Title: Love is a Word.

Author: By Wordsmith

Rating: Let's say R to start, mostly for language, but also for yummy sexy stuff too.

Feedback email:  ij2216@netscape.net

Fandom:  L Word

Pairings: Alice & Dana

Spoilers: First season, anything is game.  Picks up as the Season finale left off.

Disclaimers: The usual.  Nothing is mine, characters are others, situations are contrived purely for my pleasure.  All hail ShowTime.

Many thanks to my Beta Reader IJ without whom this never would have been finished.  This is a work in progress but this can also stand alone.  How's that for vague?

Part 1

Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god.  What have I done?  What the fuck have I done?  I kissed Dana, that's what I've done.  No, you've saved Dana, that's what you've done.  You've saved her from that evil bitch Tonya.  Because there's no way she can marry that bitch, that cat killing bitch now.  Not now that she's kissed you.  Or that you've kissed her.  Whatever.  Now that you've kissed each other.  Because there is no way Dana would marry someone else, let alone a cat killing bitch after kissing me like she just did.  Oh my god, Dana kissed me.  I mean, really kissed me.  Not just stood there while I kissed her but really kissed me back.  And then kissed me all on her own.  I didn't think she would do it and then all of a sudden there it was-her kissing me.  Oh my god, I kissed Dana.  Oh my-shit what is Tina doing here?

Alice looked at her friend sitting silently in the dark on her couch.  Tina's eyes were red and puffy and if possible more mournful than even after the miscarriage.  "Honey what is it?  Why are you here?"

Tina swallowed convulsively and tried to speak.  "Bette…Bette…" but the words refused to form.  Silently she walked unsteadily to the 6 Degrees of Lesbian Separation chart.  Slowly she uncapped the sharpie marker and drew a shaky line from Bette's name to one of the few clear spots left.  In jagged preschoolish letters, she managed a "C" and an "A" before breaking down completely.  Alice gasped in shock at the revelation.  Bette had slept with someone else?  Cathy?  No, she moved out of town to find herself in some ashram in Canada.  Camille?  No, she found Jesus and renounced her "homasexualitay" over a year ago.  Candace, no she…Oh shit, it was Candace?  The hot carpenter who did the CAC renovations for the Provocations show that opened tonight?  Alice thought back to the evening but had been too wrapped up in saving Dana to notice much else.

But Tina had noticed, at least enough to suspect Bette, and Alice knew Tina would never make any kind of accusations against her lover of the past seven years without solid, irrefutable proof.  Slowly she helped her friend back to the couch, laid her on it, covered her with a quilt and made tea.  Her mind was racing; concern for Tina who after the devastating loss of her baby was finally seeming to come back into her own, anger and fury at Bette for even considering doing such a thing to Tina, especially now, let alone acting on it, resentment at Candace whom she had met only briefly but whom she initially liked, never suspecting what secrets lay behind that winning shy smile.

Once the tea was made, she brought out the tray to the front room and set it on the table next to the couch.  "Tina?  Honey, sit up and have some tea.  Do you want to tell me what happened?"  Tina shook her head but sat up and took the offered cup.  "Too soon?" Alice whispered.  Tina nodded and took a tentative sip from the steaming mug.  "Okay" whispered Alice again.  "Whenever you're ready."  In minutes, the tea was gone; Alice took the cup from Tina's white knuckled hand, and set it on the tray.  Tina lay down again, and Alice pulled the quilt back up.  Alice brought another quilt from the cupboard and settled into the big chair in the corner of the room.  In a small voice, she heard Tina say, "You don't have to, you know."  Alice smiled a slow sad smile, whispering back, "I know."


Alice woke to a crick in her neck, a crumpled sheet of paper in her hand, and a ringing in her ears.  No wait, the ringing was the telephone.  A few frantic minutes of searching under papers, books, quilts and pillows finally revealed the phone cradled in its charger on the counter.  But by the time she got to it, the machine had picked up "Hi, I'm Alice.  Who the hell are you?"  "Alice, hi.  Um, it's me.   Dana.  Um, I think we really need to-"

"I'm here, I'm here, don't hang up." Alice fairly shouted into the receiver.



"Um, yeah.  Look, we need, that is, I need-"

"Dana!  No time for that now.  We are in crisis mode!  Did you hear about Tina and Bette?"

"Tina and Bette?  What about them?  No, I called to talk to you about why you kissed me last night."

"Oh god, Dana, look we will talk about it.  I promise!  But right now we need to focus on Tina and Bette."

"What about them?"  Thank goodness, Dana caught on to the urgency in Alice's voice quickly and was willing to suspend their other issue for the moment.

"Bette cheated on Tina with Candace."

"Candace the carpenter?"

"Yeah.  Tina found out and now she's here.  At least she was here.  Hold on a sec."  Alice looked around the small apartment but Tina was nowhere to be found.  Blinking at the phone in her hand, she realized that her other hand still held the crumpled piece of paper.  On it Tina had written, "Alice, thanks for last night.  I need some time to myself right now.  I'll call you.  Tina"

"Dana?  Tina's gone.  What should we do?"

"What can we do?  Do you have any idea where she went?"

"No but she is not in a good space.  I've never seen her like this.  It was like…"

A long silence until Dana said quietly, "Like the love of her life cheated on her?"


Forty-five minutes later, they met in front of Bette and Tina's tidy bungalow.  Alice had gotten there a few minutes early.  She tried to focus on the situation between her friends but her mind persistently kept returning to the memory of the feel of Dana's lips against her own.  A little thin, a little chapped but still wonderfully soft and smooth at the same time.  "No!" Alice berated herself.  "Now is not the time.  Get it together."  But when she looked up it was to see Dana walking toward her in her usual morning work out uniform, tanned and long limbed and undeniably sexy.  "Oh god," she thought, "I am so screwed."  Taking a deep breath, she got out of her car and walked to the woman whose tongue was in her mouth only ten hours before.  Suddenly shy in front of the person she had known for years, Alice blurted out, "So what are we going to do?  Should we confront Bette with what we know?  Or let her confess to us?"

Dana did a quick double take at the forcefulness of the greeting.  Her mind was so confused about so many things, making a decision was the last thing she felt competent to do.  "Uhm, I don't know.  Why don't we just ask if Tina is here and see what happens?"

"Good idea, great idea.  Let's do that."  Alice nearly ran up the steps in her haste to move away from Dana.  Jesus, did she have to look so good this early in the morning?  It didn't help that Alice had slept in her clothes, on a chair in her living room, keeping careful watch over the long night to any changes in Tina's breathing, only to fall asleep minutes before she woke.  "Well, I know Tina was at my house until 6:15 this morning.  I must have dozed off just then because when you called she was gone."

Dana touched Alice on the forearm, "Aww, you stayed up with her?  That is really sweet of you."

Alice looked at the long, tanned fingers on her arm, then into Dana's sea blue eyes, feeling herself falling into them, wanting to fall in and never ever come out again.  With a shake of her head to clear it, and a flick of her wrist to shake the hand off, Alice retreated into anger, "Sweetness had nothing to do with it.  I was just afraid of what Tina would do to Bette if she thought I was asleep."

Dana frowned at this information and at Alice's reaction to her touch.  Deciding Alice was just tired, she tried again, "Well Tina is lucky to have you.  Looking out for her.  You're always looking out for us." Brushing past her, Dana knocked on the door just as Alice reached for the bell.

Alice cursed herself.  "Jees, relax.   You're here for Tina.  Once you know she's safe, you can focus on Dana and what to do about her.  But for crying out loud, does she have to smell so good?  I mean, I must smell like musty chair and here she is all fresh from the shower, smelling like a goddamn flower!  Even her damp hair smells good.  Oh god, shower.  Dana was in the shower.  Don’t go there, don't go there."

Thankfully their wait was short lived.  Bette opened the door, saw who it was, immediately turned around and went back into the depths of the house.  Wordlessly the two women followed.  Never had they seen Bette looking so distraut.  An ugly bruise the size and shape of a small hand purpled one cheek and what appeared to be a bite marred the otherwise smooth carmel skin near her jawline.  Her deep-set brown eyes had a dull lifeless look, red-rimmed and desperately tired.  She wore sagging gray boxers and an even grayer tee shirt.

"There's coffee in the pot.  I made it a few hours ago, but it should still be good."   Her voice rasped as one that had been overused.

"Coffee?  You offer us coffee?"  Alice was indignant.  "Bette, where's Tina?"

Bette's eyes squinted up at Alice from her seat at the kitchen table, "Isn't she at your house?"

"She was last night.  But she left around 6:30 this morning, and if she isn't here, then who knows where she is?"

Bette considered this.  "I don't know."

Alice waited for her to continue but when it became clear Bette was not going to, Alice glanced at Dana for help.  Dana merely shrugged her shoulders.  "Bette, aren't you at least the littlest bit concerned that your wife is missing?"

"Tina can take care of herself.  Better than I can take care of her.  All I do is mess things up."  Bette seemed to crumple before their eyes.  Already red eyes filled with tears and her body wracked with unuttered sobs.  Dana moved to comfort her but Alice stopped her. 

"You're right.  You did mess things up.  How could you do this to Tina?  After everything she's done for you?  Everything you had together?"

When this provoked no response, Dana moved to sit next to Bette.  Taking one of her hands, she quietly asked, "Bette, we just want to help.  We " shooting a look at Alice, "want to help both of you get through this.  But we're worried about Tina.  Where could she have gone?  Is there anyone you can think of she would turn to right now, if not one of us?"

Bette thought for a long moment, "Oscar.  The guy she's been working with at the advocacy center.  He and Tina have gotten close lately."

Alice took control of the situation again, reminding herself to thank Dana for her patience later in dealing with Bette, "Okay, do you have his number so we can check with him?"

"Yeah, it's on the white board on the fridge."

While Alice called Oscar, Dana made Bette a cup of decaf, adding a healthy dose of soymilk to the mix.  "Here" she gently placed the cup in Bette's hand.  "Did you sleep at all last night?"

"No, not really."

