Title: Breaking the Noir
Author: Hope Libby
Rating: PG-13 right now I think.
Spoilers: None that I know of.
Ship: You don't even know who the main character is... well some of you have guessed and guessed right but I'm still not goin to say officially till its written.
Warning: If you don't like self pity turn away, and while in this section it doesnt say whether this character is a male or female, she's a girl and if you have a problem with the female/female thang dont read this. ;)
Authors Notes: Uhm I'm enjoying writing this, which is good... but feedback feeds the soul so gimmie some. ;) I included the intro teaser just because... and well its part of part one.:D
But the dark also brings pain for me. The pain is from the fact that I have no one who can stand to be around me long enough to get to the dark. Its some ugly sense of irony that the good me lives in the dark and the bad lives in the light. Or lived in the light, I've been trying to be good in the night and the day, but the pain in the day is even harder to bear with. In the light of the day I have my sight and can see the pain on people's faces, my sight blinds me with pain every second of the day.
Today something different happened though; today for a brief moment I didn't feel any pain. Today I met her, this girl with the most beautiful dark brown hair that is long and wavy, eyes that are the color of chocolate, a body that Aphrodite would kill for, and a smile… a smile that made me forget to hurt. I never even got her name, the time with her went too quickly, oh but the memories she brought back stayed with me the whole day. Memories of the only person I ever loved… the only person who ripped my heart out as I ripped hers, memories of how it felt to live, and how it feels to die. She is my only real regret; Samantha is the one thing I wish I could redo. If I could I would change the way things ended. Seeing that unnamed girl today in the coffee house I frequent just reminded me of the girl I once loved…still love, and all I want now is to find her and find out who she is.
I shiver, the cold of the winter is still lingering in the air even though it's late March, realizing I should probably get back into my car and drive home, I do. Except I don't end up at home, I end up at the coffee house, secretly hoping that the unnamed girl is back there. This is the kind of thing that happens in the night, the heart takes over; the mind no longer has control over the body… all it can do is think. But alas it is 2am and not even in L.A. would a coffee house be open this late, or early, depends on how you think of it.
Trivial things like time are what I spend most of my time thinking about. Thinking about things you cannot change helps you to not think of the things you can but don't. I return home with plans of attending the coffee shop at the same time tomorrow, or today, to see if the girl is there. Perhaps she is a regular to the shop and I have been missing out on her for all of my coffee drinking years by coming in at the wrong time. Ah, time, there it is again. Slowly sneaking up on you like a panther upon its prey, time can be a beautiful asset or your worst enemy all at once. Time is a tease; it gives you a glimpse of what it can do but takes it away before you even had the chance. Thinking of time is what lulls me away to a sleep filled with Samantha haunting every one of my dreams. I awaken to the bright illicit shining of the morning sun from a dream I did not want to wake from. Just me and my lovely Sam holding each other and whispering sweet nothings, yet in the dream Sam did not look like Samantha… she looked like the girl from the coffee house. Oh but in the dream she felt like Sam, talked like her even. Was my unconscious playing a trick on me or was some cosmic power like Zeus playing with my mind? The dream had to have been a trick, because my mind would not allow the possibility of what it could mean if it were a sign. I've grown accustomed to having these kinds of dreams of Sam, not a night in seven years has gone by with out her being in my dreams, which is why last nights dream strikes me so powerfully. Who is this stranger and why has she affected me so?
I'm nervous for some reason, there isn't any reason that she might be there today, but if she is what would I do? This would be the first time I will be trying to get to know someone with out a need in mind, well maybe I have a need but this one isn't material and all the others have been. Even my relationship with Sam started out with my advancement in mind.
Sam was just about to break it big as a journalist working for the L.A. Times, and I had just graduated from UCLA with a Masters in Business. Sam would have been graduating as well but the opportunity to work for the Times was too great and she settled for the four-year degree. In high school we barely tolerated each other, but college found us as best friends. I know now that the reason Sam spent as much time with me as she did was because of the crush she had on me, I had no clue until a year after Sam graduated. By then I had been told by many of my male teachers that a pretty little blonde girl like me wouldn't be able to get anywhere without sleeping to get to the top. That's what happens when you are one of the beautiful people, everyone thinks they can tell you the brutal truth and they expect it to not effect you. I'd blame my cruel outlook on life and how I got to where I am on my teachers, but I had a hint of the evilness in high school. But then, in high school my best friend was considered Satan's hell spawn, and the little things I did that were cruel were nothing compared to her. It was those male teachers that made me realize that I would have to be an ice queen and to use people in order to get to where I wanted to go.
Samantha unfortunately was in the perfect position to start my advancement in the business world, and she had a crush on me, which made things earlier. I hated the idea of using my best friend, even worse abusing her love, but each time I doubted myself I heard the voices of my teachers… taunting me. I started it off slowly, dropping little hints that I might like her as well, then little teases… I had to make sure that she fully wanted me. Then one day, it was in November I believe, I asked her out on a date… a week later I kissed her. I lost myself in that kiss. I became an addict for her lips and love, like she for mine, but all the while I kept asking her things about business news, rumors, things that I needed to know to get ahead. I didn't feel as bad using her, cause I really did love her… but I was using her, and that is never right. She was using me as well, which I wasn't aware of at the time. Being beautiful, rich, and blonde in Los Angeles has its advantages, for one I got invited to all of the Premieres and Parties thrown by the actors, I was Sam's means of getting into somewhere that reporters weren't normally allowed. Two years after I graduated we broke up, or rather pulled each others still beating hearts from each others chests threw them on the ground, jumped up and down on them then grated them with a cheese grater. To say that it was a bad breakup would be a severe understatement.
My knowledge and expertise in my area, and Sam's inside knowledge had gotten me to partner in two years. A woman, especially a woman of my age, had never done that before. Sam had become the next Katie Couric, because of her natural finesse, my popularity, and her ability to do anything to get the story. It was because of her status that Sam had to move to New York, the mecca of journalism as she called it. She never really had to move, but the money was more over there and so her greed got the better of her. Sam had expected me to drop everything and move with her, and I had expected Sam to give up that opportunity and stay here. Both of us were too greedy and driven for power to give up on our jobs. We both refused to settle, and we also refused to do the long distance thing… especially after the truth came out.
It had been during one our many fights that we were having back then, it started by me mentioning a party I had been invited to in the Hills and escalated to throwing things and almost hitting each other, but the truth came out that night. She said she was using me for my popularity, and I in return told her, yelled rather, that I only got with her out of the need for insider information. We only said these things to get a reaction out of the other, and I know me using her was slowly grating on my nerves, but for it to be out in the open just made everything else seem false as well. We broke things off then, Sam never talking to me again and I got back together with Nicole. The Nicole thing was something Sam was never able to get out of the back of her mind, and well looking back now I couldn't blame her. After all, Nicole was my first love and no one really gets over her first love, and Sam was there through my pining away, my getting her, and my dumping her for some stupid reason.
Going back to Nicole after being with Sam didn't make any one happy, but in the two years of dating Nic on and off I had gotten all the power one needs in the business, and had saved my money up, I started my own business. Doing this caused the company I was at to have to declare bankruptcy because I took all the clients, it's a rough world but someone had to screw it. I had my power, I had my money, I had my business, and I dumped Nic… the soul mate bit only goes so far when you've had true love. But I didn't allow my self to think about or even acknowledge the existence of Sam except in my dreams where I had no control over my mind.
It took me four years of being a cold bitch, and running a company to realize that I wasn't happy, more like it took me ending up in the hospital for cutting myself too deep, to realize that something needed a change.
