Title: I Didn't Mean It, Honest...

Author: Majandra

Email: flavorlesschocolate@hotmail.com

Pairing: S/B, S/?, S/B

Disclaimer: If we owned them, we wouldn't be posting here. We'd be taking turns making Brooke and Sam make out on TV.

Rating: PG-13 for now, I think... I don't know ratings.

Summary: Something new. The long road back to each other, as opposed to the long road to get together in the first place.

Authors Notes: Like I said, predictible choice of comfort but hey, you go with the characters. You may not like it, but it has to happen if you want them back together again... Please don't send rotten tomatoes. He'll get his. I vow to you.

PROLOGUE

They had been together for about six months, and although they hadn't slept together yet, they were getting close. Making out was becoming more and more intense, and as they lay on Sam's bed making out, Sam's hands started to wander. The rain began to fall steadily, hitting the window and making a soothing sound. To Sam, it was relaxing because she knew she was inside with the woman she loved and all was right with the world.

"I think today may be the day," Brooke murmured against Sam's lips. Sam smiled, this was what she had been waiting for.

"You really want to... go all the way today?" she asked, cautiously.

"Well, I wasn't really talking about that," Brooke admitted, sitting up. "I was thinking more along the lines of telling our parents."

Sam shot upright. "No," she whispered. "No, we can't. Not yet."

"Why not?" Brooke asked indignantly. "It's been six months, Sammy. We've been lucky so far, but our luck will run out. We have to tell them before they find out for themselves."

"I never once pressured you about having sex," Sam accused. "Why can't you leave this alone? I keep telling you, I'm not ready to let the world know about us."

"Well, I want to shout it from the rooftops," Brooke whispered. "I want everyone to see how beautiful my girlfriend is, and how happy I am with her. What's the matter, Sammy? Are you ashamed of me, or something?"

Sam ran a hand through her hair, pushing it away from her face. "God, no," she assured the blonde. "I love you."

"Then what? Don't you want me anymore?"

"I want you so much it's like a physical pain," Sam spat. "I want you so bad it eats away at me during the day and I can't sleep at night. Of course I want you. Why can't you understand I'm just not ready? I'm not ready to face the narrow minded, bigoted people who won't understand that what we have is golden, and beautiful. I'm not ready for the people who are going to try to tell me that what we're doing is wrong. I just want..."

"What do you want?"

"You." Sam stated the obvious simply, and leaned in for another kiss. Brooke moved back.

"Well, I don't know if I can handle this," she said, uncertainly.

"What are you saying?" Sam asked her, worried.

"I think I'm saying I need to take a step back. From us. I think we should see other people."

Thunder crashed outside the window and both girls jumped. Tears ran down Brooke's face as she realized the seriousness of what she had said. Sam sat perfectly still on her bed, dumbstruck. Brooke began to back out the door that went to the bathroom, and ultimately her bedroom. The sound of the connecting door shutting with a quiet click broke Sam out of her trance and she burst into noisy tears. She jumped up from her bed and ran down the stairs, out of the front door without even bothering with a jacket. She ran to the only source of comfort she could think of. She ran to the one person who would have been there for her, pre Brooke.

Chapter One

The thunder rolled as she stood in the rain, absolutely soaked. Pressing the doorbell, she stopped and waited, her tears mingling with the rain on her face until she could no longer tell which was which. The door opened.

You don't stay best friends with a person for as long as Sam and Harrison were friends without being able to read their various expressions. Harrison took one look at Sam and knew she was near her breaking point. She stood there in the rain, not even asking to come in. Harrison knew she'd been crying, and he didn't know why. All he knew was what he had to do. He held out his arms and Sam rushed into them.

The second Harrison's arms closed around her the floodgates really broke and Sam sobbed. She cried so hard her whole body shook with the force of her anguish, and as Harrison reached behind her to close the front door, she clung to him tightly, afraid to let go. Gradually he walked her up to his room where he sat on the bed with his back against the headboard, and Sam collapsed into his lap. She cried.

