Title: Big Top PeeWee Robot Carnival

Author: Snarlsnout

Email: Snarlsnout@yahoo.com

Pairing/Rating: Nicole/Willow + misc./Pg-15y for rude language & violence; minor implied sexual contact

Summary: Nicole and Killer Robots arrive in Sunnydale; a large time is had by all...

Spoilers: Takes place after Buffy's Season 5 finale; so if you haven't seen that, just imagine she's gone on holiday...

A/N: OK, I don't know if this meets Jos' criteria for "unprecedented x-overs" or not--I've already x'd-over Buffy/Popular in "Super'tard" (Pick up your copy today!). This will be a brief continuation of that world because frankly, I can't get over Willow/Nicole as the ultimate slash couple; an all-powerful Wiccan in love w/ someone creative/ruthless enough to take full advantage of those powers! The "unprecedented" part, therefore will be the direct "lifting" of his "replicant" idea--I'm just applying it to a different character...You should recognize some S5 & 6 Buffy, a few Popular characters, hints of Bladerunner, and allegations of every Killer Robot ever!...The title's a non-sequitor based on convoluted word-association...

"Are we there yet?" Nicole asked for the 1000th time, as she fidgeted in the passenger seat; checking her lip gloss in the rear-view for the 2000th time...

"Not yet..." Brooke only half-kiddingly snarled. "God, Nicky, I've never seen you like this--all giddy and antsy!--You got it bad for that little red-haired girl, huh?"

"What can I tell ya B?, I'm smitten for my little cuddle-kitten---Wait! Did I really just say that?!?"

Brooke bit her bottom lip to keep from bursting into hysterics and applied the energy into increasingly vigorous nods. Nic winced & buried her face in her hands.

Finally, they pulled up and parked in front of "the Magic Box". Nic did a final primp/once-over until Brooke assured her she looked terrific--as always.

"Well, this is it...You coming in Brookie?"

"Naw, I'm just going to drive off for some unspecified reason until when/if the plot again requires my presence."

"Oh. OK. Well, see ya hun."


Blonde and Redhead met in one of those shy-at-first-grope-in-the-middle-until-finally-reaching-the-point-of-exhaustion hugs that those present felt only Willow's quick spell-casting ability could be held accountable for maintaining them in an upright and fully vertical position... (whew!-there's your run-on sentence Aeryn *g*)

"Man! I wish ~I~ was a lesbian!" Xander babbled as he watched/drooled from behind the counter.

"Me too..." Anya replied w/ a multiple-interpretational response...

"C'mon Nic, I've got something to show you!" Willow beamed as if she'd just changed the batteries in that sweet, goofy and contagious smile (and--watch this!--she was obviously using the brand with Energizer Bunny!)

"Aaaaauuurrrggghhhh" Anya winces; dives for cover...


Willow led Nicole thru the majic shop and down into the dusty basement which only proves that Nic would follow her anywhere...

"And stop checking out my butt!" Willow flirted as she flipped her (let's see, it's Tuesday...) blonde and purple streaked red hair over her shoulder. Nicole gave one of her patented epitomy-of-innocense looks until she saw it wasn't going to fly, then just winked & smiled.

"OK, here it is!" Willow whipped the dusty sheet cover off with a flourish to reveal a slighty-worse-for-wear BuffyBot. It was still about 90% complete; just it's right arm laying accross it's lap, and a loom of errant wiring hanging out of it's midriff access panel lent it that whole "this is a f**king robot!" air...

Nicole had to do a double take...twice. God, that's what she gets for falling in love with a science geek!

"Um. Excuse me Dr. Frankenfurter?! But what the Hell is that?!?"

"It's the Buffybot...well, it used to be anyway...now it's mostly...parts. But I think I--we can fix it! Look!"

Willow pointed to a large pile of newly-arrived boxes on the table next to a toolbox and her laptop.

"Everything's here--new servo-motors! extended memory chips!..." Nicole managed to phase out all this boring techno-tripe, until Willow pulled out a box she did recognize..."and for the piece-de-resistance--"

Even Nic had to giggle as Willow waved the frilly little black & white lace French Maid outfit...A girl after her own heart! (As if she had one...)

"Grrr," came a disgruntled voice from the darkest corner of the basement, "what the bloody hell does a person have to do to get some eternal rest around here!?!"

Spike staggered out and came face to face w/ Nicole.

We won't even go into the fact Nicole refused to be freaked out, even tho she'd never seen a vampire before, instead we'll go for the hopefully more humorous reaction as they both stared at each other, their eyes wandering up to each other's hair---

"Jose Proton!" they both squealed in unison. Hard to be mortal enemies when you both get your hair styled by the exclusive "Jose of Hollywood".

Spike exits to catch up with Brooke at...that place...


