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A Mad-Hamlet Production

On Occasions; In the Mansion

    "Okay. So tell me exactly what I'm doing here?" I cross my arms and glare at the person who practically dragged me all across Sunnydale. He's tall, easy on the eyes, and very very talented at looking haunted and repentant. That's because he spends every waking hour being haunted and repentant but he also does it very well. He's also dark, mysterious and capable of being gentle and incredibly cruel.

    Angel lives up to his name well.

    "We need to talk." He says in that breathless tone of his. It's flat and calm, his tone, but if you know what to listen for it ..almost is tangible. Like warm velvet, thick, strong and soft. But opaque.

    I shrug. "About what?"

    He looks away from me and stalks past the large fireplace where, like always, a fire is burning. The orange glow highlights his features in a way that used to make my heart skip. Underlighting those fierce dark eyes, those lips, always slightly frowning. Yes, these moments used to make my blood run hot but now... well. Now they don't.

    Maybe I've matured a bit. Maybe I'm no longer intrested in love and danger but just solid love. No risk. I think about the one I love now. Her red hair and green eyes. Okay..there's a bit of risk there; I'm a risk junkie. Then again, you have to be in this line of work.

    "It's different this time." He says slowly. "You can taste it in the air."

    I shrug again. "I know."

    He puts his hand on my shoulder. "This is about as bad as it's ever gotten Buffy. The sisterhood is strong, ruthless and numerous. They are going to open the Hellmouth. It's not an 'If' situation; it's a 'When'. And we know when don't we?"

    His eyes bore into mine.

    I can't meet that gaze and look around the room instead, trying to be nonchalant. I hope he's not asking..what I'm afraid he's asking.

    "Tonight." I say quietly.

    He nods. "Yeah, tonight."

    "It could end." He continues putting his hands in his ever present black jacket. "Not just you, or me. Or our friends and family. Everything. All of it..gone."

    "If we fail." I finish.

    "If we fail." He echoes.

    "And ..you called me here, all the way from the library to tell me this?" I question. I'm getting kinda nervous here. I really, really, hope he's not asking what I'm afraid he's asking. We..we're not like that anymore. I thought he knew this.

    "No." He shakes his head. Again he turns away from me and walks next to the fireplace. He leans against it with one hand, looking into the crackling flames as if there were answers inside. Maybe there are. Maybe if we do fail all we'll have is fire. And blood..and death.

    "No." He repeats. "I wanted you to come here to tell you something."

    "That would be what." I widen my stance slightly, cock my head to the side so I look more..challenging. Dangerous. He's seen it before but he doesn't see it now, he's still looking into the fire. I didn't do it for him anyway. I did it for me. Probably something psychological to do with confidence, either way. I did it.

    He turns his face to look at me. "To tell you that, at moments like this, it's important, very important to be with the one you love. When endings are upon you and the only thing standing in the way is a fight. A fight, that in all honesty, probably be lost..it's very important to remind yourself what you're fighting for."

    He shrugs a little. "Stuff like that..it can tip the odds." Again he looks away. "Being with the one you love."

    I knew it. I knew it, I knew it, I knew it. You think I'd learn. You think I'd have learned about keeping secrets by now. First with the running away garbage. Then when Angel returned. Keeping those things inside just made everything worse in the long run. It's not like I havn't experienced it from the other side. Willow's whole insecurity issues, Xander, Oz, me... It hurt a lot when it came out. If she had told me..told someone. Maybe it wouldn't have quite so much.

    But did I learn? Nooooooo..I just HAVE to keep my secrets. Like the big one. Like how I don' t love Angel anymore. How I love Willow. How I, Buffy Summers, a girl, love Willow Rosenberg, also known as 'A Girl'. See? There's that whole 'risk' thing with my love affairs. I never thought keeping secrets would be the end of the world. Now... now I think I know better.

    Too little, too late.

    So now I have to tell him the truth. And he'll be hurt and they'll be tears and recriminations and pain. Who knows, maybe he'll just leave. And without him to help us...maybe those Jhe bitches will win, the Hellmouth will remain open and ..the World will die.

    But I owe him that much. Cause I can't fake it..I can't fake what he's asking for and even if I could, I wouldn't. He deserves better.

    I swallow a few times. "Angel...I.."

    "C'mere Buffy." I glance up at him.