"Okay, let's get you cleaned up and then a short nap.  Everything will work out, you'll see."  Leading Bette into the bathroom, she took some antibiotic ointment out of the medicine cabinet along with a few cotton balls.  Bette hissed as the astringent seeped into her wounded face but otherwise made no remark.  Dana worked quickly cleaning then covering the area with a light gauze bandage.  Once that was finished, she walked Bette into the bedroom and helped her friend under the blankets, noticing all the linens thrown into a pile on the floor.

As she left the room, she nearly collided with Alice.  Signaling to be quiet, Dana closed the door partially and led Alice back to the living room.  "Well?" she asked.

Alice glanced at the door down the hallway, "Tina is at Oscar's.  She says she needs time to herself."

Dana sighed.  "So what do we do?"

Alice joined Dana on the couch.  "We give it to her.  There's nothing more we can do.  She knows we're here for her."

"I guess so."

Something in Dana's voice prompted Alice to ask, "What?"

"Well, you saw Bette's face.  She got pretty roughed up.  Did Tina have any, you know, marks on her?"

"No!"  Alice's voice raised and Dana shhhed her quickly.  "No" Alice whispered.  "But I mean, can you blame Tina?"

Dana turned to face Alice, "No matter what Bette did with Candace, it doesn't give Tina the right to beat up Bette."

"Tina didn't beat up Bette." Alice said dismissively.

"Oh and I suppose Candace bit her hard enough to draw blood?" Dana retorted.

"Oh god, there was blood?"

"Yes, there was blood.  And not just on Bette but on the sheets in there as well.  I saw the stains on them in the bedroom."

"Oh man, this just gets better and better." Alice held her head in her hands.

"So what do we do?" Dana asked.

Alice thought for a long moment.  "Well, there's not much we can do.  I mean, we don't have all the facts.  Until we do, we don't know who did what to whom and what they meant when they did it.  We know that both Tina and Bette are safe.  Did Bette go down okay?"

Dana nodded, "She was out before I left the room.  Did you know she snores?"

"Like a freight train during allergy season.  Anyway, we know she's probably out for a couple of hours at least.  Do you think we should wait here?"  Alice glanced up at Dana.

Dana chewed one cheek, thinking.  "I think one of us should.  Let me.  You stayed up with Tina."

Alice looked at Dana "What about you?  Did you sleep last night?"  In her head, Alice was screaming, After you kissed the life out of me.  After you got me more excited by a single kiss than hours of sex with Lisa ever did.  Did you go back into bed with…even in her head Alice refused to say her name…that woman?

Dana smiled wanly thinking back to her night.  Which consisted of sleeping fitfully on the guest bed after complaining to Tonya of gas, thereby managing to be sent into the guest room with no questions asked.  Only to toss and turn and relive the fevered rushed incredible kisses with Alice.  So wonderful and unexpected and liberating.  "Not much." She admitted with a shy smile.  Alice smiled back.

"Well since we're going to be here a while, do you want to talk?"

Oh god, thought Alice, no it's too soon.  I can't.  I'm too tired.  I'll screw it up.  Only talk to her when you're rested and hydrated and fed.  "Sure" she chirped, "But I need coffee first."  Mentally bashing in her own head, she led the way into the kitchen and started a fresh pot.  But Dana refused to take it from there.  She just stood leaning against the counter watching Alice grind the beans, add the water, wash two mugs, anything to avoid the conversation she so desperately wanted to have.  Finally when the silence became too much to bear, she turned to Dana and said quietly, "So?"

Dana's eyebrows rose.  "So?  All you have to say is so?"

"Look, here's the deal, Dana.  You can't marry Tonya." Alice managed to spit out the hated name without visibly cringing.

"You said that last night." Dana's replied.  "And then you kissed me.  What the hell was that about Alice?"

Alice glanced at Dana, saw that she was getting that look she only gets when she got upset, that vulnerable, open, adorable look that made Alice's stomach flip.  Trying to regain some semblance of control, she busied herself pouring two mugs of coffee making sure to add just the right amount of two percent milk before handing Dana hers.  Their fingers brushed and Alice couldn't be sure if the jolt that went through her came from coffee splashed onto her fingers.  Needing to buy a few minutes and test a theory at the same time, she caught Dana's eye and slowly brought the wet fingers to her mouth, licking off the hot liquid.  As anticipated, Dana was unable to look away.  Her eyes widened at the sight, and her breathing increased visibly, her chest straining against the tightness of her workout tank.  Alice pulled the finger from her mouth and surreptitiously wiped it on her pants while inching toward Dana.  She whispered, "You can't marry her, Dana.  You just can't."  Before Dana could respond, Alice kissed her, hard and fast and sweet.  She felt Dana pull her forward by her hips until their bodies lined up, pressed against each other.  Before Alice quite knew what was happening, Dana's tongue was caressing first the top, then bottom lip which Alice eagerly opened.  A slight hint of minty toothpaste lingered in Dana's mouth and on her tongue, which Alice sucked into her mouth.  Her mind was awash with emotions.  She thought, "Oh god, I'm kissing Dana again.  We were supposed to be talking; why am I kissing her again?  Oh, there's that tongue thing she does.  I noticed it last night but not really noticed it.  It's like she swirls it around.  I wonder how she does that?  I'll have to ask her.  Wait, Alice!  Stop it.  Stop kissing Dana.  Right now.  Forget about that swirly thing.  You need to be talking to her about Tonya not about Oh god, there she goes again.  No!  I have to stop.  Be strong.  You can kiss Dana later.  Right now you have to stop.  Oh god, she is making me burn up.  What is she doing with her hands.  My pants feel like they're on fire.  Oh god, holy shit, I am on fire!"  Pulling away from Dana, gasping for breath, Alice discovered that she was not on fire but had merely spilled both mugs of coffee all over her pants.  Hot, freshly brewed coffee.

"Shit, shit, shit!  Oh man, these are new pants." She wailed as she lunged over to the sink and poured cold water over her now ruined pants.  Dana followed closely behind, wiping her hands on the soaked pants in a vain attempt to somehow cool them off.  Alice watched her bemusedly do this for a long moment before catching the hands and holding them still.  "Dana, it's okay."

Dana looked sheepishly into Alice's face.  "Sorry, I guess I got carried away.  Forgot about the coffee.  Are you sure you're okay?  Not burned or anything?"

Alice smiled, "No, it was hot there for a sec but now it's fine."

Dana contemplated this answer, and then her face took on a mischievous expression.  "Are you sure?  Maybe I should check.  Just to be sure you didn't damage anything?"

Alice started to answer, "No really I'm fine" but then her brain caught up with what Dana hadn't actually said.  "Dana!"

"What" drawled Dana, running a hand up Alice's arm, causing it to break out in goose bumps.  "I just want to make sure you didn't burn anything."

Alice didn't buy it for a minute.  "No you don't!  You just want to get into my pants!  God, I can't believe you."

Dana replied defensively, "Well so what if I do?  Jesus, Alice you come over to my house in the middle of the night, going on and on about how I can't marry Tonya, but you won't say why.  You kiss the life out of me, and then just leave.  I try to get you to talk about it but you're all busy making coffee and when I ask you about it, you kiss me again.  What the hell is going on Alice?  Why can't I marry Tonya?"

Now it was Alice's turn to be defensive.  "Why can't you marry Tonya?  How can you even ask that?"

Dana's brow furrowed, "I'm asking."  Then in a softer tone, "Alice, why can't I marry Tonya?"

Alice answered, "How can you kiss me like you just did, and like you did last night, and even consider marrying Tonya?  These are not just little pecks on the cheeks here Dana.  I mean, this was kissing!  Kissing kissing.  God I nearly came just now from the way you were kissing me. "

Dana interrupted her, proudly, "You did?"

Alice sighed, "Yes, I did.  And you can't kiss me like that and still think you can go off and marry someone like Tonya."

Dana stopped congratulating herself, "What do you mean someone like Tonya?  What's wrong with Tonya?"

Alice cocked her head to one side in disbelief, "Are you kidding me?  Dana!  Hello, we hate people like Tonya!  She so smarmy and fake and what's with that hair?  Has she never heard of conditioner?"

"Actually she uses this really expensive stuff that I'm not allowed to use" Dana started, "But wait, we don't hate people like Tonya.  She's really helpful.  Like when we were down at Dinah Shore Weekend.  She kept fans from getting all up in my face and stuff."

"You mean, kept you from talking to your fans and letting them tell you how much they appreciate your coming out, and how much it's helped them come out to their families." Alice replied.

"But she said they would distract me from why I was there."

"Which was to meet with your fans!" Alice led them both to the kitchen table, ignoring her rapidly chilling pants.  "Dana, sweetie, you were there to accept an award for basically helping thousands of lesbians come out of the closet.  And Tonya kept you from thanking them or even interacting with them."

"Well, I guess she thought she was protecting me."

"And what did she call hooking up with you the first night?  Protecting you from some crazed fan?  Dana, she is some crazed fan!  She just had official access to you that the rest of your stalkers didn't have."

Dana perked up, "I have stalkers?"

Alice smiled, "Well now we'll never know because Ms. Thang scared them all away."

Dana frowned, "Don't call her that."

"Well I sure as hell am not going to call her Mrs. Dana Fairbanks."  She took Dana's hand.  "Sweetie, you must know that you can't do this."   When Dana looked away, she added, "You helped me break up with Gabby when I needed it.  I'm just returning the favor."

Dana shyly glanced down at their entwined fingers, "But I didn't kiss you to make my point."

Alice smiled back, "Did you want to?"

Dana blushed, "Yeah."

Alice nudged her, "What stopped you?"

Dana thought for a moment, tracing random patterns on Alice's arm with her free hand.  "You didn't seem like you wanted me to, I mean I wasn't really out then, and I know how you feel about dating girls still in the closet.  I figured there was no point."

"Hmmm, true, "said Alice ruefully, "but what about now?"

"Now?" Dana brightened "Hey now I'm out!"

"Yes you are." Cheered Alice scooting her chair closer.

"Yes I am." Drawled Dana reaching to bring Alice's face near.  "So is there any point in my kissing you?"

