Title: “I Am.”

Author: A.M. Glass

E-Mail: glasswrks@yahoo.com

Rating: PG

Copyright: July 7th-11th, 2003

Revised: July 13^th, 2003

Disclaimer: Joss Whedon, Fox Studios, Mutant Enemy, et al, have something to do with “Buffy The Vampire Slayer”. No copyright infringement is intended or inferred. The story along with any/all original characters are the sole property of the author and cannot be used without expressed permission first.

Spoilers: “New Moon Rising” and briefly, “Family”.

Pairing: Willow/Tara with a mention of Willow/Oz.

Author’s Note: This is not what you might consider a typical song-fic. In the past I have used the lyrics as either thoughts or actual dialog for the characters. I have sometimes used the lyrics as a way of advancing the story, i.e. I’d have Tara listening to the radio or a tape, “Special Feelings,” and “Mi Amor” (pardon the plug) and having lyrics give Tara a way of exploring her feelings for Willow. This time I believe it’s different. The lyrics are being posted either at the beginning or the end of sections. They are not being used as thoughts or dialog. They do have a connection to the story that follows. I’ve used the lyrics as a jump off point for the story.

Song: Forever And For Always. Written by Shania Twain and R.J. “Mutt” Lange. Lyrics are in brackets, [ ].

Thanks: Goes to Kirk and Aine for the beta.

Feedback: Is up to you.

[In your arms, I can still feel the way
you want me when you hold me
I can still hear the words you
whispered when you told me...
I can stay right here
forever in your arms

And there ain’t no way
I’m lettin’ you go now
And there ain’t no way
And there ain’t not how
I’ll never see that day....

‘Cause I’m keeping you
Forever and for always
We will be together all of our days
Wanna wake up every
Morning to your sweet face--always]

Tara sighed contentedly to herself. All was right in her world and there couldn’t possibly be a better time in her life. She grinned and as she pressed her ear against Willow’s chest she could feel the steady beat of her girlfriend's heart.

Her grin grew decisively wider.

‘Willow's my girlfriend,’ she thought. She raised herself off Willow’s chest and stared into the redhead’s face. Reaching out, she gently caressed Willow’s cheek, reveling in the softness she felt. Once, not so long ago, she would never have dared such a bold move. But she knew now that her touches were not just welcome, they were desired.

She still found it hard to believe that Willow - the gorgeous redhead that had captured so her completely - was in sleeping in her bed.

Tara thought as soon as Willow had stepped into her dorm room, that Willow was going to tell her she had chosen Oz. She prepared herself for the moment. Each minute that had passed since she told Willow of Oz’ attack, she felt that Willow would go back to her boyfriend. To what was easy, safe, acceptable and known.

But all her preparations went right out the window with the speaking of two little words: “I am”.

In that instant her whole world was turned upside-down, in the most wonderful way possible. It was as if everything she had ever hoped for, dreamed and imagined was coming true all at once, and she knew she would never be the same.

Those two words changed her. She was no longer alone, no longer unloved, and no longer afraid. Willow had not only told her many times later that she loved her, but had shown her. Hearing those words were a balm to her tortured soul.

Yet, those three words could never replace the feelings she experienced when Willow spoke: “I am”

She had been set free. She could tell Willow how she truly felt. She had wanted to let Willow know how much she cared for her. How much she loved her. Now she could. Nothing would stop her.

Leaning forward, Tara gently kissed Willow’s lips, lingering longer than she originally planned. When her eyes opened, she saw Willow staring back at her.

Smiling...

No words were spoken. None were needed. Tara felt Willow tighten her grip around her body and she once more settled herself in the crook of Willow’s shoulder.

Closing her eyes, she concentrated on her girlfriend's heartbeat again.

“I am.”

She couldn’t wait for tomorrow morning. It was the real start of the rest of her life. She wasn't about to delude herself, however. She knew it wouldn't last. Soon enough the bliss - for she was not about to think of her time with Willow as anything else -would end, and all because of her birthday... she shook her head. She wasn't going to think about that now. 

*Nothing* was going to touch this moment. *Nothing*.

Letting Willow’s heartbeat lull her to sleep, Tara once again thought of the two words that made her life joyous - not something to be feared.

“I am.”