    Somehow he moved across the room to the heavy drapes along the far wall. I know what's past them. His 'bedroom'. There's a four poster bed in there. Heavy oak frame, large mahagony colored curtains handing from the top. They can be pulled down to isolate the bed from the rest of the world.

    Oh God.

    Oh God.

    Or..as Giles would say. 'Oh Dear.'

    "Angel.." I try again. "There's something.."

    "Just come over here." He says again. He's..smiling? You have to know what to look for to see Angel's smile. They are not very big or often. But they're unmistakeable. "If you trust me Buffy, if you ever did trust me..please..come here."

    What the hell. The world is going to end soon enough..probably. Whatever is back there can't make things any worse.

    I stalk across the room and the 'click clack' of my heels seems to echo through the vaulted chamber. I stand on the other side of the arch from which the draps hang, directly across from him so I'm where he wants me to be, yet still as far away as possible.

    He reaches out with one hand and strokes the material with his fingers. "It's soft." He murmers and then look at me.

    Aaannnddd..here we go. "Angel look, there's something I really...."

    He pulls aside the drapes and I can see into the bedroom.

     Four poster bed? Check.

    Large picture windows painted over in black? Check.

    Fire in THAT fireplace? Check.

    Small redheaded girl curled up on the bed looking as if she cried herself to sleep? Chec..whoa. Hold up. That's new.

    I look at Angel.
    I look at Willow.
    I look back at Angel.

    He's smiling still. A small, quiet, kinda sad smile. He's watching me switch back and forth from him to Willow. He nods slowly.

    "Yeah." He whispers more to himself, even though he's looking right at me. "It's definetly a good idea to remind yourself of what you're fighting for."

    If  I ever find myself in a 'gape like a fish' competition I'll win hands down. I can feel my lips moving but no sound is coming out of my mouth. I don't even think I'm really here anymore. All of sudden my whole concept of 'being' is called into question. I can't feel my hands, my feet, nothing except this warring, whirling rush of horror, embarresment and not a little bit of grief.

    Then my eyes begin to sting and I'm sure I'm here; that I'm here and this is real and I'm probably going to start crying.

    Which sucks.

    I hate crying.

    "Angel." I croak out weakly. "I'm..I..."

    He brushes his knuckles against my cheek. "Don't be sorry." He says. "Don't you dare be sorry for finding something wonderful, beautiful, and incredibly rare." He lets his hand drop to his side. "Besides." He shrugs. "There's the added bonus of her being curse free."

    Now I'm really lost. See, Angel doesn't really make jokes. Yet he just did. So...I'm wondering if somehow I got sucked into the Twilight Zone.

    "You knew?" I finally can speak. Squeak more like but..hey..I'm communicating.

    He nods. "For a bit."

    "How long?" I ask.

    He tilts his head back as if counting. Maybe he's got the time tracked in hours. Finally he smiles again, just a little, locks eyes with me and says: "Gazebo."

    Ah.

    Ah......FUCK!

    Now murdersous rage is locked in mortal combat with a real case of humilation. Part of me wants to kill him. The other part wants to dive under the sofa and commune with dust bunnies.

    "You were there?" I squeak again. "You watched us? How..I...oooo..how dare you and here I.."

    He interupts. "Not by choice Buffy. The holy water eveporated, some newbies were moving in. I'd been tracking them. I'd never..." He alkwardly shifts from one foot to the other. "...never..do that kind of thing on purpose."

    "You...protected us?" I gasp aloud. "Even though you knew what was happening?"

    "Sure." He looks away. "Of course. Love is a two way thing Buffy. But not always. Yes, I still love you. I probably always will. And that means, if required, I'll watch over you." He smiles again. "I just won't watch..watch..you."

    I can't help it, but a tiny smile pulls at my lips involuntarily. "Bet you'd want too."

    He wisely doesn't say anything but if he were human I'm sure he'd be blushing.

    "Jokes aside, and that was a joke not an invitation," I continue, shaking my finger in his face. "I love you too." And I open the rest of my hand and let my fingers linger against his cheek. His dark eyes bore into mine but they're clear and strong. Not glazed over with some sort of misunderstanding. He knows me, knows what I mean, and I do love him for it.

    "I do love you." I repeat. "But not in ..uh..the.."

    "Love way?" He chuckles quietly. "That's probably for the best."

