Title: Scenes from an Italian Restaurant - The First Noel

Author: Carla

Email: cmfloresfd@yahoo.com

Disclaimers: Passages from Jeanette Winterson's amazing book "Written on the Body" used without permission but much gratitude for their beauty and inspiration.

Part Twenty Five

Week Eleven: Saturday – 9:00 PM

"McQueen! Esposito!"

Brooke and Lily stepped towards the front of the cell.

"Yes"

"Yes"

"Let's go ladies your fines have been paid"

An hour later they were ready to go. They were walking towards the garage where Nicole had parked a few blocks away, Nicole and Brooke slightly ahead of Carmen and Lily.

"So what happened?"

"I went downtown to do some shopping, nothing special just passing the time you know. Any way there was this protest going on in front of the courthouse and I was watching. Then I saw Lily I went up to her and started talking. At first there were speakers and we listened to them but I don't know Nic it was like all of a sudden things went haywire or something and shit was flying all over the place. The cops started moving in, there were people screaming and yelling all over the place, they ripped out a parking meter for God's sake. Next thing Lily and I are being herded into a wagon and you know the rest."

"Why didn't you call Sam or your parent's"

"Dad and Jane are with Mac in Seattle and Sam is shall we say `not available' for the weekend."

"What does that mean?"

"It means I'm not the only one who sneaks out of the house and leads a double life. I'm just the one who got caught."

"Over and over and over"

"Bad luck what can I say?"

"I'm just teasing you"

"Where were you? I hope I didn't interrupt anything important?"

"Well you did interrupt something but it's okay you had a good reason"

They had reached Nicole's car by then and waited for the other girls to catch up with them.

"Nicole open the door would you I'm freezing"

"I can't Carmen has the key…we came together. I must have handed her the keys without realizing it"

**Beep Beep**

Nicole turned, holding out her hand palm up for Carmen to place the car keys in. "Thank you"

"Your welcome" Carmen let her fingernail graze over Nicole's palm and the shorter girl shivered slightly.

The exchange went unnoticed by Brooke who had seated herself in the front passenger seat as if by right. It did not go unnoticed by Lily.

((( God it's impossible not to notice now that I know. And Nicole it's written all over her face how Brooke doesn't see it is beyond me. But then Nicole is supposedly straighter than straight and if anyone knows if the stories are true or not it would be Brooke. )))

Carmen sat behind Nicole, Lily behind Brooke who was busy fiddling with the radio.

"Mind if I change the station?"

"Not at all"

"How about a CD? What's in there do you know?"

"Billy Joel I think, Carmen do you remember?"

" `Greatest Hits' if I recall"

"Works for me" Lily chirped.

Brooke shrugged and hit the play button. "Majority rules then"

Carmen, perched on the edge of the rear seat, leaned over her left arm casually draped over the back of the driver's seat so that her fingertips, hidden from Brooke's line of sight, grazed the smooth column of Nicole's neck. "I'm hungry anybody else interested in getting a bite to eat? Brooke?"

"Well I am but judging from the look on Nic's face she'd rather go back to whatever I interrupted"

Nicole blushed as her eyes met with Carmen's in the rear view mirror "I could eat." In the back seat Lily choked. "You okay there Lily?"

**wheeze** "Yeah" **cough** "Just…I uh…I accidentally swallowed my gum" **ahem** "Sure yeah…food sounds good"

Week Twelve: Monday – 10:00 AM
Kennedy High School – Chemistry Laboratory

Nicole sat at her lab table, writing in her journal as she waited for class to begin.

Nicole's Journal

I never knew that touching someone, being touched by them could be so incredible. I looked at my hands this morning and it was like I had never seen them before. I never knew, I never thought that my hands could bring such pleasure to someone. That giving someone that much pleasure could fuel my own, what a beautiful Catch-22.

I've been reading Jeanette Winterson's book Written on the Body and when I woke up this morning I thought of this one passage:

I say I am in love with her. What does that mean?

It means I review my future and my past in the light of this feeling. It is as though I wrote in a foreign language thatI am suddenly able to read. Wordlessly she explains me to myself. Like genius, she is ignorant of what she does.

Now I know. I know who I am, why I am. What I want, who I want. All these things I wasn't sure of now I know. I'm Nicole Julian. I am in love with another girl, another woman, Carmen Ferrara. I can feel myself smile just writing her name. I can feel her touch all over my body, sliding over my skin and her strength, her surrender under my hands, under my touch.

