Fandom: Matilda (The Movie)

Title: So Close

Author: Carla

Email: cmfloresfd@yahoo.com

Rating: PG-13

Disclaimers: (1) The great Roald Dhal wrote the book upon which the movie is based.  It is a statement of fact, as true as the earth is round, I don't not own the movie rights.  I believe that honor goes in part to Danny Devito and a bunch of suits at various production companies.

(2) Song lines quoted from The Police and Alanis Morisette are used without permission but much gratitude.

Archiving: All my stuff can be found at http://www.realmoftheshadow.com/carla.htm.

Feedback: Feedback is the stuff that makes the fic world go round so to speak and is always greatly appreciated.  On or off list, either way works for me.

Author's Note(s):  (1) This has to be the slashiest, non-animated children's movie I have seen in years which is disturbing when you consider that the main characters are a six year old and a child-like teacher.   At any rate I've chosen to set this fic in the future when Matilda is 17 and Miss Honey is in her early thirties.

(2) This hasn't been beta-ed so any and all mistakes are mine and mine alone.

(3) Thanks to CA Moore for opening my eyes to the possibilities to be found in the movie.

(4) If you are so inclined, let me know what you think about this fic at cmfloresfd@yahoo.com.

(5) ^^ xyz ^^ indicates thought

(6) // xyz // indicates song lyrics

She was supposed to be correcting test papers not thinking about the girl in the other room.  Except what she had seen in the garden the other day had made it amply clear that the girl had become a young woman. Lost in thought she remained blissfully unaware of the young woman standing in the doorway watching with her hungry eyes.

// Young teacher the subject of schoolgirl fantasies//

"Jennifer could we talk?"

Jennifer Honey looked up to see her charge, Matilda, standing in the doorway to her study.  "Of course" Taking off her glasses she stood and moved towards the leather couch, "Come sit over here."

They sat close but not quite touching and Jennifer waited for Matilda to speak.  The younger woman looked somewhat troubled and very, very nervous.

"Is something wrong Matilda?"

"No. Yes.I mean maybe but not really."

"Has something happened?"

"Nothing's happened.I .I wanted to talk to you about the other day; about." the teen's voice trailed off and she worriedly played with a hangnail on her left index finger.

"About Hannah?" Matilda nodded. "How long have you two"

"Six months or so."

"I see." Jennifer ran a hand through her shoulder length dirty blonde hair and sighed deeply.  Matilda had been her charge since she was in the first grade, a wise and precocious six-year old intelligent and full of life in spite of her hateful home existence. And while Jennifer had known that one day this conversation would be take place she'd hoped that it would be later rather than sooner.  But Matilda was 17, the time was now and the subject was a girl.  A fact which Jennifer thought should have bother her more but didn't.

"So you fancy girls or is it just this one girl?"

Matilda sat quietly and avoided the older woman's eyes.  She ducked her head as Jennifer stroked her cheek in an effort at reassurance.

"Either way it's okay."

"I fancy girl's."

"Have there been others?" Matilda shook her head no. "Have you", Jennifer cleared her throat delicately, "and Hannah been."

"Yes"

"I see"

They sat in silence for some time before Jennifer spoke again, "Why didn't you come to me sooner?"

"I was afraid."

"Of what?" Matilda shrugged and hung her head.  Reaching out Jennifer cupped the teen's chin turning her face so that she could look directly into Matilda's eyes as she spoke. "Look at me, did you think I'd be angry, that I would send you away?  This is your home I would never do that."

"No"

"Then what?"

"I didn't want to disappoint you.  I was afraid I would disappoint you."

"Disappoint me, why would I be disappointed in you?"

"Because I fancy girls."

"So you fancy girls so what.  Matilda you are a lovely young woman.  You're intelligent smart and witty.  You're kind and gentle, a good person and a good friend.  And well the truth is you've grown into a very attractive young lady I can understand what Hannah must see in you.  So how could I be disappointed by any of that?"

