could ride the material in synch with Spencer’s tugging. She whined and whimpered as Spencer played with her, giving her just enough pressure to push her desire higher and making her need for release more intense.

She let out a high pitch cry just as Spencer pulled very hard on the front. She was about to scream in ecstatic frustration when the door to the bathroom opened with a loud squeak.

Both girls froze as the newcomer entered the stall beside them. Sweat was dripping off Ashley as she looked at Spencer, her expression lustful mixed with apprehension. Spencer grinned evilly, at which Ashley desperately shook her head ‘no’. Spencer suppressed a giggle at the horrified look on her girlfriend’s face and then before Ashley could move, pushed two fingers past the underwear currently pulled tight and into Ashley’s core.

Ashley gasped loudly, a ragged broken sound.

“Are you alright?” the random girl in the next stall asked, concerned. Spencer smiled at Ashley as she started to thrust into the brunette quickly. Ashley was barely able to breathe, wanting so much to moan and scream at the intensely euphoric feelings Spencer was giving her but desperate not to get caught.

“Oh, I’m fine,” Spencer said calmly as Ashley bucked against her, biting her lip tightly in her teeth. She tasted the bitter tang of blood on her tongue as she accidentally reopened the cut her mother had caused the night before.

“Thanks though,” Spencer added. She leaned closer to Ashley and began to suck on an erect nipple through the thin material of the girl’s crop top. The sound of the toilet beside them flushing muffled Ashley’s hiss as Spencer bit down and added another finger inside of her. She rested her head in the crook of Spencer’s neck, panting silently against the skin there.

Spencer curled her fingers towards herself, looking for that spot she knew would drive Ashley insane. When Ashley froze and then desperately grasped at her shoulders, Spencer knew that she’d found it.

The girl had washed her hands and they heard the door squeak again, proving that she’d left. Spencer sped up her thrusting, rubbing hard against Ashley’s g-spot, watching and listening as her girlfriend lost control.

“Oh shit…oh God…Spencer…don’t stop…please…God don’t stop…never stop,” Ashley moaned, her head now tossed back as she met each thrust of Spencer’s hands with her hips. She could feel her climax approaching. It was more intense than any she’d had before, speeding towards her rapidly and with such force she was almost frightened.

Spencer loved watching Ashley this way. She wanted to memorize every moment so that she could play it back in her mind any time; every pant, moan, facial expression and pleading request. This was Ashley at her truest; no walls or facades for her to hide behind. She was totally vulnerable and Spencer was astounded that she was getting to see the mercurial brunette in such an open fashion. And that it was her bringing Ashley to such heights of passion.

She couldn’t wait for the day when she would feel Ashley do these things to her. She was starting to wonder if waiting had been the best idea. She’d spent the night apart from Ashley pleasuring herself and imagining that it was her girlfriend inside her, stroking her and making her cum. She was finding it hard to reconcile her desire for her ‘new first time’ to be special with her nearly overwhelming need for Ashley herself. She wanted Ashley to touch her, stroke her and be one with the girl she loved so much. She made a mental note to mention her wishes to Ashley later.

“AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” Ashley screamed as she came hard. The contractions of her inner muscles squeezed Spencer’s fingers painfully in the tight space. The brunette kept screaming as the orgasm continued, not releasing her from its waves of ecstasy. They rushed over her again and again, pushing her down and drowning her. She kicked out with her feet, only vaguely aware of the stinging in her left foot as it hit something hard.

Spencer watched the tendons in Ashley’s neck tighten and strain as she rode out the sensations flooding through her. The pink tint and slick sheen to the brunette’s skin made her even more undeniably hot at that moment in time.

When Ashley collapsed against her, breath labored and heavy, Spencer wrapped her arms around the older girl and held her tightly. The next bell rang, and Spencer smiled. She wondered if they’d make it to the last class or not. Ashley was lying against her like a limp sack of wet noodles with no seeming intention of moving soon.

The feel of hot tears on her neck surprised her. She pulled her face back a little to look into Ashley’s.

“Baby? What’s wrong?” she asked, concerned. Ashley didn’t look at her instead she hid behind the curtain of sweat dampened hair and shook her head.

“Ashley, please,” Spencer begged, worried that she’d inadvertently hurt Ashley badly. “Talk to me.” Ashley didn’t respond. Instead she curled herself around Spencer even tighter and sobbed. Spencer stroked the crying girl’s back in slow circles, seeking to comfort her girlfriend although she had no clue what was wrong.

33.

Spencer sat on her bed, a large frown marring her features. After Ashley had recovered enough to move after their bathroom escapade, she’d pulled on her pants and shoes, kissed Spencer lightly on the lips, pausing to stroke the confused girls’ cheek and then left the bathroom. And school grounds. Despite all of Spencer’s efforts to talk to her, the brunette had walked briskly away to her car and left.

Spencer spent her last class of the day (where she was late as hell) going over and over what had happened, looking for anything that she might have done wrong. It seemed to her the entire time that Ashley wanted her; hell Ashley had begged for her not to stop. So why did the older girl cry and then run like that? Spencer had been so wrapped up in her thoughts that she’d missed her teacher addressing her and earned herself a 3 page paper on Medieval knights and their code of honor due in a week as punishment for tardiness and inattention. It was either that or detention and with her mother coming to get her, Spencer knew that she couldn’t afford to stay after school.