    He reaches up with his own hand and rests it atop mine, still against his cheeck. We stay like that for a moment. Lingering in a last touch. Cause that's what it is. A last time, a final time. And I've seen to much to lie to myself. Part of me is hurting terribly...but that's the way it is. The way it has to be and..in all honesty..the way I want it to be.

    Masochistic much?

    Finally he curls his fingers around my hand and, slowly, gently, pulls my hand away from him. Holding it for a moment he just stares at our fingers intertwined. Then with a sigh he lets go and our hands fall away from each other. He slowly turns to look at where Willow is still asleep on his bed.

    "She came to me about an hour ago." He says. "She was...crying and..just a mess. I had no idea what was wrong with her. All I could get was that she was terrified, beyond anything I've ever seen before. She kept going on and on about 'endings' and the Hellmouth. How she needed to see you, be with you... but that she couldn't ask you too because you were needed elsewhere."

    He shrugs again. We've been doing that a lot tonight. "I guess she really felt she had nowhere else to go."

    I remember how calm she'd been since this whole bunch of crap had started with the JheBitches. Even though things just got worse and worse..and they did it fast too..but she just kept calm, focused. Trying to be what she thought I needed her to be. Good ol' Willow, supportive and always there Willow. I curse myself for being so wrapped up in 'the situation' that I didn't even notice. She must have hit some critical mass. With everyone talking about how terrible the situation is, me, Giles, not even letting Xander be a part of it...

    It hits me at that moment. Hard, there's no 'real world' equivlent that wouldn't kill me dead on the spot. It would be like being run over by a train. I realise, at that second, that I've been so wrapped up in the threat I have not, for a moment, considered how she's feeling about all this. How Willow, my Willow, who I love and loves me...a lot, I don't have time to think of an anology, feels about knowing that I'll be taking point in what will probably be, for lack of a better term, a suicide mission.

    Shit.

    "Go to her." Angel says quietly. "You don't have a lot of time."

    I can only nod.

    "I'll be..uh.." He looks around the room despretly. "Outside. In the ..garden. Far in the garden."

    I give him a small smile. "Thanks."

    "You're welcome."

    I step through the archway and he lets the drapes fall shut.

    I stand there across the threshold waiting. He is delibratly clumsy as he walks away, so I can hear his slow, solid steps getting fainter and fainter as the distance between us, both real and emotional, grows. It's another gesture.

    With only the fire in the smaller fireplace for illunmination the room, once so large and spacious becomes a little claustrophobic. Orange light and black shadows dance about the walls. The flames illuminate the deep red curtains and they seem to be on fire as well. The same colored blanket, wrinkled and twisted by the nervous rest of the the lone occupent.

    Her feet are tangled in the covers, despite being asleep one hand is clenched into a fist that grips the bedsheet tightly. As I watch her legs beging to tremble, a slight, sad, whimper escapes her throat. I'm at her side in an instant. Almost like teleportation. 'Beam me up ..something or other.'

    "Shhhh..." I whisper in her ear. I cup her face with one hand and lightly rub the bridge of her nose with my thumb. "Hush..it's okay. I'm here. Everything is fine now. Husshh..hushhh.."

    She's still asleep but she must hear me, the whimpers stop and she lets out a slow, quiet, sigh. Her body relaxes, her fist unclenches and she seems to just...fall away from me into a deeper rest. I let her.

    She sleeps, I watch. This goes on for what feels like forever. I listen to her deep, even breaths still idly stroking her face with my fingers, just being..loving. A quiet moment..finally.

    Actually it's just a few minutes, I guess. Her breathing changes slightly. Her eyelashes flutter and she begins to murmer quietly to herself. I think part of her knows I'm here now because she shifts about on the bed until she's slid a little closer and curls up against me. As she's moving I ease an arm under her head creating a pillow. I know I'm probably not as comfortable as an actual pillow but she's stopped shifting about and her murmerings have ceased. I know I made the right move.

    And all is silent. Save for the occasional crackle from the fire or the quiet rustle as it collapses in on itself, blazing up a little higher than before casting great shadows across the room, the bed, across us. I can only lose myself in the shadowplay. Holding Willow and watching.

    I guess I kind of zone out because I don't notice her hand reaching up until it makes contact with my cheek, she touches my skin gently turning my face towards hers and I'm still coming out my fuge state when she tilts her head up and kisses me.

