TITLE: Inner Beauty
AUTHOR: Angelina
EMAIL: angelina2006@hotmail.com
RATING: PG-13, I guess
DISCLAIMER: All characters belong to Touchstone Television (I think)
SUMMARY: I watched 'Hope in a Jar' the other day (the Sadie Hawkins dance one) and this sort of popped into my head so I thought I'd type it up while I'm having a study break. It's sort of a missing scene thing.
AUTHOR'S NOTES: All feedback welcome.
Brooke watched Sam and Josh dancing and felt sick to her stomach. Jealousy was not a familiar feeling to Brooke, she was the person people were jealous of. She didn't actively seek to be this type of person, although Nicole assured her it was an enviable position, but it seemed that her life was what people aspired to. A sardonic smile graced her lips at this thought, if only they knew how imperfect her life was and how many problems she had they might not be so keen to be just like her. The current problem she was facing was the fact that she was jealous, not of Sam, but of Josh.
She had broken up with Josh when she had finally admitted to herself that she was attracted to Sam. Of course, this hadn't been the reason she had given him and she certainly hadn't told anyone else of her infatuation. Her friends weren't the most understanding or sympathetic people in the world. Nicole would most likely have to be institutionalised if she ever found out that Brooke had a crush on someone not of the `popular' crowd…and Sam of all people. And telling Mary Cherry would be like placing a front-page ad in the newspaper. So Brooke had chosen to keep this a secret.
She had asked Harrison to the Sadie Hawkins dance because he was probably the nearest she could get to Sam and still be male. Unfortunately he hadn't turned out to be quite what she'd hoped. She glanced over at him. He moved in a manner reminiscent of Frankenstein's Monster due to an excess of working out. She sighed out loud and turned back to the dance floor, feeling a stab of pain as she saw Sam smile up at Josh and reply to whatever he had said. Maybe she should just have stayed home, saved herself the torture of knowing that Sam and Josh were having a blast and would probably end up going out with each other - something Brooke didn't think she could handle witnessing first hand. She imagined walking into her living room and finding them curled up on the sofa watching videos, whispering, kissing. Her eyes stung with tears and she quickly looked down. Harrison caught the look and felt compelled to say something.
"You haven't stopped watching them all night. He'd take you back in a second if you asked him." Harrison thought he was being chivalrous by stepping down but the look Brooke shot at him confused him quite a lot.
"I don't want him back Harrison, if I did I would have asked him to the dance."
"So why…"
"Just…just forget it, it's not important." It's hopeless, Brooke thought as she turned back to the couple slow dancing on the floor.
Josh blinked to clear his head which was starting to feel like it was full of cotton candy. Who knew sweating could take so much out of a person? He looked down at the girl dancing in his arms and smiled conspiratorially.
"So, you think they know we're only doing this for revenge purposes?" he asked.
Sam's smile faded.
"No, no. I think we got them fooled."
She laid her head on Josh's leather clad shoulder and closed her eyes. Yep, she had everybody fooled. She almost had herself fooled. What Josh didn't know was that their `revenge' was aimed at the same person, that they were both in love with the same person. Sam had been quite content to go to the dance with Harrison. It would have meant that there was no silly boy/girl stuff. She didn't think of him as a boy, he was Harrison. Going with her best friend meant that she didn't have to fake something she didn't feel. The only person she felt anything for was Brooke and that was just out of the question. Once or twice she had caught Brooke staring at her and Josh. She would always look away as Sam caught her eye, obviously embarrassed to have been observed watching Josh whom she was supposedly `over'. A deep sense of longing pervaded Sam's heart and she pulled Josh closer, trying to block out her feelings.
Unfortunately she'd forgotten about the inflatable underwear she'd bought after Brooke's comment about her training bras. The increased contact caused her bosoms to swell in a very noticeable manner. Josh looked at her in wonder as she pulled away, then his eyes were drawn to her rapidly expanding cleavage.
"You eat something you're allergic to?" Josh Ford: Mr Sensitivity.
Sam attempted to cover her growing assets with her hand and tried desperately to think of something to say. But when an audible pop signalled the demise of her recently purchased undergarment she admitted defeat and ran off in the direction of the Novak, unsuccessfully trying to hold back her tears.
Brooke watched the proceedings on the dance floor with interest and concern. It looked like Josh had done something to Sam's chest and then insulted her. Ignoring the weird looks she was getting from Harrison she stood up and marched out to meet a very breathless Josh.
"What the hell did you do to her?" Brooke demanded.
"Me? I didn't do anything! Her boobs started doing something funny then she ran away."
Josh brought a hand up to wipe the sweat from his brow and leaned down, hands on his thighs, trying to get his breath back. Brooke looked at the stooped figure and decided that he really was clueless about what had happened. She turned on her heel and headed off in the direction Sam had taken. On her way she passed a very bedraggled looking Nicole, Mary Cherry and Poppy. She offered them a brief wave, noticing that they all appeared to be walking rather gingerly and continued on her way.
