Title: Geek Like Me

Author: Alan Hitchen

Email: darkmere2000@yahoo.co.uk

Archive: http://www.realmoftheshadow.com/alan.htm

Disclaimer: Popular is the property of Touchstone Television.

Pairing: Nicole/May

Suggested by: Karo, after the success of Shall We Dance?

Rating: PG-13

Summary: A 'season three' story. After the incident on the night of the Junior Prom when she tried to run Brooke down, Nicole finds she has become a non-person after her expulsion from the popular set.

Like two doomed ships that pass in storm
We had passed each other's way:
But we made no sign, we said no word,
We had no word to say.

The words were by Oscar Wilde, the speaker was Ms Ross, but as I sat in that first English class of the semester and stared at the back of Brooke's head I could almost see what she was thinking: "Serve the evil bitch right!" And with that thought the social Siberia of senior year stretched into infinity before me, as I knew then we would never speak again.

After my fall from grace April Tuna was the only one still willing speak to me. But her hero worship quickly faded when she realised there was now a vacancy at the popular table and she raced off to go fill it. I guess I should have felt proud of her following my ruthless example. But I didn't. I just felt empty. And alone.

But, surprisingly, not for long.

Freddy, the unpopular boy I'd once tormented with gay insinuations, invited me to come sit with them. Them being the chess club: Freddy Gong, May Tuna, Billy Jones and... me. I could play chess - Nana had taught me - so I took April's place as she'd taken mine. It seemed only fair. Cruel. But fair.

"Chess is what geeks do when they run out of assignments to complete. Cheerleaders don't play chess." Or so Marley had instructed me when she found out. But I wasn't a cheerleader anymore. I wasn't anything anymore. So I played chess with the club I'd once sneered at and with people I'd publicly despised. The irony was enormous.

But it felt good. For once I felt I belonged somewhere. That I didn't have to pretend anymore. And, after a while, once the staring and nudging had died down, I almost forgot I'd ever been popular. I even started wearing my eyeglasses again in honour of my newfound geekdom.

Clark Kent was right to wear them, they're the perfect disguise. Wear glasses and you become invisible. Anyway, that's what happened to me. Nasty Nicole Julian simply disappeared from the popular radar screen - never to be seen again.

...

"Check, and mate in two, I told you the Anatolian gambit wouldn't work."

"What? Damn, you're right. You win again." I looked up at the strangely nervous redhead who'd beaten me. May was clearly thinking, and not about chess.

"Nicole, do you want go see a play with me on Saturday?" she asked all in a rush.

I declined with a slight smile. "Thanks for asking but I can't."

"You're still grounded?"

"Not exactly, but my Gold Card privileges have been withdrawn so it amounts to the same thing."

"Oh, but it's educational, it's on our reading list. I was going to rent the movie on DVD but then I saw it was on at the Playhouse and I thought we..." she tailed off, disappointed.

"What play is it?" I prompted.

She perked up again. "Oh, didn't I say? It's Jude the Obscure by Thomas Hardy."

I smiled again, wryly this time, slushy Mills and Boon type romances were more to May's taste and I could see her latest, The Iron Master by Rachel Ford, poking out of her bag as we spoke. I guessed she was trying to expand her horizons, and as I wasn't looking forward to reading what looked like a very dull book myself, and as it was either this or the Cliff Notes version I thought 'what the heck'. "Okay," I nodded, "but I'll have clear it with Mom first."

...

We exited the play arm-in-arm, laughing out loud because otherwise we'd have been crying for weeks.

"My God, that was so depressing," May wheezed. "That hanging scene. 'Done because we are too menny.' Puppets or not that was so gross."

"You're telling me," I replied, "and I thought Waiting For Godot was bleak. No wonder that finished him as a writer. Who'd want to read that for fun?"

May stopped laughing. "Sorry."

"Don't be. It wasn't that bad - okay, it was - but it got me out of the house. But, next time, could we go see a comedy?"

"Next time?"

"Sure, next time."

May excitedly scanned her programme for forthcoming events. "Next up is the famous farce, When We Are Married by J.B. Priestley. Will that do?"

"A farce, alright, as long as Adam Sandler's not the lead then I'm in."

...

Normally, Christmas at the Julian mansion was a dull affair made up of unwanted gifts, empty gestures and meaningless rituals. This year was different. I'd asked the chess club to come along for a seasonal sleepover.

May was wearing a brand new dress for the occasion. $9.99 from an end-of-season sale, a real bargain, she told me proudly. My old self would simply have laughed in her face. I didn't. She'd also made a big effort with her makeup and everything else. She looked beautiful. I told her so and she turned as red as her freshly styled hair.