It is now 7 years A.S. (After Sam) and I have spent this last year trying to right all of the wrongs of my past, one's I don't care to think of. I've done my penance for them all except for Sam, and I was content in my discontent for Sam. Then this beautiful brown haired girl comes into my coffee shop and knocks the breath out of me with her beauty and aura, and forces me to remember all of the things that I loved Sam for and how much I missed Sam. If this girl wasn't so earth shattering beautiful, I'd probably want to cause bodily harm to her for making me remember. But instead she fondles my dreams, forcing her image upon my Sam, messing up my mind so fluently. I've only seen her for a fleeting moment, and yet I am craving more. I awake out of my mental labyrinth to find that my autopilot has managed to get me to my coffee place. I walk in, look around and she is not there yet, so I order my usual, hot coca… I don't like the bitter blackness of coffee, it reminds me of me. I take my coca and sit down in the over stuffed purple crushed velvet couch in the back corner of the shop. I brought along my favorite book, so I can pretend to be reading and if someone asks me about it I can actually know what was happening in the story. It causes the perfect hiding method for the eyes, hold the book just right and it looks like your reading, even if your eyes aren't moving. I get so tired of staring at the door that I actually start to read my book for what seems like the hundredth time in my life, I'm halfway through, and totally engrossed in, my book when I get interrupted.
"Excuse me." That molasses soft voice has got to be greatest sound in all of existence, I revel in the sound of it for a bit before I look up to see whom it belongs to. When I look I see that I missed my brunette's entrance, and that the voice belongs to her.
"Yes?" I say, too flustered at the moment to really think of anything else, that and there is this certain familiarity in her eyes that has gotten me all wound up.
"It seems as if all the seats in this shop have been taken up." I look around and notice that the place is full, I also spot the clock and see that I've been reading for a long time. "Would you mind if I sit next to you? It's the only space left."
"Never." Ok that really wasn't supposed to come out, and I need to get away from the monosyllabic words. She looses her spark and turns to head away when I realize what my words must have sounded like. "I meant I would never mind." I blush; she looks at me inquisitively and then smiles a smile that would make the moon want to stay out forever. I realize that I am lost in her, already addicted and I don't even know her name. She sits down and notices my book. "A leather bound edition of Harry Potter?" She asks, her beautiful voice full of amusement. I look at my book with a slight blush.
"Uh… yeah, well its my favorite book. The original hard cover came off from over use and Sa… someone very close to my heart took the book to a leather professional, and had it leather bound for my birthday." Stop it! Why is she making me remember Sam! It's not fair, I'm not supposed to remember, I'm supposed to forget her and move on.
"It's my favorite book too… some one really good for me was addicted to it and got me addicted to it. The whole series actually, but this book in particular… it's mainly about Quidditch."
"Oh that's why its my favorite as well, it doesn't delve too much in the serious things… ok well, it did kinda, but it is so easy to focus in on the game and have fun in the fantasy of the game."
"Exactly…" Pleasant silence then I have to go and realize, "We were just like little kids just then."
"Yeah, I wish it were that easy."
"That easy to what?" I don't know why but I want to know why she said that, it could be me just wanting to hear her talk forever, but that couldn't be the only reason.
"That easy to go back in time."
"If you were to go back, do you honestly think you would change what you did back then?"
"Ah I see you have thought of this immensely as well." I laugh; I don't think I have done that in years, not a good honest laugh.
"Well, yes… too much I gather."
"Never enough for me, it seems… I'd like to think that I would change things, if I were able to go back."
"I know I would do things exactly the same."
"Even with knowing how this path turned out?"
"As much as I hate to admit this, yes." I turn away from her chocolate brown eyes that don't let out much, just that this conversation has got her captivated. She places her hand on my shoulder.
"It takes a lot of strength to admit that you know, you shouldn't look away." I look her in the eye, and I get lost in the honesty there.
"I know… its just, I haven't been the best person."
"Who has? I know I haven't. I'm not ashamed about it though, because I have accepted that it's a part of my past."
"Well I'm new to the game." She is a stranger after all, I don't want to share all of my secrets right away, but then again, her eyes make me want to… they seem so familiar.
"At least you're playing."
"True." She looks at her watch and gasps. "Oh shoot, I'm late. I really need to get going." She stands up about to leave, all I can manage to say is…
"I'm sorry I made you late."
"Why? I'm not." She smiles that wondrous smile again, which in turn causes me to smile.
"Well then, I'm not sorry in the slightest."
"See, now don't you feel better?" She winks at me and I laugh.
"Yes…" I pause, lost in her eyes, drifting through a staring contest that I don't want to stop, but it has to, " you better get going before I start feeling guilty though."
"Oh yeah." She shakes her head, she starts to leave and all I can do is watch, then she turns back towards me. "Hey you want to get coffee sometime? Ok wait that is what this was… and you don't drink coffee judging by the coca in your cup… uh, shutting up now." I smile at her, trying to make sure that I don't look too excited at her offer.
"I'd love to." I write my number down on a napkin and hand it to her, our hands touching for the briefest moment but igniting a spark that could burn down a forest. "Call me, any time."
"I will." She says simply, and I know she will, and
as she runs out of the shop I realize I didn't write
my name with my number, and I still don't know hers.
Part TwoWell... eh read, enjoy... I'm proving that I am actually working on this story. ;) LOL
Even though it is nearly midday I head into work, to make sure everything is running well, and to attempt to let the employees know that I have changed. When I enter my office I find Nicole sitting there, in my seat listening to music and over looking the skyline of Los Angeles.
"Hey Nic. What are you doing here?" I try to make it sound as nice as possible, friendly even, but its hard with the guilt I have because of how I treated her. Nicole turns around and looks at me, her eyes, which were once so full of an unquenchable fire, are now empty, void of any life. It hurts to look at her, knowing that I'm the reason that her eyes have lost her spark.
"Brooke, I hope you don't mind." She starts, sounding like a child caught at doing something wrong… I want the old Nic back. The one who never would have even realized she was doing something wrong, or if she knew it she didn't care. But I created this Nic and have to try to fix what I broke. She continues in a somewhat stronger voice, "But your office has the best view, and I just wanted to get away from people for a while. You weren't in so…"
"That's fine, your always welcome here Nic." There was a brief glimmer of something in her eyes as I said that, I guess that means I am on the right path. We are in silence for a bit, and I notice Nicole looking uncomfortable in this situation, so I try to start a conversation.
"How have you been doing?" She visibly flinched at the sound of my words, I'd like to think that it was because I broke the silence… but that would just be the hope talking.
"Getting better." She says with a faint smile.
"Glad to hear it." And I am, I never wanted Nic to be like this. But that's what you get for using people. The whole time while I was dating Sam she stayed away, I don't think Nic has ever gotten over me… even after all of these years. As soon as Sam and I… 'separated' Nic was back in my life, there to pick up the pieces of my broken heart. She wanted to be my rebound, she wanted to show me that what I had with Sam was nothing compared to what she could give me.
Little did she know that Sam had always had my heart, even before I knew Nic. But Nicole just was trying so hard, and I felt like I needed to get back at Sam, so I got back together with Nic. Even though it felt better to have someone, it just wasn't the same. Back then Nicole was the same Nicole that I first fell in love with, the one who didn't take crap from anyone, she put the bite in being a bitch, so it was a good quality to have around… to draw from. I kept her along by my side never really being faithful to just her, but just enough so I could keep her on my leash. I spent two years with her like that, finding out how exactly I could be as powerful as her, as I was slowly tearing her down mentally. I was the only one who could do it, and I did it.
After I had set up my own company and let Nicole bitch out all of the people who had whatever smart ass comment they had, I told her it was over. I kept her as a partner, half way in thanks for her help, and partially because I did love her at one point. By the time I ended things between us, I had stripped her completely of any spark she had inside. It wasn't a conscious task on my part, but I did it by only coming to her in times of need. When I needed flesh, or her words, I just took and took from her, and never even thought of giving back. In a way I'm glad I kept her working for me, so I can have a conscious reminder of who I once was… and why I have made the change. I look over to Nicole, who has gone back to looking out the window, and just watch her… searching for a way to make her better. The only thing I can think of to do is…
"I'm sorry you know." I said in a soft voice, not wanting her to flinch, but she still does.
"You've changed…again." She says simply, and then continues. "I noticed your slight change about a year ago. One day your whole demeanor changed, but it was so slight that I wasn't sure it happened." She pauses, and I realize just how special this woman is, "I still don't know why you changed though, maybe it is because you had gotten everything you wanted. But I still don't know. You also started talking to me then, not much, but it was a softer form of civil ness."
