Title: A Faint Glimmer of Hope

Author: LLE

Email: saturnchild@hotmail.com

Disclaimer: Not mine, never were. If I ever win the lottery, maybe they will be. Wishful thinking, I know. LOL

Archive: http://www.geocities.com/charmeddk83/FemmeHaven.html


Sometimes I wonder when it all changed. When did my feelings for her change? When did hate turn to love? Was it during that first dinner we had with our parents? When she slapped me and I realized just how much my thoughtless words had hurt her? Was it during the talk we had the following day in the Novak? Or was it when she publicly ridiculed herself to help Carmen save face?

Each of those could have been it, but I know now that neither of them is. My hate never turned into love. It couldnít have, because I never hated her. I love her with everything I am and then some, I always have. I just made myself believe that I hated her; it was so much easier than admitting how I truly felt, truly feel for her.

In the time weíve been living in the same house, the number of catfights has decreased quite a bit, and Iím grateful for that. I hate it when we fight. I hate hearing the venom in her voice when itís directed at me. I hate looking into her eyes and find pain. When she hurts, I hurt too, and itís even worse when I know that Iím the one who made her feel that way.

I wish that she could feel the same way about me. Unfortunately, sheís straight as an arrow. My only hope is that one day; while that arrow is flying it will bump into something. Maybe then itíll bend just a little bit, and Iíll have my chance.

I havenít really talked to anyone about this. Only Lily knows about my feelings for her. I donít know what I would have done without my little Latina friend. If I hadnít had our little ďtherapyĒ sessions to get my emotions out, Iíd have gone off my rocker a long time ago, thatís for sure. Lily keeps telling me to hold on just a little longer, saying that it will happen eventually. She seems so sure of her own words.

I wish I could be just as certain.

2 Am? Is it that late already? I guess I lose track of time when Iím thinking about things like this. I canít help it though. No matter how hard I try, my mind seems to have a life all on its own. Just when I think Iíve found a distraction, it turns back to what apparently is the only constant; her.

I have to be quiet, sheís been asleep for hours already and I donít want to wake her up. How would I explain sitting in her bedroom in the middle of the night? Sheíd probably go completely ballistic if she ever found out that Iím in here almost every night, just watching her sleep. I guess it is kind of weird, but itís the only chance I have to see her this unguarded.

She looks like an angel as she lies there with that gentle smile on her lips. Sheís holding one of her pillows close to her, as if it was the most precious treasure in the world. I wish that she would hold me in such a protective, loving embrace.

Iíll have to move on eventually, but I donít want to. Not right now. I want to believe Lily when she tells me that everything will be allright in the end. I want to believe that she will one day realise that she loves me as much as I love her. I have to believe that, itís the only thing thatís keeping me up these days.

I hear her sigh. Itís a contented sigh, nothing but pure happiness in it. I watch as she snuggles closer to the pillow in her arms, holding it ever so close to her heart. A faint murmur escapes her lips, those two words are so soft that I can barely make them out, but I hear them as clear as if they were spoken directly beside my ear.

ďMy SammyÖĒ

And suddenly, the day looks just a little brighter.


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