    It's one of those kisses that could go either way. Not a peck, not a platonic gesture; all it would take is to open just a little bit more and it would grow into something passionate, or pull back just a touch and it would shrink to something less so. Her lips begin to close but than open a little wider, asking, needing more and I give. I give and give and give and even when my body is screaming for air, and my muscles trembling from the lack of it, all I do is run my own fingers through her hair and pull her tighter against me, giving even more.

    It ends, finally. I don't gasp out loud even though the fresh oxygen is welcome. If anything I hurt just a bit because it did end. She doesn't say anything, Willow doesn't. In my arms, I'm in hers and we're just nuzzling each other. Brushing our faces against each other, the tips of our noses bump occasionally, cheeks being kissed, lips pressed against necks. She's not saying anything clearly, just whispered mumblings, I cradle her head in my hand, pushing just a bit so she has to arch her neck. Her throat is long, white and lovely. I trace the outlines with my finger tips, touch the soft skin with the tip of my tounge and listen to her mumble.

    I lay small kisses up her neck, along her jaw till our lips meet again. Another exercise in oxygen deprivation ensues. She..tastes diffrent now. There's a desperation. I can feel it. Her hands clasp my face, she's kissing me so hard it's a little painful but I don't pull away. I can't. I don't want too.

    We pull apart eventually, I've slipped my arms around her and am holding her tightly against me. I can feel and hear her ragged breathing as she tries to catch her breath.

    "Hi." I say into her hair.

    "Hi." She replies equally muffled by my shoulder.

    She gently pushes against me and I let my arms slack so she can pull away. Her face moves into my vision and I can see she's still a little troubled. She's not looking at me, but staring over my shoulder at the canopy of the bed.

    "It wasn't a dream." She says.

    "What? The kiss? I hope not." I answer.

    "You and me." She explains. "Not a dream."

    "Better than a dream." I say kissing her on the cheek. She still doesn't look at me.

    "Feels like it sometimes." She says.  I sigh and sit up.

    "Willow. Baby..what's wrong?"  I ask. I brush a few errant locks of red hair off her face.

    "I'm scared." She replies with simple candor.

    "We'll win." I try and sound soothing and confidant. "We'll kill that Sisterhood, seal the Hellmouth and have our very own 'saved the world again' party." I want to leer, be  a little suggestive but..it doesn't happen. I just wind up feeling stupid.

    "Oh I'm scared of them. You bet." Willow sighs. "But that's not what I'm scared of."

    Now I'm worried. The Sisterhood of Jhe and the seeming inevitable opening of the Hellmouth is scary enough. What could be more terrifying?

    "Well.." I say slowly. "What's the problem then Willow?"

    Her eyes meet mine finally but..it's less of a comfort than I thought it would be. I can see her fear. It fills her eyes and reaches out to my own, adding to it. My heart speeds up just a bit and the room seems a little colder than it was, roaring fire or no roaring fire.

    "Do you love me?" She whispers.

    "Yes." I whisper back.

    "Say it." She licks her lips and I realise my own are suddenly dry. "Please Buffy, say it. I need to hear it."

    "I ..I love you Willow." Now my throats dry. I blink back the tears that now threaten. She's doing the same thing. "I love you so much and so deeply it's scary. I wasn't looking for it. I didn't think I needed it before. I actually believed it would be a terrible thing to be in love after Angelus. I..I had planned to avoid it. Love I mean. And then..." I wave my hand indicting her and me. "And then this happened and the faintest whisper of the possibility of what we have no longer being.. I just want to cry. Find you, pull you into my arms and never let you go."

    I swallow a few times. The tears are still threatening me, they beat Willow. Fresh streaks of moisture are sliding down her cheeks. Her lower lip is trembling but she doesn't look away from me.

    "I love you Willow." I continue. "You are my world. Everything else is just stuff. Stuff that happens to be around. If you weren't here to ..to keep me warm. To keep me anchored.." I shrug. "You're what I fight for." And the tears win. Don't they always?

    "I.." She opens her mouth, closes it again, tries once more. "I..I love you too Buffy."

    She lurches upright wrapping her arms around me so tight I can barely breathe, but I'm probably doing the same to her. She silently crying, I can feel her chest heave against mine and hear her shuddering gasps.