Alice's stomach flipped again at the thought.  "Oh yes, there's a point." And closed the space between them, taking Dana's lower lip in her teeth biting gently before kissing her fully.  She felt Dana's hand move to the back of her neck, the fingers sweeping into her hair.  They kissed for a long luxurious moment before Alice managed to remember where they were.  Reluctantly pulling back, she winced at the whimper this produced from Dana.  "As much as I would love to continue this, we can't."

"But" protested Dana, trying to return to her former position. "I want-"

Alice stood firm, "No, Dana, we can't.  Bette.  Remember Bette?  We can't make out in her kitchen while she's in there sleeping off what had to have been the worst night of her life."

"Oh right." Dana agreed.  "Well, do we have to stay?"

Alice considered for a minute, "Well, we did see that she is safe.  We know where Tina is.  I don't think Bette would do anything stupid, but we can't take that chance."

Dana pouted at this, "No we can't."

Alice got up and moved toward the phone, "But we never said we had to baby-sit her all day."  And quickly called Kit.  Once the situation with Bette and Tina had been explained, Kit insisted on coming over immediately, the ever-faithful Ivan in tow.

Kit checked on Bette who was still sleeping soundly.  Muffling the loud snoring by closing the bedroom door, she hurried back into the living room.  "If I know my little sister, she's out for the day.  You two run along now, and I'll call you when I know anything else."

Alice grabbed Dana by the hand stopping her from nearly running to the front door in her haste to be alone.  "Thanks Kit," She said, signaling to Dana to cool it.  "We should be at my place, right Dana?" she asked in what she hoped was a nonchalant tone.  "Besides I need to get out of these pants."

"Well we sure as hell can't go to my house." At the none to subtle elbow into her ribs, she amended, "I mean, yeah, we'll be at Alice's.  Talking.  Just talking.  We have some stuff to talk about." She trailed off desperately, and then flung herself out the door, leaving a flustered Alice to follow.

Alice tried to bluff her way, "Boy, one night without sleep and she goes all to pieces, huh?  Just call if you need anything." And stumbled out the door after her.

Ivan looked at Kit, "I thought Dana was engaged to that weird Tonya chick?"

Kit stared after the two women running to their cars across the street.  "She is."

Ivan chuckled, "Well, not for long."


Alice arrived back at her apartment first.  Running around, she hastily tidied up as best she could until a thought stopped her short.  Dana.  She was tidying up for Dana?  Dana had seen her place in much worse than its' current state.  She wouldn't care or even notice if there were clothes draped over the furniture, notes for stories scrawled on any surface, dishes piling up in the sink.  Or would she?  Now that their relationship was moving to new unexplored territory, how would things change?  Would they still be able to hang out?  Casually sitting around the Planet for hours drinking coffee and making catty remarks about anyone who walked by?  Or would they become Boring like so many couples before them, choosing to stay in poring over decorating charts or travel brochures planning the perfect vacation instead of prowling the bars?

This train of thought led Alice to other more risky ones.  What if Dana was simply reacting to her as an escape?  A way to get rid of Tonya without really having to confront the fact that Tonya was a freak?  Dana was inexperienced at best.  Her relationships could be counted on two fingers.  Was she merely reacting to Alice's attention to her?  Did she really want Alice or would she have acted the same way if, say Shane or Jenny had kissed her last night?  Did she want Alice or just anyone who was not Tonya?

Before she could ponder any further, there was a hasty knocking on the door, followed by frantic ringing of the bell.  Grinning uncontrollably, Alice leapt for the door, shaking off her earlier inhibitions.  Dana looked even better than before, slightly flushed and winded apparently having run up the two flights rather than wait for the elevator.  She barreled through the door, pulling on Alice toward the bedroom kicking off her sneakers as she went.  "I ran the stairs because did you know your elevator is broken?  At least I think it was broken.  I pushed the button but it was taking forever so I just said, Fuck it and ran up but I think I heard it ding just as I got to the top and-"  Breaking off the rant, Alice kissed her soundly but quickly.  Stopping in the hall just outside the bedroom door, Alice looked into Dana's eyes, wondering just how they could be seven colors of blue at once, saying, "Dana, I need to ask you something."

"Yes, I'm clean." Dana blurted out.  "Tonya insisted on blood tests when we first got together, even though by the time we got the results it was kind of a moot point.  But she was clean too, so even though she and I-"Dana!" Alice put her hand to Dana's mouth.

Dana nodded, "Mphfth?"

"Dana, while I am thrilled that you are clean, so am I by the way, and thank you for the consideration, but that is not what I wanted to ask you."


"No, it's not" Smiling Alice took her hand away.  "No, I need to ask you and I need you to be totally honest with me, don't feel like you have to spare my feelings or anything, but are you sure this is what you want?  I mean, do you really want to be with me?  Right now?  In there?" she nodded toward the bedroom.

Dana's eyebrows crinkled together, "What?"

Alice rolled her eyes, "Are you sure you want to be with me?  This isn't just some way for you to get out of being with Tonya?"

Comprehension slowly colored Dana's face.  She took Alice's hands in hers.  "Alice, I know I'm still kind of new to all this, but yes.  I want you.  I've wanted you since forever.  For as long as I've known you.  Since before I even knew I was gay."  Kissing Alice softly.  "You are all I want."

Relief poured through Alice and she mentally berated herself for her doubts.  "Oh thank god," she breathed.  "Because I've wanted you for a long time too.  C'mere."

Into the bedroom, they stumbled now frantically tearing at each other's clothes.  Alice's damp, coffee stained pants were tossed quickly toward the bathroom, with Dana's blue form fitting tank top following closely behind.  Underneath she wore no bra, a detail which caused Alice to gasp through the mouthful of skin she was kissing at Dana's neck, "God Dana, you have the greatest breasts ever."  Which in turn caused Dana to stop what she was doing, namely struggling with the tie on her workout shorts and look down at her chest wondering aloud, "Do you think so?  I'm starting to think they're too big, at least for tennis.  The left one is always getting in the way of my forearm-"  At the touch of Alice's warm fingers on the offending breast, she stopped.  Watching the fingers stroke her up and down the length, then curve off to circle the nipple she was mesmerized as she watched it harden.  Suddenly remembering to breath she gulped in air only to forget again as Alice lowered her head to take the ripe nipple into her mouth.  Dana's mouth worked soundlessly as she watched Alice's tongue reach out and flick against the hardened tip, then lick up the entire breast.  Alice kept one eye on Dana's reaction as she carefully blew cool air over the already stimulated area.  Realizing it had been a while since she saw Dana take a breath, she took Dana's face into her hands, "Breathe, Sweetie.  You won't do either of us any good if you pass out now."  Leading her to the side of the bed, she quickly untied the stubborn knot in Dana's shorts and disposed of them and the underlying panties with a dramatic flourish.  Dana's hands plucked at Alice's shirt and for a split second, Alice considered just tearing the damned thing off.  But it had cost a pretty penny so she settled for pulling it off over her head and ignoring the buttons.

"Ooh, frontsies," crowed Dana as she unclasped the front hook to Alice's light pink bra.  Spreading the material to either side, she took in the sight of Alice as if seeing her for the first time.  Pale, almost translucent nipples crowned smooth breasts, now flushed red.  Pushing the bra the rest of the way off, Dana brought her hands around Alice's waist pulling their bodies together.  When their breasts touched, they both groaned with how good it felt.  "Oh I need to hear that again,” thought Alice as she pushed Dana onto the bed, and was rewarded by the same groan when she lay down atop her.

"Not too heavy?" she asked.

Dana smiled brightly, "Nope, just right."  For a moment, they both simply lay where they were, drinking in the sight of the other, feeling the others' skin, perfectly content to just be together.  Until Alice realized that Dana was slightly rocking her pelvis unconsciously.  "Still okay?" she asked mischievously, rocking slightly herself.

"Yup." Answered Dana.  "Okay good.  How about now?" Alice shifted so that one leg slipped slightly between them.  "That's fine."  Dana responded to the shift by continuing to rock gently.

Sure that Dana was unaware of what she was doing, Alice nearly started laughing but restrained herself.  Leaning down so that her mouth was close to Dana's ear, she whispered, "And what if I do this?" She nudged Dana firmly with her leg at the junction of Dana's legs, feeling Dana's warmth and copious moisture slide immediately all up and down her leg.

Dana nearly screamed at the sensation.  Her back arched bringing them into even more contact.  "Oh my god."

Alice grinned, "And how about now?" as she brought the full weight of her leg down, grinding it against Dana.

Dana couldn't answer.  Or rather could only answer by chanting repeatedly, "Oh my god, oh my god."  Alice continued to slide her leg against Dana, pleased to feel Dana respond so quickly, to what she was doing.  So quickly that it only took a few more slides before she felt Dana begin to contract and convulse against her thigh.  Alice increased the pressure for a few moments then relaxed once she felt Dana's climax begin to ease off.  She quietly slid to one side and watched as Dana, one arm flung over her eyes, gasping for breath like she had just run a marathon came down.

Soon the athlete in Dana kicked in and with one last long breath in, she rolled on her side to face Alice.  "Wow" was all she could manage but the shining in her eyes was enough endorsement for Alice.  Smiling, Alice leaned forward and gave Dana a slow sweet kiss.  "Wow yourself."

Dana returned the smile, but it was abruptly replaced with worry.  Alice saw the change immediately, "What?" she asked tenderly.

Dana looked away, clearly growing upset.  Alice tried again, "Sweetie what is it?"

Dana spoke so softly Alice could barely make out the words.  "Alice, you made me feel so amazing.  I'm just worried that I won't be able to, you know, return the favor."

"Aww Dana.  I'm sure you'll be fine!  Look, if you don't want to... we can stop anytime-"

"No!" the sudden shout startled Alice who inwardly thanked all the heavens.  For a moment there, it felt like she was going to have to go without, which she was willing to do, just not exactly eager.

"No" Dana said more to herself than to Alice, "I can do this."

Alice suggested, "Do you want me to help?"

