Title: Moving Day

Author: Carla

Email: cmfloresfd@yahoo.com

Fandom: Popular

Pairing: L/f, L/MC, S/B/H

Archive: As and ye shall receive

Feedback: Well I'd love some but understand if busy schedules prevent it.

Disclaimer: Not mine, never were, never will be. Songs by Sixpence None the Richer and Billy Joel are used without permission but much gratitude. I make no money off of my astounding lack of talent but then I haven't been able to make money at the things I am talented at.

Summary: Sometimes moving on with your life means letting someone love you and your ghosts.

A/N: Probably one of the most, if not in fact the most, defining moment of my life was the day my first lover died. That was half my lifetime ago and for the most part I have moved on with my life but every year on the anniversary of her death I miss her even more. There have been others since but in the dark of my room and when I am all alone I can admit that I have never really let anyone fill her place in my heart.

(( )) Indicates unspoken thought.

Moving Day

Lily sat in bed flipping through TV channels trying to find something, anything to take her mind off the day. It was impossible of course, 16 years of grief and pain, 16 years without her had seen to that.

She looked over at the clock radio on the nightstand it read 6:15 AM. (( Any minute now the alarm will go off and I'll start another day, another year without her )) "Tiburon, Tiburon where are you? Where's mommy's big boy? (( Where is the damn cat? )) She reached into the nightstand drawer and felt around for the canister of kitty treats.

The cat, a big black male, jumped up onto the bed "There you are Stinker what have you been up to HMM? Keeping out of trouble I hope"

"Mrreow"

"What's that … oh you want a treat, oh sure now your all about `Mommy, mommy' but where were you when I needed you? Indulging in cat nip and drinking from the kitchen faucet no doubt"

"Meeoow"

" Don't lie to me you little rat bastard I know you throw wild parties when I'm not here, I see the cat nip all over the carpet…. Oh alright I forgive you."

The radio chose that moment to start blaring.

No one else can heal my pain
And I just can't explain
The feelings that remain
There she goes, there she goes again

(( It's true sweetheart…no one else. I miss you so much. ))

Off in the distance Lily could here the phone ringing and the answering machine picking up.

BEEP

"Hey Lily, it's me Sam…Lily pick up…I know your there…Lily…Fine don't pick up…" There was a long silence and then "Dammit Lily c'mon. :::SIGH::: Lily I know today is hard. I'll see you later okay. Don't leave without me. I'll be by in 30 minutes…I'll let myself in." Sam hung up.

With a sigh Lily got out of bed scooping up the cat as she did so. "C'mon Tiburon time to get dressed, what fabulous black outfit are we gonna wear today?"

Sam opened the door to the and stuck her head in "Lily?" She stepped into the foyer closing the door behind her as she called out again "Lily!"

((She must be getting ready. I'll just go upstairs and check on her)) Sam started climbing the stairs, pausing at the landing to call up to her old friend again. Then she heard the piano coming from the second floor music room and Lily singing.

She can kill with a smile …she can wound with her eyes
She can ruin your faith …with her casual lies

And she only reveals what she wants you to see
She hides like a child but she's always a woman to me

She can lead you to love …she can take you or leave you
She can ask for the truth …but she'll never believe

And she'll take what she's given as long as it's free
Yeah she steals like a thief but she's always a woman to me

Sam opened the door to the music room and stepped inside but the room's sole occupant seemed not to notice. (( Oh Lily…:::sigh::: she wouldn't want this for you. I never really did understand what you saw in her but I know you loved her. She loved you too, so much, she wouldn't want this for you ))

But she'll bring out the best and the worst you can be…

(( Well that much is true they did bring out the best in each other and lord only knows what I'd do if positions were reversed ))

She is frequently kind …and she is suddenly cruel
She can do as she pleases…she's nobody's fool
She can't be convicted …she's earned her decree
And the most she will do is throw shadows at you
But she's always a woman to me

Sam stood in the doorway as Lily played the last bars of music on the piano (( Billy Joel, this is not a good sign, she hasn't played the Billy Joel stuff in awhile. This is not good. I can't believe Beth left her last month, talk about bad timing)) She thought back on the last time she had spoken with Lily's ex.

