Title: The L Word
Written by: Nif
Disclaimer: Must we go over this? No, I don't own the (discontinued) television show Popular nor the actresses. I'd pay good money for Carly though bwahaha...
Oh and I don't own Placebo. They're a good group. Not my favourite but I definately like them.
Warnings: Femslash. An itty bitty ittle of inappropriate language too. I admit, I have a bit of potty mouth. Rating is PG 13?
Feedback: It's much wanted. No feedback, no writing! What? No one cares? *breaks out in tears* Oh woe is me...
Author's Note: First Popular fic peeps. If you're lookin' for a great piece of literature then you've come to the... well... wrong place. Amateur and crappy writing ahead.
Another A/N: Insightful criticism is muchly appreciated. I am very critical of things I do. I'm never satisfied with anything I've done and I'm left feeling disgusted with myself. So if you have any tips or things that I can improve on, I'd be much obliged if you could point it out to me. Thankies and sorry for wasting you're time.
I stand in front of her bedroom door in deep thought. I've been standing out here for the last 10 minutes. I've got to make an important decision. To commit or to run. We've been together for a couple of months now but I don't really know how I feel about her. So far it's been more about fun and sexual pleasure than a real relationship. I wouldn't even call it dating. Sure it's been a blast and I've seen a whole new side of her, but like I said, it's only been a couple of months. My brain almost exploded when she declared her feelings for me. My mind just froze. I knew she cared for me more than I cared for her but I never knew that much. I never expected the "L" word. Oh no, not that word.
We were watching a movie curled up on her bed. I was holding her in my arms and she had her head on my shoulder. I was a little confused when she asked me if we could do something different tonight (you know... other than screwing), but I consented. The movie we were watching was on tv so when the next commercial came up I told her I had to use the washroom. Just as I was getting up she grabs me and yanks me back down. Then she kisses me deeply, leaving me breathless and says, 'I "L" you Sam.' Sorry. I can't even think about the word. For God's sake, I'm only 17. I'm not ready for this shit.
God, I'm such a bastard. After she confesses her feelings, I just leave. She probably thought I went to the bathroom like I said and was going to come back. No, I just left. That was Friday night. Today is Sunday morning. And I still don't know what I'm going to do. I'm really torn here. I mean, I shouldn't care this much. Just choose a road and travel it. I mean, it's just her. She's a tough kid. Argh... I'm lying to myself and not very well at that. I know it'll kill her if I drop her now.
It's crazy. It makes no sense. We've never had a good relationship and that's the biggest understatement of the year. Damnit, what happened to mortal enemies? When did things change so much? How can she spring this on me? Hell, I was thorougly shocked when she she admitted that she was attracted to me that memorable day in the Novak. We were in the midst of another heated argument and trading sharp verbal repartee when she just blurted it out.
"I'm sorry, I can't hear you over all that whining. Just face it. You want to be me. Something you'll never be able to achieve," she sneers.
"Oh good one. That was quite original. I'm beginning to memorize you're comebacks. But seriously, tell me, who shoved that fat head up your ass? Who was the cause of creating such cold-hearted bitch?" I mock her.
"Shove it. You aren't one to talk. Why don't you can bite my clit and like it," she growls angrily at me. I think I hit a nerve.
"Oh yeah, bet you'd like that wouldn't you?" I laugh at her daringly.
"Actually I would," she leers at me.
"Huh??" I'm dumbfounded and discombobluated.
She grabs me. Insert kissage.
(A/N: Sorry... I'm not sharp, I'm not verbal... I can't do a decent imitation of them. I'm writing from what I think it would sound like 'cause I have only seen like 2 eps an that was years ago. Sorry, I'll stop babbling excuses for my poor writing... btw I love reading the arguments written by other author's. Very amusing.)
Okay, so it wasn't exactly a romantic admission of yearning and passion, but I never said it was. Now do you see the dilemma? It was never about falling in "L". It was just... Hell, I don't know what it was any more. If I were a man then I could say I was thinking with my dick... but I'm not. So... yeah. It must have been different to her. And now I'm in a big ol' rut.
