Fandom: Popular

Title: Reflections

Author: Carla

Email: cmfloresfd@yahoo.com

Rating: PG-13

Pairing: guess?...come on y'all know you're afraid I might spring another unconventional pairing on you... LOL

Disclaimers: Well now the initials on my drivers license are not RM, nor am I a subsidiary of touchstone television or any other Hollywood suit who owns a piece of the Popular pie. Therefor please don't sue.

Archiving: The Realm of course and anywhere else I may ultimately park it. http://www.realmoftheshadow.com/carla.htm

Feedback: Please feed the poor writer she needs the nourishment. cmfloresfd@yahoo.com

Author Notes: It's kind of dark but that's the kind of mood I've been in lately. This is a beta-free fic any mistakes are mine and mine alone.

In you I placed all my faith and trust
and now my heart it has turned to dust
-- Diana Ross and the Supremes, Reflections

The truth is I fucked up. The question is where though…where and when in our timeline did I fuck up.

Was it:

· The first time you called me stupid.
· The fifth time you said I was clumsy.
· The tenth time you taunted me about my hospitalization.
· The fifteenth time you named me psycho.
· The twentieth time you shouted whore.
· The second time you hissed ‘You asked for it’.

Was it when you kicked me in the shin because I wasn’t opening the door fast enough and you were pissed because your arms hurt from carrying too many groceries? Was it when I turned and hurled a can of chicken soup at you? Or was it when I apologized and you didn’t.

Was it the night you sneered as you looked me up and down and pronounced me disgusting. Was it later that night when I begged to touch you. Or was it later still when I wept my thanks for being allowed the privilege.

Was it the years spent believing in you rather than believing in myself?

Was it the day you asked to take a lover and I let you.

Was it the day I put my foot down. Was it the day I said ‘No more’.

The truth is I fucked up. The question is where though…where and when in our timeline did I fuck up.

Was it all the days I took it as my due.

Was it all the days of my silent endurance?

The doorbell rang. She put her pen down and went to answer it.

~~~~

** Oh Carm sweetie you fucked up when you opened that door one last time. That was the fuck up. **

Sam closed the small leather-bound journal with a sigh, tucked it under the casket pillow, and turned to the blonde standing silently next to her.

“Take me home Nicole. Take me home.”