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THE TRIAL OF EMORY DICK

Writer: Oliver Goldstick
Director: Perry Lang

Ms Glass is handing out exam results yet again and berates everyone for their poor performance yet again. She asks Emory to stay behind after class. Emory asks Harrison to wait for him. Glass tells Emory she's going to flunk him for the semester.

Emory conveys this to Harrison who opines that Bio flunks someone every year. Emory isn't happy and determines to do something about it.

Later he returns with a man. Nicole disses Carmen's home-made barrettes by claiming they only suit square heads, which causes Mary Cherry to check her head for incipient squareness. Emory introduces the man to Harrison, Lily and Sam as his lawyer, Wesley Chu, star of the ads on Channel 94. He's going to sue the school!

Emory and Mr Chu confront Ms Hall. The princpal may be blind but she can recognise a shyster when she meets one and sends him packing. She is initially dismissive of Emory but his complaint of harassment from 7.10am to 3.05pm every day brings a change of heart.

She offers him vindication [He has to look this word up, suggesting he's not that knowledgeable but that he's willing to learn.] before a jury of his peers. She says it will enable him to gain revenge [Vindication actually means proof of blamelessness or worth.] against his tormentors if he proves his case.

He imagines himself electrocuting Ms Glass, Nicole, Mary Cherry, Sugar, Josh and Ms Krupps in a 'Frankenstein' type laboratory. Ms Hall cautions him that if he loses he'll be even worse off. [So much for her anti-bullying policy!]

At lunch, Carmen, who is counting her food, announces her intention to split her lunch period between both tables. Lily sarcastically suggests Tuesdays and Thursdays would suit. The others aren't happy either so Carmen leaves the table.

Emory immediately takes her place. He wants his best friend [Since when?] Harrison to prosecute the case. Harrison points out to his 'friend' that win or lose they'll both look like losers. In contrast Emory is bullish about his chances and storms off. Lily and Sam chide Harrison but he points out they've not been Emory's biggest fans in the past. They decide to help Emory anyway despite his objections.

Meanwhile, on the popular table Josh and Sugar are entertaining the girls with a tale about a flatulent wrestler complete with sound effects. Carmen is seen ditching food, a tasteless rice cake handed out by Nicole. Ms Hall comes up to 'invite' Brooke to an after-school meeting about Emory, and when Nicole intervenes she is put down with a harsh "organ grinder not the monkey" comment.

Brooke is worried, she's not said two words to Emory, [Remember she couldn't even name Freddy Gong.] then smiles at him in a nervous fashion.

Sam and Lily find Emory brushing his teeth at the water fountain when they tell him they'll take the case.

Carmen is examining her head for squareness as Sam and Lily discuss the facts. Lily is worried the jury will be biased against the accused. As part of the discussion Carmen denies being a Nicole wannabe [A Brooke wannabe, yes!] Brooke returns to the Palace. Ms Hall has given her the job of defending the school. [Note, not the accused, the school.] She is unsurprised to find Sam and Lily are prosecuting, denies her group sets out to denigrate anyone, but fails to get Carmen to agree.

Next day, Freddy Gong, who is on the jury, informs Josh and Sugar that they are "gonna fry." [Lily was right.]

Carmen is subpoenaed by both sides, but Sam and Brooke agree not to call her. [Carmen only thanks Sam for this let-off.]

Ms Ross is the judge in 'students court'.

Lunchlady Vera Krupps is the first on the stand. She recounts an incident when Emory enquired about the meat in the lasagne. [She lies about the duration of this encounter and comes across as a loon. She scares Brooke.]

Next, Josh recalls the 'swirly' incident when he and Sugar restyled Emory's hair in a toilet bowl. In defence of the school's honour according to Brooke.

Brooke confronts Harrison with proof that he was present at the time of this incident but did nothing to help Emory. The Tuna girls (April still in her cast) protest loudly.

The uproar segues into a cheerleading routine [Which reminds me, we've never seen this cheerleading squad in action, and where are the other members?] Mary Cherry compares Brooke to Atticus Finch [The defence lawyer in To Kill a Mockingbird (Harper Lee, 1960)] Carmen bails again. Brooke defends her but Nicole and Mary Cherry attack with catty remarks about cake.

During recess, Sam and Lily have a go at Harrison about the swirly and the lack of action to help his friend. [Admittedly Harrison looks like a coward here, friend or not.] Emory arrives and blanks Harrison. Emory has nothing to lose now and wishes to push on with the case.

Sam burns the midnight oil. Brooke taunts Sam about Harrison's failure [She labels him pathetic, but what does this make Josh and Sugar?] "Everyone wants to be liked," is her argument. "The sad thing is that Emory is will most like end up more alone than when he started this thing and I'd hate to see the same thing happen to you." [She doesn't really care about Emory, it's Sam that concerns her, it always is.] Jane interrupts this conversation and advises Sam to see it through, no matter what the consequences.

Ms Glass is next up. In 12 years of teaching she has flunked 47 students [No comparison is made with other teachers, but the inference is this is high.] She counter claims that Emory hasn't the attention span to finish an Altoid. [A small cough sweet?] Sam points out the events that caused Ms Glass to come down hard on Emory. She responds with the "You can't handle the truth!" quote from A Few Good Men (1992). Sam is pleased by this outburst.

Brooke coaches Sugar on his testimony before Ms Hall tells him he's off the wrestling team due to his excess weight. "I'm not disabled," he sobs in reply to her attempts to soften the blow. [Indeed not, he just lacks an opponent in his weight class.]

Carmen and Harrison meet outside court. Which side are they on is the question neither can answer.

Sugar is questioned about a button (badge) Emory was forced to wear. Becoming agitated he admits to the swirly before storming out.

Nicole, Mary Cherry and Brooke are plotting in the Novak on how they can improve their testimony when Carmen arrives. Mary Cherry complains about Sugar going 'snake pit' on them. [Referring to the 1948 film starring Olivia de Havilland.] Carmen is persuaded by Brooke to help her new friends.

Mary Cherry plays to the gallery, hams it up and eventually has to be carried out in hysterics.

Brooke unexpectedly calls Carmen to the stand despite Sam's objections. Carmen recounts the doctor's certificate incident. Then goes off subject and begins to question her position. She admires Emory because, unlike her, he doesn't care if he's popular or not. She finally decides which side she's on and quits the Glamazons on the spot.

Brooke is humiliated, Harrison slips out the back, and everyone stands and cheers. [How popular is popular now?]

Sugar apologises to Brooke (now realising popular does not equal nice) who comforts him over the wrestling thing. [He is popular only by association with Josh and his athletic prowess, which is why this is such a blow.]

Ms Ross discovers evidence of jury tampering by Mary Cherry. Ms Hall declares a mistrial.

Emory decides to quit while he's ahead. His is the moral victory. Harrison apologises, he didn't realise he was Emory's best friend and it kind of threw him. He praises Emory's courage, offers to treat him to a burger and thus the friendship is restored. However, Emory is also keen to have the director's cut of The Ghost and Mr Chicken on laserdisc. [This Don Knotts 'classic' was a big hit in small-town America on its release in 1965.]

"He is so weird," says Lily [And has a massive crush on Harrison would be my guess.] Everybody laughs.