******* Flashback ********

"I can't do it again this year, she gets so depressed and all she does is talk about the past. Everything is `we did this, we went here…I remember when we…. You know I'm sorry she's gone for Lily's sake, truly I am, but I want to be the other half of the `WE' and I'm not. No one else ever has been and I'm beginning to doubt that anyone ever will. I deserve better than that…I deserve to be part of a `we' and you know what Sam I could handle it if the `we' was the three of us. I have enough love for Lily and her ghosts but Lily can't or won't or maybe she just doesn't have room for anyone else."

****** End Flashback ******

It was true Beth O'Hara had deserved better, she had lasted longer than any of Lily's other girlfriends over the years. She had gone out of her way to include Lily's past in their future and in the end it hadn't been enough.

"I know you're there Sam. Intrepid reporter: Yes. Silent walker: NO." Lily closed the piano lid and turned to look at her oldest and dearest friend. "Thanks for coming today"

"Of course. No need to thank me, where else would I be today?" Sam opened her arms and Lily walked into her friend's embrace. "So the usual route…?"

"Yeah"

They went to the hospital first and stopped off at the Hospice coordinator's office to drop off a donation check as they did every year. Then it was onto the ten o'clock mass at Our Lady of Fatima afterwards Sam sat waiting for Lily while the Latina lit a candle for her dead lover and said the Novena. Some years the wait was as short 30 minutes, the first year Sam had waited 3 hours.

Lunch followed Greek, as always, it had been her favorite.

"Did you know that I never come to this restaurant during the rest of the year but I still have my secretary stop here once a week to buy me a supply of baklava. They make the best baklava here."

"You're kidding"

"I know it's horrible isn't it. I mean all these years talking about how women need to be respected for their abilities and talents yada, yada and what do I do use my secretary as my personal shopper." :::laugh::: "Oh well at least I pay her a lot to do it."

Sam winked " And it's only this one little thing"

"Hey I pay for her stuff too!" the petite Latina said in an indignant voice.

Sam reached across the table for Lily's hand "Lily…have you spoken to Beth lately?"

"No I …I don't think she wants to talk to me."

"I don't think so, it didn't seem that way when I spoke with her a few weeks back. She cared for you so much Lily… she loves you"

"Past tense, she loved me. I guess she just … she just couldn't hack it anymore."

"Hack what? Hack living in a house where she wasn't allowed to make her own mark to make it her home too or she couldn't hack being second best to your past. She's gone Lily she died 16 years ago and she wouldn't want this for you. She wouldn't want you to be alone and lonely. She loved you and I can't believe that she would want you to be unhappy. You can't believe that."

"I know… I know but it…it feels like I'm betraying her. I love Beth, I loved waking up next to her and watching her sleep. I loved waking up and being in her arms. It's just" Lily tugged her hair in frustration trying to find the right words to explain to her friend as she struggled to contain her tears "…it's just I feel like I'm betraying her. How can I be this happy without her? Huh? Beth…being with her…it fills me…it's different but just as good." her voice began to crack "Just as good…better because I know what it's like to have had it and lost it. Imagine my surprise to wake up one day and realize that I was exactly where I wanted to be with the person I wanted to be with. Imagine that, I thought I would never have that again. It scared me. It scares me."

"Tell her that. Both of them and listen to your heart, listen carefully and you'll hear her."

They sat in silence for some time before leaving each lost in her thoughts.

((Sam's right I know you wouldn't want this for me. My darling MC, my sweet beautiful angel you wouldn't want this for me. I'll never stop loving you, you were my first love…my first true love. You probably would have liked Beth you have the same sense of humor and sometimes the things that come out of her mouth remind me of you. She makes me smile and feel warm inside and out. She has an accent that gets worse when she is angry or really excited about something and sometimes she has to repeat things two or three times so that I can understand her))

(( I hope things are different for you this year Lily. I hope you get your head out of your ass and take what Beth has offered you. I hope you move forward))

Sam's cell phone rang and she answered "Hello… hey is everything okay? Is it time? Do you … okay. No … no she's fine you want to say hi? Sure…hold on a sec… I love you too." She handed the phone to Lily.