When she reached the door of the Novak she stopped and took a deep breath before opening it and entering. Sam was nowhere to be seen. Brooke walked a little further into the room before she heard the distinct sound of crying coming from one of the stalls. She approached the locked cubicle and knocked gently on the door.
"Sam?" she called softly.
"Go away."
"Sam what's wrong? Are you OK, you looked upset."
"I'm fine…*sniff*…just…just go back to your date, I'll be OK."
Brooke sighed and leaned her forehead against the cool surface of the stall door.
"Sam, something obviously happened out there and you looked anything but fine when you ran out of the hall." She smiled. "And my date really is kinda incapacitated tonight so I'd much prefer to be in here with you than out there with him."
She heard a short mixture of a laugh and a hiccup.
"Yeah, he is a bit rigid huh?"
"Just goes to show what people will do to be thought of as attractive."
Another laugh erupted, a bitter, regretful sound.
"Sam? Are you gonna let me in or do I have to stand here talking to this door all night?"
A pause.
"Speaking of things people do to be attractive…"
Then the door opened to reveal a very tear stained Sam. Brooke automatically reached out and squeezed her shoulder in a gesture of comfort. It wasn't quite how she wanted to comfort Sam but it would do. Then the cause of Sam's distress became apparent to her. One of her breasts was bulging out of her dress almost whereas the other one seemed to have…burst? Brooke shook her head sadly.
"Go ahead, laugh at what an idiot I am." Sam said, waiting for a biting comment.
"You're not an idiot Sam." Brooke said seriously, looking into Sam's eyes as she spoke.
"No?" Sam was a little taken aback by the response. "What would you call it then?"
"It's like Lily says, we're all forced to live up to images of beauty and attractiveness that we'll never achieve."
Brooke pushed a few strands of Sam's hair behind her ear, not noticing the way that Sam leaned into the contact.
"You are so beautiful in so many ways Sam…it's just really sad that you feel that you need to change yourself for someone to like you."
"You…you think I'm beautiful?" Sam whispered.
"I'd have to be blind not to think you're beautiful Sam…don't you know that?"
Brooke was genuinely surprised at Sam's lack of self-confidence. Sam projected such an image of not caring what people though of her and not judging people on looks that it hadn't occurred to Brooke that she might worried about her own appearance. Brooke took Sam's arm and pulled her out of the stall and towards the mirror. She stood behind Sam and caught her eye in the reflection.
"Look at yourself. People pay thousands of dollars to get lips like yours…and I know people who would kill for those eyes. But it's not even that Sam…it's you, it's your personality that really sets you apart. You care about people, everybody knows that you try to make the world a better place with your crusades and your journalism…even if you do piss people off occasionally."
They shared a smile at this last comment.
"And that smile…well on the few occasions you've smiled at me it's like I can feel a warmth inside me, just because of your smile…now tell me, how can you think you're not beautiful."
Sam gazed at her reflection as if seeing it clearly for the first time. She smiled at Brooke.
"Thank you."
"I wasn't saying it to flatter you. I was only telling you the truth."
Sam turned around and faced Brooke, highly aware of the closeness of their bodies.
"Well, thank you anyway…nobody's ever really said stuff like that to me before."
"That's probably because everybody thinks you don't care." Brooke reasoned.
"True…and I'm not totally obsessed with my looks or anything…I just wanted to look nice tonight…"
"Well, I hope Josh appreciates you."
Sam looked down at the floor and sighed.
"OK, confession time…you were right, I'm not attracted to Josh, I only asked him because I was mad at you for going with Harrison."
Brooke leaned back against the ledge in front of the mirror beside Sam.
"Well…I'm not actually interested in Harrison in that way…he was…I… I'm not sure what I was thinking of when I asked him anymore."
Sam stole a sideways glance at Brooke.
"So…are you going to get back with Josh?" she asked in what she hoped was a detached tone.
"What? Josh? No." Brooke hadn't expected that question. It was funny, when you know something it's easy to forget that other people aren't thinking in the same way as yourself.
"Oh…really? It's just…I saw you looking at him tonight when we were dancing and I just thought…"
Sam's voice trailed off in confusion. If Brooke wasn't attracted to Harrison and she didn't want Josh back…Sam didn't know what she was thinking. Brooke looked like she wanted to say something. After the kindness she had shown Sam earlier, Sam felt it was only right to return the favour, even if it meant hearing about some new love interest of Brooke's.
"So…you want to talk about it?"
"Talk about what?"
"Whatever's on your mind…and by the looks of things, on the tip of your tongue."
Brooke smiled.
"Believe me, you wouldn't want to know."
"Try me…I know it might be hard for you to believe, but I'm a pretty good listener."
"I don't doubt that…it's just…this is…forget it, it doesn't matter."
"It evidently does matter…Brooke, talk to me…isn't that what sisters do?" Sam grinned.