Every cell in my body calls out for her, somehow I've been too long without her touch but we didn't leave the house till this morning. That's the amazing thing to me.

"Hey Nic" Brooke McQueen slid into the seat next to Nicole, who closed her journal.

"Brooke"

"Thanks again for Saturday"

"No problem"

"So uh um how was the rest of your weekend?" Nicole blushed, a deep red and Brooke elbowed her as she teased "Forget it that face says it all. That good huh?"

"Better"

"Really do tell and don't leave out the detai…"

"McQueen, Julian if you two are done sharing the highlights of your undoubtedly debauched weekend with each other perhaps we could get on with the point of today's enforced misery, namely your final exam."

Part Twenty Six

Week Twelve: Monday – 11:15 AM
Kennedy High School: The Novack

"So did I tell you the latest hot gossip?"

"Ooh I love dirt let's hear it"

"Well you know my brother works at that jewelry store downtown, right?"

"The one with the three names that all start with a `B'…Bailey, Biddles & Banks?"

"That's the one. Well guess which Kennedy golden child bought someone a ring there and had it engraved, `My heart, always'."

"What kind of ring…a man's band or something for a girl?"

"A white gold ring with a small sapphire surrounded by almost a half carat of diamond chips, big bucks you know?"

"Nice. So who?"

"Guess"

"Gimme a hint"

"It's not a guy"

"No!"

"That's what I said"

"No way!"

"Dude, way"

"Who?"

The answer was cut short as the door to the Novack closed behind the two girls as they left. The door to the stall at the far end of the row opened and Nicole stepped out. She washed her hands, checked her makeup in the mirror and sighed. (( What do I do now? Shit, shit, shit this is so not the time to have to be dealing with this crap. I need to focus on exams. First thing after school though I call Bailey, Banks & Biddle. I'm pretty sure that was Sharon Kohan talking and if her brother is working there he can kiss his job goodbye. ))

The door swung open and Brooke walked in with Carmen and Lily.

"Hey Nic you were done awfully fast even for you"

"Piece of cake Brooke. What'd you think about it?"

"As usual I had problems with the whole figuring out electron level thing and I drew a major blank on some of the chemical formulas but I passed thank God. What about you Carmen, Lily?"

"I had some problems with the formulas too but that was about it." Carmen said "I did all right I guess. Nicole's been tutoring me. In math too, actually."

"Well I think its fair to say that I bit the dust with this one. If I pass at all it will be a miracle."

"Can't be that bad Lily"

"No, Brooke, it can…I just froze. The only reason I got done early was `cause I figured why torture myself with my lack of knowledge. Sitting there was not going to make the answers come to me no matter how long I stared at the question. I must have skipped about 5 of the fill-in the blanks not to mention I couldn't do 2 of the formula calculations and those were worth what 5 points apiece? I'm starting at 90 and working my way down. I'm dreading my Trig exam tomorrow"

"You know if you want Lily I could help you out next semester" Brooke stared at Nicole open mouthed. (( Did I just hear right? Was Nic just nice to Lily…for no reason? This guy must be something else; she's been mellower for a couple of months now. ))

"That's if there is a next semester"

"There will be you'll see"

"Thanks Carm"

"Hey how about we go out, the four of us, on Saturday. We can celebrate the end of the semester and one week of freedom for you two." Carmen indicated Brooke and Lily who were seated next to each. "We could go to that place we went to a few weeks back…you know which one I mean Brooke?"

"Yeah" -- ((( That's the same place you got that woman's phone number at. I wonder what ever became of that ))) --- "Hey did you ever call that woman"

"Sure but it's not what you think"

"Too bad she was a hottie"

"Why would you think I care about that?"

"I wasn't trying to imply anything…"

"Sure you were. And if it were true Brooke, what then?"

"Nothing, so what…" Brooke turned to look at Nicole, arching an eyebrow in silent commentary at Carmen's slightly aggressive tone. "Is it true…" Brooke turned back to face Carmen directly "Do you like girls Carmen? Are you a lesbian?"

"Yes"

"Did you know about this Nic?"

"Yes"

"Ah Nic ever the discreet one."

"Brooke" It was both a warning and a plea.

"What Nikki…if anyone here knows you're discrete it most certainly is me. And what do I care if Carmen is into girls, just leaves more for me and you right?"

Lily watched the exchange the tension in the air was palpable. Brooke with her back, once again, to Carmen could not see the brunette cheerleader's eyes silently pleading with Nicole for the truth. Nicole hesitated and Lily spoke to fill the silence.