    "Buffy." She says into my ear. "Promise me."

    "Anything." I say back.

    "Promise me you'll let me be there."

    "What!" I exclaim pulling back. "Willow..."

    "Promise!" She practically shouts. Her eyes lock with mine, the glow of the fire in them gives her stare a particular power. Then again, she's always had a particular power over me.

    "But...what if.. I want you .." I flail about looking for the words to tell her how much it would mean to me if I knew she was out of danger.

    "I'm safest with you." She interupts. "If we fail..then no place will be safe and everything will end. It'll just be a matter of time. If things have to end I want them to end with me being with you. Not cowering somewhere waiting for some nightmare to find me."

    She pauses for breath. "If you go, I don't want you going alone. And I don't want to be alone."

    "Willow." I breathe. "It won't happen, I won't fail. I'll stop the End of The World just like before. It'll help if I know you're safe."

    "I won't BE safe Buffy. I have to be with you, I want to be with you. I know I wouldn't be to helpful. The most powerful magic I have is that fog spell and if I recall correctly, that first thing out of the Hellmouth doesn't even have eyes!" She takes a deep breath and sets her features. I've lost already but I let her play it out. "Be that as is it may, I want to be there. Promise me Buffy. Please..."

    I slowly nod. "Alright. Alright Willow if that's what you want. I promise, no matter what Giles says; you'll be there."

    She lets out a deep sigh, like someone who's been holding their breath a very long time and begins to cry again. Still quietly. "Thank you." She manages to get out. "N..now all I have to worry about is a tribe of demonic bitches with a permanent case of PMS and apocolyptic aspirations."

    A small giggle worms it's way past my one quiet weeping. "Don't forget.."I swallow and start over. "Don't forget a multi-headed, blind, tentacled horror with far too many teeth."

    She herself giggles a bit into her fist, the one pressed up against her mouth. She only nods in response. And we sit there on the bed for a minute. Lost in our own thoughts.

    Which don't last much longer than the minute. She flings herself into my arms and pushes me onto my back, I don't resist much. Her hands clasp my face between them and I reciprocate as best I can, pulling her close, holding her tight as her lips find every knook and cranny of my features, when possible I intercept her lips with my own but she's holding my head pretty tight.

    "Oh God." She gasps into my mouth. "Oh God..Oh God..Buffy..."

    "Shhhh.." I whisper back. "It'll be okay. We'll..we'll get through this."

    "Buffy." She whimpers. "I'm so scared. All I feel is cold. All I feel is afraid. I'm tired Buffy. Tired of feeling this way over and over and over.."

    "It'll be over soon." I quietly reply. "It'll be over." One way or the other, but I leave that last bit unsaid, not that she's not thinking it herself probably.

    "Don't you get it?" She whispers into my ear. "I don't want it to be over."

    "The fear?" I can feel my eyebrows crease in confusion.

    "No Buffy." And she smiles for the first time in.. I can't remember when. I'm sure it was last week sometime. She strings her fingers through my hair. "No, not the fear Buffy. This..us..I never want it to be over."

    "Oh." Duh! "Well..I don't either Willow." I kiss her lips softly. "Never."

    She's silent for a moment, trailing her fingers through my hair. Just looking down at me. She comes to a decision I guess, she gives a tiny nod in some thought question of her own.

    "Make love to me Buffy."

    The words..I should have seen them coming. I mean, it makes perfect sense. An awful situation, probable doom lurking over the fate of everything. What do you do? Something which affirms life and living more than any other. Yeah, makes sense to me.

    "Yes." Is all I say. All I have to say and, conicenditially, all I have time to say because the instant the 's' of 'yes' is said she swoops down to devour me and I relish every second of it.

    Where, when, how our clothing is removed I have no idea. They just melt away, or seem to, like reality acknowledging our desires and removing arbitrarily, these final barriers betwen us at that moment. All I know is one moment I'm garbed, the next I'm not. I can't recall any interuption in the series of kisses we've been locked in since I said 'yes' but it stands to reason there had to be one. Unless I maybe just tore the shirt right off. I'll worry about that later.

    "Buffy." She gasps into my mouth. "I..." I interupt her with a deep kiss of my own, letting her free seconds later. "I know." I say back. "I've always known." Then her lips interupt my line of speaking.  She's still on top of me, and her hands move down over my skin. Warm, hot even, but so soft even if I can feel her hunger in how she touches me, I can feel it because I can feel my own hunger. It flares up bright and demanding but..it's diffrent this time. It's so.. powerful. Not pushing though, not insatiable and hurrying just very...uh..there?

