Title: Scenes from an Italian Restaurant - The First Noel

Author: Carla

Email: cmfloresfd@yahoo.com

Pairing: Nicole/Carmen

Rating: PG-13 (for language, honest :::looks innocent:::)

Archive: Those of you who have my consent know who you are, all other's ask please.

Summary: The first tentative steps are taken.

A/N: Quite a few people asked for the more detailed account of how Carmen and Nicole became friends and eventually more than friends. This is what I came up with, figuring that something like that would take time I decided to make those first tentative steps towards friendship and more take place over the course of 12 weeks. Hence the title.
(( )) indicates unspoken thought

Feedback: It would be great. Thanks to all who have so far let me know what and where they think things should go.

First Noel (12 Weeks `til Christmas) - Part One

Week 1 – Tuesday 6:10 PM

"Are you ready to order?" Nicole Julian looked up from the leather bound journal she was writing in.

"Carmen…well I guess I shouldn't be surprised"

"Nicole…" Carmen gritted her teeth. She'd been getting a lot of crap from her mother lately and she'd be damned if she was going to take Nicole's shit outside of school too. (((But I need this job. Just a few more weeks and then I'll have enough money to get out of the house)))

"I'll have a low-fat hazelnut latte, a small Caesar salad and what's the soup of the day?"

"Cream of Broccoli and Lentil soup with spicy sausage. Also we have French Onion but it's a little salty I think. I recommend the Lentil."

"I'll have a cup of that too then" Carmen jotted down Nicole's order then read it back to her.

"Would you like a glass of water?"

"That would be great" Nicole turned her attention once more to the journal she had been writing in silently dismissing Carmen as she did so.

"Here you go one low fat hazelnut latte and some water. Your salad and soup will be up shortly"

"So Carmen tell me" Nicole's voice fairly dripped venom "do they pay you in food here?"

Carmen slammed the glass of water down on the table, splashing Nicole. She hissed "Listen you viper I may have to put up with your shit at that societal pit known as Kennedy HS but I am not about to put up with it outside of school. You're on my turf now so FUCK YOU Nicole. Really what gives you the right to treat people, to treat me, the way you do? Who do you think you are?"

With that the brunette waitress spun around and stalked off. Nicole watched Carmen's retreating form, then smiling to herself she returned to writing in her journal.

Nicole's Journal

So she has a spine, Carmen Ferrara has a spine who would have guessed it. She's right though. Why do I do that? I didn't always use to be this way, this Bitch Goddess Supreme, but now it's like I don't know how to be anything else. I don't know how to be any other way. I haven't for a long time not since Nana and Marley.

((She looked vibrant and fiery all riled up like that. She looked beautiful.))

Week One: Thursday 6:10 PM

"Carmen table six for you"

"Thanks Ginny"

Looking down the row of tables she spotted Nicole sitting at table six. ((Great just what I need tonight. What is she doing here anyway? ))

"Nicole"

"Carmen"

"Are you prepared to be civil tonight?"

"Will I be getting the food I order or should I just give you the $20 and be on my way."

"The food will come this time I promise. Sorry about that I was pretty pissed off."

"I noticed…" the petite blonde seemed about to say something else but didn't.

"So what can I get for you this evening?"

"Low fat hazelnut latte, a small garden salad with blue cheese dressing on the side and a cup of your soup of the day."

"New England Clam Chowder okay with you?"

"EEEWWW" Nicole shuddered "No gross, make it a cup of French Onion."

"I'll be right back with your latte. Water?"

"Thanks" Nicole opened her journal and began to write.

Week Two: Tuesday 6:10 PM

"Carmen table six…looks like your little friend is back"

"Thanks Ginny"

"Nicole"

"Carmen"

"Soups for the day are Navy Bean and Minestrone"

"I'll have a low-fat hazelnut latte, small Caesar salad and a cup of the Minestrone."

"It's a little salty I'd go with the Navy Bean personally"

"Okay, I'll take your word on it, Navy Bean then and some water"

"Be back with your latte and some water" Carmen walked away stopping at the sound of Nicole's voice.

"Carmen about the other day…I was…I wanted to say…" the blonde's voice trailed off.

"Yes…" Carmen turned to face Nicole who appeared to be making a detailed inspection of her fork.

