Title: Hurt

By bwpbard

Email: bwpbard@hotmail.com

I have to warn you, my native language is Danish, not English. Spelling and grammar. I'll try my best..

Disclaimer: Unfortunately I don't own any of them 'sigh'. I really want to own Marina - no make that Karina - just for an hour or so (I'm not greedy).. thanks.

Pairing: Marina/

Rating: Not much erotica, violence or dirty words going on here - there's a LOT of talking, though, but please read it anyway!

I've rearranged the order of some of the events in the final. Why? Because I needed a plot and an ending.

This is a "tell, not show" kind of story - not much action, but a lot of thinking and talking. Hope you like it anyway.

Meeting Marina part 2 (sort of)

Part 1

"I saw that the light was on," I was embarrassed, but I tried hard not to show it. I didn't know why I stood her knocking at the door at this late hour.

She smiled and opened the door. "Come on in, I'll get you some coffee. Or.?" One of her sculptured eyebrows rose high. "Something stronger perhaps?"

"No, no," for some odd reason I blushed, "coffee's fine, thank you."

Gallantly as always she pulled out a chair for me and I sat down, all over sudden feeling very nervous. I wasn't used to being alone with her like this, without the others around to manage the talking. And at best Marina wasn't very talkative and I found the thought of me holding up the conversation by myself very unsettling.

I watched her while she got the coffee ready for me and made tea for herself. She looked different somehow. Marina always seemed so calm, so cool and collected, I sometimes envied her that, but tonight.. A nervous energy of some sort surrounded her, her dark eyes dull and swollen - like she had been crying.

No, Marina didn't cry, did she? Of course I knew that she probably did, like anyone else, but it was very hard imagining the cool, beautiful, almost aristocratic woman succumb to such a trivial and common activity as crying her eyes out. She was much too.too regal and controlled to allow emotions that could mark her beauty, her composure like that.

I couldn't help but laugh at myself for such ridiculous thoughts. Marina raised a dark sculptured eyebrow at me, but said nothing. I blushed and averted my eyes.

"Here you go."

Gratefully I took the cup and sipped the hot fluid. She made damn good coffee.

She sat down in the chair in front of me and I could feel her eyes bore into me, obviously sensing that something was wrong. I kept my eyes firmly on the coffee. Why the fuck did I end up here? With Marina, West Hollywood's silent enigma number one, of all people? The woman I knew absolutely nothing of substance about and who's dating ethics was. to say it politely. interesting and... unconventional. Seeing Marina with Robin had really shocked me and it made me wonder why she wanted to mess Jenny's life up like that.

Marina was a player, everybody knew that when they entered her realm of seduction, but this time she had taken the game to far. And with a woman who wasn't aware of the rules.

I had seen Marine being warm and caring to customers and friends, a dangerous, unscrupulous seductress with Jenny and others and self-effacing, almost subdued with Francesca. All together it made a very confusing picture.

And now I was here. Alone. With this woman. Seeking out her companionship for a reason still unknown to me. And she seemed like she had been crying.

I saw a picture of us, Marina and me, holding hands and crying our eyeballs out, not a word exchanged between us. I shook my head to make it go away. This could be the distraction I needed. I was tired of crying, and Marina.. I didn't know what to think of her and tears -combined.

Okay, now my thoughts were out of control, too.

"So." Somehow I had to begin a conversation, I was really uncomfortable with this continued silence, even if Marina obviously wasn't.

"So." I began again and shocked myself beyond shock when I heard myself ask: "What's wrong?" I almost swallowed my tongue when I saw both Marina's eyebrows rise in surprise.

"What makes you think something is wrong?" she husked, clearly almost as surprised by my boldness as I was.

And again I heard my treacherous voice respond: " You look like somebody ate your cat," Mr. Piddles popped up in my head and I send a silent apology for my inappropriateness.

"I do not have a cat."

Okay, that was an evasion. And I knew all about evasions, it was clear that something WAS wrong. Marina rolled her eyes, knowing she was caught. She sighed, probably deciding whether to ignore or acknowledge it.

"Like you, I have a lot on my mind," she said and stared directly into my eyes, making her words a challenge of some sort. And she was right. I had a lot on my mind, too.

Once again my voice overruled the brain and I asked: "Is it Francesca or. Jenny?"

There was a quite unexpected shock in her face, quickly followed by wry amusement. "There goes that theory about me intimidating you," she laughed.

And it hit me how beautiful she was, especially when she relaxed and laughing like that. "What theory of intimidation?" I asked, sensing that there was some sort of story behind that remark.

She looked at me for what felt like minutes following minutes, as always comfortable with silence. This time I managed to keep my mouth shut and let her decide whether or not to answer me. And then she laughed again.