"I dunno" Matilda muttered.

"Well it doesn't all right" leaning over she kissed the girl's cheek. "You mustn't ever think that I would be disappointed in "You". Some of your choices maybe but never in "Who" you are, understand?"

"Yes"

"Good", with a pat on Matilda's leg Jennifer made to stand up stopping when she felt slim fingers encircle her wrist.

"Jennifer?"

"Yes"

"Have you ever."

"No"

"Never?"

"When I was at University there was a young man."

"What happened?"

"I loved him.  I thought he loved me.  We dated through the first term.  He wanted to take things to the next level and even though I was unsure I was worried about loosing him more.  We went on holiday together between first and second term."

"What happened?"

"We slept together that first night. The next morning I felt horrible, I hadn't really wanted to you see and I told him so.  Told him that I didn't want to again, at least not for some time. I wasn't ready."

"And?" Matilda prodded.

"And he was rather upset by that.  He called me frigid told me that I was being a child I wasn't that pretty or special enough to wait around for. I was devastated I ran crying from the room and when I came back some time later his bag was gone.  I never heard from him again."

"How horrible."

"Yes...after that, as you might well imagine, I was a little gun shy.  And then you came into my life and all that fell by the wayside."

I'm not in love with Hannah.  I love her I care about her but I know I'm not in love with her."

 "How long have you two been intimate now?"

"A couple of weeks before that we just kissed and messed around some you know."

"Is she in love with you?"

"She says she is."

"Then perhaps you shouldn't be sleeping with her."

"Why not?  I can't have.I can't be with the person I really want anyway.  And I do love her."

"But you said so yourself: You are not in love with her.  And isn't that what its supposed to be about...making love."

"I do love her.  You don't have to be in love with someone to have sex with them, there's nothing wrong with that."

"True if you are both in agreement about what is happening.  But from what you've said Hannah isn't approaching it from the same perspective and that's not fair to her."

"No I suppose not."

"And it's not fair to you either in the end.  You should never settle Matilda.  You are so much more than that."  Jennifer tucked a loose lock of hair behind Matilda's ear noticing for the first time how the teen closed her eyes at Jennifer's touch.  Sliding her arm behind the girl she drew her into a hug.  She thought back over the last few months, the last half year really and smiled to herself over the girl's head tucked into her shoulder.

^^ He starts to shake and cough just like that old man in that book by Nabakov ^^

The line from the old Police song jumped unbidden into Jennifer's head and her heart raced.  She knew she loved Matilda had known she was in love with the younger woman for over a year.  She had never dared to hope that her affections could be returned. 

// I know you depend on me like a young thing would to a guardian
 I know you sexualize me and I think I like it //

And now she knew they could and the knowledge was more painful than even the realization had been.  Because Jennifer Honey was no Woody Allen, no Mary Kay LeTourneau; she's raised Matilda though at age 21 she'd been only a few years older than the teenager in her arms was now when she'd taken her in.  Or perhaps it was the other way around and Matilda had taken her in, not that it mattered either way, nothing could or would happen between them.  Matilda was her ward.

Jennifer was her guardian.

"And never the twain shall meet", Jennifer murmured into Matilda's hair.

"What did you say?" Jennifer was acutely aware of Matilda's lips fluttering over the angle of her jaw as she spoke.

"Hmmm?"

"Just now what did you say?" Soft puffs of air tickled Jennifer's ear and she swallowed convulsively.

"Nothing I was just thinking."

"About?" 

Jennifer marveled at how a single word whispered in a low throaty voice she had never heard Matilda use before could send such chills through her.  She thought about what it would be like to take what the girl so clearly offered.

^^ Don't stand don't stand don't stand so close to me.
Please don't stand so close to me ^^

Gently extricating herself from their embrace Jennifer stood. Looking down at the seated girl she sighed for what couldn't be.

"I was thinking that you should invite Hannah for dinner; perhaps on Saturday.  Then you can take the car and go to the movies my treat."