"Nothing really, just that you were right the other day…about the French onion soup, it is a little too salty"

"Okay. For a moment there I thought you were going to apologize but I should have known better." With that Carmen turned and walked away. She didn't hear Nicole's murmured reply.

"No you shouldn't but you were right about that too."

Nicole's Journal

Why couldn't I say `sorry'? It's like I am incapable of apologizing, of saying one little word to anyone, except Brooke and my mother. Even that is just so mom will leave me alone. But I wanted to apologize to Carmen, she is right. Just because people let me walk all over them doesn't excuse my doing so. You'd think I would know better though, I hate how my mother makes me feel like shit all the time, like I can never be good enough perfect enough. But I do it to other people every day. Nana would have been disappointed in me.

Week Two: Thursday 6:10 PM

"Your 6:10 appointment is here"

"Huh?"

"Your little friend, the blond, table six"

"Thanks Ginny"

"Hey Nicole" Carmen placed a low-fat hazelnut latte in front of Nicole "Hopefully you were going to order this."

"How'd you know?" was the amused reply.

"Well you've ordered it every time I've waited on you and Ginny says you're here on Mondays too and always get one."

"What else does Ginny say" Nicole's eyes narrowed giving her a slightly predatory look.

Carmen gulped.

"Just that you always write in that journal, you always sit at table six if it's available and you're always here at 6:10 PM. She also said you used to come here Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays but she figures the new days mean that whatever appointment you have around here had to be rescheduled for some reason. I'm betting that would be cheerleading practice."

"Why don't you and Ginny just mind your own business, okay?"

"Chill out, we were just talking we didn't mean anything by it okay?"

"You're right, I overreacted…I'm just" Nicole ran her hand through her hair nervously, "I'm just stressed out is all."

"Are you alright?"

"I'm fine" Nicole snapped out and Carmen got the message Nicole probably wasn't 'fine' but she wasn't about to lower herself to talk to Carmen.

"The soups for the day are Split Pea or Cream of Potato both have pieces of honey smoked bacon and the potato soup also comes with a dollop of sour cream and chives. We have low-fat sour cream if you like."

"You pick and make it a bowl, no salad today. Ooh and tell Ginny that I am not `that' predictable." Nicole teased and smiled shyly at the other girl in a sort of silent apology for her earlier waspishness.

Nicole closed her journal, dropping it on the bench seat next to her, as Carmen placed a bowl of soup on the table.

"Looks good"

"It's almost perfect"

"What would make it `perfect'?"

"Trust me?"

"About food sure"

"If you're going to be an ass about it…"

"That's not what I meant" Nicole interjected "I just meant that you've never steered me wrong soup-wise is all."

"Sorry I shouldn't have jumped down your throat like that"

"Why not? It's not like you don't have reason to be suspicious of anything I say"

"True. Now trust me it needs a little fresh cracked pepper. I'll be right back"

Nicole watched as Carmen worked the pepper mill, the muscles in her forearms tensing and relaxing as she did so.

((( She has nice forearms, I bet her skin is really soft too over those nice strong ))) Nicole shook her head (((What the hell am I thinking? Where did that come from? I haven't thought like that about a girl since Marley and now I'm thinking like this about Carmen)))

"Try it now"

Nicole tasted the soup, it nice and warm, not too hot, creamy with chunks of potato. The bacon on top was crispy and the heat of the soup made the sour cream slightly runny. The pepper only intensified the flavors of the bacon and the chives making the otherwise potentially bland soup a feast for the palate.

"Once again you're right. This is really very good" Carmen smiled broadly, beaming at Nicole's praise.

"Glad you like it." She stood by the table watching as Nicole sipped a few more spoonfuls. When the cheerleader reached for her journal Carmen left.

Nicole's Journal

She has a beautiful smile, I never really looked at her before, I wish I had though `cause I like what I see. I like it a lot. I guess maybe Marley, how I felt about her, maybe that wasn't a fluke. Looks like I have some other things to talk about in therapy after all.

Part Two

Week 3: Tuesday - 6:10 PM

"Hey Nicole"

The blonde did not look up she gave no sign of even having heard Carmen. All she did was run her hand over the front cover of her journal, over and over as if in some sort of trance. Carmen sat down opposite Nicole, reached across the table and gently placed her hand over the other girl's stopping the repetitive stroking.

