Title: Everybody’s Fool

Author: Catastrophe

Lyrics: Evanescence

Pairing: F/B reflections Faiths POV songfic

Rating: P.G – implied f/f  possible language

Spoilers/Disclaimers: None, least I don’t think so. Faith and Buffy aren’t mine, no matter how much I like to pretend they are, and this is my first fic so feedback is very much appreciated. Thanks to Joss etc etc for creating them, now I’m going to use and abuse (I’m joking) them!

Feedback: cat666999@hotmail.com

“Perfect by nature,
Icons of self-indulgence
Just what we all need
More lies about a world that

Never was and never will be
Have you no shame don’t you see me
You know you’ve got every body fooled”

The words rang out and hit me in the face like a brick.  I turned around to see who was singing, expecting to see a demon or something, I mean, my slayer tingles were going crazy.  But it was just this girl, Goth looking but kinda cool.  She looked straight through me as she kept singing, it was like she didn’t even see me staring at her.

“Look here she comes now
Bow down and stare in wonder
Oh how we love you
No flaws when you’re pretending
But now I know she

Never was and never will be
You don’t know how you’ve betrayed me
And somehow you’ve got everybody fooled.”

Was she singing about my thoughts or something?  It summed up me and Buffy to a T.  Built for pretty much one thing, slaying, protecting a world that isn’t ready to know we even exist.  That sucked, not being able to show everyday people, unless of course I was saving their ass from a vamp or somthin’. 

“Without the mask where will you hide
Can’t find yourself lost in your lie

I know the truth now
I know who you are
And I don’t love you anymore

It never was and never will be
You’re not real and you can’t save me
Somehow now you’re everybody’s fool.”

Was she ridiculing me?  I mean, I’ll take it from a vamp coz they don’t know better ‘til they’re dust.  But her?  She knew me, and knew that I felt it, knew that I knew who and what she was singin’ about.  But how the hell did she know me?  How did she know how I felt about Buffy?  Living lies that neither of us want to live anymore.  I wanna be free to do my thing, to do what I was built for.  But she. .. she always has this built in stop mechanism, whether it’s to stop her or me I don’t know.  I see it in her eyes that she’s like me, living for the kill, the surge of power when we’re done with the nasties.  But she stops us, me, enjoying the aftermath, trying to make me a better person – or something like that.

The last two lines bounce around in my head.  “You’re not real and you can’t save me, Somehow now you’re everybody’s fool.”  What did that mean?  Was I supposed to save someone?  Had I missed something, or was my good friend Jack just making me look deeper into something that wasn’t there?  It wasn’t like I’d been perfect all my life or anything, everyone knows my history, well the parts of it that are ‘useful’ anyway.  So I’ve been a bad girl here and there – hello, no direction given, what do they expect?

I don’t seem to know anything anymore, just that for as long as Buffy wants me here, I’ll stay, even if being here hurts more than anything I’ve ever done.  Ever watched the person you love be with someone else and not done anything?  Hurts don’t it!  I can’t tell her, I choose not to tell her.  The life I chose years ago, before I was even called, isn’t the life for her.  So who’s the fool now?  Me for loving and not being able to tell her how I feel?  Or her for not realising that she breaks my heart everyday?

“You’re not real and you can’t save me
Somehow now you’re everybody’s fool.”

Yep that’s me, everybody’s fool.