"Well glad we got that cleared up. Saturday it is then." Lily's falsely jovial words fell flat as Carmen stormed out of the room.

"Jesus what's up her ass?"

"Nothing is `up her ass' Brooke…" Nicole opened the door, looking over her shoulder she addressed Lily "Lily call me later please and we can go over anything you want with Trigonometry okay?"

"Sure Nicole, thanks"

"Did I say something?"

"It's not all an act is it?"

"Excuse me?"

"The dumb blonde thing you've got going on occasion?"

"What are you trying to say Lily?"

"Open your eyes Brooke"

"To what?"

"Nevermind"

Part Twenty Seven

Week Twelve: Monday – 5:00PM
The Apartment

Nicole parked in the reserved spot closest to the staircase leading up to Carmen's place above the diner. Frank had stenciled the spot reserved just for Nicole's car, he worried about them coming home late and having to walk across the parking lot or not being able to find a spot. The blonde sat composing herself, for several minutes before trudging up the stairs. Looking down at the keys in her hand she hesitated. Should she use the key or should she knock. Lily, opened the door and stepping outside, made the decision for her.

"That was really shitty Nicole"

"I know. Will she talk to me?"

"What were you thinking? How could you leave her hanging out to dry like that?"

"I don't owe you any explanations Lily. Can I come in please?"

"Well you certainly owe her an explanation" Lily jerked her head towards the door. "I'll let her know you're here okay?"

"Thanks"

"Wait out here" Lily opened the door and slipped inside. Nicole could hear the sounds of the bathroom door opening and closing. The tiny window that let light into the bathroom was open and steam could be seen coming from it.

After a few minutes the shower stopped then Lily opened the door and once again stepped outside to talk with a very nervous Nicole.

"Does she want talk to me? Will she talk to me?"

"For some reason yes she does"

"Thank God. Can I come in now?" Lily stepped aside and Nicole entered the apartment looking for Carmen as she did so.

"She'll be out in a bit."

"Thanks"

"Nicole?" The petite blond turned and focused her attention on the Latina.

"Lily"

"Make it right, make this right okay. Carmen loves you very much and what happened today…that hurt her very much." Lily's voice was unexpectedly gentle.

"I want to Lily. I want to fix this. I love her."

"I know that and she knows that but she also needs you to show her that."

"I can't… not like that… not right now"

"That's too bad. Think about this: If you don't now in the end you might not ever have to. You need to decide for yourself Nicole just what her place in your life is."

"She is my life, Lily. I can't even envision my future without her in it; she IS my future."

The door to the bathroom opened and Carmen entered the room still toweling her hair dry. "Lily could you maybe wait for me downstairs have a bite to eat. Sit at the counter; tell Karen that she should put your order on my tab."

"Sure Carmen" Lily left and Carmen turned to Nicole "Lily said you wanted to talk to me"

"Yes"

"Let's sit down okay?" They moved to the sofa Nicole sitting first and Carmen pointedly sitting as far from her as possible.

"One word Nicole. All you had to say was one word `No' - one little word. I wasn't asking you to tell Brooke about us…just that you weren't available."

"I know, I know that…I panicked…I just…I felt `cornered' and I…"

"You bailed is what you did"

"You're not being fair"

"FUCK fair Nicole. You know all afternoon I've been telling myself that I shouldn't push you that you love me and that should be good enough. That I don't have any right to push you on this but you know what? I have the right I have every right." Carmen's voice lowered "Look at me Nikki"

Blue eyes met brown eyes as Nicole looked up.

"Do you know why I have that right Nicole?"

"I gave it to you"

"That's right you gave it to me. You gave it to me in your car, on that bed over there, on this sofa. You gave it to me this morning when you screamed my name as you came. You gave it to me each time I imagined I could smell your scent on my fingers and every time I remembered your taste."

"You gave me rights too, you know."

"I won't hide it Nicole, I won't broadcast it but I won't hide it either. I am gay Nicole I wouldn't hide it from my mother and I certainly am not going to hide that fact to protect `your' secret."

"I'm not asking you to do that. I'm asking you to give me more time. To understand that I am not you, I'm not that strong. You gave me the right to ask that of you."

"I don't want to hide. I don't want to hide you…I just, sometimes Nic I just want to shout out `Look everybody, Nicole Julian, high school goddess chose me'. Me, Carmen Ferrara, do you know how amazing that is to me. This time last year you would have sooner spit than look at me. This morning I worshiped at the altar. I don't want to have to hide that, not forever at any rate."