"Now I know why I always liked you," she said, lips curled up in a seductive grin, eyes swallowed me up, burning my skin and made my stomach tighten. This version of Marina was not the friendly and charming host of The Planet I was used to, this Marina was dangerous, the one who made Jenny's world spin, turn and change forever.

"Am I making you nervous?" she said, her voice a low purr, clearly created to make nipples stiffen and pants wet in the crotch.

I swallowed hard.

She laughed again and warm, friendly Marina returned. "I have to tell Shane she's wrong," she whispered, clearly amused.

"Shane?"

"Never mind," she shrugged and took a sip of the tea, looking very pleased with herself.

Oh no, you're not getting off the hook that easy! "So," I began, "Are you going to answer my question or..?"

Once more both her eyebrows lifted in surprise. She laughed again, shaking her head slightly in surrender. "Okay, you won that game, didn't you?"

I couldn't help but smirk back at her.

"I will tell you mine," she said, "if you promise to tell me yours."

I debated for a few seconds about what I would gain by acting dumb and clueless, but Marina was a smart woman and she was probably very much aware of the state I was in when I entered The Planet.

"Okay," I said. "It's a deal." Not sounding that sure of myself as I would have liked to.

"I am in love," she said, cool and unaffected like she had just announced this days special on the menu.

"W..what?!" There had to be something wrong with my ears. Or the brain. Definitely! All the bad stuff that had happened must have taken its toll on my poor overheated brain.

"And I stand to loose everything I have worked so hard for."

I swallowed, frantically searching my scrambled brain for something useful to say.

"Francesca is working hard to destroy what she can. Probably getting me kicked out the country as the nicest gesture among those she has in store for me."

And then she laughed again, that incredible and highly inappropriate laugh that made my skin tingle, and it didn't even seemed fake. I was so surprised by it that I forgot to be concerned about how this version of Marina was affecting me. I mean, yes I always knew she was an incredible beautiful woman with an amazing butt. I bit back a nervous giggle. But she had never before made me tingle. Only one woman ever did.

God, now I wanted to cry again. It wasn't fair to Marina, desperately crying over one woman, lusting discretely after another, while listening to how her whole life seemed to be going up in smoke.

Misery obviously seeks company and it was clear that both Marina and I carried a lot of it these days. And I felt an uncomfortable pressure in my chest at the thought of my turn to tell coming up.

"I'm sorry," I managed to say around the huge lump in my throat. God, I wasn't worth a damn. Just a few days ago I was much better at this. I could deal with other people's grief, anger, sadness and I could be there for them, offering them advice. Why not now? Because a few days ago I felt secure, loved and I trusted the world around me - even when I lost one of the two most important things in my life. A few days ago I hadn't lost the other one. Yet..

Her eyes told me it was my turn now. "I.she. we.." How pathetic! I couldn't even get the damn words out.

Softly Marina touched my hand. "You don't have to tell me, Tina. I can guess. Bette and the carpenter, am I right?"

Oh God, brutally direct if nothing else. The tears came immediately, the feeling of extreme hurt, of being totally lost in the aftermath of the betrayal, the excruciating grief, welled up inside me. Lost, I was so damn lost..

Suddenly I felt strong arms around me and a husky voice caressed me ear. "I am sorry, Tina. I should not have said it like that. I'm sorry."

I cried for the umpteenth time this hour alone, my face buried in Marina's chest, her hands stroking my back, her words trying to sooth me, comfort me.

If I had been sane at that moment I would never have believed the sight of myself in this position. I would never have thought of myself as being a close enough friend to Marina to be smearing tears and snot all over her blouse.

Bette had always kept her at a certain distance, and I suppose making me do the same as a result. I don't know why Bette was so weary of her and I never dared to ask. I just loyally and devotedly followed Bette's lead. We were on friendly terms, but rarely spoke directly to each other.

Whenever I mentioned Marina, Bette got tense. It got worse during the early stages of the Jenny mess. As a consequence of Bette's reluctant tolerance of her, I never took the time to find out what was behind the exotic face, the warm smile, the guarded eyes and the husky purr that seduced practically every lesbian's imagination when they entered The Planet for the first time.

Not Bette, though, she seemed immune somehow. Or was she? Was Marina the first Candace? Marina's ethics in that department wasn't something I could rely on. And apparently I couldn't rely on Bette's either. And that would certainly explain a lot about the way they interacted.

Maybe Bette had been playing around from the beginning? Did I ever really know the woman I believed to be the love of my life?

No, I couldn't let paranoia take over like this. Our whole relationship hadn't been a lie. I refused to believe it. No!

For a few seconds I even considered asking Marina about her relationship with Bette. If she was another Candace in a long string of Candaces. But I decided that I probably would be better off with no further information in that particular area.

"She loves you." Marina's usual purr penetrated my thoughts and quieted my sobs.