So she stared at the cell phone Ashley had given her earlier, waiting for her girlfriend to respond to one of the fourteen text messages or seven voice mails that she’d left. It was nearly six at night and Ashley still hadn’t responded.

(I hope she’s ok) Spencer sighed. (I’m grounded and can’t even go looking for her. If I even try to leave the house, if I’m caught, I’ll never be allowed out again. Or anywhere NEAR Ashley. Mom will see to it and there’ll be nothing Dad could do)

“Fuck!” she muttered angrily. Part of her was pissed at Ashley for taking off like that without explanation. The rest of her was sick with worry. Visions of Ashley drinking herself to death or something filled her mind.

(This time I have no clue what I did to upset her. DAMN IT!) She lifted the phone and sent another text to Ashley.

[plz ansr me. Im sry. R u OK? I <3 u]

She sighed when there was no answer within ten minutes. Ashley always answered her almost immediately, even before they started dating.

(God, was that only a day or so ago? And I’ve already managed to screw it up twice. I still can’t believe that I slapped her like that yesterday morning. That was one time I didn’t enjoy being rough with her)

She hated herself for that one split second of time and vowed that if it took her until the end of days, she’d make it up to Ashley. Although Ashley seemed to take the whole thing in stride once the initial shock had worn off; something that secretly bothered Spencer. Ashley had totally glossed over the fact that she’d been struck by the one person that she was supposed to be able to trust. Almost like she’d expected it or something.

(There is so much that I don’t really know about her) Spencer fretted. (She doesn’t talk about anything like her childhood. And I suck because I never bothered to ask)

“Some girlfriend you are, Spencer,” she grumbled to herself. “Do you even know her favorite color? No, you don’t cuz you suuuuuuuuuuuuuuck.”

She stood up and stretched, groaning when her back snapped. The cramped places that she’d had sex with Ashley, like the backseat of the SUV and the stall in the bathroom had left her muscles sore. She had a fairly good idea of what Ashley had meant by the ‘damn that was good/happy’ kinda sore she’d mentioned the day earlier. While she knew she was probably no where near as sore as Ashley was, she was still sore.

(I didn’t get the chance to talk to her about my wanting to wait) she remembered. (I wanted to talk to her about being ready. God I want her so bad, want to feel her hands on me. Heh, who knew that I’d be such a sex-fiend? I don’t think I would be with anyone else really. I think it’s just a side Ashley brings out. She’s the only person that I’ve ever really felt like me around. I don’t have to pretend to be who I’m not and there’s such a sense of freedom in that.)

She changed into her pajamas and sat back on the bed, picking up the phone and debating whether or not to call or text again.

(Now I may never know what it’s like to be with her that way. She ran off so fast…I really want to talk to her. But I can’t stand this whole not talking to me thing she’s got going. It hurts every time she doesn’t answer me. But I’m so worried)

Finally she decided on a message to send, hoping that she didn’t seem too desperate or clingy.

[plz! I luv u. r u ok? U dnt hav 2 tlk. Txt me u r ok. PLZ]

Satisfied with her text, she set the phone down and flopped onto her back, staring at the ceiling. Despite her worry, she smiled when the phone beeped. Since Ashley was the only one with the number, Spencer knew that it was her girlfriend.

She flipped open the phone and her smile grew.

[sry. Im ok. C u AM. Same plce. Tlk 2 u thn]

(Well, she still wants to take me to school so she must not be all that mad) she thought happily. It didn’t last long though. She shut the phone and her face fell.

(What if the only reason she wants to drive me to school is so that she can end it? Oh God, what have I done?)

Ashley stared at the phone as it chimed from her bed stand. She knew it was Spencer. It had been Spencer all day, since she’d abandoned the beautiful blonde in the bathroom earlier. Ashley had stopped checking the messages after the first few, afraid that at some point Spencer’s text would go from ‘caring and worried’ to ‘pissed and hate filled’. Not that Ashley would blame her. She’d have been hurt and angry if Spencer had done something like this to her.

(How do I explain what happened when I don’t even understand it myself?) she wondered. All Ashley was sure of was that after her seemingly endless orgasm, she felt so at peace, so loved and contented that for that one moment, she was ultimately happy. She could have stayed right there in Spencer’s warm arms forever. And just as fast as that realization occurred to her, her insecurities rushed back even faster.

Here she was in the arms of someone who truly loved her; someone who didn’t love her because they were expected to, like her parents. And Spencer wasn’t someone who pretended to love her so that they could get something from her, like many if not most of her exes. Ashley figured that the only other person that she’d dated who had never wanted anything from her was Aiden. But Spencer was different from even Aiden. Spencer didn’t want her to change or to play a certain role; Spencer just wanted her, as is. With all of her faults and quirks, all of it.

And that scared Ashley.

When someone wanted something from her, whether it was sex or money or whatnot, they were easier to deal with. There was no emotion involved in interacting with them. She had the control; whether or not she gave them what they wanted was entirely up to her. But with Spencer, there were emotions involved. There was want and desire and Ashley knew, genuine, write-a-song-about-it, scream-it-from-the-rooftops love. And that was entirely new territory for Ashley. And it terrified the shit out of her.

