TITLE: The Vamp Trap
AUTHOR: Angelina
EMAIL: angelina2006@hotmail.com
PAIRING: Buffy/Willow & Cordy/Faith
DISCLAIMER: All characters belong to Joss Whedon and Mutant Enemy.
SUMMARY: Vamp Willow is stuck in the real world, what's to be done?
SPOILERS: Set after Doppelgangland and some reference is made to The Wish and Lover's Walk. This however, is an alternate world. Could maybe be in the aftermath of Girls Interrupted and My Slayer Lady.
AUTHOR'S NOTES: All feedback welcome. "Mochas?" "Yes please!" This is written in response to a challenge issued by Stephen
"You know this is all your fault don't you?"
"My fault? How is this my fault? Was it my fault that Red was feelin' all 'reliable' and went and cast some stupid spell with Little Orphan Anya?"
"No, but it's your fault that Anya is here in the first place isn't it?"
"Look C, for the trillionth time, I'm sorry I kissed Xander, it was dark, I was drugged, I thought he was you. It was just real bad timing that you turned the lights on at that exact moment."
"Bad timing, hmmm, maybe that's what it was when I met you."
"Look, it wasn't my fault that you ran away and skewered yourself on that pole, I was outta my head for a week with worry when you wouldn't see me. If you hadn't totally overreacted and let me explain we wouldn't be in this mess now."
"Overreacted? Well I'm sorry if I was slightly upset at seeing my girlfriend sticking her tongue down my ex-boyfriend's throat."
"Slightly upset, is that what you call makin' friends with the Patron Saint of Psycho Bitches? And what the hell did wishin' Buffy had never come to Sunnydale have to do with anything? Shouldn't it have been me?"
"Not everything revolves around you Faith…you just like to think it does, and anyway, Buffy was the start of my troubles. And let's not forget that I didn't actually know that the new girl with a sprinkling of fashion sense was going to turn out to be some weird veiny genie person and grant the stupid wish did I?"
"Come on C, you know you love me really"
"Glad you like to think so."
Cordelia smiled at the puppy-dog eyes Faith was sending her way, she never could keep up the haughty bitch routine for very long when subjected to them.
"Just be grateful that I'm a forgiving girl"
"Oh, I am C, I thank the Lord every single night when I say my prayers." Faith pulled Cordelia to her and attacked her lips, an attack the other girl surrendered to willingly.
"Ahem!" Faith released a slightly dazed Cordelia and turned to face the assembled crowd. Buffy had been the one to interrupt the heated embrace and was standing tapping her foot impatiently. Willow stood behind her, a precautionary measure it seemed, her hands were on Buffy's hips, ready to use her as a human shield should the need arise. Giles, Xander and Angel stood around wondering what was going to happen next. Anya spoke up.
"By the way, I'm the Patron Saint of Scorned Women" she said, enunciating the words by way of explanation for Faith.
"Whatever, I liked mine better." said Faith, shrugging.
"Forget that. Now that you two have had your little argument stroke make-out session, what are we going to about her?" said Buffy, gesturing at Vamp Willow who rolled her eyes. After they had finished rolling they came to rest on Angel. She raised her eyebrows at him and licked her lips. Angel looked acutely uncomfortable and attempted to cover his studly body with his overcoat.
Faith and Cordelia looked at each other.
"Why you askin' us B? I slay, I don't think up stuff. And C here…what is it you do again hun? Apart from scream and run away?"
"I say insightful things which end up saving the day without anybody actually realising they have me to thank for it. Not that I want thanks or recognition, or money."
"See, it's Red and Giles are the brains, not us. I'm the brawn and she's the beauty, well, actually, I'm both." Faith grinned.
Buffy sighed heavily and turned to face the rest of the crowd. Willow turned with her so she was still behind her, watching her vamp self with equal parts fascination and apprehension. Angel also moved to stand behind Buffy, very aware that the leather-clad vamp was watching his butt as he walked and not liking it one little bit.