"Nicole?" Nicole flinched and began to pull her hand back, stopping when she felt Carmen's fingers close around her own.

"Nicole what's wrong?"

"Nothing…I'm fine every thing is fine" Carmen ducked her head down in an attempt to meet Nicole's eyes.

"You sure?" Now Nicole wrenched her hand free of Carmen's and glared at her.

"What part of that didn't you get? I told you already Everything-Is-Fine-Nothing-Is-Wrong"

Carmen slid out of the booth and stood by Nicole's side. She touched a fingertip to the seated girl's shoulder and Nicole turned her head to look at Carmen directly. There were tears in her eyes and Carmen felt something inside of her softening in response.

"Trust me okay. I'll be right back"

Nicole's Journal

Oddly enough I do trust her. That's a good thing. Different but good especially now.

I can't believe Dr Smythe is leaving. I mean I know it's selfish and self-centered of me to think so but damn it I don't want a new therapist. We just started doing some really good work. Fuck it's taken me 3 years to get to this point and now I have to find a new shrink and start all over again. How am I gonna do that? She knows I have trust issues and then she does this.

I feel like crying.

Nicole brushed tears from her eyes as Carmen set the plates down in front of her.

"Here you go"

"What's this"

"Comfort food"

"Comfort food?"

"Yeah, you know the food you eat to feel better. In this case Cream of Tomato soup and a grilled cheese sandwich."

"Is that avocado on the soup?" Nicole pointed to the soup bowl where three very thinly sliced pieces of avocado floated in a fan pattern.

"Yes it is thinly sliced and sprinkled with fresh lemon pepper seasoning. It's my secret ingredient only available to a select few and made fresh with my own hands."

Nicole slowly brought the spoon to her mouth to taste the soup and a small piece of the avocado as well. Her eyes widened in surprise.

"Uhhmmm right again Carmen. You should be a chef you know?"

"You think so? I've thought about it, about going to cooking school. I even sent for some information about the programs at the Culinary Institute of America in New York. But it's really expensive…"

"Don't let that stop you"

"Easy for you to say. Which one of us is working here and which one of us is driving that Jaguar out in the parking lot."

"Porsche…I drive a Porsche but I see your point."

"Anyway I can't talk anymore we're getting kinda busy."

"Go, go" Nicole shooed Carmen away with one hand and reached for her journal with the other.

"Nicole…" Wary blue eyes looked into brown ones filled with compassion and concern.

"I get off work at 10 tonight…if you want to talk okay?" Nicole nodded and Carmen started to walk away.

"I'll take you home"

"I'd like that"

Nicole's Journal

I did it I reached out of course she reached out first but still I reached back. I feel good about this it's going to be okay. I can tell she won't hurt me. She seemed to really want to hear what was bothering me. No one ever want's to hear what's bothering me. No, that's not right, I never let people see that something is bothering me. I don't let them close enough. Brooke, she's close though and yet I can't share with her either. Isn't that pathetic my best friend and I don't I can't share with her. But something about Carmen about how she was just now, how she is makes me think that it will be okay to share with her.

Nicole checked her watch, it was 8:30 PM and business appeared to have slowed down. She looked around for Carmen, spotted her by the pickup window and waved. The smile Carmen flashed made Nicole's breath catch and brought forth her own smile in return.

((What a great smile. I could fall into that smile. She's coming over here maybe she has time to talk now))

"You don't really have to wait you know. I appreciate the offer though."

"Oh I thought…I thought maybe…you know it's not really that safe out `there' and its dark out and all…but if you want me to I'll leave."

"No…It's just I didn't want you to think that you HAD to wait is all. If you have to go you can though, you know if you … if you have to `be' somewhere and all."

"There's no `where' I have to be and no one cares where I am anyway."

"I'm sorry about that"

"Thanks, but what can you do?"

"I can listen"

"I can talk"

"Let me see if it's okay with Ginny if I leave at 9:00"

"No hurry"

Nicole's Journal

I did it. I reached out and I shared and it was okay the world didn't end and the ground did not open up and swallow me whole. She's a good listener too. I can't believe we talked for almost 3 hours. Rather I talked and she listened. I think she really heard me too.