Spencer loved her; she loved Spencer. And in Ashley’s mind that should be simple. But it was far from it. And she wasn’t the one in control, Spencer was. Ashley had never felt so out of control, out of her element as she did whenever she was with Spencer. And she was totally lost if Spencer dared touch her. Usually Ashley was no different from the people using her, using them right back. But not with Spencer. All she wanted was the blonde’s love, to be needed by the girl she loved as much as Ashley needed and loved her.

She knew that she did indeed have Spencer’s love. Now her worry of screwing it up was rearing its ugly head.

[[“She’s just going to use you and dump you like she does everyone else, Spencer.]] Madison echoed in her head, her ugly words twisting Ashley’s insides with fear and self-loathing.

(What if she’s right? What if I end up using Spencer even though I don’t mean to?) she sighed and curled up on her side. She hissed when she banged her sore foot, having realized earlier that she’d slammed it hard enough to bruise the side when she kicked the wall behind the toilet.

[[You’re a conquest, nothing more…..a conquest…a conquest]]

(Is that how I see Spencer? I don’t think I do but what if I influenced her to feel something that she doesn’t? What if I’ve somehow made her think that she feels something stronger than she really does? And what if somewhere in my mind I do only see her as a conquest; the pretty straight girl from out west, ‘let me get to her first’ sorta thing? I mean, I think…no, I know my feelings are real. They’re new, but genuine.)

[[Cuz that bitch isn’t capable of caring for anyone but herself.”]]

(Am I capable of really caring for someone other than myself? I mean, I am pretty self-centered, even I know that. Can I really love Spencer the way that she deserves? Or am I going to end up breaking her heart and destroying the friendship we have too?)

The phone chirped again. This time Ashley picked it up and flipped it open.

[plz! I luv u. r u ok? U dnt hav 2 tlk. Txt me u r ok. PLZ]

Ashley sighed and typed on the keypad, Spencer’s worry and concern for her making her feel even more guilty than she already did.

[sry. Im ok. C u AM. Same plce. Tlk 2 u thn]

Closing the phone, she decided to just try and sleep even though it was early. She lay on her back, wincing again as her body protested its rough treatment over the past few days. While Ashley herself loved it, her body wasn’t quite used to it. She knew that if she managed to sort it all out with Spencer tomorrow, she’d have to put off anymore extra curricular activities until some of the soreness faded in a few days. Otherwise she was going to be bedridden, and not in the good way.

Sighing, she hoped that she’d find the words to explain herself to Spencer in the morning.

Spencer climbed into the SUV apprehensively, afraid that Ashley was going to tell her that it was over and after they got to school to never speak to her again. She’d barely slept, all sorts of bad scenarios playing out in her mind as to why Ashley had behaved the way she did. She couldn’t even begin to express the relief that she felt when Ashley had finally text her back. She’d been so worried that the upset brunette was in trouble that the simple message had served to calm her greatly.

“Morning,” she said quietly. Ashley sighed at the lost and confused tone of Spencer’s voice.

“Mornin’,” she responded flatly, her own tone of voice not helping Spencer to feel any better.

“Ashley, about yesterday…” Spencer started, needing to talk about what was going on.

“You did nothing, absolutely nothing wrong, Spencer,” Ashley broke in. She pulled off to the side of the road, not trusting herself to be able to speak and drive at the moment. She unbuckled her seatbelt and turned to face her girlfriend who was staring intently at her hands folded in her lap.

“Spencer, look at me,” she asked. Spencer shook her head, afraid to look and possibly see anger or judgment in the brown eyes that she adored. “Please?” Unable to deny the pleading tone in Ashley’s voice, Spencer reluctantly raised her face to meet her.

Ashley stared into watery blue eyes, eyes so full of love and confusion that it broke her heart. She reached out and cupped the side of Spencer’s face watching the blonde lean into the touch.

“I’m not sure how to explain my actions yesterday,” she started, honestly. Spencer grasped the hand cupping her cheek in her own hand, holding it there.

“Take your time,” she whispered. Ashley bit her lip, making her undeniably adorable in Spencer’s eyes.

“When it was over, I was so happy,” Ashley continued. She looked down so that she wasn’t looking into Spencer’s bright ocean eyes. She moved her hands and grasped Spencer’s, pulling them into the space between them.

“Happier than I can ever remember being in my life. And I’m not just saying that because it’s the ‘right thing’ or romantic or what the fuck ever, I’m saying it cuz it’s the truth. You made…you make me feel so loved, so complete and beautiful and smart and wonderful…” She stopped, realizing that she was babbling and took a deep breath. Spencer simply sat, waiting.

“You make me feel like I’m special, that I’m somehow worth this wonderful love that you give me. No one’s ever made me feel worthy of anything. I always feel so empty and alone. Except when I’m with you.” She finally looked up and met Spencer’s loving gaze. The overwhelming emotions in those sapphire eyes stole her breath away.

“Then why did you run from me?” Spencer asked softy, trying not to let her hurt and confusion color her voice. Ashley sighed, a heavy painful sound.

“I got scared,” she finally admitted. Spencer frowned.

“Scared? Of what? Of me?” Ashley shook her head.

“No, no, not of you,” she said quickly. “That was the last thing I was afraid of, baby. No.”

“Then what?” Spencer wondered, leaning closer. Ashley looked down and away. She wanted desperately to tell Spencer the truth but wasn’t sure she had the strength. She fidgeted a little, then chewed on her lip before taking a deep breath and deciding to go for it.