"OK, let's start with the basics." said Buffy. "Does anybody have any ideas why this spell failed and how we can fix it." Anya raised her hand.
"You don't have to raise your hand Anya, just speak." said Giles wearily.
"Well I wish you humans would make your minds up, I speak out loud in class and I get yelled at to raise my hand but now I…"
"Just tell us why the spell didn't work." Buffy said through gritted teeth, silently wishing they could send Anya back with Vamp Willow.
"OK OK, well, I think it was because I originally cast the spell to get back my necklace, it had nothing to do with getting the other Willow to come here - something went wrong, we don't know what, so we can't fix it." Anya smiled.
"So why did we just cast that other spell?" asked Buffy, confused and exasperated.
"Well, you all seemed to think it would work so I just went along with it." Anya turned to Xander. "Do you want to go get one of those flat Italian bread things with the cheese or some other kind of fast food?" Xander looked mildly interested, but Buffy's apparent fury prevented him from answering.
"OK, so we can't send her back. This means we're stuck with her, for the time being at least - what are we going to do with her?" Buffy threw the question open to the room.
"Why don't we just stake her? I mean, she is a vamp right?" Faith offered what she thought was a reasonable suggestion and was taken aback by the outraged stares she received from Buffy, Willow and Vamp Willow.
Vamp Willow turned to Buffy. "I like her even less than I like you."
"What? Come on Red, are you saying that if you got turned you'd want us to let you wander around killin' everything in sight just coz you used to be one of us?"
"Well, no…but this is totally different, this isn't even her world, she doesn't belong here, it's not our place to decide how she dies." She looked to Buffy for support but Faith interjected.
"Come on B, what difference does it make? She's not your Willow, I know it'd be weird and all, stickin' a stake through her chest…" Buffy and Willow paled significantly at this thought. "…but if she had been turned you'd be able to do it right?"
"I…I don't know…" Buffy pulled Willow into a hug. "I'm not planning on it ever becoming an issue. Would you be able to stake Cordelia if she got bitten?" Buffy threw back accusingly.
"I don't think we'd be short of volunteers for that job." Willow murmured into Buffy's ear, causing her to suppress a chuckle.
"Yeah, I would." said Faith with utter certainty. This earned her a slap on the arm from the girl in question. "Jeez, what now? I'm saying that if you were killed and turned into a vampire I wouldn't let the demon that had killed you hurt anyone else using your body, is that such a bad thing?"
"Well…you don't have to sound so sure about it." Cordelia pouted. "Couldn't you try to sound a little uncertain? Would it kill you to pretend that dusting me might be a little bit difficult? Buffy managed it."
"I think we're all getting a little side-tracked here." Giles stepped in before Faith and Cordelia could get into another full-blown argument. "We've decided that extermination isn't an option, so what are we left with? Containment? How and where?"
"Well I suppose the best person to…oh my God." Willow stopped mid sentence and covered her eyes with her hand.
"What is it?" asked Buffy.
"She's got her hand down his pants, again." Willow said, mortified by her evil twin's lewd behaviour. Buffy turned to see that Vamp Willow did indeed have her hand down the front of Angel's leather pants. He was valiantly trying to squirm away from her but she was very persistent.
"Come on Puppy, you know you love it when I do this…I can't wait to get you in chains."
Buffy went to Angel's aid, yanking Vamp Willow's hand back into full view and pulling her across the room, away from Angel's tempting crotch.
"You're no fun." said Willow's Doppelganger, sticking her bottom lip out. "I can't believe you," she now addressed Willow, "not only do you have strange dress sense but you're going out with a slayer? I'm so ashamed."
"Just be quiet," said Buffy, impatiently. "OK, her idea about chains might not be so bad." Angel looked up, alarmed. "No, not you, her. We can chain her up at the mansion until we figure out what we're going to do with her…." Buffy's voice trailed off as her attention was drawn by something in the corner of her eye.
