Title: You Think

Author: Lowdeen

Disclaimer: The characters and show do not belong to me. The story contains love between two women.

Pairing: Anya/Faith

Rating: PG

Comments: lowdeen@aol.com

You think it's all right to sleep around if I don't know about it. You must think I'm stupid when you don't even bother making up original excuses anymore when you stay out late. Slaying you always say when I ask. It's always slaying.

Don't you think I smell them on you? It's not vampire dust. It's the stink of cologne. Sometimes perfume. Sometimes both.

Don't you think I see the marks on your back? I didn't make them. When was the last time I lost that much control having sex with you?

Do you care anymore?

Do you keep me around out of a sense of obligation?

When we make love, do you pretend I'm someone else?

When we make love, do you even think of it as love?

You found me at my lowest point and you promised me security. You promised we'd both get through our pain together. You promised to wipe away my tears.

Instead you made me fall in love with someone else who would betray me. Do you know that that person's you?

You molded my pain and made it in your image.

I'm an ex-demon. I spent twelve hundred years dealing with the aftermath of betrayals people like you hand out. Now I'm on the receiving end. What would you call it? Payback? Bad luck? Crappy taste in partners?

You look at me sometimes with this soft gaze and I can remember why I still love you. You don't seem to understand that moments like that come too few and far between to save whatever we have and whatever we had.

You'll hate me when I tell you. You might even throw things and punch the wall. We still haven't plastered over that last hole you made.

And it'll only be a matter of time before you start yelling. You think if you don't shout, you won't be heard. But it's the shouting that makes me tune you out.

You'll calm down eventually. You've learned how to control your emotions better since coming out of prison. You'll plead for another chance even though you're not sure why your last chance got used up. And you wonder why I'm breaking this off. Liberal use of sarcasm should be noted here.

You won't listen. You can't. Do you think it's easy for me to do this? How long did it take me to realize I'll never stop getting hurt by you?

You care; as much as you're able. But you can only go so far before something inside you refuses to bend anymore. It's the same something that makes you beat up on vampires before you dust them, the same something that makes you tense up on instinct every time I touch you too deep, the same something I'll never be able to break through because it's become so much a part of you now.

You'll finally let me go after you realize I won't be backing down this time. But before I leave, you'll pull my heart out and keep it for yourself.

"I love you," you'll say with eyes that shine like black marble. "I'll always love you."

You know the pain that'll cause. Could I really expect anything else from you?

In the end, you'll always leave me hurting, Faith.


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