“Of hurting you. Of being hurt by you. Of being all of the things Madison says I am. Of not loving you enough, the way you should be loved. Of screwing this up…”

“Ashley, you are not going to ‘screw this up’,” Spencer said, a small smile tugging on the corners of her mouth. “And you are not anything like what Madison said. You’re not.”

“Spencer, how can you know that? How can you be so sure when even I’m not?” Ashley was getting visibly upset as she spoke. Spencer pressed her fingers to Ashley’s full lips.

“Ashley, do you love me?” she asked. Ashley’s eyes grew wide in what Spencer figured was fear. “You don’t have to say it,” she said patiently, understanding. “Just agree or disagree. Do you love me?”

“Yes.” The word was small, fragile and broken but said clearly enough for Spencer to hear. She looked into Ashley’s conflicted brown eyes and smiled.

“Then I know.”

After a long talk about giving Ashley’s body a bit of a rest (and copious amounts of blushing and needless apologies from Spencer) the girls finished out the week happily, even if their time together was severely limited. Apart from the ride in, time between classes, a few shared studies and lunch, they had hardly any alone time together. Although they were learning how to make the most of every second. This lead to a few close calls in various areas of the school. But for the most part, those close calls only served to amuse the hell out of them both.

Spencer was slowly relaxing into who she was and this relationship she found herself in. Ashley was being so patient and understanding that Spencer had no doubt that one day, maybe soon, she’d feel safe and secure enough to be more out. Maybe start by telling Aiden or Clay.

(Baby steps) she reminded herself. (little steps)

By the time school ended on Friday, both girls were craving each other badly.

“Kissing in the car before school is so not cutting it for me,” Ashley complained while Spencer got her stuff from her locker. They figured that they had about 5 minutes before Spencer’s mother arrived and whisked the blonde away.

“Well, starting tomorrow, I am a free woman,” Spencer said happily, smiling broadly at Ashley.

“Woot woot!” Ashley teased, doing a little dance. Spencer swatted her with a notebook and laughed.

“Weirdo,” she chastised, the smile on her face taking any sting from her words. Ashley pretended to be wounded.

“Oh! ‘Weirdo’ she says. Oh my poor little feelings!” she ranted, complete with a hand dramatically draped over her forehead as she pretended to swoon. Spencer laughed loudly. Sometimes Ashley was just too funny. And it was wonderful to see that side of the brunette instead of her defensive one.

“Awww, poor baby,” Spencer cooed, leaning in to Ashley’s ear. “I promise to make it up to you this weekend.” Ashley froze and then grinned wickedly.

“Get a room, lesbos,” Madison snapped as she stalked by on her way to cheerleading practice. Her personal posse followed behind her giggling.

“Choke and die, Madison,” Ashley sighed, not really in the mood to argue with the snobby Latina. She just wanted to enjoy a few fleeting moments with her girlfriend without someone else’s stupidity ruining it.

Madison stopped and took a good look at Ashley, a smirk crossing her face.

“Tell me, puta, does the little girlfriend know where you go at night?” she sneered. “Looks to me like you’ve been whoring around.” She gestured at the still vivid red mark on Ashley’s neck, her smirk growing into a smile. “And we know that Spencer here isn’t like that. You’re the freak.”

“Fuck off, Madison,” Spencer snapped, eliciting ‘oohs’ and more giggles from Madison’s cronies.

“Ooooh,” Madison breathed. “Baby butch has claws. Rawr.” She mimicked scratching at Spencer. “Is that what turns you on, Ashley? When SpenSpence gets all RUFF?” Spencer slammed her locker shut.

“Don’t you have anything better to do, Madison?” she asked angrily. She wasn’t mad at what Madison was saying; she could care less what the tiny Latina thought of her. She was angry that her own brother Glen was standing only a few feet away saying nothing.

“Yeah, shouldn’t you be on your knees, sucking your way to a better History grade?” Ashley taunted. Madison’s jaw dropped and she pulled her arm back to strike Ashley.

To Spencer, it was happening in slow motion. Madison was pulling back to hit Ashley who flinched and closed her eyes but made no other effort to stop her. Spencer found herself reaching out and grabbing Madison’s arm just before her hand made contact with Ashley’s face.

Time returned to normal with the gasps of the cheerleaders as Spencer held Madison’s arm away from Ashley.

“No,” Spencer said simply. She released the Latina’s arm with a slight shove. “You will not hit her.” Madison dropped her arm and eyed Spencer for a minute, not a little shocked at the blonde’s attitude. She then turned back to Ashley.

“Guess the little missus doesn’t know about you,” Madison shot vaguely.

“Madison,” Ashley growled in warning. Madison smirked again.

"¿Qué pasa? ¿Acaso Spencer no sabe que a tu queridísima mamá le gusta dar bofetadas?" she asked sarcastically. "Y más cosas también..."

"El pasado es el pasado, Madison. No tiene porqué saberlo, y si sabes lo que te conviene, cierra la puta boca" Ashley responded lowly.

“Tsk tsk, Ashley. Shouldn’t keep secrets from your girlfriends.”

“They’re not girlfriends, Madison,” Glen finally spoke up. He shot a dirty look at Ashley. “My sister isn’t like that.”

“That’s right, the only freak around here is Ashley,” Madison laughed, walking away towards practice with Glen and her posse in tow. Spencer leaned into Ashley.

