Imagine

Title: “Imagine.”

Author: A.M Glass

Rating: PG

Disclaimer: The characters from “All My Children,” belong respectively to Agnes Nixon, A.B.C. and the Disney Co. No copyright infringement is intended or inferred. The story along with any/all original characters are the sole property of the author and cannot be used without expressed permission first.

Author’s Notes: This is what’s regularly called a song fic. I’ve done these before and except for one, I’ve gotten pretty good feedback on them. I’ve heard the song a few times on the country station I listen to from time to time. While listening to the lyrics I kept seeing scenes in my head, and I knew that I wouldn’t be able to get anything else done until I’d put this down on paper. I’ve taken two words out of the song, to make it fit within the story. The song still works, lucky me. Before I forget, this story jumps around in the story line we’ve had to put up with on the show and it doesn’t exactly stick to canon. This isn't what you would call "Maggie Friendly."

Song Information: The song in question is called “I Can Only Imagine” It’s sung by a Christian group by the name of Mercy Me. It’s written by Bart Mallard and can be found on one of two cd’s, the first being, “Almost There,” the second called “The Worship Project.”

Second Author’s Note December 27, 2003: I didn’t realize when I started, how difficult writing this story would become. I have had serious thoughts of scrapping it and getting back another one I’ve been working on. As I stated in the first A.N., I kept seeing scenes in my head, little did I know that by not having the lyrics down – by only catching the song on the radio that this had created a situation for me. I was simply thinking at first that there’s a story here when I’d heard it. The lyrics or rather the chorus itself is somewhat difficult to write around without seeming repetitive or having the scene feel contrived. The chorus plays a very big part in the song, so much so, that’s it’s used three times, with only three different sets of verse in between. I believe you’ll understand my dilemma when you finish the story. I’ve decided to put the lyrics at the end, so you! ’ll see how they read in their entirety. Here’s to truly hoping I haven’t bitten off more than I could chew.

Feedback: As always, entirely up to you.

Lena sighed pensively as she went over the books once more for Kendall. There was something missing and she was almost at her wits end trying to find it. Pushing back from her chair, she stood up, and walked around the desk. Her right hand resting on the small of her back as she massages the knot she’s developed over the last twelve hours.

She glanced at the remains of her lunch and grimaced, picking up the now soggy bag she tossed it in the trash. Wiping her hands clean she walked around her office, hoping to stimulate her brain.

“It’s there... I know it is,” she muttered to herself.

Knowing that she should get back to work, Lena walks back to her desk and sits down. Before doing anything however, she picks up the small picture frame that was next to the phone. She smiles. She feels the connection she has for the woman in the photograph flow through her. She gently touches the picture, tracing the face, her fingers trembling as she thinks of the first time they kissed. How it set her heart free. Free to love and be loved in return without thinking about repercussions of feeling so much for one woman – “Bianca,” she utters as if a prayer.

Putting the photograph down, her eyes glance to her hand, and the ring she still wears. She bites her lip hoping to keep the tears she feels at bay.

Lena had thought that Bianca would accept the ring, accepting her. She had already started making plans for the commitment ceremony.

I can only imagine

Her nights were filled on how Bianca would look when she walked towards her.

What it will be like
When I walk by your side

How their lives would be strengthen – how she would always be there for Bianca, as she knew Bianca would do the same.

How wrong could she have been?

It had taken everything, every last ounce of courage she possessed not to break down and plead with Bianca to change her mind. To say yes and protect her heart from the mind numbing pain that swept through her body at that moment.

Once the shock wore off, she put the rings away – knowing it would only be temporary and the day would come when Bianca would accept it. Lena knew that Bianca loved her, she was absolutely sure of that fact. Whatever the reason Bianca had for turning her down could not keep them apart forever. She wouldn’t pressure Bianca. She would wait for her.

Wait for them.

* * *

Lena felt as if the air had been sucked out of her lungs. Her mind was warring with itself. She couldn’t have heard what she had.

Bianca was pregnant.

Still.