"I should have known you would notice." I say, interrupting her. "Is there anyway that I could possibly make things better between us… could you ever forgive me for what I did to you Nic?" It came out in a pleading tone, something that I did not plan to have come out.
"I forgave you a long time ago… I forgave you the moment I decided to love you completely." I look down, full of shame for using her like I did; I cannot possibly look her in the eyes.
"If I got the chance to change things I would in a second." I lie, something to make this easier.
"Don't lie Brooke, we both know that you would do the same thing." She raises her hand to stop me from denying that I lied. "I know you, and you lied just then, but I understand you felt it as needed. You want me to get back to the way I was back then." She pauses again I simply nod. I have no words right now. "Even in your darkest of times you had that good in you, holding you back. I didn't have that; you knew it, you used that… exploited it to your advantage. I don't know if I will ever get back to what I was, I'm not even sure if I want to go back to what I once was. This being human thing is a whole lot better than being hated by everyone, as you have found out…" I look up and meet her in the eyes, letting her know that she is right about everything. "You broke me Brooke, my spirit was broken by you, but I still love you and so I forgive you because you asked. It is because of the love I have for you that I also know… I know that I will never want to be in a relationship with you. Sam somehow worked her magic and your heart is hers… we both know that I will never want to knowingly be second fiddle to Samantha McPherson." She smirks, and there is now a small spark back in her eyes. "I guess now would be the best time to tell you…" She lingers here, not exactly wanting to tell me.
"Tell me anything you want Nic… I can take it, we both know I deserve whatever you have to say."
"This isn't a bad thing Brookie." She smiles, this is good… very good. "I have found my own Sam. I've been meaning to tell you for a while now, but well…"
"I understand." Then a second later what Nic has said sinks in and… "Oh Nic! Yay for you! Who is she? Do I know her? It is so good to hear that you've found…" I pause, realizing that I just admitted to her my feelings for Sam. "I just got caught didn't I?" Nicole just smiles at me, and I can do nothing but smile back shaking my head. "You know me better than I do, but you know that." Nic lets out a quick laugh.
"I guess I do, and its ok. I've come to deal with your reaction to Sam as well, it had to be something huge to have you completely ignore everything that had to do with her." She softly lets another laugh out. "I just wish I had seen it sooner."
"I really am sorry." I don't know why, but I just felt like I had to apologize again.
"Will you quit with that? You can only be forgiven for a certain thing once." I blush, this conversation has brought some strength back to Nic, that and whomever her 'sam' is.
"Ok ok… sheesh!" I say with a grin. "So who is this woman of yours?"
"I never said woman…" She winks. "Yeah, right… like I could go back to men after how you handled me in the sack?" I blush again. "You shouldn't blush you animal you." Nic winks, yes… I think she is on her way to becoming her old self all right. "Actually, its someone you know." She pauses to cause even more tension in my body. "Lily."
"Sam's Lily?" She flinches at that statement. "Oh God. I didn't mean it that way… I meant…"
"No its ok… but it's Nic's Lily now ok?" I nod my head, feeling horrible again.
"Wow! How is Lily? I haven't seen her in…" I try to think of how long it's been, but I realize I would have to remember Sam and stop. "Well, it's been years." Nicole simply shakes her head with a soft smile.
"You are allowed to think of her you know… to miss her." No, I don't want to be hearing this, especially from Nic. I suddenly feel dizzy. I take a wobbly step forward.
"I… I think I need to sit down." Nic is immediately up out of my seat and by my side, steadying me. "Thanks." She walks me to my chair, and helps me into it.
"Wow, your reaction to her is almost as bad as mine was."
"Yeah… well..." Is about all I can manage. I suddenly find the arm of my chair quite interesting.
"I know, I'm not supposed to be the one saying this. But maybe you need to find her, and try to work things out… the worst that can happen is you get over her."
That would be a fate worth than death to me, I might not want to think about her but I would be completely lost if I let go. I want to tell Nic this, but I know it wouldn't make sense to her, so I simply reply: "I wouldn't even know where to begin looking…" I rub my eyes trying to alleviate the pain in my head from thinking of Sam. "Why did you have to bring her up?" I say looking at her with a touch of venom in my glare.
"Because… I want to see you happy, and she made you happy. As much as I don't want to acknowledge the fact, she made you happier than I ever could." Its true, Nic tried her hardest but the way she made me feel was nothing compared to the middle of one of Sam and I's fights… and that was when I couldn't get far enough away from Sam. I look at Nic, who is looking at me with nothing but compassion, and reply in a whisper…
"Thanks Nic… for staying around." I give a glimpse of a smile to her, then continue in a stronger voice, "Now don't bring Sammy up again." I stop with shock, I just called her Sammy, and I haven't done that since… well since we were dating. Nicole recognizes what I did and simply says:
"Hey why don't you join Lily and I for dinner tomorrow night? I promise you wont feel like the third wheel. We'll talk, catch up… ignore Sam." She finishes with a smirk, and I can't help but want to go. I haven't been out with other people in the longest time.
"You know what, sure. As long as you really do want me there, and aren't just pitying me."
"Not pity… no room for that in my head." She starts to leave the room and turns on the radio. "Here listen to this, it's a good show." Then she is gone.
I turn in my chair, and get lost in the sight that I found Nic admiring when I first walked in. Once you get past the smog, it really is a beautiful sight to behold.
Well this is going to be really short...I pulled a Sam (slightly) we seem to like being in auto accidents, I rolled my car a couple times on Friday so I haven't been in the fic writing mood... that and I'm too busy looking for a cheap car since mine was totalled. :rolleyes: I tell you, they need to make rubber cars, so they can bounce back to their original form. ;) Oh and before anyone gets worried, I'm fine. Just a little sore, couple bruises and cuts... nothing as bad as Aeryn would describe for Sam. ;) Though emotinally I feel like Sam in Strange Roads. LOL OMG I need to get out more, life is not supposed to imitate Fiction. LOL Or else Carly should be on my doorstep any day now... :angel:
There was this one time when Sam just got her dream car, a ’65 Mustang Convertible, and she decided to take me on a drive on Mulholland Drive. It was the most exhilarating rides of my whole life, Sam gunned the car as fast as it could on the straights and did some major breaking for the precarious turns. I would have feared for my life if I were with anyone but her, we were so close to flying off the road many times, but I was relaxed and enjoying the hell out of the ride because I was with my Sammy. Once we got to the top, we just sat and watched the sunset, and then we talked the whole night away and watched the sunrise. I would love to be able to do that again sometime. To not have a care in the world because I was with someone who loved me as unconditionally as I loved her…
I get taken out of my thoughts by a familiar voice talking on the radio…
“… And that’s why you never want to have an argument with a cheerleader while she’s in uniform.”
Then the caller spoke up.
“You’re saying that no matter the circumstance, the cheerleader will always win?”
“Yup, the outfit is like Superman’s outfit. When its on, they can do no wrong… you have no chance when the outfit is on. Besides, once she starts getting all worked up and starts adding movement to her actions… you can’t help but get distracted.”
“So, I should wait till she’s not wearing her outfit?”
“Let me think about this.” The radio voice says, not hiding the sarcasm in her voice. “Yes, wait till the outfit is off and she is in sweats… but make sure the argument isn’t something stupid. Now, go and play with her pomp pomp’s. This is DJ Peachy Keen helping you out with the love scene, we’ll be back to take more calls after these brief messages… Handcuffs not working?”
I zone out, the announcer sounds so much like the girl in the coffee shop. I wonder if she is the same woman. The voice is such a honey soft, beautiful voice that I can understand how it would have its own radio program.
“I’m back, but only to give you fine listeners some music to listen to. So listen, listen good and pay attention to the lyrics, and hopefully I won’t have to do my job anymore…”
“Ain’t no sunshine when she’s gone”
With those opening words I am transported back to the months after Sam left. When I wasn’t at work I was in my apartment, with no lights on or coming into it. I wanted to be surrounded by the dark, it suited my mood… it reminded me of who I had become.
“its not warm when she’s away”
Nicole stopped by the apartment two weeks after mine and Sam’s breakup. When she saw how I had been living, she bitched me into consciousness, and helped me to forget Sam ever existed. Nicole had woken me up, but I went into a drunken stupor for about a week, sleeping with anyone who resembled Sam in anyway.