“Have I told you how fucking sexy you are when you argue in Spanish?” she husked. Ashley shivered, immediately calming down and smiled at her girlfriend.

“I’ll keep that in mind,” she said cheekily. They were leaning further towards each other, getting dangerously close to crossing that line in public and just kissing each other senseless when the shrill angry voice of Paula Carlin shook them from their daze.

“Spencer! Get in the car! Let’s go!” she screamed. Spencer rolled her eyes and looked at her girlfriend in apology.

“Sorry,” she sighed. “On the bright side, I’m free as of midnight.” Ashley smiled.

“Awesome. Call me tomorrow?” she asked. Spencer nodded.

“Of course.”

“Spencer, what have I told you about that girl?” Paula asked angrily. Spencer rolled her eyes and leaned her head against the car window.

“Ashley,” she said sharply. “Her name is Ashley.”

“I told you that you weren’t to hang around with her anymore,” her mother reiterated. “Do you need to be grounded again?” Spencer lifted her head and glared at her mother.

“Oh come on,” she grumbled. “Is that the only way that you feel you can keep control of me?”

“Spencer, she is a bad influence and a sinner. I don’t want you affected by that. You are so much better than that little piece of trash…”

“How can you say things like that? You don’t even know Ashley! You only know what you’ve heard,” Spencer ranted, angry at her judgmental mother.

“I don’t need to know her,” Paula countered. “I know about her type and that’s enough...”

“Her ‘type’? HER TYPE? So you’re going to base your entire opinion of Ashley on the wrong and prejudicial things your religion says about her ‘type’?” Spencer asked, incredulously. “Isn’t that exactly the opposite of the way you raised me? Not to judge people? Then why are you judging Ashley simply because you have a problem with her being gay?”

“Spencer, you’re too young to understand these things…” Paula started. Spencer snorted.

“I think I’m old enough to know bigotry when I see it,” she countered. Paula frowned.

“I’m not being a bigot,” she argued. “But people like Ashley make a choice to go against God and they will be condemned for it.” Spencer felt her face flush red.

“It is NOT a choice!” she yelled. “Do you have any idea how ignorant you sound when you say that?” Paula pulled into the driveway and shut off the car before she turned to address her daughter. “Who the hell would CHOOSE to be so hated by so many people just for being who they are? Choose to have their basic human rights ignored? God, Mom, try living in reality for a change instead of your stupid little homophobia bubble.”

“First of all, you will respect me when you speak to me…”

“Why? You don’t respect me,” Spencer shot back.

“I do too,” Paula argued. Spencer shook her head.

“No you don’t. You don’t listen to what I say; you hear what you want and interpret it and then try and tell me how to think, how to act,” Spencer informed her mother. “I’m not you. I’m never going to be you; I’ll make sure of that.”

“Spencer, being gay is a sin against God,” Paula reminded with her narrow minded belief. Spencer rolled her eyes.

“So is eating shellfish and adultery, Mom,” she said sarcastically. “And I know you do at least one of those.” Paula stared at her youngest child in shock as Spencer opened the door and got out. Before she shut the door, Spencer leaned in for one more shot.

“The car smells like nicotine, Mom,” she pointed out. “You and Dad don’t smoke. But I remember that doctor friend of yours does. Ben? Yeah him. I remember him from Ohio. I saw him at the hospital. He left a butt on the floor of the front seat.”

Her mother was still silent later that evening, no forthcoming grounding as Spencer expected. Instead Paula simply looked at her blankly whenever Spencer was in the same room. It was almost like Paula couldn’t look Spencer in the eyes. Confused, Spencer retreated to her room after dinner.

(I musta hit a nerve) she figured, heartbroken that her spur-of-the-moment assumption about Ben might actually be right. (For all I know, maybe Mom did take up smoking after we got here. Or gave him a ride somewhere. She’s acting like I’m totally right. Oh poor Dad!)

Anger that her mother might be cheating surged through Spencer. It seemed incredibly hypocritical of the woman to condemn Ashley because she was gay when she herself was breaking an entire Commandment. She knew that once she finally told her mother that she too was gay, she’d be condemned as well.

(Well, If I am going to hell, then I’ll be in good company, what with Ashley, Elton John, Ellen, oooh Melissa Etheridge. I love her music. And her wife’s hot too.) she entertained herself with a running list of people she figured she’d see in her mother’s version of hell.

(I think Mom will be there too, probably setting the table and still ranting about the evils of homosexuality.) She managed to smile at her own morose humor. (God, I can’t believe how two faced she really is! This is my mother? I’m not the one who’s changed since we moved here, she is. What’s Dad going to do?)

Now she didn’t know whether or not to tell her father her suspicions.

(What if I’m wrong? I’ll upset him for no reason. No, I think I’ll wait and see if I’m right, first.) She picked up her phone to call Ashley. Talking to the brunette always cheered her up.

(I’m so lucky to have her) she smiled. A knock on her door made her scramble to hide the phone. Shoving it between her bed and the wall and then throwing a pillow over it, Spencer leaned on the pillow, grabbed a nearby magazine and yelled ‘what?’

Her mother walked in, closing the door behind her. She stood and stared at Spencer for a few moments while Spencer steadfastly ignored her.