"Sammy? Sammy baby, are you okay?" A stupid question to ask, given that Sam very rarely cried. Right now, she was crying too hard to even answer. He started idly stroking her back, worried about what could have caused her to break down like this. After about half an hour, the sobs subsided and Harrison reached down to Sam's face.

"Are you ready to tell me about it now?" There was no answer because Sam had fallen asleep on his lap. Sighing, he reached for the book beside his bed and began reading.

Sam awoke with a jump. For a second, she thought it had all been a bad dream. She looked around her, expecting to see Brooke beside her. All she saw was Harrison, looking down at her with a concerned look on his face. Realizing it was all true, she started crying again. Harrison went through his routine again. Sam was still awake when her sobs subsided.

"Want to tell me about it now?" he asked, gently. Sam looked at him and shook her head, reaching out her arms for a hug which Harrison readily gave. Then she spoke for the first time since she arrived.

"Can you, uh, call my mom and tell her I'm staying here for the night?" she asked him.

"Sure thing. But we're gonna talk when I get back," Harrison warned her.

Ten minutes later he was back and still getting no answer from her. "Please, Sammy. I can't fix this if I don't know what happened."

Sam sighed. "Even if you did know, you couldn't fix it, Harrison. I appreciate the offer, but I'd rather not talk about it. I just need to be held tonight, that's all."

Harrison took this at face value, choosing to accept that he was needed. He pulled out an oversized t-shirt for Sam to sleep in, stripped down to his boxers and climbed into bed. Sam followed him, moving in close and placing her head on his chest. He wrapped his arms around her and watched her fall into a troubled sleep.

Three days passed, and still Sam stayed with Harrison. He'd gone the Palace and picked up some clothes for her with a little help from her mom. Sam just couldn't face seeing Brooke so soon. Jane had been a little concerned but seeing as it was Harrison, she knew Sam would be safe.

At school Sam stayed close by Harrison. She ate lunch with him, sat with him in classes and walked around with him, but she rarely smiled and every time she saw anyone who was even remotely blonde she flinched into his side. He still had no idea what had happened, but he was starting to form some rough ideas. All this changed on the evening of the third day.

They had fallen into somewhat of a routine. They would come home from school and grab a snack, then head up to Harrison's room and do their homework. Sam was fine during much of the day, but when it came time to go to sleep, she cried herself to sleep. The evening of the third day was no exception. As soon as the light was turned out Sam began to sob. Harrison, breaking from the routine of just holding her until she fell asleep, sat her up in his arms and gently rocked her from side to side. Sobs turned to sniffles as Sam looked up in surprise.

"Harrison, I-"

"You don't have to tell me anything, Sam. I'm just happy to be here for you."

"How... there for me are you willing to be?" Sam asked him, deadly serious.

"Whatever you need, Sammy. I'll do anything you need."

Sam leaned in and crushed their lips together, kissing Harrison with all the hurt and passion she knew she should be directing at Brooke. Her eyes were open, watching Harrison's reaction to her. He stiffened at the contact, but soon relaxed into the kiss. Sam took this as a good sign and deepened the kiss. She licked Harrison's lower lip and, when his lips parted, her tongue plunged deep into his mouth. She closed her eyes, but they snapped open again when she realized she was picturing Brooke. She forced herself to think of Harrison, of the sensations she was feeling because of Harrison, but inside a voice was screaming "This should be Brooke!!! Only Brooke!!!" She knew she had to make it real for Harrison, though. So she kissed him with everything she had.

They broke apart, breathing heavily. Harrison spoke first.

"Sam, I... wow... I mean, that was..."

But Sam merely lay her head on his chest and cried.

***~~~***

Brooke wasn't taking the break up very well.

First, she and Sam were no longer together. Fine. She could have dealt with that part, if Sam had been around for her to talk it over with. She wasn't. She'd run off to Harrison's house, proving once and for all who was number one in Sammy's heart.

Second, the fact that Sam was with Harrison at all was really irking Brooke. There was just something about the whole situation that was making her feel uneasy.