“Only darkness everyday.”
I never really ever broke out of the depression caused inside me by Sam, which is why I don’t like remembering her. Nicole did somehow make me feel a bit better while I was with her, she didn’t want to bring Sam up as much as I did, and it worked. The problem never really went away though. I am awoken out of my stupor by a ringing of my phone.
“Coca girl?” *sigh* I love her voice, and I’ve only heard it once before… unless she is the woman from the radio.
“That would be me.” I laugh out. “You wouldn’t happen to be DJ Peachy Keen would you?”
“Oh my God you were listening to that?” I muster a small smile at me actually being right about my instincts.
“A friend turned it on for me, today was my first time.”
“You didn’t listen to the chocolate sauce part did you?” She said with a little panic in her voice. I simply laughed.
“Chocolate sauce? Darn and I missed it! I came in on the cheerleader opinion.”
“Was that guy dumb or what?”
“He was a bit slow, I mean no one should argue with a cheerleader, we’re always right.”
“Ah, so you were a cheerleader then.”
“Yes I was. Captain in fact.”
“Oh no… I have my hands full.”
“Not yet…” I pause, I didn’t mean to make that innuendo, it’s just been so long. “I’m glad you called.”
“You didn’t think I would?”
“Well… I wasn’t positive, I mean who wants to call a Harry Potter fan?” I giggle.
“Oh yeah, that and you’re a cheerleader… I suddenly have to go.” She pauses. “Just kidding.” I laugh again.
Then Nicole walks into my office and stops when she sees an actual smile on my face.
“Hey can you hold on a sec?” I say into the phone and signal Nicole to wait.
“Yeah sure.” Upon hearing this I put the phone to my chest and ask Nic.
“Hey… would you mind if I brought someone to dinner tomorrow night? Or did you want it to just be me you and Lily?”
Nic looks a little surprised by the prospect of me bringing someone anywhere. “Sure Brooke. I’ll just tell Lily.” She smiles and leaves the office before I find out why she came in the first place. I put the phone to my ear again and talk.
“I’m back. Hey you want to do something tomorrow night?” Yeah, I’m forward; its how I got what I thought I wanted… and it should work here as well.
“Well… I had plans, but I suppose I can reschedule. What do you suggest?”
“It would be like a double date… my friends are dating and invited me along and I’m inviting you along, should be nice… should be peachy.” I say with some menace in my voice.
“Oh funny, are you mocking my radio name?”
“Not in the slightest, I enjoy the imagery of peaches actually.”
“Oh ok then. I shall join you then.”
Why am I so happy? I didn’t even feel this good when I got back with Nic… but then Nic was replacing Sam. Damnit, there she is again. Why can’t I get away from my memories of Samantha? I realize that my own personal DJ is talking to me.
“…Or does it taste better with Hershey’s syrup?”
“What were you saying? I dazed out there… sorry.”
“I was asking which type of hot coca you like better, the powder or the syrup?”
“Oh, the powder I suppose… the syrup is a bit too bitter for my likes. If I wanted bitter I’d drink coffee.” She responds with a laugh.
“Good concept. I’m more of an apple cider girl.”
Sam liked apple cider too, why does this person have to keep reminding me of Sam. “Oh hey listen I need to go, something just came up. See you tomorrow?”
“Yeah, I’ll call you with the final plans… after my friends tell me.”
“Ok sure, bye.”
“Need your number first.”
“Oh yeah.” She laughs again, her oh so beautiful laugh.
“Yeah.” The number is given to me and she hangs up, and I smile. I have a date. Then the panic sets in, I have a date!
Last night and today went by way too quickly; even my dreams of Sam went by way too fast. I’ve wrestled my way through many tribulations never breaking a sweat, and now I am to go on my first date in five years and I’m about to break out in hives. I have never been on a date with a complete stranger before. I’ve dated 4 ½ people in my life thus far.
Josh I knew through school, Harrison was a fling but I knew him since my child hood, that college guy was a fling as well and nothing really counted as a date with him, Nicole I was best friends with for years, and Sam… well I definitely knew Sam. So here I am attempting to find something to wear for my first real date, and I am a nervous wreck. What the hell do people wear on these things? I am interrupted at my mental breakdown caused by what shirt to wear by the phone.
“Goodbye?” I say, man I’m really stressing over this.
“Try hello hun.” Nic says with a laugh, ahh Nic, I have never been happier to hear from her.
“Oh Nic, thank you.” She laughs again, ok she’s not helping me.
“Brooke, inhale…exhale. It’s just a date.”
“I’ve never been on one before.”
“Excuse me?” Her voice sounds a bit hurt.
“No, I mean, not with someone I didn’t know already.”
“Well Brooke, if you don’t calm down she won’t want to go on one with you again.”
“Gee Nic, that helps.”
“Brooke, we can’t talk long, the reservation is at six, and you’ve got two hours… I know how long it takes you to get ready. I called to help you dress.”
“Uh, huh? Ok.”
“Two words, leather pants.”
“Really?” I am a bit skeptical about this, I’m not as young as I once was, and though I keep my body fit, I’ve never been comfortable in leather pants.
“Yes hun. Your lower half has never looked as good as it does in those leather pants of yours.” I blush, she continues. “You should show off those shoulders of yours as well, so wear that silver-blue top of yours.”
“The spaghetti strap one?”
“Yes hun, you’ve worn it to the office a couple of times. Would look better on me, thank you.” Nic says with a hint of laughter in her voice at what she would have said in high school.
“Are you calling to help or not Nic?” I laugh back.
“Oh yeah, well wear that… you still have those black cowboy boots?”
“I had cowboy boots?”
“Yeah, Samantha gave them to you while we were dating… the first time.” I think back, and remember getting them. It was my 21st birthday and Sam, Nic, and some other friends at the time, took me on a trip to Las Vegas to celebrate. We spent the day on the strip, checking out the various stores along the way. I came across this pair of black kangaroo western style cowboy boots, and absolutely fell in love with them, but before I could even point them out to anyone they had moved on to the next store. To my amazement, later that night while opening my presents, I saw those exact same pair of boots given to me by Sam…
“Wha? Oh sorry Nic, drifted off.”
“I’d say. Now go get dressed you don’t have much time.”
“Alright.” I hang up the phone and attempt to locate those boots.
Five minutes of searching and I locate their dusty box in the back of the closet. I open the box and the memory floods over me. When I opened the box and saw those boots, my jaw dropped and I looked at Sam, it was the first time I saw the love she had for me, but her eyes quickly hid the emotion. I sat there with my mouth gaping, and she smiled her soft Sammy smile, which got my thought process going. I had questioned her on how she knew I wanted them and she simply replied, ‘I saw your reaction to them in the store today, you looked so happy, but then you saw that you had to leave and your face looked so sad… I wanted you to be happy again. Plus you know what I think of cowboy boots.’ She winked then and everyone laughed, except for me, I simply whispered ‘thank you’. I put the boots on right away, and they fit perfectly, those boots were meant to be worn by me. It still amazes me that Sam got my shoe size right, we weren’t all that close back then… we were friends, I went to her with my Nic problems cause she knew Nic from high school, but we, or should I say I, didn’t go out of my way to see her. Yet, she noticed how much I liked the boots, and bought them right away, and knew my shoe size… Nicole still doesn’t know my shoe size. It was then that I started paying more attention to Sam, and wanting to find out as much as I could about the girl. I wore those boots non-stop till Sam and I had our… falling out if you will. I cannot believe that I had forgotten these; they are still in great shape… Sam must have spent a fortune on them.
I break out of my trance of memories and see that I have an hour to get dressed put on make up, fix my hair and get to the restaurant.
“Shit.” I mutter as I start racing around.
