Title: A Little Bit of Darkness

Author: Chosentwo4381

Email: chosentwo4381@yahoo.com

Disclaimer: I don’t own them and I make no money. However, if Joss and all the rest of the people that do own them would like to give them to me, then I wouldn’t object.

Author’s Note: Slightly AU. Set after Season 5, assuming that Faith was free then and working with the AI crew.

Faith’s POV

Sometimes I still feel that I haven't changed at all, that part of me is still tripping along on that happy road to hell. The practical part of me (I have a practical part? Wow) knows that I've changed and that I've begun to make amends. The LA crew has been great. Even Wes has forgiven me. Cordy? She’s still a bitch, but in that friendly way. And Gunn, he’s great, like the big bro I never had and never knew I wanted. But I know that the real force behind my return to the white hat squad was Angel. He's been there for me through it all. He gets what it's like. He's been through it too. Even loving her. She’s what this is about, even now.

She's dead, and I still can't get her out of my head. She's fucking dead. It wasn't supposed to go down like that. She was supposed to be the slayer that beat the odds and me, the fuckup, I was supposed to get replaced. Giles called to tell us today, but I knew when it happened. Slayer connection you know? But until the call I could pretend that I still had a chance to make things up to her. Now there is no dream of the blonde goddess accepting my apologies and accepting me back into her heart.

I know Angel can feel my agitation tonight as we patrol, but I also know that he won't try to keep me in tonight. This isn’t something that I can hide behind a ‘five by five’. I need to lose myself. In some club, where I’m just another face in the crowd, another gyrating body rubbing up against whoever is closest. Lose myself in that little bit of darkness, be that wild child that she danced with at the Bronze. Maybe I'll even request that song. I'll close my eyes and pretend that my golden girl is in front of my in our little world. We were the Chosen Two, once, and now she’s gone and it’s just me. Faith the accident, against the world.

Maybe there is a little bit of darkness in me, but there was light too. And it just went out.