UNDER SIEGE

OK, the subtext in ep three. But first, a small reminder of what you should know from the previous eps:
1) Josh wants to play in the musical and everybody else wants him to stay in the football team.
2) Lily refuses to cut up dead frogs in Biology.
3) Sam and Brooke have hopelessly fallen in love with each other. Unfortunately, they have not yet actually told each other about their feelings, so they don’t know about the other.
Had they known, then much of the nastiness that follows in this episode would have been avoided.

Anyway, the scene opens with Jane and Sam. You all remember Sam saying that it was time for Jane to move on since it’s been two years already? Sam said that at the very beginning of the very first ep. As it turns out, however, Sam does not want Jane to move on to Brooke’s dad and is quite vocal about this. In the belief that personality is, in some way, genetic Sam starts pointing out all of Brooke’s bad points and assumes that Jane will assume that Mike has the same bad points. Sam mentions several things, including ‘judgmental’.

We move to the Palace where Brooke is doing the same thing: pointing out Sam’s bad point. She too mentions ‘judgmental’.
And I suppose we all know who judgmental people like to judge.
Not a good sign for things to come.
Anyway, flashing back and forth between Sam&Jane and Brooke&Mike we find out that there will be dinner between the two families in a few days time. Sam and Brooke look miserable with this news. And can you really blame them? Being with the girl you want, but not being able to have her.
Oh, the sweet irony of it all.

Moving on. School has started. Lily, refusing to cut up the dead frog, now must carry said frog around at school until she cuts it up.

Mary Cherry swoops into view. To all appearances it would seem that she has been elected as new Queen of Kennedy High. MC bumps into Lily, they exchange pleasantries, they part ways. Lily and Harrison are walking around, talking about Lily’s new pet. Lily has decided to call the frog Jehovah. She has named like this, because:
“He’s my Witness against conformity.”
It is VERY interesting to note that Lily mimics Mary Cherry’s accent when saying this line. Is there something I’m missing here?
Also, on an unrelated note, what the Hell do JEHOVAH WITNESSES have to do with a struggle AGAINST conformity? The Jehovah are all about conformity. Jehovah Witnesses want everyone to CONFORM to their own ideals and their own explanation of the Bible.
Lily really should read up on her religion.

So, we are now in Humanities class. I have absolutely no clue what Humanities class is, since we don’t have anything like it over here where I live. It would seem, however, that this class is designed to teach people individuality. Seems pretty senseless to me, since people are by nature good at being individuals.
Anyway, the first thing Sam and Brooke do when the bell rings is, you guessed it, look longingly at each other. It would be interesting to point out that Sam and Brooke are sitting next to each other. Harrison is not sitting next to Nicole. Carmen is not seated next to Josh. The seats have not been assigned in alphabetical order. Brooke and Sam don’t HAVE to sit next to each other. And yet, they sit next to each other.
Even though much of the ‘evidence’ about the Sam/Brooke relationship is in part based on wishful thinking, you would have to have a very good reason indeed to convince me that there really isn’t anything going on here. Even the phrase: ‘They had to, because there were no other places left’ will not help, since there are several empty tables.
Sam and Brooke CHOSE to sit next to each other.
So, class starts and the first thing the teacher (a woman called Canada) tells her class to do is to cut out squares of paper. Yeah, whatever. Anyway, during this daunting assignment we see that Nicole has not cut out squares, but a string of girls holding hands. But then, she’s gay-blooded so who can blame her?
After this, the kids in the class have to have a lesson in communication. This means Sam and Brooke will have to talk meaningfully to each other. You can tell by the looks in Brooke’s eyes and the smile plastered across her face that she is quite excited by this. Brooke starts the talk by assuring Sam that this thing between their parents won’t last. The unspoken part here, of course, is ‘So then I can get back to wooing you without any further complications’.
Sam, however, fails to pick up on this and the conversation turns into a fight.

Time to introduce some teachers. I originally fell into Popular rather late where the only teachers concerned were Miss Glass and, occasionally, VP Krupps. However, in these early episodes there seem to be quite a few teachers on the school. Josh is sitting between two of them. Mr Vincent, head of the drama apartment and Coach Peritti, head of the football team. In front of him sits Cecilia Hall, the principal.
The conflict at hand is, of course, about Josh. About how he must choose between musical and football. Josh says he wants to do both. Principal Hall thinks he’s more than able to do so and agrees. She then goes on to scold the teachers about their adolescent behaviour.
Why am I telling you all this?
Wait and see.