    I open my eyes to watch her frantically kissing me. My cheecks, my neck, my ear, behind my ear, and she's crying while she's doing it. "So beautiful." She wimpers in between. Softly, very softly. Maybe she thinks I can't hear her; she should know better now. I reach up with my hands and caress her face. Wiping the tears from her cheeks with the pads of my thumbs. She opens her own eyes looking a bit startled.

    "Yes." I say. "You are so beautiful my Willow."

    She leans into my hands, trying to force her way past them so her lips can reach mine and I let her, I want her too but after the kiss, which is frantic and sweet with tounges and teeth and fire and passion, after all that when she begins to move her head down, over my throat and starting between the vally of my breasts..no I don't want that. Not now. Not this time.

    I put one hand behind her head and gently pull her back up to again we're eye to eye.

    "Wha?" She askes in a confused and slightly hurt tone. "Don't you want me to.."

    "No." I smile up at her, give her a short quick kiss. "Not this time my love. This time I don't want to lose sight of you for even a second."

    "But.." I shush her with a fingers across her lips.

    "No 'buts' I say. No nothing. Just you and me. Eye to eye." I kiss her eyelids. "Face to face." I kiss the tip of her nose. "Lips to lips." And again we kiss, her lips part and I can taste the sweetness of her tounge. There's something so wonderful about that. Warm, deliscious and soft. Moving over my own, it's like..it's like...it's like we're drinking each other. Sustaining, sharing...and..I'll never get tired of it.

    I trace the line of her legs with the toe of my left foot and she slightly parts them, I can feel her knee pushing against me and I reciprocate. Our tounges never stop dancing, her fingers lightly caress my face and ears while my own trace the lines of her back. Our legs slide around, soft..so ..warm and.. then I raise my knee my thigh gently nudges against her and she again gasps into my mouth at the gentle brush. A second later she's pushing against me and the pressure sends delightful waves rushing up my spine. I wimper around her tounge and I can feel her lips pulling up into a smile but still pressed against mine.

    I slowly swivel my thigh in a circle, increasing the pressure against her at the top and then easing off as my leg circles away. This time her gasp of pleasure breaks the liplock and she throws back her head, eye's shut. She tries to follow my thigh as it moves away from her but she can't do that and still press against me. Willow begins to move her thigh in a circle, opposite to my own.  The warm tingle grows into a rush of pleasure, sweet..and....wide and I can feel the cold pit in my stomach of fear being washed away by it. Like a cold ball of ice the warmth of being with her, being with my lover, having her please me and myself pleasing her. It's being rinsed away by our fire. That cold ball is being destroyed.

    When her movements ease, and she pulls away I can't help but whimper a bit. I begin to nibble on my lower lip. It's so slow..again the circle crests and I push against her firmly. This time she doesn't have the strength to hold her head up and she rests her forehead against mine while giving voice to her approval.

    "Nnnmmm..."

    "I can bet." I whisper back. Then her own cycle pushes her against me again and I win the bet, but can't keep quiet about it.

    "Maa..ma...sss.." I slip up. I prefer to be quieter but..it's just so much.

    "W..won't take that bet...nnn..." She gasps still resting on me.

    It's cresting. I can feel it and our bodies speed up of their own violition. She's so wet and I must be soaking. Her thigh, coated from me, slides with deliscious smoothness over my lips which part slightly. Direct contact for a split second..it makes my heart leap in my chest. My back arches and my yelp of pleasure has to be audible far away. Poor Angel.

    I gyrate my hips this time, bringing more pressure to bear against Willow and her delighted cry is music to my ears. Before either of us can come down from the pleasure we crest again in our mutual dances and again there's that beautiful contact. Again we express our mutual pleasure...a bit loudly.

    "Oh God." Willow moans.

    "More?" I can barely get the word out.

    A ferverent nod is her response.

    Her arms give out as our mutal lovemaking picks up speed a little bit more. I wrap my arms around her tight. One hand cupping the back of her head pushing her into my shoulder. I fasten my lips around her ear, grazing it with my teeth and suckling on the lobe. She starts to shudder in my arms.

