What Makes Sammy Run

Writers: Edward Kitsis & Adam Horowitz
Director: Jaime Babbit

First period. As Brooke reads and re-reads Sam's farewell note Ms Ross leads the class in discussion of Dostoevsky's 1866 novel, Crime and Punishment. She declares, dismissing Nicole's argument that Raskolnikov was just weak, that: "We must all pay for our crimes. Nothing in life goes unpunished."

After class Brooke confides in Carmen and Lily, showing them the note, they have no clue as to where Sam might be.

San Fransisco. Sam enters a Photo Gallery [Twin Peaks music playing] and ask the thin blonde owner a question. "Are you Brooke McQueen's mother?" Kelly Foster (for it is she) denies all knowledge. Sam goes on to explain. "I'm the girl who is about to become unwillingly hitched to your daughter and you're the only one capable of stopping it." [Hitched? Interesting!] Then she explains how she found Kelly. Kelly confounds Sam by stating she is a single woman from New York, and besides: "I'm not the mother type."

Back in school. Sugar is explaining to Josh that as he knows the bouncer (Troy) at Ceasar Crouton's Breasts 'n' Thighs strip club, a couple of fake ID's and a full on lapdance plus a tasty 3-piece chicken combo could be theirs. Emory overhears and persuades Harrison to join in.

In an empty classroom, a strung-out Brooke is quizzing an unconcerned Nicole about Sam. Nicole opines that if she panics she'll be playing "right into Spam's cold, unmoisturised hands." Then, as they walk to class arm in arm, [Brooke smiling at the mention of Sam's return.] Nic advises her to carry on as normal. "Remember, B, you can't let her win, you've got too much at stake."[Hmm?]

Emory produces the fake ID's he's made in second period computer lab. Carmen and Lily ask the boys if they've seen Sam. They haven't. Donning sunglasses to look cool, the boys skip school to visit the strip club.

Troy tells them to go home. Josh insists: "Look, man, we're just here for the chicken, alright?" Troy points out if they get busted then it's his ass, but if they can find a real adult to take the heat then he'll let them in.

In the lunch room, watching a mini-TV, Mary Cherry is horrified to discover from an E! report of the forthcoming marriage of her mother to Erik Estrada that she has become a non-person, her existance denied.

Sam sneaks back into the gallery, and Kelly's office, to find some clue to her identity. Caught in the act she plays her trump card, a photo of Brooke. "I've no idea who this person is," says Kelly, but Sam is not convinced. "Wow. Now there's really no denying it. That cool and controlled icy thing you just did. Your daughter's got that down in spades."

Carmen is worried. Brooke relies on Nicole's advice and convinces Carmen and Lily to play along and not spoil the wedding shower. That evening they lie to Jane and say Sam is sleeping over at Harrison's. At that moment she is phoning Lily's answering machine to tell her "I'm okay, sort of."

Next day at school, Sugar is unhappy about the strip-club fiasco. "Hey, we can't give up now. I'm a horny teenage boy and I have needs!" Harrison jokingly suggest Bio-Glass might take them. Sugar informs him that she's been banned for life. Brooke turns up to ask Josh to take Mike out for a batchelor party while they hold the shower at home. The boy's problem is solved!

Lily reports the phone call to Brooke and Carmen. The "sort of" has her worried but Brooke sees it as proof that all is well. Carmen, however, is fantasising that Sam is being held by 'Jame Gumb' (Chris Gorham), frantically moisturising in a dark pit and demanding a fruit roll up. Brooke breezily convinces them to press on with the original plan.

In the Novak, Mary Cherry is showing Nicole her Notorious B.I.G. tattoo, part of her plan to become a 'lady gangster bitch' and thus get momma's attention. She considers marrying Lee Majors, then Wanda Rickets emerges from the stall where she's been living unnoticed since she escaped from the sanitarium.

Banned from Tupelo, she explains about her new life as 'teen trash': "I live in exile, one foot in the gutter and the other trampling all over my parent's broken hearts. I'm filthy. Filthy rich!"

Next morning, Kelly finds Sam asleep on the gallery steps and invites her in to talk as she finally admits to being Brooke's mother. At the Palace, the shower has begun. Brooke presses Carmen and Lily to hang on a little longer.

Kelly apologises and tries to explain why she left. She had an unhappy childhood and she found herself repeating her mother's behaviour, and as she was also unhappy in the marriage she decided to run away. Sam tries to talk her round and smiles encouragingly as it looks like Kelly is going to come back with her, but then a man arrives. Kelly introduces Sam to her husband, Barton. [There's a lot of unanswered questions here.]

The boys arrive at the club with a blindfolded and earmuffed Mike, but Troy still won't let them in. Harrison calls on him to show mercy to a virgin (Emory), a simpleton (Sugar), another simpleton (Josh),  "Who really is only here for the chicken." And a 40-year-old man (Mike) who has no other friends. Troy relents.

Jane is fooled into thinking Sam is home by use of tape recordings operated by Lily.

The boys settle down to watch some poledancing. Troy introduces three naughty amateurs: Erica Estrada (Mary Cherry), Lola (Wanda), and Brooke McQueen (Nicole). Troy is videoing Mary Cherry so she can send the tape to Melissa Rivers at E! and thus get back at momma. Mike, hearing Brooke's name (he's already removed the earmuffs), tears off his blindfold and tries to stop the action. Troy intervenes. A man asks, "Are those chickens fresh?" Mike answers, "Yes, they're underage." Officer Jerome Friendly then reveals himself. It's a bust!

Jane is getting annoyed that Sam still hasn't shown herself. Carmen is now literally sick with worry and the truth comes out.

Kelly is feeling very guilty about her past actions, but as she reasons she can't make it up she can't go back; that's her punishment. But she advises Sam to return and undo her mistakes. She keeps the snap of Brooke and gives Sam a large photo of a mother and child. Sam leaves a tearful Kelly alone in the empty gallery.

Despite Harrison's noble attempt to take the blame as an 'extraordinary teen' it is Mike who is arrested. Josh protests, "But we were just here for the chicken."

Jane is very angry and calls the police to report Sam missing. She is put on hold. The boys arrive with bad news, cash, and some white meat. Brooke is mortified. Then Sam appears, and as Jane hugs her she throws a glance at a guilty Brooke.

Later, in the bathroom, Brooke is mosturising as Sam busies herself at the right-hand sink. She says nothing about the trip to San Fransisco. The wedding money has been spent on bailing Mike out, but Cherry Cherry has offered to host a double wedding so she can hide her daughter in the crowd.  Sam declares: "You know, even though Mary Cherry is psychotic, I do feel for her."

Brooke responds sadly: "At least she has a mother."

Sam replies: "So do you, Brooke. Her name is Jane McPherson, soon to be McQueen. I know I haven't been too good at sharing up until this point but I'd like to start trying."

Brooke says: "I'd like that. I never thought I'd say this, but I'm really glad that you're back." [Significant smiles and looks are exchanged. The romance is back on!]

The episode closes with Sam apologising to her mom and presenting her with the picture.

Jane reassures her: "I know that this is strange and scary and you probably have all these intense feelings [About Brooke?] going through you, but Brooke and Mike won't break us apart. Nothing will. Ever. We're a team no matter what." They hug. "That's all the present I need." But Jane loves the picture anyway. Ahhh!