Title: The Cordelia Effect

Author: Alan Hitchen

Email: darkmere2000@yahoo.co.uk

Disclaimer: BtVS belongs to Joss Whedon and others

Pairing: Cordelia/Angel

Rating: PG-13

Inspiration: Helen Shapiro's 'Marvellous Lie'

Information: Sequel to The Faith Effect

Cordelia knocked on the door frame to attract her employer's attention.

"Angel, can I ask you something?"

"Of course, Delia, my door is always open to you, take a seat."

She smiled, said, "Thanks," entered the room and sat down as requested.

"Can I ask you something personal?"

A frown crossed Angel's face.

"You can ask, Delia, but I can't guaranteee a reply."

She paused for a moment before speaking, "Do you think you will ever get back with Buffy?"

"No," Angel replied with unmistakable finality.

"Can you expand on that?"

"Come on, Delia, surely the reasons are blindingly obvious. Buffy will always have a special place in my heart, but it wasn't meant to be. I knew that right from the start, so did she, but we went ahead anyway -  both thinking that love would conquerer all. Virgil was wrong, it doesn't."

"Who's Virgil?"

"The poet who also said, "The way down to Hell is easy." He was right about that. I'm the living proof. Huh! Living, if only I was. There you have it, love is for the living. I exist but I'm not alive. I look like a man but I'm not one. I'm a shadow with substance, real enough to touch but not real enough to have a life."

Cordelia suddenly leapt to her feet.

"I'm so sick of this!"

"Excuse me?"

"You - whining on about your miserable life! You've got a body - okay it's demon powered- but it's a body, and it's got a soul. You've got a job, a purpose in life, and friends. What more do you want?"

"Well..."

"And don't forget there's someone who loves you."

"Yeah, but we were just discussing how badly that turned out."

"Not Buffy, you idiot! Me!"

"What?"

"I've fallen in love with you, but you've been so busy brooding about Faith you haven't noticed, have you?"

"Cordelia I... I have noticed. It would be hard not to, you've been dropping enough hints lately. However, the facts remain the same. It didn't work with Buffy, so it won't work with you... I'm sorry."

"You're sorry? I'm furious! I love you, you big lummox, doesn't that mean anything to you?"

"Of course it does. You've paid me the biggest compliment one person can give another, but I think you're overlooking one little thing."

"Oh, what's that?"

"I don't love you."

"But you... I mean... I thought... oh, never mind!"

She ran from the room in tears.

Angel thought about what he had just said. It was said with sincerity, and he'd almost believed it. He had to believe it, for Cordelia's sake. He couldn't put her through what he'd put Buffy through. A few tears now would save her from an ocean of misery later.

It was for the best of reasons he'd acted as he did. "I don't love you," he had said, and she had believed it. It wasn't the truth, but it was a marvellous lie.

Kate entered the office of Angel Investigations to find Cordelia hiding behind her computer screen. It was clear she had only just stopped crying. Kate would have asked what was wrong but she didn't have the time to spare.

"Is he in?" she enquired.

Cordelia nodded and gestured for her to go through. Then she ducked back down to repair her tear-stained face.

Kate entered Angel's office. She was just going to ask him for help with a case but curiosity overcame her.

"Hi, Angel, what's up with Cordelia?"

"Hi, Kate - it's a long story," he sighed.

"Anything I can help with?"

"I don't think so, but if you could be a shoulder for her to cry on I'd be grateful."

"Okay, you find the missing girl," she said, scaling the file onto his desk, "and I'll be Cordelia's agony aunt."

A smile appeared on Angel's face.

"It's a deal," he said.

Kate grinned and headed back out. She stopped at Cordelia's desk.

"Cordy, drinks tonight, usual place, eight sharp, tell me everything, okay?"

She smiled at Cordelia who brightened a little, nodded her assent, then went back to applying her makeup.

...

As Cordelia played with her Pina Colada, Kate waited patiently - for at least thirty seconds - before breaking the silence.

"Okay, spill it, why the long face?"

Cordelia snapped out of her daze and focused on Kate.

"If I said I loved you, what would you say?"

"I'd say don't repeat that in front of Faith or she'll break both your arms," Kate replied with a deadpan expression, but with a mischievous twinkle in her eyes.

