Disclaimer: Brooke and Sam are not mine. Neither is Mike nor Jane.
Summary: A brief glimpse at Sam's thoughts during a funeral.
Author's Notes: A sort of a short prequel to `Going Through the Motions'. In a way, this is my sister's story. Her feelings during the burial of our mother, the way she recounted them to me. I took them, added some slash, and threw into the `Popular' world. Cause that's the kind of disturbed girl I am. Also, this is written in a dazed and confused state of mind (a week from the death, and only a day from the funeral), so the quality is what it is.
To Jenny: Thank God I still have you.
All things come to an end.
Two girls. One blonde, one brunette. Both dressed in black. They stand in the front line, next to an open grave, next to an open grave.
The brunette blinks her eyes, in an attempt to release a few tears. They don't come. It feels like she should be crying, feels wrong not to cry. When her mother, and her stepfather lie there dead at her feet. Beside her, she can hear Brooke sob. She can sense the trembles that are tormenting her stepsister.
It's the first time Brooke cries since the accident. That Sam knows of. Actually she was getting a little nervous about Brooke's behavior. Shutting out the world like that is so unlike the blonde, but Sam hopes this funeral will change things for the better. Brooke's well being has become so important to her. She is her family now. Her only family. Even if things will never go as far between them, as Sam would hope, she will still make damn sure Brooke is going to be okay. She owes it to her mother. And Mike. And she owes it to Brooke. Cause they are family.
The minister is finishing up his sermon. Or prayer. Or whatever it's called. Sam missed the whole thing, her ears were so fully tuned in on the sobs beside her. She can't get her mind of Brooke, and that feels wrong too. It's her mother's funeral, she should be saying her good byes to the woman who raised her. And loved her.
Forcefully the brunette clears her mind. She takes a deep breath, and tries to concentrate on the event at hand, "Ashes to ashes...", the man in the robe says, throwing dirt in one of the graves. The loud pattering that fills the air, when the dirt hits the coffin, sends a shiver down Sam's spine.
She tries to form an image of her mother in her mind. She tries to remember her mother's smile, the way her laughter sounded. The way her touch felt. It should be easy still, the memories aren't that old. But it still takes up all of Sam's energy, just to picture her mother's face. Clenching her eyes shut, Sam holds onto her mother for as long as she can. But it's like the woman doesn't want to be there. It's like there is this huge power drawing her away from Sam. Or maybe she's pushing her away herself. Unconsciously, cause she can't handle the pain.
"Dust to dust", the minister goes on, and the same sound follows his voice again.
The sound reminds Sam of rain drops falling on the roof of a car. Only it's gone so fast, way too soon. Just like the picture of her mother in her head. Sam opens her eyes to set free the few tears that have finally formed in them. And the woman escapes along with the tears. Sam can't muster the strength to hold onto her anymore. Maybe later, when she's had time to rest, she can find her mother again.
To her left, the quiet sobs have ceased. Brooke is silent, and Sam wants to know why. She takes a glance at the girl, but it reveals nothing out of the ordinary. Only the blonde's slender form, with her head bowed down, and hands crossed in front of her. The blonde hair hanging on the girl's face prevents Sam from seeing Brooke's expression. Her eyes, her mouth. Her tears.
Suddenly Brooke lets out a silent whimper, and staggers on her feet. Sam tenses her body, ready to grab the girl if she should happen to fall. No need though, as Brooke catches her balance, with a small sidestep. The blonde's hands part ways, and come to hang on her sides.
Sam turns to look ahead, across the open graves, and all that opens up is an endless cemetery. There are so many people buried there. What's two more gona do? Nothing, life will still go on the same. Nothing has changed in the world. Everything has changed for the two girls.
She extends her left hand, lets it brush against Brooke's cold fingers, which hesitate a second, but then eagerly take hold of the offered support. Sam crosses her own fingers with Brooke's and squeezes the hand lightly.
"I love you", Sam whispers so quietly that she doesn't even hear it herself. Most likely, she didn't even whisper it. Only thought of it. It doesn't matter.
The two girls are now standing together. Holding hands together. Carrying the burden together. At least for a little while. And then later on, who knows what'll happen?
To all things there comes a beginning.
< end >
Thanks for reading. Hope you got something out of it,Megan