"Hello"

"Hello and how is the godmother of my children today?"

"Hello Harrison, I've had better had worse. Are you coming tonight?…no Sam didn't tell me that…yeah I guess that's a pretty good reason. We'll miss you….is that Bobby I hear… yeah let me talk to him…hey what's kickin' chicken?…no not tonight honey I'll come down next weekend and I promise it'll be just you, me and all the candy and popcorn we can carry to our seats…okay but your mommy on the phone…Brooke hi how are you feeling…" Suddenly Lily laughed "okay so maybe I didn't want to know that little detail and I doubt that your ankles are going to explode any way…Thank you, I know you miss her too…Beth? I haven't talked to Beth in a few weeks…I know I know your better third here has been telling me the same thing…yes…yes you're right…uh-huh I will…soon…Brooke!!…what do you mean before the baby is born you're due next week…oh okay but only `cause I'd hate to be the reason your ankles exploded or something…yes…okay I love you too…here she is" Lily handed Sam the phone.

"Hi honey…yeah I did…Billy Joel…not as bad as a few years ago…42 minutes…I don't know hold on I'll ask…" Sam covered the mouth piece and turned to her friend.

"Hey what movie are we going to?"

"I thought the Thalia Revival House… they're showing `Deliverance'…it seemed appropriate in a warped sort of way"

Sam started talking into the phone again "Deliverance…it's not that funny Brooke…okay, okay it IS funny… yes I did…I think so…well we'll see…I …okay call…love you, hugs and kisses to the kids."

"We're here."

"Deliverance huh?"

"Sure why not?"

"Oh I don't know…that accent always did annoy the snot outta me and its prototype is bound to be heard throughout."

"Sam?" Lily whined.

"Liiiilllllyyyyy… oh okay."

"Brooke sounded well"

"Yeah she's just at that stage where she feels like crap all the time and she is hell bent and determined to make sure Harrison and I know it. It's good … things are very good with us."

"Would you have thought this in HS? You know that you would be with both of them. The three of you together all these years …it's great really great." Her voice caught and Lily began to cry.

"Sh…sh…Hey Lily look at me. You had 6 good years, wonderful years filled with laughs and family and friends. Today is the day we celebrate that, remember?"

Lily sniffled "Yeah you're right… two tickets please"

"Um a lot of that could be blamed on inbreeding right? `Cause if it can't and that's what going back to nature and the great outdoors gets you then I am never letting my children leave the city limits."

"What time is it?"

"4:30 what time are the caterers coming?"

"We better hurry then. They should be there at 5:30"

"Who's coming this year?"

"Josh and his latest Twinkie, Carmen and Sugar and their two boys, my mother and my cousin Jimmy, her mom couldn't make it this year. You and me."

"You could ask Beth to come you know? She would."

"You know Beth is the only woman I ever dated that asked me about her. I mean more than the basics. She even had all my pictures and videos of us put on a DVD for my birthday last year. No one ever made me feel like there was room enough for all of us."

"That's gotta count for something Lily?"

"It does…it counts…it counted for a lot."

"Call her."

"Ok"

One year later

"Lily, sweetheart come on. Our reservation is for 1230 sharp."

Lily came flying down the stairs jacket in one hand car keys in the other "hey lets remember to get some extra baklava we forgot when we were there last month."

Beth smiled at her lover "Don't forget Carmen's pregnant again and she really likes the baklava."

"Great I thought it was tiramisu that she `loved' I ordered it special from the caterers and everything for tonight."

"I'm sure it will all go."

"Beth…thank you… for everything for this last year…for loving me…for loving her."

"Your welcome, my love always."

Well what do you think? Completely maudlin crap or just complete crap? You make the call.