Dana stared at her aghast.  "God no, I want to get you off Alice.  Not just watch you do it."

"Not like that, silly.  I just mean, here give me your hand."  Watching warily Dana surrendered her hand to Alice who gently placed it between her legs.  Their activities had been relatively brief, but it never took much to get Alice going.  She pressed Dana's middle finger into the groove between her lips and nodded to Dana whose eyes widened at the sensation.

"Jeez, Alice, you're drenched!" Dana demanded.

Alice blushed but didn't remove her hand guiding Dana's, "Yeah, well that's something you should know about me right away.  I tend to kind of overdo it in the moisture department. Ahh, right there."  Alice's eyes rolled back in her head and she lay back on the pillow, watching as Dana stared transfixed at her hand working its way into and around Alice's slick folds.  Soon two fingers were inside Alice while her thumb brushed against Alice's clit in an upbeat counterpoint.  Alice could not believe how good it felt.  "I can't believe Dana was worried!  She's doing just fine if you ask me.  Look how cute she is, her face is all wrinkled up in concentration, and if I didn't know any better I would think she was counting in her head to keep the tempo right.  Oh god, that is really good, really really good.  And it's Dana. My Dana.  Oh god, My Dana, My Dana, My-" The scream that ripped from the blonde could be heard from all the way down to the basement laundry room but no one mistook it for one of a damsel in distress.  Mr. Hanshka, the old widower sorting his socks glanced at the ceiling saying to the empty room, "Well isn't that nice for Alice.  Good for her." And went back to his socks.

Part 2

Author's Notes:  All hail female ejaculators.


Alice lay basking.  It was nearly 32 hours since she last slept for more than ten minutes but was too keyed up at the moment to sleep.  The long night keeping watch over Tina last night, then checking to make sure Bette was okay, leading up to The Talk with Dana where she finally confessed her more than friendly feelings, culminating in some yummy goodness of the horizontal variety, all should have put her out like a light.  Just like Dana, now sleeping peacefully in the crook of Alice's arm.  But Alice's brain refused to relax.  She thought back to the time when Dana's mom all but accused her of recruiting Dana into the Sapphic Sisterhood.  Alice's response had been to retort defensively, "I have a boyfriend" though truth be told, Lisa was less of a boy and more of a lesbian than any genetic woman Alice had ever been with.  Talk about drama!

Alice sighed and snuggled down even closer to Dana, managing to recover her arm while shifting to spoon into Dana's back.  Breathing deeply of lingering shampoo from Dana's hair, dryer sheets in the recently changed linens, and a faint hint of sex, Alice closed her eyes and drifted off.

Only to be awakened much too soon for the second time that day by her telephone ringing.  Dana stirred and mumbled something into Alice's armpit but didn't completely wake up.  Alice brought the phone to her ear but heard only the dial tone.  And the ringing didn't stop.  Realizing it was Dana's cell phone, she stretched out from the bed but was barely able to reach the tennis player's workout shorts dumped so unceremoniously onto the floor only a few hours ago.  Once the shorts were in hand, she answered the incessant ringing with a curt, "Dana Fairbanks's phone."

"Who is this?" the voice on the other end shrilled.

Alice rolled her eyes and attempted a cheerful persona, "Hi Tonya.  This is Alice."

Tonya's voice shrilled again, able to cut to glass with its severity, "Alice!  Why are you answering Dana's phone.  Oh my god, is she okay?  What's wrong?  Where's Dana?"

"Tonya, chill.  Dana is" Alice looked at Dana who was starting to move but only just, " indisposed at the moment."

"I knew those burritos last night would be the death of her!  I tried to warn her but did she listen to me?  No, of course not.  Well, I hope you have lots of scented candles, eh Alice."  Tonya laughed her high wheezing laugh, the one that always made Alice wince.

Alice winced, "Is there a message I can give Dana when she comes to?"

"Oh no, just tell her I should be there in about 3 minutes, I'm just looking for a parking spot outside your building now."

Shit, shit, shit, thought Alice.  Tonya's here!  Now!  But we're in bed.  We're naked.  We're in flagrante delicto!  Now is a very bad time to come over.  Shit, she already knows Dana is here.  Think Alice.  How to cover this?  Dana can't lie to save her soul.  But you can!

"Great Tonya.  Oh, just so you know, the elevator is out, so you'll have to take the stairs.  Bye" That ought to buy us some time.

Alice clicked the phone off.  Looking at Dana, she was struck again by her simple beauty.  High cheekbones, even tan, sculpted eyebrows courtesy of Shane, thin line of drool trickling from one corner of her mouth.

"Dana" Alice whispered in a loud stage whisper.  "You have to wake up now."  Dana smiled in her sleep in response to the voice and reached out to snuggle the nearest appendage.

Alice kicked herself for having to do it, but necessity was the mother of all bitches, "Dana!  Get up, you're late for practice!  Wimbledon is starting without you!  Martina wants you to be her doubles partner!  Get moving girl!"

At the drill sergeant tone, Dana's eyes popped open and she sat up like a rocket.  Frantically looking about the room, she finally focused on Alice sitting primly on the edge of the bed.  Frowning and falling back onto the pillows, Dana complained, "Alice.  I just got to sleep.  That wasn't funny."

Alice pulled her up into a sitting position again.  "Dana, I have to tell you something and you're not going to like it."

Dana pulled another face but stayed upright.  "What?" she whined.

"Tonya is on her way up the stairs as we speak." Alice watched carefully to make sure the words made sense to her groggy friend.  They did.

"Holy shit!" Dana cried jumping out of bed, scurrying around picking up clothes, many of them Alice's.  "She can't find me here!"

Alice watched this with some amusement as Dana tried to put on three different pieces of clothes not her own at a time before interrupting.  "Sweetie, she already knows you're here.  There isn't time to get dressed, so here's what we're gonna do.  Just follow my lead."  The doorbell rang, and Dana looked at Alice like a deer caught in headlights.  "Get back in bed and act natural."  Alice left the bewildered Dana to go answer the door.

Once the door was open a fraction, Tonya burst through.  Wearing an outfit remarkably similar to the one now gracing Alice's floor, though not nearly so flattering, Tonya stalked into the front room, calling "Dana.  Love, where are you?  How the tumbly wumbly?"

Alice waited patiently for Tonya to stop searching before saying, "Dana's in the bedroom.  We were just trying to figure out what to do about the Bette and Tina situation?  You knew they broke up, right?"

Tonya finally stopped pacing the front room, "In the bedroom?  Why in the bedroom?" and followed Alice down the darkened hallway.  Only to gasp at what she saw.

Alice and Dana sitting on the bed, naked and looking very somber.  Dana was still under the covers but her upper torso was exposed, while Alice lay back propped up against a mound of pillows next to her, legs crossed at the ankles.  Dana sat a little straighter and patted a space next to her, "Come sit down, Tonya."

Alice recrossed her legs, "Yeah, maybe you can help us figure out the best course of action."

Tonya stood rooted to the spot.  Here was her fiancée in bed nude with an equally nude person, and they acted like this was the most natural thing in the world.  Her mouth worked but no sound came out.

Alice turned her head to Dana, making sure not to ogle the perfect breasts so tantalizingly near.  "Well I think Tina will need some time to get over a betrayal like this."

Dana shifted so her head rested on Alice's legs, baring more of her lean body in the process.  "Well obviously Bette is hurting too if she was willing to jeopardize their life together over some fling."

Alice shrugged, all too aware of the closeness of Dana's head to her favorite spot, "True but-"

Suddenly she was interrupted by Tonya's incredulous voice, "Dana!  What the hell are you doing?"

Alice watched proudly as Dana merely glanced over at Tonya as if without a care in the world, "What Tonya?  We're trying to figure out how best to help Bette and Tina."

Tonya's face was growing red.  She flustered, "Dana!"

"What?" Dana's expression didn't waver, as Alice cheered in her head.

"You're naked!" Tonya's face went from rose to crimson in a matter of moments and Alice wondered if now might be a good time to jump in. But Dana again just looked at Tonya with wide eyed innocence.

"So?  Alice and I always talk naked.  You knew that."

Tonya straightened up, pronouncing, "I most certainly did not!  You mean to tell me you often come over here and cavort around in your birthday suit?"

Here Alice did join in, "I hardly think trying to find a way to save our friend's relationship constitutes cavorting."

Dana scoffed, "Yeah hardly."

Tonya huffed, "Well I'm not sure how I feel about this Dana."  She stood watching the two women for a moment longer, waiting for a response.  Not getting one, she turned squeakily on one suspiciously white sneaker and stalked out, slamming the door behind her.  Not until they heard a car door slam loudly and the car squeal off down the street, did they relax and burst into peals of laughter.

"Oh god, that was the best.  The absolute best.  The only thing better would have been to tape it." Alice delighted, "The look on her face.  I thought she was going to have a coronary."

Dana giggled kicking her heels against the bed, "Oh!  That felt so good.  God what the hell was I thinking with her?'

Alice pursed her lips together as far as they would go, "Dana!" she imitated Tonya with remarkable accuracy, "No cavorting!  Only I can see you naked, and sometimes not even me."

"Ain't that the truth." Dana smiled a small sad smile.  "She is a tad possessive."

"A tad?" Alice replied sarcastically.  "But Dana, I can't believe how well you lied to her!  I thought I was going to have to carry the whole thing, and there you were looking cool as a cucumber and good enough to eat."

Dana waggled her eyebrows, "Oh really?" and shifted her head closer to the apex of Alice's legs.  "You know" she drawled as she drew one finger up and down Alice's thigh, "I thought for a second I might blow it."

Alice suddenly found it hard to catch her breath.  The timbre of Dana's voice had changed into a lower huskier one.  The tone she always found irresistible.  "Really?" she squeaked.

Dana's lips began to follow the path of her fingers, "Mmhmm.  It was about the time I thought I could smell you."

Alice gasped, "Really?"

Dana's tongue reached out to swipe at the triangle of hair, "Really.  I thought to myself, God, is that Alice I smell?  No, it can't be.  Not with Tonya here.  But now that she's gone and I'm able to concentrate, I think it just might have been you."  And with that she pressed her face into Alice's thighs just as Alice slid them apart.  Alice felt like she had died and gone to heaven.