But to top it all off, the thing that really outweighed the other things was the constant ache inside her. She missed Sam with all her heart, and she knew she needed some sort of comfort, someone to help her through her tough times. Deciding to take a leaf from Sam's book she turned to Nicole. Mistake.

No matter what she did, she could never keep the full story from Nicole when Nicole decided she wanted to hear it. The whole sordid thing spilled out, and Brooke ended up crying all over Nicole. Nicole, uncharacteristically, was nice. Too nice.

"Brookie, it's not the end of the world," she soothed. Brooke was no longer crying, but was still close to tears.

"Yes, Nicole, I think it is. I love her, and she's not with me. I don't know what I'm going to do... I feel so empty..."

Seeing she was about to start crying again, Nicole moved quickly. "Come here," she ordered gently. As Brooke laid her head on Nicole's shoulder, Nicole rubbed small circles on her back. "It's going to be okay, I promise you."

"I'm ten times an idiot for even suggesting we should see other people," Brooke moaned. "I didn't mean it, honest!"

"I know you didn't, baby," Nicole crooned, not really listening. The most beautiful girl in school was in her arms, and all she wanted was to kiss her. Unfortunately, now was not the time.

"I just want her back," Brooke sniffled.

"I know you do, honey."

"I'm going to get her back."

"Of course you... What?" But Nicole was screeching at thin air. Brooke was gone.

Chapter Two

Each night that passed brought further recovery. Every night Sam cried a little less. She kissed Harrison a little more, though. Harrison noticed the more she kissed him, the less she cried, so he didn't question her. After about ten days Sam grew bolder and encouraged him to let his hands wander. He did so, wonder how far she was going to let him go.

Harrison got to second base before she kissed him one last time and shut off the light.

"Good night, Harrison," she murmured.

"Night Sammy."

Sam didn't cry a single tear that night, and in the morning she decided it was time to go home.

***~~~***

Jane didn't question Sam either. She just let it go, knowing that there had to be a good reason for Sam to freak out like that. Sam moved her things back into her room and locked the door leading to the bathroom.

Although she was home, she spent a lot of time on the phone to Harrison. She didn't do much of the talking, just listened to Harrison babbling on about whatever he felt like. It soothed her, made her feel like there was a constant in the crazy place her world had become. So it surprised him when she spoke up one day.

"Harrison? Do you want to come over for dinner?"

Harrison accepted.

Sam had not eaten a meal with the family since she had come home. She still couldn't face the thought of seeing Brooke over the mashed potatoes. Having Harrison there was her way of easing back into it, trying to get back to normal. She had caught glimpses of the blonde, moving from shower to bed or bed to dining room, and it always made her want to cry again. But she was past that stage, she was past the grief. Now came the anger.

"I'll show you, Brooke McQueen," she muttered angrily. "I don't need you and your indecisiveness. I can make it without you, thank you very much."

So saying, she walked downstairs and sat down next to Harrison, and grasped his hand underneath the table. She was going to make Brooke pay.

The meal was quiet, to say the least. Jane and Mike tried to make conversation, but it soon became clear that no one was listening. Brooke was staring at Sam, and shooting murderous glances at Harrison. Sam was shooting murderous glances at Brooke and looking lovingly at Harrison. Harrison was making goo goo eyes at Sam, oblivious to Brooke. The adults sighed and left the table.

"Well, I'm done," Sam said finally.

"Me too," Harrison hurried to add.

"Do you want to come upstairs?" Sam asked him sweetly. She shot a glance at Brooke, and could see her ploy was working. Sam had never seen the blonde so green with jealousy, or so upset. <Tough,> she thought. <She should have thought of that before she dumped me.>As she led Harrison up the stairs to her room, though, she couldn't help but feel a little bad. Two weeks earlier, it would have been Brooke she was leading up the stairs, not Harrison. Even though it felt so wrong, this had to be done.

She closed the door behind them and unbuttoned her shirt. "Harrison, I need you."

Brooke, from her room, heard muffled noises and sighed. Thanking her lucky stars there was a bathroom between their rooms and not just a paper thin wall, she tried not to picture Sam and Harrison making out, which was undoubtedly what they were doing.