"Stop looking at her boobs." Willow scolded.
"I wasn't…I…they're your boobs actually, you can't be jealous."
"Well, just stop looking at them on her."
Buffy sighed. This situation did not look good for the future of the Scooby Gang.
"Mmmmhmmmm…oh God…yuh huh…right there baby."
"Faith, do you think you could leave her alone for a second? I really don't want to hear her porn-star impressions right now." Buffy was very pissed off as she had been chosen to restrain Vamp Willow on the journey to the mansion.
Faith removed her head from between Cordelia's bosoms. "Well if the big guy could find his keys we wouldn'ta got bored, would we?" Angel was fumbling through all his pockets, finding stakes, vials of holy water, the occasional Life-Saver covered in little pieces of lint.
Vamp-Willow had been watching Faith and Cordelia with some interest. She now turned to Buffy, "You spoil everybody's fun."
"Yep, that's me, a regular party-pooper!" Buffy wanted to scream. "Nobody cares that maybe I want some fun too, but I can't get it because I'm having to make sure that some psychotic vampire version of my girlfriend doesn't kill anyone." She sighed heavily.
"Well, if you want fun…" Vamp Willow ran her hand down Buffy's thigh.
"Hands! Hands where we can see them Missy!" Willow was not prepared to watch herself feeling up her girlfriend…that was just too twisted.
"Found them!" Angel had finally located the elusive keys and unlocked the door. He stepped aside, always the gentleman, letting the ladies in first. He tried not to flinch when Vamp-Willow squeezed his ass on her way past but it was difficult. All that leather got him kind of aroused; he'd only just learned to control himself around Faith.
"OK, where are the chains?" Buffy asked, eager to have the vamp shackled and out of her hands.
"Over here," Angel hurriedly found the chains and hooked them through a big metal thingie protruding from a wall. He pulled hard on them to test their strength. Satisfied that they would hold Vamp-Willow he stepped well away from her while Buffy and Faith got her chained up.
"Slayers and chains…I could have so much fun in my world with this…and you'd join us puppy wouldn't you? And I'd ride you all night and…"
"I think that's quite enough." Giles spoke up before any more disturbing images of Angel and Willow had engraved themselves on his mind. "Now that we have her contained…what are we going to do with her?"
This stumped the gang. Coming to the decision to chain her up had been difficult enough. None of them had really thought any further ahead than that. Buffy looked around, everyone looked deep in consideration. Except Faith and Cordelia who seemed to be trying to devour each other. Buffy noticed that the group was a few members short.
"Uh, quick question…where is Xander?"
Cordelia extracted herself from Faith's mouth to reply. "Oh, I saw Anya dragging him off somewhere on the way over, she was talking about getting some 'cold, hard milk that makes your head hurt' or something."
"Fabulous. Another demon girlfriend. And we thought Cordelia was bad enough." Buffy mumbled. Only Faith's enhanced hearing picked up on the insult.
"Hey B, you're one to talk, datin' vampires and witches an' all."
"Whatever." She turned to the sensible members of the group. "OK, we need ideas and we need them fast. What are our options here?"
"I suppose rehabilitation isn't possible?" asked Willow, hopefully. "I mean, can't we train her not to kill people?"
"Yeah Red, I'll get me a whip and a chair and tame her." Faith laughed at her suggestion.
"I don't know, I think you'd look pretty hot brandishing a whip," said Cordelia, throatily. "I've always had kind of an Indiana Jones fetish."
"I'll keep that in mind C." Faith growled, reattaching herself to Cordelia's lips.
"Oh for God's sake, get a room!" Buffy shouted.
"Good idea B." And with that Faith and Cordelia slipped out of the door towards Angel's staircase.
"Right, now that they've gone, we really need to come up with some realistic suggestions," said Buffy.
"I don't think that Willow's suggestion was all that silly. I mean, what is Angel if not a rehabilitated vampire?" asked Giles.