Lena had no idea, she was sure that Bianca had gone through the abortion.

Bianca had lied to her.

Had been lying to her for months.

Lena knew she should be furious at her for hiding something this big. It seemed obvious that Bianca didn’t trust her...

Still.

That hurt more than the lie.

She looked into Bianca’s face, seeing the tears falling, Lena restrained her first impulse – to wipe them away. She wanted to take the pain Bianca had gone through and absorb it, making it hers.

This didn’t change what Bianca had done, but Lena would not take her anger out on her now, perhaps she would never be able to fully express to Bianca what it felt like to be shut out of her life for so long. To be left hanging, wondering if she’d ever be accepted again.

She would not put any undue pressure, now more than ever, on Bianca.

Thinking back, Lena recalled her words, what she had told Bianca. How she would stood by Bianca’s decision to keep the baby if she had decided to do so and would have defended her against anyone who might have said otherwise. She couldn’t help but notice the look of awe in Bianca’s face, as if Bianca might have expected her to say something different.

If Bianca had told her earlier, Lena would have proved over and over how much she wanted to be a part of Bianca’s life and the life Bianca carried.

I can only imagine

What my eyes will see
When your face is before
Me

She prayed as never before that the child, boy or girl would not only be born healthy, but, that the child would not be the splitting image of ... him. Lena had wondered what she would feel when she finally saw the child.

I can only imagine

Would she be able to hold the child in her arms and see it for what it was – a miracle? She had gone through so many scenarios in her head and she was sure that none of them would help her when the time came for Bianca to have the baby.

I can only imagine

She only hoped to be by Bianca’s side. To share in the birth of another piece of her heart, for as surely as she drew breath into her body, Lena was positive that the baby would find its way into her heart, just as Bianca had.

* * *

Surrounded by your glory
What will my heart feel,

Lena sat down next to Bianca and listened as Bianca described her plans to leave Pine Valley with Maggie by her side. Lena couldn’t hide her disappointment. She didn’t want Maggie anywhere near Bianca. She did not trust her - there was an underlying sense of longing in Maggie. Something Lena was intimately acquainted with and recognized even if Bianca was oblivious to it. There was nothing she could do at the moment. She would bide her time, wait for the perfect opportunity to present itself.

* * *

Will I dance for you or
In awe of you be still

It was New Year’s Eve and they had decided to go to the party being held at the Pine Valley Inn. Lena couldn’t get over how beautiful Bianca looked tonight. She was magnificent, radiant. Lena knew that this was the way Bianca should have always been – without a care in the world, her future endlessly before her. Without all the lies Bianca had told, perhaps thinking there was no other way for her to cope with what had happened.

Lena was brought out of her musings when Bianca laughed at something Maggie had said. Taking a deep breath before slowly letting it out, Lena counted to ten in Polish, French, Italian, and any other language she knew. Maggie Stone was not going to ruin her evening.

She wasn’t sure why she had been caught by surprise when she went to pick up Bianca and found Maggie waiting there as well.

‘Typical,’ she thought to herself.

Will I stand in your presence...

Lena had managed to get Bianca to herself for a few minutes when they finally arrived at the inn before Maggie found them. In the magical time prior to Maggie’s interruption Lena wasn’t sure how she was able to keep standing.

Or to my knees will I fall

She was weak in the knees – Bianca was holding her, thanking her once again – not only for accepting her invitation to the party, but for being in her life when it counted the most.

Will I sing, will I be able
to speak at all

She listened unable to do anything else as Bianca spoke. It wasn’t as if Lena hadn’t heard this before in one form or another.

No – it wasn’t that.

It was holding Bianca once more, feeling Bianca’s arms around her – Bianca’s warm breath tickling at her senses.

I can only imagine

The dress, which Bianca had worn for the occasion had accentuated her body, filling Lena’s mind with thoughts that were better left until Bianca was ready to be with her.

I can only imagine

Simply being in Bianca’s loving embrace however, filled the emptiness in Lena’s heart.

