TITLE: Why Me?
AUTHOR: Angelina
EMAIL: angelina2006@hotmail.com
DISCLAIMER: All characters belong to Touchstone Television
SUMMARY: Lily's POV as she tries to figure out her obsession with everyone's favourite Southerner
Why me? Why do these things always have to happen to me? Did I do something in a previous life to severely piss-off some higher being? I mean, I'm good person. I go out of my way to help people and animals and anybody who is in need of help really. I'm just your average teen activist type. So why the hell am I being forced to deal with…this? OK, so I'd accepted that I was…gay…or bisexual or whatever. My God I'd even admitted it to a room of assorted friends and enemies. Isn't that enough trauma and hardship for one lifetime? Or at least one school year?
Apparently it's not. If it were I wouldn't be feeling…whatever it is… Lust? Love? Morbid curiosity? For her of all people. I mean, it's not like there's a shortage of hot girls at Kennedy. There's Brooke of course, but she's a bit too conventional for me. So that would kind of lead on to Sam, who is just as gorgeous but with a bit more edge. Jesus, even Nicole would be better than her. But no, despite the vast expanse of ocean available, I have to go after the only fish who is possibly mentally unhinged. (Not that I condone hunting down defenceless marine life with cruel hooks or nets and leading them to their deaths by dangling tempting bait in front of their…sorry, got side tracked, but I do believe that metaphor should not be used as it encourages fish-blood-lust and…sorry, again.) What does that say about me? Am I perverted? Do I have self-esteem problems? Maybe I do…maybe I think that I don't deserve a normal relationship and so have condemned myself to a life of strangeness.
OK, let's be rational and calm about this. Why am I attracted to Mary Cherry? That thought alone is enough to make me cringe. But there's no point in denying it, I am most definitely attracted to… something about her, I might as well try and discover what it is. Right…so…Mary Cherry's good points…surely there must be some? Oh wait, I got one. She was really sweet about Lil' Babe, the lobster she had legitimately won in a bowling contest. Even though she had every right in the world to eat Lil' Babe, she graciously decided to do the right thing and send the little lobster back to her natural Maine waters so she could live out her life the way nature intended. So that gives me hope that she's not all bad. Plus, when I was sexually harassed by the guys she went to the trouble of designing a feminist manifesto to help stop that kind of behaviour. And by the way, I'm not totally naïve, I am well aware that the purpose of that was so that she could become Brooke's new `best friend for life'. But still, the thought was there. And…well actually that's probably about it for the `pros'.
Now, the `cons' side should be much easier. She wears fur. That in itself should be enough to put me off her for life. But somehow it just sorta makes me want to educate her and make her see the error of her ways…I'm pretty sure that if I took her to an abattoir where they anally electrocute poor little minks she's never touch another stole again as long as she lived. Right, another con, she's almost definitely insane. Come on Lily, get a grip, this should be telling you something! Sabotaging a friend's homecoming queen campaign, kidnapping people's personal shoppers, dressing up as a Geisha girl to impress the new principal, dieting almost to the point of extinction, becoming a stripper and calling yourself `Erika Estrada'? Plus Carmen is convinced that Mary Cherry stole some of her panties from her gym locker one time…I don't even want to think about that. Do these sound like normal things to you? If they do I'd suggest therapy, and lots of it. And yet there's still the attraction. Maybe I'm the one in need of therapy.
So to the big question. What am I going to do about all this? I suppose there's also the question of whether or not she'd want to… whatever…with me. I suspect there's more of it going around than we are led to believe. I've always had my suspicions about Sam and Brooke. Yeah, OK, so they pretend to hate each other (NB outwardly I pretend that Mary Cherry is the Anti-Christ). But how many mortal enemies do you know who spend half their lives exchanging meaningful glances and spend as much time in each other's company as those two do? Not many I'm willing to bet. I'm not saying they're having a torrid affair or anything…but the seeds are there.
And then there's Carmen who'd have you believe that she's the straightest girl on the face of the earth. But come off of it, if one of my friends had said to me "I'm not attracted to Harrison" my first reaction would not have been "Maybe you like girls." Do we think that maybe Carm was projecting a little? She instigated the whole `kiss' thing and then went on to deny it. And for the record, she wasn't all that great of a kisser. Nicole did seem awfully interested in the mechanics of the famous `kiss'. But Nicole's a whore and I don't think she's bothered who she sleeps with, man/woman/alien life-form, so she doesn't really count. Which leaves Mary Cherry. I'm not aware of her ever having a relationship of any sort with anybody. There was a rumour going around at one point about her and Adam or Billy Bob or whatever his name was. But that just might have been the meeting of two criminal minds.
I could just leave things as they are and hope that this is a phase, a disturbing and hopefully very short phase. But the problem is the fantasies. I keep having them, I think Sam suspects something. But then again, Sam always suspects something. Only usually it's about Brooke…see, again with the obsessing? Brooke can't use the bathroom without Sam convincing herself that it's a major plot to ruin her life. Sam's a tad self-absorbed at times. But anyway, back to my fantasies. It all kind of started when we were trapped in that bathroom and we had to tell each other out deepest darkest secrets. Well, when Mary Cherry discovered that her real secret was less `shockin' and scandalous' than everybody else's she decided to invent a scenario where she, Josh, Harrison and myself all slept together. At the time I was incensed at the thought of this. But afterwards I found myself thinking about it more and more. And lately Josh and Harrison aren't always there…it's just her and me. And I prefer it that way. And it scares me to death.
So, what do we have so far? A short list of `pros', a long list of `cons' and even more confusion than when I started this little rant. Maybe I should actually say it out loud to someone rather than talking to myself in my head. Sam's looking at me funny again, suspicious expression and all. I guess I've been quiet for a while. Wow, I have been quiet for a while, there's the bell, lunch is over. I haven't touched my vegetarian lunch selection at all and now I have to go to biology and sit next to Mary Cherry. And I just know Sam's gonna interrogate me at some point. Why me?
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