"You want to give her her soul back?" Willow enquired, wide eyed.
"Won't that be a bit strange?" Angel piped up. "Won't that mean that she's…well …Willow again? And plus she'll be Willow with an incredible amount of guilt and pain…I just think that it might affect everyone too deeply to try something like that."
"Yeah, I don't like the thought of having another me in the world…especially if she was gonna be all broody and start wearing long black coats all the time."
"I don't want my soul back, I hate having a soul, it's no fun."
"I think there's only room for one Willow in anyone's world" said Buffy, slipping an arm around Willow's shoulders.
"So we're back to square one, sending her back to her own reality, which no-one knows how to do." Giles said, exasperated.
"Uh guys, we have another problem."
Buffy, Willow, Giles and Angel all turned to look at Xander who had entered with Anya at his heels.
"Spike's back in town and he's out to get Willow." Xander was breathing heavily and had obviously been running. Upon hearing his news Willow had snuggled deeper into Buffy's arms.
"How do you know this?" asked Giles.
"We went by Willy's bar, Anya wanted a beer and I knew he wasn't exactly discerning about his clientele. Anyway…" he continued, ignoring Giles' disapproving stare, "…Willy says that Spike was in there earlier tonight mouthing off about how he was gonna make the slayer suffer. And that he wasn't taking any chances this time, he was gonna kill her girlfriend before she could kick his ass again."
"Great, this is all we need." Buffy muttered, burying her nose in Willow's hair while she tried to think.
"Uh, guys…I have a really bad idea." said Willow, echoing Buffy's earlier words. The assembled group looked at Willow, then at Vamp Willow, then back to Willow. "Spike wants me, right? Well, why don't we give him me…only with vamptastic strength?"
"I don't know Will, how would we know that she wouldn't want to join him?" Buffy whispered.
"Ummm, coz she knows that there would be two slayers after her if she did? One of whom is a bit more anxious to stake her than I'm comfortable with." Willow shivered, remembering Faith's earlier suggestion.
The group turned again to look at Vamp Willow. She finally realised their intentions for her.
"You want me to fight someone. Fine, I like fighting, especially the pain and screaming parts. But I am not wearing that fuzzy pink thing…ever again."
Faith and Cordelia descended the staircase, smiling and satisfied…for the moment. The sight that greeted them was not what they had expected at all. Buffy and Vamp-Willow had swapped outfits for some reason. And Willow had become very interested in the contents of the leather bustier Buffy now wore.
"So this is the plan is it? Everybody swaps clothes? What, is it like some big slumber party?" Faith asked grinning.
"No Faith, if you had been here instead of wherever you were you would know that Spike's back in town and wants to kill Willow." said Buffy, really enjoying the moral high ground Faith's libido afforded her. "So we're going to let Vamp Willow loose on him for a while."
"Vamp Willow…that's far too long a name, we can't keep callin' her that all the time." said Faith who never expended more energy than required on people's names.
"So what do you suggest?" asked Willow. "Because we're not calling her Willow…because that's me."
Faith thought for a moment. "Why don't we call her Bug? Geddit? Vamp-Willow? V-W? V-W Bug?"
Faith laughed long and loud at her suggestion. Cordelia watched with an air of pity.
"You can see I don't go out with her for her dazzling wit."
During this little exchange Vamp Willow had come up beside Cordelia.
"I like your outfit." she said flirtatiously.
"Well duh! Of course you do." Cordelia shook her head, as if it was possible to fault her fashion sense.
"You tasted so good when I ate you."
"WHAT?!?" Faith had now stopped laughing and had a stake poised in front of VW's still heart. "And when exactly did this 'eating' take place?" She looked accusingly at Cordelia who was just as clueless as she was.
"In my world." VW's bottom lip stuck out as she reminisced. "Xander and I shared her, we drank her blood and it tasted so sweet…I could feel her fear…she was trembling in my arms…I love it when they tremble." She looked at Faith and licked her lips, taunting her. Faith drew the stake back but was restrained from plunging it home by Buffy and Angel.