Part Three

A/N: It is entirely possible that I have entered the world of delusion so if this makes no sense whatsoever that's why.(( )) indicates thought

Week 3: Thursday 6:10 PM

"Can I take you order?"

"Where's Carmen?"

"She asked me to cover for her today. She's in the back office talking to Frank and Lucille right now…Are you Nicole?"

""Yeah"

"Oh Carmen asked me to tell you to wait for her before you order. I'll just go and tell her you're here."

"No, you don't have to do that. I'll just wait till she's done is all but I'll have a low-fat hazelnut latte for now please."

"Sure thing"

Nicole's Journal

I've been looking forward to seeing her, talking to her just BEING with her since Tuesday night. Dr Smythe thinks what happened Tuesday is a really positive thing. I hate that psychobabble bullshit what does `positive' mean. I can't even explain all this shit I have going through my head all these feelings. I still remember how soft her fingertips were on my hand hell if I close my eyes I can feel her hand on mine still. If I close my eyes I can pretend that we're in my car just talking, watching the sky and I can feel safe again peaceful even. I can feel connected to someone, me the real me all of me not just the `popular' me not the fake me. Like I felt with Nana. Like I felt with Marley, only I didn't really know it for what it was with her. I would never have been able to admit to anyone, much less myself, how much I felt for Marley and how attracted I was to her. Not then, but now, now I can admit it even if it's only in this journal.

"Low-fat hazelnut latte" At the sound of Carmen's voice Nicole looked up from her journal, smiling.

"Carmen"

"Karen told me you were here" she continued silently to herself (( but if I had known you were going to smile like that…Oh God I cannot absolutely cannot be crushing out on Nicole Julian. But that smile…))

"Yeah well I'm a creature of habit as you may have already noticed."

"I had a hunch that might be the case" Carmen grinned, winked at Nicole and gestured to the seat opposite the blond "Care for some company?"

"I'd like that"

"Be right back then"

"Where are you going?"

"You're here for dinner aren't you? Well I'm gonna go get it"

"Do I get a say at all?"

"You trust me don't you?"

"Uhmmm…." Nicole's voice trailed off, fear and uncertainty evident on her face. ((I want to trust you…I DO trust you but I'm also scared you'll hurt me))

((She's scared but there is something else there too. Hope maybe? Longing like the puppies at a shelter that have been abused and hurt. All they want is someone to be nice to them, pet them and play with them someone to love them. They just don't want to hurt))

"About food, Nicole, you trust me about food right?" Carmen's tone was light and teasing. As she turned away she barely heard Nicole's whispered response.

"That too Carmen. I trust you about that too."

"Yummmm this is great chicken salad, you make it?"

"Yes and no. Let's just say that Frank is not very adventurous so I `enhanced' the chicken salad."

"How?"

"I added a little more curry and some smoked paprika for bite and then to balance that some raisins. The toasted almond slivers give it a more complex mouth feel I think, less mushy if you will."

"Well it's great, it's like the best chicken salad sandwich I've had since…I don't know maybe since forever."

"Glad you like, I `enhanced' it just for you." Carmen shot Nicole a tentative smile, her cheeks flushing as she did so.

"What are you having?"

"Meatloaf on sourdough. Frank makes an amazing meatloaf, terrific the first day but spectacular the next. The ultimate leftover meatloaf I tell you. Want a bite?"

"That's one of those comfort food things isn't it?"

"For me? Yeah. So do you want a bite, yes or no?"

"Trade you half of mine for half of yours?" Nicole slid her plate across the table and reached for the other girl's plate.

"I don't know about that…"

Nicole's hand froze in mid reach, a stricken look on her face.

"I mean I can make chicken salad anytime I want but Frank only makes meatloaf once a week…Nicole?" Carmen's voice softened, she covered Nicole's hand with her own. "Nic…look at me please?"