It was true that the whole scene with Tonya had done nothing to dispel her hatred of the woman, but at the same time, she found herself incredibly aroused by the sight of Dana's head resting on her legs.  The feel of Dana's soft hair on her thighs tickled just enough to send a message to Alice's monkey brain and set the juices flowing.  She worried that if Tonya lingered much longer she would be caught in a much more compromising situation.  "Hi Tonya, your fiancée was just getting me wet.  Care to join the discussion?"

Dana continued to shift her body until she was situated just right.  Not too much neck strain, enough air circulating to breath, she was good to go for hours if need be, lapping away at Alice like a cat with cream.  Alice on the other hand was rising higher with each nibble, lick and suck from Dana.

"All those years watching Mr. Piddles wash himself must have unconsciously taught Dana about proper body mechanics.  Hey, that's right; I need to check with Mr. P's vet again.  See if he came up with any reason for his untimely demise.  Okay Dana, ease up there kid.  Plenty of me to go around.  Oh yeah, that's it.  Very nice.  Very.  No, she can't be!  Oh god, she is.  Yes, do that again.  Do that swirly thing!  Yes, do it.  Do it!"

Alice's hips rocked in time to Dana's tongue on her clit.  No other action was required, just the steady pulse of pressure from Dana's tongue to set Alice's legs quaking.  Soon she was trembling, crying out in her delight, "Oh yes, Dana that's it.  Don't stop, it's so good.  Don't ever stop."  As she felt herself coming, Alice glanced down, meeting Dana's eyes shining with excitement.  It was the one thing guaranteed to send her over.

Recovering a few seconds later, though it might have been days as far as Alice was concerned, she pulled Dana up to her, tasting herself all over her lover's face.  "God, Dana that was fantastic."

Dana looked concerned, "Sure?'

Alice burst out laughing, "Sweetie I am so sure!"

Dana glanced down, bashful, "Well I wasn't sure.  I mean, Tonya never let me, but now that I think about it, that might have been a good thing.  I mean, it might have ruined it forever, you know?  And it's been a while since Lara."

Alice stopped her, "What do you mean, Tonya wouldn't let you do it?"

Dana shook her head, "No, Tonya never let me go down on her.  She has a real thing about it too.  I mean, I couldn't get her to do much else to me but that."

"Let me get this straight." Alice took a deep breath, "Tonya dictated what you could do in bed?  Didn't she care what you wanted?"

Again shaking her head, "I guess not.  She was very specific about what we could do, or at least what I could do.  To her, I mean."

Alice could not believe what she was hearing, "And that was what, exactly?"

Dana thought, "Well, she went down on me all the time, but I couldn't go down on her.  She would, you know, rub on me, her on top, that was always good to get her off but that seemed like it was the only way."

"Wow" was all Alice could say.  "What a total butch.  And not in the good way."

"Yeah." Sighed Dana.

Alice quickly took her face into her hands and kissed her deeply.  When they came up for air, Alice said quietly with a smile in her voice, "Dana, you can get me off any way you want."

"Thanks Alice."

"You bet."

For the third time that day, Alice awoke to the sound of the phone ringing, but this time she was determined to ignore it.  Dana on the other hand was unable to do so, and picked up the receiver from her side of the bed.  "Hello, Alice's place.  No, she's asleep right now, can I take a message?  Oh, hi Dr. Johnson, this is Dana Fairbanks.  Yes, thank you, it was a great shock to lose Mr. Piddles so suddenly.  Why are you calling Alice, she doesn't have any pets?  Oh, okay.  Yes, I'll see she gets the message.  Bye."

Alice rolled over as Dana put the phone back.  "I'm up.  What did Johnson say?" afraid to hear the answer, Alice held her breath.

"She said to tell you the test results were positive.  What does that mean?" Dana sounded confused.

"Oh nothing.  C'mere, I'm getting cold.  But first unplug the phone.  I want to hide from humanity for the next three hours at least."  Inside Alice's head, her brain felt like it was going to explode.  Positive!  The test results were positive!  So Mr. P had been poisoned, just as she suspected.  There was only one person who was cruel enough and crazy enough to have poisoned Dana's most cherished cat, Mr. Piddles, International Cat of Mystery.  Alice never quite understood Dana's overwhelming affection for the little furrball, the nicknames, the voices, god help them the costumes at Halloween and cards at Christmas, but she certainly never resented him either.

Alice wrapped her arms around Dana who cooed with contentment.  Alice wondered how in the world she was going to break the news to Dana.  Not that she didn't want to bust Tonya, but the damage to Dana could be substantial.  True, everyone had one girlfriend who could be classified as "psycho" sooner or later if one dated long enough in the lesbian pool, but psycho didn't necessarily mean homicidal.   She decided to ponder this a bit further, and seek advice from the one woman who had more psycho exes than the rest of them put together: Shane.

Shane sat morosely staring into her cup of coffee.  In its swirls, she saw the layers of color in Cherie's hair; the cup reminded her of Cherie's alabaster skin under her breasts, the scent-. Crash!  Shane sent the cup flying against the wall of The Planet to the startled squeaks of the other patrons.  Marina merely sighed, made another cappuccino, poured it into a disposable paper cup and set it in front of Shane.  Shane looked up, her eyes bloodshot through her blue blocker sunglasses.

"That'll be thirteen fifty." Marina informed her quietly.

Shane frowned, "For a 'cino?"

"Three fifty for the coffee, and ten for the cup." She replied.  "Next time let me know and I'll make it for you in the yellow cups.  Those ones you can break with impunity.  Francesca bought them." And walked off.

Shane sighed and took a healthy swig off the steaming drink.  Never in all her years of womanizing, carousing, or hustling was there a woman who created such feelings in Shane.  Excitement, thrill, danger but also long moments of peace and serenity.  She knew that they would never be able to sustain the extensity forever, but neither did it occur to her that Cherie would break it off completely.  One moment they were enjoying themselves to the fullest, and then suddenly it was over!  Restraining orders, angry husbands making threats, blocked phone calls.  Shane sat back wondering how it was possible to feel so completely shattered and yet still be able to function.  To dress, to go to work, cut heads; come here to watch her coffee swirl in the cup, reminding her again of Cherie.

She seriously considered trying the old negative reinforcement trick of wearing a rubber band and snapping it sharply against her wrist every time she caught herself thinking of Cherie.  But with the frequency of the blonde's appearance in her head, Shane's wrist would look like a strung out junkie's in a few days.  She sighed again.  And was actually grateful when Alice plonked herself down in the opposite chair demanding her attention.

"Tonya killed Mr. Piddles." She said quietly but with a ferocity that surprised Shane.  Sure, they all hated the over teased, loud, overbearing woman who so dominated Dana's life these days, but oftentimes-new girlfriends were like that.  They wanted to assert some sense of superiority over one's regular friends, just to prove the strength of the relationship.  Unless of course, the relationship was a secret.  In Cherie's case, she never cared enough to find out anything about Shane's friends, and never needed to assert anything, knowing with cold calculation that Shane's response would always be "How High?" when she said, "Jump."  Shaking her head to clear the sound of Cherie's voice from her memory, Shane scoffed, "What?"

Glancing around to see if anyone was listening, Alice explained, "I never trusted that woman, so when Mr. P. up and died so suddenly I got suspicious, and had his vet-"

"That hot Dr. Johnson?" Shane interrupted.  Just because she wished she were dead, didn't mean she was.

"Yes, hot Dr. Johnson.  I had her do an autopsy on Mr. Piddles and test for any poisons, you know?  Well today, she calls to tell me that he had enough arsenic in his system to take out ten cats.  She wants me to have Dana make a list of any neighbors or people who might have something against her cat, for going in their yard or eating petunias or whatever.  Apparently it's illegal to poison cats."

Shane thought for a moment, "So Dana has to make up an enemies list for Mr. Piddles?"

Alice rolled her eyes.  "But Mr. P was an indoor cat, he never went outside!  It must have been Tonya."

She sat back in her chair to gage Shane's reaction.

"Why would she kill Dana's cat?"

"Because he was competition.  Shane!  She's a wacko.  And we need to find a way to get rid of her."

"Like arsenic?  Isn't that a bit extreme?"

Alice fumed, "We aren't going to poison her.  But who knows what she'll do if Dana tries to break up with her the normal way?"

Shane considered this.  "Well we know she won't take it well.  Why not make her think it was her idea?"

Alice looked puzzled.  "What do you mean?"

Shane smiled a sweet, evil smile, "We make her break up with Dana, rather than Dana breaking up with her."

"But she adores being with Dana.  Probably sees her as a meal ticket.  Or being famous by association.  What better than to be the wife of someone famous?  You aren't responsible to do anything, other than look halfway presentable on the red carpet.  Like Anne Heche."

Shane's smile got even bigger, "But what if Dana did something so reprehensible that even Tonya couldn't take it?"

Now it was Alice's turn to smile, "Shane, this is Dana we're talking about.  What could she possibly do that was so awful Tonya would break up with her over it?"

"Oh, I have some ideas."

Two days later, Alice watched as Shane's cunning plan went into effect.  Tonya and a slew of her equally loud, obnoxious social hyena friends were gathered around a standing table at "Twat, The Night" drinking fruity drinks and cackling loudly.  Tonya could be seen flailing her hands around, particularly the left, until said hand was grabbed by one of the woman who then screamed at the realization that her bling ring was real, and worn on the third finger.

At the next table, with an equally loud but more surly group, was Darcy, her blond hair spiked in front and matted in back.  She too waved her hands about, shoving her ring finger under each of her companion's faces declaring loudly enough for even Alice to hear her quite clearly, "Yeah, mighty Ms. Fairbanks gave it to me after two weeks together.  I think she thought I was going to give it back when she dumped me for some other loser, but no way, this ring is worth five figures at least.  I think I deserved it for all the time I put into her, if you know what I mean.  Who knows how many other saps she gave it to before me?"  She took a long slow drink of her cocktail, and Alice was impressed that she managed to position herself so the ring on her smallish hand lined right up with Tonya's line of sight.