I can only imagine
when that day comes
when I find myself
standing in the sun.

One that could only be filled by Bianca, whos love she remembered shone like the sun. Her moment of perfect bliss had been short lived or so she thought. Little did she know what the rest of the evening would bring.

As they went back with Maggie to the ballroom, Bianca excused herself.

“Of course, take your time,” Lena had said. She watched as Bianca left to freshen up. “You’re not going with her?” she asked Maggie. She was sure that Bianca’s personal shadow would have followed her like a small puppy.

Maggie waited until she was positive out of earshot before turning towards Lena. “Look,” she started saying as her eyes locked on Lena’s. “I don’t know why she invited you to come along... no, I take that back, I do. It doesn’t mean I have to like it though.”

“Frankly, I don’t care if you like it or not. Bianca’s feelings are the only ones that carry any weight with me,” Lena said interrupting Maggie.

“You’re right about that, but don’t think for a moment that I won’t be watching you,” Maggie warned. “And as soon as you mess up – I’ll be there for her.”

“I have no intention of messing up – so be prepared to wait a very long time,” Lena replied, her voice cold. Her eyes shifted quickly to the right, she saw Bianca walking back to them. “Maggie...” she said, knowing the other woman hadn’t seen Bianca yet.

“Yeah?”

“She’s not in love with you… Bianca…”

Maggie turned around quickly, “Hey Binks.”

“I hope I didn’t take too long?” Bianca asked – noting the subtle tension between Maggie and Lena.

“Each second without you felt like an eternity,” Lena said, taking Bianca’s hand in hers

I can only imagine
When all I would do
is forever - forever worship you.

Maggie rolled her eyes.

“Lena...” Bianca gushed missing Maggie's reaction.

“It’s only the truth.”

“Hey, why don’t we sit down, I think they’re going to be serving dinner soon,” Maggie said, wanting to break Lena’s hold on Bianca.

“That’s a wonderful suggestion Maggie. I should have thought of it myself,” Lena replied. “Bianca?”

“I am a little hungry,” Bianca reluctantly admitted.

I can only imagine

“You should have said something earlier Binks. Are you feeling okay? We can go if you want, if you don’t feel up to it.”

“No. No, I’m fine Maggie – really. Nothing some cheese and crackers wouldn’t help.”

“Are you sure Bianca?” Lena asked, “We don’t have to stay.”

“Lena’s right,” Maggie begrudgingly conceded. “It’s only a party.”

“No guys, I’m fine.”

I can only imagine

“As long as you’re sure, but I must insist that the second you feel sick, anything, anything at all, you must let me know immediately,” Lena demanded.

“All right.”

“Remember, you’re eating for two Binks,” Maggie added.

Lena turned to her, “Maggie, your concern for Bianca is both noteworthy and commendable – however, I don’t think she needs to be reminded of that,” Lena looked in Bianca’s direction, “She’s quite aware of her condition and I sincerely doubt she’d do anything to jeopardize her health or that of the baby’s.”

“Thank you Lena,” Bianca said as she smiled. She knew Maggie meant well, but sometimes her best friend concern seemed stifling.

“I was just saying...”

“We are aware of what you were saying, but all this talking isn’t alleviating Bianca’s hunger. Why don’t you two find our table and I’ll get her something to snack on.”

“As long as it’s healthy,” Maggie added as Lena had begun to walk to the buffet.

Lena stopped and turned around slowly, “I wouldn’t consider getting anything else.”

Bianca grabbed Maggie’s arm when Lena had gone, “Maggie, that wasn’t very nice.”

“Oh, and what she said was?”

“I’m sure she didn’t mean anything by it,” Bianca said defending Lena.

“No, I’m sure you wouldn’t,” Maggie muttered to herself.

“What?”

“Nothing. Why don’t we go sit down.”

* * *

Lena looked at the different finger foods that were out, “No, she doesn’t need that,” Lena said to herself as she passed on the sinfully rich looking cheesecake. Once she was sure that she had gotten not only the most nutritious and the same time satisfying items, Lena felt satisfied and walked back to their table.