Nicole looked up. She could feel her heart rate increasing as she met Carmen's gaze with her own. Her mind raced ((Oh God her hand IS as soft as I remember. I gotta stop thinking like this `cause it's not like she'd be into it or anything. She's just being friendly and I don't even deserve that and her thumb is moving on my hand and it's so soft and Christ I am in trouble))

"Nicole I was just playing with you okay, I'm just teasing…that's all. I am more than happy to share with you…everything not just the sandwich. I know it's hard for me to share sometimes…I think maybe it is for you too…I…Thank you for Tuesday. For the ride home and for the other too…I know I'm not making much sense…"

"I understand…now pass the sandwich"

They ate in silence for a few minutes.

"So what's going on with you?"

"What do you mean `what's going on?'"

"Well you were talking to your boss before is there a problem?"

"Oh that no, no problem in fact it's a solution to a problem"

""What's that?"

"Home…I'm moving out of my mother's house. Frank and Lucille have a small efficiency apartment that they are going to rent to me."

"Oh."

"I can't live at home anymore…things with my mother. Her drinking is out of control and…well let's just say it's not good for me to be there, not safe not healthy."

"Does she hit you?"

"No her aim sucks…its other things, the people she brings home the way she treats me the things she says. It's better if I'm not there, is all."

"I'm…I'm sorry it's like that for you"

"Thanks"

"You need help moving?"

"You offering?"

"Isn't that what friends do?"

"We're friends?"

"I thought so"

"Wrong answer"

"What's the right one?"

"Yes"

"Yes"

"So you want to go check out the new place with me?"

"Let me guess it needs to be cleaned you need some help?"

"Like Dionne says `That's what friends are for'"

"C'mon let's get this over with."

Nicole's Journal

Carmen's new place is cute it's above the diner. It's a big studio really but it's still smaller than the master suite mom has, including the alcove where she wants to put her bed. No closets what so ever. I would die if I had to live there. It's pretty clean though and there's a table and some chairs. It took us maybe an hour to get it cleaned up. We talked the whole time about all sorts of things, books, music, movies (her favorite movie is `Heather's') and just everything. I never would have guessed that we would have so much in common. Like the same things. I'm glad though to be finding out.

Part Four

Week Four: Tuesday - 6:10 PM

Nicole stood in the doorway of the diner looking lost when Carmen approached her.

"Hey Nicole what's…" she followed Nicole's gaze with her own "Oh I see your table's taken"

Nicole nodded, looked around "Where should I sit then?"

"Well this works out anyway `cause I'm working the counter today. Why don't you take a seat there and I'll bring you your latte and some dinner"

"Okay that sounds good"

`This way please" Carmen gave a small grin, bowed slightly at the waist and with a sweep of her arm gestured for Nicole to proceed. As the petite blond walked past her the brunette straightened up and placed her left hand in the small of the other girl's back as they walked towards the counter. Feeling Nicole stiffen slightly Carmen withdrew her hand.

"I'm sorry I didn't mean to make you feel uncomfortable"

"No…no that's not it…it was just I…I wasn't expecting that is all."

"Sit here" Carmen indicated a place at the counter "This way we can talk some while I work. Let me give these guys over there their food and I'll bring out your stuff in a bit"

Nicole sat and opened her journal.

Nicole's Journal

Now how come none of the guys I go out with are like that it was so cute. Of course it didn't mean anything to her she was just being sweet. So what if my heart stopped; so what if it felt like my skin was burning; so what if I can still feel where she touched me the weight of her hand on my back.

I am in so much trouble.

I like that she was worried that I wasn't comfortable, that she respected that. A guy wouldn't have noticed that or at least none of the guys I go out with. But I don't `go out' with guys I `fuck' them.

((Which reminds me I have to call Jonas and confirm our plans for tomorrow))

"Nic do you think you could help me move the last of my stuff from my mom's place tomorrow after practice?"

"My pleasure"

"Thanks, I'll cook you dinner in payment if you want?"

"You don't have to, why don't we go somewhere to celebrate instead, my treat"

"I don't know…money…I'm not really comfortable with that"

"Well then how about this we get some picnic stuff, you know sandwiches and salad or maybe some cheese and fruit. We can sit on the back porch and have a nighttime picnic dinner."

"That sounds nice"

"It's a date then" ((I better call Jonas and let him know that I can't go out tomorrow))

"Whatever" Carmen laughed and rolled her eyes ((I wish…did I just think that? Oh God I am in so much trouble))

Week Four: Wednesday – 5:00 PM
Kennedy HS Girls Locker Room

"Great practice everybody. We looked good out there and we're gonna look even better Friday night at the game. Hey Nic…how about we grab a bite later?"