Nic had just about sweet-talked Willow into trying on the outfit her self (or at least getting her out of those pesky--and abominably un-chic--clothes) when--

"Willow, there's somebody up here to see you."

Our girl Nicole had an even better view ascending the stairs...They emerge from the basement to find Anya, the recently-arrived Dawn, and the otherwise-not-in-this-story Tara mooning over a stranger at the counter who's kind of attractive in that hunky-grandfather sort of way...

"Willow Rosenberg? Deckard." He flashes some type of vague credentials too quickly for them to verify, and proceeds, hoping his pompous acting ability is enough to intimidate them. "I'm investigating a package you recently received from the Tyrell Corporation..."

Nicole knew something not quite on the up-and-up was up, when she heard her Sweet Baboo revert to her nervous/defiant stammer--

"I-I-I'm afraid I have no idea what you are referring to. I've never heard of this Tercel Company..."

"We've tracked 5 separate shipments to this address in the last 2 weeks--Enough spares to completely refurbish a Nexus 5 replicant. Mailed from one J. F. Sebastion and delivered to and signed for by one Willow Rosenberg."

"Well sure, ONE Willow Rosenberg," the redhead tried to continue her bluff but the resolve face just wasn't cutting it, "but not this ONE...this ONE denies it empathically!"

"Just so you're aware, possession of anything above a Nexus MK 3 is illegal in the private sector, however fines and possible jail-terms should be the least of your concerns; The Tyrell Corporation has been granted special government clearance to track down trafficers in pirated replicant parts by--and I love saying this part--any means necessary!"

"Gulp," Willow gulped.

"The latest necessary means, by the way, is a specially programmed 6th generation prototype--Remember the Terminator?" (he didn't wait for the nervous nod) "It's like that, only scary."

Nicole had had about enough of this bully's strong-arm tactics and marched over to attempt her dipsy damsel's rescue. She arrived just in time to catch Willow as she fainted.

"Tell her 'we'll be watching' or something ominous like that."


Willow takes her sweet-ass time regaining consciousness, but meanwhile pretty much fills in the blanks for us with her assorted mumblings. We pick up various snippets such as "...but she's just a basic pleasure model..." and "...OK, so I might have amped up her circuitry a skoosh to allow for kick-boxing and light domestic work..." and (my favorite) "...if you think ~I'm~ sick, you should see what Spike had her programmed for..."

By the time she finally awakens, Tara & Dawn have vacated, Nicole is pacing in a jealous snit, Xander and Anya have retrieved the BuffyBot from the basement and are trying to hot-wire her in the vague, horny hopes of a threesome. The sky has grown dark; the hour has grown late. Most other stores on Main St. were closing up, when what would be their last customer of the day arrived. None other than Mary Cherry, who'd willingly travel 3 times as far as Sunnydale to get the special magic herbal ingredients for her latest top-secret laxative/appetite suppressant/weight control formula...She had yet to spot Nicole bickering with an attractive redhead in the shop's backroom/library as she continued to torture Anya with the concoction's benefits for "her tight teen ass"...

Mary Cherry headed for the door to summon her chauffer to help carry the the 3 ounce shopping bag to the car for her, when the door was nearly slammed in her face. A man (who'd obviously seen better days judging by his large flabby belly and huge hunk of skin hanging from his jaw) walked straight into the door, bounced back 3 steps, and walked straight into the door again. MC screamed and fell back into the magic shop. The man continued his futile attempts to apparently walk ~thru~ the door. Gradually the rest of the store's occupants heard similar sounds coming from outside the building in every direction. The frequency escalating steadily until it became an almost constant, consistent hammering. The inhabitants went from one window to another, and in every direction humaniod-like creatures were colliding with the walls, careening off of them, only to try again at slightly different trajectories...

To make matters appear even more sinister a sudden fog was developing that partially obscured the gathering crowd of these creatures milling about the complete perimeter of the building. Every once in a while our girl Nicole could make out a vague outline of another creature--some humaniod in form, but a growing majority of them...not.

Gradually growing aware that she was not alone, she slowly turned her head to see Mary Cherry peering out the window beside her. If she'd been surprised to see Nicole, she didn't seem to show it; just the usual spaz-like wave, smile & "Hiya hon!".


Willow clung to Nicole tightly. Trying to appease Nic's foul mood by appealing to her sympathy, she whimpered--

"This looks like the start of one of those Italian zombie gorefest movies Xander always used to make me watch--like "Cannibal Lustfeast", or something--personally, I think he was just trying to scare me so bad that I'd sleep over..."

Catching a few key words, MC draws her own conclusion--

"Oh my gawd y'all! They're gonna drag us out of here one by one, eat our brains and then ghoulishly pull our entrails out in ex-cruuuu-ciatingly slow-motion!"

Our girl Nic thumps MC upside the head--assuming she's hysterical of course..."Well, if they came for brains, at least one of us is safe, unless they are on a low calorie intake..." She shrugs Willow off and resumes pacing.

