It Only Hurts When I’m Breathing


Feedback: Please,

Fandom: The L Word

Pairings: Dana/Lara

Warning: Drug Use, willingly and unwillingly

Disclaimer: Characters and songs don’t belong to me.

A/N: Takes place before Dinah Shores

Alice and Dana were at Milk, waiting for Shane.  Dana had recently seen Lara at a restaurant with a beautiful woman sitting across from her.  When Lara had seen her, her eyes went cold and she turned away.

“Why would Shane want to come here tonight?  And when did Milk turn into a karaoke bar?”  Alice asked, grimacing as the woman on stage tried to hit the high notes in All By Myself, failing miserably.  She looked at Dana.  “Dana, hello?  Earth to Dana.”

“I’m sorry, what Alice?”

Alice sighed and looked at Dana sadly.  “Where’d you see her?”

“The Korean restaurant where we had our first date.  Had a dinner with some Subaru people.”  Alice nodded.  “She was with someone.”

“Aww … sweetie I’m sorry.”  Dana shrugged and looked off in space.  Alice looked at her and got an idea.  She started searching through her bag.  While she was digging to the bottom Shane walked in.

“What she doing?” Shane asked Dana.


“Nevermind.”  Shane’s eyebrows scrunched together as she looked between Alice and Dana.  “Okay you two.  What’s going on?”

“Shane, come here.”  Shane got closer to Alice.  “Do you have anything?” she whispered in Shane’s ear.  Shane quirked an eyebrow at her.  “To cheer Dana up.  She saw the sous chef.”

“Ah, that explains …” Shane gestured towards Dana and Alice nodded.  Shane looked around.  “Yeah I got stuff.  Go get some water and a coke for Dana cause you know she’ll never take it.”  Alice nodded and Shane slipped her two pills. She sat down, grabbing the drink Dana already had, and taking her pill while drinking the rest of it in one gulp.

“Hey!  Shane.”

“Sorry.  Alice went to get you another anyway.  She probably figured I’d drink it as soon as I sat down.”  Dana glared at her but then started playing with the water rings on the table.  Shane looked over at Alice and saw her take her pill as she walked back to the table.  Alice then quickly put the other pill Shane had given her in Dana’s coke and put it in front of her.  “Guys, I want to make a toast.”

Dana looked up and quirked an eyebrow at Shane.  “For what?”

“I just got a hundred dollar tip for doing someone’s hair.  Next round’s on me by the way.  Drink up.”  Alice and Shane watched as Dana sipped her soda.  “Oh come on Danes.  Its not often I offer to buy a round of drinks.  Drown that soda so I can buy you something stronger.”  Dana shook her head but drowned the rest of her soda.  Alice and Shane smiled.

“Shane, I’ll have to take a rain check on that drink.  I need to go home.”  Alice and Shane’s smiles dropped as Dana turned towards the door but she stopped dead in her tracks.  Alice looked around Dana and saw Lara walk into the bar, a tall blonde on her arm.  “You know what Shane?” Dana asked, turning back to the table.  “I’ll take that drink after all.  Get me whatever you want.”  Shane nodded and headed up to the bar.

An hour and three STRONG drinks later, Dana was feelin’ good.  She was swaying to the music and hollering no matter how awful the people on stage were singing.  Everyone was looking at her, including Lara, while Alice and Shane just laughed, they’re buzz not quite as good as Dana’s, having only had a drink a piece.  “I wanna dance.  Shane, dance with me.”  Shane didn’t have time to respond as Dana grabbed her and dragged her onto the dance floor.

“Dana, you’re drunk out of your mind.  Maybe this isn’t such a good idea.”

“What do you mean Shane?  It’s a great idea!”  Dana started dancing around Shane as she stood stiff as a board.  Dana noticed this.  “Come on Shane.  Loosen up!”  She put her hands on Shane’s hips, moved in closer, and swayed to the beat of the music, making Shane sway with her.  Shane looked over at Alice for help but she was busy talking to a blonde woman, the same blonde woman Lara had walked in with.  She looked everywhere for Lara.  “Aren’t you having fun Shane?” Dana asked as she started waving her arms over her head and shaking her hips.  “Shake it like a Polaroid picture,” she sang along with the person on stage.

“That’s great Danes.  Hey, its getting kind of crowded out here.  Why don’t we go sit back down?”  Dana nodded and followed Shane back to the table, bopping her head and moving her arms with the beat of the music.  When they got to the table Dana sat down and dropped her head on the tabletop with a loud thud.  “Thank god.  I thought she’d never wear out.”