"Maybe. probably.." The next words were so damn hard to get out, but I needed to air my fears. "But I don't think she's in love with me anymore."

'She doesn't want me, doesn't desire me, doesn't need me anymore', my inner ramblings continued.

I moved away from Marina's arms and dried my eyes. Right now I couldn't be a pretty sight, pathetic and needy like this, and suddenly that thought made me uncomfortable.

I wasn't desirable anymore and Bette realized that before I did. I somehow lost it during those 7 years of commitment.

Something in Marina's eyes told me she somehow understood what I was thinking. She moved closer, like a sleek, smooth cougar closing in on its prey.

"No, that is not true, Tina. This is the grief taking over, it's not you. I will prove it."

And then she kissed me - a slow, soft and sensual kiss that made my toes curl and my breath stop. Oh fuck, that woman could kiss!

Surrendering to the powerful kiss I found myself trying to deepen it - passion made my skin burn and everything else throb - but Marina wouldn't let me. Gently she pulled away and softly touched my flushed face in a more soothing than arousing manner. "This is not what you want, Tina, believe me."

And then she kissed me again.

Part 2

This time it was the comforting kiss of a friend. A part of me was disappointed, another very relieved. She was right, it wasn't what I wanted. This wasn't the right way to deal with Bette's betrayal - no matter how tempted I was.

I appreciated Marina showing me that I was still one to be desired - despite what Bette might feel at the moment, I was still attractive and there were other options out there for me - if I wanted them.

"You have to find yourself again," Marina said. "Not just being Bette's hausefrau."

"Hausefrau?!" I was appalled. "I'm most certainly not Bette's housewife!"

But wasn't it exactly what I had become? Someone taking care of our home, waiting to get pregnant and thereby even more domesticated. Boring they had called us, but the truth to be told, I was the one who had changed the most - not Bette.

I had become a very different person from the one Bette fell in love with - and it probably made her fall out of love.

"And then you have to decide what you want," Marina continued, ignoring my distress. "And go after it with all you got, hunt it down until it's yours."

"Like you did?" I asked, remembering the effective seduction of Jenny. And how she tried to make Robin a part of that game.

Marina's eyebrow lifted, and then she blinked, very slowly. I have never seen anyone else blink that way. Very sensual. highly erotic. Nooo, bad thoughts, bad bad thoughts..

"Bella mia," her voice was deeper now. "I tried, but I failed. I forgot the most important rules."

"What rules?"

"Never to forget who you are and what weapons work best for you. Never try too hard, when you are unsure of the outcome. Feel your way through and be sure before you strike."

Ouch, Marina was a cynic, but I think I already knew that.

"So you shouldn't have gone after Jenny like that?" I asked, uncomfortable with the lack of remorse Marina showed. After all she had messed Jenny and Tim's life up pretty badly.

She smiled, but the smile didn't reach the eyes. "No, Tina, I should have left Robin alone and concentrated on winning Jenny back. It was a mistake to drag Robin, the wild card, into the hunt." She paused and I though a saw a touch of pain passing her eyes. "Perhaps a fatal one."

I chuckled, trying to lighten the mood, and blew it immediately when I heard myself ask: "You're not used to deal with the matters of the heart, then? Without playing games.."

God, when had I become so. outspoken. Usually I was gentler than that. But I really wanted to know, and it took my focus away from Bette. Bette, fuck, I don't want to think about her. I'm so tired of crying, so damn tired..

A soft growl from Marina startled me and I was afraid that I had gone to far this time, but when I nervously met her eyes, I saw amusement and. what? admiration? in those dark depths.

Then she mumbled something in a language I didn't understand and shook her head. "Maybe I didn't learn about those matters the proper way. Like you and Bette."

These words made me flinch and my stomach twisted in pain. I wondered why she said that. Did she do it to hurt me for saying what I did about her playing games? Would she hurt me like that on purpose?

I swallowed hard. "I don't know if we got the matters right either, maybe I was wrong about that, too," I whispered. "Maybe we did play games with each other. Or maybe it was just her.."

Marina grabbed my hand. "No, Tina, she loves you, you and her are not a game, regardless of what she has done.

"H..how do you know that?" I trembled so hard that I could barely speak.

"She told me and I believed her. And I know about players, regardless of her behavior before you met, she's not a player with you."

"What?!" Did I hear her right? Did she talk to Bette about us? When? Why?

"She came here after you left her," Marina softly explained, "or rather I found her wandering the streets beating herself up about her own stupidity."

Bette, my Bette, had talked to Marina about our relationship. I couldn't quite wrap my brain around that concept. Maybe I was right; maybe there was a connection between those two, a connection that had gone sour somehow, explaining how careful and guarded they were with each other. Or Bette was - you could almost never tell what Marina was thinking OR feeling behind those enticing dark eyes and the beautiful face.