Cordelia blanched and said hurriedly: "What I meant to say was, if you were Angel and I said I loved you, what would you say?"

"I don't know, but I'm guessing he said he didn't feel the same way, hence the tears."

"You'd make a great detective," said Cordelia, with half a smile.

"I like to think so." Kate smirked back. "Did you expect a different answer?"

"Duh! Of course, or I wouldn't have said anything at all. We'd been getting on really well and I started to drop hints that I was interested. He seemed to respond so I thought it was okay to proceed. There was just the Buffy question to sort out, so I asked him. He told me they were finished for good. Then it went wrong. He got maudlin. I got angry, blurted out that I loved him, and he said he didn't love me... I was so sure he did, so why did he say he didn't?"

"Okay, two possibilities. First, he doesn't love you."

Cordelia's face crumpled and another outbreak of tears looked imminent.

"Second, he does love you, but is lying to protect you."

Cordelia's expression changed to one of puzzlement.

"Protect me from what?"

"Well, he's not got a great track record when it comes to romance has he? The Buffy thing didn't end well did it?"

"Yeah, but I'm not Buffy," she said vehemently.

"But he's still Angel, perhaps that's the problem."

"What do you suggest?"

"Talk to him. Oh, there's Faith. Sorry, I'll have to go. Just talk to him, Cordy, and calmly this time, okay?"

"Okay, and Kate, thanks."

"Anytime."

Later that evening Cordelia arrived at Angel's private quarters. He was surprised to see her.

"Hello, Delia, what brings you here?"

"You do."

"Oh. You did talk to Kate, didn't you?"

"Yes. She advised me to talk to you, so here I am."

"Oh, did she?" His eyebrows rose. "You'd better come in then."

"Look, I'm sorry things got a bit out of hand before."

"It's okay, Delia, there's no need to apologise, let's just forget all about it."

"Oh no you don't! We're going to sit down and discuss this like adults."

Angel threw up his hands in capitulation, then sat down facing her. "All right, I give up."

"Good. First of all, in case you hadn't noticed, I'm not the empty-headed, fashion obsessed, cheerleading bimbo you may once have thought I was, and if I see the slightest suspicion of a smirk on your face I'll slap it off!"

Angel's face remained inscrutible, so she continued.

"I'm a responsible, level-headed, intelligent young woman. I realise you're not as other men in many respects, but the fact remains, I have fallen in love with you, and I think those feelings are reciprocated. All I want is for you to tell me the truth - please?"

Angel found he couldn't resist the power of those big brown pleading eyes. He had to tell her.

"Okay, the truth is - you're right - I do have feelings for you. I do love you, and that's why I said I didn't."

"Why?"

"Buffy - I hurt her so much. How does the song go? You always hurt the one you love. I couldn't do that to you. And besides, there are so many reasons why I'm wrong for you."

"I know, but no-one's perfect, even me, and as I keep telling everyone, I'm not Buffy!"

"Yeah, I had noticed." Angel grinned, then became serious again. "But what about the curse? We can never be intimate."

"Do you think I'm that shallow? Sex isn't everything you know. Oh, wait, you're a man, so you don't know that, do you?"

Angel started laughing.

"What's so funny?" she asked.

"Me, for thinking I could put you off. You are the most stubborn - adorable - pig-headed - beautiful - obstinate - wonderful."

He would have gone on, but Cordelia stopped his mouth with her own. After some minutes they broke the kiss. Angel was lost for words.

"Wow, that was..."

"Yes, that was," said Cordelia, as she snuggled up to him.

He held her close and kissed the top of her head. "What now?" he asked.

Cordelia looked up, gave him a 'come hither' smile to match her 'come to bed' eyes and said, "I hear there's an interesting British TV show on PBS." She reached out to grab the remote control. "It's called 'Ultraviolet' and it's about vampires in present-day London."

"And you can never know too much about vampires," Angel said ironically.

"Exactly - and besides the lead actor is a bit of a hunk - so be quiet now and let me watch in peace."

Angel relaxed, one thing was sure, life with Cordelia would never take the conventional route. He looked at her and smiled before surrendering to her wishes.

"Anything you say," he said, "anything you say."