Alice chuckled as she watched the blonde woman walk outside.  “Should I tell her the woman Lara came in with was her cousin?”  Shane shook her head and as pushed Dana’s hair back.  “I’m surprised she last as long as she did.” 

Suddenly Dana sat up, scaring the hell out of Alice and Shane, and announced, “I wanna sing.”  Alice and Shane didn’t have time to let her words sink in as she stood up and ran over to the DJ.  They watched as she sifted through the song book.

“She’s gonna sing?  What the hell is she going to sing?”  Shane shrugged as Dana pointed to a song in the book.  “What’s the DJ saying to her?”

“I don’t know … I’m guessing it was she could go up right now since she’s walking up on stage.”  Alice and Shane watched as she had a girl in the audience give her a barstool.  “Oh god, what is she going to sing?”

“I don’t know but it can’t be good and Lara’s still here.”  Shane looked at Alice, her eyes wide with shock.  Alice nodded.  “Uh huh and you know the song is gonna have to do with her.”

“Poor Dana.”  Alice nodded and the two of them turned as the first notes started.


Hope life's been good to you
since you've been gone
I'm doin' fine now - I've finally moved on
It's not so bad - I'm not that sad

I'm not suprised just how well I've survived
I'm over the worst, and I feel so alive
I can't complain - I'm free again

And it only hurts when I'm breathing
My heart only breaks when it's beating
My dreams only die when I'm dreaming
So, I hold my breath - to forget

Alice and Shane looked at each other.

Don't think I'm lyin' 'round cryin' at night
There's no need to worry, I'm really all right
I've never looked back - as a matter of fact

And it only hurts when I'm breathing
My heart only breaks when it's beating
My dreams only die when I'm dreaming
So, I hold my breath - to forget

It only hurts when I breathe

“Wow, she actually sounds good considering she’s drunk and strung out.”  Shane nodded, never taking her eyes off of Dana.

Mmm, no, I've never looked back -
as a matter of fact

And it only hurts when I'm breathing
My heart only breaks when it's beating
My dreams only die when I'm dreaming
So, I hold my breath - to forget

Hurts when I'm breathing
Breaks when it's beating
Die when I'm dreaming
It only hurts when I breathe



Dana woke up and looked around.  She didn’t recognize her surroundings.  “Damn, what did Shane and Alice put in my drinks?”  She suddenly realized there was an arm wrapped around her waist.  “Oh god.”  She covered her eyes and she felt the other person move.

“Dana, are you alright?  Do you feel like you’re going to throw up?”  Dana’s eyes went wide as she realized who was speaking.  She turned around.

“Lara?”  Lara smiled and nodded.  “What am I doing here?” she asked as she figured out she was in Lara’s bedroom.

“While, after the show you put on last night you and I got to talking.  I was driving you home and you passed out.  I had no idea where you’re keys were so I brought you here.”

“Alice has my keys.”

Lara smirked.  “Of course she does.”

“She took them when I started drinking.”  Lara nodded.  “What happened to that woman you came in with?”

“You mean Lindsay?  She went home to her wife and kids.”  Dana quirked an eyebrow.  “She’s my cousin.”  Dana closed her eyes and blushed.  “And yes, that was the same woman I was with at the restaurant.”  Dana nodded and slowly got up.  “Where are you going?”

“Home.  Thanks for everything you did last night … I don’t remember any of it but I’m sure you were really nice.”

“You owe me a pair of shoes.”  Dana stopped and turned around, a quizzical expression on her face.  “You were drunk last night Dana.”  Dana blushed and looked down at the floor, mortified.  “Come on back to bed, cause as soon as you walk into the living room you’re head’s gonna burst from the sunlight.”  Dana looked up again.  “You seriously don’t remember anything from last night?”

“No, I think either Alice or Shane drugged one of my drinks last night hoping the effects would cheer me up.”

“Well, it was obvious it worked until the end.”  Dana chuckled as little flashbacks came back.  “I mean, you looked like you were having fun dancing with Shane.”

“Oh god.”  Dana fell back onto the bed.

“Come ‘ere.”  Dana crawled up to the head of the bed and let Lara encircle her with her arms.  “Dana Fairbanks, I’m very proud of you.”  Dana looked up.  “I saw your ad.”  She nodded.  “And Alice told me you came out to your parents.  I’m sorry about how they reacted.”  Dana’s eyes started tearing up.  Lara wiped away the tears.  “Dana, I love you.”

Dana smiled.  “I love you too Lara and I’m sorry I screwed up so badly.” 

Lara shook her head.  “Its all in the past.”  She kissed Dana and they spent the rest of the day in bed, making up for lost time.

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