"You just keep your hands and teeth and any other parts of your body away from my girl. You got that?" Faith shouted as she struggled with her assailants. Cordelia came and stood behind Faith, she now knew how Angel had felt earlier and she didn't like it.
VW sighed and tugged at the silvery vest thing Buffy had given her.
"Now what's wrong? You're not wearing the pink thing." Buffy had been annoyed about having to wear VW's leather ensemble but seeing the effect it had on Willow had lessened the discomfort.
"I know but…doesn't anybody wear basic black in this world? Except my puppy of course." She growled low in her throat at Angel who now joined Cordelia behind Faith.
"OK, so the plan is that we put Vamp Willow out somewhere that Spike will find her. We hide and watch her beat him up, then we stake him and come back here for coffee and donuts." Buffy looked around for confirmation, received none and took this to mean that at least no-one disagreed with her. "Well, let's get this over with." She took Willow's hand as they exited the mansion. "I hope I don't have to fight in this outfit, it's kind of restrictive."
"That's one word for it."
Vamp-Willow stood in the middle of a small clearing. She was thoroughly bored and losing hope fast of ever getting to fight anyone. In nearby bushes Buffy, Willow, Faith and Cordelia were hiding, ready to step in should the need arise. Anya and Xander had sneaked off again. Angel and Giles were in a similar set of bushes across the clearing. Vamp Willow kept making very rude gestures at those particular bushes to keep herself entertained.
"I'm sorry Cordelia." Willow whispered, the guilt becoming too much for her.
"For what?"
"For biting you."
"Shit C, is everyone gettin' a piece of you? When the hell did Red bite you?"
"No, not me personally…you know…in the other world place."
"Oh, well, that's OK Willow…I'm not one to hold grudges against people for things their alternate selves did in another world."
"Thanks." Willow felt better now. Except for when she thought about drinking Cordelia's blood, then she felt queasy.
"Shhhhh, there's Spike." said Buffy, watching the peroxide blonde's approach.
And Spike it was. He was staggering slightly, obviously Willy's hadn't been the only public house he had frequented since his arrival in Sunnydale. Vamp Willow perked up when she realised she was going to get some violence after all.
"Spike?" she asked, just to make sure she had the right guy.
"Red? Jesus, what you doing out here all alone? No-one ever tell you that you can get hurt at night in a place like this?"
"Uh, yeah…but I'm so young and…naïve…that I just had to have a walk in the nice night air." She put a finger in her mouth. "Are you going to kill me now?"
"Normally I'd jump at the chance love." Spike stumbled slightly over his words. "But I'm a man on a mission tonight…I got me a Slayer's bitch to kill."
"But that's me…I'm Willow…I go out with the nasty ol…I mean gorgeous and sexy slayer."
"'Course you do sweetheart, but I'm talking about the other one…the one with the nice cleavage." Spike got a soppy smile on his face as he pictured said cleavage. So did Vamp Willow.
Meanwhile back in the bushes there was a great deal of commotion taking place.
"So you're tellin' me that he never actually said he was gonna kill Willow? He just said the Slayer's girlfriend?" Faith was trying to sort out the details.
"Well…yeah…I guess so." Damn, Buffy hated being wrong.
"And your Goddess complex kicked in and you assumed that he meant you right?" Cordelia loved a good cat-fight, especially between Faith and Buffy, and so was eager to pour oil on the fire.
"No…not exactly…I just thought…wait a minute, you've never met Spike, why the hell would he want to kill your girlfriend?" Buffy struggled to maintain the argument without losing face.
"Aside from all the normal reasons?" Willow added in a low voice. She earned dirty looks from Faith and Cordelia but they were too busy with Buffy to reply to the comment.