OK I promised more today, and I'm keeping true to the promise... I hope you enjoy this installment. ;) *giggle* Dont hate me. Jessica... Its been four days, I want to know if Sam comes out of her fever or not!!! I have this unnatural addiction to Denying the Stars and I'm starting to go through withdrawls... I can't write with withdrawls... I shake too much. ;)
As for the whole feedback issue... I love it, lets me know people are actually reading my stuff... if you hate it tell me, if you like it tell me. Its not too hard to push reply and say 'yay' or 'boo' you'll find that once you get that down the fear of responding subsides. ;) *giggle*
Summary of chapters before: Brooke was a major bitch, used everyone... dated Sam, dated Nicole... broke Nicole. She realized that she needed to turn her life around, helped Nicole get some of her old self back and Brooke has met a woman who has got her thinking of someone who she'd rather not think about....
I get to the restaurant with five minutes to spare, I think it’s a record how quickly I got ready. I’m wearing what Nic suggested plus my old leather motorcycle jacket, something else I found in the back of the closet; Sam gave me it as well. I figured if I was going to wear the boots I might as well wear the jacket, and as soon as I put the jacket on, my nerves immediately went away. It was as if the jacket was a safety blanket, plus it went with my outfit perfectly. I opted for the light make up and lip gloss, and just kept my hair loose and combed to save time. As I looked at the full-length mirror before I left, I actually felt I looked damn good. Now I am waiting outside for my date, I told her we’d walk in together so she would feel more comfortable joining my friends.
I feel a hand touch my shoulder softly, and I smell her soft peach scent before I turn around. At least I know why she goes by DJ Peachy. I turn and see my raven-haired goddess looking so beautiful that I forget to breathe. I can’t help but take every centimeter of her body into my view, I start at her feet which are encased in shimmering royal blue laced 4 inch stiletto sandals, her perfect toes painted with a metallic blue polish. My eyes roam up her perfectly formed tanned calves, which have been accentuated by the heels, to her lean firm tan thighs, which disappear beneath the angled bottom of her royal blue spaghetti strapped dress that fits her in all the right places. The dress carefully grips her waist, and helps to emphasize her breast area. My eyes then get engulfed by the sea of skin exposed on her neck and shoulders, the shoulders leading perfectly into her soft neck, the junction between the two looks so delicious that it takes all of my strength to not lick and nibble it right now. My eyes follow her neck to her beautiful face, which has been lightly touched by makeup. Her eye shadow is a ice blue and has been lightly laid on, and her lips delectableness have been brought out even more by the crimson lipstick. Her hair is back in a ponytail, with a couple tendrils left out to hang. Her cheeks seem flushed as I look her in the eyes and speak.
“You look… simply amazing.” She blushes slightly and smiles, then responds.
“Thank you. You’re… wow.” It is now my time to blush.
“Thanks.” I offer my arm to her, “Shall we?”
“Yeah, we shall.”
We enter the restaurant and I spot Nic and Lily sitting in the back of the restaurant, well I think it’s Lily since I can only see the back of her head and I haven’t seen her in years, and a lot can change in a couple years. I lead my date towards the table, I realize that I still don’t know her name as I am a couple steps from the table, then I hear Nicole’s voice, full of surprise.
“Sam?” To which I see Lily turn and her eyes bulge out.
“Sam?” Is her response. Mine is simply to turn my head and look at my mystery brunette and say…
“Sam.” The last thing I hear before I faint is that honey soft voice full of shock gasp out…
It is that same soft voice that I hear as I am brought out of my unconsciousness.
“Hey Brooke, come on wake up… you don’t want me to get the ice water do you? Come on, please.” I open my eyes at hearing the desperation in her voice, why would she have desperation, I only passed out, its not like I was in a coma… again. She smiles as I focus on her, then there is a flutter in my heart as I realize her hand is grasping mine, the other hand is slightly stroking my face. “Its about time McQueen… I was starting to think you had a relapse.”
“I did not get hit by a car this time, I… its just shock I suppose.” I say as Sam helps me to stand up. I turn to Nic who engulfs me into a hug and says…
“Not the way to start a date Brookie.”
“Yeah, well…” I shrug, its not like there is anything I can say right now. Am I the only one who is awkward about this, besides the fact I just fainted in a restaurant, I find out that I unknowingly brought my ex on a date. I look at Sam and catch her looking at me; she changes her gaze and looks all over the room but her eyes end back on mine, yeah… I’m not the only awkward one here. I can feel the tenseness in Nic as she is lightly supporting me, looking at Lily I beg with my eyes for her to say something and she does.
“Right, well… since we are all here, might as well get reacquainted, have a good dinner, try to enjoy ourselves, and no more passing out.” Lily senses the wariness of this little threesome and continues, “Ok think of it this way, before tonight you two didn’t know who each other was,” Lily points to Sam and I and we nod. “You did not know and yet something about each other drew you in to want to go on a date, so if you can’t get over your past just pretend that its still the unnamed person you just met. Nic, we all know that Brooke can take care of herself; you and I also know that Sam can do the same, and we have each other… so there shouldn’t be any problems with this. So everyone, can we please sit, because people are starting to stare and I am hungry.”
Knowing exactly how feisty the petite Latina can get we sit down.
We sit in silence until the waiter comes to take our orders, I have already killed enough animals with my outfit that I figure one more couldn’t hurt and order the Filet Mingion with garlic mashed potatoes and mixed vegetables, and a small Caesar salad… passing out makes one hungry. Lily gets a Tofu and Vegetable stir-fry, still the ever-present vegetarian, Nic orders the shrimp scampi and a bowl of clam chowder… she has this thing for fish, I never liked the stuff much myself. Sam is the only one whose selection surprises me; she gets the Duck a’la Orange and a garden salad… back when Sam and I were friends, and while we were dating, we would go out to swanky restaurants and I would always try to get her to order the duck, but she never did and always made a comment like ‘I don’t want to eat Donald thank you very much’ and now here she is, ordering duck. She notices my confusion over the duck order and breaks the silence that has over taken the table.
“I was really mad at Donald one day… tried it, and you were right, it was delicious.” I smile, and look down not being able to take the warmth directed at me in Sam’s eyes.
“Well, finally McPherson…” I look to Lily and Nic and continue, “You are the witnesses, Samantha McPherson just admitted that I was right about something.” I smile as the table erupts into laughter, the mood has suddenly been brought back to the comfortable level we once had so many years ago, and it lasts for a while.
When our entrees are finished and the three cheesecakes and a fruit salad are ordered for desert, the serious tone returns… there is only so far one can go with small talk, and it is I who kills the light mood, because its what I have done so many times before in my life.
“I have to ask Sam, what brought you back to California after all this time?” Nicole chokes on her water, and Sam looks pointedly at her, and Lily slightly moves away from sitting next to me. Which causes me to ask, “What is going on?” I look to Nic and ask, “What hasn’t been told to me?” Nicole looks at me with fear in her eyes and says…
“She’s been back for three years Brooke.” I choke on the breath I was taking; she’s been back for three years. The possessor of my heart has been in my town for three years and I didn’t know about it.
“She, what?” I look to Sam in confusion, as my heart feels as if it’s being ripped out again. She was here for three years and I never knew, she didn’t want me back… I never knew that a pain like this existed. I bite my lip and close my eyes to regain my composure, I don’t want to cry but I can’t let the bitch out either… I need to know why. Sam speaks, her soft sweet voice like acid to my heart.
“I’ve been here for three years… I told them not to tell you, and its not like you wanted to acknowledge my existence after the way… well, with they way things ended between us.”
Breathe Brooke, oxygen is a good thing, fainting in your cheesecake is a bad thing. I feel like giving a waiter a big fat kiss for bringing the cheesecake when he did, but that would have just made this all awkward, and I am notone who wants to be some aspiring actors wet dream. I dig into the cheesecake and blatantly disregard the conversation that had been transpiring by saying…
“Mmm this cheesecake is simply sinful.” Nicole and Lily shrug it off, not wanting to be a part of the drama. Sam however, is Sam, and slams down her fork.
“Damnit Brooke, we need to talk about this. Can we please go somewhere private?”
No, I want to tell her, I am just fine enjoying my comfort cheesecake, I mean to say but I make the mistake of looking into Samantha’s emotion filled eyes. Flames of anger frustration, and hurt have filled those pools of chocolate, and I cannot help but answer her by saying…
“Fine” I sigh then continue, “But if you are planning on killing me, there are two witnesses to think about.” At Nic’s hand on my arm I stop my joking and continue, “Alright, lets go.” I pull out enough money to cover our meal and hand it to Nic, I notice Sam’s shock at me paying for her. “What? You are my date after all.” I say as I stand up and start walking out of the restaurant.