Brooke laughed. Bringing up the `sisters' issue merely complicated matters further. She shook her head and looked at Sam's face. She looked so understanding and ready to listen that Brooke couldn't leave her hanging.
"Uh…OK, I…I kind of have a crush on…someone…and I'm pretty sure that they don't feel the same way about me."
"Are you kidding me? Brooke, I saw how many applications for dates you got for this dance…any guy in the school would walk over hot coals just to spend three minutes in your company…."
"But what if it's not a guy?"
The whispered interruption had escaped before Brooke could stop it. And now she would have done anything to take it back. She was terrified to look at Sam. She really didn't want to see the reaction her little outburst had provoked. If she had chosen to look at Sam she would have seen her run a gamut of emotions. There was the initial shock of hearing the words, a quick stop at hope as she considered the possibility that Brooke had been referring to her and finally resignation that Brooke had a crush on someone who probably wasn't her. But she had to know for sure.
"Who is it?"
"I'm not telling you."
"Brooke, please, just tell me who it is."
Brooke suddenly became very fidgety and was concentrating on avoiding Sam's gaze.
"Just forget I said anything…and don't put this in the paper."
Sam stopped short, hurt by the fact that Brooke thought she would take a private conversation and use it in the newspaper. Although there was the cheating scandal thing…so she supposed Brooke had grounds for the accusation. But Brooke was shaking her head.
"I'm sorry Sammy, I didn't mean that…I get bitchy when I get upset… sort of a defence thing." She looked up at Sam for the first time since her admission.
"It's OK, I've been known to do the same thing myself."
Sam paused as Brooke looked back down at the floor. Suddenly something inside her reached a decision; she began to speak having no idea where the words were coming from as her brain wasn't really privy to the decision.
"Brooke, would it help if I told you the reason that I was mad at you for going with Harrison was that…was that…was that I was mad you weren't going with me?"
Sam finished the sentence in a rush. Her brain had just caught up with her mouth and was now pumping adrenaline all over her body as pure fear gripped her heart and squeezed. Brooke looked up as if in slow motion. Her mouth was open in a classic expression of surprise.
"What did you say?" she whispered.
"I…uh…I said…ummm…the…God I can't remember." Sam's whole body was shaking as she awaited Brooke's response.
"I mean, I heard what you said…I was just wondering if it meant what I think it meant."
Sam nodded mutely. She felt numb…and a bit dizzy…and slightly sick.
"I…I don't know what to say…"
Sam took this to be a negative response and quickly found her voice.
"Oh look, hey…it's OK…I mean, I didn't really think that you were talking about me earlier…I just…well I thought I'd kind of…show solidarity and…"
Brooke stood and moved so she was standing in front of Sam. She placed a gentle finger over Sam's lips to quiet her.
"Shhh, I was talking about you."
Sam's lips turned up in a smile under Brooke's finger.
"You were?" The words were slightly distorted by the digit.
Brooke nodded, still unsure of how to proceed. How does one behave when you find out unrequited love is actually…requited? She couldn't think of a single thing to say that didn't sound incredibly corny. So she took her finger away and leaned in and replaced it with her own lips.
Every nerve ending in Sam's body came alive as Brooke kissed her. The sensations were totally new but it felt…familiar, comfortable, right. Sam tentatively put her arms around Brooke's waist and pulled her in, deepening the kiss and the contact between their bodies. When the kiss ended they pulled apart and looked at each other bashfully.
"Well, that was…unexpected." said Sam, finally.
"Uh huh." Brooke agreed.
They looked at each other for a moment longer before leaning in again for another kiss. This time when they separated they put some distance between their bodies, needing to clear their heads.
"So…we uh…we should probably get back to the dance." Brooke suggested.
"Yeah…yeah, they're probably wondering where we are…we do have dates out there after all."
"Right, dates. We should go to them…but uh…you might want to fix your bra first."
Sam looked down at herself. She had forgotten the reason she'd came into the bathroom in the first place. It somehow didn't seem as disastrous as it had earlier. She smiled at Brooke and went into a stall to adjust herself. She came out holding the offending item of underwear and dumped it unceremoniously in the trash can. She noticed Brooke staring at her.
"What? Does it look weird without a bra?"
"No. Not at all. I was just thinking that you look amazing."
Sam blushed. She reached out and took Brooke's hand.
"Thank you…again." She glanced at the door. "I wish I could dance with you out there."
"Me too…but I think that would cause more problems than we want to deal with right now."
"Definitely…we'll talk more about this when we get home." Sam agreed.
"And maybe we can have our own dance later on." Brooke suggested.
"I'll look forward to it."
And with that they walked out of the bathroom together and headed back to the hall. There they sat with their respective dates, talking and laughing as if nothing had happened. No-one noticed the shy looks they exchanged over the table. The Sadie Hawkins Dance may have been a disappointment for most of the sophomore class at Kennedy High, but for two students at least it had opened up a whole new and exciting future just waiting to be explored.
END
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