Tonya took the bait.  Her eyes were riveted on Darcy's ring, an exact duplicate of the one on her own finger.

"Actually" shouted Darcy to be heard over the music, "She probably has dozens of them locked up in a wall safe somewhere.  One for each girl to buy just another week with her.  God, what a pig.  Like I really believed she wanted to marry me."

Alice saw Tonya's eyes go wide, and her skin pale.  Suddenly her companions found fascinating things all over the room at which to stare, as they all intently listened to Darcy, who sloshed her drink again.

"Yeah, the sex was okay." Leaning in conspiratorially yet still talking loud enough to be heard around the room, "Did you know she was an ejaculator?  Then acted like it was some gift from heaven.  Jees, I know girls who do that as party tricks."

Dana had objected strongly at revealing this most intimate detail of her life to the world at large until Alice pointed out that Tonya had most likely already spread the news of her unique ability.  Judging by the looks on the faces of Tonya's pack, she had.  But it also served as confirmation that Darcy could not possibly be lying.

Just then, Dana walked in.  She nervously scanned the room, and meeting Alice's eyes, softened visibly.  Alice nodded toward Tonya.  Squaring her shoulders, Dana put on a happy face and walked over to Tonya's table.  Leaning in to kiss her unsuspectingly on the cheek, Dana attempted a smooth tone, "Hey Baby, been waiting long?"

Tonya cringed away from Dana and her offending lips immediately.  "How dare you!" she shrieked.  "If you think I'm going to be one in a long line of losers you think you can buy with cheap jewelry and phony marriage proposals, you've got another thing coming!  I wouldn't marry you if you were the last woman on earth." And with that, she drew up her formidable bosom and stormed out to great applause from the awestruck crowd.  Dana looked properly perplexed until the last of Tonya's cronies had made their sympathy exit.  Once the last of them were gone, however, she let out a whoop calling for drinks all around to the delight of the already delighted crowd.  Darcy danced over grinning from ear to elvish ear.  "Oh my god, that was so much fun!  Dana if ever you need me to do that again to some bitch, I am so there!  What a rush." She threw her arms around Dana in a quick hug, and then pulled the ring off, handing it to her.  "Here's your ring back.  It wasn't really worth all I said it was, was it?"

When Dana sheepishly admitted it was, Darcy smirked, "Now she tells me.  I shoulda kept it as payment.  But really, the look on that cow's face was payment enough.  You rock, girl!"

Dana quickly put the ring in the inside pocket of her jacket zipping it in securely.  Shane appeared at her elbow and led her to the table where Alice sat smiling.

"You guys are the best!  I never would have thought of this in a million years!" she hugged Shane fiercely.

"Aww, it was nothing but fun." Shane dipped her head modestly.  Dana kissed her on the cheek, laughing to see the flustered Shane blush.  Then she turned to Alice, "Thank you." She said quietly.  Dana leaned over the table and Alice turned out her cheek for her token kiss.  Dana looked perplexed at this but pecked the smooth cheek anyway.  Alice squeezed her hand under the table.

Shane stood, "Hey, you guys, I gotta jet.  Danes, glad it worked out.  Al, call me later." And with that, she disappeared into the night.

Dana turned to Alice, "Hey, Tonya's gone.  Why are you going all closet-y on me?"

Alice melted, "Sweetie, it's not that.  I just want to make sure Tonya has fully gotten the picture and is sure that you two are over, before we, you know, let everyone know we're together.  I mean, I know our friends won't care, but how will it look to all those impressionable baby dykes out there if their hero hooks up with another girl so soon after being dumped so publicly?  I don't want anyone to think this is some kind of rebound fling."

"No that's true." Dana admitted ruefully.  "But we are together, right?  This isn't just some thing to get me to break up with Tonya and now that it's done, your mission is accomplished?"

"No, not at all.  In fact," she said waggling her eyebrows, "I think we should go somewhere and get us some hot rebound sex right now!"


"Dana, we talked about that word."

Laughing and arguing, the two left the bar, while a pair of mournful blue eyes watched from a dark booth in the back.  Shane whispered to herself, "So Alice and Dana, eh?  Well good for them."

Part 3

Disclaimers: all of Season One is up for grabs, none of it belongs to me, I just have wayyy to much time on my hands.   No idea what Mr. Fairbanks does for a living, was that mentioned ever?  Kris Pappas is all mine and certainly not based on a gorgeous woman I worked with and had a huge crush on once.  Nope, not at all.  Okay, maybe a little.

Author's Note: all legal knowledge here represented is based on Perry Mason reruns and the various incarnations of Law and Order.  As always, the most thanks go to IJ my Amazing beta reader.


Dana looked at Alice.  Alice looked at Dana.  Shane looked at them both and rolled her eyes.  For a couple trying to keep their relationship a secret, they were doing a terrible job.  It wasn't just the long looks over coffee cups.  It wasn't even the non-to-subtle sudden absences.   It was the closeness of their chairs at the table.  It was the lingering fingers as one passed the other a packet of fake sugar.  It was the unconscious way Alice pulled a tendril of Dana's hair off her face.  She wasn't even aware that she did it.   But to Shane every move and gesture shouted out to her of their newfound status, and only seemed to emphasize the loss she still felt in her heart over Cheri.  Sometimes it felt as if she would go out of her mind.  Never had she felt this kind of all consuming pain, actual physical pain, at the thought of Cheri.  Shane cursed, startling the lovebirds out of their reverie toward each other, and left the table.

"We have to do something for Shane.  She's really starting to worry me." Alice proclaimed, wiping a crumb off Dana's cheek.

Dana nibbled at the finger before it got away, "I know.  I've never seen her this upset over a girl."

Alice smiled ruefully, "Yeah, it's usually the other girl moaning and wailing.  I don't get it though.  I mean, wasn't it just a fling with Whatshername?  Isn't it always a fling?  This is Shane after all."

Dana pondered, "I don't know, I guess not if she's this upset over it all."

"God, " said Alice, "You don't suppose she really loved Whatshername?  Really love loved her, you know?"

"It looks like she might have."  Dana admitted.

"I feel like I'm living in a soap opera.  First Tina and Bette break up, now Shane's all freaked out over a fling gone bad.  What next?  Amnesia, someone getting thrown down a well or stranded on a desert island?"

Dana sang, "Just sit right back and hear a tale, a tale of a fateful trip."

Alice joined her, "That started from a tropic port, aboard this tiny ship…"

In no time at all, they had the whole joint singing along forgetting what brought up the song in the first place.

When they pulled into Dana's driveway a few hours later, Alice asked, "Are you sure it's going to be safe for me to be here?  Tonya's gone, locks changed, all that?"

Dana smiled, "Yes, when I got home this morning, all her stuff was gone and her key was on the kitchen table.  As per your orders, I had Harrison come over and change all the locks for me."

"Harrison?" Alice was amazed.  She only thought he was good for being a beard during Dana's closeted tennis star dates.

"Yeah, he's got a crush on one of those Queer Eye guys, so he's learning how to be handy.  I could have done it myself, but why bother when he needs the practice?"

"Good point" Alice agreed, and then was startled to find herself roughly pushed against the front door once she was inside.  "Oof!  Hello, can I help you Dana?"

Dana was busy pulling on Alice's coral shirt, trying to free it from her jeans.  "Okay I think I was really good back there, and in the car, totally not touching you since you aren't ready to be "out" in public with me, but we're home now."

Alice raised an eyebrow, "So you decided to ravish me?"

Dana glanced up from what she was doing, "Uhm, yeah?"

Alice took pity on her, taking her face in her hands marveling at the soft skin, "Honey, I know it's hard, but really I just want to make sure there are no adverse repercussions from Tonya before we start letting the world know that we're together."

Dana covered the hands with her own.  "I know, it's just…when you look so good, and sound so good, and smell-"

"So good, I get it, I get it.  Another couple of days and then we'll be free and clear.  Then it's public sex all the way."

Dana perked up, "Really!"

Alice slapped her lightly on the arm, "No, not really but we can at least hold hands, and make out in dark corners like real couples do.  Until then, you'll just have to get your fill of me in private."

"As if I could." Mumbled Dana.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Alice, I don't know if it's just because it's you and I'm so comfortable with you or what the deal is, but I can't stop thinking about you.  I mean, all the time.  At home, at work, in the bathroom."

Alice stopped her, "You think about me in the bathroom?"

"Yeah, I mean no.  I mean, while I'm in the bathroom, you just pop into my head.  I just sit there and think about how amazing you are and how much I love being with you, and wondering what you're doing right then and…is that weird?  It's weird, isn't it?"  Dana searched Alice's face for a reaction.

"Yes, it's weird.  But no weirder than my thinking about you while I'm writing.  I wrote an entire article today and have no idea how or what it was about because I was thinking about you the whole time.  Well, okay it is more weird to think of me while in the bathroom, but I see your point.  Look this is still very new to both of us, and it's a little overwhelming, but wonderful overwhelming."

Dana smiled, "It is pretty wonderful."

Alice's brown eyes sparkled, "Yes it is.  Hey, aren't you supposed to be ravishing me?"

"Oh yeah." Dana replied and set her mind back to the task at hand.  She finished pulling Alice's shirt out, and then pulled it up over her head but rather than taking it all the way off, Dana used it to bind Alice's hands together.

"Uh, Dana?" questioned Alice.

"Don't talk." Dana looked Alice right in the eye, paused for a moment before whispering, "Say Gilligan if you want me to stop for real.  Otherwise, please just let me do this."

Curious and excited beyond belief, Alice nodded wordlessly but in her head she was screaming, "Oh my god, Dana wants to play?  She wants to play rough?  I can't believe it.  What happened to sweet, naïve Dana?  I guess she needs to reclaim her power as a woman, after how Tonya treated her.   But does she really think she can do this?  Hey, why I can't I lower my arms?  Oh god, I guess she can do this.  I think I am in big trouble.  Goodie."