I walk through the doors and start heading to my car when Sam's hand takes hold of mine and my body can do nothing but stop and turn around, I look her in the eyes and she says.
“We don’t have to do this, it is up to you… we can each go our separate ways and never speak to each other again, or we can go somewhere and hash everything out and attempt to come out of it with some semblance of a relationship, friendship or not… but the choice is entirely up to you Brooke.”
What? Im posting more? No way! Bet y'all thought I forgot about it huh? ;) LOL Blame Carla for it taking so long... :D I'm tired and sick... so no more dilly dallying.
Feedback: So Nuff!
Disclaimer: There is no profit gained from this story.
Summary: Brooke bitch, but not anymore, trying to turn life around. Nicole has been broken by Brooke but is a normal human now, dating Lily. Sam wasnt Sam but she was Sam all along. <Whaaa?> Yeah exactly, go read the other sections cheerleader. <But I'm playing with Brooke...> Later then. <Ok> LETS ROCK!!!! ;)
“I don’t know what I want right now Sam. Honestly, this is just way too big of a shock right now and I’m having some trouble figuring out what is going on, why Nicole lied to me to keep a promise to you… and why I never realized it was you in the first place…” Somewhere in the middle of my speaking I began to pace, trying to sort through all the things that have just been unloaded upon me, I get so distracted that the point of my boot gets stuck in a hole and I trip and fall. But Sam is quick, and is able to catch me before I land on my face… instead I land on her chest, her arms softly enveloping my body securing me from gravity. I look into her eyes, and get lost again in all the emotions there; I stay in her arms for a couple minutes before I realize my predicament.
Pulling away from Sam, I feel a sharp sting of pain in my ankle and fall back onto the unsuspecting Sam.
“You’re hurt?” She says worriedly.
“Just slightly but I’m fine.” I reply, as I attempt to stand up again, but my ankle disallows it, but I try to hide the fact from Sam by putting my weight on the other foot… she notices.
“You’re hurt.” Its now a statement said with a bit of anger but mainly worry, “Good thing I didn’t drive… where’s your car.”
“Over there” I point to the general vicinity and comment to her statement as she wraps my arm around her for support, “you didn’t drive?”
“Honestly Brooke, out of the things you should be worried about you comment on the unimportant aspect…” Sam replies exasperated, then continues, “ No I didn’t drive, I had the company driver drive me, knowing that parking would be an issue, and because I had really hit it off with you and didn’t plan on going home tonight… but things have changed haven’t they?”
“Not everything… I’ve obviously still got my groove on.” I say, trying to make light of this awfully awkward situation. We get to my car and she quietly helps me into the passenger side, making sure my ankle is safe she closes the door and proceeds to get in on the other side. Sam starts the car and starts driving, and finally speaks…
“Where do you live Brooke? I need directions.”
OK well, that wasn’t what I was expecting to hear, but then I don’t know what I was really expecting. “Malibu, I’ll point it out once we get there.”
And the conversation has stopped again, the silence is an awkward one, but I quickly lose myself in thought. Being a passenger in your own car is a surreal experience; you are used to being the one driving, and think that the passenger has got it easy. All the passenger has to do is sit and watch the passing scenery; they can enjoy the luxury of the luxury car, they can relax. But once you become the passenger of your own car, you realize you’d much rather be driving because being the passenger means you don’t have the control. I don’t like not being in control, especially when it comes to matters with Samantha. How did this happen? How did I end up in love with her again, more importantly… how did I think I could be in love with anyone but her?
I look over at Sam’s silhouette, and realize that her features are pretty much the same, but the years have elongated her face slightly, made it to appear thinner. Her hair has thinned slightly, but is still thick and wild… as if anything on her could ever be tamed. I watch the tendrils dancing around wildly in the wind; Sam must have removed her hair from the ponytail somewhere in my trance. This just reminds me again of our many trips to Mulholland, except we are in the Mountains of Malibu, and we aren’t involved. I sigh and look out to see where we are, and I realize that we are pulling into my driveway… I must have been giving directions and not know it, my thoughts can pull me in pretty deep.
The car stops and Sam is out and to my side in mere seconds, helping me out and letting me lean on her for support. It’s amazing to think that the basics of Sam haven’t changed, but from looking at her I can also tell that something definitely did change. I hear Sam gasp as we step inside my house, which causes me to attempt a conversation again…
“Nothing, its just… its exactly what I pictured back then, when you would talk about your aspirations and where you wanted to be.” She turns and looks into my eyes, “I always imagined that we’d be in a house that looked exactly like this…” Sam looks down as she finishes the sentence, “It’s just weird to see your dreams in real life, especially when you aren’t in them.” She finishes and I want to tell her that she can be a part of it, that she still is, and always has been… but the fact that she lied to me to for three years, and prior to that she ripped my heart out, holds me back. I don’t know exactly how to respond, so I don’t and we fall silent yet again.
She sets me down on the couch and goes about resting my ankle on a pillow and getting some ice. Placing the wrapped coldness onto my ankle I let out a slow hiss, causing her to look at me concerned.
“Just cold… not pain.” I say to her, pacifying her worries. Sam then goes about trying to bring the things that I might need near me.
“Thirsty?” She asks.
“Isn’t that supposed to be my job, the hostess?” Was my only reply, but she fills me a glass of apple juice nonetheless… I can’t help but watch her, and her nervous energy, as she swiftly moves about my house, amazingly knowing where everything is placed. I look at her, watching her, and I still don’t recognize her face, I can’t pinpoint what about it is different though.
Sam carries herself differently now as well. Her movements, once sharp and well thought out, are now flowing and free… she seems to float about the room. She is now fidgeting with the ornaments on my mantle.
“Will you sit?!” She jumps at the sound of my voice breaking the silence between us Sam sits down and looks at me, not knowing what to do… I attempt to start a conversation.
“Why don’t I recognize you?”
“I finished maturing?” She tries, not wanting to explain.
“Sam, please, I worshipped every inch and crevice of your skin. I should be able to recognize you if it was just maturing.” She slightly blushes at the intimacy of my words, she always had a problem with receiving compliments. Sam quickly licks, then bites, her lower lip like she always used to do when thinking.
“I had braces…” She had braces? Why the hell did she have braces? Her teeth were perfectly straight to begin with. I’d ask her those questions but I need the first one answered first. “Which ended up messing up my jaw slightly, but enough that I had to have surgery… they kept me looking the same as they possibly could.”
Shock… that would be a good word to explain what I am feeling right now, all that pain she went through… but why?
“But why did you get braces Sam?” I would have continued with saying how perfect her mouth was, but that probably would have caused her more pain… and even though I feel betrayed by her I don’t want her in pain.
“They told me to,” She says with so bitterness in her voice as she fidgets with the edge of her dress. Sam then looks me in the eyes and continues, “I wasn’t perfect enough for them… the network executives all agreed that I looked good enough to draw in viewers, but they weren’t satisfied with that… and it didn’t help that having braces was the ‘in’ thing at the time. I thought it was what I wanted… You know how I was back then, willing to give anything up so I could be this hotshot reporter. I was already stupid enough to give you up… braces seemed like the simple solution, my teeth were already straight, so I knew I wouldn’t need them long. I was right, within six months they were off and I had my surgery.”
I try to get up to hug her, but the position she put me in makes it impossible to move, I motion for her to come to me… and she does. I pull her down into a hug, and I am slightly surprised that she is hugging me back.
“I’m sorry you had to go through that… stupid people with power, I tell you.” This gets Sam to laugh, but it doesn’t last long when I continue speaking. “You’ve been here for three years Sam.” She pulls away from the hug, but remains sitting on the couch, next to me.
“Oh that… Well, the first year I was there was spent trying to prove how worthy I was to be given my own show, and making it ready for production. Mainly spent ignoring the mistake that drove me there.