"And no, I can't tell you anything else. Just believe me when I say that she loves you the way you want to be loved. She just forgot it for a short while."

"Forgot it?!" I spat. "How can you even be so sure about this, you just told me you don't know anything about love!"

Marina didn't respond to that, her eyes just rested on me, patiently and as always revealing no feelings. I wanted to shake her, make her react somehow.

"Didn't you love Francesca? At least at one time you two must have loved each other, before all your games began."

Something flickered in Marina's eyes. "The thing called love comes in many shapes, Tina, if it's love at all, and some of them very unrecognizable for people like you." Her accent was heavy now. "Mine was called ownership."

"What?!"

"Francesca bought me and that meant she owned me. Still does."

"What?!" God, how lame. It was the third time that the only thing I could think of saying was an unintelligent 'what'. But I was speechless, I simply couldn't comprehend what she was telling me. It had to be some sort of metaphors, she couldn't mean 'own' and 'bought' literally, could she? Or did it mean something else where she came from? Or did she try to joke her way out of an uncomfortable situation? No, Marina was way too sophisticated for jokes like that and I knew I was grasping for straws, Marina was serious. Dead serious.

"She OWNS you? What the fuck does that mean - exactly?"

Marina just laughed, that highly inappropriate laughter she was so well known for. Some time ago Shane explained it as a symptom of a very wicked and extremely black sense of humor.

'Marina has a certain way for seeing things. Call it an instinct of survival. I really like it though. Unpredictable as hell,' were the words she used.

Shane, when she wanted to - and that was a rare occurrence in itself, could offer an unexpected insight to Marina's psyche. There seemed to be a certain understanding between those two, dating back longer than The Planet. Too bad that Shane was never one to tell tales, sometimes she was more discreet than the curiosity of the gang could stand.

Especially in the case of Marina, whom most of us knew close to nothing about.

She had to feel my stunned stare, my breathless waiting for an answer, but she didn't seem bothered by it and she didn't seem inclined to answer the question. And who could really blame her for that? How do you explain how you have been bought and are now owned?

"Do you love, Bette?"

"What?!" She threw me again; she seemed to be able to do that whenever she wanted to.

"Not a hard question, Tina. Do you love her enough to forgive her and fight for your love?"

Could I? Did I want to? My mind went back, reminiscing our 7 years together, the good, the wonderful and the troublesome times, too.

Had I fallen out of love like she obviously had?

My heart constricted painfully at the thought. No, that wasn't it. I still loved her, was IN love with her. Even through the hard times over the last year and a half - that remained an unshakable fact.

Why did I hesitate talking to her, listening to her, find out HER reasons for doing what she did? I never gave her a chance to do that. Maybe she did deserve it - after 7 happy - I snorted and once more made Marina's eyebrow arch - relatively happy 7 years?

"You think I should give her a second chance?" I asked.

"No."

"What?!" That woman really got on my nerves. I never knew what to expect from her.

"That's your decision, Tina, but you owe yourself a talk with her, to listen to her side of it, maybe things will clear up in your head after that - and then you can make an informed decision." Marina's dark eyes bore into mine. "If it's still your decision to make."

Oh God! My heart practically stopped at the thought of Bette moving on, entirely on her own. I got up from the chair. At least we had to talk, find out if there was something worth fighting for left between us.

I kissed Marina's lips softly. "Thank you."

She shrugged. "I wish you and Bette well."

I turned to leave, but stopped myself. There was something I needed to ask, too."

"Do you love Jenny?"

Finally I managed to get behind Marina's usual calm detachment, her eyes widened in surprise and for a short moment I saw pain, sorrow and love twirl around in those dark depths, before she closed herself off from me.

"And are you willing to sacrifice your games, your emotional safety blanket for her?" I continued relentlessly, daring for the first time to really turn the tables on her, taking a huge leap into her comfort zone where few people, if any I knew of, were allowed to enter.

Her eyes were cold now, but I knew she used the coldness to protect herself. It wasn't directed at me.

Suddenly she moved closer, grabbed me forcefully and kissed me hard. Every inch of me hummed with arousal. God, I couldn't believe this woman. I tried so hard to resist, but soon I found myself returning the kiss passionately.

Then it was over. She stepped away.

When I finally opened my eyes, she smiled at me. "Thank you, Tina. Now go."

Before I closed the door behind me, I stopped when I heard her prepare for a phone call. I listened intensely to her husky voice:

"Jenny. It's Marina. I'm sorry."

It surprised me how upset she sounded; her voice practically trembled with emotions.

"Seeing Robin, and bringing her tonight.."

Jenny had to be out. This was not a conversation. It had to be a machine Marina talked to.

"I think I'm in love with you. I know I am. And I would do anything to have another chance."

Wow. Marina finally gambled on love..

The End