“Spencer,” Paula started slowly. “About earlier…”

“I don’t want to talk about it, Mom,” Spencer broke in, still looking at the pages of her magazine. “You’re a hypocrite.” Paula took a step closer.

“Spencer, honey, people make mistakes, even parents,” she started to explain. Spencer snorted.

“You seem to be making a lot.” Paula’s eyes narrowed.

“If I’ve made a mistake, it’s because I’m human and God forgives me if I repent. There is no repenting for Ashley, and you know that even if there were, she wouldn’t do it.” Spencer dropped her magazine to her lap and started astounded at her mother.

“So you can twist your beliefs to fit and condone your actions, CHOICES that’d you’ve made that go totally against your belief but someone like Ashley who was BORN who she is, you condemn? Oh my God, what kind of madness have you raised me to believe?” she raved. Paula crossed her arms over her chest.

“You were raised to believe what is right and virtuous. I don’t know how you’ve seemed to lose sight of that. I can only think that it’s Ashley’s influence…”

“Of course. I couldn’t possibly be thinking for myself,” Spencer scoffed.

“Spencer, this isn’t you. You are not like this, so disobedient and rude,” her mother stated. Spencer rubbed her face with her hands, annoyed.

“Yes, this is me, Mom. I’m not purposely being rude or disobedient. Your beliefs don’t match mine is all. That’s not a bad thing. I’m supposed to learn how to think for myself and not always rely on you to make my decisions for me,” she explained, trying to stay at least moderately calm. Getting overly upset would probably only fuel her mother’s tirade.

“And I’m supposed to help you make the right choices,” Paula argued.

“But you’re not,” Spencer responded. “You’re telling me what to do and not to do, according to you. You’re not letting me make mistakes so that I can learn!”

“This isn’t a game, Spencer.”

“No, it’s my life! Mine, Mom. Not yours. Stop trying to run it according to some antiquated and WRONG beliefs!”

“I will not see you burn in Hell, Spencer,” Paula declared. Spencer laughed and picked up her magazine again.

“It’s your hell; you burn in it.”

Ashley walked around her room, packing a duffle with the things she figured she’d need over the weekend. When she got home from school, her mother had been waiting to remind her that she was not to return home until Monday morning at the earliest. She had packed Ashley a bag but nothing in it was anything Ashley needed. Plus that stupid sundress was on the top. So she went to go pack it herself. Her mother also added as Ashley climbed the stairs that the sooner she got out of the house that night, the happier they’d both be.

Ashley considered going back to her father’s place in Venice Beach but she vaguely remembered at some point between the margaritas and the Jack Daniels that her father mentioned if she needed him this weekend, he’d be staying there with his most recent girlfriend, the hand model. Although he did request that she called first if she was coming over.

(It’s so nice to feel so wanted by your own parents) she thought sarcastically, throwing her iPod into the bag and looking around for her good jeans; the ones she saw Spencer watching her ass in. (Neither one of them want me in their homes. And then they wonder why I act out and seem to need therapy.)

She found her jeans and threw them in the bag, making a mental note to wear them tomorrow when she hung out with her blonde girlfriend. She knew that they were tight enough to make her ass look hotter than usual and low cut enough to tease Spencer with flashes of her hard abs.

(Heh, she thinks I don’t know that she stares at my tummy when she thinks I’m not looking. I’m gonna tease the hell out of her tomorrow. Ew, if Paula hasn’t grounded her…again. Her mother looked so pissed when she picked Spencer up today. She probably saw us leaning in a little close for a second there. We’ve got to be more careful, we almost got caught making out a couple of times this week. I mean, I kinda enjoy the whole ‘will we get caught’ thrill but it’s not the best way for Spencer to come out. Yeah that would definitely scar her.)

She glanced in the mirror at herself as she grabbed her toiletries. The mark on her neck was starting to fade but she had a sneaking suspicion that Aiden’s remark early in the week was correct; it might leave a permanent mark. Not that she minded in the least.

(Something to remind me when I’m feeling like shit that someone does loves me) she smiled to herself.

“Aren’t you gone yet?” her mother asked venomously from the door, throwing Ashley from her happy thought. Ashley rolled her eyes and threw some more things into her bag.

“Another few minutes, Mom. Trust me, I don’t want to be here for your ‘company’ any more than you want me to be,” she tossed over her shoulder. Her mother picked up a few things from Ashley’s bureau, scrutinized them and then set them back down.

“Junk, trash everywhere. Kind of like you,” she sighed. “You are such a disappointment, Ashley.” Ashley froze and turned to face her mother.

“Not that I’m surprised to hear you say that but what did I do now?” she retorted. She was almost used to these ‘chats’ her mother had with her. Whenever she did something wrong, the elder Davies liked to harp on it and remind Ashley what a disappointment she was.

(This should do wonders for my self esteem) she scoffed to herself.

“Look at you,” Mrs. Davies gestured towards Ashley, looking at what her teenage daughter was wearing and frowning. “You always look so cheap and slutty. No wonder I can’t keep a man.” Ashley snickered and shook her head, putting the last of her stuff in her bag and slinging it over her shoulder.

“I am not the reason that you can’t keep a man,” she said. “And if I am slutty, Mom, I had to learn it somewhere.”

“What is that supposed to mean?” she asked, shocked. Ashley flashed an evil smile.

“Think about your ‘party’ tonight and then I think you can figure it out.”