"There not after brains--they're robots; not zombies," fanboy Xander explains, "They've probably got us beat in the brains department anyway..."

Anya nods her whole-hearted agreement there..."So all we have to do is cut their heads off?"

"We can't assume they all follow a uniform schematic," the techno half of the techno-pagan Willow advises. "Like the BuffyBot--her mainframe is located in mid-torso--her cranial cavity is mostly just servos and transistors; just stuff to animate her facial expressions, optic and aural receivers...and 12 separate bio-mechanized microsystems to enhance the temperature and moisture level of her mouth---" and as Nicole shot her an "I KNEW IT!" look-- "b-b-but I suppose, like everything else, cutting off their heads would be...good..."

Xander launches into a obsessed but ultimately boring diatribe comparing their present state of affairs to the classic '60s Japanese cinematic tour-de-force "Monster Island". Just as Rodan, Godzilla et al converge at one location for the ultimate scaley smackdown; Sunnydale is now being visited by every Killer Robot/Cyborg Thingie known to man, er and woman--at least to folks who spend way too much time reading comics and watching cheesy Sci-Fi movies...

"Yep, they're all out there--" he drones on (and on), "Everything from the original Robbie the Robot to the Terminator; from Eve (of Destruction) to the Fembots." Willow and Nicole both had to take another peek out the window at the mention of their favorite Austin Powers moments. (Willow had even bought "an outfit"--but I digress...)

"But why are they converging here?" Anya inquired as she clung to Xander, determining that an agitated, somewhat frightened emotion should be conveyed at this juncture...

"It's almost like they're all homing in on the same signal," Xander pontificated (at last able to justify the 1000s of hours invested in low-budget sci-fi/horror flicks), "like drones; like...Borg! drawn to the Collective; drawn to...The Queen."

Slowly, all eyes turned towards the BuffyBot..."Oh my gawd y'all--the enemy is in our very midst!" Turning to Xander, MC continued, "Y'all a big strong strappin fella, help me chuck this life-size Bulimic Barbie out to her adoring public." She noticed him stalling, "C'mon now! Quick like a bunny!" coaxing him w/ hand-claps and little shovey motions.

Anya again cringing at the mental imagery; Willow jumping to the BuffyBot's defence. Nic was getting pissed off all over again. As the rest of the gang bickers over whether to sacrifice the BuffyBot, Nic silently fumes w/ jealousy...

Finally, with tempers flaring, Willow, MC, Xander and Anya are each tugging the placid BuffyBot in 4 different directions, their screaming barely being drown out by the relentless thudding of automatons ricocheting of the walls like humaniod pinballs...Our girl Nicole snaps! They all whip their heads in her direction as she lets loose a blood-curdling yell. Then grabbing the first thing she sees, which just happens to be a 10th Century Gaelic broadsword, she charges the group.

The four compatriots fall in as many directions, and stare stunned at the petite blonde in the aftermath of her fury. She is standing on the BuffyBot's limp body holding a cleanly severed head by it's long blonde hair. She rolls it like a 16 lb. bowling ball between Willow's outstretched legs--

"Your Nexus 6, I believe..." Nicole snarls, disgusted that she had to resort to physical violence, she throws down the sword and turns her back to the group.

Willow's face is distorted with disgust as she stares at the head, it's face spasming grotesquely; a large puddle of hydraulic fluid forming by the cleanly sheered neck-stump.

The body of the Mary Cherry droid twitched once, then fell silent...as the other three sit shell-shocked with the dawning realization...

"Listen..." Anya whispers, finally breaking the silence.

The relentless smashing against the wall had ceased, and as Xander & Anya peered out the window, they saw all manner of mechanical-men and machines returning into the shroud of fog from which they'd originally emerged...


Willow shuffled off to bed in her favorite pink fuzzy pjs, the ones with the built-in booties. She was so relieved that she and Nicole were able to work through their recent spat before Nic had to head home to high-school...Nicole had explained how beneath her hard exterior was a sensitive girl almost as insecure as Willow herself. How she feared that the love of her life was secretly yearning for this Buffy person, and would actually prefer even a cheap facsimile over a real live Nicole. Willow had managed to squelch that fear by admitting she was so in love w/ Nicole; that she missed her so much ...physically...that she'd merely "used" the BuffyBot as a surrogate for those times when she felt really...~lonesome~.

All in all, she thought Nic had taken it rather well...

Willow killed the light and snuggled under the covers. Her left foot felt something damp at the foot of the bed; her right foot felt a lump...She screamed, jumped up, flicked on the light and threw back the covers--There was the BuffyBot head, it's tongue protruding and articulating small circular patterns in the air. Willow read the small yellow Post-it stuck to it's forehead--

"Love you Will, Think of me...Have fun!--Nic"

Willow killed the light and snuggled under the covers...


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