Waiting In Silence

Title: Waiting In Silence

Author: A.M Glass

Rating: PG

Disclaimer: The characters from All My Children, belong respectively to Agnes Nixon, A.B.C. and the Disney Co. No copyright infringement is intended or inferred. The story along with any/all original characters are the sole property of the author and cannot be used without expressed permission first.

Author s Note: This is fifth story in what I might have called my E-Mail series, except I've diverted from e-mail for this one and Mama. Let s just say that this story follows these ones: Dear Miranda, Re: Apology, Miranda, and Mama. One last thing, Miranda calls Bianca either Mom or Mommy, depending on the situation.

I guess I should say that Maggie is mentioned in this one and in the following stories.

Mommy,

Mama said this might help me while I’m waiting for you to wake up. You’ve been in the hospital for the pass three days and Grandma has been crying off and on since then, although she tries not to show it.

I know you two have had your problems in the past but I know that Grandma loves you very much. Grandpa Jack hasn’t left her side and does everything for her. He made sure she had whatever she needed so she wouldn’t have to leave you.

I don’t think Grandma really knows how much she needs Grandpa Jack in her life.

Uncle Reggie stayed as long as he could – but he has that case he’s trying in court and there was no way he could get a postponement on such short notice.

He wanted me to make sure I told you that he expects to see you up and around. He said something about a pick-up game you owe him.

Did you actually try to play basketball against Uncle Reggie? Where was I when this happened?

Greenlee and Simone have by a few times and they have told me not to worry about you, that you’re stronger than any stupid bar of soap.

I know you’re wondering about Aunt Kendall, she’s been here almost as much as Mama. They left a few minutes ago to give us some time alone. They both think it’s important I’m here when you wake up, so you’ll see someone familiar and won’t get scared.

You don’t get scared Mommy. They don’t know you like I do.

The doctors have run a few more tests as you haven’t woken up like they said you would.

Grandma and Mama were having fits – although Mama’s classier about it.

Grandma was going on and on about who you were – who she is and that they had better get their act together – blah – blah – blah.

Mama said something to Grandma, who nodded and went to find Grandpa Jack.

You could tell the doctors thought Mama had stepped in to save them from Grandma’s rant. Oh Mommy, you should have seen it.

Mama leaned forward, smiling all the while and told them something.

I don’t know what it was, but BOY – you should have seen them. The blood drained from their faces and all they did was nod their heads up and down so fast it reminded me of those bobble-headed dolls Maggie liked so much.

You know the ones that look like...

Umm, I think I’ll just keep the rest of that thought to myself. I’d hate to think you might read this and see I’ve written something bad about someone you cared for – why? I don’t know.

One day Mom – we have to have a long talk about her.

A really long talk.

Anyway, getting back to “Take charge Lena” that’s what Aunt Kendall called her when the doctors rushed out of the room., they looked in my direction as they left. I’m kinda wondering if they were hoping I was old enough to make decisions for you, this way they wouldn’t have to deal with either Mama or Grandma.

Of course that’s when Aunt Kendall decided to tell them they had to clear the rest of your medical treatment with Mama.

“What are you talking about Kendall?” Mama asked.

Grandma asked her the same thing.

Well, I guess you never had Aunt Kendall get rid of the power of attorney you and Mama had drawn up all those years ago when you were still together.

Mama said she couldn’t believe it and promptly sat down rather hard on the nearest chair, her head in her hands muttering things in Polish, I’m not allowed to think, let alone say.

Aunt Kendall explained that you had asked her to hold on to it, “just in case.”

Talk about planning for a contingency Mom.

Does that mean you never had one with Maggie?

You really have to wake up.

The heart monitor went off... a nurse came in and checked you out. Some lead came loose. She said you were all right – not to worry, it happens all the time.

How can I not worry? You’re my Mother. I still need you.

I’ll be right back.

I’m back. I’ve been doing some thinking about Mama.

You know how I feel about her – don’t you Mommy?

How I would call her Mama Lena – well, if you ever read this, you’ll notice that I’ve been calling her Mama.

She usually corrects me about it, not this time – she hasn’t said a word, neither has anyone else.

So – you two have got to talk and start working on things. I’m not naïve enough to believe that you’ll both end up together as if by magic, but you could at least make an effort.

Mommy, Mama hasn’t left your side since she got here two nights ago. She washes up in the bathroom and both Grandma and Aunt Kendall have tried talking her into getting some sleep – that she isn’t doing you any good if she collapses before you wake up.

Mama would have none of it.

She said in no uncertain terms that she would rest soon as you woke up and she made sure you were okay.

Right now her place was with us. They stopped trying after that.

Do you know she talks to you when she thinks I’m sleeping?

She misses you so much, you can hear it in her voice – but she’s hurt. I’ve asked her before, what happened between you two – besides what Maggie told me.

I bet you never knew that while you were at work, Maggie was filling me in on your past.

All of it.

Yes Mom – I know all about dear old “Dad.”

She spoke about him. What he did to you. How Mama worked for him.

Everything.

I hope he’s rotting.

I wanted to talk to you about it but Fish... Maggie told me not to. She said it would break your heart bring either him or the worse night of your life up again.

Is it true you thought about having an abortion?

I... I think I can understand why you’d want to –but then I realize I might not be here – writing in Mama’s journal if you had decided to go through with it..

I guess I don’t have to tell you how happy I am that you decided to have me – let alone keep me.

There’s something I need to know. Did Maggie ever love you?

With all the things she told me about you, I’m surprised you trusted her, let alone had anything in common with her. I know how you value your privacy and she basically spilled her guts.

I know about Frankie – I’m sorry she’s dead. Maggie said Frankie meant a lot to you, but Mom... EWWW!! How could you? I don’t understand why... no, maybe I do. Maggie did show me Frankie’s picture – identical twins... hmm, I wonder what your therapist would think about this little nugget of gold.

She brought up other things...

Funny thing was, they didn’t match what Aunt Kendall told me.

She said that Maggie had shot you down a few times, telling you point blank she wasn’t gay. On the other hand, Maggie said she had stepped aside when you started having feelings for Mama – that she didn’t want to keep you from finding love, even if it wasn’t with her.

Excuse me, but that’s the biggest crock of sh... merde, I’ve ever heard. Yes, you can tell the French lessons are paying off.

Maggie went on – how Mama’s suicide attempt was just her way of getting you back after you had broken up with her.

Is she out of her mind?

When I asked Aunt Kendall about it she... she couldn’t believe it. She looked surprised Mom.

I haven’t spoken to Mama about it. It’s in the past and it doesn’t change how I feel for her. I’m happy she didn’t succeed, but I’m also very sad to know she found herself in a very dark place with no way out.

I went to the local church and lit a candle - I’m not sure if it does anything, but I said a silent word of thanks for Aunt Kendall. If it hadn’t been for her and Boyd going to see Mama...

I kinda felt better when I left, maybe that’s all there’s to it?

You know I’m going to tell Mama this journal stuff works. I think I might keep this up, maybe I’ll write about when we lived in Paris and the first time I saw Mama in person and not the photograph you have of her at the baby shower.

I’m getting sleepy, so I’ll end this here.

Wake up soon Mommy – I miss and need you, so does Mama.

Miranda.