“I’ve warned you about that smart mouth, Ashley,” Mrs. Davies warned. Ashley nodded.

“Yes, repeatedly. And yet that never seems to shut me up. You must be so proud.”

“You had everything growing up and look how you’re turning out,” her mother continued. “You could have been someone and you wasted it all.” Ashley swallowed the hurt that her mother’s words were causing her and channeled it into anger.

“I am someone, Mom. Even if you don’t see it.” (Spencer does and she’s all I need)

She pushed her mother and headed towards the stairs.

“Remember, Ashley. If you must come back, do not come back until Monday.” Ashley flipped her mother the middle finger over her shoulder and left the house.

Sitting in her car, parked in the large overly lit parking lot of one of the larger department stores, Ashley wondered if she should have told Spencer that she had nowhere to go. She could have paid for a hotel for a few nights but that meant explaining to her mother when the bill came in why she just hadn’t stayed with a friend. And that would evolve back into another ‘chat’ about how Ashley was ruining her life and couldn’t even keep friends. In Ashley’s opinion, if spending the weekend in her car meant she wouldn’t have to have another heart-to-silicone boob talk with her mother, it was worth it.

(I know Spencer would invite me to stay at her house. Heh, that’s if Mother Superior even let me in the door and that’s doubtful. She would probably chain me to the couch at this point and then call for an exorcism) she laughed to herself as she sipped a soda and munched on some chips. She had her iPod playing loudly in her ears.

(But I don’t know if I could be in the same house with Spencer for an entire weekend and keep myself from touching her…or really, be right there and not be touched by her. And the last thing I wanna do is screw up and get caught by her family. Spencer would never forgive me)

(So another snuggly night curled up in my SUV with a blanket and a bottle of mace. I hope Spencer’s having a better night)

With her iPod blaring, she didn’t notice her cell phone ringing in the front seat.

Spencer frowned, hanging up her cell phone and laying on the bed. She figured Ashley would have picked up by now.

(Maybe her battery died) She dialed Ashley’s main line.

“Hello?” a voice that certainly wasn’t Ashley answered, deepening Spencer’s frown.

“Is Ashley there?” she asked. She heard the woman on the other end of the line sigh disgustedly.

“Ashley isn’t home this weekend.” The click of the call being disconnected echoed hollowly in her ear. Spencer closed the cell phone and looked out her window.

“Ashley, where are you?”

Ashley grumbled as she reached for her phone, her muscles feeling stiff and sore from her cramped sleeping space. She looked at the clock on the phone, scowling at its annoying display of 7 am and then glanced at the caller ID. She smiled despite the early hour.

(Only Spencer would be awake this early on a Saturday)

“Hullo babe,” she said her voice gravely from sleep.

“Ashley! Are you all right? Where have you been?” Spencer asked, her worry carrying over the phone line clearly even as it mixed with evident relief. “I’ve been trying to call you all night.” Ashley cringed.

“Oh, God, I’m sorry Spence,” she said honestly. “I musta had my music too loud to hear the phone.”

“Ashley, where are you?” Spencer asked next, her concern tapering off a little now that she knew that Ashley wasn’t in any danger. “I called your house last night and someone said that you weren’t home this weekend. Did you go to your father’s?” The tone of her voice told Ashley that Spencer thought she was trying to avoid her. She sighed.

(Why would I not want to talk to her?) she wondered. (Really, we both need to work on our insecurity issues.)

“No, I’m still in town. Look, give me an hour and I’ll come pick you up, ok?”

“All right.”

Spencer shut her cell phone, which she liberated from her mother a half hour ago with a pointed glare that said ‘do not call that girl’. She had tried all night to reach Ashley until she fell asleep with the other cell clutched in her hand. She had wondered if her mother’s angry appearance the previous afternoon had somehow pushed Ashley away. She knew that her mother was intimidating, hell it was her mother, she was incredibly aware of that fact. But Ashley wasn’t one to back down so that theory was somewhat unlikely.

(It’s not like Ash to ignore her phone. And I think it’d take more than a yell across the quad to scare off Ashley Davies. Honestly if the whole ‘shower/bathroom’ thing didn’t make her turn tail and run, I doubt anything will) This train of thought made her happy and reminded her of how wonderful and understanding her girlfriend was.

(So why didn’t Ashley answered her phone til now?)

Deciding not to come to any conclusions without talking to Ashley first, Spencer got dressed and waited.

Ashley went to the truck stop where she knew most of the employees and grabbed a shower in the women’s bathroom. They knew her rather well given the frequency in which she used their facilities. Since the owner was a friend of Ashley’s dad, they didn’t mind her using them and Ashley knew that she was safe there.

(Madison would have a fucking field day if she saw me bathing here. That’s all I need)

Once she felt presentable, she packed her car in such a way that most of her stuff was hidden. She didn’t want Spencer to know that she was staying in her car. Her pride was telling her to lie and say that she was staying at a hotel.

(I really don’t want Spencer feeling bad for me. It’s no big deal)

She grabbed a quick coffee and some bagels for her and Spencer and headed to her girlfriend’s house. She wasn’t surprised to see the blonde standing outside waiting for her (she was late per usual), it was the incredibly cross look on her face that surprised Ashley.

“Hey, hon,” she said cheerfully. Spencer got in the car and shut the door, not answering her girlfriends greeting. Ashley sighed pulling away from Spencer’s house with no clear destination.