"Just a little longer. I promise I will talk to Brooke, I'll make sure she understands that I'm not `available'."

"Come here" the brunette opened her arms and Nicole crawled into her embrace burying her face in the crook of Carmen's neck.

"I love you Carmen. I love you so much it's like I told Lily `You are my future'. You are the most important person in the world to me. I hope you know that even though I haven't really shown you."

Soft lips grazed the blonde's forehead as Carmen whispered "I know Nikki. You're my future too."

"You know what's amazing to me?"

"Hmmm?"

"That you love me. After everything before, everything I said, everything I did you still love me…and now after everything I haven't said you still want me."

"I can't imagine not wanting you."

"You know you're not the only one who wants to shout it out. Maybe we should look into a social group for gay teens, get out meet people our own age. This way I can show off my incredibly sexy, smart and unbelievably patient lover."

"Maybe"

"You don't like that idea"

"I love that idea. In fact it was something I had been thinking of asking you but then I thought that you probably wouldn't be into it `cause it was a little too public for your comfort level."

Carmen bent her head down to Nicole's upturned one, her lips gently caressing the other girl's.

"You have no idea how happy I am that you suggested that, how incredible it makes me feel to know that you're willing to do something like that with me. For me."

"I love you Carmen Ferrara"

"I love you Nicole Julian, I love you too."

"We should probably get Lily huh?"

"Not yet Nikki, she should be spoon deep into a bowl of vegetarian chili right about now." Nicole's stomach growled and Carmen laughed. "Someone's hungry"

"Aren't you"

"Not for food"

"Later. I need to replenish the energy stores. You wore me out this weekend"

"I'm sure it's not the first time this sort of thing has happened to you"

"Not like this" Carmen's smile, a one hundred watt smile if ever there was one, enveloped Nicole in a cocoon of love.

"We should go eat and then we have to help Lily get ready for tomorrow's Trig final."

"Okay"

"One thing first though…pass the phone will you"

"Hi Brooke"

*** Nic? What happened to you today? I looked for you after school but you disappeared ***

"I wanted to talk to you about that, about what happened earlier"

*** What about it huh? Carmen sure was acting weird don't you think? ***

"No I don't, you weren't exactly warm and welcoming about it."

*** Still it's not like I was all freaked out. So Carmen's a lesbian big deal. Like I said more for us ***

"No that's just it that's what I wanted to talk to you about"

*** Okay ***

"There's only `more' for you. I am officially off the man market – as it were."

*** Well sure for now, but c'mon Nic it's not like you're gonna marry this guy or anything ***

"That's very true but nonetheless that's where things stand with me. I'm taken, not available, I am ceding the field to you point, game, set and match"

*** Okay ***

"Brooke"

*** Nic? ***

"You're my best friend you've always accepted me and I just wanted to thank you for that. It means more to me than you could ever know."

*** Who loves ya, baby ***

"Are you still watching those old Kojak reruns on TV"

*** There's a marathon on right now, beats studying ***

"What do you have tomorrow?"

*** History and English no problem ***

"See you tomorrow then"

*** Nic ***

"Yeah"

*** I'm glad you're happy, you deserve it ***

"Thanks"

*** No matter who it's with ***

"Brooke?"

*** You will always be my best friend ***

"You too Brooke, always"

*** I'll see you tomorrow then ***

"Yeah"

*** Nic…if you speak to Carmen before I do tell her I apologize, would you ***

"Sure"

Nicole hung up the phone. She felt Carmen's arms tighten around her. "I love you"

"She sends her apologies"

"How'd she know you were with me?"

"I don't know. She doesn't have caller ID I know that. I guess she probably figures that I would be tutoring you for tomorrow, you and Lily, for your Trigonometry final."

"Or maybe she's put one and one together and come up with two. I swear the two of you have taken unspoken truth and hushed nuance to new levels."

"It wasn't as hard as I thought it would be"

"The truth, or in this case variations on the truth, usually isn't. I'm proud of you love, very proud of you."

"Shall we join Lily and share the good news"

"Sure"

Part Twenty Eight

A/N: Well some of you had questions about Sam. So here are some things to whet your whistle.