We exchanged little gifts, played silly games, did all the Christmas things together and had a great time. Mom still kept her emotional distance but it didn't really matter. For the first time in years I was truly happy to be in the company of true friends.

As midnight passed, Freddy and Billy made their way upstairs to bed, leaving May hovering in the doorway waiting for me to say goodnight. But before I could say anything her eyes flicked up the the misteltoe above, and as my eyes followed suit she took advantage of my distraction and kissed me full on the lips.

"What was that for?" I asked her, slightly shocked by the boldness of her action.

"You," she blushed, "and me."

It was only at that moment, as my whole body tingled at the touch of her warm embrace, that I realised I had developed more than friendly feelings for her, and that, unlike Brooke, she had feelings for me.

"I know I'm not exactly girlfriend material," she began to say apologetically, "but I thought, perhaps..."

I suddenly felt ashamed. I'd been so busy drooling over magazines full of tall, thin model-girl blondes that I didn't so much want to be with as much as I wanted to be like, that I'd completely missed the kind, caring person right there under my own nose.

"No, May, it isn't that," I interrupted, trying to let her down easy, "you are. I'm just not into that sort of relationship, that's all." Her face crumpled and she ran away before I could explain further. A little while later I tapped on her door. "Go away," she said quietly, but I went in anyway. "May, we have to discuss this, get it out into the open."

She turned to face me, her expression now bright with renewed hope. "God, I'm so with you on that. People will understand. It's not so unusual these days."

Suddenly annoyed, I snapped back. "May, will you not twist everything I say and just listen! I care about you as a friend but I just don't have 'those' sort of feelings for you."

"You mean, you're afraid to have 'those' sort of feelings," she challenged. She was right, I was afraid.

"No. May, that's not how it is... or maybe it is," I finally admitted.

"Well, what are you saying then, that you're emotionally dyslexic or something?"

"Sort of, it's just... I didn't know how you felt about me. I'm no good, May. I'll only hurt you. Like I hurt Brooke. You deserve better than that, better than me."

"Well, you're hurting me now," she stated flatly, turning away from me so I wouldn't see her tears.

"See?" I shrugged pointlessly.

Then she turned back, quizzical, and maybe just a little jealous. "Brooke. Do you love her?"

"Did," I corrected. "Past tense. I don't know exactly. I cried for her. That's like love, isn't it?"

"Oh yes. That's exactly like love," she sniffed.

I sat down and put my arm around her. "May, you know what I'm like."

"Yes, you're a geek like me."

I smiled. "Well, I was going to say obnoxious bitch, but, yes, I'm a geek. Is that what you really want?"

"You've no idea how much," she said fervently, and then we kissed for the second time.

...

I woke at dawn to find myself snuggled close to May's sleeping form. Not since Nana died had I ever felt close to anyone and now here I was, close in every sense of the word. I turned my head to check the time. There by the clock/radio I saw an envelope addressed to me. I opened it. It was a Christmas card containing a hand-written message:

My hair is red;
Your eyes are blue.
Please be mine,
Because I love you.

Which is why May found me crying when she woke from the sound of my sobbing.

"What's up?" she asked anxiously.

"I found this."

I showed her the card. My mouth couldn't find the right words to say so I used my lips, then my tongue, then my fingers to make my meaning clear. We missed breakfast that day but we didn't really care.

...

"C'mon, Brooke, if we have to study in the library let's sit behind here so no-one can see us. Lordy, the geeks are mating! There should be a law against... Nicole is that you?!"

"Yes, Mary Cherry, it's me. And, yes, I am kissing another girl. You remember May?"

"The dirt-eating sister of April, our charity-case choreographer, who could evah forget."

"I gave that up."

"And taken up rug-munching instead ah see. Nic, ah'm surprised and shocked, but you can rely on me to keep your sordid shame a secret."

"No, you won't. You can't wait to spread the word. Go ahead. It's not sordid, it's not a secret and I'm not ashamed. I love May. She loves me. And that's all that matters to us."

Discomforted, Mary Cherry went off to tell Brooke all about us, but never did spread the story about like she normally would have. I don't know why.

...

I was wrong about Brooke too. She did speak to me again, once, just before we left Kennedy for the last time. She congratulated me on being brave enough to go for what I wanted and to be open about what I was. I had an shrewd idea what she meant by that. So I wished her luck.

My genius girlfriend got a scholarship to MIT, majoring in applied mathematics. Much to Bio Glass's satisfaction I was heading straight for clown college until Mom pulled some strings and got me in at UCLA, major undeclared. I assumed Mom had the idea she was going to split us up, but she's wrong, because we're going to make it work, long distance or not. Because she's a geek like me.

And I love her.