“The first part of the second year, everything was going good, the show was picked up and we were doing lots of tests… when the executives decided that I should get braces. Which took out the rest of the year and half of the next.
“By then I hated my job, but I stayed for the money. I hated what I was doing, I wasn’t happy, New York wasn’t agreeing with me, and the money wasn’t worth the struggle or pain. An offer came up through the company I was working for. It was for a position at a newly purchased radio station out here. Well I jumped at the chance and was able to convince the execs to let me keep my salary the same. I formed it into my own little talk show, which is now the most listened to radio show in Southern California… getting new people everyday, as was proven by you yesterday.” Sam looks at me with her signature smirk, one that is both annoying and endearing.
“I still wouldn’t have heard it if it weren’t for Nic putting the station on.” I remind her.
“She calls in from time to time, really spices the show up… sometimes its like we are back in high school.”
“How long has she known?” I need to know these answers for some reason; either personal torture or I don’t want any doubts about what went on.
Only a few of y'all know whats going to happen in this section... I wasnt going to do it, but Aeryn and Love asked nicely... if you dont like it BLAME THEM... Aeryn especially. ;) Now enjoy....
...oh and feedback wouldnt hurt peeps...
“Pretty much all three years that I’ve been here.” She sees me, mouth hanging open eyes blinking; all thoughts ceased in my head, and continues talking. “I ran into her on accident really… much like us in the coffee shop, she looked familiar so I talked to her for a bit, a really pleasant conversation when it dawned on me that it was her. We dealt with our anger and jealousy and came to see that when we put away our petty ideals, we made pretty good friends. I helped her get over you, and then reintroduced her to Lily. They hit it off so well it was amazing… This is going to sound harsh but it’s meant in a good way, if it weren’t for you, Nicole would still be a self obsessed bitch. But now, she’s the best friend anyone could have.”
I have to interject to this. “Ok. Now I know I am in some alternate universe.”
Sam just laughed. “You’re not… don’t tell me you’ve never realized how great of a friend Nicole is.”
“Of course I know… why else do you think I kept her around… oh god, that didn’t come out the way I wanted it to.” I look down and blush. “I mean… in High School, I was able to see the human in her… why else would I have dated her? I just… I wish I never treated her the way I did.”
We sit in silence yet again, not sure on where to go from where we now were. One question was left unanswered, but I feel like a hypocrite for wanting to ask…I do anyways.
“Three years you were here, and not once did you ever come in contact with me… why?”
“First, I would like to point out that you never were in contact with me as well. Secondly, Nicole told me of how you were perfectly fine ignoring the fact that I ever existed… who was I to make you remember?” Sam pauses for a moment and just sits, staring at me, and then she continues talking. “But mainly, I didn’t want to cause you anymore pain. I always felt that I was more of a hindrance than a help to you… if I were to have gotten into contact with you again you would have had to remember the pain of our breakup… and I didn’t want that for you… I still don’t.”
“So you didn’t talk or try to get in touch with me because you were worried about hurting me?” I ask in an incredulous voice. All of the walls I had up have shattered because of her honesty… all except one, and that one is slowly dissolving as her hand is holding mine… softly caressing the back of my hand with her thumb sliding in circles.
“Well at first it was pride. I sometimes let that get the best of me, but I was in pain as well. Many a night, back in New York, I spent wanting to call you and bitch you out… especially when I found out you were dating Nicole again. Bt the anger subsided and soon got replaced by the loneliness and I wished I could call you just to have a familiar voice. But you were dating Nic, your supposed soul mate. Who was I to break that up… or even intrude upon it?” Suddenly there is this odd look on Sam’s face, she looks down at my ankle and her eyes bulge out. I look as well, and it seems that my ice has melted and gotten on my black leather couch. Sam is immediately up and attempting to clean the mess.
I have this overwhelming need to forgive her and to try to forget what happened in our past. But there’s a part of me that doesn’t want to… it thinks the grudge should be held. After all… she left me for more money and a job.
Sam comes back into the room after cleaning the mess up, and starts speaking.
“It’s getting late, we should work on getting you to bed.” I raise an eyebrow at this.
“Why Miss McPherson… are you propositioning me?” Sam licks her lips as she thinks of an answer.
“First off, you know from experience that I wouldn’t tell you I was trying to… takes all the fun out of it Secondly, no I wasn’t trying to. You have an injured ankle and I’m guessing your room is upstairs…” I nod, and then she continues. “It’s only a proposition if you want it to be.”
Lust flashes in Sam’s eyes, and I am reminded of the numerous amounts of times that I have seen the same flash.
Especially this one time when Sam and I attended a Pool party thrown by some frat, neither one of us really wanted to be there, not being big on drunk people and all, so we ended up in the pool.
Surprisingly enough, there were no people actually in the pool except for Sam and me… but then it was a frat pool party…
“Hey Sammy, you look so sexy in that bikini you’ve got on…” I said as I traced the outline of the barely there crimson top with my finger, I was enthralled with the contrast between the top and her skin. The top was coarse compared to the milky soft skin of hers, the crimson was far too bright when compared to the dark tan of her skin, and the top absorbed the water while little beads of water formed on her skin… begging to be licked up. It didn’t matter that it was pool water, it could have been anything at the moment and I wouldn’t have cared… I leant over and licked some of the drops off of her skin, running my tongue along the edge of the crimson top, slipping my tongue between the abrasive material and her skin. When I pulled back up her eyes were filled with lust, arousal, and love, I smiled. “But I can’t help but want it off of you.” I said before I swam away, slowly dragging my fingers across her skin as I did. I didn’t get far though, Sam being the far better swimmer had caught up to me in the deep end.
She swam underwater to me, and when she caught up she simply grazed her hand up my leg, and cupped the juncture at the top… sliding a finger between my bikini bottom and my lower lips she traced their outline, as she licked her way up my stomach. Once her mouth reached the valley between my breasts, she unclasped my front clasp bikini with the skillful mouth of hers, she then came up for air, still running her finger over my lips, and adding one more finger for good measure. Sam locked her eyes with mine as she caught her breath, her eyes portraying how much she loved me and how much she wanted me… I was having the hardest time treading water with her fingers doing what they were doing, and I let out a little gasp as Sam placed her other hand on my back.
I thought that she was doing so just keep me a float, but I found out the real reason as she brought her lips to mine in a soul-searing kiss. She put everything she felt into that kiss, all of her kisses in fact, and I returned them all at the same intensity. She licked against my bottom lip for access, slightly grazing it with her teeth. I granted Sam the access, I would have to be a fool to say no to that tongue. Her two fingers entered me at the same time as her tongue, both moving at the same pace. It was feverish and frenzied, and when she pulled her mouth away, she kept her fingers moving, but now at a languid pace. I let out a moan of discontentment, as discontent as one can be when being made love to by the sexiest woman in the world, Sam smiled, licked her lips, and then spoke while slowly moving us to the edge of the pool.
“I don’t know Brooke, your bikini looks way better off than on.” She let her eyes move down to look at my breasts floating freely in the water… my back hit the wall, she licked her lips, her fingers quickened their pace, her hips started grinding against mine, our legs tangled, her arm on the wall holding us up… she spoke again, whispering into my ear with jagged breaths. “You look good enough to eat.”
Sam then proceeded to lick the outer rim of my ear, and quickened the pace of our lower body. We were one as she licked, nibbled and sucked her way down my neck to my breasts taking in one of my diamond hard nubs into her mouth… I came at first contact, my body convulsed as I stifled my moan into her shoulder as I bit down into it.
She made me cum two more times before she was done ravaging me in that pool, and as we got out of the pool and walked towards the exit, we were treated to a standing ovation. Sam and I looked at each other, laughed, and took our bows. She couldn’t use her left arm for three weeks I bit into it so hard…
I look at her left shoulder in that spaghetti strapped dress of hers and I see the scar is still there, and that she is slightly running her fingers over it.
I can feel my face flush as I realize we were thinking about the same thing, and I want it to be a proposition so bad… but I can’t, not tonight. I’ve been through too much in these seven years, and tonight… I just need to think. I simply bite my lip and look at her standing there. We stare at each other for a moment silently communicating, she nods, then moves to me.
