Title: Privacy

Author: Carla

Email: cmfloresfd@yahoo.com

Fandom: Popular

Note: This is my first attempt at fic so consider this a warning. Someone, I'm not sure who, posted a diary challenge and so here is my attempt at answering it.

Disclaimer: Needless to say I own none of the characters from Popular. In fact I own nothing of value whatsoever except for my cat, Cider. This takes place in some indeterminate time in the future.

Sometimes its hard to respect someones privacy as any parent or sibling will tell you. This was one of those times. I'm scared and worried about what I'll find written but I'm not sure if I'm scared for me or for her.

I can't believe this is happening to me. tomorrow the love of my life walks down the aisle with another. i don't know what to do. what will i say when its my turn to make a toast.

will i tell the truth for a whole room of wedding guests to hear. of course not.

what i want to say, what i want to tell her is this: i adore you. i love everything about you, your laugh, your smile, your smell ( like peppermint and lavender to me) your sense of style, your body and your mind i love you with all that i have with every fiber of my being to the very depths of my soul. in you i have found hope and trust and love and freindship. you make me desire to be the very best that my own excellence can command. you make me desire.

i want to tell her that i want to offer the very best of me to her, for her. that i want that back from her in turn. that i want to satiate her hungers and feed my own from her luminesence.

i want to tell her that i want.

but i won't. instead tomorrow i will rise and hit my glass with a fork and get everyone's attention. i will wish them well and welcome the new addition to our family. i will speak of how love is fragile and yet has incredible tensile strength and how they must shelter each other in that love.

and i will wish with all my heart that it was me sitting next to her, me wearing her ring and me receiving all that radiant joy and energy from her. me that she is in love with. like i am in love with her.

but it isn't me that she's in love with.

i think i'll go downstairs and have a drink (or ten). better to get drunk tonight. they say that many truths can be found at the bottom of a glass. but sometimes the truth is better left unsaid.

she closed the book and ran her finger over the front cover. then she went downstairs to find her. there she was on the sofa in front of a fire, a glass of wine in her hand and the bottle on the side table.

"I want you to know that I thank God everyday that you told me the truth when you thought you wouldn't."

And she looked up at me and smiled.