Harrison left the next morning with a glazed look of contentment on his face. It didn't take a genius to know that Sam had obviously let him go further than second base. Brooke shot her a dirty look as they passed each other on the stairs. How could she?

<Brooke,> Sam thought in anguish. <I didn't mean it, honest!>

Chapter Three

Brooke went back to Nicole, who of course was more than happy to help her relieve some of the tension she'd been feeling since the break up. Even though in her way she'd gotten her revenge on Sam for Harrison, Brooke still felt empty and she knew why. She didn't want this, any of this. She wanted Sam. And even though she'd said she'd do something about it, she still hadn't. Now was the time.

Arriving home, she looked for Sam to try to sort things out. Before she found Sam, she found Jane.

"Have you seen Sammy?" she asked. Jane nodded.

"She took Harrison up to her room about an hour back, why?"

Jane couldn't understand why Brooke looked about ready to burst into tears, or vomit, or possibly both, when she mentioned Harrison. Brooke choked back her tears and tried to appear okay.

"Just wanted to tell her something, it can wait."

She climbed the stairs to her room and lay on the bed and cried.

***~~~***

Sam lay next to a completely naked Harrison and wanted to be sick.

It wasn't that she didn't love Harrison. She did love him, with all her heart, but as a friend. And never like this. She should have never used him to get back at Brooke. He didn't deserve that. And even though she'd tried to drown herself in Harrison, to help her get over Brooke, it wasn't working. She hadn't been able to sleep with him, because she knew that Brooke was it for her.

"Harry? I need to tell you something."

As quickly as she could she explained the whole thing to him, and they were both crying by the end. Before long he left, but he assured her he wasn't angry with her. Just sad for her. Sam wiped her face and headed in for a long shower.

Brooke woke to the sound of the shower. Sam was probably entertaining Harrison in there, she thought bitterly. She remembered all the fun she and Sam had had in the shower together, and was about to cry again when the door opened and Sam walked in, wrapped only in a towel.

"Brooke," she began.

"Sam," Brooke whispered, tears falling down her face. "Shouldn't you go and have some more sex with Harrison? I bet he's gagging for it."

Sam started to cry as well. "I couldn't do it," she sobbed. "I couldn't go through with it, because the whole time all I could think of was you. It was you I wanted, all the time, and I know that now."

"I was so angry, I couldn't believe you had gone from me to him in less than a week! You really didn't sleep with him?"

"I told you, I couldn't," Sam cried. "All I want is you."

"I want you too, so bad..."

"Well, you dumped me, remember? None of this was my idea!"

"I know!" Brooke yelled, the tears coming harder. " I know what I did, and I regret it, okay? I want you back, and I know you probably won't come back to me."

"What makes you think that?" Sam asked quietly, her tears slowing.

"Because I don't deserve you," Brooke whispered, looking at the floor. She didn't see Sam storm across the room until she was standing right in front of her.

"Don't ever give me that crap again," she warned. "You don't deserve me? What a bunch of shit. Kiss me, then tell me I don't want you."

Brooke looked up, her eyes shining with defiance, but she did as Sam said and let their lips meet. Immediately they wrapped their arms around one another, their tongues clashing, lips meeting again and again, until they ran out of breath and had to pull back.

"So tell me I don't want you. Come on, you know so much about what I'm feeling. Tell me I don't want you after that kiss."

"You know what? I'm sick of this conversation. Screw telling you that you don't want me. I want you, and that's enough." Brooke stepped in very close, and unwrapped the towel that covered the brunette's naked body.

"Brooke, what are you..."

"You heard me. I *want* you."

"What, now?"

"Right here, right now. I'm ready for it."

Sam didn't need to be told again. She kissed Brooke again, then started to undress her. She was at a disadvantage considering she was already naked, so she quickly made sure Brooke was the same way.

"God, you're perfect," she breathed.

"You're pretty fabulous yourself," Brooke said in awe. "So does this mean you'll take me back?"

Sam smiled. "Shut up and make love to me."

-fin-