Dana had managed to wrap Alice's shirt around her hands, and then suspend them on a hook on the back of the door, leaving her full access to the rest of Alice's body to do with as she pleased.  And she pleased to lick and fondle each nipple to diamond hardness.  She pleased to quickly pull down Alice's slacks, only fumbling for a moment when her heavy boots got in the way of them completely coming off.  She pleased to tease with her tongue, teeth and lips all the way back up Alice's legs, spread so obligingly apart.

A little too obligingly, it seemed.  Dana made her way up Alice's nude form, bypassing her core but slowly kissing every other exposed inch until she was once again dipping her tongue into Alice's panting mouth.  Alice tried to be patient, she really did.  She wanted to be the good little camper that Dana needed her to be, but submissive just wasn't part of Alice's hardwiring for long.

"God Dana, you're making me crazy!" she gasped.

Dana licked the cords of tendon in her neck, "Good."

"Dana" Alice didn't want to plead but couldn't help it, "C'mon, I need it."

Lick.  "Need what, Al?" Lick, lick.

"God, did I mention that you are making me crazy?  I need you."

"Need me to what?"

"You want me to say it?  Fine "Alice deadpanned, "Oh Dana I need you so much, I want you to fuck me. 

Oh yeah, make me come.  You hot babe you."  Her tone was flat and nasal, sounding more like Ben Stein than a woman in the throes of ecstasy.

This was not the correct response.  Dana's eyes narrowed, and Alice swallowed convulsively, and tentatively pulled her arms against the shirt.  "Uh oh, " she thought, "I think I just screwed up here.  Shit, if she gets mad enough to walk off, I am well and truly stuck here.  Unless I want to wreck either my shirt or Dana's door or both." 

Luckily, Dana took pity on her.  "Alice" she said in a silky voice that made Alice weak in the knees.  "Remember when you said you nearly came the first time we kissed?"

"Yes, " Alice admitted hesitantly, thinking,  "Oh god, is she going to actually try to do it?  Oh god, she is, there she is trying.  And I think she'll do it."

Dana's face was a study in concentration.  Feeling heat emanating from between Alice's legs, she decided to take pity on the trembling, moaning blond.  She brought her hand up and slid her index fingers through the silky wet curls, feeling Alice quake as she did so.  One finger simply wasn't enough, so another was added.  Long deep kisses kept tempo with slow gentle thrusts.  Long deep thrusts competed with slow gentle kisses.  No one had every made Alice feel this way, at least not so soon in the relationship.  Usually there was the standard Getting To Know You phase where each person brought out their best stuff to see what worked on the other, a hit and miss proposition at best.  But with Dana, each touch, each kiss, each new technique added to the pleasure Alice was able to achieve.  Soon she was crying out Dana's name, who managed to unhook her and help her collapse into a heap onto the hard wooden floor without hurting herself in the process.

"Good god woman." Alice panted, "What you do to me."

Shy Dana had returned.  "Yeah well, you inspire me."

"Well help me up and into your room, so I can return the favor." She smiled wickedly.

Dana gulped.  "Gilligan?"

The next morning, Alice and Dana were enjoying a late morning breakfast of scones and coffee, each reading a section of the paper; Dana sports, Alice the book reviews when there came a knock on the door followed immediately by the chiming of the bell.  Frowning, Dana went to answer it.  When she came back, Alice was startled at how pale her lover looked, holding a blue backed paper in her hand. 

Dana tried to speak, "She, she's..."

Alice jumped up "Sweetie, what is it?  Are you okay?  You're white as a sheet.  Is it your folks?"  Grabbing the paper from Dana's hand, she read it over quickly.  And exploded.

"Tonya's suing you?  What the fuck?  She can't sue you!"

Dana couldn't speak, watching in silence as Alice paced the kitchen continuing to read.  "Breach of contract!  What contract?  She can't sue you for breach of contract when you had no contract!"  Stopping to look at Dana, "Tell me you never signed a contract with that bitch."

Dana shook her head, "No, never."

Alice resumed pacing and fuming, "Well that just goes to show she's a wacko!"

"Unless" started Dana.

Alice whirled around, "Unless what?"

"Well unless you count the marriage proposal." Dana thought, "Does that count as a contract?  Like a verbal one?"

"Oh shit." Alice swore, as Dana grew pale again.  "Quick, let's call your dad, he's a lawyer."

"No, I can't call him about this.  He still can't accept I'm gay, let alone being sued for proposing to a..a"

"Psycho?" Alice supplied helpfully.  "Bitch?  Psycho bitch?"

"I was going to say woman, but psycho works too.  We need someone better.  We need, we need…"

Alice jumped up, "We need Tina."

"Tina?  She's not a lawyer.  Besides, she's still all freaked out about what happened with Bette and Candace.  I can't bother her about this now.  She's got her own stuff to figure out."

Alice had already pulled out her cell phone.  "Tina?  Hey, it's Alice.  Howya doing?  I know, it must be terrible.  You know we're all here for you, right?  Good.  Look, I hate to be the worst friend in all the world, I can't imagine what kind of pain you're in right now, but I need your help.  Actually, it's Dana who needs your help.  You know that psycho Tonya?  Well she's suing Dana.  For breach of contract.  I know, isn't it amazing, the gall?  You can?  Great, I knew you would.  Look, why don't we meet you at the Center in an hour.  Thanks T.  Love you."

Alice looked at Dana.  "Tina's going to meet us at the Advocacy Center in an hour.  She thinks there's a lawyer there who can help us put the kibosh on this whole thing before it even gets started."

Dana's eyes grew moist, "Jees, Al, you take such good care of me."

Alice took her in her arms, "Nothing to it, Sweetie."

At the Advocacy Center, Tina met them in the dull beige reception area.  "Come on, we can talk in here."  As she led them into a conference room furnished with many styles of folding metal and plastic chairs and an uneven table, Dana mouthed to Alice, "She looks good."  Given Tina's appearance, the last time she had seen her, Alice was amazed.  Tina was well turned out in a light blue casual business suit with low-slung heels.  After the heartbreak of Bette's betrayal Alice had imagined she would barely be able to brush her own teeth, let alone dive back into her volunteer work at the center.

"Edgar gave me the names of some great lawyers who have helped out here over the years.  I called one named Kris who said she could meet us here in about a half an hour.  Do you want to fill me in on this?" Tina poured coffee for them all, and then sat at the end of the table.  "Dana, how can Tonya being suing you?  I heard she broke up with you?"

Alice said, startled, "You heard?  You heard where?"

Tina smiled, "Shane filled me in on the whole thing.  She called yesterday to check on how I was doing with the whole uh situation with Bette.  Good plan, by the way.  Making Tonya think it was her idea."

Dana gave her a small grin, "How are you doing, Tina?  I mean, this deal with Tonya, that's just stuff, you know.  How are you, really?"

Tina smiled back, "Actually, I think I'm still in shock.  I process but when I think about what happened, it feels like it's happening to someone else, you know?  I know I should talk to Bette, but every time she calls, I just get so angry again, I can't face her.  Once I can hear her voice without seeing red, we'll figure something out.  Until then, it's actually good for me to have something else to think about."

Dana blew out a sigh, "Well as long as you know we're here for you in any way you need us."

"I know" Tina replied.  "Oh this must be Kris."

Kris Pappas walked breezily into the room, "I'm looking for Tina Kinnard.  They said the conference room and this is the only room big enough to qualify."

Tina rose from the table and shook Kris by the hand.  "Hello, I'm Tina.  Yes, we are a bit cramped for space around here.  I sure appreciate your coming over on such short notice."

Kris, a blond woman in her early forties, who could only be described as short, was also stunning.  Her shoulder length hair curled slightly and brushed back easily from her face, revealing high-sculpted cheekbones.  Her eyes shone brilliant blue, highlighted by her English rose complexion complete with a scattering of freckles across her nose.  She quickly scanned the room, focusing her deep blue eyes on Dana.  "You're Dana Fairbanks, are you not?"

Dana rose nearly spilling her coffee in the process, "No, I am." She stammered.

"Breathe sweetie." Murmured a none too amused Alice as she too stood to shake the woman's French manicured hand.  "I'm Alice." And sat again.

Kris raised one eyebrow but never skipped a beat.  "So Tina, what can I do for you?"

Tina quickly explained the situation to Kris.  "So, Tonya is suing Dana for breach of contract, and since Dana never signed a contract, we can only assume Tonya is referring to the marriage proposal."

Kris focused her gaze on Dana, "And you are sure you don't want to marry this Tonya?"

Dana and Alice both answered "No!" too quickly, a point that flew by Tina but was picked up on by Kris. 

"And did you tell her specifically that you don't want to marry her anymore, or give any reason for breaking the engagement?"

This time Alice remained silent.  "No." Dana answered.  "I haven't spoken to her personally since the night we broke up."

"You didn't break up" Kris corrected her, "She broke up with you.  If anything, she is the one at fault.  Now, did you get back the ring?"

"No" admitted Dana, "She can have it if she really wants it."

"I don't think so." Said Kris fiercely "Not if it's worth what you said it is.  The way I see it, she is the one who broke up with you, she broke the engagement when she did so, and she had better return that ring if she knows what's good for her."

Tina asked with an amused smile, "So you'll take the case?"

Kris smiled back, "Oh yeah, I love this kind of case.  Makes up for all the crummy ones I lose to high-powered teams of corporate lawyers.  If this Tonya is the kind of woman I think she is, she's too cheap to hire a real lawyer, or anyone who's any good.  She clearly is in this for the money.  I'll make sure she doesn't get any."  Her eyes grew flinty for a moment, "And if we do this just right, she'll have to pay some out in the end."  Just as suddenly, Kris's eyes warmed.  "Now who do I have to screw to get some of that sludge they call coffee around here?"

"I guess that'd be me," said Tina brightly to the shock of Dana and Alice. 

"Great.  Actually unless you have any more details to fill me in on, my work here is done for the moment."

Said Kris rising from her chair gracefully.  "Unless you'd care to let me treat you to lunch?"  The question was directed at Tina, who blushed and looked away but said nothing.