“So what did I do?” she asked, slightly annoyed. Spencer looked at her, upset.

“Where were you? I thought you might be hurt or something, and then someone who I assume is your mother said that you wouldn’t be home all weekend. So where are you staying? And why didn’t you tell me?”

“Spencer, breathe,” Ashley couldn’t help but laugh. Spencer hadn’t even paused during her little diatribe. She looked and sounded so cute. “I was at a hotel. I must have missed the phone ringing cuz I was listening to my iPod until I fell asleep. And yes, that musta been my whoring mother.” She stopped at a red light and looked at Spencer.

“Hey, I’m sorry. I should have told you that mom kicked me out until Monday. It’s no big deal so I figured ‘why bother’?” Spencer arched an eyebrow.

“’Why bother’? How about ‘my girlfriend might freak if she can’t get a hold of me since she’s new to this whole relationship thing and freakishly insecure’? Does that work for ya?” Spencer’s voice was slightly sarcastic, making Ashley feel even more guilty over her little white lie. But her pride still kept her from telling the truth. She reached over and grasped Spencer’s hand, smiling widely when Spencer laced their fingers together.

“I’m sorry,” she repeated. “But really, hon, we both need to work on our insecurities. We’re better than that.” Spencer nodded.

“I know,” she agreed quietly.

When she didn’t add to her statement and only started blankly out her side window, Ashley decided to ask what had been on her mind since Spencer entered the car.

“Spence…were you thinking that I was…with someone else?” (There, I said it. Now she’ll either get mad at me for thinking it or agree with me. I’m not sure which is worse.) When Spencer bit her lip, Ashley got her answer. She pulled her hand away from Spencer’s roughly.

(Ow…I think…ow my chest hurts) she blinked back rapidly developing tears, determined not to let Spencer see how bad that had hurt her.

“Part of me wondered,” Spencer finally admitted softly. This only served to make the lump in Ashley’s throat swell and almost cut off her air. She felt the burn of bile low in her throat.

“Pretty low opinion you have of me,” Ashley whispered, pulling off the highway and onto some random side street. Spencer turned her head towards Ashley so fast that the brunette was shocked she didn’t give herself whiplash.

“Ashley, no,” she said firmly. “I said a small part of me wondered, not all of me.”

“A small part is still a part of you,” Ashley sighed. “I’m not sure I’m in the mood to hang out right now.” She pulled the car over and shut it off, looking out over the baseball field that she’d parked at. Spencer undid her belt and turned her body towards Ashley’s.

“Now who’s being insecure?” she asked gently. She watched Ashley frown and the hurt expression on her face immediately turn cold.

(Oh crap) Spencer thought knowing that for whatever reason, they were about to fight, again.

“You know, it’s one thing for my parents to think I’m such a worthless piece of shit. Hell, I’m pretty much used to my mother calling me ‘trash’ or ‘whore’ or ‘slut’. Whatever. But for my own girlfriend to think I was out fucking half the population of LA…well, that’s a little much to take.” Ashley wasn’t looking at Spencer; she was staring straight ahead over the grass and gripping the steering wheel tightly.

Spencer frowned. She had no idea that Ashley’s mother said things like that. The more pieces of Ashley’s life and childhood she was able to piece together, the less and less Spencer was starting to like Mrs. Davies.

“Ashley, I didn’t say anything like it…”

“You basically said that ‘some small part’,” she used finger quotes to accentuate her sarcasm. “Of you wondered if I was out cheating on you. Wow, I made it an entire 4 days before you turned on me. New Ashley Davies record.”

Spencer gritted her teeth together in frustration.

“Ash, I didn’t say that I thought you were out cheating on me,” she spoke quickly, hoping to get it all out before Ashley managed to interrupt her again. “You asked if I thought you might be with someone else. And yes, damn it, a teeny tiny part of me thought that when I couldn’t get a hold of you. Such a small part of me that I immediately dismissed it because I trust you.”

“Right, trust,” Ashley snorted, making Spencer roll her eyes. “How? How could you even think I’d do something like that to you?” the brunette demanded to know. The pain and betrayal that she felt was coloring her voice and making it crack.

“I didn’t. God, Ash, why are you purposely making this difficult?” Spencer asked, getting annoyed. Ashley finally turned her head towards Spencer and for a split second, Spencer saw the fear and hurt in those dark chocolate eyes. But just as quickly, she watched those orbs turn flat and cold, hiding Ashley inside. It hurt her heart to watch.

“I’m not making this difficult, Spencer. The fact that you thought that after everything that’s happened between us since this time last week that I’d run out to get my rocks off the first time I had a chance, hurts.” Spencer reached out and put her hand on Ashley’s shoulder, glad that the other girl didn’t pull away.

“I’m sorry, baby. And I know that you wouldn’t do that to me,” she said softly, understanding now why Ashley was reacting the way she was. And she regretted the fact that she’d even ever entertained the thought.

“Spencer, I know that I have a reputation,” Ashley started slowly, letting her head drop to hide behind her hair. “But I have a heart too. And it’s yours. I gave it to you. I would never do anything to break it or to hurt you. You mean too much to me. You’re the first one ever to mean anything to me. I know that I’ve got something great here with you. I’m not going to fuck it up by doing something like that.” She slowly lifted her head to look at Spencer.

“I believe in you. Please have faith in me. Please?”