“Maybe someday.” She says while helping me up. I wrap my arm around her as we start moving up the stairs.
“Maybe.” I say with a smile.
Breaking the Noir - Final
A/N: This section is for Paul... cause well I'll explain why if he asks me. LOL I can feel my face flush as I realize we were thinking about the same thing, and I want it to be a proposition so bad… but I can’t, not tonight. I’ve been through too much in these seven years, and tonight… I just need to think. I simply bite my lip and look at her standing there. We stare at each other for a moment silently communicating, she nods, then moves to me.
End of Noir...
“Maybe someday.” She says while helping me up. I wrap my arm around her as we start moving up the stairs.
“Maybe.” I say with a smile. Then I realize something, I didn’t change looks wise in these 7 years. How come she didn’t recognize me? “Sam, you didn’t recognize me.” Her body stills and stiffens, and I sit back down. This is going to be a bitch.
“I did.” She says simply, as if that makes this situation better.
“And…” I try to prompt her as I start to feel my anger to rise.
“Damn it Brooke couldn’t we just let it be?” I shake my head no; she’s put me through too much. “Fine then, that first day in the coffee shop, I recognized you. So, I asked Nicole if it’s a place you frequent and she said yes. I went the next day, just wanting to see you again. You started about the book, and I wanted so to tell you it was me, but I didn’t want you to kill me in such a public place… eye witnesses and all. As soon as I left the shop I called Nic and let her know I saw you and wanted to know what she thought.
“Nic then told me how you tried to kill yourself last year, we’ll talk about that later, and how ever since then you have been trying to be “Mother Theresa”. Those were Nic’s words, she thought I should make an attempt.
“Then she called me back, during a commercial break because I was at work, and she told me that you might have some feeling left for me. So, I called you after the show… I don’t think Nic fully realized that I was the one you were planning on bringing to dinner. Now we are having this conversation, and you’re angry with me.” And she is right; I am pissed off at her… and Nicole.
“So I was some sort of game then?” How many times am I going to be betrayed by my friends?
“Do you honestly believe that this isn’t real Brooke? Because it is… I know it’s selfish but I’m in love with you, still after all of these years. Its not like I was stalking you.”
“I swear… this night alone is enough to send me into bitchdom for good. Sam, I need you to leave… not for good, yet. But I need you to go so I can sleep, and think. I’ll call you when I’ve made my decision.”
Sam merely nods and turns and leaves. I just lie down and go to sleep.
I awake to that damn sun again, invading my room, forcing its rays of light upon me, unbidden. I hate the sun can’t it rain sometimes? Southern California would be perfect if it rained… when it does rain here it’s quite amusing. People run around like chickens with their heads cut off, going ‘why is water falling from the sky? Is this the end of the world?’ I like to just sit and watch, and laugh at them.
Sam was the one to clue me into that, people not knowing what rain is. I used to curse the rain, then one day during one of L.A.’s freak rainstorms, I found her.
She was sitting on a bench in the middle of the UCLA campus, getting drenched, smiling and laughing to herself. I looked at her, then to my drenched outfit and hair, shrugged and went to sit with her.
“What the hell are you doing McPherson?” I said as I sat down next to her.
“Being amused.” She said simply, as if it explained everything, I was lost.
“Huh?” I questioned her.
“Quit thinking Queenie. Just sit, feel each individual drop as it hits you, smell that crisp fresh smell that only rain can bring, and watch them. Watch those people out there who have no idea what rain is; watch as they try to go about their daily business trying not to notice the rain. They all go about trying to ignore it, or avoid it, but no one can ignore the rain, nor can anyone avoid it. These people go around trying to ignore what is possibly the only pure thing in Los Angeles. They all look like chickens with their heads cut off, and I cannot help but be amused.”
I think that was the first time I got to see the inner workings of Sam’s mind. I say and watched the people for a bit, seeing how Sam was right, but I got tired with that and chose to watch Sam instead. We sat there, in the rain with our clothes soaked, for three hours our classes were forgotten that day. Sometime between the second and third hour is where I realized that I truly loved Sam.
I remember sitting there in amazement over what Sam had said, then how I just studied the features of her face and put them into memory, then came the realization. Only Sam could get me to see a completely different side to things without making me feel threatened, it is only she who could change me without ever trying. Now that I think of it, it is only Sam who could get me to sit in the pouring rain for three hours and not once did I wonder about how I looked to anyone else.
Once again I find that my autopilot has gotten me to my office. I enter my office to find Nicole yet again sitting in my chair observing the skyline.
“Nic, what are you doing here? It’s a Saturday.” I say, and she jumps out of the chair slightly.
“I could ask you the same thing Brookie, but we both know we are here because of the same reason.” She says as she turns the chair towards me, connecting her eyes with mine.
“Sam.” I say and sit down, and then I continue speaking. “She is still haunting me everywhere I go, except now she’s real… how am I supposed to forgive her and take her back? After everything… and you, you knew all this time and didn’t say a thing! Did I really hurt you that much? Well I did, and I deserved it from you, but you still brought her to me.” I pause for a second then I raise my head to look her in the eyes and say, “What am I supposed to do?”
“Brooke, you know you’ve already forgiven her. That’s what happens when you love someone. It’s how you forgave me in high school, how I forgave you for what you did to me, and how Sam forgave you. In love everything is forgiven hun, that’s why love hurts. We are all willing to forgive over and over again in the name of love. No, forgiveness isn’t your problem… its your pride.” I look down at this, knowing she’s right.
“You need to get over your pride princess, this is Sam. You and I both know you want her, and I know she has wanted you since you first met in high school.” My head snaps up at this.
“What?” I say, there is no possible way she’s loved me this long.
“Don’t tell me you never knew…” She looks at my shocked expression and gets a lost look for a moment, which gets quickly replaced by compassion. Nicole then continues speaking, “It was so obvious back then, though there wasn’t proof. I asked her a couple years ago, when she got back here, when she first fell in love with you… Sam told me that there wasn’t a moment that she didn’t love you. I mentioned it to Lily,” I see that Nicole’s eyes have begun to water, and then I realize that I am drying. Do I even need to know what Lily had to say? Probably. Nicole continues.
“Lily told me that every night, during our high school years, Sam cried herself to sleep. Lily was the only one Sam told, its one of the main reasons why Lily hated us so much back then. Lily told me Sam cried because she was so in love, and knew that she had no chance, and this was before she knew you wanted me. Before you knew you were gay…” I can tell there is more to the story but she doesn’t want to go on, and even if she wanted to I don’t think I could handle it.
“How can she still…”Sam never ceases to bewilder me, I try my sentence again. “Is love that strong?”
“Yours is.” Nicole says simply as she leaves the room leaving me to think about a decision that could mean everything.
I walk over to my window; the one Nic was looking out of earlier, and I look over the city. It really isn’t too beautiful during the day and I can barely make out the ocean from here, but it helps make me feel small… like my problems are so tiny compared to the vastness of the world. I attempt to figure out what to do, its so hard when you already know what you want, but are trying to tell yourself that you want the other. Why is it so hard to deny the things you want?
I hear some hushed voices out in the hallway. Who the hell comes to work on the weekend… besides people who are trying to avoid things? I walk to my door and look out into the hallway, and there is Sam talking with Nic. Why is she here? It looks like Sam is crying, and Nic is trying to comfort her. Nicole was never comfortable in those situations though, and I debate whether or not to go to Sam and help her pain. I stand here, debating whose pain is more important hers, or mine Sam looks up and sees me, and my decision is made. I slowly start to walk towards her, not because I want to prolong this moment, but because my legs don’t seem to want to cooperate with me. My body is like lead and it’s the hardest thing to keep walking, and it gets harder and harder the closer I get to Sam.
I finally reach her and open up my arms, and she enters them holding on to me like I was a tree keeping her from falling off a cliff. I hold onto her the same, and I feel the pain slip away. This can be good; this could be very good I think as I pull away from her slightly, she looks at me with what can only be described as a look of questioning. I simply smile at her, hold her head in my hands, and kiss her… softly and sweetly, promising that the future will be better for us. We are getting a new beginning, and that with each other there could be no darkness.
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