It’s lunchtime and with one simple phrase it becomes clear to us that Carmen is swooning over Nicole, because Carmen is busy looking at Nicole’s lips and commenting on her “perfect lip-gloss”.
Anyway, at the popular table they notice that the unpopulars are looking at them. Mary Cherry panics, saying that they’re “coveting our men”.
They aren’t, of course. In fact, there isn’t a man in sight. So who are the unpopulars staring at? Hmmm… let’s think about this for a moment.
Sam is looking at Brooke (obviously).
Carmen is looking at Nicole.
This leaves Lily. She’s either looking at Popita Fresh or Mary Cherry. Considering their little run-in in the hall earlier, I’d say she’s looking at Mary Cherry.
At the unpopular table the conversation is about the upcoming McQueen/McPherson dinner. Harrison thinks this is a great opportunity.
“If you and Brooke can become friends…”
He’s cut of by Sam saying that they won’t be friends. Sam is going for an all-or-nothing when it comes to Brooke.
At the popular table SD and Josh show up. Nicole smiles friendly at SD and her glare at MC tells us that the blonde lovebirds haven’t managed to work out their differences yet.
Brooke announces that she now supports Josh’ decision to play in the musical. She has bought tickets for the entire front row to show this support. She also announces that she just has to get through dinner unscathed, after which Mike will wake up to the reality that he doesn’t like Jane and everything will be back to normal.
“It’ll be great.”
Also note that Brooke does not sound as enthusiastic as she should. In fact, she sounds almost depressed. This is because she has come to a sad realisation. The fight in Humanities class has convinced Brooke that Sam could never love her. It would therefore be better for her if Sam was far away.
Now then, after making this grand supporting gesture Josh and Brooke try to gaze into each other’s eyes. You know, the same kind of gaze Sam and Brooke do automatically whenever they get into gazing range of each other. Unlike the Sam/Brooke gazes, however, this gaze is obviously forced and both Josh and Brooke soon give up on it, preferring to look at the table instead.

Sam gets a call of a guy named ‘Deep Throat’. Deep Throat is a pretty big name in the journalism world. It was the alias of the guy who revealed the infamous Watergate scandal that caused Nixon’s downfall. Sam and DT agree to meet.

The meeting between Sam and DT follows quite quickly. Sam looks a lot like one of those French resistance fighters from ‘Allo ‘Allo. She’s wearing a long, light-brown trench coat and a black beret. DT turns out to be Mr Vincent, the Drama teacher. He claims he could read “between the lines” in Sam’s article on Brooke and so he has some information for her. It concerns the budget plans of the school’s athletic department. Mr Vincent would go with the figures to principal Hall himself if it weren’t for the fact that she might not believe him on account of the whole Josh-business.
Sam takes a look at the figures and makes a big discovery. The figures are bogus. Coach Peritti is a FRAUD. This is what you might call big news and Sam leaps at the opportunity, writing an editorial revealing this… creative use of numbers.
She also uses this opportunity to say to the world that Carmen should be on the cheerleading squad, but was refused because of the cheerleader’s immoral view of the world.
You’d expect Carmen to be happy with this.
She’s not.
Instead she’s totally pissed off at Sam.

Next day, Nicole, Mary Cherry and Popita corner Sam in the Novak. They threaten to do bodily harm to her because of the editorial. Sam is saved, however, by Mr Plot Device… I mean Grant.
During the verbal fight with Sam and Mr Grant Nicole claims that there are two sides to every story. This is true. The two sides to THIS story, however are the following:
1) The athletics department which profits greatly from their excessive budget.
2) The other departments who have to do with a whole lot less because of said budget.
So Nicole’s defence really isn’t all that strong. Just thought I’d point that out.

Biology class. Brooke is mad at Sam. This isn’t a very big surprise since EVERYONE is mad at Sam right now. Brooke, of course, believes that it was an attack directed at her personally. She says:
“I can’t believe there was actually a time when I thought we could be friends.”
Sam cheers up considerably at this news. You can see the ‘Could it be? Could it REALLY be?’ vibe pouring out of her every pore. Sam tries to play it subtle, though, by saying:
“You never thought that.” And then adds a hopeful: “Did you?”
Brooke, still pissed, is missing what Sam is saying here, so she foolishly replies with:
“Well now I guess you’ll never know.”

Of all people in school Lily would be appreciative of the crime Sam has uncovered, wouldn’t she?
No, she isn’t.
Instead of congratulating Sam at discovering this foul plot of the rich to get even richer and stomping out everything the rich don’t really like (like Drama), she gets angry at Sam for not printing something about her dead frog.

Brooke and Nicole are in the boys’ locker and shower room. Nicole seems to be having the time of her life. Brooke tries to look at everything EXCEPT the boys. Because she is, after all, totally into girls. Anyway, coach Peritti shows up and says that Principal Hall was rightfully furious about the bogus budget and has cut Peritti’s funds by 50%. Peritti will be forced to shut down the Glamazons, unless star player Josh plays at the big game because the entire football team is so enormously crap that Josh and Josh alone can save them. The big game which, by the way, is at the exact same night as the musical.

Brooke and Josh talk and Brooke tells Josh about the looming demise of the Glamazons. Josh admits that this isn’t a very good thing, but it’s all OK, because:
“We’ve got each other and that’s what’s important.”
Brooke agrees wholeheartedly. NOT.
So the blonde goes to say that Josh should drop out of the musical and play in that important game. Josh is understandably mad at Brooke for making this sudden 180 degrees turn and leaves.