She was.

~~~~~~~~~

[Mmm, baby
In your heart--I can still hear
A beat for every time you kiss me
And when we’re apart,
I know how much you miss me
I can feel your love
for me in your heart

And there ain’t no way--
I’m lettin’ you go now
And there ain’t now way--
And there ain’t no how
I’ll never see that day....

‘Cause I’m keeping you
Forever and for always
We will be together all of our days
Wanna wake up every
Morning to your sweet face--always]

Willow stifled a yawn as she woke up. She felt a weight pressing on the left side of her body. Opening her eyes, she blinked as she gazed down.

She smiled.

She *hadn’t* dreamt it.

She *had* spent the night with Tara.

*Her* Tara.

She liked the sound of that.

Her Tara.

Then came the realization.

“I’m Tara’s,” she whispered. Yes - there was no doubt about that, not in her mind.

She belonged to Tara.

Though her mind and her heart wanted to stay in that blissful place a while longer, it seemed her body had other ideas. Slipping so reluctantly it was almost painful from Tara's grasp she put her clothes on and rushed to the bathroom, determined to make it back before Tara even knew she was gone.

Opening the door, Willow carefully poked her head into the room, making sure that Tara was still sleeping. She laughed softly; Tara was hugging the pillow she’d been using. ‘Hmm... I can’t have that pillow getting my Tara-hugs,’ she thought as she undressed.

At one time she would have debated the entire - getting undressed in front of someone that wasn’t her - thing. Especially considering that the other person she was undressing for was a girl.

She recognized that she had gone through the same thing with Oz, the same ritual of taking her clothes off, yet with wholly different butterfly-type feelings in her stomach.

*This* was Tara.

Willow was breaking new ground - well not so much *new* ground. There was the whole Oz issue... but it was new when it came to Tara.

And granted, Tara was sleeping at the moment so the whole, “getting naked in front of someone else” was a moot point. Tara wouldn’t see her getting undressed, not this time.

But the whole “getting undressed in front of Tara” earlier that evening was scary and exciting at the same time.

There had been the odd moment of silence. Neither of them sure of what to do. Although Willow knew she should be the one who started - something. After all, she was the one that said she’d make it up to Tara... “starting right now,” if she remembered correctly.

Once Tara had blown out the candle, removing the only light source, besides the moonlight that streamed into Tara’s dorm room, Willow had taken the “extra-flamey candle” and placed it on the bookshelf next to the door.

She’d taken a deep breath and turned around. Her heart pounding. Walking over to Tara, Willow had reached out and took Tara’s hands in hers.

She wasn’t sure who had been trembling more.

Looking deeply into Tara’s eyes, she said the words that her heart had been begging to say for a long time.

“I love you Tara.”

And everything fell into place.

They didn't rush. There was no frantic ripping of clothes or unrestrained animalistic urges being responded to. No 'marking of property' that seemed to run so rampant in some of the stories the redhead had looked up on the net...*not* that she was looking, of course. She had just wanted to get a few pointers, and was far too embarrassed to borrow some of Xander's videos, which she knew Anya would have wanted to watch with her anyway.

There were hesitant touches, asking of permission, lots of smiles, kissing - plenty of kissage. The slow removal of clothing that had become a barrier. Always asking before the next piece was discarded, followed by heated kisses or caresses to the newly exposed flesh.

The exploration of each other’s bodies, to finally touch the other half of ones soul.

This was their moment.

And Willow for one was glad.

Walking the short distance to the bed, Willow sat down. She reached out and brushed a few strands of hair away from Tara’s face. Willow shook her head as she silently watched her girlfriend sleeping. Her decision, the one that sent Oz away was one of the hardest things she believed she’d ever had to make in her life.

But as she stared into Tara’s face, memorizing it, she knew that it was the right choice - the only one.

“Willow?” Tara murmured as she reached out.

“I’m here,” she whispered.

“lonely.”

“Can’t have that can I?” Willow replied as she snuggled next to Tara.

“missed you...”

“Me too baby, me too.”

Willow was surprised when Tara unerringly kissed her before falling back to sleep. ‘That’s my girl,’ she thought as she closed her eyes and basked in the love they shared.

~~~~~~

Tara’s face scrunched as she felt something on her nose. “goway.”

“Kicking me out already?”

“wha?”

“Are you kicking me out to the curb already Miss Maclay?”

“Willow?”

“Ah... I see you at least remembered my name,” Willow said jokingly as she let go of the few strands of Tara’s hair she was using to tickle the blondes’ nose. She had wondered how long her girlfriend was going to sleep. She had thought about going out and grabbing them something to eat, but decided she’d much rather stay in bed with Tara. After watching Tara sleep for half an hour she thought it was time for her girlfriend to join the land of the living.

“Your name? Of course I remember your name,” Tara replied as she woke up more than a little confused. Had she forgotten something? She couldn’t have been dreaming, could she?

[wanna wake up every morning...yeah.
 In your eyes
(I can still see the look of the one)
I can still see the look of the one who really loves me
(I can still feel the way that you want)
The one who wouldn’t put anything else in the world above me
(I can still see love for me)
I can still see love for me in your eyes
(I still see the love)]

‘Open those eyes baby,’ Willow thought to herself. She wanted to look into Tara’s eyes, she wanted to see the love the blonde felt for her. It had been there for the longest time and she hadn’t seen it. Had chosen not to. Now there was nothing else she wanted to see. ‘There it is,’ she mused when Tara finally opened her eyes.

~~~~~~

[And there ain’t no way
I’m lettin’ you go now
And there ain’t no way
And there ain’t no how
I’ll never see that day...

‘Cause I’m keeping you
Forever and for always
We will be together all of our days
Wanna wake up every
Morning to your sweet face]

Tara wondered what was going on. Willow was looking at her intently, so much so that she felt the need to check for drool. There was nothing romantic about drool.

‘Okay, drool free,’ she thought. She opened her mouth to ask if something was wrong, only to be pleasantly cut off by Willow's lips against her own.

[I’m keeping you
Forever and for always
We will be together all of our days
Wanna wake up every
Morning to your sweet face]

“Umm... nice,” Tara whispered when Willow broke off the kiss.

[I’m keeping you forever and for always
Keeping you forever...
get to keep you baby]

“I like it myself,” Willow replied as she licked her lips.

“Nice way to wake up... um Willow?”

“Yeah baby,” she replied as she kissed Tara once more.

“Can we wake up again?”

“Umm... sure.” She had no idea why Tara wanted to wake up again, but she was willing to find out.

Tara moved so that Willow could join her under the blankets. Once they’d settled down, they both knew it would be impossible to fall back to sleep. That didn’t stop them from snuggling, kissing... touching.

[Forever...

In your arms.]

The End.