* * *

Maggie saw Lena walking to towards them, thinking that two could play this game, she reached out and took Bianca’s hand in hers. “Binks...”

“Yeah Maggie, what’s up.”

“I’m sorry for earlier...”

“That’s okay...”

“It’s just, you know I love you – and I want to make sure you’re okay.”

“Maggie, I love you too...”

“I hope I’m not interrupting anything?” Lena managed to say.

Bianca turned quickly, “Oh, you’re back.”

“Not a moment too soon,” Maggie added.

“Lena... Lena are you okay?” Bianca asked wondering what could have caused Lena’s face to become so pale.

“Yes, yes I’m fine. This is for you,” she said handing the plate of food she had brought to Bianca.

Bianca took the plate from Lena, placing it on the table without looking at it and stood up. “Lena... baby, what’s wrong?” Bianca asked.

“Nothing... if you’ll excuse me, I need to use the powder room,” she turned around and left. She walked away from the table and headed to the lobby, she needed to clear her head. Lena knew she was being irrational, Maggie had somehow managed to set her up to hear Bianca’s words. “Nicely done,” she said to herself. Shaking her head, she pushed Maggie aside, and focused on one thing or in actuality, one word.

“Baby.”

Surrounded by your glory
What will my heart feel…

Lena smiled, Bianca had called her “Baby”. She realized that Bianca probably wasn’t even aware that she had said it. For Lena it was a sign. Something Maggie couldn’t touch. It was the first time Bianca had used an endearment with her in months.

There was more hope wrapped in that one phrase than the hug she had earlier. It bolstered her spirit like nothing else. She knew that she’d be able to put up with Maggie’s interferences – her snide remarks, anything Maggie could think of.

* * *

“Binks... Bianca, where are you going?” Maggie asked as Bianca started walking away from the table.

“I need to know she’s okay.”

“Binks, she’s a grown woman. She can take care of herself.”

“I know that...”

“Then leave her. She’ll be back.”

Looking in the direction that Lena had gone, she told Maggie, “I have to go.”

Maggie tried to think of something else to say, anything that would make Bianca stay with her. She thought about telling Bianca about how she felt for her, except she wasn’t very sure herself.

Yes, she loved Bianca – that wasn’t a question. What was: was she in love with Bianca? And what about Jaime? Where did he fit into everything. While she questioned her feelings – Bianca had gone.

“Damn it,” Maggie cursed under her breath.

* * *

Bianca headed to the restroom when she spotted Lena standing by herself in the lobby.

Will I dance for you or
In awe of you be still

She froze.

She knew when she had held Lena earlier – before Maggie had found them, she had been basking in Lena’s presence. The feel of Lena’s arms around her had stirred emotions that threatened to overwhelm her

Will I stand in your presence
Or to my knees will I fall

Now looking at her from afar – seeing her as she hadn’t done in a long while, Bianca’s breath caught. Lena was... is the most stunning woman she had ever met. And Lena was hers for the taking, all she had to do was say:

“I want you... now.”

After a moment or two of searching her eyes to make sure this was truly what she wanted – Lena would have moved Heaven and Earth to satisfy her every whim.

That thought made Bianca swallow – her throat suddenly very dry.

* * *

Lena felt as if she were being watched. Turning slowly, her vision was filled by Bianca, who was standing a few feet away from her. Simply staring.

The look Bianca was giving her was so intense that for a moment Lena thought of glancing behind her – to see if there was someone else Bianca was looking at. Her curiosity got the better of her, walking to Bianca, Lena was surprised by the look of desire in Bianca’s eyes – desire for her.

Will I sing, will I be able
to speak at all

Lena tried to speak, but her words were caught in her throat. It wasn’t just desire Lena could see in Bianca’s eyes, it was lust. Raw, primal, and it rooted her in place.

I can only imagine (Yeah! Yeah!)

“Bi... Bianca?”

“Yes.”