Sam is sitting somewhere, all alone, looking at an old newspaper clipping. The headline says something like “Joe McPherson Is California’s Reporter Of The Year”. It’s easy to see why Sam is aspiring to become a journalist. Anyway, Sam is understandably upset. All she wanted to do is right a wrong and what happens? Everyone turns on her.
Harrison arrives. Sam, by now in tears, tells him how much she misses her dad and that all she wanted to do was to do the right thing.
Harrison -sweet, gentle, caring Harrison- looks upon Sam in her time of need and… says several horrible things to her, opening up and digging into old wounds and kicking against every exposed nerve ending he can find.
God, I hate Harrison.

Nicole has a plan how to get the Glamazon budget back. Brooke apparently knows what this plan involves, but says she just can’t do it.

We realise why Brooke wasn’t the girl for the job because it’s an attempt to discredit Sam by claiming she’s having an affair with Mr Grant. It would seem that, although Brooke is mad at Sam, she isn’t THAT mad at Sam.
Anyway, Sam and Mr Grant have to respond to Nicole’s accusations. Mr Grant, however, was a plot device to get Sam and Brooke to fall in love with each other. They now have, so his role in the story is basically over. Things do not bode well for Mr Grant when Sam says she and Mr Grant went on a date in front of Principal Hall.
After this talk with the principal Brooke and Sam glare at each other in the hallway for several moments. Sam turns away first. Brooke’s glare disappears and is instead replaced by a look of guilt.

Some people deal with frustrations by shouting, some deal by hitting things. Brooke deals with all the frustrations currently in her life by doing some pretty aggressive baking.
It is clear that the dinner is at hand.

And yes, here the dinner is. Mike and Jane try their very best to make it a pleasant one. The background music, however, tells us beforehand that things are not going to go well. Anyone who has seen the original Fantasia will know that this classical piece of music has been depicted as a large demon on top of a hilltop and lots of dancing skeletons and assorted other minor demons.
A large part of the conversation consists out of drawing parallels with “The Brady Bunch”. Unfortunately, I don’t know a lot about this show, except that it also involves two families moving in with one another. Anyway, Sam claims that Brooke is like Marsha, but Brooke thinks she’s more like Jan. Brooke thinks Sam is a lot like Alice, but Sam also thinks she is like Jan.
I have absolutely NO clue what this all means, so if anyone cares to enlighten me, I would be grateful.
Anyway, Brooke and Sam start fighting once more and Sam leaves…

… To Brooke’s room as it turns out. Brooke corners Sam there and, after fighting some more, the two of them suddenly and out of nowhere have a heart-to-heart about their parents and how much they miss them. Sam then fails to be Miss Tact 1999, causing a violent outburst from Brooke. She slaps her. Brooke recoils, horrified with what she’s done. A lot of tears have flowed during this short time.

The entire popular group (including Josh, SD and Popita) sit around a table discussing what they’re gonna do tonight. Josh says that whatever they’re gonna do, he isn’t going to be there doing it with them since he wants to be alone for a while. Everybody looks at Brooke sympathetically, but the blonde says she deserved it. It would only be fair if she’d also said “I was so consumed by everything Sammy that I’ve neglected him. Not only that, but what Sam and I could have would be far greater than what Josh and I have, so I wasn’t really trying to keep our so-called relationship alive anyway.”

Oh yeah, remember Carmen, Lily and Harrison all being mad at Sam for no good reason? Do you also remember that the three of them have actively tried to make Sam’s life a living Hell for the past few days? It has become so bad even that Sam feels she should completely apologise and say that she’s an inherent evil person as she sits down with them.
Note my surprise when the other three actually say that they’re Sam's friends and that they didn’t realise Sam was feeling down. This is because Sam WASN’T feeling down UNTIL they showed up.
Some friends.

Back to principal Hall. She’s blind so she needs someone to look at the security tape for her. She has chosen Mr Vincent, the Drama teacher. Vincent then is forced to describe how it all looks like when he stole the files that uncovered the whole cheerleading budget business.
Exit Mr Vincent.

Sam and Brooke are in the Novak together. Brooke apologises for hitting Sam. Sam apologises for making insulting remarks about Brooke’s mother. With the looks they throw at each other it is VERY hard to believe indeed that they don’t jump each other’s bones right then and there. Instead, however, they talk about their parents.
“I guess they really love each other.” Says Brooke.
“And then there’s you and me.” Sam.
Guess what Brooke’s gonna answer to this one. Yes! It’s:

“Two people who really don’t like each other at all.”

Excuse me for a moment whilst I recover from my hysterical laughing fit.
*Insert Hysterical Laughing Fit Here*
*Insert Hysterical Coughing Fit Here*
OK, I’ve recovered.
‘Two people who don’t really don't like each other at all’?
‘TWO PEOPLE WHO REALLY DON’T LIKE EACH OTHER AT ALL’???
Now I know a thing or two about people I don’t like. There are, in fact, actual people I don’t like. And there just are a couple of things you do NOT do with people you don’t like. One of them would be to offer heartfelt apologies. You also tend NOT to have deep personal talks with people you don’t like. And, most of all, you never, never, never ever look at each other with the great big lovesick puppy-eyes!
Then again, maybe it’s different in America.
Nah…

The show ends with a hint of things to come as Lily and Josh bury Jehovah, the dead frog which in the end did not have to be cut up since Lily scored well on the test. And they do this together…