Week Twelve: Tuesday – 2:30 PM
Kennedy High School

Samantha Macphearson closed her locker and turned around to face her two closest friends, Lily and Carmen. "You two ready to go"

"Mocha here I come"

"Make that two Lily" Carmen said "Especially if you're paying"

"Do I look like Nicole" Carmen shot the petite Latina a dirty look.

"What's that supposed to mean eh?"

"Iced Americano for me. In an ideal world I could just get the caffeine in an IV drip but I'll settle for four espresso shots on ice." Sam cut in hoping to diffuse the sudden tension.

"Nothing other than I don't have mommy's credit cards and a trust fund. You want a mocha you're gonna have to pay for it yourself" Lily held her hands up in surrender, lowering her voice so that only Carmen could hear her next words "I'm sorry I wasn't trying you know…it just slipped out"

"Be careful please"

Sam had already started walking down the hallway stopping to speak to Brooke who was standing in front of Nicole's locker talking with the petite blonde.

"Hey Brooke. We're" she indicated Carmen and Lily "going to Starbucks wanna come?"

"Sure. Nic?"

"Sure"

By this time Carmen and Lily had caught up with them.

"You two joining us?" Carmen asked and at Nicole's nod she smiled. "Great. Hey Nicole I my treat. I passed Trig thanks to you. Lily too, right Lil?"

"You bet. In fact I'll by your pastry and sign an IOU for my first born if you want. Seriously Nicole I owe you" Nicole laughed and the three of them fell into step as they walked towards the exit. Sam and Brooke bringing up the rear talked quietly together.

"So Sammy I didn't get a chance yesterday to ask you, how was your weekend? I noticed you didn't come home until…when did you get home?"

"I don't know what you're talking about"

"Oh please. You left the house Friday night and when I got home Sunday after midnight you still hadn't been home."

"How do you know keeping tabs on me Brooke. Looking for a little blackmail material maybe"

"You wish"

"Hardly. Thanks to your shenanigans I'm lucky not to be wearing one of those parole ankle things…you know those monitors. You go out and I have to suffer"

"Suffer my ass they watch me like a hawk. I had to be home by 12:30 AM Friday and Saturday so that I could be there when they called to check up on me. They asked by the way and I told them you were asleep." Sam had the good grace to blush.

"Thanks" Sam continued ruefully "I went for a weekend party at my friend Rich's house"

"Rich who?"

"I met him at that weekend workshop for the school paper publishers, the one at the University a while back."

"Oh yeah I remember that"

"So a bunch of us just hung out at his place this weekend. Watched old movies, played games, smoked out just relaxed you know nothing special" Sam didn't mention the girl she had met, Marcy. Marcy looked like a slightly older version of Brooke, her skin a light golden caramel broken only by the stark tan lines of a very small bikini. An outline Sam had happily spent hours tracing with her tongue.

"Sounds fun. Don't worry okay I got your back with the folks."

"Thanks Brooke"

"No problem just remember you owe me" the blonde winked at Sam who winked back.

"Don't worry I got your back"

Week Twelve: Tuesday – 6:00 PM
The Palace – Sam's Room

Sam kicked her shoes off belly flopped onto the bed and reached for her phone to check her voice mail. The rapid beeping tone that meant she had new messages suddenly sounded louder than it ever had before and Sam found herself holding her breath.

+++ You have three new messages +++

+++ First new message +++

*** Hi Sam it's Marcy ***

Sam exhaled.

*** I was… I was wondering…I just wanted to see how you were doing. Call me you have my number ***

Sam smiled.

+++ Second new message +++

*** Hi Sam it's me, Marcy, again…***

The smile faded.

*** I just wanted to say that I really had a good time with you this weekend ***

The smile began to reappear.

*** I hope we can do it again ***

Sam stood up on her bed lightly bobbing up and down in her excitement.

+++ Third new message +++

*** I just dawned on me that you might take my last message the wrong way. I just meant that I would love to see you in public on a date you know. ***

Sam jumped off the bed landing with a small thud.

*** Not that I didn't like what happened this weekend…I liked it lots…but I… well I would like to get to know you is all. ***

Sam did an all out victory dance, the kind usually seen at football games. She placed the receiver in its cradle, jumping as the phone rang.

"Hello"

*** Sam? ***

"Marcy?"

*** Hi ***

"Hi"

Silence

"I got your message…messages"

*** I hope uhm…I hope you weren't offended ***

"Offended? No. So not offended. Thrilled"

*** Thrilled…I like how you say that…how it sounds. Thrilled ***

Silence

*** So you want to go on a date with me? ***

"I thought you'd never ask"