"I have met Spike actually…he wanted to jump my bones one night…I refused…I guess he must've seen me later with C and it drove him wild with jealousy or somethin'."
"Oh Faith, I think you're rating your sexual attractiveness a bit highly here." said Buffy.
"No she's not." Cordelia put in with a knowing look. Faith beamed with pride.
"Look, we can sort all this out later…we have more pressing problems to deal with."
"Uh, guys…I think our problems have disappeared." Willow said, tugging on the back of Buffy's top.
The other three turned to see Giles and Angel spread-eagled on the ground and that Spike and Vamp Willow had vanished.
"Shit." Synchronised slayer swearing. They ran to help the men to their feet.
"What happened?" Buffy asked, looking from one to the other.
"Well, it appears that you weren't watching closely enough to know that Spike and Vampire Willow took quite a shine to each other…it would seem that they plan to marry soon. Of course, Angel and I attempted to stop them from leaving, assuming that the Slayers would come to our aid. When no such help arrived we were quickly overpowered and they escaped."
Buffy looked at Angel, shocked that he had put up such a poor fight. He shrugged helplessly.
"She gave me a wedgie!" He pulled at his trousers uncomfortably.
"Great, now Spike has a new wacko girlfriend and Vamp Willow has a new Puppy. Maybe they'll just get a house somewhere and live happily ever after?" Buffy tried to look on the bright side.
"Well, I don't believe they'll stay here much longer so we'll just have to stay vigilant and keep our ears to the ground." Giles dusted himself off and marched off in the general direction of his house. Angel also excused himself, still pulling at his underwear.
"Hey B, maybe next time you'll remember that there are two slayers in this town huh?" Faith smiled in a menacing fashion. She turned to face Cordelia. "You tired?"
"Not really."
"Cool, me neither." And with that they ran off towards Faith's skanky motel room, to engage in immoral liaisons. And a little screwing too.
Buffy sighed heavily. She turned to see Willow with a very strange expression clouding her features.
"What's wrong?"
"I was just thinking…I don't like the thought that Spike is…doing stuff…with someone who looks exactly like me."
Buffy sighed again. This thought didn't exactly please her either. She decided to look on the only bright side of this whole sorry affair.
"OK, but look, we get to keep the outfit."
A year later in an apartment in LA
"Faith, are you home yet?" Cordelia struggled to open the door with all the grocery bags she was carrying. The door suddenly opened and one of the bags floated out of her arms.
"Thanks Dennis, you're such a gentleman." She raised her voice. "Which is more than could be said for Faith."
"What are you yackin' about now C? I'm busy doin' the dusting if you must know."
Faith's voice came in from the living room. Cordelia was intrigued by the thought of Faith with a duster and polish and couldn't resist a peek. She was glad she looked for she found Faith stretching up with a feather duster to get a cobweb in the corner of the room, wearing nothing but her Indiana Jones hat. Cordelia's breath caught in her throat as she stood and watched the vision in front of her. Faith slowly turned around and grinned.
"I found it when I was tidyin' up in the bedroom. Thought you might like to make a sequel."
"Most definitely Doctor Jones." Cordelia said, her eyes still raking over Faith's body.
She moved forward and grabbed hold of her waist, drawing her into a long sensuous kiss. She continued to rain kisses down Faith's neck and shoulders as Faith spoke.
"Oh, we got a letter from B and Red today."
"Mmmhmmm?" She kissed along the collarbone.
"Sounds like the scary-fairy and X-man are getting' pretty serious."
"Good." She moved back up to Faith's neck, cupping her breasts as she did so.
"Giles is singin' in some café place."
"Whatever." Nibbling on earlobe.
"Oh and Spike got dumped again. Sounds like VW is obsessed with some little blonde witch chick called Tara or somethin'."
"That's great, now are you gonna shut up and start excavating me?"
"You don't have to tell me twice C."
And without another word Faith scooped Cordelia up into her arms and carried her to the bedroom, eager to get started on her next crusade.
THE END
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