"I can't tonight Brooke. I already have plans."

"Anybody I know"

"Not well"

"What are the plans for the night? Anything `special'"

"Not really, just helping a friend move and then dinner"

"And after?"

"Nothing, home to study I have a Pre-Calculus test tomorrow"

"I can't believe you're taking Pre-Calc." Nicole shrugged.

"What can I say I like it"

"Well you have a good night. See you tomorrow."

"You too Brooke"

"G'night Carmen"

"Night Brooke"

They were the only two remaining in the locker room after Brooke left.

"I don't know about you but I need a shower"

"Same here"

The naked blonde walked towards the showers calling out to Carmen when she noticed that the other girl was not following her.

"You coming or do you want to shower at home?"

"You go on ahead" ((I just want to watch your ass while you walk))

"It'll save time if you shower now. This way we can go straight to your Mom's, drop your stuff off at the new place and then go for dinner" ((and this way I can drool over you and maybe you won't notice `cause of the shower))

"Okay" Carmen stripped and followed Nicole into the shower room. "But I thought we were going to do the picnic thing"

"You still want to…I thought you might change your mind about letting me take you to dinner"

"Picnic"

"Whatever you want…tonight is your night. You call the shots"

Ferrara Residence – 6:00 PM

Carmen opened the door to her mother's house peeking in first to see if the coast was clear. Seeing no one in the living room and hearing no noise from within she beckoned Nicole to follow her up the stairs.

They were done packing Carmen's suitcases and a few boxes with assorted books, tapes and cds when they heard the front door slam.

"Whose fucking car is in the driveway? Carmen you here?"

"Stay here…I'll be…just let me deal with her and then we can go."

"You going to be okay…I can go down with you if you'd like"

"No it's okay, thanks"

"You sure…I know about needing moral support. My mom sometimes… sometimes I wish I had moral support."

Carmen shook her head and reached for the doorknob. She turned around when Nicole called her name and saw the shorter girl standing with her arms open.

"Hug?"

"Yeah" Carmen moved into Nicole's arms.

"I'll wait for you up here"

Carmen's Apartment – 8:30 PM

They stopped by the grocery store to pick up some fruit, cheese and French bread for their picnic dinner and then drove in silence to Carmen's new home. They carried everything upstairs in 3 trips.

"I'm beat…what about you?"

"Same here. Ready to eat"

"Yeah"

"Should we eat inside or on the porch"

"Porch, it's a nice night out."

They ate in silence each wrapped up in their own thoughts.

((I wonder if she heard. How could she have not, Mom was screaming at the top of her lungs. Now she'll know…and so will the whole school likely. No she wouldn't do that to me. Not `this' Nicole… not `my' Nicole, she wouldn't I KNOW it))

(( How could her mom say those things to her? Maybe I should say something she's got to know that I heard the woman wasn't exactly quiet))

"Listen uhhmm…I'm sorry you had to hear that. Back at my mom's."

"No don't apologize. She should apologize she had no right to say those things to you."

"It's true everything she said is true"

Nicole slid closer to Carmen and slipped her hand into the other girl's, linking their fingers together.

"Is this okay?" At Carmen's nod she continued. "Your mom is wrong, so wrong. You are not a cow, you are not stupid, you are not a bitch and you don't owe her anything. Nothing at all."

"And the rest?"

"So?"

"That's true too"

Nicole looked down at their joined hands and squeezed gently. "Me too"

"What about all those guys?"

"Sometimes you have to go down the wrong road in order to know the right one."

Nicole's Journal

I can't believe it she's gay too. I can't believe I told her I was. Oh boy lots to talk about tomorrow with Dr Smythe. She's gay. I almost did the Snoopy Happy Dance when she said that. And I held her hand she let me hold her hand the whole time we talked. Three hours, three whole hours, we talked and held hands. If it had actually been a date I would have to say it was the best one I've ever been on. But it wasn't, we're just friends. There is no way she would ever be into me not after everything I've said and done in the past. No one is THAT forgiving. This must be what Nana meant about not burning your bridges by your actions.