Lena shivered uncontrollably at the sound of Bianca’s voice.

Surrounded by your glory
What will my heart feel…

“I... I…”

“Yes Lena?” Bianca said as she took a step closer, invading Lena’s personal space as if she owned it.

The heat radiating off them was palpable as was the underlying sexual tension

“We,” Lena swallowed, “We should get back,” she said stepping aside.

“What?” Bianca couldn’t believe what she’d heard Lena say.

“We should get back to the table – Maggie must be wondering where you are.”

At the mention of Maggie’s name – the spell that had woven itself around them was broken.

“You’re right... of course,” Bianca answered, vaguely wondering what had happened.

Lena closed her eyes briefly – centering herself. She had been mistaken about the look Bianca was giving her – wasn’t she?

* * *

“I was beginning to think I’d need to send a search party for you two,” Maggie said as Lena and Bianca rejoined her. She was actually minutes away from looking for them when she spotted them walking to her. She wondered what had happened between them – as they both seemed rattled. Something had occurred and neither of them looked as if they knew what to do about it.

“I apologize for taking so long,” Lena said as she held out Bianca’s chair for her.

“Thank you,” Bianca told her as she sat down and looked at Lena once more prior to turning her attention to Maggie. “Sorry about that Mags.”

“It’s okay Binks... are you still hungry?”

What Bianca was craving wasn’t listed on any menu and was currently studying the tablecloth. “As a matter of fact, I am.”

“I guess you’d better eat what Lena brought you,” Maggie said offhandedly.

“I guess you’re right.”

The rest of the evening went by quietly, if somewhat dismally. Lena was fully aware of the looks Maggie kept throwing her way. The phrase “If looks could kill” popped into her head – she knew if that were possible, she would have died many times over.

The only thing that kept the evening from being a complete disaster were the visitors that came by to wish them a “Happy New Year.” Kendall had stopped by with Aidan, which took Bianca by surprise. She thought she’d heard that Kendall and Ryan were seen going out once again. J.R. and his wife, Babe, also dropped by.

“Do you think something’s wrong with them?” Lena asked when they left.

“You felt it too?” Bianca replied.

“Ummhmm.”

“What are you two talking about?” Maggie asked.

“They, J.R. and Babe, they seemed tense around each other – which doesn’t make any sense. The last time I saw them together, J.R. was on cloud nine – now…”

“Now, it seems as if something has burst his cloud.”

“Burst his cloud?” Maggie asked, showing her confusion at Lena’s words.

Bianca laughed, reaching over hand touching Lena’s forearm, “It’s burst his bubble.”

Lena frowned momentarily, before smiling, “I see where that makes more sense.”

“Hey Maggie.”

“Jamie, how are you?” Maggie asked taken by surprise.

“I’m fine. Lena, Bianca,” he said acknowledging their presence.

“Hi Jamie,” Bianca replied.

“Jamie.”

“Maggie, I was wondering if you’d like to dance?”

“Go on Maggie, it’ll be fun,” Bianca urged.

“Yes Maggie, don’t let us stop you,” Lena added, secretly please by Jamie’s arrival. She had had to sit by and watch Bianca and Maggie dance from time to time, all the while seething that she had not done anything about it.

“Oh... all right,” she said knowing she’d never be able to explain her refusal. It wasn’t as if they were having a great time. She had had the opportunity to dance with Bianca, practically rubbing in Lena’s face. Always getting Bianca to admit she had fun dancing. Besides, she did like Jamie and it was New Year’s Eve.

“Great. Ladies, if you’ll excuse us,” Jamie said as he took Maggie’s hand and led her to the dance floor.

Lena waited until they gone before placing her napkin on her plate and stood up.

Bianca turned in Lena’s direction when she heard the chair moving.

Will I dance for you or
In awe of you be still

Lena knew this was the prefect moment – Maggie would not be an obstacle. “Dance with me?”

Bianca’s heart fluttered, it was true she had danced with Maggie, but she had really wanted to dance with Lena. To Bianca, it seemed to her that Maggie was trying to keep her from having any type of contact with Lena.