Alice and Dana stared at the petite blond.  Alice cleared her throat, "I have to get to work myself, and don't you have practice, Dana?"

Dana shook her head, "No, remember I cancelled-" She was cut off by Alice giving her The Look, the one that said If we go now, we can be in bed within ten minutes.  "Oh right!  Practice.  I need practice." 

Shaking hands with both women, Kris smiled brilliantly.  "It was a pleasure to meet you, and rest assured this will all be water under the bridge in a few days."

"Great, thanks." And with that Dana and Alice left.  Kris turned to Tina who had been watching her.  "So, to lunch then?"

Tina gestured to the door, "After you."

Three days later, all four of them met outside their assigned courtroom door.  On Kris's advice, Dana wore a cream pantsuit, borderline bland, in keeping with her appearance of non-threatening innocence.  Kris herself was dressed in a conservative navy blue power suit and black heeled boots.  She was the picture of competent attorney.

At her side stood Tina, surprising Alice and Dana when they arrived.  "I had to see how it all came out." She confessed handing them each a coffee.  Wearing a bright print dress and low pumps she seemed well on her way to returning to the cheery, confident Tina they both remembered.  This is itself unsettled Alice a bit.  "Tina seems so together.  What happened to the shell-shocked husk of a woman I found in my apartment?  Shouldn't she still be all-heartbroken and stuff?  I mean, Bette hasn't left the house in days.  And how does she know how Kris takes her coffee?  And why is Kris keeping her hand on Tina's elbow as we're walking in.  Huh, kind of like how Dana has hers on mine right now.  Oh my god!  Kris is doing Tina!  No way!" Alice looked again at the pair of women in front of her.  Kris was leaning against the railing at the front of the courtroom chatting amiably with Tina.  When Tina said something she found amusing, Kris reached out to lay her hand on Tina's forearm, giving it a slight squeeze.  Having been the recipient of just such a squeeze by Dana in the past week, Alice drew a quick breath in.  "Oh my god, they're doing it!  But Tina, what about Bette?  No, this is none of my business.  If Tina wants to get a little comfort from the cute little lawyer, who am I to pass judgment on it?  I'm Bette's friend too, that's who.  Well clearly Tina and I are going to have to have a heart to heart talk about this!"  Realizing that for now she needed to concentrate on the issues at hand, Alice pushed what she thought to be true into the back of her mind.

The case began with little or no fanfare.  Alice smirked when she saw Tonya enter with her lawyer, a balding man who resembled the character of Stanford from "Sex and the City" so much she did a double take.  Tonya wore a loud robin's egg blue suit that appeared to be tailored yet ill fitting at the same time.  Her handbag matched her shoes but neither matched the suit, and around her neck was flung a gaudy scarf in deep red and gold.  Her lawyer had her on the stand first where she explained how Dana "had done her wrong" going into great detail of Dana's pursuit of her at the Dina Shore Weekend, insisting she ride home with her "gang of hangers on", then proposing after only a few weeks of seeing each other, presenting her with the large diamond ring now flashing on her hand.  Next, she outlined the conversation overheard at the bar wherein she learned of Dana's reputation as a player, and how she had felt compelled to end their relationship then and there.  Kris reserved the right to question the witness, namely Tonya, at a later date but didn't ask any questions.  Tonya's lawyer then called Darcy to the stand, much to the surprise of Alice, Dana and Tina.  Apparently, it took more than a surprise witness to faze Kris, who simply noted it on her legal pad, listening closely to Darcy's replies.  After Darcy told the judge what she had said at the bar, Kris took advantage of her right to cross-examine the witness.

"So you told your friends that Dana Fairbanks had proposed marriage to you?" asked Kris in a crisp businesslike tone.

"Yes" answered Darcy, leaning in toward the microphone.

"And you told them that Dana Fairbanks had given you an engagement ring?"


And you told them Dana Fairbanks was known for being a female ejaculator?"

"Well not exactly.  I told them that she could do it and seemed inordinately proud of being able to do so."

She leaned back in the chair and smirked up at the judge.  "But I also told them I knew girls who did that as party tricks."  The judge, an imposing middle-aged man looked impressed but said nothing.

"And, was any of it true?  What you said to your friends that night?" asked Kris, redirecting the court's attention.

Darcy leaned toward the mic again, "Not a word of it."

Tonya gasped.  Her lawyer paled and shuffled through his papers.  Alice guffawed while Tina snorted.  Kris ignored them all, pressing on.

"So you were never asked by Dana Fairbanks to marry you?"


"And you were never given an engagement ring by Dana Fairbanks?"


"And you never commented on Dana Fairbanks ability to ejaculate?"

"Oh wait, I did mention that."  Darcy smiled sweetly at Dana, "But I have no idea if it's true."  Dana blushed furiously and ducked her head, thankful for the absence of reporters in the courtroom.

"Thank you." Kris said dismissing her and walking back to the table.  "Your Honor, I would like to call the plaintiff to the stand to cross examine her testimony now, if you please."

"Certainly." Complied the judge, warming considerably to the defense.

Once Tonya was seated again, Kris attacked.  "Now then, did you or did you not break up in public with my client?"

Tonya tried to look sympathetic but only managed to look oily, "Well after I overheard the previous witness's conversation with her friends, I assumed Dana was just using me."

Kris's eyes narrowed into dangerous slits.  In a cold voice, she repeated, "Did you or did you not break up in public with my client?"

Tonya gulped, "Well, yes I did but-"

Kris interjected, "Thank you, nothing further." Turning to face the judge, "Your Honor, it would appear that the plaintiff has no cause for broken contract since she is the one who broke the contract by breaking up with Ms. Fairbanks.  In light of this, I ask that you dismiss the charges against my client, and impose all court costs against the plaintiff with punitive damages for wasting the court's time and energy on such a frivolous matter.  And make her return the ring."

"Indeed, I agree Ms. Pappas.  Will the plaintiff please rise?"  Trembling and looking ready to kill her lawyer, Tonya rose to her feet.  The judge continued.  "You have wasted the state's time and energy on this case, which would have been moot even if you hadn't broken up with the defendant first seeing as how there is no such thing as marriage between two females in this state.  So even if  Ms. Fairbanks did break off the engagement there was no valid contract to begin with.  In light of this reckless litigation, I am hereby imposing all court costs, including the defendant's attorney fees, to you along with a two thousand dollar fine.  And you will return Ms. Fairbanks ring to her immediately.  Case dismissed."  And with that, the judge rose from the bench and exited through a back door.

Tonya sat back down in the witness chair, clearly deflated.  Dana hugged Kris, swinging her up in the air and around while the lawyer protested.  "Hey there!  Not good for the image, let me go!" she insisted smiling as much as her client.    Dana vaulted over the rail in her haste to hug Alice who whooped and hollered while Tina looked on grinning from ear to ear.  Darcy hovered uncertain in the background until Dana caught sight of her and swept her up into a hard embrace, exclaiming, "God Darcy you saved me again!  How can I ever thank you?"

Darcy beamed, "Honey it was worth it to stick it to that pig again!  Though I suppose a formal intro to your hot lawyer would square the books with us." She waggled her eyebrows up and down.  Dana laughed and brought her over to where Kris was standing quite close to Tina talking to her in a low tone.  Dana tapped her on the shoulder and Kris moved a pace back.  Tina looked guiltily away.

"Kris, this is Darcy.  Darcy this is Kris." Dana sputtered awkwardly aware she was interrupting something between the two older women.

Kris held out her hand to be shook, "Darcy, you really saved us there.  Thanks."

Darcy held the hand, "It was my pleasure." She purred, "Any time."

Kris's eyes twinkled, "No doubt." Retrieving her hand, she turned immediately to Tina, "So, you ready to go?"

Tina glanced anxiously at Dana but replied cheerily, "Yup, ready whenever you are."  Taking the shorter woman by the arm, Tina led her out of the courtroom while the rest watched awestruck.

"Okay that is just so wrong." Said Alice when Dana rejoined her.  In response, Dana took Alice by the hand and stared deep into her brown eyes.  "Al, you know what this means, right?"

Alice cocked her head to one side, "It means you don't have to pay Kris' fees for one thing.  And you can bet she's going to charge Tonya twice as much as she would have charged you."

"Argh" growled Dana in frustration.  As Alice opened her mouth to reply, Dana pounced.  Alice's response was swallowed by Dana's mouth, who groaned in return.  Alice felt Dana tongue sweep possessively into her mouth.  Feeling her knees buckle, she clung to Dana and kissed her back just as fiercely.  It was only Darcy's uncomfortable throat clearing that separated them. 

Darcy's eyes narrowed, "So you two are together now too?  Gees, is anyone not getting some besides me?" 

Seeing Dana begin to open her mouth, she continued, "Don't answer that!  Let me know the next time you want to play games with bitches.  It's fun." And with that, she swayed out of the courtroom brimming with confidence.

Alice turned to Dana again.  "Ready to go?"

Dana took Alice by the hand, "Absolutely."

As they walked out, Tonya approached them.  Alice tried to keep going but Dana stopped her.  "Let's just get this over with and then we'll be done with her forever."  Alice agreed but stayed close.

Tonya nodded regally to Alice, resembling a bobble head doll with a bad perm, "Dana, I'm sorry our relationship had to end this way, but I hope there are no hard feelings."

As Alice snorted under her breath, Dana grimaced "Sure Tonya.  I hope you do find the love of your life.  Someday."

Tonya smiled showing her even white teeth, "Here's your ring.  And I hope you get everything you deserve too."

At this, something in Alice's head raised a red flag.  Indicating to Dana to go ahead, she went back into the courtroom and marched up to where Tonya was filling out a check for the court's cashier.  "Tonya" she said in a steely voice.  "I know what you did to Mr. Piddles, and if you ever try anything with Dana again, even try to contact her or influence her life in any way, you will go to jail for it."  With that, she turned on her heel and walked out.

Once back in the car, Alice turned to Dana, "Can we just go home now?"

"Of course, Sweetie." Replied Dana, "Yours or mine?"

"Yes" came the answer.


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