I don't know how to get myself out of this predicament. I wish she never said that blasted word! I was perfectly happy with the way things were going. Now I know how guys feel when chicks get all attached! It's not fair. Why ruin things with words of endearment? Why can't we just leave things as they are and not label them? As I said before, I don't know what to do. Do I be a women, be caring, and stay with her? Or do I be guy, break it off so things don't get too complicated, and break her heart in the process?
I knock on her door nervously. I'm still unsure of my decision, but once I get in there maybe I'll be able decide. After a minute without any response I knock again, louder.
Again no response. I put my ear to the door and hear music playing. I reconize the song, it's Special K by Placebo. The song ends and Teenage Angst starts to pleasure my ears. Oh hell. She must be pretty down.
"Shine the headlight,
straight into my eyes.
Like the roadkill, I'm paralysed.
You see through my disguise.
At the drive-in, double feature,
pull the lever, break the fever
and say your last goodbyes.
Since I was born I started to decay.
Now nothing ever ever goes my way
One fluid gesture, like stepping back in time.
Trapped in amber, petrified.
And still not satisfied.
Airs and social graces, elocution so divine.
I'll stick to my needle, and my favourite waste of time,
both spineless and sublime.
Since I was born I started to decay.
Now nothing ever - ever goes my way."
I open her door and enter her room. Her back's facing me so I can't see her face. She's sitting with her knees bent upwards and her arms wrapped around her legs. She looks so fragile as she sits there shuddering slightly. Holy shit, I think she's crying! This can't be... I never thought I'd see the day. My heart wrenches. I walk up to the bed and sit in front of her. She really is crying. She's trembling and silent tears are falling from her bloodshot eyes, streaking down her tear-staind face. It feels like someone is stabbing me repeatedly in the chest. I've never felt a pain like this before. I desperately wish she'd stop crying. I'd do anything to make her stop.
I want to see her smile. Her real smile. When she's actually, truly happy she has the amazing glow. This brilliant aura. It's heart-stoppingly precious. It'll always be etched in my mind forever but right now I'd give my right arm to see it. Since we've been together, it's practically always on her cute ittle face (no typo. ittle beats little any day. ya i'm a freak.). It's hard to believe that yeah, Spam, can bring that out in her. It fills me with a deep sense of pride. I can't believe how different she is when it's just us together. Another reason why I despise popularity so much. It mutates people.
Then it hits me like a tsunami tidal wave. For fuck's sake... I'm already falling for her. I might have even fallen already! After all that time wasted contimplating what to do, the answer has been with me the whole time. I'm such a blooming idiot! This is so cliché...
I try gathering her in my arms but she she pushes me away. I try more forcefully this time, but she still squirms out of my embrace. I glare at her in fustration.
"Damnit... Stop it!" I run my hand through my bangs apprehensively.
"Get out. Now," she whimpers pitifully.
"I can't do that. I beg you, look at me. Let me apologize," I plead with her while once again getting rejected when I try to wrap my arms around her.
"You've hurt me enough. I'm broken, you've won okay? Just leave..."
"I love you," I confess suddenly and kiss her gently before she has a chance to react or respond.
She tries feebly to stop me but gives up trying to fend me off almost immediately and I finally pull her towards me. We break away in need for air and she lays her head on my shoulder. I smile happily. The tears have ceased and the sniffles have stopped.
"Time for mind-blowing make-up sex now?" I ask hopefully.
Nic grins shakily and rolls her eyes at me, "Fuck fiend."
Proceed with kissage.
A/N: There are a lot of hints throughout the fic but I think the main one was in the flashback. The cold-hearted bitch thing was kind of a tip off to who Sam's mystery lover was. Did you catch it? And now don't get me wrong, I love Brooke/Sam, but I also like Nicole/Sam and there's not that much compared to the former. Oh and the hitting Brooke with a car thing didn't happen, duh. Hah, I can't believe I just wrote a Popfic.
Oh and before you guys start flaming me about how sexist and prejudice I am, the male kind of 'insults' were all for purposes of the fic. I don't really feel that way or anything. Guys are cool. And remember - I don't discriminate. I hate everyone. LoL. Damnit I gotta learn how to NOT ramble...