“Bianca...”

Will I stand in your presence…

“I would love to Lena,” she answered honestly and was quite pleased by the smile that now graced Lena’s features.

Or to my knees will I fall…

Lena took Bianca’s hand in hers – her thumb gently tracing the back of Bianca’s hand. She wasn’t sure why she felt nervous all of a sudden. Perhaps she realized that by dancing with Bianca, she would be experiencing the most intimate thing she’d done in ages.

As they reached the dance floor, Lena took great pains not to crowd Bianca. She would let Bianca dictate the distance between each other.

Bianca wondered as they started dancing why Lena was keeping her distance. This would not do, not at all.

Will I sing...

Lena’s breath caught when she felt Bianca’s body press itself against hers. Bianca’s arms slid up and draped themselves around the back on Lena’s neck, while she rested her head on Lena’s chest.

Will I be able to speak at all

‘Oh my God!’ Lena said to herself as she tentatively gathered Bianca closer.

I can only imagine (Yeah!)

Bianca was lost, she was found, she never wanted to leave Lena’s embrace.

I can only imagine (Yeah! Yeah!)

Lena’ was in seventh Heaven – this is where she belonged. This was her home, without thinking about it, she placed a kiss on Bianca’s temple – hearing Bianca sigh.

I can only imagine (Yeah! Yeah!)

Maggie bit her lip – she had spotted Lena and Bianca dancing together as she knew they would as soon as she had left the table. She wanted to stomp over there and pull Bianca out of Lena’s embrace, she was stopped before she’d ever took her first step when she witnessed Bianca bridge the gap between Lena and herself and how Lena had held Bianca closer.

“Jamie...”

“Yeah?”

“Will you take me home?”

“Are you okay?”

“I’m fine, I’m just tired.”

“Let me get my coat.”

I can only imagine

“Ten... nine... eight... seven…”

Bianca pulled back when she heard the countdown. She stared into Lena’s eyes.

“Six... five... four…”

‘Ah... another hug,’ Lena thought as the countdown to the New Years continued.

I can only imagine

“Three…”

I can only imagine

“Baby, do you know how much I love you?” Bianca asked as they stared into each other eyes.

I can only imagine

“Two...”

When all I would do is forever
Forever worship you.

“ONE!!! HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!”

Raising her hand to caress Bianca's face, Lena bent forward and whispered, “I can only imagine,” before kissing her while all around them streamers and balloons filled the air ushering in the new year.

The End.

~~~~~

As I stated in the A.N.’s here are the lyrics.

I can only imagine

What it will be like
When I walk by your side

I can only imagine

What my eyes will see
When your face is before
Me

I can only imagine
I can only imagine

(chorus)

Surrounded by your glory
What will my heart feel,
Will I dance for you Jesus or
In awe of you be still

Will I stand in your presence...
Or to my knees will I fall
Will I sing 'Hallelujah!'?, will I be able
to speak at all

I can only imagine
I can only imagine

I can only imagine
when that day comes
when I find myself
standing in the sun.

I can only imagine
When all I would do
is forever - forever worship you.

I can only imagine
I can only imagine

(chorus)

Surrounded by your glory
What will my heart feel,
Will I dance for you Jesus or
In awe of you be still

Will I stand in your presence...
Or to my knees will I fall
Will I sing 'Hallelujah!'? , will I be able
to speak at all

I can only imagine (Yeah! Yeah!)
I can only imagine (Yeah!)

(chorus)

Surrounded by your glory
What will my heart feel,
Will I dance for you Jesus or
In awe of you be still

Will I stand in your presence...
Or to my knees will I fall
Will I sing 'Hallelujah!'? , will I be able
to speak at all

I can only imagine (Yeah!)

I can only imagine (Yeah! Yeah!)
I can only imagine (Yeah! Yeah!)

I can only imagine
I can only imagine

When all I would do is forever
Forever worship you.

I can only imagine

A. M. Glass

All My Children

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