    All sense of  rhythm  is lost, we're just ..pushing against each other, riding..Willow is gasping in time..I think I am too but all the blood roaring in my ears seems to deafen me. Or ..maybe just selective hearing. I can hear her..but not me.  I'm pretty sure the only parts of my body still touching the bed are the back of my right leg, the heel of my left and the back of my head, the rest HAS to be arching off the blanket. I'm thrumbing so tight, my  muscles are screaming at me but I don't dare relax.

    My mind wanders off and I can just imagine how the two of us must look, if someone wandered in. Our legs wrapped around each other, are pelvises grinding into each other's thighs. Hunching together, my arms wrapped around Willow, her face pressed against my shoulder, sweat pasting her hair to her forehead, whimpering in my ear as we both get closer and closer. The firelight glistening off the moisture coating our thighs. She's so hot, wet...hot..I said that already..hot..sweet. I turn her my face into her ear.

    "I ...mmm..I know you love me." I gasp.

    "Mmhmmaa.." She whines.

    "I lo..love...you too." I press home the point with an extra hard grind.

    "Mmm..MM...MMMmm...yay.." She whispers.

    "Ready?" Boy, I know I am.

    She shakes her head franticaly, pauses..and then begins to nod vigioursly.

    "Ye..Ye...Yessss."

    I pull her back down on top of me and just push against her as hard as I dare just sliding my thigh back and forth in tiny, tiny circles. It must work. Her teeth suddenly sink into my shoulder, at the same time she forces her leg up harder and higher I spread mine just a bit more and it..it...

    I hear her quiet, climbing wail.

    "mmm..MMm..Mmmaa...Nnnnaaaa...MMMmnnn..."

    Her fingers clench in my hair into fists and she hangs on to me as I squeese her and hang on as well. I reach my own crest for the final time a split second later.

    "More..mmmooree..more..moremoremoremoremoe....." I think it's something like that. I'm not exactly listening to myelf, but rather the music of my lover as she rides her own waves.

    I feel her spasming against my thigh rythmically that I feel from my own heat, again in an odd echo. All across my skin everything suddenly becomes VIVID. The soft warmth of her breasts pressing against me, the diffrence, slightly cooler warmth of her smooth belly rubbing against mine. The blazing heat of her breath and sharp, deliscious pain of her teeth still deep in my shoulder. And...all the strength just gets sucked out my body and I realise I have been arching for the longest time when I collapse back onto the bed, sending her sprawling all over me.

    She lies atop of me. Breathing deeply..slowly..evenly. I lie there and listen to her. A slight arrest interupts her smooth inhalation. Then another..and another. And the next thing I know she crying again. It doesn't matter why, or where or when to me. All that matters is she's hurting and I have a pretty good idea why. Because the passion we had, our love, it was a shield and for a few short moments we forgot what was almost upon us. That shields gone now and I can feel the cold over my heart reform and become a solid ache once again. I'd like to cry myself but I don't think I can afford too.

    I pull her close, resting the side of her face against my breast like a babe. The pungent aroma of our combined arousal a stunning contrast to the sound of her sobbing.

    "Oh God..Oh God..Oh God..Oh God Buffy..Oh God." She sobs. ".I don't want it to end. I don't want it to end, I don't want it to end. I don't ever want it to end."

    "I love you Willow. It won't end." I know where she is, I can feel it too. The love, warm..safe and glorious..what we just shared..life..living...together. Everything we mean to each other. But behind it..the same fear and worry that has been attacking us since this whole mess started.

    She's lost in these conflicting emotions, and as I myself get rocked about by this misima of love, warmth, fear, cold, hate, depression, and joy I find myself reaching beyond that.

    Her arms wrap around me and I pull her up higher so her chin rests on my shoulder. Our embrace is fierce, I can feel her tears dripping off her face to fall, hot and salty, across my back.  "I don't want it to end, I don't want it to end, I don't want it to end.." She says over and over.

    And I reach past all that as well. In my mind's eye I can see it. A small point, burning, white, unwavering and untouched by the surrounded emotional tempests.

    And I know it won't end this way.

    With the Sisterhood, with the Hellmouth.

    I open my eyes and stare over Willow's shoulder into the fire beyond. I can feel it's heat as I feel the white heat inside me.

    It won't end this way.

    I won't let it.

END